Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 15: Sailor Moon and the Immortal Ring (Part One)

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Note 1: This is the fourth fic in the Riffer Gauntlet. It is the sequel to "Sailor Moon and the Golden Key". If you haven't started or missed a riffing...

"Sailor Moon and the New Scouts" is here. (Fic 1; Five part riffing)
"Sailor Moon Protecting the Future" is here. (Fic 2; Three part riffing)
"Sailor Moon and the Golden Key" is here. (Fic 3; Seven part riffing)

Note 2: You know the drill, the same mangled dub names also apply here. It doesn't really matter, since the Sues are going to push the original cast out of the spotlight for the remainder of the Riffer Gauntlet.

Warning: This part contains a character death. However, it's in a backstory, and it's not in explicit detail.

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(Where we left off in Sailor Moon and the Golden Key.)

The Sailors had gathered at Rays’ temple for a meeting. They were all pretty concerned because they only had three hours to save Caranovia so that she could save her mother.

Rory: If you've lost your memory or turned into me, here's the good ol' hand holding recap.
Cassy: Dude, you're not this dense.

“What are we going to do?” asked Serena.

Keiko: Ah, I see that you've suddenly recovered from being possessed.

“I’m not sure… wait a minute Queen Rosalina were you discovered as Imea yet?” asked Jennifer.

Amy: Wh-wh-huh? What does that have to do with anything right now?
Keiko: They're very inconsistent with their priorities, Amy. You've read my sister's notes, right?
Amy: Most of them, yes. I only had to skip the page that was full of angry scribbles.

“No I wasn’t. Thanks Jennifer I know how to save her now. You see Kathryn is on our side! I can get her to help us.” Said Queen Rosalina.

“Wait I don’t get it who’s Imea?” asked Ray.

All: *facepalms*
Rory: Dumber. Than. I. Am.

“I am Imea!

Amy: We know...

While you were all on Earth I went disguised as a servant to the Wicken Sisters layer.

Cassy: *bored* We know that, too... and it's spelled "lair".

So maybe if I go back and convince Kathryn to help us. We’ll be able to free Caranovia in no Time!” exclaimed Queen Rosalina.

Rory: Wasn't she already helping them? She just said that Kathryn was on their side like six sentences ago! Did she bang her head on a brick wall?
Keiko: Yes, she did.

(Meanwhile)

The Wicken Sisters arrived back at their layer along with Sailor Crescent. “Strap Nacreia down to the bed over there and lock Kathryn in the Jail cell down in the secret dungeon now!” commanded Sailor Crescent.

Rory: Did Axl read this?

Sailor Crescent then powered down to Princess Emma. The Wicken Sisters did what they were told. “Now listen up I have a plan and if any of you mess up… well let’s just say you’ll end up dead just like Orion!” exclaimed Princess Emma.

Amy: Yes, kill your allies. That's what needs to be done.
Cassy: Man, these folks are dumber than rocks.
Keiko: Insult to rocks, Morgan.

“Sure thing your highness.” said Aurora.

“Now the plan is to sacrifice Nacreia as Caranovia to bring back Prince Orion!” said Princess Emma.

Cassy: She's still Caranovia! What the hell are you talking about, dude?!

“Alright, give Nacreia Destiny’s power stick now!” commanded Princess Emma. Aurora then handed Nacreia Sailor Destiny’s power stick.

Rory: *reads Emi's notes, scratches his head* I thought that the stick was cursed. Shouldn't they like... blow up or something?
Amy: We were warned that these fics forgot their own plot points. If you apply logic, you're going to lose it.

“Now turn into Sailor Destiny now!” commanded Princess Emma “Well here goes! Destiny Galaxy Star Power!” shouted Nacreia. Nacreia then transformed into Sailor Destiny. She was now completely healed of the dark energy.

Keiko: And that just gave her an opening to fight back and escape. *sarcastically claps* Wonderful.

(Meanwhile)

Back at Ray’s Temple, Queen Rosalina starts to plan her trip back to the moon. “So while I’m away at the moon, I want Renee to return to the Golden City with Sailor Star and the rest of the original Scouts to stay on Earth just in case Sailor Crescent escapes!” commanded Queen Rosalina.

Amy: Yeah, remember Sailor Star?
Rory: Who?
Amy: Exactly.

