Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Twenty-Nine)

--

Note: Your main riffers for this chapter are Sonia, Cassy, and Kyo K.

--

Chapter 29 - Beyond the Path

Cassy: Which is beyond any common sense here.
Kyo K.: This fic had no common sense.

"That....IDIOT!!!!"
Flinging his vision away from the sight above him, Kyo clenched his fist.

Sonia: "Idiot"? You just described yourself, Pod Kyo. Good job.

He stared at his hands that hung by his body. They shook. In fear? No.
(Be strong, my son.....) The image of his father suddenly appeared in Kyo's mind. His sparkling eyes, his teasing but loving smile, his deep brown beard. (Sorry, dad....) Kyo shook his head. (I've let you down big time this time...I can't do anything. Yagami is dying out there, Kira's fighting a god, and I'm sitting here in a safe little barrier with my girl friend doing absolutely nothing.....!)

Kyo K.: Hey, just like the botched legend from whatever chapter that was.
Sonia: You riffed it with Athena and Benimaru, Kyo...
Kyo K.: Oh. Damn it. Can't believe that I forgot that fast.

His fist gripped even tighter as his nails dug into the leather gloves he always wore. He didn't notice that sparks of bright red light were bursting about him.
"If only...if only I had more power...!!!"

Zash!!

"What...!??"

Cassy: When'd he turn into Pod Shingo?
Sonia: I'm also wondering how the hell he forgot about the sword that he pulled out of his own body during the botched legend.
Kyo K.: Jesus. Everyone really is dumb in this stupid fic.

"Oh my god...oh my god...!!!"
Kira muttered rapidly as she clung her arms around herself.

Cassy: Well, you are fighting one, dude.

Iori coughed up some blood, leaning forward on the arm that penetrated his body. Tears welled in her eyes again as her face wrinkled with rage.
"Baka (idiot)!! Who do you think I was going to die for!!"
Iori glanced back at her with a weak smirk.
"And who do you think I'm doing this for....?"

Sonia: *unfazed* Aww, look at the couple with zero chemistry.
Kyo K.: If this gets any worse, I'm calling Fox Clone's little shop of horrors.
Kyo L.: No, that's what I call my torture chamber, not LeMaire Medical.
Miyu: Kyo... when did you get a torture chamber?
Kyo L.: Since Cass bought one and spiffed it up for me.
Cassy: Dude! Don't rat me out like that!
Miyu: *shakes her head* Honestly...

"You're a Yasakani....!? You dare interfere me again!!?"
Izanagi growled as he tried to pull his arm from Iori's stomach. But Iori furiously grappled at Izanagi's arm, denying its freedom. Iori felt the arm within him becoming dangerously hot. Energy was flowing into it again, preparing for another energy attack to forcefully break through him.
"Oh no, you don't!!"
Iori dug his nails into Izanagi's arm, refusing to let go of it. Purple sparks flew around them wildly as they struggled.
"HAAAAaaa....!!!"
Blazes burst around Iori's hands. But the normal blue tint of the Yagami flames was no where to be seen. The flames roared with a vibrant red hue...just like Kyo's! Izanagi's face distorted with anguish.
"Guh!!"

Cassy: Dude, the crimson flames stuff happened during KOF '96. This isn't surprising.
Kyo K.: Yeah, but you're supposed to root for him, Goth Girl.
Cassy: Yeah. *sucks her teeth* Not feelin' it.

"....red flames......?"
Kira stared at the two that fought in front of her eyes.
".....the tinge of the Orochi power is gone from his flames.....he has overcome the Riot of Blood.....!?"

Sonia: *bored* Of course he has. Anything to be with his "twu luv".
Kyo K.: He didn't "overcome" it. The Sue removed it! She took it out during that nightmare purging eons ago!
Cassy: And he conveniently kept that for "drama", remember?
Kyo K.: ...this fic's stupid.
Cassy: I know, dude.

"L...let go--!!"
Izanagi roared with intense fury, flashing his fangs. Iori's thin lips twitched at every move they made from the pain, but his nails dug even deeper.
"NEVER!!!"
The flames stormed with more vigor, engulfing the two.

Cassy: *bored* This's probably the most detailed "fight scene" we've had in a while.

"Don't...do this..anymore...yamete (stop).....mou YAMETE---!!!!"
Kira shouted, but the pillar of fire mercilessly burned in front of her. Seeing the flames not diminishing, she shrieked, her head in her hands.

Kyo K.: Okay, he'll stop fighting, and the world will just poof. That sound good to ya?
Sonia: Why did she suddenly gain a pacifistic nature? She was more than willing to kick everyone's behinds to the next city and beyond.
Kyo K.: Because... because reasons, Sonia.

"KIRA!!"
The sudden voice from behind startled the girl.
"....Kyo!? But how could you get out of the....?"
She shifted her vision to his hands, which clenched the sword.  The Serpent Slayer that she implanted in his body long ago.

Cassy: And she acts like an asshole to him whenever he forgets anything. But when she forgets about the actual shit that she put into his body, it's okay. Man, screw this dumbass hypocrite Sue.

