Sissy Analyzes Random Things: Sissy Rambles About AEW Matches in 2022 (Part 9: December)
--
Finally. What'd you miss?
January and Feburary? Right here.
March? Go here.
April? It's over here.
May? Enjoy it here.
June? It's here.
July and August? Here.
September? Read it here.
October and November? Right here.
----
December
--
Match of the Month
Men: Well... I'm going to make this a tie.
December 9 (Rampage) - Jon Moxley vs. Konosuke Takeshita (Part II)
Konosuke Takeshita kicked out of a Death Rider (by the way, what happened to "Paradigm Shift"?) at the count of one.
Holy shit.
Of course, that's not the only part of this match, but it's probably the most notable.
Watching clips will not do this any justice, so... you know I'm going to tell you to watch the whole damn thing.
-
December 28 (Dynamite - New Year's Smash) - Death Triangle vs. The Elite (AEW World Trios Match; Match 6: Falls Count Anywhere)
Oh, my lord. This was insane.
And yes, we are heading to a Match 7. Though I said in my thoughts about Match 5 that Death Triangle would retain... but after finding out that Match 7 will be in Los Angeles (The Bucks aren't billed from there, but they are billed as being from Rancho Cucamonga...), these belts might end up going back into the hands of The Elite.
-
Women: December 26 (Dark Elevation) - Athena vs. Kiera Hogan (ROH Women's World Championship Match)
Oh, my goodness. All the ladies decided to just hit hard this year. Granted, it's wrestling, so it's going to happen.
--
Honorable Mentions - Men
December 6 (Dark) - Anthony Henry vs. Trent Beretta
Once again, Underrated vs. Underrated.
-
December 7 (Dynamite) - Samoa Joe vs. Darby Allin (TNT Championship Match)
I feel like we got a David vs. Goliath type match here.
-
December 7 (Dynamite) - The Acclaimed vs. FTR (AEW World Tag Team Championship Match)
We have now ended up in the "Lose-Lose" scenario because both teams are extremely popular. Unfortunately, this was bound to happen.
Good match? Yes.
Only terrible thing was how poorly the rankings have been utilized, and this isn't just for the tag team division, this is for every division. They haven't been updated since the end of August.
Which probably explains why MJF has the belt despite his... mid record.
-
December 9 (Rampage) - Orange Cassidy vs. Trent Seven (AEW All-Atlantic Championship Match)
Story wise, Freshly Squeezed is sorta in limbo.
Title defense wise, however... again, more credit needs to be given. His matches have been pretty damn good.
-
December 10 (Special Dark Elevation) - Juice Robinson vs. Hagane Shinno
I honestly do not know if Shinno will grow on the audience like Takeshita did, but I do believe that they're starting to enjoy him. Personally, I kinda like him. I just need to get some time to look up his stuff.
-
December 14 (Dynamite - Winter is Coming) - Jungle Boy vs. Brian Cage
Or shall we say... Jack the Giant Killer?
-
December 14 (Dynamite - Winter is Coming) - Chris Jericho vs. Action Andretti
It was titled "Chris Jericho in Action", so we all thought that he'd squash a jobber and then leave, right?
Then the match lasted longer than two minutes.
Then it went to picture in picture.
And then the so-called jobber won.
And now that so-called jobber is All Elite.
Well, then! Honestly, I should've noticed the hint when Andretti got to cut a promo after his loss to QT Marshall back in October.
(And at least we know who is able to keep their foot intact when jumping into the crowd.)
-
December 14 (Dynamite - Winter is Coming) - MJF vs. Ricky Starks (AEW World Championship Match; Winner Takes All)
There's one thing that I didn't like about this match, and that's the fact that it was also for the Dynamite Diamond Ring. I was actually thinking that since Max was champ, we'd see someone new get the ring, and...
Nope. Fourth year in a row.
Honestly, I hate to say it... I'd like a little change of pace. What if someone else got the ring? What if the ring was won by any of the previous three people that Max screwed over in some way or form?
