Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 14: The Walking Flame

--

Chapter 1

Name: Scarlett Clock Swan

Amy: ...what kind of name is that?
Sonic: Ames, this's a Twilight fic. At this rate, any name is better than "Renesmee".

DOB: April 1, 1500 Barcelona, Spain

Physical Age: 500+

Species: Vampire (descendant of Asura)

Sonia: I can buy the age, considering that she's a vampire. But unless she changed her name after she became a vampire, there's no way in hell that her Spanish self is named "Scarlett Clock Swan".
Manic: Ah, you know that research doesn't exist in this universe. Just like how the west coast of Brazil is a thing there.

Looks: Waist-length Red hair, Natural Red eyes (All natural for the descendants of Asura), Wears Sunglasses, Pink Lips

Figure: Slender yet Slightly Slim, A body women would dream of having

All: *facepalms*
Sonic: Oh, we haven't even started this thing, and we're already gettin' smacked in the face with Sue traits!
Manic: Yeah, but then again, this whole series has Sue and Stu traits left and right.

Skin: Pale

Amy: I know, Sues usually have pale skin. But she's a vampire. Let's let that one slide.

Height: 5'9"

Sexuality: Bisexual and Opportunistic

Sonia: "Opportunistic" is a sexuality? That's a thing?
Manic: Why am I thinking that she's only bisexual because it'll make her "hotter"?
Sonia: Because bad fics do that.

Nationality: (Pick one)

Amy: Wait, I'll have to pick a nationality, even though she was born in Spain... and this fic will take place in Forks, as usual. How does this make sense?
Sonic: It's not supposed to, Ames.

Powers: If You Watch Black Blood Brothers and You See Zelman Clock, She has the same powers as him. She also has fast reflexes.

Manic: Why Are You Capitalizing The First Letter... and then forgetting that halfway through?
Sonic: *sighs* Great. Now we'll have to look that up because the author of the day thinks that we're all different versions of Miyu. Someone get on that, please.
Sonia: Fine. *reads the bio* Oh, this is not good.
Manic: What?
Sonia: Zelman Clock. Born in Poland. Birthday... April 1st. Same birthday as Scarlett.
Amy: Uh-oh. Then why couldn't the author just write a Black Blood Brothers fic instead?
Sonia: Beats me. He's also from a blood line that is linked to the great warrior... Asura.
Sonic: And so is she. Wow, this is gonna be a handful. What else, sis?
Sonia: Has a power called "Eye Ignite", meaning that he can control fire.
Amy: Ah. Um... you know this is going to be bad if we had to look all of this up.

Others: She is also very flexible. She is a very good singer and musician like Edward. She is the adoptive sister of Bella Swan. She is always relaxed and treats everything as if it was simple. She doesn't pay attention in school yet she gets every question right. Neither Bella, Charlie or anyone else knows she's a vampire except herself. Renee knows because she adopted her and Scarlett told her.

Manic: *facepalms* I don't know how to respond to this. I mean, it's canon because the vampires in that universe are all Sues and Stus, but... wow.
Amy: Even worse is that Scarlett told Renee that she was a vampire, thus putting the latter's life in immediate danger. Congrats, Renee should either have been turned into one herself or possibly dead because of your stupid butt.

Scarlett POV

Man, this is going to be boring.

Sonic: Fic just stole my words there.

When you're my age, you tend to travel a lot. And as many times as I traveled (Like I ever count), it tends to be boring.

Sonia: *sarcastically* Wow, you're a peach.
Sonic: What? She's unlikable and snooty? Par for the course for this universe.

I got off the plane and got my luggage; I walked towards the lobby and called a cab. You see Bella doesn't exactly know I'm here so I'm just going to surprise her.

Amy: By nearly mirroring the same things that Bella did when she first got to Forks! Complete with complaining about something to boot! What a surprise!
Manic: This series was sort of original, but it wasn't that creative, you know.

Oh, and another thing. You know how other vampires sparkle in the sun and some get burned or steam comes from them? Well, I'm the type that isn't either one of them. I look like a normal human, which is why Bella doesn't know yet.

