Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 6: Outcast Saga Lost in Sailor Moon World (Part Three)

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"Text" Talked or thought sentences.

(Text) Talked sentences in a foreign language. As English when everyone else speaks Japanese.

;Text; Title of the scene song.

:Translations of a sentence in a language that isn't English, and small observations during the story:

Chapter two: Adapting

Manic: Can I adapt like in the Matrix?
Sonia: I would rather throw this fic into the Matrix.

The battle is going out on a full rage. The senshis fiercely fend off the demons. The outers using they talismans and weapons. The inners using only they magical attacks. Benji is slashing demons left and right in a quick and steady pace. Demon blood gushes out from the wounds caused by the sword.

Kyo L.: Women use that stupid weak ass girly magic. Men? We have to slash and cause blood and shit! We're that edgy! *chuckles* Dude, dude, Sailor Moon wasn't meant to be edgy. Calm down with that.
Axl: *gets a toy trumpet* I think we should use this whenever Super Penis Man shines, huh?
Kyo L.: Go for it, Ax.

Still they are outnumbered. While killing a demon Michiru almost loses her head to another one armed with a heavy mace.

Miyu: Oh, come on, a mace? Did these monsters all fall out of "Doom" or something?
Benimaru: Considering what we're riffing? Most likely.

She hears a loud thud of metal colliding with metal. She looks back and sees Benji tensed arm blocking the heavy weapon wielded by a tall demon. With the ripped sleeve of the jacket Michiru can see all his muscles shining with sweat tense under the stress.

Axl: *plays a few notes*
Miyu: *sighs as she mops up a wank puddle*
Sonia: Really? Really?
Kyo K.: Oh, you have got to be kidding me. This is some serious... you know what... *stamps his sheet* ...forget it.
Rory: I love how stupid this is. Let's take a break from the action so the woman can notice how manly he is! Seriously, this sounds like something that I would write in middle school!
Manic: All of it?
Rory: Well, I didn't write any parts with lesbians falling for my weiner, but you get the point.

Benji is holding the sword inverted in a ninja style. And she sees him forcing his arm and cutting the mace and the demon in the half.

Kyo L.: Super Penis Man saves the day! *sighs* Again. Holy Christ, you're starting to bore the crap out of me, SPM.

She closes her eyes avoiding that demon blood hit her there when it sprays toward her.

Benji is hit by a new spray of demon blood.

Sonia: Unfortunately, it wasn't corrosive.

Michiru opens her eyes and continues to fight. As the others she doubles up with Benji. Since it is easier to fight having someone watching over her back.

Benimaru: Does that translate to "she's useless without a man"... again?
Everyone else: Yes.
Benimaru: *weakly laughs, sighs* Oh, I hate this fic.
Kyo K.: *stamps Benimaru's sheet* You're welcome.

Soon the battle is over. And Rei is cursing that her dirty.

Sonia: *stamps her sheet* Thank you, Misogyny Science Theater.
Miyu: This is incredibly odd. I have never seen the Senshi freak out after fighting. Unless they were in an incredibly dirty situation, they normally wouldn't say anything.
Sonia: You know the drill, Miyu; we have to worry about our looks. I know that it's odd coming from me.
Benimaru: You have to fight beautifully, you know. It's just too bad that the Stu is the only one who gets to do that in this dumb fic.

Benji is ripping a piece of his left arm sleeve and cleaning the blade before sheathing it. Haruka notices that he is sheathing it inverted. Unlike ninjas the sword hilt is on his right side, with the tip of the sheathe over his left shoulder.

Axl: Nobody. Cares. Stop jerking off.
Manic: Speaking of jerking off... *mops up a wank puddle*

After a request of leaving explanations for after a bath everyone takes turns on the shrine bathroom. The girls go in duos. Benji is the last.

All: We wonder why!
Miyu: How can there be duos if there are only nine Senshi?
Rory: Stuthor just failed basic math. Either that or he's going to shower with Michiru... who shouldn't be interested in him like that.

After getting clean and changing clothes everyone is on the living room. Rei, Ami and Makoto are fixing for everyone tea and snacks. Benji is polishing his sword near him is Hotaru who is watching it with a clear interest.

Kyo K.: Holy crap, Tsukino doesn't make that much of a deal about her sword!

The sword blade is colored in a red to fire orange color. The blade has a faint semi transparency crystal glow. And alongside the entire length of the there is a long line of inscriptions written with a dark blue color that strongly contrasts with the red blade.

Rory: Nobody cares, man! I don't care, she doesn't care, he doesn't care, nobody in here cares!
Kyo L.: Is that sword supposed to be a metaphor for his--
Miyu: Kyo!
Kyo L.: What? It's pretty obvious, Miyu!

The trio arrives and serves everyone.

"Mind in explaining why he got that?" Haruka asks pointing to the sword that Benji is carefully polishing.

Axl: *crosses his fingers* Please let him cut himself, please let him cut himself...

"He needed a weapon. So we went get him one." Setsuna replies.

