Mystery Science Theater En Masse: Sellouts

Mystery Science Theater En Masse (MST 'EM): Sellouts
"In a screwed up distant future... on the edge of time and space..."

Two new groups make their debut. Introducing the Neo Esaka, possibly the Egg Spiral's "true" counterpart group:

Kyo Kusanagi: The legendary fighter of the King of Fighters tournament. As a riffer, he seems to be consistently bored with everything.
Benimaru Nikaido: Kyo's best friend. Like Manic, he seems to take the fics and articles with a grain of salt most of the time.
Emiko "Emi" Tsukino: Kyo's second pupil. Yes, she still has that crush on him. She's also more sure of herself this time around.
Keiko Tsukino: Emi's younger sister. She shows some animosity towards Kyo, but she doesn't actually hate him. The Kyo K./Keiko snarking seems to be a bit harsher than the Kyo L./Cassy snark pairing.

And the "true" counterparts to the Black Crow, the Crazy Train:

Mai James: A brown squirrel with a slightly pessimistic personality. She's Miyu's best friend.
Axl James: Mai's happier twin brother who has control over ice. He's Kyo's best friend, but unlike the fire fox, he seems to show a little less hostility towards things.
James Daniels: Jessie's friend and occasional partner in crime. He tends to believe that people who praise horrible fics and articles have rather low IQ's.
Rory Hancock: Cassy's longtime friend. He is a friendly but ditzy hedgehog who is an Extreme Gear rider and technician. But when it comes to fics, he doesn't seem to show a care in the world... unless it insults his intellegence.

If Mia can't torture the Black Crow, she can certainly make a quick buck off of them.

After locating the "renegade" members, she has secretly managed to install hidden cameras in their home, detailing every riffing that they have done since their escape, making her up to date on their fics. After the collections, she has compiled them all into a series, using "Brewdening Love" as a pilot for her show. Now, they (and the Egg Spiral) are on some uncensored cable station late at night between all of those odd porn channels... at least until she gets sued or something.

Keep in mind that none of the riffers know about the fact that they're on television... yet.

Obligatory Fiction Rating equivalents are underneath, for cautionary purposes once again:
G = K
PG = K+
PG-13 = T
R = M
NC-17 = MA

M19/B09 - Sabrina's Adventure (*Old Shame* Sonic fic by sonicgirl)
This fic is called "Sabrina's Adventure" for a reason. In fact, it might as well be called "Sonic and his friends act as moronic background characters". This fic takes the cake and tops it with another one for the riffers. In fact, Miyu breaks many pairs of glasses along the way... and at one point, everyone leaves. So come along with the Black Crow, and rage just like they will, as they encounter one of the worst Mary Sues to grace Mystery Science Theater En Masse (so far).
Fic's Rating: T
MST's Rating: T for a bit of harsh language
*This is yet another "Epic Failure" fic.*
*The fic has a tiny bit of harsh violence... and lots of hits to arms.*
*Keep in mind that the story was rewritten from the ground up at the Pit. And it's a hell of a lot more tolerable than what the Black Crow has.*
Parts: One Two Three Four Five Six

M20/A09 - A Rare Chance In Life (King of Fighters fic by Kaori2)
As an introduction to one of those overdone "sucked into the universe" fics, we're introduced to Kaori, a blatantly obvious self-insert. If Shyloh and Kathryn somehow had a human lovechild, this irritating Sue probably would've been the correct answer. Along the way, canon and characters are screwed six ways to Sunday. And in a rare chance for them, three of the four members of the Egg Spiral actually leave the riffing and get replacements. Yes, it's that bad for them.
Fic's Rating: ~~G for Godawful~~ K... should be T.
MST's Rating: T
*Yes, this is another "Epic Failure" fic.*
Parts: One Two Three

M21/B10 - the journey of cathy (Pokémon fic by catdragon0)
Yes, the title's actually written like that. Anyway, unlike "Sabrina's Adventure", this fic doesn't cause the Black Crow riffers to rage... instead, they're close to snoozing through the darned thing. Cathy is one emotionless being, as you will soon find out.
Fic's Rating: K+
MST's Rating: T
*Fic's been slightly modified because the first two chapters were in bold!*
Read it here!

