Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 4: Kusanagi's Wrath (Part Four)

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Warning: You have reached Part Four of this riffing, which contains strong language and some violent scenes. Proceed with caution.

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~Chapter Twelve: Alive but Dead Inside~

Kyo K.: Actually, I died all over while I was reading this fic.

'I'm tired of his twisted games... this time, he will die by my hands...' Kyo thought as he ran with his allies to the construction site, his flaming fists burning with hate and rage as he did so.

Benimaru: Courtesy of Haterade, Rageahol, and so on and so forth.

'Kusanagi, you sick fucking bastard... I will have no regrets in sending you to your death tonight...'

Meanwhile...

Jessie: ...I took a fourteenth shot. I think it was fourteen. I'm losing count.
Everyone else: It's fifteen.
Jessie: *mutters* Thank you.
Miyu: Wait, he was thinking! Why are you drinking to that?
Jessie: Because I'm behind in shots, Miyu.

"Oh god! Please don't leave me like this!" Emi cried, now in total fear. The young heiress didn't like heights, and especially since she had a strong chain link tightly wrapped around her body, hanging her from the 30th unfinished story, and ready to be dropped to her death at Kusanagi's will... was truly not an exception.

Kyo L.: So... drop her. Get it over with.

"Let me go, you carbon-copy bastard!"

Miyu: Oh, my! I guess they've finally found various ways to insult their opponents now!

"Is that any way to talk to your master, Miss Emi?"

Emi: *mocking Kusanagi* Miss Emi, Miss Emi, Miss Emi! *normal voice* Why is everyone calling my old self that? It's getting a little tedious.
Everyone else: "A little"?!

"Fuck you!"

Keiko: *mumbles* Well... fuck me.
Emi: Watch that mouth, little sister!

"My, someone has a foul mouth tonight... should I shut it up by releasing you to heaven...?" Kusanagi said as Emi said nothing in response.

Cassy: Yes! Do it, dude!

"Maybe I should shut you up by sending you back to Hell." Kyo said in a venomous tone.

"Master Kyo..."

Benimaru: Uh... how the hell did the snake get up there so fast?
Kyo K.: Eh, I dunno. Teleportation, I guess.

"Emi... why the hell does this fucker have you hanging there?"

"I'm conducting a little experiment... we'll see if your little 'rescue attempt' works this time around."

"You and your filthy plans..." is what the Kusanagi heir silently whispered as his clone simply smirked.

Jessie: *mumbles* Sixteen. Besides, the guy's got that typical "evil rapist guy" vibe. Of course he's going to try a mass murder now.

"You and your mouth... you talk a lot of shit but you don't have the fists to back yourself up."

Kyo said nothing in response, letting his flames die out and he simply sighed.

'He's right...'

Keiko: Of course he is. Now go jump to your doom so you can be replaced by somebody who's less... stupid. Though, it's kind of amusing that the only person who can trump Kusanagi baka's stupidity is another version of him.
Kyo K.: *throws the burned Rubik's Cube at Keiko's head*
Keiko: *easily catches the Rubik's Cube* Keep trying, Kusanagi baka.

"Do you see...? You have no hope in defeating me or saving the one that you dearly love. Face it, Kyo... you are worthless."

Kyo L.: Exactly, you faker!
Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: *groans*
Cassy: I want to murder you twice, dude.

"Master Kyo! Don't listen to him! You have to believe in yourself!"

"...Emi's right...

Miyu: D'oh... *stammers* when isn't she right?!

I know that I'm not god or anything like that...

Emi: ...and then he ignores the fact that he practically knocked one back into the dimension that it came from...

but I have proved to myself and to the world that I have strength... and now... I will prove it to you!" the Kusanagi heir said as his fists began to glow with flames that were even stronger than before, ignited with passion instead of rage.

Jessie: That's a pretty quick pep talk there.
Kyo K.: You didn't know, Flirt? The Sue's our own little Dr. Phil... mainly because she gives out crappy advice and is worthless all around.

"Ikuze... kono jiekshiume. (Let's go... you fucker.)"

Jessie: *hiccups* Seventeen.

"You never cease to amuse me." the clone said as his fists were ignited with flames as well.