“But Queen Rosalina what do you would you like Elena and I to do?” asked Jennifer.

“Oh I want you two to go to Nakomia and talk to Queen Zaracova,

Rory: Who?
Cassy: Crap. Another new character.
Amy: *flatly* Yay.

but beware! Stay away from the immortal gateway. That gateway is where the immortal realm is. And yes even though Taracova is behind that gate you must stay away from it!” cautioned Queen Rosalina.

Keiko: I thought she disappeared to parts unknown in the last fic. Now they know where she is?

“Why? If she’s behind the gate why can’t we save her?” asked Jennifer.

“Look, Taracova once told me that no mortal such as ourselves could enter the gate! Because if one of us does we will die instantly! There is no way a mortal can survive in the immortal realm. Believe me if one of us could I would of went and saved her myself!” said Queen Rosalina with tears in her eyes.

Cassy: Bullshit, dude.

As everyone started to follow orders Queen Rosalina started to remember the last time she saw Taracova.

It was the time when they all first met Sailor Time. At first Taracova didn’t recognize who she was but as soon as Time mentioned the Day of Destiny… … “Wait a second everyone!” shouted Queen Rosalina. Everyone then turned around and looked at Queen Rosalina in bewilderment.

“What is it your majesty?” asked Jennifer.

“Well I was just thinking about the last time I saw Taracova and I remembered that Elena had mentioned the Day of Destiny.” Said Queen Rosalina.

“What is the Day of Destiny?” asked Serena.

Rory: We... we got the notes... we already know...
Amy: I think we're getting the actual scene that Manic's group didn't get.
Keiko: I'm wondering how inconsistent that will be.

“Yes the Day of Destiny. Elena please take us back in Time to the Day of Destiny. I think I know someone who can withstand the power of the Immortal realm but not for long. I think only for a few minutes.” Said Queen Rosalina.

“Of course. When will we start?” asked Elena.

Cassy: Never!

“Right away!” answered Queen Rosalina.

Cassy: ...shit.

“For this to work I need everyone to Transform. As we go back in time you cannot use your powers to help them if you do you will put me in great danger.” Said Elena.

Keiko: You froze time and didn't die. Now you have limits?

Everyone then agreed and Transformed into the mighty Sailor Scouts.

Amy: The Mighty Morphin' Sailor Scouts!

“Almighty Time give me strength, hope, and courage grant me the power to travel back in time to the day of destruction, the Day of Destiny, where all our lives will change forever! Galaxican Time Freeze!” shouted Sailor Time. Everything around Sailor Time froze even the Sailors. As Time touched each Scout they began to come to life.

“Wow that was odd. Talk about not moving, I felt like a mime!” whined Sailor Moon.

Keiko: That... wasn't whining.
Cassy: I swear, every shitty fic in this series just has to shit on Sailor Moon. It's pissing me off, dudes.

“Shhh…” warned Sailor Time. “Galaxcican Time Travel!” shouted Sailor Time. Suddenly everything around them was spinning making the scouts dizzy. “Close your eyes and concentrate on what you are about to see and witness.” Said Sailor Time.

Rory: Can I concentrate on a barf bag? Criminy.

The spinning has come to a stop and the Sailor Scouts had noticed their surroundings. They were in a beautiful courtyard fill will exotic flowers and animals the many of the scouts have never seen before.

Amy: Are we talking about that three-eyed fish? I can go to Springfield to see that.

“Wow this place is amazing!” exclaimed Sailor Mars.

“Shhh… No talking. Just Listen.” Warned Sailor Time.

Rory: *folds his arms* You're boring, lady.
Keiko: I've realized that in every transportation scene, the original Scouts were not supposed to speak. They can't do anything in these fics.
Rory: Ugh. Reminds me of Benji.

The scouts began to hear voices; they saw the young Taracova and her mother talking to each other with elegance and respect.

Cassy: Huh?

“Mother what are we going to do while father is away. I so dearly miss him mother. I’m afraid that he won’t come back from the war in the outer orbit of Nakomia?” Asked young Taracova.

Amy: *holds Taracova* That's because he died. Now go set the table for dinner.
Keiko: ...huh.
Amy: I'm only cruel to Mary Sues.
Keiko: You could have waited until she grew up, Amy.
Amy: She never grew up.