(Yes, I'm well aware that Dante was screwed over by Team Taz and not Max, but those thoughts still apply to Hangman and Cassidy.)
-
December 16 (Rampage) - Jon Moxley vs. Sammy Guevara (Part II...? I think?)
Or as I once called this segment: Jon Moxley's Ear vs. Sammy Guevara and "Hangman" Adam Page.
Jesus Christ. Yeah, good match, but... according to Renee Paquette (a backstage interviewer and Mox's wife), the dude almost lost his entire ear here.
-
December 19 (Dark Elevation) - Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta vs. The Workhorsemen
Time to do my obligatory "Workhorsemen are underrated" thing here. Time to also do my obligatory "Put them in the new ROH" thing here, too.
-
December 20 (Dark) - Kenny Omega vs. Hagane Shinno
Oh, dear, oh, dear!
Well, if anyone was gonna elevate the man, of course it would be Kenny Goddamn Omega!
-
December 21 (Dynamite - Holiday Bash) - Death Triangle vs. The Elite (AEW World Trios Match; Match 5: No disqualifications. All weapons legal.)
Yeah, we're heading to a Match 7. I can feel it.
However... I'm guessing that since that Match is "Escalera de la Muerte"... I'm nearly convinced that Death Triangle will retain in the end.
Why? Because it's happened before (at least with four of the people involved in this set). Go here if you don't know or need a reminder.
-
December 26 (Dark Elevation) - Konosuke Takeshita vs. Frankie Kazarian
Oh, lordy, who put this Dynamite match here? Criminy, it was good stuff there.
-
December 26 (Dark Elevation) - Dralístico vs. Blake Christian
New ROH. Both of 'em. Post haste.
-
December 28 (Dynamite - New Year's Smash) - Bryan Danielson vs. Ethan Page
You know, it's very funny that Bryan started and ended the year battling a guy with the last name of Page.
-
December 30 (Rampage - New Year's Smash) - Orange Cassidy vs. Trent Beretta (AEW All-Atlantic Championship Match)
I didn't like the fact that I had to put "vs." there.
However, my gripe here is not about the match, but about the Best Friends in general...
Trent and Chuck haven't held gold yet. What's taking so damn long? They're obviously super over, and of course, they aren't dethroning The Acclaimed, and they're also super over.
Unfortunate lose-lose there.
Honorable Mentions - Women
December 9 (Rampage) - Hikaru Shida vs. The Bunny (Regina di Wave Championship Match)
I'm practically convinced that Bunny needs a push now. She's so damn underrated.
-
December 14 (Dynamite - Winter is Coming) - Ruby Soho vs. Tay Melo
We started with a piss poor beginning to a feud, we get a damn good match out of this.
-
December 21 (Dynamite - Holiday Bash) - Jamie Hayter vs, Hikaru Shida
Jesus Christ. "Hayter Hits Hard" indeed. Damn.
-
December 26 (Dark Elevation) - Willow Nightingale and Ruby Soho vs. Vertvixen and Madi Wrenkowski
Hmm. I'm not going to lie, I have my eyes on the latter tag team there.
And the fact that this match had some people give a standing ovation by the end of it is a big sign.
I certainly hope that AEW can sign more ladies in 2023. That division is starting to grow, and it's starting to get better.
--
"Because I liked it, okay?" Mentions
December 2 (Rampage) - Orange Cassidy vs. QT Marshall (AEW All-Atlantic Championship Match; Lumberjack Match)
Do I need to talk about how we should really quit shitting on QT now?
Even I've stopped. Even I'm enjoying the Sopranos-like gimmick here.
-
December 5 (Dark Elevation) - Hagane Shinno vs. Nick Comoroto
More proof that The Factory's slowly starting to feel a bit underrated to me. I don't mind them being main fixtures on Dark, but they get a bit less threatening as time goes on.
-
December 5 (Dark Elevation) - Congratulations, Serpentico! You made it!
