Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Twenty-Eight)

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Note: The English version of this chapter unfortunately wasn't archived, but the Spanish translation was. So this chapter will obviously look different from the others because this went through Google Translate and was then edited by the main writer in a somewhat crappy attempt to make the chapter a bit more readable.

Your main riffers for this part will be Sonic, Amy, and Athena.

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Chapter 28 - All I Really Want

... 21 years ago, I came into this world as the son of one of the most powerful, feared, and dangerous clans. The Yagami Clan.

Sonic: *throws his hands up* Oh, come on, I don't want to sit through OOCori wangsting for an entire chapter!
Amy: Unfortunately, that's what we're doing.

Since then I never knew if I really belonged in that clan. The woman who was my mother died giving birth to me, they said. They say that all women who have been mothers of a Yagami die violently. My life was filled with blood from the beginning.

Athena: And then he listened to lots of screamo music while cutting his wrists... oh, wait, wrong fanfic.

I was taught to fight since I was three. It was the only education that the pig I called my father gave me. It took me little time to learn to kill animals with my bare hands, and watching them suffer at my feet gave me intense pleasure as a child.

Amy: Remember, he's the Sue's love interest!
Athena: Um... I don't... that sounds... very unsettling...
Amy: And who cares about what Athena thinks, because the Suethor hates her!
Athena: *makes a face* Yeah, thanks for that reminder.

On a hot day, I was taken to the Shrine of Kushinada. I was five. It was the first time I saw someone my age. Until then, I was only surrounded by the elderly and bossy. I remember I did not know how to talk. She just smiled and waited for me to speak. Her smile was colorful and full of spirit, but I somehow felt a shadow in her eyes. The same pain in the old house where I lived. She knew it well. Pain. Loneliness.

Sonic: Boredom. Sappiness. Stupidity.
Amy: Red String Strangling.

Shortly after the ceremony that day, I began to feel terrible pain when I used my new powers. I felt the purple flames dancing in my hand which taunted me when I fell on my knees holding my chest. I told my father, and he just said he already knew. I just wanted to kill the Kusanagis, who still did not know, with that power.
He did not mind my pain. And I knew: his answer did not surprise me.

Since then, I practiced hard to fight without using flames. But my father did not like it.
He wanted me to be better than that child who was the heir to the Kusanagi solar power.
They said he hated that boy whom I had never laid my eyes upon. Kill him. But even so, I thank you for giving me a reason to live, a mission to accomplish.

Athena: Even though that mission won't exist in this fic.
Sonic: Yeah, thank the guy who made your life a living hell! It's worth it if he gets to bonk a Mary Sue!
Amy: *bored* This is dumb.
Sonic: This whole fic is dumb.

I practiced hard for the day I met Kusanagi and break it in pieces as they wanted.

I heard that the son of the Kusanagis, Kyo, was going to enter a tournament in the summer of 1994. A private tournament. It was sponsored by Rugal. It was typical of idiots like him to do tournaments like that, and when something so dark was carried out, Yagami know. But I ignored the invitation.
I was not interested in power. Soon cursed my pride not go to the tournament, when I knew who had been the champion.

Athena: Um... if he knew that Kyo was entering, he'd enter, too.
Amy: You're using logic, Athena.
Athena: Oh, right! I forgot that logic isn't allowed here. Sorry!

I was quite happy to accept the invitation to the King of Fighters 95. "R".
But the rule was to get him as a team of three.

Sonic: And we all know how well Iori plays with others! *gives a sarcastic thumbs up*

I soon learned that the dogs were working for Geese Howard too, and I offered to partner with them for the same purpose. To finish that what we had intended to do.

Amy: Makes sense. I mean, the entire team wanted to get revenge on someone. Billy hated the Bogard Brothers, Eiji hated the Sakazaki family, and, well, we all know about Iori.

I knew the power of Orochi that had raised Rugal, and became more interested in that boy of Kusanagi. When Rugal lost control of the power of Orochi in his body, I ended up with my companions to acquire strength.

Amy: Oh, you liar. You beat your teammates up.

With this new power in mind, I was sure he would kill Kyo with his bare hands.

Athena: Uh... Rugal self-destructed, and you mocked him about it because he wasn't of Orochi blood. Why is he lying to us?
Sonic: Because the Suethor's trying to fluff him up to look like a sad "cuddle-bun".

