Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits Episode 1: Catwoman: Rebirth (Part Five)

--

Chapter 7:

Cat Claws

Isis entered The Cat Lair and began taking off her shoes.

Tails: Hope that she had some nice gel soles in said shoes.

Felix jumped down from the back of the couch to greet her, "Felix, I think I'm in love," she said in a dreamy tone hugging the jacket she was now wearing.

Miyuki: Yeah. Love. Uh-huh.

Felix rubbed up against her legs,

All: *stares blankly at the screen*
Tomoko: To take a page from Fujiwara... *clears her throat* I'm sure that you'd want something else rubbing against your legs.

"Oh don't worry Felix. You'll always be my first love," she picked up the cat and kissed him on the forehead.

She took her leg out of one side of her fishnets while hopping on the other leg into the bathroom. She changed into her pajamas to feel more comfortable. She saw the jacket now on the bathroom floor. She picked it up and put it back on. Better go tell Maven how my evening was.

Akiko: *as Isis* I met a guy who totally isn't Batman! Get it, because I'm Catwoman!

When she was dressed she headed downstairs. And, like always, Maven was quick to greet her, "So how was your night dear?"

Miyuki: Oh, the redundancy.

Isis sat down on Maven's couch and began blabbering, "It was great," her speech picked up, "I sang karaoke, I met a girl name Max and a boy named," Her speech slowed down to say his name, "Terry… And by the way my last name is Smith. And—"

Tails: His name is Terry Smith. Got it.
Tomoko: *lightly chuckles*

"Wow there. Slow down," Maven interrupted.

"Oh I'm sorry. Thank you for making me go Maven."

Miyuki: You can "go Maven"? What are commas?

Maven scanned her upper body, "Where'd you get the jacket?"

Isis looked down as if she forgot she was wearing it, "I got it from that boy Terry."

"Well, I can tell that your night was productive."

Akiko: *coughs* So you say.

Isis shook her head agreeing, "Yeah pretty much. I'm pretty tired now. I just thought I would tell you about my night. So I think I'll go back to The Cat Lair now," she stood up to leave Maven's apartment.

"Wait Isis. I forgot to tell you, I bought you some stuff for your apartment. I went ahead and put it all away in your room. Hope you don't mind."

Tomoko: Please don't tell me that we're getting more paragraphs full of crap that she's gonna put away.
Miyuki: Hey, it wouldn't be a bland fic without 'em.

"Oh of course not. Thank you!" she ran to Maven and hugged her tightly, "What would I do with out you?"

Maven patted her back, "You're welcome dear. But no need to thank me. It's my job to take care of you now."

Their hug broke, "Well I'll see you in the morning Maven."

"We'll have breakfast together."

Isis waved goodbye, "Sure," and she shut the door behind her.

Once again Isis found herself back at The Cat Lair. She was getting drossier by the minute. She took off Terry's jacket and threw it on her bed.

Akiko: "Drossier"?
Tails: I think she meant "drowsier".
Akiko: Oh. Then why didn't she just say "sleepier", then?
Tails: I don't know, actually.

She entered her bathroom to brush her teeth before she went to bed. When she opened drawer to retrieve her toothpaste Felix jumped up on the sink counter. He started scratching at the mirror, "Felix, stop that! You're going to ruin the mirror." Isis commanded. The cat stopped scratching and looked at Isis. He tilted his head and then went back to doing it, "Felix!" Isis gave him a little nudge so he jumped down from the sink.

Miyuki: Yep, here we go.
Tomoko: *as she closes her eyes and places her feet on the table* Wake me up when this crap's over, then.
Akiko: Hope those boots aren't dirty.

Isis began brushing her teeth. Now Felix had jumped on the toilet and started meowing. He was looking at the mirror and back at Isis and so on. Isis spit out her toothpaste. She was starting to wonder. She put toothbrush and toothpaste away and head for the door. But then she stopped, why is Felix so interested in that mirror?

Tails: Because you're Catwoman! *waves his hands around*

Isis began tugging on one side of the mirror. Nothing. Then she tugged on the other. The mirror revealed to also be a medicine cabinet.

Tails: Oh. So that's the real reason.
Miyuki: ...why is this even part of the fic? I know that I said that the bland paragraphs were coming, but why are they here?
Akiko: Because we needed to know every single detail?
Miyuki: Well, I don't want to know every single detail. I want this stupid thing to move on!

