Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Seven)

--

Note: Cassy, Rory, and Athena will be the main riffers for this chapter.

--

Chapter 7 - Trouble Maker

"My, oh my, do you wanna say goodbye? To have their kingdom, baby tell me why?
My oh my, do you wanna say good bye? To rule a country baby, you and I~?"

Emi: *looks at the footnotes* And the Sue's singing "My Oh My" from Aqua.

"Oh, come on, Kensou, the concert's over, for crying out loud!"
Shingo mumbled as his companion danced in the crowed, flooding towards the exit. Learning Kensou was all ready too hype to even listen to him, Shingo just hid his face in his baseball cap and sped out the door to wait from Kenou outside. Though jolly as he may seemed after being emersed in music for a couple of hours, Kensou managed to slide around the people as they flowed to the doors without bumping into anyone. Afterall, he is a martial artist!

Cassy: So martial artists turn into David Copperfield on their off days.

Kensou found Shingo leaning on the building wall when he pranced out.
"So, did you have fun?"
Shingo asked sarcasticly. But nothing offended Kensou in his good mood.
"Yeah, man, I wish I was in a band like that!"
Kensou exclaimed as he played on an imaginary guitar. (If Asamiya-sempai was half as good as Kira-san, maybe there would've been a band for him to play in), Shingo thought, but dared to say that in front of Kensou.

Mai: ...and there's the Athena bashing. Thanks a lot for using Shingo as your mouthpiece, Suethor.
Miyu: Someone's never heard of "The Band of Fighters". Also, is the Suethor implying that solo singers are terrible? At least solo singers don't have to worry about egos running over each other like in a band!
Cassy: Well, this Sue has a massive ego, considering that all of the members are there to kiss her butt, so I guess it counts.
Athena: *makes a face* Of course she has to be a better singer than me. I'm not saying that I'm the world's best singer, but still!
Rory: *frantically looks around for wank puddles*
Cassy: Dude, you don't need to worry about those. We're in Jade's giant house, so we don't have to clean them up.
Jayleen: Oh, that's because there won't be a drop of those puddles. I refuse to let a single drop of terrible writing land inside of my home.
Kyo K.: Wait, Athena? The one who has millions of crazy fans and has lots of sold out concerts? That Athena? Suethor, you're showing your butt just like how that hack Benji showed his butt when he was insulting Usagi and Haruka. Show it any further and someone's going to kick it down the street... like that guy that hung around Kim and his misfit group. Um, what happened to him again?
Athena: *sighs* He... was hit by a truck when he thought that he saw me. It was actually a cardboard standee.
Kyo K.: *laughs* Oh, that's bad!
Cassy: It's also hypocritical that the Sue's mostly singing songs that are from other bands... while Athena's songs are all original. So, uh, good job. *gives a sarcastic thumbs up*
Rory: Um, I mean... there's nothing wrong with being a cover band, but still. Maybe it's the Sue's siren voice that's making Shingo think that stupid stuff about her.
Cassy: Yeah, and something tells me that her stuff's not going to affect you at all.
Rory: Are you saying that I'm ditzy enough for that brainwashing of hers to pass over my head?
Cassy: Yep.

Dom!

The next moment, Kensou fell, face flat on the floor.
"Hey, who the Hell...!???"
Kensou, literally knocked out of his jolly mood, snapped his face to see who bumped into him to cause the fall. Though he only saw a glimps of the suspect, the view silenced Kensou. Red hair, and a black jacket with a moon etched into it....

Athena: Normally, Kensou would probably attempt to pick a fight with Iori. But since this is a Sue fic...

"You alright, Kensou?"
Shingo offered his hand to pull his friend up, as Kensou wobbled to his feet in disbelief.
"D...did you see that?"
"Huh? See what?"
Kensou shifted his eyes back to the crowd as those of Shingo's followed, but the figure had already melted into the crowd.

Rory: *flailing* What's with all of these people melting like they're copies of the T-1000?!
Cassy: *laughs*

"....never mind...."
"Are you OK, man? Think you can make it to the back stage?"
"O...of course I'm fine! 'Seems like the people're out now...let's go back in!"

Athena: Is Kensou drunk?
Cassy: You'd have to be drunk to enjoy this fic.

Rory: Let me guess. It's still going to be okay for her to get all of these guys to kiss her feet, huh?
Cassy: Mary Sue Classic, dude. Of course she's gonna get away with being a sparkly hooker.
Athena: *confused* Sparkly... hooker?
Cassy: Yeah.

"No, He's Kyo's friend, Shingo."
She then turned and whispered at the puzzled boy.
"They saw me with Kyo a couple of weeks ago, and still are giving me a hard time!"
Shingo chuckled at the thought.

Rory: Ha-ha. Whatever. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her getting all the guys with her magical Suefluence?
Cassy: Apparently.

"And who's the other one?"
Ruka said as he shoved the broom in the locker. Shingo scratched his head, almost forgetting to introduce his companion.

