Mystery Science Theater En Masse: Incredibly Resilient Riffers

Mystery Science Theater En Masse (MST 'EM): Incredibly Resilient Riffers
"In a somewhat distant future... insert date here, A.D..."

It's official. The four groups have finally chosen their "fifth person" of sorts. And they are:

-Miles "Tails" Prower (The Egg Spiral's chosen riffer).
-Akiko Miyadama (The Black Crow's chosen riffer).
-Miyuki Fujiwara (The Neo Esaka's chosen riffer).
-Tomoko Nakamura (The Crazy Train's chosen riffer).

They're now known as the "Riffer Recruits".

On the other side of things, the original 16 riffers have discovered a few fics that are certain to press their buttons. But the question is... can they remain standing, or will they have to reach for the brain bleach products? Their endurance will be tested throughout the season. Come on and join them!

Remember, I'm still using the Fiction ratings, so if you jumped here and never visited the Fanfiction section, here are the equivalents:
G = K
PG = K+
PG-13 = T
R = M
NC-17 = MA

M55/D04 - Purely Stupid (Two Opinion Articles by Alexandra Adornetto, author of the "Halo" series)
Why teenage boys suck more than vampires (Original is [here])
Guard your virginity. Once lost, it's, it's gone forever (Original is [here])
Young men, you will never be like Edward Cullen. Not only that, you're also categorized into three neat little boxes. And those boxes are stereotypes. Enjoy! Also, young ladies, if you don't preserve your virginity, you're "unpure" and terrible. Yeah. This writer's quite preachy, and the Crazy Train members and Jessie (especially Jessie) are having none of that. Come join them as they tackle these two articles... in the series' first two part article riffing.
Article's Rating: T
MST's Rating: T
Parts: One Two

M56/B13 - Sabrina's Adventure 2: Return of Sabrina (Sonic fic by Sabrina the Guardian/sonicgirl)
Well, guess who's back. Yes, Sabrina somehow found her way out of being a monument and returns as the most boring instead of hated Mary Sue. Even worse? She now has more powers that will come out of nowhere! Also, let's have a useless love triangle because... we needed tension that will waste everyone's time and wasn't meant to be there in the first place! Oh, and her twin's back. And once he shows up, the plot instantly changes from "just plain boring" to "just plain dumb"... just like in the last fic! Oh, and it gets worse; the plot will literally halt at one point for "twu luv" purposes. Join the Black Crow members as they compare this fic to "Kusanagi's Wrath", reunite with Sabrina, meet another Sue in the process... and literally go out of their minds due to the sheer padding of this fic. Oh, dear.
Fic's Rating: K+
MST's Rating: T
*Obviously, this is the sequel to "Sabrina's Adventure". If you want to make yourself familiar with that (and understand just why the Black Crow hated it and the resident Sue so much), just click here to begin.*
*Unfortunately, due to the plot stopping, blatant hand holding, and useless padding that angered the Black Crow, this is another "Epic Failure" fic.*
Parts: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten

M57/C04 - KOF-XXX (King of Fighters fic by 3846)
What happened in the two weeks before the King of Fighters 2000 tournament? Well, it certainly wasn't this story that's full of bad sex and out of character moments! Join the Neo Esaka members (and Sonia) for this ridiculous trip to Southtown. Have your dustpan and brush ready so you can sweep Sonia up. Also, don't forget the brain bleach. You'll need it, reader!
Fic's Rating: ~~G for Godawful~~ MA
MST's Rating: T
*This fic is not classified as an "Epic Failure". Instead, it's classified as a "Why?!" fic.*
*This fic contains bad lemon scenes with unintentional rape undertones, minor/underage sex (the Stu is 14 in this fic), and misogyny. You've been warned.*
Parts: One Two Three

M58/E01 - Catwoman: Rebirth (Batman Beyond fic by Maiden of Nightmares)
After Terry and Dana conveniently break up, a new girl enters Hamilton High. I think you all know where this is going. But before that, let's deal with her wonderful singing voice and uniquely tragic past. Apparently, having a tragic past in or around Gotham City is unique now. Forget Terry and Bruce's pasts. The Riffer Recruits are all set to tackle their very first fic together... and it's a bit of a lengthy mess.
Fic's Rating: T
MST's Rating: T
*This fic has been slightly modified to fit the MST's format. The titles for the chapters have been aligned to the left.*
*Tails will reveal a major story spoiler for this series in Part Nine.*
Parts: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve

M59/A13 - Coming Home (Home Improvement fic by Afluegy210)
You heard that right. It's a Home Improvement fic. Yes, the sitcom from the 90s.
Anyway, in this fic, Randy returns from Costa Rica with a girl named Colleen. Sounds simple enough, right? Well... it turns out that she's yet another basic Tragic Past Sue. How bad (or eye rolling worthy) will her existence (and the contrived stupidity and drama that comes with her) be? Well, find out with the Egg Spiral members.
Fic's Rating: K
MST's Rating: K+/T
Parts: One Two Three Four Five Six

M60/E02 - The Tekken Relations (Tekken fic by Renata)
Let's spend some time with Renata (the character, not the author) as she has a very awkward experience with her boyfriend Jin. It's so awkward that you'll wonder how the heck she made it to adulthood without drinking bleach along the way. No, seriously. Join the Riffer Recruits as they tackle this very odd fic.
Fic's Rating: T
MST's Rating: T
Read it here!

