Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Black Crow Crew, Episode 13: Sabrina's Adventure 2: Return of Sabrina (Part Nine)

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10. Emerald Switch

Cassy: Do I turn it on or off?

Tails,Amy,Cream,and Christina had just returned to Station Square after being told by Sonic and Shadow to bring Christina there for safety.

Kyo: *burns his dunce cap* We know. We're not stupid. Stop holding our hands.

Sabre has just struck again on Paradise Island,he kidnapped Sabrina.Sabre now has one of the two special emeralds,the black one,Christina holds the second emerald,the rainbow emerald.

All: *irritated* We know!
Jessie: Oh, for the love of... *rubs her forehead while muttering*
Miyu: I'm getting really annoyed with these fics that have to recap everything that happened five minutes ago. Not only does it insult the reader's intelligence, it unfortunately throws the author's writing skills into serious question.

They all just landed back home,Tails landed the plane in the back of Sonic's house.Everyone hopped out of the plane,Tails closed the launch door.

Kyo: Unfortunately, they landed in an area that contained bees!
Cassy: Dude, what is it with you and bees?
Kyo: Bees make everything better.

"Whew, we should be safe here for now,Christina." Christina looked around and gasped. "Wow,your house is huge,Tails!" Tails shook his head. "We all live here,Christina,every one of us except Sabre."

Cassy: If he did, I'm sure the dinner parties would be really tense.
Miyu: *as Tails* This is Sabrina's brother, Sabre! He once tried to blow up the world and we still haven't kicked him out yet!

Christina nodded and walked around. Amy walked ahead of her and walked to an unmarked door. "Good thing we always have some spare bedrooms! This will be your room,Christina,you will sleep in here!"

Kyo: Are you idiots running your own hotel? Did you just... how do you have extra rooms?!
Jessie: *holds up the plot convenience purse*

Christina looked around. "I like it,Amy.Thank you." They both left the room and toured the rest of the house.After they were done,Tails went into his room and started the Tornado. Christina hopped in the plane with him. "We're going to see the guardian Knuckles,right?" Tails nodded,the plane took off into the sky towards the Mystic Ruins.

Miyu: And then half of the house was taken with the Tornado. Nice going.
Kyo: I'm surprised that none of us made that joke sooner.
Miyu: I think the editor did... way back in the third part. Oh, my... I'm incredibly late with my timing.

On Paradise Island,Sonic and Shadow are looking for Sabrina,who was kidnapped by Sabre.

Cassy: *flashes her claws, places them to her head* I swear, I'm going to claw my own face off. I can't deal with this blatant goldfish crap.
Jessie: Retract the claws, Cassy. You're not going to drive yourself to suicide with this.

"Sabrina!" They have been searching for hours,but they couldn't find her anywhere,Sonic and Shadow both returned to the park. "Sonic,did you find them?" Sonic shook his head.

Miyu: Sonic also pointed to the narration that said, "But they couldn't find her anywhere."

Shadow pounded his fist on the ground. "No,she can't be gone!" Sonic walked over to him. "Don't worry Shadow,we'll find her,

Jessie: *as Sonic* Especially since we still haven't looked in the forest yet because we're idiots...

I know you love her,but don't be too worried,she's good at handling these things,

Kyo: *falls out of his seat while laughing*
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* We also had to add the "you love her" bit because, you know... "twu luv".

c'mon,let's keep looking." Shadow nodded. The two heroes started running around the whole island again.

Cassy: And watch them continue to ignore the forest.

In the deep forest of the island,Sabrina was being held captive by Sabre.

Kyo: *returns to his seat, stops laughing, stares at the screen* Shut. Up.

She continued to struggle against the tough vines that are around her hands and feet,she still couldn't break them. Sabre was sitting by a warm fire he made,he didn't care about his sister being hurt or not,he was after her black emerald.

Jessie: *exasperated* Oh, my god. We know!
Miyu: Okay, time out. *pauses the fic* Why is this chapter treating us like we're complete morons?
Cassy: Because the characters are complete morons?
Miyu: That's one possibility.
Kyo: You know what, ladies? Most of what we riffed so far should've been cut out. I'm guessing that the Suethor wanted to pad that word count out.
Cassy: Too bad that it's pissing us off, dude. *resumes the fic*

He sat by the fire patiently,he stood up and walked over to Sabrina,he made an evil grin.

All: *sighs as they remove their dunce caps*
Jessie: We got it, he's evil. Move the hell on.

"Now,what was I going to do with you? Oh,that's right,I'm going to take that emerald out of you!"

Miyu: Looks like Sabrenagi forgot how to be evil for a moment there.

Sabrina started panicing. "Sabre,no,don't do this! You're going to kill me!"

Kyo: And this is a problem because...?

