Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Twenty-Two)

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Note: Kyo L., Mai, and Rory will be your main riffers for this chapter.

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Chapter 22 - Revenge Game

Clang...clang....clang....

Rory: ...went the trolley.

The faint sounds of their shoes hitting the cold cave floor shrieked in the silence.

Mai: *confused* Their shoes were as loud as gongs?
Kyo L.: You know that this fic was never good with descriptions.

Without a word, the three fighters penetrated the cave for thirty minutes now, but their momentum was abruptly interrupted.

Rory: *snickers*
Kyo L.: Oh... *tries not to laugh* ...yeah, that's exactly what I was talking about, Mai.
Mai: I can definitely understand with Rory's snickering over there, Kyo.

The cave's long pathway forked into three passages in front of them.
"Shit..."

Kyo L.: That's how you can describe this and the last fic that Rory and I looked at.
Rory: Ugh.

"What was that for, Kira? You know the way to the Altar, right?"
"Uh, not exactly...."
Kyo felt his jaw open as he stared at Kira scratching her head.
"You mean..!?"

Kyo L.: I thought that this dumbass knew everything! What excuse does she have for this fuckup?

"This cave was thought as sacred for centuries, and it's my first time to enter it. And no documents have survived to this day on its secrets. My guess on which way to go is as good as yours."

Kyo L.: Hey, Sue. I know which way you can personally go. And it's up my a--
Rory: Yeah, thanks, Kyo.

"'Guess we should go seperately through each passage, then..."
Iori headed to the path that wound on the left. Kyo turned to the path on the right.

Rory: Oh, sure, let's go split up in this deep, dark cave! *raises his voice* Clearly, nothing bad will happen to any one of them!
Kyo L.: Yeah, if Rory the freaking ditz is saying this stuff, you're doing it all wrong.
Emi: Oh, my goodness. This is definitely a horror movie waiting to happen.
Mai: This fic is a horror movie.

"But we don't know how many Orochi fighters are here, and I'm sure we won't stand a chance against them alone. Let's come back here in an hour to see what we find."
"Be careful, you two. I bet they know we're coming after them. I wouldn't be suprised to see a trap or two in the way..."
With that Kira took the path that opened in the middle of the two paths.

Kyo L.: And the rocks fall, and everyone dies. Good riddance. *gets up, stretches* Whoo, that was a long fic!
Mai, Rory: *stares at Kyo L.*
Kyo L.: What?
Mai: *points at the seat that is next to her* Get back into your seat, Kyo...
Kyo L.: Aww, man! *sits back down*

(Damn, I bet it's been at least 30 minutes since we all split up....'guess I should be headding back to meet them again. But man, this pathway had nothing!

Mai: Just like this fic.

Hope Yagami or Kira had better luck...I just tired my self before battle...)

Rory: The heck did he do? Did he run a freaking marathon during that time?
Mai: Yes. Yes, he did.

Kyo shrugged at the dark cave that continued before him, and turned to the path he just came through to return to his companions.
"Hey, mister!"
"Sorry, kid, I'm a bit busy here....uh, wait a minute....!?"
Kyo whirled around to the sudden voice that caught him off guard.

Kyo L.: And the real Kyo wouldn't come close to acting like that. I mean, hello, he's in a cave!
Mai: It's okay, Kyo. I get regular visitors to my own hidden cave on a near daily basis.
Rory: *snickers*

A boy stood in the dim cave that was just barren moments ago. A boy with a suprisingly beautiful face.

Kyo L.: It's Chris. Next!

"You're Kusanagi Kyo, right? The champ of KoF 96?"
"Uh, yeah, that's me...."
"Wow! Then I bet everyone in the world is watching you!"
Kyo felt uneasy as the boy's eyes glittered as he approached him.
"I don't know about that, but..."
"Then, I wonder if the world will focus on me too...if I kill you?"
"!?"
"I heard you use the powers of the sun to summon your flames. Kinda serves well for the pet of Sister Bahamut....

Mai: Oh, how that statement rings true. That Kyo is indeed nothing more than a pet to that Mary Sue.

but can your flames beat mine, the keeper of true inferno?"
"! You're an Orochi, aren't you!!?"
"Call me Chris....Salamander Chris...."
The boy childishly giggled.

Mai: ...no, it's actually "Chris of the Flames of Destiny".
Axl: But I can see why he's called "Salamander Chris", though. The salamander is associated with fire in mythology.
Kyo L.: And Ruka's supposed to be his counterpart in this thing. Also fitting that they're the youngest ones in each group, too. Huh.

"A haha.....come out and play, my flames!"
"AArgh!!"
Bwhoosh!!

Rory: I think someone just died there.

(Hm, this is odd....I'm walking alone here for 30 minutes or so now, and nothing's happened....did they not expect us or something? No, I swear they know...huh?)

Rory: Why is it always thirty minutes? Why not something like seventeen minutes?
Mai: Time always has to be exact in this thing.

Kira stepped deeper into...nothing....suddenly her feet sank into the earth, it yawning right under her!
"KYAA!!!"

Kyo L.: She's dead?! Yes!
Mai: It... yawned? Just say that the stupid ground opened under her.