But my father did not believe that. It felt like a disgrace that I let a Kusanagi live, and he rejected me. I got kicked out of the mansion where I lived for 19 years and I was forced to live alone.

Amy: He's used to living alone. Oh, my god, the wangst is overflowing.

Nothing in this old house tied me either. I enjoyed my freedom.

Sonic: *as Iori* You can't fire me, I quit!

Months later, my father started sending me money and girls.

Amy: But none of them compared to that Sue, obviously.

Though it had failed, it was still hope and tool to avenge the Kusanagi clan, of course, and getting lost was a bad idea for him.
He gave the same, and took the money. He knew they were second-hand, but had more than enough.

Athena: *confused* The women were "second-hand"? *re-reads* Oh, he meant the money! At least... I hope that he was referring to the money.

It was then that I learned about the life of Kyo. He had everything. Family. Friends. Comrades. A girlfriend. A sweet home. A school and peers. A life. I had nothing.

Sonic: *plays a tiny violin* Look, this would be one thing if this was a person who wanted to get close to someone, but come on! This is OOCori!

Two well-known women approached me 96. The secretaries of Rugal. They too wanted revenge on Kyo. I did not care as he was mine to kill, and went to the tournament with them. Observing my movements seemed a bit much, but that changed as the tournament progressed. These whores fought very well.

Sonic: *sarcastically* Oh, that's a very flattering statement!
Amy: This fic really didn't age well.

I wondered where they learned to fight, and why they were with Rugal first.

Athena: Uh... no, you didn't. You sort of... never really cared about them.

Everything came to an abrupt end in the finals. It was only me and Kyo.

A priest interrupted us and told me that those women who were with me were from the Orochi clan, and also his pawns.

Amy: Mature and Vice were actually his subordinates, not his pawns.

That explained everything, but for some reason they were against him and challenged him. Then I explained that I also had Orochi blood.

Sonic: No, you didn't. They already knew that you had it.

And when I saw him die by the flames of Kyo, I felt that my eyes turned red ... And at the time, both were in pools of their blood.

I became a murderer, and I did not care. Coming from the underworld, anybody would.

Athena: Ah, ah! He just admitted that he is a murderer, Mary Sue! That's why nobody bought your poor defense in Chapter 23!
Sonic: To be fair, we're in his thoughts, Athena.
Athena: But she can read minds, right? Her Sue powers should be ridiculous enough for that, right?
Sonic: Touché.

But I do not remember anything about the process murdering them ... And since then, I started having nightmares of those whores who I killed, constantly bothering me in my dreams.

Amy: *mimics Iori* Yeah, those stupid whores. *normal voice* Man, all of the so-called protagonists are so unlikeable in this fic. He needs a good smack from my hammer. It might get him back into character.

It was the Spring of '97. Kyo and I found each other on the street and, although I did not walk forward, he seemed like he expected to fight me, and went for it. It was a demon for him, and I was, all right. But I soon found myself losing, and I fainted in a stack of boxes. I woke up half naked in a room with a girl around my age. It looked oddly familiar and friendly to me, but I did not think about it until she called me by my name ...

Sonic: Oh, no, we do not need to revisit every event that happened with him and the Sue again!

It was the Shrine Maiden Kushinada I saw 15 years ago. Sure, she knew me.
Maybe she knew that I was a murderer.

Athena: *holds up Chapter 23* Nope.

But this time, it mattered to me. The shadow darkened the smile that was still on her lips. The same smile from 15 years ago. That attracted me. We had something in common.

Sonic: Chemistry? What chemistry? Getting to know each other? What's that? Nope, we don't need to develop their relationship! They're just lovers because "the story said so"!
Amy: I have a better romantic relationship with a tube of toothpaste.
Athena: *giggles*

When I told her my nightmare, she did not laugh or shrug or believed that I was crazy.

Amy: But she did guilt trip you.

But she said he would help me, and she did. The nightmare was over.

Sonic: But ours was just beginning.

A boy from her band came and told me to stay away from her. That she was only good to me out of pity. I did not care if it was true or not ... At least she thought of me. It was the first time...

Athena: *tries not to laugh* Oh...! I don't know what to say!
Amy: "At least she thought of me," says the person who used the Sue. Okay, that makes sense! *turns to the audience, shakes her head*

Once I saw her with Kyo. With that sworn enemy that I wanted to hurt. I felt my blood burning, like when my eyes turned red in '96, and I took the head to hold back.

