Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 13: Coming Home (Part Two)

--

chapter 4

"Uno." Colleen said as she put her second to last card down on the top of the pile.

Amy: And of course, she's better at card games. I swear--

"Ha! Draw two." Randy smiled over at her.

Amy: ...huh.

When they'd arrived home, Mark was tired so he went to bed but Colleen and Randy were still wide awake. They'd decided to do as they always had, sit on one of their beds and play cards, as was their own little tradition in Costa Rica. Tonight they were downstairs in Randy's room so they wouldn't wake up anyone with their talking and laughing.

Sonic: Keep in mind... his room is in the basement.
Manic: Dude, won't those laughs echo all over the place or something?
Sonia: Well, considering that everyone else's rooms are two floors above, it's mostly unlikely.

"Uno." It was Randy's turn to call it now. Colleen changed the color to blue no knowing that that was the color of his last card.
"You suck!" Colleen cried throwing her cards down in defeat.
"Do not, you're just a sore loser."
"Am not!" now she picked up a handful of cards and tossed them at him.

Amy: *unfazed* This is dumb. It's only okay if she wins. If she loses, she throws a tantrum.
Manic: Sue trait, Ames.

"Hey!" he was not all that surprised though. He then did the same and soon they were in an all out war. They eventually gave up on the cards and resorted to tickling each other. They were rolling around in a fit of giggles but the suddenly stopped.

Sonia: And they kiss. Roll film!

They were facing each other, their limbs entangled and their faces only inches apart. Randy leaned forward before he had time to change his mind.

Sonic: Lauren? Who needs to remember that canon love interest?
Sonia: Sounds like a certain story, doesn't it?
Sonic: What?
Sonia: You know, the Sue and her love interest kiss in the fourth chapter...
Amy: Hey, as long as we don't have to read a bad sex scene in the fifth, an abduction in the sixth, and rape by his clone in the seventh, I think we'll be fine.
Manic: Yeah, that'll make my day. His clones in "Home Improvement", of all places.

Their kiss deepened with passion but suddenly Colleen pulled away and looked into his eyes. She searched his expression, but all she saw was the feelings in his eyes and she felt completely content. She knew she could trust him, she always had. He pulled he close to him, her head resting on his chest. They lied there like that until he heard her deep steady breathing.

Manic: Get this girl an inhaler!

Randy had no idea what had compelled him to kiss her.

Amy: Aside from his sudden hormones?

He was only acting in the moment and listening to his heart. There was no taking it back now, and it was probably safe to say he'd jeopardized their friendship.

Sonia: *holds up a dead fish, grimaces* Thanks for the dead herring. Appreciate it.

However, lying there holding her, he just knew he didn't care.

Sonic: *while eating a chili dog* Heck, neither do I. I just want to get to the silly "twagic past" parts now.

A/N: sorry this is so short, but PLEASE review!

Manic: Well, the shorter the chapters, the faster we can get through this thing. I'm not complaining one bit.

chapter 5

Colleen awoke the next morning to the sound of something heavy hitting the floor above her and a soft 'Ow.' Tim, she thought.

Manic: Uh... she's really making Tim sound even more incompetent than he was, isn't she?
Sonia: You know the drill; take the worst traits and exaggerate them.
Amy: No, it's the running gag of him hitting his head on the basement pipe.
Sonia: Oh, right. My apologies.

She lifted her head and noticed Randy was just awakening too. He smiled down at her then kissed her lightly on the forehead.
"We better go help him before he kills himself." Randy spoke, his voice groggy and soft.

Sonic: The heck was he doing, smoking in his sleep?

"Yea." She agreed sitting up. He sat up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and placed his chin on her shoulder.
"Are you okay?" He asked gently.
"Yea, better then ever." She shifted slightly to him a quick kiss.

Manic: Yeah, nothing like that sexy morning breath to get your day started!

The two headed up the stairs hand in hand to find black smoke filling the kitchen. Randy acted quickly, grabbing the nearby fire extinguisher and sprayed it towards the toaster. He'd obviously had to do this before.
"Dad, what did you do?" he asked coughing slightly.
"I was trying to get the toast done quicker so I upped the power."

Sonia: More power?
Amy: Well, that was in his nature. More power.

"Why didn't you just save yourself the trouble, douse the kitchen in gasoline, light a match and toss the toast on?" Colleen asked sarcastically, grabbing a rag to clean up the mess.
"I see Randy's sarcasm is beginning to rub off." Tim joked.

All: *huddling to analyze that statement before returning to the couch*
Sonic: I've talked it over with the judges, and that sarcasm statement gets a ninety-five out of one hundred. Five points were deducted for saying "toast" instead of "bread". Good attempt, though.