Benimaru: You got him what looked like the allegedly coolest weapon in this fic because... "you could".
Miyu: Well, to be fair, the Senshi's weapons are all supposed to look elaborate, but you know... his has to look cooler. And now that I think about it, his weapons are "cooler" than any canon male's weapons...
Sonia: Speaking about that, Miyu... where is Mamoru in this fic?
Miyu: Uh-oh. Either he's going to be warped... or the Stu... ate him.
Kyo K.: I'm guessing that it's the latter, Glasses. There's only room for one dick in that crap story.

"I manage to get him a Masamune. Thought it was kind of hard convincing him of making a hilt like Benji wanted. After it I managed to get some powerful sorcerers and magicians to enchant his sword." She explains.

Miyu: Uh... Setsuna doesn't know any sorcerers or magicians... oh, my goodness, the rules are bending even further for him.
Manic: Super Penis Man strikes again!
Miyu: Well, he needs to get his penis away from here. It's beginning to annoy me right now.
Sonia: And of course he can design the weapon to his liking while the Senshi never had a say in what their weapons looked like. I hate this Stu.

"And that was a living hell." Benji says in Japanese.

Kyo L.: I can show you what a living hell is. *ignites a flame* Wanna start?
Kyo K.: *as he ignites a flame of his own* I'll be more than happy to show him as well.

"And I also took that time to teach him Japanese." Setsuna adds. That makes everyone relieved.

Rory: I'll be relieved if you can teach him what "End this stupid fic!" or "Get out of our canon, you damn Stu!" means in Japanese.
Benimaru: He learned Japanese that fast?
Axl: That Rosetta Stone must've worked wonders!

Benji finishes cleaning his sword and sheaths it. "You took too long. The enemy is attacking more frequently and with more demons on each attack." Haruka says to Setsuna.

"Then is a good thing that we have him on our side. It will thicken or lines a bit." Setsuna says pointing to Benji.

Sonia: Not to mention that it will also thicken his... you know.
Axl: *plays the toy trumpet*
Sonia: Thank you.

"And what that so called magic sword does?" Rei asks seeing a really frightening aura around the blade. "Since Benji doesn't have magical powers as we have thanks to our guardian planets we had to improvise a bit. That sword is the Youkou Kyuuketsuki. Or the crimson vampire. To allow him to face demons and use magic as we do the sword steals energy from the surroundings and feeds Benji with it. It also fully drains the energy of anything that is killed by it. In that way Benji gains the energy and can unleash it on attacks as ours." Setsuna explains to them.

Kyo K.: You gave him... a vampire sword. Yeah, that makes perfect sense for this series. *turns to the audience, shakes his head*

"You are telling that you game him a vampire sword!" Rei asks. "You know the dangers of it? He can turn addicted on stealing energy."

Manic: This would've been an interesting plotline, but... this is a Gary Stu that we're talking about here.

Benji looks at her. "Actually I don't feel a thing." Benji says to the red hot priestess.

Kyo L.: Of course you don't. You're special. Tch.

"It only fills a reservoir that was magically fused with me." Setsuna nods and continues his explanation. "We called it of vampire because it steals energy. But he doesn't feel pleasure or anything when receiving that energy. It is stored inside him. At least for a certain period of time."

Rei is confused.

Axl: So am I. If the thing is in his body, he should be feeling that. But hey, I'm using that stupid ol' logic.

"How long?" she asks. Benji looks at his watch. There has a bar shaped as a 9 on the top of display over the time, it is divided in several blocks forming the nine bar. The circle part is lithe blue while the rest is red. "Ten hours" Benji says. "The energy is always escaping because isn't mine."

Miyu: We... only need to know what the watch says. The rest of it?
Everyone else: Nobody cares.

Setsuna nods. "I gave him that watch that measures the energy level inside him." Setsuna explains. "The energy that isn't use actually is nullified and lost. In that way he needs constant refilling of energy. Of course the time shortens when he uses the energy."

Benimaru: This has to be the only attempt at a Stu's weakness right here.
Rory: He, uh... tried, I guess.
Sonia: I will not be surprised if this "weakness" turns out to be moot.

The senshis look at the other. "But how it will keep him filled? I mean he can't just kill people around to drain them if he does that he wouldn't be different from any enemies that we faced before." Makoto says.

Kyo K.: Color me surprised, we have morals here!

"I am working on a transformation device for him. So the energy will be stored away when he is not fighting. So far since he is fighting normally the energy is constantly flowing. But with the device it will be locked as it is with ours. Of course he will have a minor access to it as we all have." Setsuna replies to the tall senshi. "And as I said the sword drains energy from the surroundings. So the reservoir is always getting an income that balances and makes the outcome smaller."

Axl: *scratches his head* Do... can I... get a translator? Because I'm so freaking confused.
Kyo L.: Power's great, he's a vampire, whatever. I tuned out a while ago.

They understand. "What would happen if he killed a human with it?" Haruka asks. "He would get a bit of energy." Setsuna replies. And the argument goes for another half hour, until everyone decides that is getting late and they need the rest.