He's the first member of the AEW roster to have...
100 losses.
Congratulations!
-
December 5 (Dark Elevation) - "We want Dan!"
I will admit that I lost it laughing when the crowd sold a simple prank from Dan Adams. Nothing more needs to be said. I love dumb things like this sometimes.
-
December 7 (Dynamite), December 9 (Rampage), December 10 (Special Dark Elevation) and December 12 (Dark Elevation) - That Santa in the audience.
With special cameos from Jesus!
-
December 7 (Dynamite) - Ricky Starks is not a goddamn pebble.
The second he called MJF "Maxi-Pad", it was over.
And you know when I have no words... I do a certain thing.
Just... here.
-
December 9 (Rampage) - Stokley's "Conspiracy" footage.
"Shoutouts to my homegirl Keisha for the footage"
Stokely's so damn hilarious.
-
December 10 (Special Dark Elevation) - Top Flight vs. The Factory (Aaron Solo and Nick Comoroto)
More like... I loved the ending.
-
December 16 (Rampage) - Orange Cassidy, Best Friends, and Dustin Rhodes vs. Butcher and the Blade, Kip Sabian, and Trent Seven (8 Man Tag)
With special shoutouts to those threads that Bunny and Penelope were wearing.
-
December 19 (Dark Elevation) - Athena vs. Vertvixen (ROH Women's Championship Match)
Yeah, it was a squash match. No, I don't care.
-
December 21 (Dynamite - Holiday Bash) - You know what, just let me hear Ricky Starks talk for a whole hour. I want that.
Please? It would be amazing.
Majority of the segment is here, by the way.
-
December 28 (Dynamite - New Year's Smash) - Rassle.
I swear, The Acclaimed make the most ridiculous shit ever.
And I love it because it's really enjoyable shit.
--
"We got a real problem here." Mentions
What technically started on November 30 and then carried over to the first full week of December and will probably go beyond that - All the fucking idiots who somehow didn't get why Hangman Page decked Jon Moxley on November 30.
The actual timeline started much earlier, but idiots started screaming, "Where's the story?!" and, "Why is Hangman mad at Moxley?! He was knocked out with a legal move! He shouldn't be mad!" around the first week of December.
While people with working brains understandably start on October 5 or 12 of this year, here's the full timeline:
-
(2021)
October 6 - Hangman returns after a two month hiatus. In the storyline, he was humiliated by The Elite, which caused him to disappear for a time. In real life, the hiatus was due to paternity leave. Who was the first and last person that the cowboy battled for the chip in the Casino Ladder Match once he entered? Find out here.
Yes, this event is actually referenced a few times here, which is why it's very important.
(2022)
September 23 - Hangman wins the Golden Ticket Battle Royale and becomes the number one contender for the AEW World Championship that was held by Mox. If you feel like watching the end result, it's here.
September 28 - Mox defends his title in an eliminator match against Juice Robinson. Hangman and Mox meet face to face. That's here.
September 30 - Mox talks about the Casino Ladder Match from the previous year. By the way, AEW was at the Liacouras Center in Philadelphia, and the Casino Ladder match from October 6, 2021 also took place there. Reality hits Hangman when he's told that the title match will be in Cincinatti, which is Mox's hometown. (In other words, the people there won't be behind the cowboy.) That's here.
October 5 - Hangman defeats Rush (which ends a minor feud as well). Mox confronts the cowboy... and calls him a "nice kid". That's here.
October 12 - Hangman is pissed that Mox referred to him as a "nice kid" (and cuts a very emotional promo in the process). Watch that here.
October 17 - Cowboy's still pissed that Mox called him a "nice kid". In his words, "I'm 31 years old. I have a son. I have a mortgage." The promo that highlights both competitors' thoughts and feelings is here.
October 18 - The day of the match. This is the very first time that Mox and Hangman had a singles match against each other. Hangman is knocked out by a lariat from Mox. The end result is here.