Sonia: *facepalms*
Manic: Really now? Really?
Amy: How the heck do you out-Sue a Mary Sue race?! Way to break canon rules there!
Sonic: Considering that Meyer broke her own canon rules, I guess anything is fair game now.

Minutes passed before I was near Forks High School, so I walked to the front doors. It wasn't that bad looking. Man if this school isn't bad looking on the outside, I hope the students and teachers are not bad looking and smart. I hope their smart or they'd still be in elementary.

Sonia: Considering that you've just used the incorrect usage of "they're", you don't have much room to talk, smartass.

The bell snapped me out of my train of thoughts.

Amy: Translation: Snapped her out of insulting the plebian humans.

Then students started to pill out. Not literally though. I was so distracted in my thought that I never noticed some female and male students looking at me and whispering things about me. It was so casual.

Sonic: Oh, hi, Serenity! We totally did not miss you!

So then an idea popped up in my head. I would rather just surprise her then see her now.

All: *removes their dunce caps*
Manic: Man, being alive for over 500 years really didn't help her memory much, huh?

So I ran through the crowd of students out of the school and headed to La Push, to Jacob.

When I got there, I was met face to face with Jacob.

Amy: *deadpan* What detail. How thrilling.

Man, he sure has changed. I last saw him when he was 12 when I came to visit Forks and learn about Charlie and the other things here.

"Scar? Is that you?" Jacob asked. I smiled.

"Hey, Jake! Long time no see!" I said. Then I was tackled to the ground in a bear hug, good thing my glasses didn't fall off.

Sonia: What did she do, staple them to her head?

I felt 2 pair of arms around me so I guess it was…

Manic: Jake as a Shokan.
Sonia: *laughs* No!

"Scar!" a voiced yelled in my ear. I looked down to see Jacob and Leah hugging me. Though Leah was hugging me so tight, I think it was the bear hug that dropped me to the ground.

Sonic: That's... not Leah.
Sonia: And how do you know?
Sonic: Because I riffed with her once. Sucks that she had to go back home, though. She would've been an awesome riffer.

"Hey! Leah, Jake! It's good to see you too!" I said. They let go and we got up. I brushed off the dirt from my clothes.

"So, what are you doing here, Scar? If you would've told us you were coming, we would've thrown you a party at the bonfire!" Leah exclaimed. She was hyper sometimes, it was cute.

Sonic: Okay, that's really not Leah! She was never this bouncy person on Pixy Stix!
Amy: Oh, the magic of fanfics. Remember, they caused Mr. Kusanagi to swear more than a sailor.

I was the only vampire she liked because we spent time together when I was here years ago. And I knew how she felt when Sam imprinted on Emily.

Amy: Complete. Nonsense. If I remember correctly, didn't she hate vampires because they caused her to become a shapeshifter?
Sonic: Yep.
Amy: ...I should've known.
Sonia: And she ended up being withdrawn because she lost her lover to her cousin via imprinting.
Manic: Research doesn't exist, ladies. Doing that stuff is for losers.

"Yea well, I wanted it to be a surprise for Bella, so I decided to stay here while I'm in Forks. I'm going to visit her soon." I said.

After I said that Jacob made a face, "Oh, I don't think you should do that."

I put my hands on my hips and looked at Jake with a 'oh really?' look.

Amy: Because just saying "Oh, really?" took way too much effort.

"Why can't I?" I was curious to why.

"Bella is friends with the Cullens, their fucking bloodsuckers. No offense, sorry Scar. Worse is that she's one of the Cullen's girlfriend." Jake seemed really disgusted with the Cullens. Huh, well it must be normal since vampires and werewolves don't mix. Except me of course.

Sonia: *heavily sighs* Oh, dear heavens...
Sonic: Oh, would you shut up with the "I'm so special!" garbage? We haven't finished the first chapter and I'm already annoyed here!
Manic: Actually, we're almost done with it.
Sonic: I'm still annoyed.