Sabre grinned. "I don't care if you die,you're going to anyway,as well as you're pathetic friends!"

Miyu: It's "your". "Your".
Jessie: I know I'm supposed to feel sorry for her, but after two fics full of this crap, I just wish that she would get offed.
Cassy: Yeah, too bad we know that she won't. She's immortal.

Sabrina tried to get out of the vines again,but no avail,she was going to die.

*A fish suddenly plops on the table.*
Kyo: *points at the fish* What the hell is this?
Jessie: It's a fish, you dork.
Kyo: Thanks, Captain Smartass.
Miyu: Well, yes, but... it's telling us that it's an obvious dead herring. We know that she's not going to die, yet the narrator is telling the goldfish -- I mean -- readers that she's "doomed".
Cassy: *scoffs as she removes the fish* Man, this fic was boring, dumb, really boring, then hilarious, and now it's insulting us. Bring back the bad fight scenes, fic!

Sabre pulled Sabrina up so she was standing. Sabrina tried to move,but she was tied very tightly,

Kyo: Suethor, do you have a bondage fetish?
Jessie: Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Kyo: Oh, we know you do, Jess. Especially with the story that I heard about you and that biker chick.
Jessie: Not now, Kyo...

Sabre put his hands by her body. "Sabre,stop! Let me go!" Sabre didn't listen.

All: Uh...
Cassy: Sabrenagi, you're gonna need to dial the unintentional incest back by like a billion points, dude.

"Lucky for me,I found out about your emerald and it's secrets when I stole the Master Emerald from that weak echidna 10 years ago,

Kyo: This fic feels like it's been going on for ten years.

I know how to do everything with it,even how to take it out of you!" Sabre started mumbling words as he kept his hand near her body.

Miyu: *as Sabre, mumbles* I will end this terrible fic now.

"The servers are the seven chaos,chaos is power,power is enriched by the heart,the controller serves to unify the chaos. Now,bring forth the black chaos emeralds to me!"

Jessie: Now he can't count. There's only one black emerald.
Cassy: Uh... wait a sec. I thought that the black emerald was strong as the Master Emerald, yet... it takes over it?
Kyo: Logic. Gone. Stop.

Sabrina started feeling strange,she suddenly started glowing black,she felt extremely sharp pains on her whole body.

Kyo: And now you can feel the pain that we went through. Especially when the plot was halted!

"Sabre,stop it right now--AAAAAHHHH!!!!!" The ground started shaking,the whole island was shaking,

All: *removes their dunce caps*
Miyu: *sarcastically* Yes, because the island was in the air just like Angel Island is.

Sabrina started screaming in great pain,she started feeling weak,her blue eyes turned into tiny black dots. A dark glow started to form on her chest,a black gem started to form there. Sabrina tried to get out,but she was very weak and in great pain,she felt like she was going to explode. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Jessie: *while reading a magazine* Let me know when I'm supposed to cry for her.
Kyo: *laughs menacingly* Yes, yes, keep screaming for me! I want to hear your misery!
Miyu: Okay, okay, calm down, Kyo.
Kyo: Oh, no, Miyu. I want to enjoy every second of this!
Miyu: *sighs*

The black gem came out and fell into Sabre's waiting hand,the gem was black,it was flashing with energy.

Cassy: *as she plays with her dunce cap* No, really? I thought that the gem was friggin' blue!
Miyu: The black cat, who was clearly black, sarcastically indicated that the clearly black emerald was blue.
Cassy: *glances at Miyu* Are you kidding me?

The force of the energy blast broke Sabrina's restraints,she fell down on the ground.

Kyo: Glad to hear that. Now we don't have to hear thirty more versions of "Sabrina tried to get out, but the restraints kept her there."

Sabre grinned and backed away. "At last,I finally have it,the black chaos emerald! Now nobody can stop me!" The emerald started floating in his hand,it started moving towards Sabre's heart,the gem touched his body and started to sink in. "Yes,I can feel the power!" The emerald went into his body,Sabre's whole body started glowing black,he

Miyu: ...blew up.

punched a tree,the tree broke right off of it's trunk.

Cassy: Sabre smash!

Sabrina layed there on the ground,motionless.

Jessie: Well, duh! She had that emerald in place of a heart! Of course she wouldn't move!
Kyo: And she should be dead, but since this is a Sue fic...

On the other side of the island,Sonic and Shadow felt the rumble,they both stopped running. "Whoa,that was no earthquake!

Cassy: Yet the island was shaking. Okay, totally not an earthquake! Dude, that technically should be your first thought!

Shadow,did you feel that?" Shadow didn't say anything. "Sonic,I can feel very strong energy.It might be Sabrina!" Suddenly,they both heard an ear shattering scream. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Shadow froze. "That's Sabrina,she's in trouble!" Sonic nodded. Both hedgehogs started running to the source of the sound.