Benimaru: Oh, thank goodness. This was getting tedious.
Manic: Just this part?
Benimaru: Oh, you know what I was talking about.

On the next morning Michiru wakes as early as usual to begin to fix breakfast for everyone. The breakfast is quiet and nice. Benji offers to help Michiru with the dishes. She gladly accepts the offered help. They chat over few things. Haruka pretends that it doesn't bother her.

Miyu: It wouldn't bother her to begin with. She'd pretend to be bothered, though. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just a loser purist with no life.
Kyo L.: Correction, Miyu... you're a "social retardness morron".
Miyu: Still making fun of that person, I see...

After the dishes are done Setsuna and Benji moves to the dark haired woman design room to work on his uniform to face evil.

Kyo K.: "His uniform to face evil". Oh... *chuckles* I know, I know, English isn't the Stuthor's first language. It just sounded funny to me.

Michiru chuckles hearing Benji protests and Setsuna trying to force him few odd designs. After one hour there she enters on the office with a tray with tea and snacks for them.

"I am not going to wear a cape!" Benji shouts to Setsuna. "They get on the way and the enemy can grab it or can get stuck on things."

Sonia: I believe that Batman will have a few words with you in a moment. Also, why are you shouting at her?
Benimaru: Wait, wait, we can have a vampire sword, but no capes are allowed?
Sonia: Stuthor... you threw that realism out of the window the minute you introduced that stupid sword. Sit your horny butt down.

"They are cool and stylish. Almost every know hero uses one." Setsuna replies. "I am not a hero." Benji replies.

Rory: "I am not a hero." This just came out of the mouth of SPM. The same SPM... who saved nine women... and had a few of them already gush over him. *sternly points at the screen* I may be a ditz, but I don't have a crummy memory. You can't fool Rory Jay Hancock!
Axl: Ah, so we're sensing some of that delicious faux humility here.
Kyo K.: ...hey, Tech, what does that J stand for?
Rory: I just said it. Jay. J-A-Y.
Kyo K.: Heh. Alright, then.

"Easy you two. Have some tea and cookies and relax a bit." Michiru cuts in before Setsuna can reply.

Benji accepts the cookie and Setsuna picks a cup of tea. Michiru peeks on Setsuna drawings. Most of the suits there are variations of tuxedos with capes. Some of them really odd. She understood Benji's protests. Those suits were similar to Tuxedo Mask one, and Setsuna managed to make them very unflattering.

Benimaru: Is that a poorly done "take that" to Tuxedo Mask right there?
Miyu: Probably.
Kyo L.: Just as I thought. Only room for one dick. Y'know, Stuthor... at least Tuxedo Mask didn't overshadow the Senshi. All he needed was a cane and roses, and you have... whatever the hell that overpowered bullshit is.

"You tried to ask him what he wants to wear?" Michiru asks to Setsuna. "I mean he will be wearing it." "She hasn't asked me a thing and keeps forcing me those outfits." Benji answers.

Kyo K.: I have an outfit for you. *pulls out an "I'm With Stupid" shirt* Start with this and work your way around it.
Miyu: No, no, Mr. Kusanagi! *pulls out a clown jester outfit* This should be better!

"Well tell me what you want and we make a draw of it and show to Setsuna." Michiru says. "Okay." Benji replies walking to her. "First of all the clothes needs to be practical." Benji says Michiru nods making a sketch of a man.

Manic: You're saying that the clothes need to be "practical". Uh... do you know what universe you're in?
Rory: Manic, you're using logic! That's not allowed here! Also... vampire swords. They're apparently more practical.

"Considering my skills and what I learned on the training a dark color would be good." Benji continues.

All: Ow, the edge.

"We think of color later." Michiru says. Benji nods. "The shoes can be boots. But not crude ones.

Sonia: Can I shove my crude boots up your--
Benimaru: Not yet, Sonia.
Manic: *snickers*

Good looking ones. Rubber soles would be good." Benji says. Michiru draws a pair of boots. "The pants can be like of a suit. But it can't get on the way and must keep my movements free." Benji continues and Michiru draws it.

Axl: How about you just go naked?
Kyo K.: Ugh. That's even worse, Spikes.

"I think that a white shirt will be good. In that way you won't look too dark." Michiru suggests. Benji nods and she draws it. "Why you are making a belt like that?" Benji asks seeing the sash like belt reaching on the draw navel height. "Looks good." Michiru replies. "Well a jacket would be good. What about a bullfighter style?" Benji says. "Sounds nice." Michiru replies drawing it. It is a button up one and is almost like a Japanese boy's school uniform. "A mask." Benji says. "I don't think that will be good showing my face."

Miyu: Yet the Senshi run around without masks. And you're different because...?
Axl: *plays a few trumpet notes*
Miyu: Oh. Right. *sighs* SPM. Either that or he wants to be a "better" Tuxedo Mask.