This puts the cowboy out of action for a month and a half since he suffered a legit concussion. By the way, this ensures that he also doesn't participate in Full Gear (which was on November 19).
November 30 - Hangman returns from injury leave, but it's unknown if he has been medically cleared. Mox mocks Hangman for getting concussed, which causes the cowboy to throw hands. By the way, it's no longer for the belt since Mox lost it to MJF at Full Gear. It's right here.
December 9 - Moxley defeats Konosuke Takeshita (by the way, that's a damn good match, go watch it), and Hangman appears shortly after that. He admits that he hasn't been cleared yet, and he decks Mox again. A bloodied Mox fights back, throws the cowboy into a ringpost, and leaves him disoriented. (I'm assuming that he was actually cleared if he got thrown into the ringpost like that, so this part's most likely being played for story purposes.) Anyway, that's here.
December 14 - Mox challenges Hangman "and his Dark Order buddies" (you know... we're down to three members now...) to come fight him. Hangman is interviewed by Alex Marvez and he talks about his point of view during the concussion. He recalls everything almost immediately... except for his son's name. He says that he forgot his own son's name for an entire hour. The interview from the cowboy is right here.
December 16 - Mox defeats Sammy Guevara (and almost loses a goddamn ear in the process). Naturally, the man challenges a certain someone to come out and fight, so we already know what's happening. Sorry, Uno. You can't slow down an angry cowboy. As usual, here.
December 21 - Mox mocks Hangman again. The cowboy, on the other hand... he's told by Alex Reynolds that Mox is taking part in a Trios Battle Royale, and he's told by him to not show up to that match and throw hands... which means that he'll probably show up on the 23rd and do just that. See that here.
December 23 - And he showed up and did just that. Hangman crashes the Battle Royale (and note how he arrived after the Dark Order members were eliminated...) and throws the whole thing into disarray. His appearance causes a massive distraction that ends up with Mox being eliminated by Top Flight. He's probably earned the ire of another member of the Blackpool Combat Club and put the Dark Order in Mox's crosshairs for that.
Something tells me that the cowboy's rage is definitely clouding his judgment.
It's going to get worse considering that the winning trio was supposed to get $300K... and that meant that Hangman's interference ensured that Mox wasn't seeing a single penny of that cash prize. (This is expanded a little bit on Episode 328 of "Being The Elite", where Reynolds does indeed scold the cowboy for his reckless actions.) See the brawl on December 23 here.
December 28 - It's rumored that a certain someone might be able to wrestle in two weeks... if he can behave himself. Hangman finally listens to Alex and does not attempt to show up and throw hands (well, after being held back, of course). If this match is set for January 11, it's going to be huge. See that here.
December 30 - You know the usual, Mox mocks the cowboy again. It's hinted once again that their rematch might take place on January 11. That's here.
(2023)
January 4 - Hangman admits that he is not cleared. However, he also admits why he's angry at Mox (after he's mocked yet again... and once Mox gets over two mics crapping out on him). It was not because he was knocked out. It was because he was mocked for being knocked out. See that here.
Finally, the cowboy literally spells it out for the stupid people.
January 6 - Hangman is medically cleared. The rematch is officially confirmed to take place on January 11.
January 10 - The preview for what's to come on the 11th is here. Take special note of "two in the chamber"...
January 11 - The day of the rematch. The cowboy wins... and literally throws Mox for a loop [after hitting him with a lariat and then the Buckshot Lariat, meaning that he indeed had "two in the chamber"]. This makes Hangman the very first person to pin Jon Moxley clean on a televised match.* However, he's not celebrating. He's actually concerned for Mox. See the end here.
*Note that I said "pin", not "defeat". The first person to actually defeat Mox fairly in a televised AEW match was Lance Archer in a Texas Death Match for the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship back in 2021.