Jessie: So... we went back in time about five seconds to hear her scream again. Suethor... have you ever heard of a scene change?
Cassy: Logic, dude.

Sabre was laughing evily as he kept punching more objects in the forest,trees,rocks,everything. He stopped punching and walked over to his sister,who still hasn't moved.

All: *facepalms*
Kyo: Getting real tired of this blatant hand holding here...

"Well,that wasn't so hard! Now I have enough power to destroy this pitiful planet!"

Cassy: Hey, if it means ending this stupid fic, go for it, dude.

Suddenly,he heard footsteps from behind him. Sabre jumped in the air and vanished. Sonic and Shadow ran into the area,Shadow saw a fire,he also saw Sabrina laying on the ground,motionless. "Sabrina!" He ran over to her and kneeled down. "No,Sabrina!" He held her head up,her eyes were closed.

Miyu: *removes her glasses, sighs as she buries her face in her hands*
Jessie: You know, it wouldn't hurt to put out the fire, guys...
Cassy: Nah, let it burn. Nobody cares about the forest burning down when the Sue's in peril.

Shadow had tears down his cheeks,he started sobbing. "No,please don't go,don't go!"

Kyo: Please go. Bite the dust, buy the farm, kick the bucket. I don't care.
Miyu: *as she adjusts her glasses* I find this utterly ridiculous that this is coming from Shadow, of all characters.
Kyo: Sorry, what? Can't hear you over the "twu luv", Miyu!

He saw her hand start flinching,she started breathing.Shadow saw this and stopped sobbing. She started to talk weakly. "Shadow." Sabrina slowly opened her eyes and saw Shadow and Sonic. "What? I'm alive?"

Kyo, Cassy: Oh, no! No, no, no! Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!
Cassy: She should be dead!
Jessie: *while filing her nails* But she's immortal.
Cassy: Still calling it bullshit, 'cause that's what it is! She has no heart! No heart should equal being dead! He just pulled a Kano on her and she's still alive?! God, I hate this fic!
Jessie: God replied to you, Cassy; He just said, "Too bad, finish riffing it."

Sonic ran over to her. "Sabrina,what happened?"

Miyu: A plot device.

Sabrina slowly stood up,she felt very weak.

Jessie: Duh. Of course she'd be weak when her Sue trinket's gone.

"Sabre,he got the emerald!" Sonic and Shadow growled. "He won't get away with this! We have to keep him away from Christina! I'm so glad you're okay!" Shadow walked up and hugged Sabrina,he let go of her and ran off,Sonic followed.

Miyu: Well, that was jarring. *as Shadow* We have to look after Christina... but enough about her, let's get back to you.

"C'mon,let's get him!" Sabrina nodded and started running after them,she felt different,she was running very slowly. She tried to run faster,but she couldn't.

Cassy: *facepalms*
Kyo: Look, Stephenie... just because you can't write doesn't mean that your audience is dumb. We know that she doesn't have her dumb gem.

"Sonic,Shadow,stop!" The two hedgehogs stopped running and saw her running very slowly. "Sabrina,why aren't you running?"

Cassy: Who said that? Who asked that dumb question? I swear, I'm going to slap one of you for that.

Sabrina stopped. "I can't move fast! The emerald's power must have left me!" Sonic and Shadow gasped. "That's it! Maybe her immortality kept her alive,but the emerald is gone,she lost her speed,strength,and powers. That means Sabre holds the emrald's power!"

All: *falls flat on their faces*
Jessie: *muffled* I didn't know that the blatant stupidity was enough to send all of us to the floor.
Miyu: And now my glasses are broken...
Cassy: *grumbles* I hate this fic.
Kyo: We all hate it, Cass. *lifts his head* Seriously, if we keep going, we might end up killing each other.
Miyu: Ironic words from the pyromaniac. Fine, we'll exchange; I need to get a new pair of glasses, anyway. *pauses the fic*
*After a few minutes, the Black Crow members leave, and the Crazy Train members enter the room.*
Mai: Oh, great. We've just dealt with a preachy idiot, and now we have to deal with more idiots?
Axl: It's the story of our lives, Mai. Anyway, we know what happened in this fic so far, right?
James: Yeah.
Rory: I couldn't forget because Cassy screamed it to me. False love interest, plot halting, something about... "whiny man fee-fees"? Wait, Kyo said that. Whatever, let's get this over with. *resumes the fic*

Sabrina and Shadow nodded. "So, what am I going to do,I'm powerless without the emerald."

Mai: You could just roll over and die. That'd be great.
James: And have her mind control powers go away? Can't have that.