Inside was of course dusty. There were old cosmetics, medicine, lotion, hairspray, etc. But what really caught Isis' eye were ten little sharp metal object. Isis picked one of them up. The object was a metal ring with a sharp metal piece attached. They resembled a claw.

Akiko: Title drop alert!

The ring was big enough to fit around the tip of Isis' finger. She put one on. For some strange reason, having this on made Isis feel so right.

Tails: *waves his hands around* You know why I'm doing this!

Isis was so tired she was ready to fall over. She decided she would have to inspect these claw like things in the morning. So she picked up the rest and closed the medicine cabinet.

She walked to her bed and put the claws on the night stand. She got under the cover. Felix curled up next to her and she quickly fell asleep.

Akiko: *begins to eat some ice cream*
Tomoko: Jesus Christ, just get on with it, fic. I swear, I should've tapped out of this thing already.
Akiko: Well, something stupid is going to happen in the next chapter, Tomo-chan.
Tomoko: Define "stupid".
Akiko: A stupid fight. I can't say much without spoiling it.

Isis woke up to the light shake from Maven, "Wake up dear. Aren't we going to have breakfast together?"

Isis lazily responded, "Yeah…"

"Well it's getting late, so wake up deary."

Tails: Uh, what happened to the scene change indicators?
Miyuki: They're on hiatus.

To wake herself up, Isis sat up and rubbed her eyes.

Akiko: Okay, really, we don't need to know every single detail.
Miyuki: Man, this fic's boring. That "stupid fight" in the next chapter better be worth it.

Then she remembered the claws from last night, "Can you tell me something?"

"What is it?"

Isis leaned over to the night stand, "What are—?" she felt around on the stand but the metal objects were nowhere to be found, "That's strange. I fond these claw like thingies yesterday, but they're not here anymore."

All: *stunned*
Tails: You mean to tell me... that we spent all of those mundane paragraphs dedicated to all of that, and they're not there at all?
Tomoko: Padding, Prower. Lots and lots of padding.
Tails: *facepalms, sighs*
Tomoko: I don't blame you for acting like that.

Maven nervously twiddled with her fingers, "Perhaps you were just dreaming."

Tails: *groans*
Miyuki: What's that? You wanted some signs of a plot? Well, screw you, you hopeless ninny!

Isis scratched her head in bewilderment, "I could have sworn…" she changed the subject thinking that perhaps it was just a dream, "So do you think we could go through those boxes today."

Maven was fast to respond, "Oh no...I…have things to do today."

Akiko: *raises an eyebrow* Wait a second...
Tomoko: Huh?
Akiko: If she responded that fast, then maybe she hid the items and lied to her that it was just a dream!
Miyuki: I don't know what to believe any more.
Tails: I believe the padding.

"Well…okay," Isis was a little disappointed but quickly shook off the feeling, "Just let me do my daily routine and I'll be ready for breakfast."

"Alright," Maven left to go get breakfast ready.

Tomoko: Incoming useless details...

Isis went to the bathroom to tidy up. The first thing she did was check the mirror to make sure it was really a medicine cabinet and that she wasn't just dreaming it. The cabinet was still full and dusty. She looked where the claws lay the night before. In ten tiny sections there was no dust. It couldn't have been a dream…no dust…what the hell's going on? Isis was beyond confusion.

Akiko: I called it! Man, Maven is really bad at this stuff.

Chapter 8:

Cat Fight

All weekend, Terry couldn't concentrate on anything but Isis. Would he ever see her again?

Tomoko: *as she moves her feet off the table* What a stupid question.

Terry found himself on his way back to school. It was Monday once again and he just couldn't concentrate. He figured that today would once again be a shitty school day.

Akiko: I think those hormones are kicking in again.
Miyuki: That's what fanfics can do to you.
Akiko: Glad that's never happened to me... I think.

In Terry's thought he ran into a large man, "Hey, watch it punk!"

Still in a confused daze Terry answered, "…Sorry."

The man just shook his head and walked off, mumbling a little something on the way, "Damn kids."

Miyuki: Playing that stupid rock music, hating the world, bah!

He was there again—Hamilton High—with time to spare. No sign of Max today. Terry figured she was probably sick, so he went on ahead and entered the building. As Terry walked through the hallway he felt sort of, out of place. Mondays are a bitch, Terry thought to himself.

Tails: He's really sour if he doesn't have Lady Plot Device near him. I don't think that I've ever seen him so consistently angry like that. Tired, yes, but not angry.