When Kira finally opened her heavy eye lids, her head was ringing with pain.
"Owwww..."

Kyo L.: Oh, damn it.
Mai: I never knew that this Sue was capable of feeling pain.
Rory: Especially when she kept dodging everything with no problems.

She suddenly felt soft silk fabrics shifting beneath her. A bed.
"What's going on....where am I...and why am I WEARING THESE DAMN PRIESTESS ROBES AGAIN!?"
Kira exclaimed as her eyes rolled down her own body.  With no doubt, she was in her priestess robes, that she wore when she lived in the Izumo shrines a couple of months ago. She frantically looked around the room she sat in for an explaination. Stone walls. The faint smell of damp mold. This was undoubtly inside the cave.

Mai: This is looking like a ripoff of the Black Moon arc from "Sailor Moon" now.
Miyu: No kidding. I'm just waiting for Orochi Yashiro to force a kiss on her now.

Kira noticed a woman leaning against the doorway, resting one of her long legs on the other side of the doorway and exposing her thighs. A familiar face.
"......Shermie?"
"Hmph, so the princess is finally awake."
Kira felt a chill crawling down her back. This wasn't the cheerful Shermie she knew!

Rory: Dur-hay, you big dummy!

"...who are you!?"
"What a princess you are, being caught so easily like this....eh, Kira?"
Shermie climbed onto the wide bed and sat next to Kira, studying her face closely. Her cold hand slithered across Kira's smooth cheek, and jerked suddenly, slapping Kira onto the bed.

Kyo L.: *applauds* Yes!
Rory: How hard is it to write "she slapped her"?
Mai: Immensely difficult. Also... of course her hand "slithered". Because symbology.

"What does Yashiro see in this brat that I don't have!"
Shermie got up from the bed and glared down at Kira with disgust.

Rory: Um... the ability to use the canon cast as her puppets. Might want to cut Yashiro's strings off of him when you get the chance.
Mai: Orochi Shermie is incredibly out of character. She would never think about love or anything like that. All she cared about was everything and everyone dying for Orochi. That was it.

"What the hell are you doing, Shermie!?"
"! Ya, Yashiro!"
Kira got on her elbow to get up, holding her aching head.

Mai: Over a slap?
Kyo L.: We had all this shilling over this goddamn Sue being powerful, and yet... a fucking slap hurts her even more. Is she made of glass?
Rory: Well, yeah. You remember that this fic kept saying that she was "frail".

A tall man stood at the doorway, arms crossed.
"Ya....Ya..shi......ro? Nana...ka..se.....Ya..shiro..."
"I told you we were going to begin the project when the princess awakens. Now, go!"
"...Yes."
Shermie turned back and glared at Kira one last time, and disappeared out of the doorway. Yashiro remained at the doorway, watching Kira getting up from the bed.
"Heh, I should've known you were of Orochi blood, Yashiro....."

Kyo L.: Yeah, you should've known when you shook his hand before you fought him in KOF, you fuckin' dumbass!
Mai: For someone who is supposed to be quick witted, she instantly turns into a giant moron when the plot asks for it.

"Guess so. But we just didn't know either until a couple of days ago. And you felt our awakening, didn't you?"
Kira didn't answer, but instead stared at Yashiro coldly.

Rory: I guess that counts as a "yes"!

"What do you want from me?!"

Kyo L.: He wants your loins.

"Of course, I want you to join us."
"Too bad....I'm here to stop your plans of resurrecting the Orochi."
"Such a futile goal."
"But I will fulfill it, no matter what."
"Hmph....such strong determination burn in your eyes....."
(and it was those eyes that drew me to you from the beginning....) Yashiro smiled arrogantly as he stepped towards Kira.

Rory: Can I puke now?
Jayleen: You will not empty the contents of your stomach onto my floor, Hancock. You will use a sick bag like every other civilized being that walks into this house.
Rory: *as he gets out a barf bag* Uh... I have one...
Jayleen: Thank you.

"Now I finally got you...."
"!??"
Kira's voice shuddered in the back of her throat as she felt Yashiro's lips pressing on her own, forcefully.

All: *groans*
Miyu: I knew it.
Rory: *makes a face* I really do not want to hurl. It's the worst feeling in the world.

"WHY YOU....!!"
Kira instinctly hurled her open hand towards Yashiro's face to slap him, but he easily avoided it by grabbing her wrist.

Kyo L.: And then this happens! She's conveniently weak when the plot asks for it!

"You might have a couple of magatamas in your body, but you still won't be able to beat me, who's fully awaken to the Orochi blood."
The grip on her wrist tighten.
"Ow...!"
"Don't worry, I don't mean to harm you yet.

Rory: *confused* But... you did harm her.
Kyo L.: I wish he'd break it, but she's "important" for the screwed up Orochi crap that's supposed to happen later.

Just chill in this room while we do our job."
Kira rubbed her wrist, after it was finally released. Her eyes gleamed, staring at Yashiro as he turned from her and towards the doorway.
"What are you trying to do!?"
"This is a game, you see..."