Athena: Even though he didn't forget to shill the Mary Sue. We're on to your shady tactics, Sue!

"Oh, he's Kensou. Sie Kensou."
"Fifs fife fo fee woo (it's nice to meet you)..."
Kensou mumbles as he still rubbed his nose.
"What happened?"
Hotaru asked as she brought out the bandages.
"Oh, the clutz fell on his face dancing outside."
"No, someone bumped into me!"
"Yeah, right!"
Shingo teased him as Kensou cringed at the pain of the medicine now rubbed into his wound.
"Man, I could've sworn it was Yagami..."
Kensou mumbled, as he tried to recall the situation. Fubuki, eyes round from hearing the name, asked again, killing his voice to a whisper so Kira wouldn't hear.
"Who?"
"Yagami Iori. There's no way I can mistake that insanely red hair."
"I see...."
With that, Fubuki stood up and headed to the back door. Just as he reached for the door knob, Raiya grasped his hand.

Athena: Are we sure that Fubuki has feelings for her?
Cassy: Of course. It's one of those classic melodramas, dude. We need like a million love triangles that all have to come back to her.
Rory: *flatly* Yay.

"Where'dya think you're going, leader?"
"Don't stop me, Raiya...."
"You know we have no saying over Kira's life? It's none of our business..."

Rory: So... uh... why do they exist, then?
Cassy: We told you earlier. So they can kiss her butt.

"I know...."
"Then why..."
Raiya froze in the middle of his line, his eyes meeting the cold glare in Fubuki's.
"You know the legends as much as I do, Raiya. I...just don't want Kira...Miss Kira to get hurt...."
"Fubuki, you....."
Raiya looked at Fubuki with clouded eyes. Fubuki, finally breaking Raiya's grip, darted out of the building into the night.

Rory: "Darted out of the building into the night"? Is he Batman?
Cassy: *chuckles*
Athena: Okay, never mind, looks like he clearly has feelings for her. Now this is reminding me of something... he's addressing her as "Miss Kira"? *looks at Kyo K.* Almost like how a certain someone addressed someone else as "Miss Emi"?
Kyo K.: Oh, don't you start reminding me about that crap, Athena! *points at Sonic and Manic* I'm already getting enough of that from those spiny brothers over there!
Sonic, Manic: *grins and waves at Kyo K.*

"Hm? Where did Fubuki go in such a hurry?"
Hearing the commotion by the door (but not the conversation), Kira called to Raiya, standing in the doorway.
"Uh...he just remembered about an architecture project for one of his classes that was due tomorrow."
"Really?"

Rory: Nope.

"Hey, Kensou"
Shingo pinched Kensou's ear and pulled his head over to whisper. He gestured towards Raiya as he continued.
"See that guy? He's the lead guitarist of the band."
Raiya glided to the antique refrigerator that hummed in the corner, and pulled out a bottle of coke.

Cassy: If it's cocaine, I'm not blaming anyone. You'd probably need some of it to enjoy this fic.
Rory: No, you'd actually need some to enjoy the last fic that I've riffed, not this one.

Kensou, with a serious expression caked on his face, marched up to Raiya, who was chugging down the drink. Kensou stopped only a few inches from the startled Raiya.
"Uh......can I help you?"
Kensou collapsed onto the wooden floor, face close enough to the floor to smell the wax. He grasped the gleaming floor with his hands and pushed his head even further down.
"Please! Let me call you my teacher!"
The room stared in astonishment, especially the begging boy's companion.
"Wha.....!?"

Athena: ...this is meant to be comedy, right?
Cassy: *with a stern face* Yes.
Rory: *woodenly* My sides are hurting.

Iori strolled through the park that rested behind his apartment. The park was dark with only a few light poles to dimmly define the lush trees. He stopped in the spotlight of one of these light poles, and pulled his hands out of his red jeans.
"I know you're following me....why dontcha come out?"
Iori didn't turn to the slight shuffling that was heard from behind him. A figure danced in the darkness for a moment, then stepped into the spotlight. His silver hair glistened in the dim light.

Athena: Who dances in darkness?
Rory: Cassy does.

"So you felt my presence....I'm impressed, Yagami."

Cassy: ...and this is supposed to surprise you? It's goddamn Iori Yagami, dude!

"You're from Kira's band, aren't you? What do you want with me?"

Rory: *as Fubuki* You stay away from my woman! *throws a chair at Iori*
Cassy: *chants* Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

The two men stood in the light that pierced the night motionless. Studying each other carefully, ready to spring into action if the other makes a strange move.

Athena: *as a documentary announcer* And so the red-haired predator begins a crouching position, prepared to defend his mate at any and all costs...

"I'm not the type to sit and chat, so I'll make this blunt. Don't try to get any closer to Kira."
Iori narrowed his eyes. His eyes stared at Fubuki coldly.

Rory: We're really doing this? We're doing this mushy love triangle stuff now? This soon?
Cassy: Yep.