He came to his locker to get his notebook. As he searched through the messy locker a familiar stranger came up to him. The stranger stroked their little fingers through his hair from behind him. In his mind Terry thought of all the people it could be. And since his mind was stuck on Isis, that was his last conclusion.

Tomoko: *scoffs* It ain't her, buddy.

He got excited and quickly turned around. What he found in front of him was a smiling Dana, "Hi Terry!"

Akiko: Wait, why is she smiling? She broke up with him, then glared at him, and now she's smiling? I'm so confused here.
Tails: You know the drill, Akiko; Dana's supposed to be "evil" and a "bad person".
Miyuki: She's the Yuki of this series. Fangirls just want to hate her.

"Hi…" Terry attempted to avoid eye contact with the girl who was now unfortunately in front of him, "What do you want?"

Miyuki: Yeah, the author totally doesn't hate Dana. Nope. Not at all.

"Well Terry…" Dana seemed as if she were trying to beat around the bush, "I thought that since we have to be lab partners…well what I'm trying to say is…" Dana came a little closer to Terry; maybe a little to close.

Tails: And now we have an out of character moment.
Tomoko: Not surprised, Prower. I thought those bashing fics usually had the hate object of the day act like that.
Akiko: It's like what Jess said to me during the fic lessons. Said something about sexy women being the evil people stringing everyone's hearts around in bad fanfics... I think.
Miyuki: Nah, more like the lady the author doesn't like is turned into that sort of character.
Akiko: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Terry tried to back up but unluckily the locker had blocked him. Dana continued, "Maybe we could friends again," her voice was as if she were coming on to him; "So what do you say?" she was now pressed up against his chest.

Tomoko: First off, no. Second off, hell no. Get your OOC ass outta here.

Terry pushed her off of him declining her move. Using the words Dana once used not so long ago "Dana, I've got to go now, but please understand that we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore," he said in a mocking tone.

Tails: Yeah, memory loss is consistent in hated characters.

Dana growled in embarrassment as Terry walked away from her, "It's that girl isn't. The one you were with at The Juice Bar," Terry stopped to listen but didn't turn around, "You've only knew her for one night. You and that girl could never have what me and you had." Terry went to class as if he never acknowledged what she had just said.

Miyuki: Hey, Dana Doofus. You broke up with him.
Akiko: We needed a new random plot now, huh?
Miyuki: Yeah, guess so.

The day had been going pretty slow and Terry had now come to a part of the day where it would get even slow. Science class. He feared what hell lay ahead of him.

Tails: He hates science? I wonder if that makes him a Republican.
Miyuki: Tails! *tries not to laugh* Come on!
Akiko: Is science that terrible? I liked it!
Tomoko: Yeah, that's because you were too busy mixing crap up and nearly blew the room to bits, Miyadama.
Miyuki: Yep. I was there.

A friend of his was at the door to greet him as he entered the science classroom, "Hey Terr, have you seen the new girl?"

As Terry walked to his seat he replied, "No I don't think I have."

Miyuki: Yes, you did. Because of course you did.

"Well dude she's hot!" He informed with excitement.

Tails: *sighs heavily* Why am I not surprised...
Akiko: My Sue Sense is off the charts now!

Another boy joined their conversation, "Yeah she is so fine. Man what I would do to her…"

All: *visibly disgusted*
Akiko: *flatly* Bad touch.

Terry laughed and shook his head, "Man, that's just wrong."

Tomoko: *grimly* Yes. Very wrong.

At the moment Dana sat down and things began to feel awkward for Terry. But Dana seemed to mind her own business as if nothing had happened before.

Akiko: Did she suffer from memory loss?
Tails: That's common in fanfics.

The teacher walked to the doorway and the noisy cliques began rushing for there seats. The teacher turned around and from Terry's view point he could see that see was talking to the guidance counselor.

Terry was starting to think about the beautiful girl

Miyuki: *laughs*
Akiko: Uh-oh. I think my Sue Sense broke.
Tails: That... is not going to end well for my already broken device if I analyze that. Which reminds me, I really need to start fixing it.

that had been running through his head all day. He rested his head down waiting for the class to start.

From what Terry could hear, the teacher had now entered the room. He heard a faint wolf imitating sound from behind him and a few other excited whistles across the class room,

Tails: Number one, it's a wolf whistle, not a "wolf imitating sound". Number two, this is disgusting.
Tomoko: It's only okay to be "hot" if you're a Mary Sue. Lesson of the day, you "whores".