Benimaru: *rereads the narrative* Hey, that stuff's not making any sense to me here...
Everyone else: *hands Benimaru seven shots of sake*
Benimaru: You people are out of your minds.

"Yeah, well enjoy the upcoming show that you're involved in, bitch." Kyo said and smirked as he launched a deadly wave of fire which his clone simply avoided and countered with a side kick which was easily blocked.

Miyu: *draws calculations in her notebook* Did you get all of that, Emi?
Emi: *does the same* I think so, Miss Prower. *adjusts her glasses* Somehow, I managed to come up with the number two for an answer. I don't know how that happened... I must be very off today.

"Why don't you give up now, Kyo? It will save you a lot of trouble... and your life."

Cassy: I'm this close to asking this dude to shut up.
Kyo L.: It ain't just you, Kitty.

"Look who's talking shit now." the Kusanagi heir said and struck his opponent with a flaming punch, pushing him back a few feet and leaving a small line of blood as a result on his fist.

Keiko: As if that's going to stop him and his Mister McVillain moustache.

"Heh... it's about time that you have actually made me draw some blood..."

"And next, I'll make you draw some of your teeth."

Kyo K.: *plays a drum riff*
Emi: Who--
Kyo K.: Broccoli taught me that, Emi.
Emi: Oh.

"Thanks for the smart-assed comment." Kusanagi said in a menacing tone as he responded with a flaming uppercut, sending Kyo in the air a few feet before he painfully landed on his back.

Miyu: *in a high-pitched voice* Toasty!

"Kuso... (Shit...)" the Kusanagi heir groaned as he struggled to get up, then he began to cough up blood as soon as his clone firmly planted his foot into his chest.

Jessie: *takes another shot of sake* Eighteen. Oh, and here's a ketchup packet, darling. Put it on your fries or something.

"Come on... I thought that you were stronger than that..." the clone said and smirked as he pressed his foot even deeper, causing a loud cry to emit from Kyo's mouth.

"So... are you ready to die?"

All: Who's talking? I don't know! *confused* Who's asking who here?!

"Yes... but you're going first!" Kyo said as his body began to glow with flames, then he retaliated with a sweeping kick, sending his opponent to the hard wooden floor.

Kyo L.: And then he fell thirty stories to his death. Fic's over!
Everyone else: Pipe dream!

And while the two began to trade hard and rapid blows, Miyuki somehow managed to slip to the high story and was now tinkering with the controls.

All: Yes. Somehow.
Cassy: Jeez, even the author doesn't care about what's going on anymore. What the heck?

'Okay... I shouldn't make one wrong move...'

Benimaru: And she does. Next problem, please.

And much to the sporty girl's dismay, the loud sound of the machinery had caught Kusanagi's attention.

Kyo K.: You expected a shadow to be deaf? Wow, I knew that everyone was dumb as rocks here, but this? Oh, boy.

"Heh... I get to exterminate another worthless piece of shit."

Jessie: Said the living roach motel.

the clone said as he launched a surprise side kick which had caused Kyo to lose his balance and had left him hanging for his life.

Keiko: Basically, he kind of said, "Look over there!" And the fool basically went, "Okay!"

Then he snuck behind the unsuspecting Miyuki and slipped an arm around her neck.

Emi: Did he break it after that?
Kyo L.: He should. Come on, somebody kill someone!
Jessie: Miyu, sweetie? Honestly, please tame that crazy thing over there.
Kyo L.: Says the drunkard.
Jessie: Bite my leather covered ass, Fox Boy.

"Okay, you bastard... what do you want from me?"

Miyu: *in an ominous tone* I want you... to die.
Benimaru: You're getting a little creepy, Miyu.

"I want you to never try that 'heroine' shit again, because what you just did will cost you dearly."

Cassy: Actually, that'll cost you $99.99.
Benimaru: This fic's set in Japan, Cassy.
Cassy: Oh. How 'bout 1 million yen?
Benimaru: Good enough... even though that's the wrong conversion to yen.

'Oh, no... he really is going to kill me...'

All: You think, Einstein?!

Emi thought as Kusanagi forcefully shoved Miyuki forward, causing her to press the release button unintentionally.

Emi: Is anyone going to miss the old me?
Jessie: Uh... nope.
Emi: Okay.

