Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Twenty-Seven)

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Note: This part will be mainly riffed by Kyo K., Keiko, and Miyuki.

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Chapter 27 - A Sad Kiss...

"What the hell is this about, Kira? A Second Genesis!?"
Kyo turned and watched Iori, who seemed as confused as he was, then turned to Kira, or who seemed to be Kira.

Miyuki: Uh... she is, you dummy!
Kyo K.: *sighs* I'm so tired of these fics that give me the brain power of a peanut.
Keiko: Don't compare yourself to peanuts, Kusanagi. Peanuts are actually useful.
Miyuki: *stifles a laugh*
Kyo K.: You can just go to Hell, Tsukino.

"Uh, you are the Kira we know, right?"
"Of course I am! Who do I look like!?"
"Well," Kyo scratched his head, trying to sort things out in his mind, which only gave him a headache.

Miyuki: Yeah, well, this fic's giving everyone a headache, so now you know how we feel.

"Why did you turn back to normal all of a sudden anyway??"
"......I was just acting a while ago."

All: Wait, what?!

"You were WHAT!???"

Kyo K.: Our thoughts exactly!

"You know, acting like I was possessed. Couldn't you tell?"
Kyo looked back at Iori, who just shrugged.
"Hm, guess I should stop singing and go as an actress....

All: ...
Everyone except Jayleen: *throws a loud, angry fit*
Cassy: Holy crap, I was right!
Kyo L.: This is some stupid fucking bullshit!
Miyuki: My headache is enormous right now.
Keiko: ...I really want to decapitate this Mary Sue.
Kyo K.: I'm done. I quit. I can't deal with another word of this Mary Sue garbage. *gets up, walks out of the theater* No. Uh-uh.
Manic: ...now you can stamp me.
Rory: And stamp me, please.
Jayleen: Oh, wonderful! Anyone else?
Sonic, Benimaru, Tails, Akiko, Miyuki, Athena: *raises their hands*
Jayleen: Oh, my. That's everybody else. Well, it looks like this fic is a failure! Now, before we continue, I believe that we should retrieve a certain Mr. Kusanagi?
Benimaru: *gets up* I'm on it. Let's go, Athena.
Athena: Sure.
*Five minutes later*
Kyo K.: No! I'm not doing it! Beni, Athena, you two will not make me riff another word of this crap! No way!
Athena: Sorry, Kyo, but you know that you can't switch out! You have to do this!
Kyo K.: *stares at Benimaru and Athena*
Benimaru: *points to the seat that's next to Keiko* Go. Now. Do it or I'll static cling your behind to the seat.
Kyo K.: *sighs and sits next to Keiko* Damn it.

anyway, even though I've absorbed four magatamas in all now, I figured fighting against four Orochi warriors will still be nonetheless hard to do alone.

Miyuki: This is coming from the Mary Sue who can easily wipe the floor with everyone.

So I was gonna make them trust me more and make an opportunity to attack. Like it didn't help at all now I look back at it...."

Keiko: Even more proof that Mary Sues make things a million times worse than they already are.

"So wait a minute, you beat the crap out of us with such ease, and it was just pretending?"
"But I didn't kill you, right?

Kyo K.: *as himself, sarcastically* Oh, that makes everything better, you stupid ass!

If I didn't fight you two in that situation, either Chris or Yashiro would've gotten you. And they would probably think of me strangely. But even so, keeping my conscience in tact while going full power with my Orochi blood was a bit tiring..."
Kira wearily smiled as she stretched.

Keiko: *sarcastically* Oh, poor you.
Miyuki: Really, why is this Suethor trying to put weaknesses into her Sue so late into the fic? It's not working at all!
Kyo K.: It's just a crappy attempt to throw us off again. It's supposed to make us feel sorry for her, and you know that it's not flying with any of us.

Iori stared at her.
"....you mean, you can control your Orochi blood?"
"Is that a new concept for you?