She nods and draws a mask covering his eyes. "I don't like it. Cover from the nose down." Benji says. Michiru changes the drawing, making a cloth mask covering his lower half of the face. "Adds a mask over it. One that covers the entire face, taking out the eyes." Benji adds. Michiru nods and with Benji giving few pointers she gives to the suit few details.

When finished they hand the drawing to Setsuna. "Just like that." Benji says. She grunts and leaves to talk to Luna and Artemis so they can create the transformation device and the uniform. The duo leaves the room happy for displeasing Setsuna.

Kyo L.: So we're wanking off to pissing someone off. You two are as likeable as diarrhea, you know that? I want you to know that.
Manic: Well, to be fair, Pod Person Setsuna didn't actually follow his requests... but on the other hand, the Senshi never really had a say in what their outfits looked like.
Kyo L.: Can I still burn them?
Manic: Well, this is a Gary Stu and Pod Person Michiru, so... yeah, whatever.

Tokyo August fourteenth 2004

Setsuna arrives on the Kaioh, Meiho, Tenoh, Tomoe and for the time being Himura household.

Benimaru: Just so we know how important he is.

She founds Haruka busy seeing a car race on the TV. Michiru is reading. And she sees by the backyard Benji and Hotaru. It would be normal if the duo wasn't armed. Hotaru with her silence glaive and Benji with his spear. The duo is fiercely fighting the other. Blocking, parrying, stabbing and slashing the other.

Sonia: Are you serious? Does this Stuthor know that they usually live regular lives until duty calls?
Axl: Nah. He just has to use his Super Penis Power to make them edgier. You know that women shouldn't just sit around eating bonbons like they're Peg Bundy!
Rory: I actually want some bonbons now. I wonder if Mom or Dad will send a box of them this month.
Miyu: I would like to know... why does this Stu have so many weapons? The Senshi usually had at least one or two weapons at a time.
Axl: *plays a few notes on his trumpet* SPM, Miyu!

"Why they are fighting! And why you two are just sited there!" Setsuna asks to her other housemates. "They are not fighting. But sparring. And it was Hotaru idea. We just got tired just by watching them going." Michiru replies. "They are like that have half an hour." Haruka adds her two cents.

Kyo K.: Without breaks? They should be flat out tired by now!
Benimaru: Coming from the guy who keeps putting Shingo and Emi through the ringer, yeah, you would know.
Kyo K.: No, those are just warm-ups, Beni.
Benimaru: Hypocrite.

Setsuna waits a bit more and after fifteen minutes the duo enters on the house covered in sweat. Hotaru has a smile on her lips. "Here." Setsuna says handing to Benji a watch. "It also has the same functions as before, plus the transforming capability." Benji nods and puts the watch on.

"Because several protests you don't have to say something like we do." Setsuna says. "You won't say anything like 'Planet power Make Up!'" Benji eyes Setsuna icily. It took him loads of threats and a fight in order to make the transformation like something less embarrassing. And that he didn't give any fan service for the girls.

Axl: ...
Manic: ...this fic blows.
Benimaru: *facepalms* Oh, for the love of... you have some serious issues, Stu.
Sonia: *angry* Oh, you stupid little fedora wearing fuckstick! *takes a deep breath* Do not explode, do not explode...
Kyo L.: *screams as he sets himself on fire* You giant piece of hypocritical shit! You thought about watching the ladies get violated by a tentacle monster before you saved them! But no, let's not have the women ogle you, even though they did in the last chapter and earlier in this very chapter! They apparently need to be "good little girls" who have to keep their hormones in check around your stupid ass! *speaks through clenched teeth* Fuck. You.
Miyu: See, this is why I hate Gary Stus in Sailor Moon. They always have to do stupid, biased, and sexist things like this. Just insult Tuxedo Mask and undermine the ladies on top of insulting them to boot... *sighs, stamps her paper* I'm sorry, but it had to be done.
Rory: Hey, that's six out of eight... uh-oh. This fic just failed, then.
Kyo K.: It failed from the get-go, Tech. *waves Miyu's sheet* It just needed our stamps of approval.

"What is the line?" Benji asks. He hated that.

Sonia: *icily* Well, we all hate you, so it works both ways.

But he had to let Setsuna make it. But he made sure that was short and not silly.

Manic: Or girly. Because girls are just... girly.
Kyo L.: *curses in a blend of French and Japanese*
Axl: Ooh, this fic sucks giant monkey balls.
Kyo K.: So, uh, why is this fic pressing his buttons so hard, Spikes?
Axl: He was pretty much raised around women after his father passed. He had his mom, his sister, and his sister's mom around him before he met Miyu, Mai, and me.
Kyo K.: I see.

"Just says loudly 'Go Change!' and press the watch larger buttons on the top and on the bottom. Benji nods and takes a deep breath. "Now that will be interesting." Haruka mutters turning on a small digital video camera.

Benimaru: "Go Change". That is incredibly lame. I love how he tries to make himself "different" and "cooler" and comes out with this nonsense instead. You fail, sir. Good day.

