Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 13: Coming Home (Part Five)

--

chapter 13

Colleen was frying grilled cheese sandwiches in the kitchen while Julie worked at the table when Randy arrived home. She didn't even greet him when he came in to see if Julie needed any help, Colleen just continued with her cooking.

Amy: Oh, great. Forced drama.
Manic: You know the drill; it's not her fault for acting irrational.
Sonic: As if Sues could ever be at fault for their crappy attitudes. *whispers* Kathryn...
Amy: *cringes*
Sonia: Never speak of that twit again.

"Uh, Jules, how about you get washed up for dinner okay?" He asked. Julie jumped up went the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She was old enough to realize they were going to "talk" and she didn't want to be present for it.

Manic: He's not hurting her, Julie.
Sonic: *plays 70s porn music*
Amy: *stops the music* No!

After they heard the soft click, Randy sighed and began to speak.
"Colleen," he began. "let me explain."
"What is there to explain?" Colleen finally turned and looked at him. "You ran into an old friend, so what?" She quickly returned to her task.

Sonia: Really? We're going to leave the sitcom nonsense and do the soap opera nonsense now?
Amy: Um... yes. Yes, we are.

"She and old girlfriend, and I'm sorry it got so awkward." Randy looked down at his feet.

Amy: It really didn't. Miss Wangst here only made it awkward by rudely stepping between you two. But hey, it's never her fault!

Colleen remained silent. "Colleen, why won't you talk to me? I said I was sorry."
"You don't have any reason to be sorry Randy, I'm just tired alright?

All: Uh-huh. Sure.

I left because I didn't see any need to be there any longer." Colleen sighed becoming frustrated.

Manic: Yeah, and let's let out a sigh of frustration because clearly... it's not his fault, even though it's somehow his fault, which was caused by you being a rude idiot... and I think my brain's leaking out of my ears.

"Want me to finish dinner?" He asked after a few moments of standing there silently.

Sonic: Wait. Grilled cheese sandwiches are their dinner?
Sonia: That's what happens when you spend all that money on a fancy new apartment and not enough on food.

"No, I've got it." She said blankly. Randy walked up behind her and silently wrapped his arms around her waist hoping she wouldn't pull away. To his great satisfaction, she didn't, she leaned into him just slightly, her feet aching from the day.

Amy: Then why didn't she get a stool to sit on while she was cooking?
Sonic, Manic: Logic.

Julie returned to the kitchen and began to set the table. Randy gave Colleen a kiss on the cheek and helped Julie get the dishes out.

Sonia: Yeah, the director said that she can come out.
Manic: Either that or she turned into a mouse. Those ears must be good.

A/N sorry this is short again, but please tell me what you think of this chapter. Props to my friend Lindsey for the excellent idea for this plot change ;)

Sonic: That... wasn't a plot change. Also, we had no real plot. *shakes head* Oh, poor author. You got duped into thinking that that's a plot change.

chapter 14

Randy walked silently down the sidewalk, looking into the storefronts of the shops he passed. He noticed a Baskin Robins up ahead and decided to grab a little something.

Sonia: I wonder if it's ice cream!
All: Hmm!

He was in deep thought as he waited in the unusually long line. I have to do something for Colleen, she didn't even say good-bye this morning. I know she's lying when she says she's okay. I just don't know why she's upset though,

Sonia: *stares at the screen*
Amy: You're a doofus, mister.
Manic: And she's a whiny dolt.
Sonic: So it's a match made in Hell, then. *casually snaps his fingers* Gotcha.

it's not like Lauren- his thoughts were directly cut off by a tap on his shoulder. He spun around and was face to face only inches from Lauren.

Amy: *hangs a sign labeled "Sudden Plot Device" over Lauren's neck* Ah, there we go! Please continue the contrived drama!
Manic: Seriously, this is lame. I already know that I'm supposed to hate Lauren for "getting in the way" of the most perfect couple that was never perfect to begin with. You can't fool a riffing vet.
Amy: Especially since we've tackled fics that had the same premise and was ten times worse. And we know what those fics were!

"Wow, Taylor, a little jumpy today?" She asked sarcastically.

Sonic: That's... that's not sarcasm...

"You ran off pretty fast last night, is everything okay? I didn't cause any trouble did I?" She cocked her head to the side and put one hand on her hip.

All: Yes.
Manic: But it's not your fault; we just needed something for Miss Wangst to whine about.