"Wait, did you just say Cullen? " I was shocked! I last heard that they were in Alaska!

Amy: Wait. Wasn't Edward the only one who ended up in Alaska? No, wait... no, this must've been during the events of "New Moon". The whole family went to Alaska after that incident at Bella's birthday party.
Sonic: Oh, good. Now we know what part of the timeline we're in.
Manic: Did they manage to get to Alaska on a single tank of gas?
Amy: *laughs* Probably!

"Yeah…. Why? Do you know them?" Leah gave me a weird look.

I shook my head. "No. But I have heard of them. When you're in Italy for decades, you hear rumors of certain people."

You see when mother got better, her boyfriend, me and mom went to Italy for a while. I used to go and wonder around Volterra. While I was there, I met Jean and Alec.

Amy: That's Jane and Alec, thank you.

They were strange twins, but also rather lovely to me. Even though they tried to attack me every day I visited the Volturi, we still get along with one another.

Manic: ...the hell is this? That doesn't make any sense! *as Scarlett* Oh, they tried to kill me every day, but then we had afternoon tea! *normal voice* You flippin' kiddin' me? *starts laughing* What kind of stupid Mary Sue garbage is this?
Sonic: The kind that's making you crack up.
Manic: Dude, those two sentences have more bullcrap than an actual bull's crap! It's so funny!

"Okay…Well, come on! I'm sure they'd love to see you again!" Leah said as she practically dragged me towards the house. Sometimes, it's difficult to have her calmed down.

Amy: What do you mean "again"? We were told that they hadn't met before and Scarlett just said that she only heard of them. Also, Leah of all people wouldn't be that happy to direct anyone to the Cullens. Seriously, are these cardboard cutouts dense?
Sonia: It's a fanfic from the series that brought you one of the dumbest people in literary history, so... the answer to your question is an incredibly loud "yes".

A/N: Okay I'm just gonna fast forward to the training scene cause I don't like going through the whole thing so I hope ya'll like.

Sonia: Number one... why do we have an author's note in the middle of the story?
Manic: Because.
Sonia: And number two... why is this laziness being admitted here?
Sonic: Also because. And no, Suethor, we're not gonna like it.

Oh and this character has a reason to be a sort of mary sue so don't judge!

Amy: No, she doesn't. We're going to judge. In fact, we'll be judging harshly.
Sonia: No, the Black Crow judges harshly. We only point and laugh... for the most part.

I was jumping from tree to tree, while the pack was in their wolf form running towards where we're going to meet the Cullens.

When we got there,

Sonia: ...I was in a neck brace. Thank you, time whiplash.
Manic: How the heck did they get from Washington state to Alaska that quickly?
Sonic: Because bad writers forget about a little country called Canada that's between those two states. Heh.
Manic: Maybe they got there on a tank of gas, too!
Sonia: *chuckles*

the pack slowed their pace and spilled out onto the field. I stayed in the trees, reading my favorite book. It's about

Amy: *smashes the rest of that sentence away with her Piko Piko Hammer* Nobody cares!
Manic: *laughs loudly* No, but seriously, what is it about?

a soldier and his friends life through the military as their in World War II. It was the best, it kind of has less action since I've already been through that war.

Sonic: Oh, we're sorry that the mortal plebes would like to know about it since they weren't born yet, Miss Immortal Snob.
Sonia: She has lived for over five centuries. She still hasn't managed to learn how to be humble during that time frame. How disappointing.

"Wait… There's someone else here. Their up in the trees.." A unfamiliar voice said. I brought my head up from my book to look at who was talking.

Sonia: It could've been "There, up in the trees." or "They're up in the trees." Two of those usages would've been correct. And yet... it's "their". *facepalms* Oh, my god, make this usage nonsense stop.

I saw a boy around 17 with bronze hair, golden eyes and pale white skin looking up at me.

All: *flatly* Edward.

I sighed, guess it's my time to get down from here. And it was going to be nice if they never noticed me.