Kyo K.: Uh, yes, it is, you jackass.
Miyuki: And this fic was crapped out before Leona controlled her own Orochi blood. Only one problem... Leona's was realistic. And she put effort into doing it.

I've practiced it for 20 years in these mountains!

Kyo K.: Tails... how old is the Sue?
Tails: *loads Kira's profile* She's 21, Kyo.
Miyuki: So she's been practicing since she was one?
Rory: That doesn't make any sense!
Keiko: This fic has lost every bit of sense. I'm done with this idiotic excuse of a fic. I just want it to end now.

Well, it seems both of you have recovered enough to stand."
"Huh??"
Kyo pushed himself from the ground and onto his feet with incredible ease. Iori did the same.
"What the...? But we were near death a minute ago?"
"This barrier not only repels physical attacks from outside, but helps those inside recover from any kind of wounds or bruises.

Keiko: And now she has healing powers. So, out of nowhere, we're treated to yet another power that this Mary Sue has. *sighs* Wonderful.
Miyuki: So she really is trying to be a "better Athena" by having better healing and reflection powers.

Yuki chan should be up in a minute too."
"Really...."
With a sigh of relief escaping from his lips, Kyo looked at Yuki who was lying on the floor by him.

"And what's this deal with two Orochi souls you were blabbing about?" Iori continued.
"........I never knew this, but apparently the soul of the Orochi sleeps in the body of one of the eight Orochi Warriors.

Kyo K.: You're an Orochi warrior. A member of the Hakkeshu. And you didn't know this?! Jesus-- *angrily grabs his hair, sighs* Jesus tap-dancing Christ.

And that warrior is gifted with the ability to abosrb the magatama of the others and make their own strength."
"As you did with Vice and Mature's stone that was infesting me?"
"So you remember. Yeah.

Keiko: Of course Yagami would remember everything easily while Kusanagi can't remember what he ate for breakfast that morning. The Suethor's bias between those two is astronomical.

But I didn't know about this until Goenitz explained this to me. That means I'm the Orochi and I'm the one that ultimately have to battle you two."
"......."

Kyo K.: *as himself* Jeez, Yagami. This moron still thinks that she's Orochi. And you're supposed to be with her... why?

"I couldn't stand that.

Miyuki: Well, we can't stand you.

Not against you two. So I acted like I was overcome by the Orochi blood and planned to steal their magatamas as well when I got the opportunity. When I first released my powers, which is when Yuki chan first saw me in the chambers, I knew I could keep my conscience even after releasing the powers totally. 'Guess my practice as a priestess really did pay off..."
Kira laughed at herself, remembering how many times she felt she was going mad in the secluded shrine.

Jessie: Oh, go fuck yourself!
Cassy: *laughs* Oh, you really do hate her, dude!
Kyo K.: Oh. Now she's feeling our pain. I've been going mad reading this crap.
Keiko: And we're supposed to sympathize with this idiot? Especially when she's been a jerk to certain people during the course of this nonsense? *points at the screen* We haven't forgotten you picking on Asamiya and making her cry, Sue.
Miyuki: Remember what Tomoko said earlier. Respect is supposed to be earned, not Sued up.

"After absorbing the eight magatama, I was going to kill myself."

Keiko: A shame that that didn't happen.
Kyo L.: She should've called me. I'm good at killing.
Miyuki: Oh, look. Another attempt at getting sympathy points.
Kyo K.: *unfazed* Yeah, whatever.

"!!!?"
"That way, I wouldn't have to fight you two. Someone would've died if we battled, and I would be the one that should if I'm the Orochi. Although it seemed you didn't mind to fight...."
Iori felt her eyes fixed on him, and he turned away. She smiled, and cursed herself for being so "mischeivious" at a time like this.