-
To sum this up: Mox calls Hangman a kid. Mox then KO's Hangman in their match, giving him a concussion in the process. Mox mocks Hangman for getting concussed. Hangman wants to beat the shit out of Mox for mocking him. Of course the cowboy's pissed! He got put down, got knocked the fuck out, and got mocked for getting knocked the fuck out!
Jon Moxley is one of the best damn guys on the mic. Adam Page is a damn good storyteller. Of course there's a story here.
It's literally there in timelines and video packages. We were all literally told what just happened. The cowboy's absence should not have given y'all a sudden bout of amnesia.
Being ignorant should not be a point of pride, you goddamn fucking cretins.
--
"This shit ain't good at all." Mentions
Somewhere near the end of December or some shit - Dax Harwood stirred the shit. Good lord.
Yes, I'm saying this while wearing a goddamn FTR hoodie (which is one size too big for me, but very comfy). Seriously, we put that whole Gripebomb and Brawl Out shit behind us, then he went and opened his mouth.
For fuck's sake.
Dude was being called out for complaining about stupid shit, and here he is, stirring the pot and restarting stupid shit.
--
And now, the stupid awards that won't matter because I'm a nobody.
The MVP!
"The AEW World Championship means being better than the day I was before, even if it's just a little bit better, even if nobody notices but me."
No contest. Those were words from Jon Goddamn Moxley, the ace of AEW. The man might not have been one of the first signings to the company, but he's considered an original for debuting at the end of the very first PPV. He's done so much in three years, and this year was no exception.
While he served as champion in 2020, it was the pandemic era, meaning that he had to work twice as hard. Obviously, he's hailed for that.
However, I think people will respect him for what he did this year as well. The man even sacrificed his damn vacation to serve as the company's champion during a very rocky time.
I've never hated him, but he sure won me over this year.
Respect was certainly earned.
The Most Improved!
Honestly, no contest here, either. It's Jade Cargill.
Her matches have gotten better, and a little bit longer. Yes, we're a long way away from her having a 15 minute match. No, all of her matches this year weren't perfect. However, she's made very visible strides.
And all it took was putting on a belt. Seriously, compare her match from January 5 to her match on January 21.
I'm so damn happy that she's getting better. I certainly hope that she improves even further in the next year, too.
Match(es) of the Year - Men
June 26 (AEW x NJPW: Forbidden Door) - Will Ospreay vs. Orange Cassidy (IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship Match)
Look, as much as I enjoy the Best of 7 series between Death Triangle and The Elite... nothing topped this match. That and the fact that the Trios series isn't over just yet.
No contest for June, and it's no contest here. Orange Cassidy literally shut his haters up with this match.
If you don't wanna count Forbidden Door, how about this one?
--
May 29 (Double or Nothing) - Anarchy in the Arena
Or... one of the few gems in the turd that was this PPV. This was practically surreal when I saw this for the very first time.
Match of the Year - Women
November 19 (Full Gear) - Toni Storm vs. Jamie Hayter (Part II) (AEW
Interim
Women's World Championship Match)
Again, barring the interruptions, this felt like this elevated the women's division in match quality. Don't get me wrong, we have one of the best in Hikaru Shida, and she delivers 110% in her matches, too. But Shida's just one person. If there's more ladies who can give high quality matches like her...
Well, you get Toni vs. Jamie.
--
Personal Favorite Match of the Year - Men
January 5 (Dynamite) - "Hangman" Adam Page vs. Bryan Danielson (Part II)
To be blunt, I kept watching most of Hangman's title defenses (and the non-title match with Takeshita) this year, and yet... I still have a soft spot for this bloody brawl. Of all the title matches that he had, it was this one and his two Texas Death Matches (and his two matches with Adam Cole... yes, I'm aware that they eventually overlapped because one of them was a Texas Death Match) that I constantly watched.
There's something sentimental about this. Perhaps it was due to the fact that it was the very first Dynamite match of the year and on a new channel. Or perhaps this win for Hangman cemented his beginning momentum in his title run.