"Oh my god! Emi!" is what the sporty girl screamed as soon as she noticed that her best friend was plunging to her death...

Kyo K.: Yeah, let me know when that's a crap thing. *stretches* I'll be sleeping right here if you need me.

And Kyo forgot all about himself and began to focus on saving his loved one by letting go and diving right after her...

Miyu: And then he eliminated himself from the face of the Earth.
Keiko: God, I wish... him, not you, Kusanagi.
Kyo K.: *yawns* I got ya, Tsukino.

As soon as he had her in his arms, he lightly smiled and told her to brace herself for what was about to happen next...

Kyo L.: His obvious doom.
Everyone else: No deal, you!
Kyo L.: Hey, let me dream, guys!

Someone must have been looking down on them,

Benimaru: Like the Plot Convenience God... or Stephenie Meyer.

and thanks to their luck, a dumpster that was full of trash managed to break their fall.

Jessie: Ah, ha, ha, ha... no.

"Emi... are you okay?" is what the Kusanagi heir silently whispered.

Cassy: Actually... both of you should be dead. Come on!

"Y...yes..." came the Tsuki heiress' shaky response, then she lightly sighed as she noticed that Shingo and Benimaru, who was carrying an unconsious Miyuki, were running towards them.

Miyu: And... "unconscious" is misspelled.
Emi: Wait, who's carrying her?
Jessie: Hell if I know. Maybe they split her in two and decided to carry half of her body.

"Nikaido-san... what happened to her?"

Kyo K.: *sputters in anger* Freakin' idiots!
Keiko: Look, you saw what happened back there. Is your short term memory that horrendous?

"Kusanagi knocked her cold, then he threw her off. After that, he just disappeared somewhere."

Kyo L.: So... search for him...?
Benimaru: Did you forget? I've unfortunately acquired the stupid gene as well.

"Shit... that fucking bastard..." Kyo said through clenched teeth, then he cried out in pain.

Jessie: *in a singsong voice* Twenty... hey.
Kyo K.: *snatches one shot from Jessie* Nineteen for you, two for me. Seriously, Flirt... you need to rein it in a little.
Jessie: What? We've only got two chapters after this, sweetie. I think I can handle it.
Kyo K.: *looks at Kyo L., Miyu, and Cassy, who are shaking their heads at him* Huh. That's not what your fuzzy buddies think.
Jessie: *glaring at Kyo L., Miyu, and Cassy* Hey, stop agreeing with this twit!
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Well, unfortunately... we can't do that. I mean, you did pass out from your drinking before.
Kyo K.: *takes the sake bottle from Jessie* Yeah, that's what I thought. Thanks for the warning, Glasses.
Miyu: You're welcome, Mr. Kusanagi.

"Master Kyo! What's wrong?" Shingo and Emi cried as they immediately tended to him.

"My right arm's broken. Damn..." the Kusanagi heir mumbled as he struggled to get out of the dumpster with Emi's assistance.

Cassy: Let me get this straight; that's the worst that can happen to you after a thirty story fall? Are you kidding me?
Keiko: Hey, it is said that God watches over babies and fools, Morgan. And, unfortunately... God overrides Darwin most of the time. No offense to God, of course.

"Shingo... do me a favor and get the girls home."

"Okay." is what the young fanboy said as he was given the keys once again.

"Yeah, but what about you, Kyo?" Benimaru asked in a concerned tone.

Emi: *as Kyo* Eh, I'll just let Kusanagi slaughter me so this fic can end. Anything to get me out of this warped universe.

"You're coming with me."

"Fine. At least we don't have to worry about you getting slaughtered by Kusanagi..."

Emi: *dumbfounded* How did I unintentionally tell the future like that...?
Kyo L.: Congratulations, you're now one of us.

"And that shit won't happen, Beni." Kyo lightly said as he used his working arm to support his broken one, walking with his best friend to head out to the nearest hospital.

Benimaru: Which is what, a kajillion miles from here? Maybe we should just stick them in the desert, too.
Jessie: *playfully whines* Give me a shot, Kyo sweetie...
Kyo K.: *smirks, downs a shot of sake in front of Jessie* Nope. Three for me.

'Why do I feel so dead inside...? I feel like I have failed in protecting the one who I truly love... like I don't deserve to live anymore.'