"The sword of the Kusanagi...."
"Hurry, Kira, give me the strength to defeat the Orochi!!"
He shouted as he glared at the god that struggled in the pillar of flames.
"I'm the one that can do that, right!!? Don't waste this opportunity Yagami's given us!!"
Kira gazed at Kyo, at the flames, and back at Kyo. (....Ah...these men are so strong.....)

Kyo K.: I don't know if that's the Sue getting horny over that... or the Suethor herself. Either way, it's creeping me the hell out.

She closed her eyes for a moment.
"Okay, I'll gather as much energy I can harness, and give it to you. With that energy, slay the Dragon!!"
"Gotcha!"

Axl: *raises his hand* It's a, it's a snake demon, not a dragon... whatever. *puts his hand down*

Kyo glanced back at the barrier below them, where Yuki safely slept. Kira swiftly crossed her legs and grasped her hands together and began to chant ancient words Kyo couldn't understand.

Sonia: That's okay, nobody can translate the ancient Mary Sue language, anyway. Most people are familiar with their modern incantations.

A tiny but intense light emerged from her hands, pulsing with her words.

The pillar of flames burst and Izanagi emerged. His body was tinged from the flames a slightly darker tan, but he was virtually scarless. His hand grasped Iori by the throat as his limp body dangled in the air.
"Damn, Kira, HURRY!!!"
Kyo exclaimed as he hurled towards Kira.
"Kyo, give me the sword for a sec!"
He obeyed eagerly as he handed her the sword swiftly. The blade began to shine brightly the second it had contact with the young goddess' hand, and turned into a streak of light.
"This sword has been blessed by me, Izanami, goddess of the Heavens.

Axl: *raises a hand* Um... Izanami's actually an underworld goddess... forget it. *puts his hand down*
Cassy: That's what Suethors do. They always have to twist everything to benefit their crappy characters.

It now possess enough strength to slice through a planet. Now, son of the Kusanagi....GO!!!"

Kyo, receiving the sacred weapon, dashed towards the god that loomed before him.
"AAAAAAAARGH!!"

Kyo K.: That was my reaction when I found out that I had to riff another chapter of this crap.

Izanagi coldly eyed the man that blasted towards him, and threw the body of his fallen prey aside.
"Foolish Mortals..........!!"
Kira saw Izanagi releasing Iori's body, and darted to retrieve the body that was falling into the infinite white that stretched below them.
"Iori....!!"
She thrusted her hand in front of her falling body, trying to reach for Iori, but the air they pierced through interfered with great force. Her fingers ached from the stretching, but she didn't stop. Kira glanced at the world of nothingness that opened its wide jaws at them.
"PLEASE!! Let me catch him in time.....!!!"

Sonia: *bored* You will. Oh, this fic is incredibly anti-climactic.

Her numbing fingers finally touched the motionless hand of the falling man, and Kira anxiously grabbed it. She flung herself over and grasped Iori, as the white under them firmed into the painful ground of the cave they were in moments ago. Her bare knees scraped severely on the jagged surface, but she didn't notice the pain.

Cassy: Horniness trumps pain, after all!

She heard a dull thud from behind her, but she didn't turn around. She whispered from under ther breathe.
"Warewell, Izanagi....you....we are not needed in this world......"

Kyo K.: And then the Sue turned into Dr. Light.
Cassy: Find Dr. Wahwee!
Sonia: *chuckles*

The man cringed behind her and let out a long moan, the new world that he was to create in faded into the earth. All that was left of him was a tiny stone, shimmering dully on the floor.

Sonia: Oh. It looks like Sailor Moon defeated a Droid.
Miyu: *giggles*
Tails: Huh. Looks like I was wrong. We only had to replace Chizuru when it came to Orochi's sealing. That's unfortunate.

I barely landed on the pebbled ground on my feet, and I had to scurry to catch Yuki, who was released from the barrier as the strange white dimention melted around us. The sword that victoriously slew the god fell beside me and thrusted into the ground. I slowly picked it up, and watched it melt back into my palm.
"............."

Kyo K.: Yeah, "............." is right! Why the hell are we in the first person all of a sudden?
Sonia: Because... reasons, Kyo.

I noticed Kira managed to land in one piece as well, and with Yagami.

Sonia: Unfortunately.
Cassy: Oh, so we're in Pod Kyo's point of view. Huh. *pauses* Why?!
Kyo K.: ...reasons.

With Yuki still in my arms, I limped towards them.
".....Kira........"

She didn't turn around to face me, the victor.

Cassy: You're not the Stu-ed up Iori, so of course she's not gonna pay any attention to you, dude!

"...Is he......?"
A long silence heavily draped over us . I noticed her hand clenching Iori's wrist. She just shook her head. She didn't turn around.

Kyo K.: *annoyed* Oh, for the love of flippin' toast! Yagami isn't dead! This isn't a cliffhanger! This is just stupid!

Kyo K.: Hell, no!
Cassy: *laughs* I love how Pod Kyo's thoughts were limited to that tiny ass scene, but OOCori got most of a chapter!
Sonia: Suethor's bias, Cassy. It's incredibly glaring.

--

Continue to Part Thirty
Go Back to Part Twenty-Eight
Go Back to MST 'EM: The Movie Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page