"Excuse me students!" the noises stopped, "We have a new class member," Terry was now very curious. He looked up the see the new student.

Akiko: It's Isis, we know. Can I fast forward like Kyo-chan and his group did with that fic?
Miyuki: They only did that because that fic was full of useless paragraphs!
Akiko: ...can I still fast forward?
Miyuki: No.

First he saw black combat boots. As his eyes followed up he saw black and white striped knee-high socks; on up, a green skirt. But what really caught his eye is what he came to next; a familiar brown jacket. Terry gasped and the teacher continued, "Everyone this is Isis…" the teacher searched for her last name.

"Smith. Isis Smith," the name student answered for the teacher.

Tomoko: We missed ya, Person McPerson.
Akiko: *snickers*

"Ah yes Smith," The teacher went on with her plans, "Will anyone offer to have Isis as there partner in the labs today?" at once all the boys raised their hands excepted for Terry who was still in shock.

Miyuki: *slams her head on the table*
Akiko: *cringes* Jeez, Mi-chan!
Tails: *while repairing his Miles Electric, sarcastically speaks* Nah, I don't need that table, Miyuki. Thank you.
Miyuki: *groans as she lifts her head* I need to react to these things differently.
Tomoko: Number one, your ass isn't that special. Number two, not every guy is gonna throw themselves at you. What kind of crap is this?
Tails: It's stuff that's been in every Mary Sue fic, unfortunately.

"Well Isis, I guess you can take your pick," the teacher approved.

All: Terry.

Isis scanned the crowd in front of her until Terry and her met eyes. Both of them widened their smiles and Isis waved, "Terry!"

Tomoko: *rolls her eyes* Freakin' typical.

"So you know this Terry," the teacher asked.

Akiko: I love how the teacher sounds like a robot even though she's had Terry in her class plenty of times before!
Tails: Who is this "Terry" that you're speaking of?

"Yeah we've met before."

"Okay then. I'll put you down as Terry's partner," They teacher started going through some paper on her desk.

Tails: Okay, here's what I don't get. Are there assigned lab partners for each project, for the semester, or the school year? And if it's one of the latter two, then why break Terry and Dana up as lab partners?
Tomoko: Prower, you're using that logic. Thinking's not allowed here. And you already know why Terry and Dana are being broken up.
Tails: *sighs* I know, so the Sue can do... whatever.
Tomoko: Exactly.

The boy behind Terry leaned forward, "Dude, you are so freakin' lucky," Terry did feel lucky but at the same time he was worried. The mixture of him, Isis, and Dana probably wasn't doing to work out well.

Akiko: *points to the chapter's title* And here's where it all goes downhill.

Dana was beginning to look very angered, "Excuse me? Terry is already my partner."

Miyuki: In this class, yeah. In this fic? *laughs* Heck, no!

The teacher hesitated to think, "That's fine. You all will just be a group. No big deal," Dana let out a faint growl.

Tomoko: *sarcastically* What an organized class.

Isis pulled up a seat beside Terry. She hugged him, "I guess the jacket trick really works."

Tails: In contrived stories like these, yes. In real life? Yeah, no.

All Terry could really do was smile. But he worked up enough energy to say, "I thought I'd never see you again."

"Well then I guess you would have had to live life jacketless."

Isis began to take off the brown jacket to give it back to Terry but quickly stopped her, "No I want you to keep it. Maybe then we'll never be separated," Isis smiled and nodded pulling the jacket back onto her shoulders.

Akiko: Boring! Get to the dumb fight!

Isis looked at Dana who was staring her down evilly and smile, "Hi I'm Is—"

Tomoko: Isis Mary Sue Person McPerson, we know. And of course Dana's lookin' at her evilly.

Dana interrupted her rudely, "I know who you are," Isis narrowed one eyebrow and went back to her business.

Tails: Thank goodness that I managed to deactivate my machine, because that out of character moment would've broken it even further. That's really not Dana. She's never been a real jerk to some random person like that.

They started on there lab projects. The group was plagued with an uncomfortable silence. Nobody really talked unless they had to. Terry was wishing dearly that this day would end. Damn you Monday!

