Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Eight)

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Note: Amy, Kyo K., and Axl will be the main riffers for this part.

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Chapter 8 - Young, Alive, In Love

Kyo K.: And I think that the chapter's title just described Piko there.
Amy: Was I really alive during the time I plopped my face into my fruit bowl?
Kyo K.: Well... yeah.

The height of the building was only matched by the Tokyo City Hall.

Axl: *confused* What building?
Kyo K.: The one that has the name "Trump" on it. Guy's gotta make things in the shape of his little Trump all of the time.
Amy: Uh... I... you know, I'm just going to ignore that one, Mr. Kusanagi.

The other skyscrapers of Shinjuku reached for the heavens, and defined the Tokyo cityscape. The building loomed over the city in its gleaming dress of glass and steel. Chizuru stood by the wide window and observed the liveliness of the capitol. She turned to her large oak desk by the window, her Prada suit-dress singing with her every move.

Axl: And now clothes can sing. Oh, purple prose, what will you baffle us with next?

Her ivory fingers slid over the drawers and pulled out a manilla envelop. She pulled it out and set it on the desk.

Amy: I'm sorry, but every time I see "ivory fingers", I keep thinking about piano keys.

"Here are the documents that I talked about...it's acutally top secret material, but...."
"Oh, don't worry, we'll keep it a secret."
Raiya winked at her as he peeled the envelop from the waxed desktop.
"It is a crisis, you know...."
Shizuku added as she leaned on the desk. Hotaru shuffled towards the window and looked at the cobalt sky.

Kyo K.: Oh, we know the crisis. KOF's getting warped by a damn Sue.

"...dark forces are lingering in the Heavens, more and more...."
Chizuru shrugged in agreement.
"Yes, I know.....but is it possible to find those with the Orochi blood from just their profiles?"
"That's where we kick in."
Itsuki said in a casual tone, but he was twitching in his suit uncomfortably. Fubuki continued, brushing his hair from his face.
"With me and Raiya entering the tournament with Miss Kira and working from the inside, and the other four working from the outside, it won't be that hard."

Axl: Why am I not surprised that the Sue's entering with two of the guys from her band?
Amy: Because no woman is supposed to outshine her. Not even the ones she associates with.

"Huh? Me and Hotaru's from the inside too, leader?"
"What?"
"You haven't heard from Miss Kira? It's because Ruka there kept on begging to be in the King of Fighters. Miss Kira insisted in taking care of that and promised him and me to be in the tournament."

Kyo K.: *points at Sonic, Manic, and Athena* Not. One. Word.
Manic: Sure thing, Master Kyo!
Sonic, Manic: *laughs*
Athena: *giggles*
Kyo K.: *grumbles* I hate you all.

"Ruka, you little....."
"But I wanted to have some fun!"
"Well, me and bro will be enough to check things out from the outside."
"By the way, where is Miss Kira?"
The six looked at each other, uncertain how to answer Chizuru's seemingly simple question.
"Well, acutally, you know....."

Axl: She's sleeping with Kyo or Iori. Take your pick.
Amy: Wait, "or"? Why not "and"?
Axl: Oh, you know why. If she sleeps with more than one guy, she's a "slut". And you know that a Sue's so-called morals are better than anyone else's.

"Fwa, Aaaa...."
Span!!
Kyo leaned forward in pain, holding the back of his head where he was slapped seconds ago. He silently agonized over his tongue he bit because of the unexpected blow.
"That's what you get for yawning when you're supposed to be studying."
Kira said as she unrolled the notebook she just used to slap Kyo.

Axl: Pardon my French... you know what, don't pardon it. You're an asshole, Sue.
Amy: Really? Smacking him because he did a basic bodily function? Remember, we're supposed to like her!
Kyo K.: Moldy bread's more likeable than she is.

"Can't you be a bit more serious, Kyo? I mean, your final's next week!"
"............................"
"What?"

Kyo K.: *as himself* ...I hate you so much.