"....what are you to Kira?"
"I......We are of darkness...."
"Hmph, darkness that protects the maiden of light, eh? You're a shinobi?"
"Our ancestors have served the Kushinada family for centuries. Miss Kira is our so-called master."

Athena: Miss Kira, Kyo.
Kyo K.: Shut. Up.

"So that's why you're all around her like dogs..."

Athena: Well... he isn't wrong about that.

"But this was originally your job, no? That is, until you and Kusanagi forgot your deed to the Kushinada princess to settle your own puny affairs with each other."

Rory: *makes a face* Really? They were there to kiss her feet and do her bidding all along?
Cassy: Yep! Screw destiny... except for the part where men have to fight over me because I'm a special snowflake.
Rory: But that doesn't make any sense!
Tails: Of course it doesn't, Rory. Especially since the "puny affair" actually involved Yasakani making a pact with Orochi and changing their name to Yagami in the process. I'm afraid to find out what "actually" happened in this fic when we get to it.

"......You, you're here to pick a fight with Yagami Iori?"
Faint purple sparks flashed around the tall red-haired man, dancing in the deep night.

Kyo K.: When the hell did Yagami start talking about himself in the third person?
Cassy: Since Oni possessed him.
Rory: Rory doesn't like this fanfic.
Cassy: *snickers*

"Maybe."
"Silence!!"

Athena: I think he'd be more likely to say... "You'll pay for those words!" or something like that.

Fwhooo!

The violet flames raced over the pavement. It was his trademark move, Style 108, Yamibarai.

Kyo K.: Just Yagami's trademark? Hello? I share two moves with the guy!
Athena: But you dropped that technique at some point...
Kyo K.: I still learned it, though.

Fubuki closed his eyes to the flames, running wildly towards him.
"This is my only warning, Yagami!"
The flames stopped only inches before Fubuki, twitching eagerly to devour its prey. Iori's eyes widened at the sight.
"What the..!? Stopped by winds?"

Cassy: *falls out of her seat* Of course. Of goddamn course.
Rory: Man, none of these people need to use effort in anything, huh?
Cassy: *as she gets back into her seat* Effort's for losers, dude!
Athena: Wait... he'd probably compare those winds to Goenitz's winds. He didn't forget about him so soon, did he?
Cassy: Dude, they're lobotomized. Of course he probably forgot about him.

"Kira isn't being 'nice' to you because she's fond of you.

Rory: Yeah, she is! Shaddap with your lyin'!

She's just feeling pity on you for the curse she has cast upon you years ago..."

Athena: The curse? Oh, you must mean this fic!

"Curse!? The hell you're talking about!"
"You'll learn...soon...."

Rory: Great, now we'll have to wait ten or more chapters for "the curse".
Tails: ...I have a feeling that her clan was responsible for cursing Iori's clan instead of Orochi itself.
Cassy: That would be beyond stupid.

The purple flames began to crystalize in its spot, its arms still reaching for Fubuki.

Athena: Flames... have arms...?
Cassy: This purple prose is ridiculous, dude.

"But I, knowing the truth, can not allow a Yagami to get near Miss Kira! If you do anything that causes her pain, I will show no mercy on you."

Rory: So this definitely implies that Iori likes the Sue, huh?
Cassy: Dude, it's been set in stone since they met in the first chapter.

The frozen flames expanded violently, then burst into a shower of crystal-ice. In the rain of purple ice, Fubuki could not be seen anymore. Iori stared as the crystals of his own flame showered onto him.
"....The....tr..uth?"

Athena: What truth?
Cassy: This fic's all wonky.
Athena: Well, that's true.

"Let's go home already~!"
Shizuku sighed as she leaned in her steel chair. But her pleas were not heard by neither Raiya nor Kensou.
"So you're into Megallica, too?"

Cassy: ...it's Metallica. With a "T", dude.

"Yeah, I always practice my guitar with their songs!"
"What kinda guitar are ya usin' anyway? Oh, this is the one I wanted so badly!"

Athena: Details? What are those?
Cassy: They're useless.
Akiko: We're not going to read anything cool, are we? We've already glossed over a fight scene, and now we're glossing over guitars? Come on!
Cassy: Not the Sue, Akiko.
Akiko: *pouts* Aww, man!

Hotaru was already reclining in the old couch, sound asleep. Kira stared at them with a slight smile on her face (god knows if she was amused or annoyed).

Rory: I'm guessing that she was annoyed because they weren't talking about her.

"So, Shingo kun, why were you two here?"
Shingo, without looking at her, mumbled under his breath.

"I really have no idea..."

Athena: *makes a face* He has no idea why he's here...?
Rory: I know why!
Cassy: Hmm?
Rory: Think about it. I mean, he was basically in this chapter to shill the Sue. And now that he did his part, the brainwashing was lifted!
Athena: I wouldn't call the brainwashing lifted just yet. The fic's still going.
Rory: Oh. Oh, yeah.

--

Continue to Part Eight
Go Back to Part Six
Go Back to MST 'EM: The Movie Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page