"Nope, that's just me. Now if you two will get the heck out, I'll make some un-charcoal breakfast." She began to shove them towards the couch. "Come on, it's Saturday, I'm sure there's some kind of cartoon on."
"Yea, yea, the kitchen is the women's place." Tim remarked.

Amy: *grimaces*
Sonia: *glares at the screen* Oh, we're just rife with the gender stereotypes this season. Men can't cook, so they just sit and watch cartoons. Women have to stay in the kitchen. *sarcastically* Wonderful.
Amy: Like I said earlier, this was one of the "bumbling dad/jerk mom" stereotype sitcoms... however, it's not the worst one.
Sonic: Yeah, doesn't help that this fic made him even worse in that department.

"Excuse me?" he challenged.
"Just kidding." He put his hands up defensively.

Sonic: Is he talking to himself there, or does he have a ventriloquist dummy with him?
Manic: Man, "just kidding" is the stupid cop-out for every crappy "joke".
Sonia: Either that or they'll tell you to "lighten up" or "you have no sense of humor".

She headed back to the kitchen to salvage what was left of the bread for french toast.

Sonic: The heck did he use, half a loaf?
Manic: He used the two biggest slices of bread in the planet.

Soon Mark and Jill came downstairs, over whelmed by the delicious smell of breakfast.

Amy: *takes out her Piko Piko Hammer* Ready?
Sonic, Sonia, Manic: *at the end of the word "whelmed" Ready!
Amy: *hits "over" with her hammer to make it connect to "whelmed"* Ah, much better! One word, just like it's supposed to be!

They all sat down at the counter to enjoy another great meal.
"Colleen, where did you learn to cook like this?" Mark asked.
"Yea, and why didn't you do this down in Costa Rica? I was kind of sick of rice and beans three times a day." Randy smirked.

Sonia: *facepalms, groans* Then why... did you stay with her in the first place?
Manic: To hook up with the Twagic Past Sue, duh!
Sonic: *sarcastically* Charming young lad, this guy.

"If they'd had the resources, I would have of, and I always cooked for my little sister at home Mark."

Manic: Her little sister's name is Mark?
Amy: Oh, lack of punctuation. You serve us well.

"Oh, well you're really good." He smiled at her warmly.
"Yes Colleen, I really do appreciate all this, but you are our guest, you don't-" Jill began.
"I told you Jill, I want to. You guys have been so warm and welcoming. It's the least I can do."

Sonia: I honestly can't complain about this. She wants to help instead of being a giant lump. She doesn't have to, but hey, let her.
Amy: I only draw the line if she's better than everyone else at doing it, though.

"We really want you here." Randy told her smiling.

Sonic: He was talking to her teeth? Whoa, this is getting freaky.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?"
"I have plans with friends." Mark announced. "Movie. You guys wanna go?"
"Do you?" Randy inquired to Colleen.
"Sounds good." ~ After the movie ~

All: Ow, my neck!
Manic: Any more of that, and my head will pop off and land in my hands!
Sonic: And that's the worst that could happen to you? This is coming from the hedgehog who explodes into meaty little jigsaw pieces and once grew wings?
Manic: Yes.
Sonic: *with a blank look* You need to sort out your priorities, bro.

"Well that was fun, but I think I might go upstairs and lie down for a bit if you don't mind." Colleen said softly when they'd arrived back at the house.
"Okay, but are you feeling alright? You look a little flushed." Randy asked concerned.
"Yea I'm fine, I'll talk to you later okay?" She turned and darted up the stairs before he could say anything else.

Sonia: She's pregnant.
Amy: *facepalms*
Manic: *cracks up*
Sonic: Yeah, right!
Sonia: *smirks*

Colleen ended up sleeping for about four hours and Randy was a little worried. He took a glass of ice tea up to her room but he almost dropped it when he opened her door.

Amy: You are the clumsiest person ever. And it's not going to look cute on you because that only applies to Mary Sues.

She was tossing around in her bed whispering what he thought was 'no' over and over. He ran to her side, set down the tea and tried to awaken her. She suddenly sat upright breathing hard, her eyes searching the room. He gaze fell on Randy and she relaxed slightly.
"What's wrong Colleen?" Randy asked scared.
"Nothing, it's nothing, just a little bad dream." She tried to sound nonchalant.

Manic: You know what "nothing" really means.
Sonic: Of course; it's "something". Either that or she read "Ultimate" or "The White Hedgehog".
Amy: Yeah, those fics would certainly give one nightmares.
Sonia: I disagree, considering that I've sat through the horror that was "KOF-XXX" with the Esaka squad.