Amy: Mary Sue underestimates Mary Sue family members. Film at 11.

I climbed down the tree and walked right next to wolf form Jacob. I heard a gasp.

Sonia: How thrilling. Is anyone getting excited here?
Sonic: *almost dozes off* Huh? What?
Sonia: Never mind, you have just proved my point.

Chapter 2

"Scarlett!" a familiar voice yelled. I turned and my eyes widened behind my sunglasses.

Manic: Because a pair of sunglasses automatically makes you cool.
Sonic: She's trying way too hard to get "cool" points.

BELLA?! What in the world is she… oh nevermind.I forgot that she is the girlfriend of one of the Cullens, but I didn't think she would know about vampires and shifters!

Amy: Remember, Scarlett's lived for over 500 years!
Sonia: So a Mary Sue doesn't know about the Mary Sue who is hanging out with the family that is full of Sues and Stus. *sarcastically claps* Genius.
Sonic: This has got to be the ultimate Thirty Sue Pileup here.

She was going to run to me, but bronze boy and a pixie like girl stopped her.

"Edward, Alice! What are you doing?" Bella yelled at the two.

So those were their names! Though Edward….where have I heard that name before?

Manic: Hey, you lived this long, I thought that you knew everything! What's with the swiss cheese memory?

"Bella, you need to stay away from her. She's a vampire, for all we know she might attack you like James did." Edward said.

Amy: This is coming from the guy who wanted to eat her. This is also coming from the guy whose adoptive brother nearly ate her. Oh, the sweet, sweet irony!

"What?" Bella said. Edward turned to face me and growled. I did the same.

Great! You just had to tell her! I was going to tell sooner this week! Thanks a lot Jackass!

Sonic: God forbid that he had to tell her for her safety, jackass.

"Hey!" Edward yelled at me. I just smirked.

"Hi!" I said, waving.

Sonia: Okay... that was... random.

Bella pushed passed Edward and Alice, and head straight towards me with her head slightly down, causing her hair to make a shadow over her eyes.

Once Bella was in front of me, she just stood there. Then she raised her hand and was going to slap me. But I caught it before she could try to strike me.

Amy: Of course you did, because you're much better than the weak human.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Bella whispered.

Manic: You sure that's a whisper? Sounds like she just yelled it out.
Sonia: It would make more sense if it said that she harshly whispered.

I just stared at her, not speaking. She stared at the ground and I smelled a little bit of salt water.

Sonic: *sarcastically* Clearly, this is important information!
Amy: Unless we're referencing Bella's cliff diving... yeah, I don't know why the salt water bit is there.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" She yelled, and raised her other hand to slap me, but I caught it.

Amy: *as Scarlett* Did I mention how I'm so much better than Bella? Yes? Well let me repeat it!

Carlisle POV

Sonia: And where did he come from? Why is he so important?
Manic: Because it looks like he's supposed to hook up with her, based on the summary.

This girl and Bella seemed to know each other very well. Though I got to admit, she's not that bad looking.

Amy: Are you serious? Are you serious?!
Manic: Hm? What's the matter, Ames?
Amy: As much as I hate how this series handles romances... in canon, there's usually a sort of "love at first sight" thing with one and only one character. And with vampires, after said character passes in some manner, they're usually in constant mourning for that one character.
Sonic: So...?
Amy: Long story short... unless it's done right or in an alternate universe, Carlisle shouldn't be randomly falling for Madame Sue over there!

Her red hair just cascades down to her waist in waves. Pale skin but has a very nice glow to it. Though we haven't seen her eyes yet, their just covered by sunglasses. She's tall and has nice…

Manic: ...breasts.
Sonia: Manic!
Manic: Oh, come on, sis! You know that's what he was thinking!
Sonia: I didn't know that vampires thought with that other head in that series.
Manic: And you scolded me for the breast remark while you used a penis joke? Cheeky, sis.
Sonia: *snickers* Sorry.

I mentally slapped myself. Carlisle! You realize she's just a strange to you and you're already daydreaming! Besides you're married!