“Well I am sure your father will come back to us safely. Why don’t we go and sit by the fountain and talk about how you did with your lesson’s of protection. After all you must be ready to serve her majesty the Immortal goddess Kida. You know that it is tradition for the first-born Royal Universian child to serve her majesty.” Said Taracova’s mother.

Cassy: First born? Sounds like the only born.

Suddenly the ground started to shake. “Mother! What’s happening!?” screamed young Taracova.

Rory: An earthquake? Oh, no, wait. Is this a repeat of the Silver Millenium being wrecked?
Amy: I wouldn't be surprised if it is.

“Queen Novia come with us quickly!” called three guards.

“Come on Taracova!” said Queen Novia.

“No! Let me protect you mother!” cried young Taracova.

Keiko: *as the Suethors* Did we mention that she was young yet? We did? Let's say it over and over again!

“I won’t let you, your not strong enough yet!” screamed Queen Novia.

“Let’s go hurry!” yelled the guards. Suddenly a blast of power was headed strait toward young Taracova from one of the evil demons.

“Look out Taracova!” screamed Queen Novia. Queen Novia pushed her daughter out of the way and took on the power. Thus it sent her flying into the fountain and killed her.

“No Mother!” screamed young Taracova as she started to run toward the fountain.

Cassy: I know that this was never a clean series, but these fics sure love to talk about death and killing a lot.
Rory: Hey, so do you! This stuff's perfect for you!
Amy: Nope. Cassy can actually write.
Cassy: Sorta. I don't have Sonia's writing skills.

“Protect the heir to the throne!” yelled the guards. The guards grabbed the princess and ran for safety. Although Nakomia was under attack a power source came from Galaxy and attacked the evil demons. Thus it was the first time Taracova witnessed the golden power of Galaxy. As the battle raged on Taracova cried and cried blaming herself, for if she hadn’t begged her mother she would still be alive.

Keiko: If that's the case, why is she a bitter person in the present? Wouldn't an experience like this show off a different side?
Amy: No.

When the battle ended and the three guards assured that they had won the battle, they let Taracova go. Taracova ran back to the fountain to see her mothers’ dead body but noticed that Queen Novia’s body was gone!

“Where are you mother! Don’t leave me! It’s all my fault!” screamed young Taracova. A young girl walked up wearing a blue dress wearing a gold/silver tone ring on her finger.

Amy: I think we found the plot device ring...

“Taracova it’s me your best friend Elena…” started the young Elena.

Amy: ...and the person who's going to need it.
Keiko: These Suethors know nothing about subtlety.
Rory: Why is she sounding like a robot? *moves his arms awkwardly* Hello, it's me, your best friend...
Keiko: Hm. *reads Emi's notes* Some best friend. Taracova threatened Elena because she sat in the "immortal chair" in the last fic.

“It’s all my fault, go away! I never want to see you again! That’s an order, I am Queen Taracova now and I rule what is left of Nakomia!” cried young Taracova.

Keiko: Really... some best friend.
Cassy: God, save us from the Queen.
Rory: Jeez, she was a jerk even in the past? Now I know why the other groups hated her so much.
Amy: Now you know why I'm cruel to Mary Sues, Keiko.
Keiko: Indeed.

“As you wish my Queen…” said Elena. Elena then walked away and never turned back.

Once again the Sailor Scouts’ surroundings began to spin.

Rory: And so did my head.

And in the matter of Seconds they were back in the Golden City. Many of the Scouts were confused and had many questions to ask, and only hoped that Queen Rosalina had the answers.

Amy: I have one! What was the point of this garbage?
Cassy: To look into Sueniverse's "tragic" past.
Amy: Sasha tried that twice, and it didn't work on me. My so-called "sister" Kathryn tried it a long time ago, and that didn't work. It's not going to work here.

“Where did the source of the negative power come from?” asked Sailor Mars.

Rory: It came from every Mary Sue and Gary Stu that walked the planet.

“The power source you speak of comes from the one and only, now queen of Nakomia, Zaracova, but we are still uncertain that she is in fact responsible for Queen Novia’s death.” Answered Queen Rosalina. The Scouts were surprised but even more confused.