Miyu: Oh, lookie there... it's another title drop.
Cassy: *throws a razorblade on the coffee table* Huh. I never thought I'd have to pull another one of these things out. Well, have a few on me, dude.

And while this was happening, a certain shadowed figure smirked to himself, his twisted flames were glowing brightly...

'Don't worry... I'll be sure to help you with that, Kyo...'

Jessie: I don't know if I'm supposed to feel scared or bored here.
Keiko: It's both, actually. Take my case, for example; I'm currently scared that I'll be bored to death.

~Chapter Thirteen: A Granted Wish?~

Kyo K.: My wish is coming true? This fic's ending?! Yes!
Everyone else: *shakes their heads*
Keiko: I wonder if you're smoking anything, Kusanagi.

'Don't worry about that little heiress for now...'

"Um, Kyo... we've been walking around in circles for quite a while now, and your arm really needs to be looked at."

Miyu: Said the magic voice.

"Then you fix it." the Kusanagi heir spat.

Benimaru: *as himself* Okay, then. *rips Kyo's broken arm off and proceeds to beat him with it* Yeah, it's fixed now! You like that?! Huh?!
Everyone else: *slowly moves away from Benimaru*
Cassy: *mumbling* Frickin' reverse Quan Chi, dude...

"Fine. Just give me your jacket." Benimaru said as Kyo shrugged and slid it off, being cautious of his right arm, allowing his best friend to use it as a replacement for an arm sling.

Jessie: Survivor: KOF Edition. And yes, I'd like to be stranded with two handsome men on an island...
Benimaru: *smiles* My, you're quite the flirty lady, aren't you?
Kyo K.: *bluntly* Emi, take my place.
Emi: *stammers* Master Kyo!
Jessie: Mmm, not bad. *winks at Emi* I don't discriminate by gender, you know.
Emi: *furiously blushes* Miss Baxter!
Keiko: *points her katana at Jessie* Look here, you; if you ever touch my sister without her consent, I will cut you.
Jessie: *scoffs* Yeah, like that little thing's going to stop me... *hides behind Kyo L.* Try me now.
Kyo L.: *sighs* Jess... quit hiding behind me and connect your horny butt with your seat cushion.

"There. You happy now?"

"Yeah. Thanks... "Ni-gay-do"."

"Fuck you, "Kusana-gay". I've seen the way that you were looking at Iori in that last tournament. I'm telling Tsuki-kawaiinochan (Tsuki cutie) about that!"

Everyone except Kyo L.: Huh? What?
Kyo L.: That was as funny as diarrhea.

"Hey, I don't go to that side of the street!"

"I'm sure that you've crossed that street to visit some of those houses a couple of times." is what the electrical narcissist said as he smirked.

"Fuck you!" Kyo snarled, then smirked as he kicked his friend in the behind, sending him down to the pavement.

Jessie: Can I drink now?
Kyo K.: No way, Flirt. Four for me... and considering what I've just read, I might as well down the rest of the damn bottle.

"You know what? You're damn lucky that you have that broken limb of yours right now, Kyo." Benimaru grumbled as he got up, noticing that the Kusanagi heir's face simply turned from a smirk to a serious look.

Cassy: That's kind of hilarious. I mean, the dude's actually being serious for once.
Kyo K.: Bite me, Goth Girl.

"Beni... we can diss the crap outta each other another time. I think I'm sensing Kusanagi's aura..."

Miyu: Hey, I'm the psychic here! Stop stealing my abilities!
Keiko: And where did he get the '90s slang?
Miyu: Probably from MC whoever.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I can't deny it. Now keep your guard up."

"Got ya. Don't worry about a thing."

Emi: Unfortunately, I'm already worried that someone's going to choke on their lack of brain cells.
Kyo L.: Getting harsh, madam. You're starting to remind me of Miyu somewhat.
Miyu, Emi: *adjusts their own pair glasses*
Kyo L.: Thanks for confirming that, you two.

"Maybe you should worry now. Worry about coming out of here alive!"

Cassy: *plays the "Oregon Trail" scare chord*
Jessie: *yelps* Damn it, don't you ever play that again! Freaking grade school nightmares...
Kyo K.: Yeah... anyway, who's talking?
Benimaru: The shadow who's running the creepy house of mirrors. Seriously, there's no other answer to that.