"Ok, I understand why I need to study for the finals. I don't mind a bit studying here right after school. But WHY are these two here with us!?"
"Uh...I promise I wan't get in your way, Kusanagi san..."
"Hmph, like our presence are really gonna do a lot of damage to your studying anyway."
Kensou mumbled as he leaned back in his chair. Kyo would've gladly started a fight on the spot if Kira and Shingo didn't stop him.

Amy: Well, Kira's presence is already damaging Mr. Kusanagi. I mean, he already trusts her at the drop of a hat, despite the fact that he's a guy who doesn't do that. He also fell in love with her at first sight. I might be missing something else...
Axl: Aside from the fact that she can easily get him to study?
Amy: That, too!

"Just chill out, you two...it really doesn't matter, does it, Kyo?"

Kyo K.: *as himself* Yes, it does, you brain eating virus.

Without answering, Kyo slumped back into his own chair. Shingo, feeling the stares of the other customers in Burger Queen, blushed in embarrassment.

Axl: Burger Queen? Hey, if you run into a blonde woman with glasses who's ordering about three bags full of burgers, don't mind her.

This strange combination of four sat in a booth by the window, showered by the warm spring sunlight.

Kyo K.: Any more purple prose, and Glasses's eyes just might glow in the dark.

"ANYWAY! We're not leaving until Kyo finishes this workbook, OK?"
"@#$%^&....."
Though their personalities differed greatly, the three boys grumbled in unison.

Amy: Oh, we already have a lot of grumblers here. Sonia, the Kyos, James...
Sonia: Oh, come on, I don't grumble that much!

Kensou scratched his head as he got up from his chair.
"In that case, I'm gonna get something to munch on."
"A, me, too......uh, well, do you mind, Kira san?"
"Of course not. You two don't need that much help from me anyway."

Axl: *as Kira* After all, I didn't make you two as dumb as Kyo here!

With the permission from their tutor-for-the-day out, Kensou and Shingo anxiously hurried to the cashier at the enterance of the shop. Kyo, acting as if he was moping as he looked towards the window, but didn't let the shadows of the two boys slip from his vision. After confirming the two to be out of sight, Kyo acted frivolously as if he was struggling with one of the problems in the workbook.
"Hey Kira, can you help me with this one?"
"Sure. Which one...."

Kyo K.: *as himself* The problem... is your existence.

(Ungh, I didn't expect the student council meeting to be this long...it's already five-thirty, for crying out loud...)
Athena sighed deeply as she gasped at her wrist watch. With her finger toying her uniform's scarf, she looked up at the sky, still a clear cobalt.
(It's already the end of April....the summer's nearing again...)

Axl: And this is the only in-character moment that you'll get out of Athena before the Suethor runs her over with her bad writing. Treasure it, folks.

The pedestrian's signal turned red. Athena's eyes wandered among the shops on the other side of the street in boredom. They abruptly stopped at one of the windows.
(Is that Kyo kun...??)
She watched Kyo, who sat immobile, gazing at the girl that sat next to him. She didn't have a uniform on, so she was definitely not from their highschool. Her hair was short and silky, a bright sienna tone.

Jessie: Would you just say "brown", for crying out loud?!
Amy: Wow, this purple prose is making you snap?
Kyo K.: She's snapped at it since we started this stupid thing, Piko. And I don't blame her.

Above all, Athena has never seen the girl before. She was looking down at a book, seemingly talking to Kyo, and pointing at the book once in a while.
(Who is she? And what is she doing with Kyo kun?)
Athena asked herself as she studied the two.

Amy: So she can possess his family jewels.
Axl: *laughs*

The girl noticed that Kyo was paying attention to her rather than the book, and slapped him on the head with a notebook. Athena couldn't stop herself from giggling at the sight.

Axl: *sarcastically* Ah, abusing people is just so darn funny!
Kyo K.: So, uh, this is one of the old Mary Sue things, huh?
Axl: Yeah. The Sues can abuse anyone who "needs it", but when anyone hits her back in self defense, she screams that it's "abuse".
Amy: Oh, that old thing. I don't miss it.