Miyuki: Oh, look. Another attempt at being humble.
Keiko: *scoffs*

"But my calculations and Goenitz' speculations were wrong. There was another Orochi soul that reincarnated into this world. This happens every couple of thousand of years, the old scriptures said, and do you know what the two Orochis, or Gods were called?"
"No..."
"Izanagi and Izanami."
"!?"
"As in the Japanese Creation Myth?"
Kyo blinked at the sudden mentioning of such old stories, a world so distant from the world he lived in.
"........Before Japan was created, there was only a world of white. The god Izanagi and goddess Izanami came from the Heavens and together created Japan from the white seas......"
"Oh, you know, Kyo? That's the one. What if that was real?"

Kyo K.: "What if"? It will be! This is just an excuse for the Sue to make sure that she doesn't end up as Orochi!

"........"
"wait a minute..."
Iori and Kyo looked around them. White. A world of white.
"Are you telling us!?"
"Izanagi was the god of destruction. He's probably thinking of destroying the world you two came from to create a new one. And I, Izanami am a goddess of opposing powers."
"........"

Keiko: *facepalms*
Miyuki: Kyo.
Kyo K.: Yeah?
Miyuki: Remember what you first predicted when you started riffing this thing?
Kyo K.: Refresh my memory.
Miyuki: Remember when Emi read the footnote about Hesperia to us? And you guessed that the Sue was going to be a goddess or something? Looks like you were right.
Kyo K.: I want to be surprised at this, but I'm not. That's how bad this fic is.
Axl: I know that I'm not supposed to say much here, but... um... yes, Izanagi was male and Izanami was female. They're also part of the Japanese Creation Myth, as stated earlier. But, uh... Izanami ended up being a rotten walking pile of flesh after she ate the food of the underworld. And she threatened to destroy a thousand living residents each day while Izanagi said that he'd give birth to fifteen hundred more. So... this Suethor just reversed everything just so she could let her cheating Mary Sue get away with it.
Keiko: If I facepalm any harder, I'll just rip my own face off.

The three fell silent. Even the shower of pebbles have stopped, and the silence pierced their ears.
"Kyo." 
"Yeah?"

Kyo K., Miyuki: *stares at the fic*
Keiko: Well, that's incredibly eerie.

Kira lifted her eyes and stared into his.
"Take care of Yuki for me, will you?"
"Sure....."
"Iori."
"......"
She walked up to him, only inches apart.

Miyuki: Here comes the sappy stuff.

"You didn't care staining your hands with blood for my sake. Now it's my turn."
"Kira, you're not going to...."
Kira just smiled her usual, vibrant smile.

Keiko: Which was enough to make us vomit.

Then her eyes clouded with tears. She lifted her body onto her toes and kissed him.
"!"
She quickly hopped back to her feet, then slowly walked towards the world beyond her barrier, where Orochi, rather, Izanagi awaited her.

Miyuki: I really don't know what those two have in common. How the heck are they lovers?
Kyo K.: Because it's a Sue fic.

"I, as Izanami, as Himiko, as Kushinada Kira give you two this first and last decree."
Kira turned her head to look at Kyo and Iori again.
"Live."
Then she slid out of the barrier and into chaos.

Kyo K.: And then she died. Fic's over, good riddance, I'm going to call Yuki now. *gets up*
Miyuki: *grabs Kyo K.'s jacket and pulls him back into his seat*
Kyo K.: What the heck?!
Miyuki: You're not leaving yet.

Kira silently faced the other Orochi soul that has awaken. Who was a frail boy has now grown into a youth of immense strength, with flowing silver hair rustling about his tanned face.

Keiko: You described Orochi's appearance in the previous chapter. We can remember things. We are not Donald Trump supporters.
Miyuki: *snickers*

He stared back at her with seemingly no expression, but his eyes glistened a violent scarlet. Streaks of black etched his wide chest and arms.
"So, the butterfly is ready to fly after breaking the coccoon, eh, Izanagi?"
He didn't answer, but extended his arm towards the girl.
"Now, Izanami, let's return to oblivion."
"........"
She smiled, and shook her head.
"I can't, and you know that. I have something I want to protect in this world, and I won't let you destroy it."