"Go Change!" Benji shouts pressing the two buttons on the watch. The magical powers

Rory: ...ended this crappy fic and gave us a better one.
Sonia: I wish that would happen.

levitate Benji who couldn't see but his clothes vanished into dust and his skin was glowing with lights like the senshis when transforming. His eyes are wide and his mouth opens in a silent scream.

Kyo K.: If he's not dying, I'm not caring.

Around him many energy goblets circle him until clashing in high speed against him. And his fighting clothes forms on his body.

Benji lands kneeled on the floor panting hard while the adrenaline and endorphin rush caused by the transformation spell. "That looked painful." Hotaru says blushing. "It was." Benji replies.

Miyu: *coldly, as she adjusts her glasses* Does that represent the pain that we're going through reading this dreck? Also, the Senshi never experienced pain while transforming. Care to explain that?
Manic: It's probably his edgy manpain.

His voice is as clear as if he wasn't wearing a mask. "I also took the liberty of adding armor for you." Setsuna says.

Over Benji's jacket there is a chest plate. On his back there is a five centimeters thick disk with Benji's sword on it. "That barely covers his chest." Haruka says. The armor is made of small plates taking out the back. "That gives a good protection and the disk moves at his will so he can unsheathe the sword from the normal ninja way or in the inverted way that he is using." Setsuna shots back.

Rory: Who cares about armor when you're gonna look "edgy"!
Axl: On the other hand, this is Sailor Moon that we're talking about here. So, uh... it kind of cancels out. Kind of.

Hotaru helps Benji up. "But if he stays in pain he won't be able to help soon enough." The brunette says.

Rory: He can help by leaving.

"It only happens on the first time." Setsuna replies. That is a featured that she added to make him pay for not hearing her. It is true that will only hurt on the first time. But she got her revenge.

Miyu: Oh. So that was the reason. I'm oddly satisfied with this outcome.
Sonia: You're dating Kyo. *points to Kyo L., who is still on fire* Speaking of which, shouldn't we get him to calm down?
Miyu: Considering what got him in that state, it's best that we don't do that for the time being.

"How I get off it?" Benji asks. "Just think in returning to your normal self." Setsuna replies. Benji does that. And his clothes vanish and body glows quickly before his normal clothes reappear. Hotaru blushes because he was still supporting himself on her when he did that.

Benimaru: Start setting up the Sonic Screwdrivers, Kyo. We're gonna need a lot of them.
Kyo K.: *begins pouring a few* Way ahead of you, Beni.

"Well the watch is also am communicator since he can't wear a compact." Setsuna adds.

Miyu: Which makes sense, considering that the only ones who even had a compact in the anime were Sailor Moon and Sailor Chibi Moon.

Benji nods and sits on a chair to recover from the transformation. On the following day Benji is helping Michiru with the grocery shopping. After buying everything she accepts taking a detour on a jewel store. She is confused but accepts it.

In there Benji asks to a clerk to speak with the manager. Soon a man with about seventy years old wearing a fine cutted suit walks to them. "I want to sell a stone that my family bought many years ago." Benji says after the manager asks how he can help. Benji pulls from his pocket a small pouch and open it and picks a small ruby. With no more than one centimeter of diameter.

Manic: Okay, where the hell did he get that?
Kyo L.: Probably out of his ass, like the rest of his stupid bullshit. Gah... *slowly tones his flames down* ...that actually hurt a bit.
Kyo K.: Stupidity hurts, Fox Clone. You sure you're going to be okay?
Kyo L.: Yeah, I'll live.

The manager stares in shock to the finely cutted gem. He orders to a clerk to fetch his evaluation set. Benji, Michiru and the manager moves to a back room. It is fancily decorated and tea is served to them. The manager is analyzing the gem. "Where you got it?" Michiru asks bellow a whisper. "During my training." Benji replies as low as Michiru.

Sonia: *whispers* Bullshit. *normal voice* Also, two things. How is tea somehow being served in a jewelry store, and how is all of this going on over a tiny ruby? Does he know what a centimeter even means?
Axl: Measurements don't exist, Sonia! Come on, now!

She didn't know is that Benji evaluated the gem earlier before deciding to sell it. The manager said a price that was too low and Benji corrected him saying the exact value of the stone. The man blushes and corrects himself. Half hour later they leave the store. Benji is with a content smile. Michiru is actually shocked when he handed her seven hundred thousand dollars. Half of the jewel money.

Sonia: Excuse me. *explodes into ash*
Miyu: *as she sweeps Sonia up* That doesn't make any sense! He's in Tokyo! There should be more than one jewelry store in Tokyo, right?
Sonia: *reforms* Thank you, Miyu. Also, this was just another excuse for... SPM to show off his powers again. Of course he can easily figure out the price of a gem and correct the lowly store manager to boot. I hate him so much.
Manic: Hey, someone convert that. I know that this Stu's Brazilian, but let's just say that he has 700,000 in American dollars. What is that in yen?
Axl: Um... by 2015 standards... 86,202,550 yen.  And converting 1,400,000 bucks into that is... 172,032,000. Which is still too damn much.