Shadow walked up to her and picked her up. "You are coming with us!" Sabrina smiled and kissed Shadow on the cheek. Shadow's face turned red as he started running with Sonic.

Axl: Okay, you realize that she's powerless. Yet... you're going to let her come along and be a giant load? No wonder those guys left us with this crap fic.

Suddenly,out of nowhere Sabre appears,he was glowing black,he had evil red eyes.

Rory: Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious narrator. Why don't you just make a big ol' arrow that says "EVIL!!!" while you're at it?

"Well,look who decided to show up?" Shadow put Sabrina down,she started yelling at him. "Sabre,give me back my emerald!"

James: *starts laughing*
Mai: *shakes her head, groans in annoyance*
Axl: Yeah. That'll really get him to listen. Gold star for you, dummy!

Sabrina walked up to him and tried to punch him,but when she punched him,it hit him,Sabre didn't move,Sabrina felt pain in her fist. "Ow,I forgot about the loss of power." Sabrina backed away.

Mai: You deserve to die just for being incredibly stupid.
James: Then the world's population may be cut in half. That's pretty good.

Sabre grinned. "Look at you,you're as weak as a kitten without this!"

Rory: *while reading an Extreme Gear mechanic book* Cassy would take offense to that, Sabre. Also, I think the head writer should've used that line in her old stories.
Mai: And make that clone an even larger ham? No, thanks, Rory.
Rory: You make that sound like a bad thing, Mai. Cheese is great in small doses. Eat too much and you'll end up taking a--
Axl: We got it, Rory.

Sabre suddenly ran at Sabrina and punched her she went flying in the air,Shadow ran over and caught her. "Sabrina,are you okay?" Sabrina tried to get up,her leg was injured.

Rory: *looks up from his book, begins laughing*
James: What is it with badly written women characters and broken limbs? Are they married to each other or something?
Mai: It's a match made in Hell. Looks like you were right about her being a load, Axl.
Axl: Hey, it's a badfic. They have obvious patterns.

"No,I can't get up,I can't heal either!" Shadow gently layed her down on the ground and stood. "Don't worry,we'll get the emerald.You'll be safe here." Sabrina nodded and sat up.

James: And then a bear ate her. The End.

Shadow ran over to Sonic and Sabre,they were already fighting. Sabre was using his new chaos powers to attack Sonic,he clenched his fist and punched Sonic,he flew in the air,but landed safely on his feet. "I can't believe you did this,just to get revenge! You're gonna pay for this,Sabre!"

Rory: Isn't that what bad guys usually do to begin with? That's not news, man.

Sonic ran at him again,Sabre started running,Sonic tried to keep up,but Sabre's natural supersonic speed combined with the black emeralds power made him run nearly as fast as light. Sonic was not fast enough to get close to him,Shadow came up next to him. "Sonic,let's use chaos control!" Sonic nodded. Shadow pulled out his chaos emerald,he grabbed Sonic's hand. "CHAOS CONTROL!" They both disappeared in a flash of green light. Sabre continued running at the speed of light,he suddenly saw a green flash of light in front of him,Sonic and Shadow came out of the light,they both hit him with a powerful kick.Sabre went flying into the air,Sonic and Shadow jumped up and kicked Sabre again,he flew to the ground very fast and crashed there.

Mai: *bored* Thrilling.
James: To be fair, this is the closest that we'll get to some detail, so... yeah.
Rory: I'm just stumped at this line... "Sonic was not fast enough to get close to him." It's Sonic. Why isn't Sonic fast enough?
James: Because the Sue's brother has her Sue trinket.

There was a giant cloud of dust,Sabre got back up in the cloud,Sabrina saw him. "Sonic,Shadow,look out!" The two hedgehogs landed on the ground and heard Sabrina's warning. "Sonic,Sabre is using the dark energy ball,get out of the way!" Both Sonic and Shadow

Axl: ...got smacked like bowling pins.

ducked to the ground,

Axl: Damn it.

a black beam shot out from the dust cloud,it flew right over them and hit a nearby tree,the beam went right through the tree and went through the forest.Everything in it's path was destroyed,there was a loud explosion,the dust cloud around Sabre cleared.

Rory: Captain Planet's not gonna like this.

he was injured very badly,he grinned and clenched his fists,they glowed black,the arora spreaded to his whole body,all of his scratches,cuts,and bruises disappeared.The arora faded away, Sabre grinned.

Mai: Okay, how was he injured when he was destroying things that were in front of him?
James: Fic doesn't know what a plot is, and now you want it to start doing physics, Mai?
Mai: I just want it to make sense.
James: Yeah, tough shit, Mai. It's not going to make sense.

"Can't you see,you foolish weaklings,I am invincible,you don't stand a chance against me! Now,I will destroy you pests once and for all!" Sabre held one of his hands out,a small black dot formed,the dot grew into a small ball,then it started glowing brighter each second. Sonic and Shadow started running away.