M22/C01 - Always You (Sonic fic by FlamingDancerInTheNight/EvaRose95)
In what sounds more like an introduction to furry porn instead of an actual Sonic fic... we're introduced to a self-insert known as Jade Rose. With a weapon ripped from Rosy (from the Archie comic series) and a libido like no other... not to mention her age, which certainly makes everyone feel a bit sick... the Neo Esaka members wonder where the plot has gone. We'd like to guess that it hid under some couch cushions.
Fic's Rating: MA
MST's Rating: M for language.
*This fic contains harsh language, explicit sex scenes, rape, and some extreme violence. You've been warned.*
Parts: One Two

M23/A10 - Killing Time
15 Weird Things Guys Do That Turn Us Off by Brooke Sager (Original is [here])
The infamous Taylor Lautner Fan Letter to Universal written by Kayla Patterson (page that holds the letter is [here])
Sonic and his fellow riffers are making their decision to spend a little time riffing a couple of odd things. The first deals with another relationship list. The second is the infamous letter "flaming" of Universal Pictures for "ripping off" the Twilight "Saga". Prepare for the stupid to show in the letter.
Article's Rating: T
Letter's Rating: K
MST's Rating: T
*Hyperlinks on the first article have been taken out. To see 'em, head to the original page.*
*The pictures that accompany the second article aren't in the riffing. To see those pictures, head to the original page.*
Read it here!

M24/D01 - A better version of Da Princess in da gle club (Glee Parody fic by Crack is a Hell of a Drug)
This time, we're shifting focus to the logical viewpoints of the New Directions group, around the time where Kurt's father and Finn's mother were set to be wed. What are the Hummels hiding in their attic? It's a rather obvious answer that neither you nor Mai's group needs to answer.
Fic's Rating: M
MST's Rating: T/M
*This is an "Anti-Riffed" fic, meaning that the fic in question is not terrible.*
*Fic contains minor language.*
*If you want to fully understand this one, you're going to have to jump backwards to the Black Crow's very first riffed fic right here.*
Read it here!

M25/S03 - A Story of Destined Love (*Old Shame* King of Fighters fic by Sony Love) (Original's on the Crappy Fanfiction page.)
No, this isn't an early/late April Fool's joke. Yes, you are reading that correctly. I'm riffing my own crap.
Anyway, in this rather bland title (which is also a vessel to break up a canon couple), we're introduced to Emi Tsukino (in this fic, she's Emi Tsuki, before she got hit with the needed name change). Her mysterious flames are basically a plot point to get into a rather warped Kyo's pants. That's about it. Also, the plot that is supposed to kick off the whole set doesn't come into full swing until the sixth chapter... and even then, you'd ask yourself if that was even worth it. The Egg Spiral's ready to go, and the Neo Esaka members (mainly Kyo and especially Emi) are now set to face their past demons. Also, why are the riffers comparing the plot in this fic to the plot in "Twilight"?
Prepare for one of the oddest riffings yet. Oh, and please try to duck when Manic explodes. Don't worry, he'll be fine.
Fic's Rating: MA
MST's Rating: M for language and a lot of innuendo.
*The fic's been modified slightly to fit the MST's format. In other words, the redundant "end of chapter" parts have been snipped and the chapter titles lose their italics and are aligned to the left.*
*In what is exclusive to this riffing, there is a little author's note from me. And yes, the note's going to be riffed, too.*
*This fic contains harsh language, a sex scene, rape, and some extreme violence. You've been warned, people.*
Parts: One Two Three Four Five

M26/C02 - She Loves Her Oniisan Too Much (Sonic fic by InuSonishaUnlimited)
Keep the title in mind. In this fic, Sapphra is Sonic's little sister, and she has a rather unhealthy obsession with him. How bad is it? Let's say that it makes the canon Amy Rose's obsession look tame. This is only the Neo Esaka's second riffed fic, and it looks like they're going to lose it, thanks to the incestuous sibling's obsessive habits...
Fic's Rating: M (should be MA. It's the Pit, after all.)
MST's Rating: M for language.
*This fic contains an incest sex scene and implied character death.*
Read it here!