Tomoko: More like "damn these stereotypical Jerry Springer moments". The hell is it with scenes involving women fighting over men? It's so stupid!
Miyuki: You know, we aren't complete without them and all of that garbage.
Tomoko: *scoffs*

At last the bell rang. Thank God to that. Tensions between Isis and Dana were desperately rising. Terry thought that at least one of them was bound to pounce. But boy was he in store.

Akiko: Oh, look, another cat pun. Totally not Catwoman!

Terry and Isis walked down the hallway together for a few moments, "Well Terry I hate to do this but I have to go find the counselor again."

"Oh that's fine. Umm…" Terry thought for a moment, "Meet me outside after school. Okay?"

Isis nodded, "Okay," she turn around and went down the opposite side of the hallway. Terry watched her as she walk away.

Isis didn't get far until Dana pull the back of Isis hair.

Tails: *sighs* I think I really need to adjust this machine accordingly. Yet another moment that makes Dana the "evil" person.

Isis slowly turned around to find that who the culprit was, "What the hell was that for!"

"Listen Isis, I don't like you."

Tomoko: That makes two of us.
Miyuki: More like three of us.

"And that give you the right to pull my hair?" Isis protested.

Akiko: No, but you're a dimension warper, so it was bound to happen!

A crowd was starting to form a circle around them and Terry was trying his best to push through but he was too far away.

"You can't just make out with some guy you don't even know."

Miyuki: *as Dana* But it's okay when I'm doing it, because I'm an evil hypocrite in this fic! Hate me!

"What are you talking about?" When Isis finished speaking, Dana smacked her clear across the face.

Isis touched her sore cheek. You could see the enraging flames in her eyes as she looked up at Dana.

Tomoko: Well, she needs to put those eyes out, then. Flames aren't supposed to come outta there.

Dana was starting to look a little frightened as Isis gave her an evil glare, "Bitch!" all of Isis' hate was hurled at Dana as she tackle her to the ground.

Miyuki: *chanting* Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Tails: Is that show still on the air?
Miyuki: Last I checked, yeah.
Tails: Why am I not surprised at that?

Terry was still pushing through the crowd. The crowd was getting even more excited and Terry could barely see what was going on.

Isis was now sitting on top of Dana who couldn't do a thing.

Tails: Uh...
Akiko: I can see those creepy boys having thoughts about that now.

Isis picked Dana head up by the hair with one hand and scratched her across the face with the other.

Akiko: ...never mind. Ick. Also... yay, more cat mannerisms.
Miyuki: Congrats, Suethor, you made me hate your Sue and feel sorry for Dana. Hope you're happy.

After scratching her, Isis knocked her head to the tile. Dana pushed Isis off of her and the two of the roll cross the floor entangled.

Tomoko: I'm surprised that she doesn't have a concussion after all of that.

It was chaos, until finally Terry and another teacher reached the girls. Terry pulled Isis off Dana and the teacher caught a hold of Dana. Terry was feeling guilty, " Isis I'm really sorry. This is my fault."

Tails: Because it's never the Sue's fault!

Isis calmly responded, "Don't worry, someone was bound to kick her ass one of these days," as another teacher took her from Terry.

Miyuki: Up yours, you... *grumbles* Ugh, I hate you so much. I hope you choke on a billion... *grumbles*
Tomoko: Yeah, tell us how you really feel, Fujiwara. I should whip this twit into the next dimension. Show her what a real fight is instead of this softcore porn crap.

Isis yelled across the crowd, "Terry! My number is 555-1187."

Akiko: *as her hair moves to the side* You kidding me? You scratched Dana's face up, and you're all like, "Hey, here's my phone number!"? What the heck?!
Tails: I'm slowly beginning to dislike this fic now.
Miyuki: Shocked you so much that your own hair had to move, Akiko?
Akiko: Uh... yeah.
Miyuki: Not surprised.

555-1187, 555-1187, 555-1187, Terry was trying to remember the number until he could get it written down. Terry wrote it down on his hand. He figured that he wouldn't be seeing Isis at school for the next few days.

Tomoko: I'm sorry, but in Common Sense Land, we'd be a lot more concerned about Dana's face. But of course she "deserved it". Ugh.

Damn it! Damn Monday to Hell! Although the day sucked, he was still glad to see Isis. Maybe they become 'closer' friends.

Tails: My dislike went a bit further.
Tomoko: Get in line, Prower.
Miyuki: Yep.
Akiko: There's not enough ice cream for this, I'm telling you.

--

Continue to Part Six
Go Back to Part Four
Go Back to Incredibly Resilient Riffers Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page