Keiko: Wait, if the negative energy came from her, there's a high chance that she did it.
Amy: Unless she was possessed.

“Speaking of Queen Novia, what happened to her body when her daughter Taracova went back to find her?” asked Sailor Mercury.

“The almighty goddess Kida taken upon herself to raise up the body of the Queen and protect it from Zaracova. Zaracova wanted to kill her because she is in love with the king of Nakomia, King Devron.” Answered Queen Rosalina.

All: Who?
Cassy: We have way too many crummy characters.
Amy: So it is a ripoff of the Silver Millenium! Great!

“What did Taracova do then?” asked Sailor Jupiter

Rory: She became a tyrant.

“Well that I’m not quite sure of. You see that is something Taracova herself has not informed me of.” Replied Queen Rosalina.

“My Queen, Taracova had mentioned seeing a golden power for the first time. Where did this so called golden power come from?” Asked Sailor Venus.

Keiko: And it's not the Golden Crystal?

“Well, we galaxcian’s live two times longer then earthlings

Cassy: Pfft! Only twice as long? I don't know why these asses like to shit on humans so much. Edenians can live for tens of thousands of years, for example.
Amy: Not only that, Neo Queen Serenity can live for at least a millenium, so... I don't get it.

and my mother Queen Imea

Amy: Uh?! *reads Emi's notes* That was the name of Rosalina's disguise in the previous fic! Any villain worth their salt would've put two and two together! She could've put herself in grave danger with that disguise name!
Cassy: She's lucky that everyone in these fics are dumber than chalk.
Keiko: She's also lucky that her creators are terrible writers. I'm sorry, but it's true.

was called upon to help discard the evil energy, once she found out about Queen Novia’s unfortunate accident…”

“Wait a minute your mother, was Queen Imea? She lived over two centuries ago. How would you know about this?” Interrupted Sailor Mercury.

“As I said we galaxcian’s live two to three times longer than normal human beings.

Rory: Uh, you clearly said "two". I'm a ditz, but my memory isn't spotty. *narrows his eyes, sternly points at the screen* Don't you dare try to fool Rory Jay Hancock.
Amy: Are we being gaslighted here? Is that why Manic's group lost it?
Rory: Did they start questioning their sanity? I mean, I know that the Black Crow does that a lot, but...
Cassy: Hey!
Rory: Hey, it's true!
Amy: Let's see, then. *reads Emi's notes* "Plotlines are incoherent and jump around randomly. Motivations of characters change at the drop of a dime. Everyone has the memory span of a deceased slug. The reader is left to wonder if anything that they have read will be remembered by the characters or the writers. Not only that, the fic talks down to the reader and eventually causes them to question their own memory. There is a reason why Manic has declared this fic an Epic Failure." *stops reading* Yikes. We're not going to enjoy this.

I was a young princess when the war had started, and believe me the war has still not found its end.” Replied Queen Galaxy.

Amy: And you couldn't use Sueniverse to end it all with a flick of her wrist? What's with these fluctuating power levels?

“How’s that, it seems peaceful in Nakomia?” Asked Sailor Planet.

“Well it may seem peaceful, but it really isn’t. You have no idea what is really going on there. As long as Queen Zaracova is on the throne, it will be a never-ending war between worlds. You see Queen Zaracova doesn’t like me that much.” Said Queen Galaxy.

Keiko: Nobody in the reading audience likes you that much.

“Why can’t we just go and over throw her? It shouldn’t be so hard, with all of us against one.” Asked Sailor Mercury.

“Well you see, it’s not that simple. Since Zaracova doesn’t like me that much and I can’t just go to Nakomia for no good reason. It has to be a good reason in her point of view.” Answered Queen Rosalina.

Cassy: Did she forget her disguise power?
Amy: Everyone is dumb.

“If we are to save Caranovia and Taracova we must stop with the questions and come up with a plan.” Said Sailor Time with a little bit of concern in her voice.

“Well you see I have a meeting this evening with Lord Deon from Universe so I guess you are stuck with planning by yourselves. Well at least until my meeting is over.” Queen Rosalina said as she walked out of the room.

Rory: *sarcastically* Wow, you're kind.
Amy: At this point, I'd rather eat a peanut butter and gravel sandwich. It'll be easier to stomach than the rest of this fic.

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Continue to Part Two
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