Rory: You couldn't just say that he formed an energy ball? Do you really have to pad this out?
Mai: Yes.

"Shadow!" Shadow ran back and grabbed Sabrina. The three hedgehogs ran away from Sabre,

Axl: Okay, how is Sabrina running on an injured leg?!
James: She's Greg Jennings. She put the team on her back!
Rory: She's the most best Sue!

then they all disappeared with chaos control right before Sabre shot the energy ball. The ball flew at the spot and hit,making a giant fireball,Sabre laughed evily. "Hahahahah,now that those pathetic heroes are gone,nothing can stop me from ruling the world!"

Mai: Well, they can just regroup and come back. Ever thought about that?
Rory: Nope. Cardboard can't think, Mai... and even if it did, what about that cardboard Edward Cullen that that one girl married? I mean--
Mai: You're going off track again, Rory.
Rory: Oops.

On Angel Island,Tails and Christina arrived there in the Tornado. The two kitsunes hopped out of the plane and walked to the altar of the Master Emerald. "Wow,it looks...so familiar in a way!"

James: *as Christina* It's like my emerald... but bigger! I'm so shocked!

Tails nodded and continued walking to the altar. "Hey Knuckles!" The red echidna stood up and turned around and saw Tails. "Hey Tails,long time, no see! Who's your friend?"

All: Yes. "Friend".

Christina stepped up and shook his hand. "Hello, I'm Christina Ark, the princess of Forest Village." When she grabbed his hand,Knuckles felt a strange energy. "Hold on a minute,I felt something.Do you have a chaos emerald?" Christina nodded. "Yes,I have a very special emerald,see?"

Axl: "Special"? Yeah, you misspelled "broken" there, Suethor.

Christina closed her eyes, a colorful arora formed around her body,a colorful gem appeared in front of her. Knuckles gasped. "The rainbow chaos emerald?! But how?"

James: Wait, how do you know about it all of a sudden?!
Mai: Because the story said so.

Christina held the emerald out to Knuckles. "It was inside me my whole life,but I'm not sure why."

All: Because you're a Sue.

Knuckles let the emerald drop into his hands. The e,erald started glowing. "Wow,this emerald is as powerful as Sabrina's emerald! This may be one of the legendary elemental emeralds!" Tails perked up. "Elemental emeralds? What are those?"

Rory: *as Knuckles* They're like the Super Emeralds... but dumber.

Knuckles walked up to the altar with the rainbow emerald,he put his empty hand on the Master Emerald,the giant green gem glowed brightly. "Elemental emeralds are two special chaos emeralds that only appear in living things,only people like us,echidnas,foxes,hedgehogs,anything. The person who holds the emerald can control the energy and be able to use it for defense,fighting,healing,whatever the person can do. The holder of the emerald can posess immortality or the ability to reincarnate. Looks like we found both of them! Sabrina and Christina have them!" Tails and Christina nodded.

Mai: So... there's only two, and they're in two Mary Sues. Wonderful.
James: Even worse is that they can be immortal or bloody reincarnate. As if those dumb trinkets could not be any worse.

Suddenly,a bright green flash appeared behind everyone. Sonic,Shadow,and Sabrina appeared from the light. Tails,Christina,and Knuckles gasped. "Sonic,I thought you all went after Sabre,what happened?" Sonic stood up,Shadow stood up and picked up the injured Sabrina. "Sabre,he got the black emerald! Sabrina's hurt,she lost her powers!" Knuckles ran over to Sabrina. "Knuckles,Sabre got my emerald. He is too strong,I can't run fast." She was feeling faint.

Axl: *as Shadow* Sabre has her emerald! *as Sabrina* Sabre has my emerald! *normal voice* Uh... thanks for padding that out, dummy.
Rory: Don't you just love how her speed is more important?
James: Either that or she's been doing speed.

"Don't worry,I can heal you." He picked her up and carried her to the Master Emerald.He gently put her down and put his hand on her arm,he put his other hand on the Master Emerald,the emerald strted to glow,a green arora appeared on Sabrina's body,the arora stayed on her body for a few seconds before it faded away.Sabrina opened her eyes and sat up,she stood up,she didn't feel any pain,she was healed.

Mai: *with a dunce cap on her head, sighs* Duh.

"Thank you, Knuckles!" Knuckles smiled. Sonic and Shadow stood up. "Now,what are we going to do,Sabre is too powerful,Christina has the other emerald! But she doesn't want to fight him."

Rory: So... keep her away from him and have Knuckles help you idiots?
James: Rory, you've just commited the sin of using logic. I'll have to kill you now.