"Trouble? No, no why?" Randy stuttered. He was a little startled to have run into again so soon, he began to wonder if maybe she was stalking him.

Sonia: *stares at the screen* Are you serious? Really?
Amy: Remember, folks! Stalking's only appropriate if it's "twu luv"! If it's the third wheel or the "evil harpy", then they're just gross, icky people!

"Well, that girl looked kinda mad." Lauren moved just a little bit closer.
"Mad? No, she's real understanding."

Sonic: Ha! Yeah, and I'm the Pope!

"I'm sure." Lauren moved steadily closer, but despite his protests in his mind, Randy didn't move away when her lips moved into his.

Amy: Okay, she's not going to be real understanding about that, I'm sure.

Jill and Tim were walking hand in hand down the street, enjoying their day off together. They passed by Baskin Robins and Tim looked in, his stomach was growling to be fed. He stopped dead in his tracks, jerking Jill backward.
"Tim!" She scolded.
"Shh, Jill, look." Tim pointed to his middle son in the Baskin Robins in a lip lock with someone definitely not his girlfriend.

Sonia: *sarcastically* No, really? I thought that he was making out with a mirror image of himself!
Amy: Why am I not surprised that Mr. and Mrs. Taylor want their middle child and Miss Wangst to hook up in the end?
Sonic: You know, because she's "perfect" and all.
Amy: And why am I not surprised that Mr. and Mrs. Taylor are even there to begin with?
Manic: *holds up the Plot Device Purse*
Amy: Oh, yeah.

"Oh no. What's he doing?" Jill asked shocked.
"Do I really need to explain it to you?" Tim asked in a harshly sarcastically tone.

Sonia: Perhaps you should explain in interpretive dance.

"Tim, we need to tell Colleen." Jill shook her head, pulling her husband away from the window before Randy saw them.
Randy's mind was racing. What the hell was he doing? He was with Colleen. But he'd cared about Lauren so much.

Sonic: Do what most couples do... and solve those love triangle problems on Jerry Springer!
Manic: Nah, I'm just waiting for the Maury part where he impregnates Lauren and it's a huge paternity test fiasco.

He'd never wanted to end it and neither had she, but when he was in Costa Rico it was too difficult for them both.

Amy: Of course it's too difficult! Costa Rico doesn't exist!

He'd wanted to get back together with her as soon as he got back. Colleen changed all that for him.

Sonia: Yeah, by shoehorning her Suetiful wangsty behind in the middle of it.

Suddenly Randy realized this was wrong and he pulled away. Lauren searched his face frantically trying to figure out what he was thinking.

Sonic: You're asking the lobotomized Taylor brother to think? Are you outta your mind, ma'am?

Before she could say anything at all, Randy ran. He ran out the door and turned right, going as fast as his legs could take him. He had absolutely no idea where he was going but it didn't matter. How could he have done that? He'd never forgive himself.

Amy: Yeah, how dare he kiss his canon love interest!
Sonia: Oh, jeez. Someone needs to end this silly nonsense right now.
Manic: *with a bag of popcorn* Why? Nonsense drama is the best drama, sis!
Sonic: *as he's munching on a handful of popcorn* You're tellin' me!

chapter 15

Randy wandered around the city for about the next three of four hours, not knowing where he was, where he was going or what he was going to do.

Sonic: Where'd he wander off to, friggin' Lake Erie?

When he'd finally decided he couldn't just run away from everything, he went home.

Manic: I wouldn't blame him for running. I'd run too if a Tragic Past Sue warped my brain.

When he got there, there was a note taped to the door: Randy, your parents invited us to dinner. Meet Julie and I there when you get this.
XOXO ~Colleen His heart almost broke into pieces at the sight of the simple 'XOXO.'

All: *flatly* What.
Amy: It's just four letters! Any doofus can write four letters!

He quickly put on an unwrinkled pair of khakis and a nice shirt and hurried off to his parent's house. *****
Before walking in the front door, Randy sighed deeply and plastered a fake smile across his face.

Sonia: Manic, I thought that you put that trowel away.
Manic: I did!
Sonia: Then who... *looks at Sonic*
Sonic: *shrugs as he puts the trowel away* Had to be done, sis.

Upon entering, he could smell Colleen's famous vegetarian cooking

Amy: It's not famous if I've never heard about it until now.

and saw Julie and Mark watching a movie, his parents no where in sight. Julie turned on hearing someone enter and smiled brightly at him.
"Randy! Wanna watch the Lion King with us?" She asked.
"Nah, I can practically recite that movie word for word."