Sonic: And yet a marriage would've been broken up for that bland Sue if this fic ever continued.

I turned to see Edward looking at me with a glare.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Bella yelled, snapping me out of my trance. Bella was going to try hit her again!

Sonia: And that's our problem how?

But she managed to catch both of her hands.

Amy: Wait, did we just go back in time? Bella's hands were already caught!
Sonic: Maybe Bella's a Shokan, too.

It was silent after that. Then the girl moved Bella's hands until they were at her sides, Let go of Bella's hands, and wrapped her arms around Bella's waist, bending down a bit.

I felt a pang of jealously. Why the hell was I jealous?! Don't worry Carlisle, it's just a mild attraction, it'll wear away…. I hope.

Manic: Nope! *points to the fic's summary*
Sonic: Don't you just love these fics where someone claims that they're not attracted to someone else?
Amy: And then they fall in love? Yeah, we've heard it all before.

Then Bella threw her arms around the girl's neck. Then I heard the girl whisper,

" I didn't tell you because I was afraid you would leave me like everyone did before. My own family, they abandoned me on the streets when they found out what I was.

Sonia: *plants her face on the table*
Sonic: Oh, hey, the table didn't break this time!
Manic: What's with these Sues having everyone leave them? Is this another thing for them to wangst about?
Amy: Just because... and yes. You should know this by now, Manic.

I didn't want to lose you and Renee. I'm sorry Bella."

They stayed like that for a while then they let go. The girl turned her head to us and then smirked.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Cullen's. I've heard so much about you." She said. "Well, I'm not gonna interrupt you all, so I'm gonna join the fight, either you like it or not.

Amy: So you are interrupting, you obtuse moron! You're over 500 years old! Do you even know what words mean?!
Manic: They don't. *mimics Amy* You should know this by now, Amy.
Amy: *fumes* You shut up, pineapple head!
Sonic: "Pineapple head"?! *bursts out laughing*
Manic: *chuckles* I mean... this is one of these good old Amy style outbursts, so... *shrugs* ...whatever, I guess.

So you can carry on, but I'm going to practice on you." She pointed her finger at Esme.

"Why me?" Esme said. Everyone else didn't understand either, because I saw the look on their faces change.

" BecauseI want to see if ALL know how to fight properly."

Sonia: Translation: Esme's in the way of the Sue's future hump buddy. Also, Esme's "not a real woman" because she isn't a fighter.
Amy: Granted, she's basically a cardboard box in the books, but still!

Then Jasper yelled, "Emmet!" The two of them stood in the middle of the field.

"Don't hold back." Jasper said. Emmet made a grin.

Sonic: Ah, so we suddenly have Harpo Marx and an NFL linebacker present. Good stuff.

"Not in my nature." His grin disappeared. And he made a charge.

Jasper just stood there with his arms open and took the tackle. Then Emmet threw Jasper up in the air, Jasper then landed on all fours and ran all the way towards Emmet, which he did the same. Emmet took a swing at Jasper, but he ducked and Jasper hit and pushed Emmet down by his chest. Emmet lost this one.

Sonia: *bored* Thrilling.

"Rule number one: Never lose focus."

Manic: *looks up* Huh? What? I wasn't paying attention.

"He trusts his strength more. But strength isn't everything, you need a strategy. Good job, just learn from what happened." The girl said to Emmet and Jasper.

Then it was the girl and Esme next. They stood the same place where Emmet and Jasper were.

"Do you want to take the glasses off, darling? They might fall off while we're fighting." Esme said, sweetly.

"No I'm good. These glasses don't come off unless I want to take it off." The girl said.

Amy: Seriously, what the heck did she use to keep them on? Did she use Krazy Glue?
Manic: Either that or she has magnets installed in her head.

Esme nodded and they took their stances. Then Esme took charge at Scarlett. All she did was just stand there, not moving.

Sonia: And here comes the part where the Sue's the best fighter since sliced bread.