Sabrina walked over to them. "I have an idea,I remember how Sabre took the emerald out of me before I passed out,he put his hand by me and mumbled some words,then the emeralds came out of me and landed in his hand. Maybe if we do that with me and Christina,I might get my powers back to fight him!" Christina walked up. "Yes,that may be able to help her."

Mai: That didn't make any sense to me, and I don't feel like figuring out why it's stupid.

Shadow,Sonic, and Knuckles nodded.Shadow walked up to her. "Are you sure you want to do this? If you want,I can help you." Sabrina nodded. "Yeah,I'll be fine,you can come with me if you want,you too,Sonic!"

James: Some humility. *as Sabrina* Yeah, you can come with me, but I'll get all the credit because my name's in the title!

Sonic nodded. "Yeah, definetly!" Sabrina and Christina walked over to Knuckles. The two girls stood still,Knuckles closed his eyes and started mumbling words. "The servers are the seven chaos,

Axl: ...yet there are nine regular emeralds in all. Yeah, okay.

chaos is power,power is enriched by the heart,the controller serves to unify the chaos. Only you can do this, move the rainbow chaos emerald!" The rainbow emerald that Knuckles was holding started floating in his hand. The emerald started moving towards Sabrina,she closed her eyes to brace the impact. The colorful gem started going into the yellow hedgehog,she felt alot of pain,she was able to endure the pain.

Rory: Because Sues can't just put effort into things, oh, no! They can take anything!

The emerald went inside her,her body started glowing many colors,there was a bright flash. The flash faded and revealed Sabrina,she clenched her fist,it started glowing many colors. "It worked,Christina,are you okay?" Christina clenched her fist,there was no light. "Yeah I'm okay, my powers are gone though." Sabrina nodded.

All: No, really?!
Mai: Suethor... we're not stupid. Want to stop holding our hands, please? We know how to look both ways before crossing the street.
James: Even though the characters in this thing will just run right into the street and somehow avoid the bus that should've hit them.

Sonic and Shadow walked over to her,Sonic shook her hand,he got a surge of the emerald's energy. "Whoa,you've got quite alot of power there!" Sabrina let go of his hand and grabbed Shadow's. He felt very powerful surges of energy. "Wow, I feel so much stronger, you are powerful,Sabrina!"

Axl: *stares at a wank puddle* Oh, for the love of... *mutters as he mops the puddle*
Mai: What was that, Axl?
Axl: A wank puddle. Happens when a Sue gets shilled.
James: Disgusting.
Rory: Hey, at least you didn't slip on one and hurt your back.

Sabrina smiled and let go of his hand. "Okay,let's go and stop Sabre once and for all!" Everyone nodded. Knuckles walked up to them. "I'm going with you guys,in case Sabre gets the emerald,I might be able to stop the black emerald's energy!"

James: But he'll never stop it in Sabrina, because she's too special.

Sonic nodded. "Ready?" Everyone nodded. Knuckles turned around. "Tails,Christina, you keep an eye on the Master Emerald!" Tails and Christina nodded. Sabrina clenched her fists and put a picture in her mind.

Rory: *tries to put a photograph into his head* Whoa. Is she a scanner? I can't even do that!
Axl: Way to take that line literally, Rory.

"CHAOS CONTROL!" A bright flash of colorful light surrounded them,the four heroes vanished.

On Paradise Island, Sabre was in the park,destroying it with his new chaos powers from the black chaos emerald. "Hahahahahah,looks like nobody can stand in my way of becoming the ultimate evil!" He kept punching trees and playgrounds,they snapped into pieces like twigs. He continued to torture the park,he was smashing jungle gyms,swingsets,slides,everything.People were running out of the park,panicing for their lives.

Axl: So... he's now Godzilla.
Mai: Sad that that's the only way to enjoy this now.
Rory: Some villain! He says that he knows what to do with the emerald, wants to destroy the world, and yet... he decides to give the little kids nightmares!
James: All he's missing now are some sandbox castles to kick over.

Suddenly, a bright flash appeared in front of him,he stopped walking and watched as four figures stepped out of the light. "Long time no see,brother!" Sabre grinned angrily.

James: *tries to make an "angry grin"* That's... not possible.

"You! I thought I destroyed you all!"

Rory: *as Emi* I thought that Nikaido-san had killed you!
Mai: Rory... we didn't riff that fic. How did you know about that?
Rory: Well, I had to know what we were getting into, Mai.

The bright flash faded away and revealed Sonic,Knuckles,Sabrina,and Shadow. "Well,I guess you were wrong!" Sabrina jumed at Sabre,he didn't move,he grinned. "You will never learn,will you! You lost your powers,how could--Ugh!" Sabrina punched him very hard,he flew very far before he landed on his feet. "What!? How could you possibly have chaos powers?" Sabrina clenched her fist and grinned.