M27/D02 - Spaghetti (King of Fighters fic by action force reaction)
For some reason, a legendary KOF member asks a certain Ikari warrior out... possibly for the lulz, as Axl thinks. Also, the apparently frosty Mai reveals who she actually has a crush on in this riffing. Yes, it's very predictable.
Fic's Rating: T (feels more like K+ to me, just saying.)
MST's Rating: K+/T
*This is another "Anti-Riffed" fic.*
*Fic's been modified slightly to fit the MST's format.*
Read it here!

M28/B11 - Building A Man
25 things a perfect guy would do by ? (It's basically an e-mail chain letter list)
10 Things Husbands Should Never Do by Diane Oatis (Original is [here])
10 things I don't want to hear my husband say by Jill Smokler (Original is [here])
The Black Crow's dealing with even more articles that give off some more horrible vibes. There's your darn summary. And yes, Kyo's anger does boil over to the point where he might as well be MST 'EM's psychotic riffer. Being the only male riffer in his group is no easy feat, especially when these articles are being dealt with.
List's Rating: K+
Article 1's Rating: T
Article 2's Rating: T
MST's Rating: M for language.
*Hyperlinks are removed from the second article.*
*The title is inspired by a riff that Manic said during the "Killing Time" riffing: "So... you want him to be cultured in everything? Won't you get a better chance at a man by building one or something?"*
Read it here!

M29/A11 - Kii and the Mirror of Chaos (Sonic fic by Tasogare Angelus)
Remember when the Black Crow riffed "Sabrina's Adventure"? Remember how stupid the canon characters were when they were compared to the resident Mary Sue? Well, this fic is like that one, only shorter... and with a lot more blood, hatred of the color pink, and something that shoots Sonic's character down fifteen pegs. Thanks to this fic, the Egg Spiral members kind of wished that they'd be able to go back and riff a certain Jerk Sue fic again. Oh, and Manic gets his own set of wings a little bit too early.
Fic's Rating: T
MST's Rating: T
Read it here!

M30/S04 - Kusanagi's Wrath (*Really Old Shame* King of Fighters fic by Sony Love) (Original's on the Crappy Fanfiction page.)
When Miyu did her History and Mystery assessment, she called this fic a "really speedy train wreck". Actually, she's correct... because nothing truly happened in this thing. Well... that's if you don't count Kyo's rapid descent into madness near the end of the fic. Join the Black Crow and the Neo Esaka members as they riff on the illogical black sheep of this crappy "saga". Also, there's a flirting and drinking spree, someone ends up being a little amused by the main "villain", and someone else can't seem to stop messing around with a Rubik's Cube for a while.
Fic's Rating: MA
MST's Rating: M for language, innuendo, and all around general creepiness. Especially in the fifth part.
*Oddly enough, this is the sequel to "A Story of Destined Love" (the third special riffed by the Egg Spiral and Neo Esaka members).*
*Since Kyo LeMaire (Black Crow) and Kyo Kusanagi (Neo Esaka) will be riffing, they will be indicated/referred to as "Kyo L." and "Kyo K." respectively.*
*The fic's been modified slightly to fit the MST's format. In other words, the redundant "end of chapter" parts have been snipped and the chapter titles lose their italics and are aligned to the left.*
*Just like the "Story of Destined Love" riffing, there will be an exclusive riffed author's note from me.*
*This fic contains a sex scene, rape, extreme violence, and character death, and it's even worse than what the prequel has. Once again, you've been warned, people.*
Parts: One Two Three Four Five

As you know by now, you can view the Egg Spiral's, Black Crow's, Neo Esaka's, and the Crazy Train's Obscure References here.
Here's the Behind The Scenes for this season.
The Special Obscure References are here, if you're in the mood to check that out.

"I think that my IQ has just dropped into the negatives after reading that, guys." - Sonia, "Saranghamnida"
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