Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Twenty-Three)

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Note: Sonia, Tails, and Akiko will be the main riffers for this part.

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Chapter 23 - Imitation Crime

Sonia: And we're riffing on "Imitation Good Story".

"God damn this, how long is this pathway anyway...."
Iori cursed himself for coming up with the idea to go alone. With companions, the labor will feel less tiresome, or at least he thinks that way now.

Tails: Iori? Needing companions?
Sonia: Yeah... that just spoke for itself.

He let his coarse hand slide over the cold cave walls. (This battle's gonna be against Orochi himself...not an Orochi Warrior like Goenitz.....maybe we won't make it out alive this time around....)

Akiko: Spoiler Alert: You will! Also, why is Iori worrying about dying? I thought that he didn't fear death!
Sonia: You remember what Miyuki said about him.
Akiko: Oh, right. He's OOCori.

Suprised at the idea that unconsciencely came to mind, Iori shook his head and laughed at himself.
"Hmph, a Yagami, afraid of death?"

Sonia: Oh, now you want to think about it.
Tails: Dummy.

(But what about Kira? I haven't talked to her personally since that night at the hotel....I haven't said a word about how I feel.

Sonia: But what about the man? What about how he felt after he used her? *stares* Really? Really?
Miyu: Again, this fic did not age well.

It seems that she's assuming things and have forgiven me, but is that okay with me? With her just assuming what I think? No...I gotta tell her...gotta see her...!)

Akiko: Oh, that was so cheesy.
Tails: That was also rife with unfortunate implications. I mean, Iori laughed at Kyo when he found out that his rival had feelings for "his woman". And then he gloated about it! He could've had the chance to say something back then, and we wouldn't have to deal with this!
Akiko: Hey, it's a cheesy soap opera, Tails. Also... I thought that she easily forgave him in the chapter after that.
Sonia: Oh! You're right, Akiko. So they're just the "perfect lovers" who can never fight because they're the best couple ever. Ugh.

"Fu fufufu....."
A sudden giggle startled Iori. The voice seemed to be coming from quite a distance...or was it? It echoed everywhere, he couldn't tell.
"Who the hell is it!?"
The pathway curved generously before Iori, denying further vision. And from the curve, Kira hopped out playfully.
"K....Kira!?"
"Fufufu...ufufu..."

Tails: *looks at the title* We know it's not her. The title of this chapter is called "Imitation Crime". It's a fake.
Sonia: Also, the Sue never laughed like that. So that's another strike.

"Oh, it seems the game's already begun...."
Goenitz observed from the mirror.
"Game?"
Kira repeated, remembering Yashiro's words.

Akiko: *as Goenitz, sighs* My goodness, you are incredibly deaf.

She looked up into the mirror. The image that only showed Iori has shifted, showing Shermie approaching him with a triumphant smile. Goenitz didn't forget to notice Kira tensing up in seeing the woman.
"This is a suprise! I would've never imagined a priestess like you to fall for a murderer like him!"
"No he's not!"

Tails: *scoffs*
Sonia: Um... he kind of is a murderer. I mean, his quotes involve asking the opponent if they're scared or outright telling them to die. Then there's the fact that he beat the tar out of Billy and Eiji. Then there's the canon fact that he murdered Mature and Vice, though that was under the Riot of the Blood. Iori Yagami is not a "fluffy yum yum cutie pie cinnamon bun". He is a dangerous man, you horny idiot!

"Whoa! I see....love does become a strong source for strength...occasionally."
"......."

Akiko: She's only quiet because that's actually lust.

"But is there any guarantee for you that he feels for you as much as you do?"
"Eh?"

Tails: *mimics Kira* Eh? *normal voice* Once again, someone forgot the fact that they were used in Chapter 15...
Sonia: Excuse me. *slaps Kira* I said that I would slap someone if they answered like that.
Akiko: *as Kira* Eh?
Sonia: *pretends to slap Akiko* Oh, stop it.
Axl: Any more "Eh?"s, and my Canadian half will just take over.
Mai: You're telling me. I might as well douse myself in maple syrup while wearing flannel to complete the stereotype.

"That man we see here, Yagami, as far as I know, he had great strength within him, but has not control over it because of his mental instability. Can we think of your situation that he used you to forget his problems for a moment? I shouldn't say anything....you should find out yourself with your own eyes..."
"......."

Tails: I never thought that I'd say this... but thanks, Goenitz.

Kira could not answer because she did not know.

Akiko: I thought that you knew everything, Mary Sue! Wow, she really does lose a lot of brain cells when the plot calls for it!

Her deperate eyes searched the blurry images on the mirror for an answer. Shermie's arms tangled around Iori's neck....

"Kira....I...."
Iori fumbled with his words as Kira's thin arms folded around his neck. Her right hand slid from the neck to his lips.
"Hush...."
The hand glided down from his face to his lips as her face came alarmingly closer. Iori put his hand around Kira's curvy waist.

All: *groans*
Sonia: Look, I know that it's not the Sue herself, but that literally implied that the real Sue has "curves in all the right places".
Tails: Oh, yeah, that's definitely Mary Sue Classic right there.

"Kira...."
And she pressed her lips onto his.

"Uso (a lie)......"
Kira fell back away from the huge mirror and sat on the bed, her blood drained from her pale face. Her nails dug into her chest.

Akiko: And then she took out her heart, which revealed that she was a being made out of pure Life Fibers.