"You! You fucker! I don't care if I have a broken limb, I can still kick your ass to the next millenium!"

Kyo K.: *snickers, takes a shot of sake* Five for me, then. Seriously, this is like that crappy amateur comedy night, Beni.
Benimaru: *sighs while shaking his head* Yeah, that reminds me, Kyo; did you really have to boo that one person to the point where he should never do comedy again?
Kyo K.: Yes. I should've brought Fox Clone with me; he'd probably crush their dreams forever.

"Try that and you will pay... with your life!"

Miyu: And, um... how much would said life cost?
Jessie: It's free.

Now it was Benimaru's turn to speak up...

Benimaru: Because--
Everyone else: You're wonderful! We got it! Shut up!
Benimaru: You all are so sore.
Emi: I'm sorry to be a bit more harsh on this, but... if Mr. Sonic and his friends didn't like hearing that, what makes you think that Monsieur LeMaire and his friends will?
Benimaru: Oh, believe me, Emi... they will... eventually.
Emi: *sighs* It's hopeless...
Kyo K.: That's why I stopped trying, Emi.

"How can you call yourself a fighter when you hide in the shadows like a little bitch?" the narcissist said and smirked as he raised a finger, electricity was circling and crackling around it. Then he simply called "Come on out!", but nothing happened.

Cassy: Calling a statement? You can call a statement? Crap, the writing's getting poorer and poorer.
Emi: So... Nikaido-san's turned into Master Kyo?
Keiko: Nope. See, that's because everyone's the same type of person... the sinfully stupid type.

"Beni..."

"He's just a little coward, hasn't even shown his face or did anything."

All: Yet.

"Hey! Watch out, man!" Kyo cried out as soon as he noticed that his clone was going to launch a surprise attack on his best friend. The Kusanagi heir quickly reacted by shoving Benimaru aside and struggled against blocking Kusanagi's intense flames before negating the attack with...

Kyo L.: ...his pee.
Emi: *spits her water out* Monsieur LeMaire! *quickly wipes her mouth* Oh! Pardon me, pardon me...
Miyu: Kyo! That's disgusting!
Kyo L.: *shrugs* Eh, I've said worse.

"Kurai... YAGARE!!"

His trademark technique... the Orochi Nagi.

Keiko: What? We don't have a gigantic paragraph this time?
Kyo K.: Praise the damn Lord, Tsukino.
Kyo L., Cassy: *stares at their church choir uniforms* Yeah... forget it.

After the flames died down, Kyo panted, looked at his cocky friend, and gave him a look that could easily burn a hole right through his head.

Jessie: Unfortunately, that actually happened. Someone seriously needs to get those laser eyes checked.

"Beni! Body ga garaaki da ze! Body ga orusu da ze!! (You've left yourself open! You're not paying attention!!) What the fucking flying hell is wrong with you?!"

All except Jessie and Cassy: How wrong of a translation was that?
Kyo K.: Anyway, si--
Jessie: *snatches the shot of sake from Kyo K.* Twenty. I had to make it even.
Kyo K.: You're something else, Flirt.

Then there was another moment of silence before the young heir finally spoke in a small whisper...

Cassy: *as Kyo* Why the hell am I not dead yet?

"Forget it. We have to get out of this place. Just run!"

It didn't take a genius to know that his electric friend agreed, the two of them scampering through the massive site, weaving through different obstacles, but then stopped when they laid their eyes on a certain someone, the twisted crimson flames were glowing brightly.

Keiko: Crap, what's with all of the run-on sentences? If I said all of that, I'd be blue in the face.

"So, you're going to leave without having a little fun?"

Cassy: I'll stay! Let's play, evil cutie!
Everyone else: *looks at Cassy*
Cassy: *slinks into her seat while laughing nervously*

"In two words... Hell, yeah!" Kyo cried out and launched a flaming wave to distract Kusanagi while he and Benimaru continued on their escape route.

Emi: Master Kyo? I think you turned into Mr. Sonic again.
Kyo K.: *listens to Sonic ranting on his cell phone* Yeah, I know, Emi... *talking on his cell phone* Yeah, I know, Gumball. Bug me later, I'm in a riffing. Yeah, see ya. *hangs up* Tch... those spiny little things are going to run me into the ground someday.