Regardless, it stuck with me for the whole year. Hell, it may stick with me beyond that, too.
Personal Favorite Match of the Year - Women
January 21 (Rampage) - Jade Cargill vs. Anna Jay (TBS Championship Match)
It's still stuck in my mind from time to time, too. Granted, their match at Double or Nothing wasn't really as memorable as this one, though.
--
The Best Thing Ever This Year
Oh, boy. There was a lot. We had the arrivals of Toni Storm, Swerve, and Danhausen, to name a few. Konosuke Takeshita and Willow Nightingale got signed... again, also to name a few. But I think that one of the best things ever this year would have to be...
It was a stellar introduction for those who didn't know what he could do, and a stellar reintroduction for those who did.
The Worst Thing Ever This Year
You'd think that it'd be Hangman suffering a pointless dethronement via rumored backstage politics and us getting saddled with the weakest reign with the top belt? Yes, that made me salty as hell. Yes, I still hate it to this very day. No, I may never watch that match again (honestly, I might not watch Double or Nothing 2022 from start to finish ever again, since that PPV was super weak... with the exception of a few good things like Anarchy in the Arena, Julia's turn to the House of Black, and Athena's debut). And yes, I'll hate it until the day that I will fuckin' croak.
But it was not the worst thing ever, because Hangman Page shockingly survived the attempted burial, and the company's weakest champion buried himself. And trust me, I will analyze this when I get the chance... well, mainly the face-to-face that happened before Double or Nothing, because everyone clearly analyzed the Gripebomb, and I don't need to add to that.
Punk's dumbass fans who think that he did nothing wrong can also qualify for the worst... or the most annoying ever. No, I'm not referring to the Punk fans who want him and the Elite to make up and create a crazy ass story here. No, I'm not saying this as a fan of the cowboy, either (since I'm well aware that the diehard Hangman/Elite fans and diehard Punk fans do not get along now). I'm saying this because the dumbass fans are all being literally fucking loud and idiotic about it, especially when Eddie, Max, and Mox said worse. Especially Eddie, who said that "nobody wants you here, they never wanted you here"? And especially Chris Jericho, who apparently called the man a "cancer" straight to his face? (Yes, I also called him that back in September as well, but I'm a nobody here.) And that's somehow not harsher than a dumb throwaway line that Hangman said, and nobody cared about it until a certain someone threw a fit over it?
Christ.
Maybe it was the endless Blackpool Combat Club vs. Jericho Appreciation Society feud where nothing mattered because the JAS won almost every time... and the main recipient who was in the initial feud was Eddie Kingston... who is not a member of the BCC.. and got screwed over multiple times this year?
Still bad. It was very bad... but it was not the worst thing ever, either. At least we got Anarchy in the Arena and Blood and Guts out of it. And at least the ending was satisfying. I might analyze this feud when I get the chance, too.
No, no, that "honor" goes to the shitass feud that wrecked the TNT title (which slowly elevated once it landed in Samoa Joe's hands, but props to Wardlow for doing his damndest to warm that frozen ass belt back up with some good matches), because unlike Hangman vs. Punk and BCC vs. JAS... there was nobody to root for. And not only did it devalue the belt, it also devalued Sammy and Scorpio to the point that they actually buried themselves or each other by sheer accident (just storyline wise only, turns out that they both got along pretty well backstage). Not only that, this feud got dragged out to Double or Nothing in one of the most skippable matches on the damn card. Who in their right mind was saying, "Sure, let me plunk down fifty bucks for this!"?"
We suffered through almost three miserable months of absolute garbage. And yes... I am definitely going to analyze this hot bullshit.
Says a lot when Sammy was cheered and hailed as a main eventer throughout 2021 only to be completely loathed by the time we hit March of 2022. As of this writing, I'm not even sure if Sammy's ever going to recover from it. Dude has the most severe Go Away Heat now.
----
We're done. Finally. I've documented too much this year, so I'm not doing
this again.
Back to Sissy Analyzes Random Things