(Well, whatever they're doing, I guess I should let them alone...I don't want to get Kyo kun upset with me later...)
Without waiting for the signal to change, Athena walked down the street in a different direction.

Kyo K.: And the love triangle's averted... for now.

"Ah, I never thought they'd have the banana shake out around this time of year. I'm so lucky!"
Kensou sang as he set his tray down on the table. Both Kyo and Kira sat staring at the pile of food covering the tray.
"3 hamburgers, 5 cheeseburgers, 2 fillet-o-fish, 3 large fries, 2 apple pies, and a strawberry sundae. And to top it all off, an extra-large banana shake. This is typical of him, by the way..."
Shingo explained while sipping on his own order....a medium coke.

Kyo K.: What the... is that Emi's lunch order?
Emi: I don't eat that much, Master Kyo!
Kyo K.: Alright, alright. We just need to remove the hamburgers, two of the cheeseburgers, and two sets of those fries. *smirks* Is that better?
Emi: *makes a face* Darn it.

"R....really..."
Kira managed to respond while feeling her face turn blue and her chest churning at the sight.

Axl: Because women can't eat those fatty foods. Oh, no, they're supposed to be "good little girls" who need to watch their diets.
Kyo L.: Man, fuck Benji.
Axl: I wasn't even talking about that walking garbage pile, Kyo!
Kyo L.: Fuck. Benji.
Axl: *as he casually waves his hands around* Alright, alright, I get it.

Kensou smiled with delight at the mound of food that sat infront of him.
"So, don't bother about me for a while, ok?"
"Oh, don't worry, we won't......"

Amy: Don't mind him if he also inhales his fork. Because it's fast food, which is meant to be eaten fast.
Kyo K.: ...are you serious, Piko?
Amy: Yes, someone used that logic. Look it up.

"Hmm, so you're thinking of entering the KOF tournament this year, Shingo kun?"
"Yes. But the rules say that I have to be in a team of three fighters, and I haven't had any luck finding two othrs."

Kyo K.: Even though single entries were a thing since KOF '94. Also, why isn't the Suethor trying to stick two people with Yagami if Shingo entering by himself is "wrong"?
Axl: Because she made Iori Better Than You in this thing.
Kyo K.: *flatly* Wonderful.

It was already dark when the little study group left the shop. Kyo, saying he had to see Benimaru about some "summer plans", left the three and went a different way. And so, Shingo, Kensou, and Kira trotted down the street together.

Amy: And then Kira stole their souls. The End.
Axl: She already stole their souls, but the fic's still going 'cause they're zombies now.

"I would love to team up with Shingo, but master Chin has told me that I can't enter the tournament this year, and even if I would enter, I already have team mates."

Amy: And that sentence from Kensou is true. The entire Psycho Soldier team wasn't going to enter, but a fan letter changed their minds.

"It seems Kusanagi san will be entering this year's KOF with Benimaru san and Daimon san, so I'm basically stumped. But man, I want to try my strengths so bad...."
Shingo's face wrinkled with anguish, which Kira observed with thoughtful eyes.
"I can introduce you to some good fighters, you know."
"Eh?  Really!?"
"There's a kid in my band that's been itching to enter the tournament. We've kinda been ignoring his pleas, but he might make a good team with you."
"I...Ican't ask for more!  Thank you very much, Kira san!!"

Kyo K.: ...you know, he was fine as a single entry, you dimension warper. I swear, Mary Sues just love to ruin everything that they're trying to "fix", huh?
Axl: No kidding. I'm already losing count of the canon errors in this dumb thing.

Shingo, forgetting that the three were on a street bustling with people, turned to face Kira and bowed his head low in gratitude. The people stared at this bizzare boy, bowing in the streets, as they went their ways.
"S, stop that, Shingo kun, your embarrassing us!"
"What an abnormal guy...."

Amy: And you want to talk about embarrassments. Sure. Okay.

The trio entered Setagaya park* as a short cut, and strolled through the playgrounds.

Axl: Setagaya park?
Emi: It's exactly what it says, Mr. James. It's a park in the Setagaya district of Tokyo.
Axl: Ah.