"No, Colleen, I know there's something you're not telling me and if there's going to be anything with us, you have to be honest with me. I care about you, I want to be there for you, if you let me."

Sonic: *offers bricks and cement to Colleen* Go 'head, hole yourself in. I won't mind.

"Randy, I care about you too, but there's just so much." She began.
"Then we'll start out slowly, what was wrong a minute ago?"
"I just had a nightmare, about my mom." She looked down sadly. "She died when I was ten from lung cancer.

Manic: Called it! Where's my money?
Sonia: ...you didn't bet, Manic.
Manic: Aww, man!

My dad was a smoker. I missed her a lot, but my dad was really bad, he slipped into depression and began to abuse me." Tears formed in her eyes and spilled out onto her cheeks.

Amy: *begins playing her tiny violin*
Sonic: Wangst. In "Home Improvement". Just when you think you've seen it all, nope! It comes right back to slap you in the face!
Amy: This series tackled the subjects of divorce and losing a parent. I don't think it went this dark.

She didn't want to tell him, she wasn't ready,

Sonia: Um... aren't you telling him now?

but once she'd started, there was no stopping the flow of emotions.

Sonia: ...oh.

Randy pulled her into an hug, rocking her gently.
"Shh, sweetie it's okay, I'm here, I won't let him hurt you, never. You're safe."

Manic: Yeah, who wants to bet that he'll find her or croaks later?
Sonic: I'm not betting. Because you always win.
Manic: ...that's why I'm betting. I like money, bro.

"I know, and I can never thank you enough, but what about Julie? I can't help but think he's begun to hurt her." She cried harder now, her entire body shaking.

Sonia: He probably has. And if he hasn't... you know what, I'm not even going to get into how contrived that will be.

"We'll think of something, I promise."

Amy: Maybe you can think about a better plot while we're at it.

chapter 6

Manic: Yeah, two possibilities for that. Either she's gotta get along with him because she's going to marry his brother in the end, or...
Sonia: She's just so wonderful and diabetes inducing.

Colleen and Randy shared many stories of their time in Costa Rica. The two of them also let on that they were a couple now.

Amy: And where is Lauren? You know, the original girl that Randy had a crush on and then dated later on?
Sonic: She's the new Yuki, Ames. Gotta die for that ship.

Most of the worry Colleen had only the week prior got pushed to the back of her mind because she was too happy to be a part of a loving family.

Sonia: Yes, and let's forget about her sister that's still in the "loving care" of her abusive father. *gives a sarcastic thumbs up* Priorities.

Colleen eventually got a part time job at the local grocery store as a cashier to earn some extra money and to give her something to do. About two or three months after Colleen and Randy came home, Randy got a phone call while Colleen was at work. He drove to get her, nearly causing two accidents.

Sonic: Lemme get this straight, you couldn't drive... and I hate saying this... slower?
Sonia: Sonic is asking someone to take it slow? World's going to end now.

When he finally found her, he was out of breath from running around looking for her.

Manic: Man, driving's exhausting!
Amy: Um, wouldn't the people in the store wonder why there was a man running around like a chicken with its head cut off?
Sonic: That's logic, Amy. Stop that.

"Randy? What's wrong?" She asked afraid of his answer from the look on his face.
"We need to talk, in private." He told her. They went back to the storage room, ignoring the complaining customers and glares.

Amy: Yeah, ignore the other people that need to get the heck on with their day! Everyone and everything must halt for the "Twagic Past" Sue!
Sonia: He should realize that... the storage room is usually for employees only, right?
Manic: Logic.

"What is it? What's the matter?" She asked before the door even shut.
"I got a call, I'm so sorry Colleen, your dad died." He said scared to let the words flow from him mouth, knowing the pain it would cause her. Colleen opened her mouth but no words came out. she felt as though her vocal cords were tied in knots.
"He had a heart attack yesterday." He explained.

Sonic: Well, isn't that convenient! He just goes and croaks so she doesn't have to put any effort in that part!
Amy: Wait, wait, wait, she left her dad behind without giving him an address or phone number, right? So... how the heck did Randy discover this news?
Manic: A wizard did it. Also, what do I win?
Sonic: Either that or it's that Plot Device Purse at work again. By the way, you win nothing because you didn't put down any money.
Manic: ...I knew I forgot to do something.

"Julie." She finally spoke, tears flowing from her eyes. "She's only nine, what's going to happen to her?"
"That's the other thing, you're her legal guardian now."

Sonia: And how old is Colleen again? Do we have a number?
Sonic, Manic, Amy: *shrugs*
Sonia: And they have no other relatives? What contrived "drama".

--

Continue to Part Three
Go Back to Part One
Go Back to Incredibly Resilient Riffers Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page