M61/D05 - How a Spark Becomes a Flame (King of Fighters fic by flamescion)
Nobody really knows how Kyo and Yuki became a couple. Well, this fic provides one possible theory. Join the Crazy Train members (and Kyo K.) as they spend some time to take a look at this theory. Now if Mai and her group would just stop snarking on Kyo, it would be just pleasant. But of course, they refuse to stop.
Fic's Rating: T
MST's Rating: T
*This is another "Anti-Riffed" fic. Enjoy this palate cleanser!*
*This fic has been slightly modified for MST 'EM. The main story has the italics removed.*
Parts: One Two Three Four Five

M62/A14 - The Walking Flame (Twilight fic by Ms.AnimeCartoonZombieFreak13)
Scarlett may be "The Walking Flame", but to the Egg Spiral hedgehogs... they consider her a walking annoyance! Come join them as they deal with a rather basic Mary Sue who can best the infamous Mary Sue race, all while being "hot" and "sexy" to boot. Yes, those words are being used loosely because the fic says that she's hot. Of course, the hedgehogs refuse to believe anything because a fic's telling them instead of showing them.
Fic's Rating: T
MST's Rating: T
Read it here!

M63/C05 - Lust for bust (Dead or Alive fic by Damien)
Seriously, a summary really isn't needed. It's just another typical poorly done sex fic with an inhumanly sized organ. That's it. Watch the Neo Esaka riffers question themselves as they riff on the very first Dead or Alive fic for this series... and Kyo's snark level goes a bit out of control in the process.
Fic's Rating: MA
MST's Rating: T/M
*This fic contains sex scenes and slut shaming.*
Read it here!

M64/B14 - Sonic vs Silkadom (Sonic fic by Sonicthehedgehog22334)
with Shorts: Shomo Attack (Pokemon trollfic by Pablo Sanchez)
and: Slash (Sonic fic by Doomsday)
Emerrjensee! The Black Crow members have to deal with an odd Pokemon short, a terrible Sonic script, and a badly resurrected clone of a fic that they have always hated! Will they succeed in handling these three fics?
Fic's Rating: K for the first short, K+ for the second short, T for the main feature
MST's Rating: T
*Sonic vs Silkadom's second chapter has been edited for this riffing... because it was originally centered.*
Read it here!

M65/S06 - Outcast Saga Lost in Sailor Moon World (Sailor Moon fic by Benji Himura)
It's said that stories can age like a fine wine if they're good enough.
This is not one of those stories. Take a trip with a horrible Gary Stu self-insert as he wrecks Sailor Moon canon to high hell and back with copious amounts of misogyny and many other insulting methods while using most of the Senshi as his mouthpieces... except for Usagi, because the Stuthor hates her, and he'll let you know it. Since this is a fic that can test a riffer's ability to the absolute limit, the two "strongest" riffers from the original four groups were selected to handle it. Join the Egg Spiral's Sonia and Manic, the Black Crow's Kyo and Miyu, the Neo Esaka's Kyo and Benimaru, and the Crazy Train's Axl and Rory as they try their hardest to avoid cracking under the pressure.
Considering that they're dealing with one of the biggest Gary Stus to ever hit Mystery Science Theater En Masse, that's saying a lot.
Fic's Rating: ~~G for Godawful~~ T (though it should be MA, considering what this fic has)
MST's Rating: M for language. Oh, boy, this fic will cause the riffers to swear. It's that bad.
*Since the Kyos are present... you know the drill. Kyo L. for the Black Crow's angry fox, Kyo K. for the Neo Esaka's bored heir.*
*This fic is based on the anime version of the series. The Japanese names will be used... for the most part. Everyone who isn't Usagi or Mamoru retain their Japanese names, while those two will have their dub names of Serena and Darien for some odd reason (most likely because the Stuthor doesn't like them). The Stuthor eventually calls her by Usagi in Part Eight before going back to Serena in Part Nine, and he eventually calls him by Mamoru in Part Nine, because consistency isn't a thing with this guy. The riffers will address everyone by their Japanese names.*
*The author's note that is present will only be riffed once. The note is also in Chapters 2-9, but those will be cut, because nobody wants to riff on it nine times.*
*The author's note that is present at the end of each chapter will also only be riffed once.*
*Because this Stuthor hates criticism, the majority of the profile will be riffed in Part Two. Yes, the profile will be riffed.*
*This fic is not only another "Epic Failure" fic... it is a "Catastrophic Failure" fic. It says a lot when a handful of riffers want the Stuthor to never write anything again.*
*This fic contains misogyny, violent scenes, and some small bits of rape, transphobia, and homophobia.*
Parts: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten

The Obscure References are here for the Egg Spiral, Black Crow, Neo Esaka, Crazy Train, and the Riffer Recruits. (For the first four groups, just scroll past their previous episode.)
The Special Obscure References are here. Just scroll past the references for "The Final Struggle".
And here are this season's Behind the Scenes.

What part of this stupid fic isn't stupid? - Axl, "Rainbow Eclipse"
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