Rory: *with a megaphone* We have another title drop, ladies and gentlemen!

And he left. Kira followed his figure until it disappeared from her sight. She rubbed her lips with the back of her hand again and again. (A game!?.....They're only thinking of us as toys!

Mai: Once again, it's only okay until you're being used. Hypocrite.

.....If I remeber right, he has a grudge against Iori....) Her eyes widened at the thought.
"Iori's in trouble!!"

Rory: Super Sue to the rescue!
Kyo L.: That Sue? Actually rescuing someone? Ha!

Kira pulled up the long hems of her robe as she tried to run out of a door. But her path was blocked by a man. A blond, mature man with a beird. She never met him, but felt strangely familiar.
"Well, well, leaving so soon? Such a fast temper you must have...."

Kyo L.: *as Goenitz* Was the fish a bit too overcooked for your tastes?

"Who are you!?"
"Wibarn.....Goenitz of the Winds....pleased to meet you, Princess Bahamut....."

Mai: So that means... that Fubuki is Goenitz's counterpart.
Kyo L.: Ew, no! Well, you're right, but... ew! At least Goenitz's personality didn't make me want to smack him with Amy's hammer!

"Get out of my way!!"
"Calm down, child. Your friends will be okay for a while."
Kira felt her stomach turn at his teasing smile.

Rory: Well, you've made our stomachs turn for most of this fic, Sue. And you almost made me lose my lunch, so enjoy our pain.

".....So you're the one that manipulated Yashiro?"
"You're bright, aren't you? Indeed I did.  Their powers are necessary in the resurrection ceremony of my Lord Orochi. And so are you."

Mai: I certainly hope that Goenitz was being sarcastic when he called that idiotic Sue "bright". Either that or it's even more symbolism because of her Sue powers.

"What do you want of me?"
Goenitz gazed into her clear blue eyes, as if to study her own soul.
"Magnificent.....you still have your conscience after abosorbing several magatamas....You are the 'Chalice (meaning "container")' I have been searching for..."

Kyo L.: We know what a chalice is, you hack. Stop leading us to the train tracks.

"Ch...chalice?"

Mai: *as Goenitz* My goodness. You're incredibly deaf, aren't you?

"The magatama is a powerful poison for normal humans, but one is the limit for even an Orochi decendant to tolerate. If more than one magatama is absorbed, even an Orochi decendant will lose control over the overwhelming power."
"I never heard of this.....but I...."

Kyo L.: Bullshit! You were running around with all of those trinkets in your own body, and now you're trying to act humble? *mimics Kira* Oh, I didn't know-- *normal voice* Don't play us like we're fucking idiots, you disease ridden Mary Sue!

"Yes, you, decendant of Queen Himiko! You are with the magatama of Vice and Mature's Livaiathan, Yamazaki's Vasilysk, your own Bahamut, and presumably Leona's Naga, and are still sane.

Rory: She's not sane at all. We've read everything up to this point, and half of us want to throw her into the Sun!
Mai: Are you sure that it's half of us, Rory?
Rory: *scratches his head* Well, I know that I don't want to do it.

Did your teachings here teach you, Miss Kushinada, that the mighty soul of my Lord Orochi sleeps in one of us, the Eight Orochi Warrior?"
Kira stared at Goenitz.
".....are you saying that is me?"
"Not yet. But either way, something psychological is allowing you to maintain your sanity.

Kyo L.: Yeah, and it's called "Mary Sue Bullshit".

Such a magnificent soul indeed! But I sense that it's not your training as a priestess that is keeping you so mentally strong....."
Goenitz rubbed his beird as he studied Kira, who was too entangled in her how thoughts.

Rory: ...what Kyo said. It's Mary Sue BS.
Mai: Wait... she's thinking?
Kyo L.: First time for everything, Mai.

"....I...I'm the embodiment of the Orochi...? Then it is I that will be fighting against...Kyo and Iori....?"

Rory: Uh, no to the first one, yes to the second.
Mai: Of course. That would require her to be defeated, and we all know that you can't defeat a Mary Sue in a bad fanfic.

"Speaking of Kyo and Iori, I'm getting a bit concerned about them. Let's see what they're up to..."
"'See'...??"
Goenitz stepped into the room and towards a huge mirror on the wall. The mirror, ornate with etched motifs all around its frame, was almost as big as the wall it hung from.
"This mirror here is called the 'Maiden's tear', you see, Miss Kushinada. It's said to be that the tears of the sacrificed maidens of 1800 years were crystallized to create it. It has some magical and entertaining powers...now, look at it closely...."

Rory: Oh, please! You got that thing out of "Snow White" and renamed it!

Kira cautiously approached the mirror. Goenitz smiled at her again, and waved his hand over the smooth surface of the mirror. The image that reflected on the mirror of the two merged into one figure.
"That is.....Iori...?"

Mai: ...how do you not know what Iori looks like? You know what, I refuse to accept this cretin as the heroine of this incredibly half-baked story.
Kyo L.: Well, if it'll make you feel better, we only have eight main chapters and the epilogue of this half-baked story left.
Rory: And the afterword. Don't forget that.
Kyo L.: Oh. Right.

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