All: *smirking* Mmm-hmm!

He laughed a little then walked over to the kitchen and sure enough, his mother and Colleen were cooking up a storm. Just then, Tim walked in.
"Hey Randy, ya mind helping me out in the garage for a minute?" He asked. Randy looked at him puzzled then shrugged and followed his dad out the door. Tim sighed and turned to face his son once the door was shut. "We saw you today." He blurted out.

Manic: Yeah, what a great way to start a father-son conversation!

"What?" Randy asked, then a look of pure fear rushed over his face. "You did? You told Colleen didn't you?" Randy took a step forward and put his hands on his father's shoulders.

Sonia: Don't strangle your father, please. We're riffers, not morgue workers.

"No, it's not our place too, but you should."

All: *gets up*
Sonic: Time to set up the couch, then...

"I know I should, but, I don't know how, and I don't know what I feel anymore. I was with Lauren so long, I cared for her like you wouldn't believe, but now, I feel the same way about Colleen." Randy let go and slumped backward, ashamed.

Amy: Despite the fact that the latter had no development, but hey! She's so perfect!

"You need to choose, there is no playing games here, you know you can't do that to them."
"I know."
"Have you thought about marriage?" Tim asked out of the blue. Randy's head jerked up at the question.

Manic: And of course we had to go down the marriage route. Now we really know who he's gonna choose.

"Not really." He admitted. "Maybe a little."
"To who?"
"I don't know."
"Could you see yourself with Colleen for the rest of your life?" Tim continued the interrogation hoping to help his son figure out what he really wanted.

Sonic: I sure as heck don't, because it makes no sense.
Sonia: None of us see it, Sonic.

"Yea, but I can see myself with Lauren too." Randy sighed, he wasn't getting anywhere.

Amy: Oh, if only he could see the future where he dated two women at once...

"Well think about it more closely." Tim patted him on the back and led him into the house.

Sonia: Once again, you're asking him to think. That's not a logical request.
Amy: I love how his dad's on board for his son to marry Miss Wangst. *sarcastically* Clearly, there's no bias here.

Jill was just setting the last of the food on the table where Mark and Julie already sat.
"What are we having? It smells great." Tim rubbed his hands together, also taking a seat.
"Hamburgers." Jill informed him.
"Veggie burgers for us though." Colleen told Randy as she kissed him lightly on the cheek. He smiled at her thankfully. Colleen had decided to become a vegetarian shortly after hearing many of his "it's wrong to eat meat" speeches.

Sonic, Sonia, Manic: Uh...
Amy: *takes a deep breath and lets it out as she slowly dissolves into a pile of glitter*
Sonic, Sonia, Manic: Uh...
Sonia: *as she sweeps Amy up* Well. That was new. And I guess that proves something.
Sonic: *as he's eating a chili dog* That she'll mold herself just so she can get closer to her hump buddy. Yep. She's got no spine of her own.
Amy: *reforms, brushes away some excess glitter* I really need to explode into something else. Glitter's nice, but it can be so messy.
Sonic: Yeah, just don't get that all over my dog, Ames.

Dinner was rather uneventful. Julie had eagerly insisted Randy sit next to and that she got a veggie burger too.

Sonia: Sit next to whom?
Manic: Her imaginary friend.

It was during dinner that Randy realized what put Colleen at the top of the list instead of Lauren, Julie. He loved her like his own little sister, maybe even a daughter, but also, he loved Colleen's motherly instincts and all the love she had for her.

Sonic: Except for that part where she left her with her abusive dad and was easily forgiven for it, but hey!
Amy: I have no idea why it took me so long to realize that Julie was a plot device for her wangsty sister. The evidence was right there! And that sentence just confirmed it!
Sonic: Hey, better late than never, Ames.
Amy: But still, ugh. Using your sibling just to score major points with the hot guy? Ugh...
Sonic: Ames, Sues don't have empathy. You already know that.

He truly could see himself marrying her and having kids together. Then again, hadn't Lauren always wanted them to have kids?

Manic: Wait, does Lauren want Miss Wangst and Lobotomy Man to have kids, or did she want to have kids with him?
Amy: *shrugs*
Sonia: I don't care, I just don't want anybody in there to reproduce. This fic's a giant mess.
Sonic: Makes my messy chili dog look spotless.

--

Continue to Part Six
Go Back to Part Four
Go Back to Incredibly Resilient Riffers Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page