"A lie?  What is a lie, Miss Kushinada?  We just saw them, Shermie and Iori ki......"
"IT'S A LIE!!"

Tails: How can it be Shermie and Iori when Shermie's pretending to be Kira, and Iori thinks that it's Kira... *holds his head* Ow. Ow. Ow.
Sonia: Careful, Tails. You're going to break like your machine if you don't watch yourself.

(It's a lie!)
Iori looked up from the embrace, hearing a familiar voice ringing in his ears. Kira, in priestess robes stood a few feet away from them, eyes red with tears.
"Ki...ra!?"
Iori looked down at the head he was carressing. The short light hair has changed drastically in his arms, into long violet strands tied into a long pony tail.

Tails: Well, it's one ponytail that splits into two of them, actually. But I digress.

"Fufufu....a hahaha...ha ha"
"What the!?"
The other Kira grasped her hand as she staggered back from Iori.
"It's a lie!"
And the figure melted into the darkness of the cave.

Sonia: Like a delicious chocolate bar. And now I'm hungry.

"What the hell's going on!? Who are you!!?"
"Ha hahaha ha ha...!"
"Answer me, bitch!"

Akiko: Well, now she doesn't have to answer you! You should be more polite, Mr. Yagami!
Sonia: *chuckles*

Iori tried to fling his arm at her to execute a Yamibarai, but the woman casually gripped the raised hand with a shrewd smile. Sparks flew from her hand and coursed through Iori's arm like electricity.
"Gah!!"
"Yes, Yagami. The first Kira you saw was me, dressed in a mirage....

Akiko: Yeah, thanks, Dio.
Kyo L.: *laughs*

such a simple mind you have, boy, bing fooled so easily....but then again, the real Kira seems to have seen us back there."
"Mi...rage?"
"Of course. I'm Lilith. The Queen of Lightning that lurks in the Night.....Shermie the Lilith!"

Tails: Uh... it's "Shermie of the Insanely Violent Lightning".
Sonia: So that means that Raiya is her Guardian counterpart, huh? Well, that was obvious.

"What has electricity have to do with mirages?"
"Think, boy, becuase it has a LOT to do with it. How do you think sensation work anyway? Electricity course through the neurons of the nervous system, sending sensation to your brain to analyze the information. In other words, electricity controls your perception. So, showing you an optic illusion is simple for me."

Akiko: *confused* What kind of nonsense did you just pull out of your butt? I can't even do that with my own electricity!
Benimaru: And neither can I. Heck, I'm starting to make words with my own electricity now. I just don't know why I haven't done that sooner.
Akiko: Are you sure that you didn't get that idea from me?
Benimaru: Well, uh... that's a discussion for another day.

"Why did you do that for anyway?"

Sonia: And why did you ask such a blatantly stupid question?

"Hmmmm, why, you ask..."
Shermie turned around, her hand playfully toying her long hair.
"I'm just interested in seeing that girl suffer. That's all for me."

Sonia: Just you? Look, I know that you're way out of character, but I'm sure that a lot of us in this theater want to see her suffer.
Kyo L.: *rubs his hands together in glee* Yes, yes...
Sonia: See?
Tails: Unfortunately, this dramatic nonsense just turned Shermie into the jealous "murder the hypotenuse" type. And that's another common thing in Sue fics like these.
Sonia: That was in the last fic that I read, too. Haruka hated that idiot Benji because he was getting in the way of a canon lesbian couple, so she had to be thrown out of character to try to beat him up.
Akiko: *disgusted* Oh. That fic. I hated that fic.

With that, Shermie strolled back into the curb and out of Iori's view.
"!! Wait a minute! What are you...."
But he couldn't move. A huge man stood in his way. A man with silver hair and a tight choker, red jacket and thick leather gloves. Iori saw him before.
"Yo, Yagami."
"..........!?"

Tails: Are we re-re-re-introducing him or something?
Sonia: Yes.

Kira curled into a ball on the bed, holding herself closely with her shaking arms. Her body shook violently.
"This.....this is....!!"

Akiko: This is stupid. Why is she freaking out because he kissed an illusion? And she's actually falling for this!
Sonia: Oh, dear heavens. She is such an idiot.

Goenitz stared at her, grinning. (Hmph, so weak is the human psyche. Love can be a source of strength, but also a fatal weak point. I see her grip over the dragon within her loosen....)

Tails: All. Because. He kissed. An illusion. We really are watching a soap opera now.
Cassy: Oh, my god, we need popcorn for this.
Akiko: You're telling me, Cass!

"Now you see, Miss Kushinada? Humans are so egocentric and lustful creatures......."
"Chigau (that's wrong)!"
"No it's not! You just saw it with your own eyes!?"
Kira shook her head weakly as it sank into her hands. (What am I fighting for?....is everything meaningless....!?)

Sonia: Yes, it is, Zero.

A sudden pain gnawed her chest. The magatama pulsed within her.
"N, no!"
"Why don't you give it up, Miss Kushinada...you fought well. But before you were a warrior, before Orochi, you are a woman. You will never win that battle."

"uu....uAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Sonia, Tails: *stares at the screen with unamused looks*
Sonia: This is stupid.
Tails: No kidding.
Cassy, Akiko: *eating popcorn from a bag together*
Cassy: Aww, the chapter's already over! I wanted more melodrama!
Akiko: Yeah, me, too! When are we getting back to that?
Tails: Obviously in the next chapter.
Sonia: I'm just glad that I'm not going to riff that.

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