Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Twenty-Four)

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Note: Benimaru, Axl, and James will mainly tackle this chapter.

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Chapter 24 - Virtual Insanity

Axl: So... that just described our mindsets while we were reading this fic.

"AAAA!!!"

Axl: That, too.

Fubuki jerked up in a puddle of his own sweat. It didn't take long to feel the intense pain that coursed through him like electricity.

James: Wow, Kyo. You must've hit him a lot harder than you did.
Kyo L.: *sarcastically* Oops.

He looked down at himself, in unfamiliar pajamas. Thin strips of white bandages trapped his presumably broken left arm in its tight clutches as it hung from a neck by a scarf. A sweet breeze gently rustled his heavy silver bangs that covered his drenched forehead, also wrapped in bandages.

Benimaru: And remember, he's incredibly attractive.
Sonia: ...after what he said to Shermie? No. No, he's not.

"Yo, you're finally awake, leader?"
A very familiar voice sang from the bed next to his, as Fubuki looked up. Raiya was in a very similar position, almost strapped to the bed, but still had his carefree smile and glittering eyes.

Axl: Wow, he's still smiling after he's injured?
Akiko: Now I want to fight the guy once he gets over his injuries! That would be such a fun battle!

"Wha...?"
"I'm just glad to know that we're all alive and well, then."
Shizuku slumped back into her pile of pillows, unable to sit straight for a long time to greet her awaken friend. Itsuki waved his hand at the remark from the bed across the room from her.
"WELL!!? You call this well? Man, even a good looking guy like me don't look so hot in these white pieces of cloth! Damn, this is pathetic....!"

Benimaru: *raises a hand* I would feel the same way.

"Where are we?"
"The TU Med Center in Meguro, Tokyo. Chizuru san has some highschool friends that are doctors, so she sent us here."
Hotaru answered from the bed across the room from Fubuki. On the tiny desk next to her bed was a statuette of a lizard-man, presumably from her teammate Shingo.

Emi: It definitely is from Shingo.
Kyo K.: Who the heck else would have figurines besides him?
James: Also, why weren't the flunkies being sent to a place that had the best doctors in the area? No, they had to be sent to that hospital because Chizuru had friends there. Do those friends perform surgery with knives and forks?
Axl: That's like me sending anyone to LeMaire Medical. Kyo being my best friend doesn't mean that I should be sending people over there!

Raiya scratched his nose.
"But man, being in here for three weeks is kinda boring!"
Ruka rolled in his bed to face Raiya and stuck out his tongue childishly.
"Well, the food they serve here's pretty good, so I'm not complaining!"

Axl: A hospital that serves edible food? Next thing you're going to tell me is that there's good airplane food!

Looking at his friends in good spirit, Fubuki couldn't stop himself from smiling, but then dimmed in thought.
"We're alive....aftet merging with the energy as Guardians, we're still alive....do you all understand what this means?"
"Eh?"

Axl: *sings* O Canada... our home and native land...
James: Eh? *mutters* Jesus Christ, everyone answers like that in this bloody fic.

"I mean, I'm more than happy that we're all alive...I thought we're were supposed to die when we become dragons, but this is too strange....this can only mean one thing...the flow of energy was already shifting when we merged with it."
"That could only mean...!?"
Shizuku gasped as her twin brother sank his fist into the matress.

Benimaru: You accidentally messed up. Whoops.
James: So they were supposed to die? Oh, come on, Suethors can never kill off their own characters, no matter what it is.

"Damn, we were too late!"
(Never thought of it...) Raiya and Ruka scratched their heads, embarrassed at their ignorance. Fubuki stared out the window.
"Kira....!? What's going on?"

Axl: More melodrama. That's what's going on.

Click, click, click...

The two sets of footsteps echoed in the chambers deep within the cave. Shermie walked hastely as she dragged a girl behind her, pulling her by her short sienna hair.

James: Jesus, just say "brown", for fuck's sake.

Her highschool uniform was torn all over and soiled.

Benimaru: Uh-oh, it's Yuki. And wait... we didn't get a description on how she was captured!
Axl: She's not the Sue, Beni. You know that.

"N...no!! Please, let me go!!"
"Hmph, what a lousy brat.......maybe I should slit your throat right here to shut your little mouth?"
Shermie licked her crimson lips as she shoved her long nails on the delicate skin of the girl's throat. A thin stream of blood silently ran from where the nails touched. The girl's face turned pale and her eyes wondered over Shermie's face, which smiled wickedly from behind her heavy bangs.

Axl: I think I've read that hentai before.

"....!!"
"What is all this commotion about?"
Goenitz stepped out from a chamber, which Shermie was heading towards, with annoyance caked on his brows.

Benimaru: *confused* Huh? What?
James: "Annoyance caked on his brows"? Just say that he had an annoyed expression.
Jessie: You're feeling my pain, aren't you?
James: Definitely.