Then when Esme was close to her and was going to hit her, Scarlett just disappeared. Esme looked around for where she was. Then she appeared behind Esme, stretching her left leg formard to put her foot of Esme's stomach and kicked her, causing her to fly back.

"I forgot," Bella said. The rest of us looked at her. "I forgot that she took boxing before. But she got harder to beat when she finished that. She could take down anything with just a kick. I've seen her fight, and she's not even trying on this one."

All: *facepalms*
Sonic: Well, you called it, sis.

I looked back at Scarlett and Esme. It did look like Scarlett was holding back, but why?

Amy: Because she's a Sue! Duh!

What is she hiding that she won't show?

Manic: Her best-est Sue powers.

Esme got back up and charged at Scarlett. Scarlett had her hands in her pockets the whole time and she hooked her right leg around Esme's neck and pushed her down. Magnificent! I have never seen a person do that! Let alone a woman!

Sonia, Amy: *glares at the screen*
Sonic: Well, this is the greatest romance of our time... that set women's rights back by like a hundred years.
Sonia: I'm not in the mood to rant. Those stupid sentences just spoke for themselves.

Though Esme swiftly got up and swung at Scarlett. She managed to dodge it and Scarlett grabbed her wrists and brought it up in the air, causing Esme to struggle.

Since Esme was 4 inches shorter than Scarlett, Scarlett lowered her head to Esem's and smirked when their eyes met. Then Scarlett leaned her head towards Esme.

They were kissing! It was so akward! But then again, I strangely didn't seem bothered by it.

Manic: Mike Huckabee would be bothered by it.
Sonia: Oh, forget that idiot, Manic.
Amy: Here's what annoys me about this. Not only is Madame Sue stronger and better than Esme, she just had to be taller than her to boot.
Sonic: Anything she can do, Sue can do better. Sue can do anything better than her.

It seemed as though Esme didn't mind because I saw her close her eyes.

"That is so hot! Weird, but hot!" Emmet said, causing Rose to hit him. I tried hard not to laugh at his child-like behavior.

Sonia: Well, Manic, you called it. Cookie for you.
Sonic: I hope he's not one of those guys who finds two women kissing hot, but then grosses out at the sight of two guys doing the same thing.
Manic: *sarcastically* Nonsense, bro! Women should only kiss other women to impress the guys!

They broke away and Scarlett smirked at Esme. If I were human, I would have turned ten shades of red. She was just attractive in some way.

Amy: Okay, fic, we got it! The Sue's hot! You don't need to shove that down our throats!
Sonia: You mean "hot". Nobody in this room is impressed by this Sue.

"Well, it's seems like I won. For now." Then it was quiet.

The wolves just stared at Scarlett, until two wolves let out a bark, which i think would be laughter. Bella just sighed.

Sonia: My thoughts exactly, Bella. *pauses* I can't believe that I'm actually agreeing with Bella Swan, of all people.

"Scar! Come on, stop with kissing almost every women you meet! It's disturbing!" Bella yelled. Edward and jasper looked at her, questionally.

Amy: So... she's Jessie's sister, but a gazillion times more annoying?
Sonia: At least her sister doesn't kiss every single woman that walks down a random street.
Manic: Hey, it's just like I said. She's only doing this because it'll make her "hot".
Sonic: Whatever. It's still not changing the fact that she's a dang Sue.

"She's kissed women before?! And more than one?!" Edward said. Bella sighed again and nodded.

"She's been doing that for as long as she's been staying with me and Renee. She's also had some girlfriends in the past few years." Now that shocked me.

Sonia: Actually, lesbian and bisexual relationships aren't a recent discovery. Do you need a history lesson, Doctor Cullen? Granted, you're supposed to be a medical doctor, but still.
Manic: "Doctor"? Did he get his degree out of a Cracker Jack box?
Amy: Well, if you consider his crummy medical treatments in the books... yes. And why is he suddenly spouting information about this Sue when he admitted that she was only a stranger?
Sonic: Because... a wizard did it.