Athena: *as Iori* But I had to whine about it some more.

When we saw each other again, that feeling went away, but after seeing her with Kyo, I did not know whether or not to trust her.

Sonic: Hey, it's okay. We don't trust her, either.

I burned my chest. For the first time, I mourned someone. The one in front of me. I did not know what to say or do. I just wanted to hug her.

Athena: *replaces Kira with a cactus* Here, hug this. You might get your original personality back.

She was mine. Or so I thought. The second time I saw them talking in the garden of the Hotel, I went towards them, I slipped and I showed Kyo that she belonged to me.

Amy: She doesn't "belong" to you, you jerk! She's not an object!
Sonic: Once again, it falls flat when you realize that the Sue treats herself like a prize to be won.

She slapped me so, and I suffered again.

Athena: *as Iori* I then wrote a few pages full of angsty poetry. Nobody understands the pain that I feel.

But now I had a heavy stomach, and my tongue made a knot. I wanted to excuse myself, but I left when I was still thinking what to say. I cursed myself for not being able to tell her, and I envied Kyo for it. Because he can speak to the heart.

Sonic: Iori? Envying Kyo? Oh, you know that we're still reading a bad fanfic here!

I had no time to talk since then, and we are in a cave all ready to die.

Athena: *holds up a picture of a herring, frowns* You're not going to die.

Kyo did not want to see me break and talk about it to her, but at the same time, he wanted to say how he felt about her.

Amy: He already did. Chapter 13. The Sue rejected him and used Yuki to shame him.

But with no chance, we parted. They caught me thinking in that and I was set up.

Athena: So you were set up... by being dumb?
Sonic: It's never their fault, Athena.

My weakness made me vulnerable and caused me to betray her again.

Amy: *crosses out "weakness", writes "horniness" over it* It's fixed now.
Sonic: Amost, Ames. *crosses out "vulnerable", writes "incredibly stupid" over it* Much better.
Athena: Wait! *crosses out "and caused me to betray her again"* "My horniness made me incredibly stupid." Kampeki! (Perfect!)

Before I could react, I was fighting a man who hated me without me knowing why.

Athena: Uh... he'd just ignore Yashiro. He wouldn't mull over it.

She appeared before me and Kyo as the Queen of the Orochi. But I already knew. Best it would have been that she had died in my arms, rather than see her acting as she did, and against her will. She knew her true self would not allow it. But he was already very weak and I was at her feet in seconds. I realized she did it to deceive the enemy, and rather die than fight us.

Amy: Yeah, but fighting the Heavenly Kings together? No, that's logic!

What I really wanted was someone to understand me, and she replied.

Athena: Even though you two have zero chemistry. So she's just your "true love" because she visited your apartment a couple of times, and... oh, right. "Destiny".

And now she was in front of us, preparing to die in our place.

Sonic: I wish she would, then this fic would be over.

Am I going to let that happen? ..... NO, NEVER !!

***

The energy sphere surrounded Izanagi's arm as he went toward the barrier where the girl stood. Kira grasped his hand, ready to take that hit.

Amy: *bored* I won't be surprised if Miyuki guessed correctly.
Athena: She's not getting hit, is she?
Sonic: She's not getting hit. Mary Sues aren't allowed to get hit.

Zu .... nnn !!

Kira opened her eyes, waiting for the pain. And nothing happened.
"Eh ....?"

Mai, Axl: *heavily sighs, sings* O Please Shut Up...
Sonic: *laughs*

She heard the horrified voice of Kyo before looking ahead, to where the blow should have been.
"YAGAMI !!!?"
She looked up. Iori was in front of her, with the arm of God penetrating his belly. Izanagi's bare arm was bloody, and dyed red within the surroundings.

Amy: Miyuki was right.
Miyuki: I knew it.
Athena: This is so predictable! Nobody fell for that!

"Iya ..... (no)"
Her breath froze in her throat and she shook her head.
" 'NOOOOOOOOOOOO ---- !!!"

Sonic: *unfazed* Uh-huh. Man, this is boring. We already know that he's not going to die, either!
Amy: Of course not. A Mary Sue's love interest can't die.
Athena: That protection plan must be working overtime!
Amy: Oh, definitely.

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