"Living expenses." Benji says to her. "But this is too much. You could buy my house. No the entire block for it." Michiru says. "I don't need that much." Benji replies. "Besides I have many more gems."

Axl: And he has more of these stupid plot device gems?!
Benimaru: And "Fake Humility Theater" continues.
Kyo K.: *as the Stu* I don't need that much... just your souls will do.
Rory: Stu Tsung wins.

Michiru eyes went wide. Benji explains to her that Setsuna tossed him on the past when demons moved freely and Benji became a demon hunter. His payments were in precious stones that never loses its value.

Miyu: *slams her head on the table, breaking her glasses in the process*
Everyone else: *speechless*
Axl: Miyu? *nudges Miyu* Uh-oh.
Kyo K.: *stunned* What the heck? Is she okay?
Rory: Is she out?
Axl: Looks like it. *nudges Miyu again* Yeah, Miyu's out. *sighs* Well, we need her backup. Who is it?
Manic: You'll find out. *whistles* We need Miyu's backup in here!
Tails: *as he enters* Darn it. I thought that I was going to avoid this fic.
Manic: Hey, the snark starts at an early age. You're only perfecting it.
Tails: *as he sits next to Manic* That's what happens when I'm around your brother.

"Buy Hotaru nice thing and put on a college found or something for her." Benji says. "No offense but she is really nice to me." Michiru understand what he means. Hotaru took a liking of the tall brunette and always tried his best to make him comfortable. "Okay." Michiru replies.

Sonia: Um, Haruka and Michiru don't need your money, Stu. They're actually wealthy. *looks through Miyu's notes* Huh. It also says that Michiru has a Stradivarius violin that is said to be worth 500 million yen.
Kyo L.: *as his flames dissipate* So not only is this Stu a better fighter, he's also wealthier. Now I want to know who can hate this fic the most.
Kyo K.: We all do. It's just that your girlfriend hates it the most because she was the first to knock herself out. Contest was over the minute she smashed her head into that table.

"Mind in taking another detour?" Benji asks. Michiru shakes her head sideways. "So where I can found a Suzuki motor bike shop?" Benji asks with a wicked smile.

Benimaru: As long as it sounds Japanese, it's okay!

Michiru drives there after stopping on a bank to place the money in an account. On the shop Benji orders a Hayabusa. Michiru shivers when seeing the racing bike.

Axl: Under the umbrella! Under the umbrella!
Manic, Kyo L., Rory: *hastily follows Axl's order*
Tails: Wait, what?
Axl: No time! Umbrella! *grabs Tails and rushes under the umbrella*
Kyo K.: *casually sips a Sonic Screwdriver as a large wank puddle drops* And this is the story of my riffing career. I mean, I kind of like you all, but I really hate being here.

"God Ruka would love one of those." Michiru says. "I bet that she would." Benji replies. Benji buys a brand new one thanks to the identity and papers that Setsuna, Ami, Luna and Artemis made for him. "Haruka goes to a custom shop don't she?" Benji asks holding the keys of his new fabric painted blue and white Hayabusa. "Yes. But why you are asking?" Michiru replies.

Rory: *as the Stu* So I can do things better than her. I'm... you know. SPM.
Axl: *plays a few notes on the toy trumpet* Also, blue and white? Hijacking my signature colors, huh? I mean, I know that anyone can use 'em, I just don't want to share them with you.

"I want to custom this baby painting among few more things." Benji replies. For a second Michiru saw Haruka on Benji. She nods. "I will lead the way you follow me." She says. Benji nods and they leave. They quickly arrive on the custom shop. Benji had to keep the bike on the first gear in order to not go too much above the speed limit. After telling the mechanic what changes he want and paying him in advance Benji and Michiru leaves.

Benimaru: Gasp as the Gary Stu purchases, modifies, and rides a motorcycle... in the first gear!
Sonia, Kyo K.: *rolls their eyes*
Manic: Yeah, it's obvious that you two would know.
Sonia: You know that we're not the only ones, Manic.

On the trip back Benji has a content smile. Michiru can't exactly blame him for it. He just bought one of the fastest if not the faster bike in the world.

Tails: And now he has the world's fastest motorcycle. Nothing less for Super Gary Stu.
Kyo K.: ...which he's riding in the first gear. Not only is he trying to be edgy... he's trying to be Shadow the Hedgehog edgy.
Axl: Ow, the edge.

Tokyo August sixteenth 2004

It is a Saturday all the senshis but Hotaru are in a park. Darien is with them.

Rory: Who's Darien?
Axl: Mamoru's... dub name. So... we're using the Japanese names for everyone except for Usagi and Mamoru, who are using their English names. Am I sensing something here?
Sonia: Maybe he's using their English names because he doesn't like them? I don't know.

"Why they are taking so long!" Haruka asks angrily. "They said that was just a quick thing." Michiru calms her lover. "Give them sometime." Michiru says. And a familiar sound for the blonde fills the air. She turns and sees a metal blue Hayabusa speeding towards them. There are two people on the bike. One is clearly a male and the other a small female. Both are wearing helmets. The bike stops smoothly near them.