"Ah, Master Goenitz! Well, I was thinking if the 'Awakening' of the little princess fails, we could maybe finish the sacrificial ceremony to...."
Being relieved from being dragged, the girl staggered onto her knees and peered into the room the man came out of. A familiar figure crouched on the floor, seemingly in great pain.
"...!? Kira san!? H, help me!"
The girl weakly reached for Kira, but was pulled back by Shermie's merciless grip on her scalp. A ring of light burst from under Kira's feet and enveloped her. Shermie stared at her calmly.
"'Guess I didn't need to worry."
"I believe so, dear....now our Queen awakens!!"

Axl: You know that we have a huge canon error, right? The Sue's supposed to be Kushinada, right? So this just means that Yuki's capture didn't need to be here at all!
Benimaru: Maybe this is just an excuse for the Sue to make sure that Yuki and Kyo remain as a couple.
James: Then what's the point if the Kyo in this fic doesn't even care about Yuki and spent all of his time chasing after the Sue? Yuki's just a hand-me-down in this fic!
Benimaru: *rubs his forehead, sighs* That's just as bad...

Iori felt his back sink heavily into the cave walls as Yashiro's arm, digging into his windpipe, pushed his body even deeper. The wall gave way, and Iori was more than glad to be released from the pressure.

Axl: So... he should be dead. Then again, this is KOF, so who the heck am I to judge?

The two fighters landed in a spacious room, the humidity revealing its depths within the earth.
"What is this place...!?"
Iori coughed and rubbed his neck as he looked around the room.

James: Uh... I'm going to say... another part of that big arse cave.

His eyes froze seeing great pillars shaped as dragons surrounding a tall altar at the center. An altar covered with blood.
"Seems you got the idea, " Yashiro smirked. "Yeah, this is the 'Altar of the Dragon'. Pretty good for your grave post."
"...what do you want from me anyway!?"
Iori remained crouched on the floor, ready to spring into action any minute. But Yashiro didn't budge, rather, he stared coldly at his enemy.
"With out you, I can have everything I wanted. Fame, money, even your woman."
"......What the HELL did you do with Kira!?"
Yashiro smiled at the sudden change of tone in Iori's voice.
"Nothing.....yet."
"YOU SON OF A....!!"

Graa!!

Benimaru: Oh, so he's a son of a "graa". Okay, then.
Axl: What's a "graa"?
James: That's just the sound that I make when I'm trying to strangle myself so I don't have to read another word of this fic.
Benimaru: Also... why is this sounding like Kyo fighting Kusanagi? *as Kusanagi* I made her scream, Kyo. She enjoyed everything, Kyo.
Kyo K.: Oh, cut it out, Beni!
Axl: And this is stupid. Again, all of the Heavenly Kings only cared about sacrificing everyone. They didn't have time to think about fame, money, or who was gonna bonk whom. They weren't moustache twilrling idiots, for crying out loud.

Another explosion ripped open the walls of the room not far from the two. A sea of fire gushed in from the fresh hole, and something that was thrown out from the explosion hit Iori, who was running towards Yashiro. Again, Iori was pushed to the ground.
"Guh!!"
"Ya....Yagami!!?"
Kyo pulled himself off of Iori hurrily (afterall, who would want to be that close with a person of the same sex that normally want to kill you?).

James: Suethor... I'm going to be kind here. *clears his throat* Shut the fuck up.
Kyo L.: *laughs*
Axl: Oh, that author's note was a very classless and unsubtle jab to the fans who like to ship Kyo and Iori together there. It's like... less of a jab and more like upercutting them into the spikes in the Kombat Tomb.
James: Also, that hack shouldn't be saying anything, considering that the "official" coupling in this fic is a whiny OOCori and that stupid Mary Sue of hers.
Benimaru: So... she just basically said... "Ew, two guys together is gross! Look, my ideal pairing is much better!"
Axl: Yeah. This fic really didn't age well. I know that Kyo and Iori hate each other, but at least they have much better chemistry than Fake Iori and that Sue! I mean, it's fine if you don't want to pair them romantically, but jeez, don't be an asshole about it!

Indeed, it was Kyo who was hurled from out of the impact of the flames. His clothes were burnt in various places and stains of blood could be seen as well.

Benimaru: We missed you, blood packs.

"You haven't settled your case yet, Chris?"
Yashiro called at the hole, where a boy popped his head from the hole in the wall.
"Hi, Yashiro! Well, he's a bit stubborn than I thought he'd be."

Axl: It's Kyo. I know that he has a brain that's the size of a thimble in this fic, but he's still Kyo!

"Looks like it. But it seems like we can have fun together now...."
Yashiro smiled as the boy trotted to his side, and they faced the two fighters on the ground.
"D, damn!"
Kyo got on his feet and raised his fists before him in a fighting stance. To his suprise, Kyo caught a glimpse of Iori doing the same, beside him.
"Eh?"
"When they come running into us, we're gotta counter their attack somehow."
"Yagami...you're...fighing with me...?"
"........"

James: *as Iori* This idiot cannot be my rival...
Benimaru: I have no idea why he's surprised. Iori's always saying that he should be the only one who can kill Kyo. He even said that in '96 when they faced off against Goenitz.

Iori didn't look at Kyo, but stared straight at the approaching danger.
"It's better than losing."
"Namaiki na (How annoying)...."
Yashiro spat onto the floor.