Miyuki: Something that she wants to protect... oh, so it's Iori's balls!
Kyo K.: *shudders*

"So let it be......"
With a moment of silence that seemed like eternity, the two burst towards each other.

Keiko: And of course we're not going to get a description of that battle. Nobody should be surprised at this.

"Damn! DAMN!!!"
Iori banged on the walls of the barrier that encased him.
"Stop it, fool! We don't have the power to get through this thing."
Kyo sat on what was the floor, holding Yuki in his arms. Iori turned his blazing eyes towards Kyo with rage and hate, more intense then ever.
"What the HELL are you sitting there for! We gotta get out there and fight with her!"
"Look, if Kira wanted us to fight with her, she would've said so..."
"Coward!!"
Iori grabbed Kyo by his collar and pulled him from the floor and to his height.
"You just don't want to risk your life because of this little brat!"
He pointed at the girl that slumped on the floor.

Keiko: And you're any better... how?
Miyuki: I don't get it. How can Iori and the Sue act like giant jerks and get away with it?
Kyo K.: Because the crappy writer in the sky said that they can. She gets immunity because she's the Sue, and he gets away with it because he's her hump buddy.

"Get a grip, will you!?"
Kyo broke the grip by brushing Iori's hands with his own.
"If we go out now, we'll just get in Kira's way!"
"............"

Miyuki: And then he finally remembered that he could put himself and Pod Kyo in danger just because he wanted some Mary Sue tail.

Bursts of energy exploded outside of the tiny chamber made by the barrier from the impact of battle, and shook them violently. Their eyes barely kept up with the fighting gods' speed, though they both were well known in their world as one of the most powerful fighters in the world.

Kyo K.: What's a fight scene? What's a fight scene in a King of Fighters fic? *shrugs*
Keiko: Once again, the fight scene is "too fast". And once again, that translates to "I'm too lazy to describe this for you all."
Miyuki: Yep.

Iori wearily turned back to the wall and punched it with all his force. The impact just bounded back to him.
".....Argh!"
Falling back to his knees, Iori stared at his hand, and drove it to the floor.
"Damn this! You just want me to sit here and watch her die!?"
".....Yagami......"

Miyuki: Yeah. Sure. Please let her die. I don't know who's going to throw a party first, but please let her die.
Kyo K.: *sighs* I want her to bite the dust as well, but... she's not gonna die.

"aAAAArgh!!"
Kira broke from the intense speed she was fighing in, and slammed into the ground not far from the barrier.
"K....Kira!"
The two exclaimed. Kira tried to get back to her feet with great difficulty. Her knees buckled under her shaking body.

Keiko: Oh, look. The Mary Sue is having trouble. And look, my sympathy level is still incredibly low.

Izanagi hovered over her in the air. He lifted his hand above his head.
"Now, a new world awaits us....."
"!!!"
Kira looked up as a sphere of energy pulsed around his hands, churning and enlarging with every rhythm it produced. She glanced back at the barrier and the two men it protected. (It only repels physical contact....not energy balls!)

Kyo K.: *unfazed* Oh, look. A sudden flaw out of nowhere just to create tension.

She leaped into the air in between the god and the mortals, and froze into a defensive stance.
"She's thinking of bracing that energy!? That's suicide!!"
"Kira! What the hell are you doing! Dodge the attack!"
Kyo shouted from the chamber, but his pleas didn't reach her ears.
"If only I had the power to get the hell out of here and help her!"
Iori banged on the walls again.
"CHIKUSHO~~(damn)!!!"

Miyuki: And let me guess, his "twu luv" for the Sue is going to let him get through the barrier?
Kyo K.: Most likely, yeah.
Keiko: *sighs* This is incredibly stupid.
Kyo K.: This fic's been stupid since the beginning.

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