SHE'S HAD GIRLFRIENDS!? As in a physical relationship girlfriend?! OH MY...Wa-wa-wa-wait! Since when have i been concerned with a woman I've just met?!

Sonic: Because the plot says that you should.
Amy: And thanks for regaining your seriously spotty memory.

Scarlett's laugh snapped me out of my train of thought. Though, her laugh is what put me in a temporary trance. Her laughter sounded like chimes, a beautiful sound.

All: *facepalms*
Sonic: I swear, I'd ring a bell for all of these Sue traits here!
Manic: Bro, that bell is gonna break.

" Sorry Bella! I can't help it when it comes to beautiful women!" Scarlett said, smiling.

Sonia: There's a magical word called "restraint". Do you know that word, cretin?
Amy: That word doesn't exist for Sues. Neither do the words "humbleness", "tact", or... anything that involves being a decent person, actually.

Then I saw her turn her head towards a white and gray wolf, which stood almost way in the back.

Esme blushed, which is weird since I don't think any of us can do that.

Manic: Dude, you're a vampire. No blood going through your veins... seriously, how'd you become a doctor if you're this dumb, man?
Sonic: It's the "Twilight" universe. With their intelligence levels, they make me look like I'm workin' for NASA.
Manic: Speakin' of NASA... wanna explain how you can breathe in space without any help, bro?
Sonic: *shrugs* I dunno, ask the wizard that messed with that guy's memory.

" Though I don't think it'll work between us, considering your marriage," Edward interrupted.

All: *points to the story's summary*
Amy: No, really. It literally says "Carlisle/OC" in the summary. Stop trying to give us apples while claiming that they're oranges.

" Hell yeah she's married! So leave her alone!" He yelled. I tried not to laugh as Edward was acting like a child.

Sonia: Well, he does act like a spoiled child in canon, so this is fitting.

" As I was going to say, it might not work between us, but it might when you meet my brother. As we've traveled years ago, he told me about the type of woman he'd want. His description suits you perfectly Esme!"

Manic: So... if this fic continued, Esme would probably hook up with the Sue's brother.
Amy: Which would then make the former husband and wife... brother and sister-in-law. Yay, and they can still be one big stupid family!

A brother, huh? I wonder who he might be? But I have a hunch that it might be him, considering her looks.

Sonic: Who the heck is this "him" guy?
Manic: *holds up a picture of Him from "The Powerpuff Girls" before tossing it aside* Oh, wait. Wrong guy.

" So Scarlett! Where are you staying while your in Forks?" Alice asked. Scarlett looked at her and smiled.

"I'm staying at La Push. But if you'd like, I could stay over at your house if you wish."

Alice beamed at Scarlett and ran over to her, linking her arm to Scarlett's.

" Yeah why don't you come over our house for awhile and then we all go hunting. While Edward and Bella stay at home. So how about that?"

Wow I've never seen Alice so enthusiastic about someone ever since Bella came to Forks. Maybe Alice's vision was about Scarlett and her brother, the ones that'll be me and Esme's soul mates.

Sonia: Well, looks like we didn't need this fic to continue! Thanks for spoiling every last future chapter ever!
Manic: Wait, her brother? *looks at the chapter's summary* Oh. Damn it. Why didn't we notice that her brother is Zelman Clock?
Amy: Allegedly.
Sonia: I have no idea. It should've been obvious by the surname, the shared powers, and the same birthday. You know what, maybe we're just tired today.

"Okay, Bella. You and Scarlett drive here together, and Scarlett. You don't need to bring anything if you don't need it." Alice instructed the two.

" Okay, but Bella you left out one detail about my bisexuality!" Scarlett said. We all looked at her.

Amy: *flails around* Oh, Jesus H. Christ! What does your bisexuality have to do with anything right now, you attention seeking nitwit?!
Sonic: Nobody. Cares. Go. Away. Criminy, Jessie doesn't say that she's bisexual every other sentence!

" Remember that time we last visited La Push?" Bella then looked flushed. Then the wolves seeemed interested in what Scalett was going to say. All but the silver female, and copper male wolves.