Kyo K.: Yeah, thanks for holding my hand, Stephenie.

Jealousy flashes on Haruka eyes. And the bikers remove the helmets. Benji and Hotaru get out of the shinning racing bike. "You allowed him to drive Hotaru on a Hayabusa!" Haruka asks angrily to Michiru. "Yes. Unlike you Benji knows when to race and when to drive in a civilized way." Michiru replies.

Tails: Now I know why Miyu knocked herself out.
Kyo L.: *gets out a cactus* Hey. Pod Michiru. I have a very lovely cactus here. Should I light it on fire and shove it up your ass?! Mourir! (Die!) *begins to rush the screen*
Benimaru: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Kyo, stop... never mind, go ahead. You might as well ram it up the Stu's behind since he's the one who's warping them. *looks at Kyo K.* Trying to stop him would be pointless, huh?
Kyo K.: *as he watches Kyo L. hit the screen with the cactus* Yep. Besides, his rage can be entertaining sometimes.
Axl: Hey, Stu, I thought that you liked Haruka. I'm... not seeing it here with Michiru's so called "teasing".

Makoto and Minako are drooling over Benji on a black jacket with the helmet on his left hand.

Kyo L.: *screams and curses in French as he continues to hit the screen with the cactus*
Sonia: *grumbles as she mops up a wank puddle* I'm so sorry that we had to expose you to this horrible fic, Tails.
Tails: *as he's browsing on his Miles Electric* It's no problem, Sonia. I'm just going to pretend that it doesn't exist.
Rory: Wish we could do the same.
Sonia: My thoughts exactly, Rory.

Hotaru is using a smaller version and less flashy of a racing pilot suit. Thought it is black and purple as well her helmet.

"I really need to found a place to drive her." Benji says putting his helmet on the handle of the bike. "I haven't passed even from the first gear." Hotaru nods. Haruka don't know if she shouts at the new member of the group or drools over his bike. "How you bought it!" Makoto asks "Scratch that! Can I ride with you!" Minako runs to him. "I want to ride with him too!" she cries.

Manic: You warped Senshi want to ride something, and it's not his bike.
Axl: *plays a few more notes*
Kyo K.: This Stu really is trying to compensate for something, isn't he? First this stupid sword, and now a bike. It's like I'm reading a bad mid life crisis story here.

Benji moves to Haruka. "Want to try her?" Benji asks standing the keys for the blonde, in a gesture of peacemaking. "She wants it." Michiru replies grabbing the keys of it and Hotaru helmet. "Ride on it now Ruka." Michiru orders to the blonde who obey picking Benji's helmet and riding on the bike. She turns it on and Michiru rides behind her. The blonde takes off in a blink of eyes.

"I knew that it would be like that." Benji says to Hotaru, who nods agreeing. Serena whispers something to Darien and he blushes. "I give them five minutes before returning here feeling very content." Benji says to Setsuna and Hotaru. "With a Hayabusa? I give them three." Setsuna replies. "It is a brand new bike. By the looks of them I give ten minutes." Hotaru adds.

Rory: Okay, why is everyone so obsessed about how long it will take for them to have sex?
Benimaru: Because this is a Stu fic. And because they're lesbians. Lesbians are always horny in Gary Stu fics.
Sonia: Someone really... really needs to stop with that stereotype.

"What you three are guessing?" Ami asks curious. Benji leans close of her and whisper on her ear. "You know that in a bike you seat over the engine. The engine vibrates the entire frame. Including the seats. I need to explain more?" Ami goes into a deep shade of crimson and lets out a tiny gasp of surprise.

Kyo K.: Thank you, I'm now going to be celibate for the rest of my life.

"What you said to her?" Rei asks not content at all. "Have you ridden on a bicycle?" Benji asks. "Yes I had." Rei replies. "Well then you know what part of you touches the seat. Now imagine that on a racing bike." Benji adds. Now all the girls taking out Setsuna and Hotaru blush. Even Artemis and Luna blush understanding the not so hidden meaning of his words.

Manic: Ah, he's horny, it's so funny!
Tails: I hope that I never grow up to be like that.

And twenty two minutes later Haruka and Michiru returns. "Never drives with a girl beyond the second gear." Michiru says as she leaves the bike placing the helmet over the seat. Haruka does the same. Both are looking a bit flushed. "I am going to the car." Haruka says. "I am going too." Michiru replies moving with her lover. "But we are going to buy one too." She adds and Haruka just nods tired.

"Well we were far off." Setsuna says. Benji and Hotaru nod. "Well what we do now?" Hotaru asks. "I want to ride too!" Minako and Makoto shouts to Benji. "Later." He replies.

Benimaru: *as the Stu* Besides, I'm not interested in you. But please, continue to lust over my glistening muscles and horrible personality! *normal voice* That's not the proper way to treat the ladies, Stu.
Kyo K.: Yeah, you would know that.
Kyo L.: *panting* I hate... this.. fic.
Rory: We all do.