James: *holds up the plot device purse* The offer still stands, audience.
Axl: *looks at the figurines* Hey, we're out of the Sonia and Kyo K. figurines now.
James: Of course they'd be the next to go.

Light appeared around her fist. Sabre made a smirk. "I see you brought me the other half of my prize! This should be very interesting!"

Mai: And then he loses, who cares? This fic is just... obvious.

Sabre ran at Sabrina,before he could get to her, a spiked fist flew in his face,he flew into the ground very hard. Sabre got up and saw Knuckles in front of Sabrina. "Why you little! You will pay for that!" Sabre started running at them at light speed,Sabrina ran at him at light speed.The two hedgehogs collided, a very bright flash filled the sky,the yellow hedgehogs flew away from each other,both crashing on the ground. The bright flash faded away as they both got back up. "It seems that we are evenly matched,sister!"

James: You sure about that? You're in a Sue fic, you know.

Sabrina growled. "You won't get away with this,give me back my black emerald!"

Rory: *as Sabre, laughs* No.

Sabre ran at her again. She started running at him,before they met,Sabrina ducked and tacked Sabre to the ground,Sabre got out from under her and threw her into the air. Sabrina landed on the ground safely.

All: *stares at the screen*
Axl: So, uh... is there anything in any of these fight scenes that can't be summed up as "The Sue is wonderful and better than everyone"?
Mai: No, and I don't know why you asked that.

Sonic and Shadow both tackled Sabre from behind,he flew to the ground,he got back up and tackled them both. Sonic and Shadow were both seriously hurt,

James: *throws his hands up* Of course.

Sabrina ran to the and used her healing powers while Knuckles fought Sabre.

Rory: Sabrina ran to the what? What did she run to? Inquiring minds need to know!
Axl: It's supposed to be "ran to them", but... typos make everything worse.

Sabrina healed both hedgehogs,Sonic and Shadow got back up. "Thanks Sabrina,we needed that!"

Mai: So she's a living bottle of Gatorade. Good to know.

Sabrina smiled and ran back to Knuckles and Sabre. "You are going to pay for stealing the Master Emerald 10 years ago and taking Sabrina's emerald!"

Rory: Man, he's so accurate. What's with the "10 years ago" stuff?
Axl: Because this fic is set ten years after the last one. And it will never let you forget it.

Sabre ran at Knuckles,Knuckles jumped out of the way and punched Sabre,he flew towards Sabrina,she kicked him into the air,he crashed on the ground. He got back up and healed himself.

Axl: Man, we'll be skeletons by the time this fight finishes up. All they do is heal, heal, heal.

"Not bad for a weak echidna,guardian!" Knuckles growled. Sabrina ran in front of him and ran at Sabre,he jumped out of the way and kicked Sabrina,she skidded to a halt from the impact. Sabre held one of his hands out,a black ball started forming,Sabrina did the same,a multi-colored ball started forming. The two hedgehogs shot the energy balls at the same time,they both collided in between the two siblings,the shots hit,they both formed a giant white flash,the flash turned dim and vanished. "Hah, we are even stronger than we think!"

James: Repeat scene until humanity is wiped out. Bad guy wins, everyone go home.
Mai: If there even is a home left to go to.

Sabrina growled,she turned to Knuckles. "Knuckles, now!" Knuckles nodded,he started mumbling words.

Axl: Were they "end this crap"?

"The servers are the seven chaos,chaos is power,power is enriched by the heart,the controller serves to unify the chaos. Only you can do this, emerge,black elemental emerald!" Sabre froze. "What? No!" Sabre ran at them as fast as he could,but right before he could touch them,his body froze,a black arora formed around his body. Sabre fell to the ground in extreme pain. "NOOOO!!! MY POWERS!!"

Rory: *eats a ham sandwich* Not bad. Needs more cheese, though.

The black emerald slowly emerged from his body,Sabrina walked over and grabbed it. The black arora faded,Sabre was moving very little,he opened his eyes. "No,my powers,they're gone!" He pounded his fist on the ground. He slowly sat up and growled very angrily at his sister. "I am not finished,sister! I will get you for this!" He stood up and vanished.

James: Hey, hey! You forgot your curly moustache, mate!

Sabrina was holding her emerald,it was glowing brightly,showing that it was back in it's proper place. Sonic,Shadow, and Knuckles ran to her. "Sabrina,you did it!"

Mai: Uh... no, Knuckles did it. Great, now she gets all the credit for existing and being a giant Mary Sue.

They all picked her up and started tossing her up and down,she was laughing in complete joy. "It wasn't me,WE did it,together!"

Axl: Oh, stop with the fake humility. We know how you Sues are.
James: Just steal the credit and fap to it, already.