"Kyo, you ignorant little fuck..." the clone growled as he broke through the flaming obstacle and countered with a Yami Barai, catching the two off guard. The Kusanagi heir cried out and fell forward, landing on his broken arm and giving out a painful, agonizing scream while Benimaru simply panted and moaned in pain.

Miyu: *frantically adjusts her glasses* Oh, my, my, my! Why did I mistake Mr. Nikaido's reactions as... um...
Kyo L.: Uh-huh. You're a perv, Miyu.

"Fucker!" Kyo screamed as his clone gave a twisted smirk and spat in his face.

Jessie, Kyo K.: *stares at the sake bottle*
Jessie: *takes a shot* Twenty-one... we're almost out, sweetie.
Kyo K.: Tell you what, Flirt; you can drink the rest of it... and after that, you can smack me upside the head with the bottle. Repeatedly.

"Come on... you took your little slut girlfriend away from me... and you have your weak friend with you? Do you truly think that you will come out of this alive?"

Keiko: Wait, hold on here... you tried to murder her in the last chapter. So why are you angry about the fact that she's going away from you?
Emi: *clenches her fists in anger* How... how dare you! You technically raped me twice, and you still call me a slut?!
Cassy: Oh, boy. Um... is Emi scary when she's angry?
Benimaru: *points to Keiko* She's scarier. Mainly because she has a katana.

"Maybe I'll answer that question in his place!" is what the narcissist cried out and gave a harsh cry as he released a devastating electric punch on the twisted clone, sending him back a good distance apart.

Jessie: From what? Care to elaborate on that or something?
Kyo L.: "Twilight" was more readable.
Jessie: *annoyed* No, it wasn't!
Kyo L.: *whispers in Jessie's ear* Someone's salty over there. I think you need to calm down with those two girls that I've heard ab--
Jessie: *kicks Kyo L.'s leg* Shut up, you.

"Kyo! Get up!"

"I... can't..." is what the heir whispered as soon as he got up on his knees, struggling against the shooting pain that had consumed his body.

Miyu: Kyo is trying very hard to keep up with you, Trainer Benimaru...
Kyo K.: Did you just compare my pansified self to a Pokémon, Glasses?
Miyu: Yes, Mr. Kusanagi.
Kyo K.: Oh. *shrugs* Yeah, you go ahead with that stuff.

Benimaru lightly frowned as he picked his friend up and flung him over his shoulder, being cautious of his broken arm.

Benimaru: Wow, even my fic self's getting annoyed with the stupidity in this thing.
Keiko: You're not the only person, Nikaido... yeah, both of you. Whatever.

"This stuff feels so damn awkward... but anyway... just do your best to hold on to me, alright?"

Cassy: Pfft, this whole fic's awkward. And by the way, what was the plot again?
Emi: I don't know, Miss Morgan. Master Kyo once said to my sister that you'd have a better chance of finding anything if you simply jumped up his behind.
Cassy: Ooh. Yeah, don't follow that advice, dude.

"Yeah, I got ya." Kyo whispered and shut his eyes.

'I know I can put up a better fight than that... what's wrong with me...?'

Jessie: Try saying this a hundred times... "This fic warped my poor soul!"
Kyo L.: Yeah, it warped him to the point that he's being lugged around like a damn two year old.

"What's wrong with you...? You're a worthless piece of shit, that's what's wrong with you, Kyo..." Kusanagi said from a distance, and afterwards, he let out a twisted laugh that seemed to echo endlessly through the young heir's head.

Kyo K.: Look, if I wanted to be insulted like that, I'd go to an American grade school playground. And from what I've seen so far, you guys kind of suck at slinging insults around.
Miyu, Jessie, Cassy, Benimaru: *stares at Kyo K.*
Kyo K.: Well, you kind of do... in general. Quit looking at me like that.

'We'll battle another time, you sick fuck...'

Jessie: Yeah, maybe they'll battle in a better rewrite. Oh, and Kyo... we're out of sake, sweetie.
Kyo K.: Okay, Flirt; start smacking me.
Jessie: I'd like to, but I don't want to hit your head... and I don't want to do it with the bottle.
Kyo K.: *sighs* You're hopeless, Flirt.

--

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