End of the chapter two:

Axl: Yes! Wow, this chapter was painful. How 'bout a break?
Sonia: *as she snips the author's note* I wish, but we have... an omake.
Axl: *groans* Can I die now?
Kyo K.: And leave us with this trash? No way.

Omakes:

Benji transforming.

Before Benji can test his watch the inner senshis enter on the house. They all want to see the Brazilian transform. With out choice Benji transforms in front of them. "Go Change!" Benji shouts pressing the buttons.

;Changeman opening theme;

Sonia: I want an explanation for this oddity.
Benimaru: Changeman is, well... part of the Super Sentai franchise. The transformation call is "Let's Change!"
Kyo K.: Hey, Beni.
Benimaru: Yeah?
Kyo K.: You do realize... that if this really was the inspiration for that call in the fic and not a parody, that would mean that he got this from a series that has kids as the target audience. His attempt to be edgy would have been from a kiddie show.
Rory: *with an amused grin* This might be the silliest news that I'll get all day.
Kyo L.: We'll never know. Besides, he did say "if".

The ground opens and a thick white mist covers Benji. Then as sudden as appeared the crack on the earth closed as if wasn't there.

Axl: And he wasn't visible. Turns out that he fell into the crack. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

And Benji now is wearing a skin tight red and white suit. With white ankle high boots, a golden belt with gun holster on the right hip, over his chest and back there is a white sweatshirt like part that covers above the navel height, the clothe over his neck is white, he is wearing red helmet with a black visor, yellow details and a dragon head over his forehead. He is also using white gloves with golden letter.

Tails: And who is surprised that he turned into the leader of the group? Anyone? Anyone?
Rory: I would've been surprised if he transformed into the... *gasps* pink one! Because pink is an icky girly color! No offense, Sonia.
Sonia: None taken. I know you were being sarcastic there.

Benji looks on his transformed form. Under the helmet his eyes went wide. He covers his face with his hands and fall over his knees shouting. "YOU TURNED ME INTO A SUPER SENTAI!" Benji sobs under the clothes. Hotaru comforts him. "Come on you told me that you enjoyed Changeman when young." Setsuna says.

Manic: If this is what causes you to cry, imagine how we feel. This fic is making us cry.

"When I was a nine years old!" Benji shouts getting up and glaring at her thru the helmet. "Well you are better than us you know." Ami says.

Benimaru: *notices a wank puddle* Who's mopping that?
Kyo K.: *hands the mop and bucket to Benimaru* He who saw it, mopped it. Get going, Beni.
Benimaru: Damn it. *mumbles as he mops the puddle*

"Yeah. At least you have a helmet that covers your face and not even an inch of your skin is showing off." Rei adds. Benji pulls a large bazooka from the thin air. "I will kill you!" Benji shouts to Setsuna who backs away.

Sonia: What the hell is wrong with you?!
Axl: Uh, Stu? Stu. You may wanna turn the Super Penis Rage back by like... a quadrillion.
Kyo L.: And I thought that I had rage issues. I mean, I was even beating the shit out of that screen with a damn cactus not too long ago.

"Don't do it! She has her weird moments but she is a good woman!" Michiru says. "You know that she betted all of you girls to me if I won a game of dices with her?" Benji asks. Michiru glares at Setsuna. "I paid you to not tell them that!" Setsuna shouts. "That was before you turned me in Change Dragon." Benji replies icily "She even said that she would talk you all in having sex with me to pay her debts."

Tails: I'm starting to envy Miyu. I would rather knock myself out instead of reading another word of this.
Manic: Might as well ask Amy to whack you with her hammer.

All the girls move closer of Benji. Ami, Makoto, Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru move closer. Ami, Makoto, Michiru and Haruka pull out of the thin air more parts of the bazooka and assemble it to Benji's main part. "Power Bazooka ready!" They all shout. Ami looks thru an aim scan. "Target locked!" she says looking at Benji. Hotaru hands to Benji a large bullet and Setsuna is running away.

Benji loads the bullet on the bazooka. "Fire!" they all shout together and the projectile hits the senshi of time turning her in tiny bits. A odd creature with crutches like arms appears on the street and screams "Gyodai!" and raises it's arms and open his large mouth and an golden eye there shot a beam of energy on Setsuna remains. She reassembled herself as a giant woman. The creature walks away staggering.

Benji talks to his watch. "Base Shuttle! Send the Change Robot!" and from a cloud a large giant robot appears. Benji and the senshis enter on it and fight the now giant monster Setsuna.

All: *confused*
Kyo K.: Okay, um... what did I just read?
Sonia: Nonsense.
Kyo K.: This entire fic so far is nonsense.
Rory: Confusing nonsense?
Manic.: That's also what this fic is.
Benimaru: Well, I would like to know how many chapters we have left.
Kyo L.: *sighs* Seven.
Axl: *flatly* Yippee.
Kyo K., Benimaru: *downs a Sonic Screwdriver*
Benimaru: Then let's get the heck through this thing.

--

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