Spotting a vending machine, and coming up with a 'brilliant' idea, Shingo broke into a jog to the machines.

Amy: Jeez, Suethor. Do you have to insult everyone in this fic?
Kyo K.: It's not her beautifully crafted Mary Sue. Everyone who isn't her or her groupies all need to be insulted.

"It's not much of a payback, but I'll go buy a drink for you!"
He called back as he trotted off. The remaining two stood around in the baseball field.

"Uh, Kira han**.....do you mind if I ask a favor too?"

Amy: Tails?
Tails: *as he's checking his Miles Electric* It's Kansai dialect, Amy. And yet, the Suethor's baffled that he's not speaking Chinese.
Axl: Yet there's a Japanese vioce actor for people like Terry, Clark, and Shermie, but she's baffled that there isn't a Chinese person who's voicing Kensou. Um... what?
Amy: Wait... so this Suethor does know that he speaks in Kansai dialect... and yet, the canon's getting ruined six ways to Sunday. What is going on here?
Kyo K.: Nonsense. That's what's happening here.

"Sure, if it's something I can do."

Kyo K.: Oh, trust me, you have the ability to do everything, you damn Sue. Stop faking your so-called humbleness.

Contrary to his usual behavior, Kensou figitted and mumbled.

Amy: And another one falls to the Sue's mind warping powers. Everyone's in character until they're around her.

"Well, uh, there's this team mate, or friend I have? Well actually, I kinda think of her a bit more than a friend, but anyway. She really likes to sing and stuff, and..."
"Hm, so you want me to put her on our stage?"
"!!..H, how did you...!?"
"It's easy to try to figure it out by how you're acting.

Kyo L.: Bullshit! We already know that your Sue ass can read minds! Don't try to jerk us around!
Axl: And he just stole my words there.

But it seems you have quite a crush on this person."
"........"
Kensou tried to hide his burning face from Kira's view by looking down, which made things more obvious. Kira giggled at the sight.
"Hmmm.....it seems like a matter I can't figure on my own...."
Kensou slumped his shoulders to the remark with a sigh.

Kyo K.: Of course not. That's where Mary Sue comes in. She can fix everything, you know. Who cares about that silly crap that people call "canon", as the ever so talented Benji Himura once whined?

"Well, let me ask the other members."
"Huh?"
"I am the owner of the live house afterall...I think I can work things out."
She casually winked at the a-bit-dumbfound Kensou.

Amy: I'm still confused as to how she's the owner of a live house when she was living in the mountains all of her life. The mountains.
Axl: Logic isn't a thing here, Amy.

".....O~kini ('thank you' in Kansai dialect), Kira han!!"

Amy: Footnotes. Why are they so inconsistent here?
Kyo K.: Because this fic's canon is inconsistent, Piko.

"Ack!?"
Overwhelmed with joy, Kensou hugged Kira.
"............Yo, Kensou.."
"Huh?"
Kensou opened his eyes (still clinging to Kira) to see Shingo standing in front of him carrying some cans of beverages. Shingo getured to Kensou with his elbow.
"Look behind you."
"?"
Kensou loosened his grip on the stupefied girl, and turned around. His eyes widened at the figure that jumped into his vision, the flowing purlpe hair and the trademark star.

Kyo K.: Oh, here we go. Here comes Athena, freshly smacked by the OOC bus.
Athena: This isn't going to end well, right?
Benimaru: Unfortunately, it won't end well for you.

"A...Athena~~!?? Why...?"
"Why you little...!!!"
Kira looked at Kensou, his hand that still rested on her own shoulders, to the girl that stood in fury, then back at Kensou, now his face turning blue.
"Uh, can someone tell me what's going on??"

Axl: This's supposed to be a cliffhanger, right?
Amy: Considering this fic, I think that's where the commercials come in before the Jerry Springer security people interrupt their fist fight and drag them away.
Kyo K.: Huh. You do know that the fights and this fic are fake garbage, right?
Amy: Of course. That's why I don't tolerate either choice, Mr. Kusanagi.

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