Everyone put her down and nodded. Suddenly, a very large crowd of people surrounded them. They were cheering for Sabrina. "SABRINA! SABRINA! SABRINA!" The crowd picked her up and carried her into the city,Sonic,Shadow,and Knuckles followed the crowd.

All: *stares at the screen*
Rory: Really? Really?

"This medal and monument is dedicated to the heroic deed that was done by Sabrina the Hedgehog, who saved the world from a deadly threat."

*A large puddle splashes on the riffers.*
Mai: *lets out a long, irritated sigh*
Rory: Aww, man! My ham sandwich!
Axl: Oh, for the love of-- not this again!
James: What... just happened?
Axl: I'll talk when we're freakin' decontaminated!
All: *rushes out*
*One hour later*
All: *wordlessly sits down on a new couch*
Rory: So the Sue splooge ruined my sandwich. Great.
Mai: Well, looks like Kyo has something to burn now. And now that I think about it, if those four were still here... I'd hate to see how they would react to this.
James: Do we tell them?
Axl: I think it'll be a lot less painful if we do. I mean, they don't want to kill us.

The man placed a large,golden medal around her neck,she waved to the endless crowd. They

Mai: ...burned her at the stake.

cheered wildly,Sonic and his two friends cheered along on the stage in the island's city hall.They were also given golden medals for helping Sabrina.

Axl: Suethor. Both hands on the keyboard. Now.
Rory: *stares at a wank puddle* Who's mopping that?
James: *hands the mop and bucket to Rory* He who spotted it, mopped it.
Rory: *groans in annoyance as he mops*

Tails,Amy,Christina,and Cream watched from Sonic's house. "Yeah,they did it,they stopped Sabre!" Christina stood up and hugged Tails,he hugged her back. "Thank you Tails,I just don't know how to thank you!" Tails blushed a little.They continued cheering for Sabrina.

After a while,Sonic and his friends returned back to Station Square to relax. Right when they returned,their other friends were waiting in front of Sonic's house. "Sabrina,you did it! You saved the world!"

Rory: *quickly sets up a large umbrella and gets under it in time for another puddle to come down*
Mai: *sighs* Least we don't have to deal with the hazmat suit people again...

Sabrina closed her eyes and clenched her fist,the rainbow emerald came out and fell into her hand. "Christina, I got your emerald,here!" Sabrina tossed the emerald to her,Christina caught it. "Thank you so much,Sabrina!" Sabrina pulled out her black emerald,it started floating in her palm,the dark gem started glowing brightly,it went inside her.Sabrina had her black chaos powers back,she started running through the city at supersonisc speed.She got back in a few seconds,

Rory: Uh... what is it with Sues always having Sonic's abilities? It just ruins his character.
James: They're Sues. That's what they're supposed to do.

she clenched her fist,it started glowing black. "Yeah, I got my powers back! What about you,Christina?" Christina put the emerald inside her body,she felt stronger than ever before. "Yeah,but I feel so much stronger!" Sabrina nodded. "That's because your emerald was dormant,not active like mine,it must have happened when we switched!" Christina nodded.

Axl: *as Christina* Yeah, now I don't need to put any effort into honing my abilities!
Mai: I can see why they hate this fic. Because I hate it, too.

"Yeah, you may be right,I think I might stay here a little longer,I'm really starting to like it here!" Everyone nodded,especially Tails. "Sure,you can stay as long as you like,you're welcome anytime!"

Mai: Uh... what about her family?
James: Forget them, being with a boy is more important!

Christina ran over and hugged Tails. Sonic was enjoying the sight. "Boy,Tails is one lucky fox!" Amy walked over to him. "Sonic,I'm so glad you're okay!" Sonic smiled. "I'm great with that,Amy!" Amy smiled. Knuckles was leaving. "Catch ya later,Sonic!" He was on top of Sonic's house,he jumped off and glided away. "Later Knuckles!"

Mai: Wait, doesn't he lose altitude the longer he glides? How is he going to make it to Angel Island by gliding alone?
Rory: There you go again, using logic. Cut that out, Mai.

Shadow walked over to Sabrina. "Sabrina,you did it."

James: *annoyed* Oh, would you shut the bloody hell up with the arse kissing already?!

Sabrina's face turned a little red. "No. WE did it,Shadow!" Sabrina wrapped her arms around him and smiled. "Thank you Shadow, you're the one who taught me everything!" Shadow smiled.

Axl: And would you stop it with the fake humility!

The seven heroes walked into the house,not noticing that they were being watched...

Rory: *as Sabre* Just you wait... you will feel my wrath again...
Axl: Okay, we didn't riff that fic, either. You really did read the last two stories, didn't you?
Rory: It's like I told Mai earlier; I had to know!

--

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