" Oh not that! Don't remind me!" Scarlett just grinned, while the rest of us looked lost.

" If you're all wondering, as we all know you are. The incident in La Push was that me, Leah and Bella were playing truth or dare. Bella dared me to kiss Leah and I did. But Leah wanted revenge, so she dared Bella to kiss me, and she did." Scarlett explained.

" WHAT!?" Edward and I yelled. Scarlett kissed Bella!? Her own adoptive sister!

Manic: Oh, and here's the part where it gets "hotter".
Amy: Replace "hotter", with "to be an eye-roller".
Sonia: I'm already rolling my eyes, so there's no difference here.

" But there's more, Leah actually enjoyed the kiss along with me, so the kiss was longer. Then I made Bella's kiss longer just to torture her and also, I kind of enjoyed it. Weird huh?"

Sonia: *begins browsing on her phone* Yeah, whatever. Is this fic over yet?
Sonic: I should be saying that. Yeah, it's almost over, sis.

Now I felt like taking Scarlett into my arms and kiss her with all I have.

Amy: And now that proves Manic's theory even further. Oh, she kissed all these women and it's making him hot! Because... reasons!

I wanted her to forget all about the women and men she's kissed and be the only one she kisses from now. I don't know why I feel that way, but I just do.

Manic: *sarcastically* Ah, being incredibly possessive is a beautiful thing. This is truly a romance for the ages!

" Scarlett, I think from now on, we're going to get along just fine! As long as you'll try to kiss my Rose in front of me, then we'll probably get along!" Emmet said.

Sonic: Hur-dur.
Manic: I think we need to put a few kegs of beer in front of Emmett, huh?

"EMMET!" Rosalie yelled slapping the back of Emmets head. We all, even the wolves, laughed at Emmet, Rosalie and Scarlett, who replied.

"Sure! Be ready to pucker up, Rosie! I might just kiss you tonight!" And Rose looked as if she were blushing. It was nice for once that Rosalie finally got along with some other than us, except Bella and the wolf pack. But strangely weird.

Amy: Because the Sue is so wonderful! Everyone who meets her must love her!
Sonic, Sonia: We don't.
Manic: Well, it looks like it's time for you two to be the evil ones in this fic. Because how dare you dislike someone who's so annoying!

"Well, that's it for today." Jasper said.

Sonic: Wait, what do you mean "that's it"? Nothing happened here!
Sonia: Aside from the Sue bragging about her bisexuality as if bisexual people are damn unicorns, of course. Because she's the only bisexual person... er, vampire in all of existence, you know!

We nodded and the wolves left, except the copper and raven wolves. The copper one was with Bella, I would assume just listening to her. Then Edward came towards them, causing the copper wolf to leave.

"It was nice trying to surprise you Bella. It was nice meeting you Cullens, as well. Well, not Edward." Scarlett said, smiling towards us.

Manic: Well, Ed's a sourpuss. Nothing excites him.

I really swear, if I were human I would've blushed right there. Just by a smile, Scarlett's smile.

Amy: *annoyed* Okay, we got it, you're hot for the Sue! Jeez!
Sonic: Man, I'm glad that this lame thing's almost over.

Edward scowled and Scarlett just smirked at him.

"I'll see you soon, Alice, Bella, Rosalie. Good bye for now~!" and Scarlett jumped onto the copper wolf and sat on him.

"Come on Jake! Let's go!". With that all the wolves and Scarlett headed back to La Push.

Sonia: And then their canon selves came in and blew up the OOC pack. The End.
Amy: You know, I wonder what would've happened if this fic continued.
Sonic: Aside from us wondering when it would end? I have no idea.
Manic: Actually, I'm kinda curious. We've read fics that were a heck of a lot worse than this.
Sonic, Sonia, Amy: *shuddering*
Manic: Yeah... I see what you mean. Forget about my curious self, then. Heh.

--

Go Back to Incredibly Resilient Riffers Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page