"ENOUGH!!"
A sudden roar interupted the battle.

Axl: *confused* But... the battle didn't even start.
Akiko: We could've had a fight and it gets interrupted?! Lame! *boos*
Cassy: *laughs*

Seeing the two Orochi fighters looking up at the altar, Kyo and Iori did the same.
"Yashiro, Chris, are you to stain this holy ground with tainted blood?"
The silent female voice from the altar boomed again, as the two knelt on their knees in a salute. Shermie and Goenitz stood on the altar escorting a beautiful woman in tight leather clothes and boots.

James: Wank, wank, wank... fuckin' hell.
Axl: We can't have one moment without this fic shilling her "beauty". Jesus.

Her hair was short, but cleanly cropped at her ears, and her eyes blazed a vibrant scarlet.

Axl: Just say "red". Jesus.

In her left hand she held a magnificent staff shaped like an arrow, and in the other she held an unconcience girl, her torn sailor uniform hung miserably from her frail body. Kyo's heart sank at the sight.
"Yu...Yuki!!"
"Hm, Kusanagi and Yagami, I see....so all of the fated ones are here at the Altar."

Benimaru: Except for Chizuru. But then again, she was thrown under the bus.

Kyo clenched his fist at the woman.
"Who the HELL are you!? "

Axl: A Mary Sue.

"Kira!"

Axl: Exactly. A Mary Sue.

Kyo stopped at the sudden name Iori called. He looked around, but didn't find the girl he knew. He glanced back at the alter. Her hair was slightly longer than before, but her facial features were unmistakable. Kyo felt his stomach churn as he stared weakly as the woman flashed a twisted grin, showing her fangs.

James: Oh, we've been throwing up long before this.
Benimaru: Oh, great. Now the Sue's turned into a vampire!

"Indeed, I was called by that name before..."
Yashiro rose to his feet and faced the confused two.
"Yes, that is Kushinada Kira, your precious little princess....but she has fully awaken to her Orochi blood to reign as our Queen."
Goenitz laughed hysterically from the heights of the altar.
"Fools!! You are in the presence of the awaken Orochi Queen Himiko!!"
"Wh, what!?"

Benimaru: And this is probably the only time where someone being surprised actually makes sense.
James: This is like the Mary Sue version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde here.
Axl: Or a worse version of Sailor Moon. Seriously? The princess awakens to her true form and all of that? Yeah, this needs to stop.

Though he had a sense of this desperate situation moments ago, but Kyo still couldn't believe his ears. He only could look up at his girlfriend and child hood friend high above him with rounded eyes.

All: She is not your childhood friend!
James: To quote Manic... "Uh... meeting someone once, not keeping any sort of contact with them, and then reuniting with them fifteen years later... is not what "an old friend" means."

The red eyes beamed back down at him.
"Hmph, traitors.....I will punish them myself. Shermie, take this, and don't harm her yet."
"Huh? But wouldn't it be faster if we just start with the sacrifi...?"
Shermie stopped in the middle of her sentence as she felt Himiko's eyes pierce through her.

Benimaru: Uh-oh. You used logic on a Mary Sue. You're not supposed to do that.

"You dare question my orders, Lilith?"
"O, of course not, your Highness!!"
Shermie bowed deeply and hurrily took Yuki into her own arms again.
"And if you even bruise that girl, I will you offer you to Lord Orochi before her!"

Axl: Uh... that woudn't be a punishment. They're supposed to sacrifice themselves to Orochi, so that's actually a privilege to them.

With that, Himiko jumped off the altar, that loomed over the ground at 100 feet, and landed lightly on the ground.

James: Showoff. Nobody lands lightly at a hundred damn feet. I don't care if this is a KOF fanfic.

"Yashiro, Chris, keep out of this 'game', as you said earlier. They're my prey now."
"Yes, Queen!"
And the two leaped onto the Altar with equal ease.

Benimaru: Sonic, did you leave the yellow or red springs out for them?
Sonic: Red ones. You need to catch every inch of air.

Seeing her even closely, Kyo couldn't deny now that this was the girl that he knew.
"Kira...."
"Fufufu....come to think of it, we have a fate to settle from 1800 year ago, eh, Kusanagi, Yagami?"
(I didn't want to be tied down by the heavy burden of the clan......) Kira's sad smile flashed in Iori's mind. That night when he first went to her apartment room....

James: ...and the Suethor shilled her because she can go against her destiny while Iori just whined about it...

"I see...."
Iori whispered calmly as he fell back into a fighting stance. Kyo shook his head in disbelief.
"Ya, Yagami..!!? You not going to...!?"
"Kira's wish was to obstruct the ressurection of the Orochi. This new entity of hers...she wouldn't bear being in that state, controlled by her old blood. I don't want to see her like that either."
"Can you do that, Yagami?"
Himiko mocked Iori as she thrusted the staff into the ground and out of her way for battle.
"Raku ni shite yaru (I'll end this easy for you)....."

Axl: Yeah, okay. You two aren't going to touch that Sue at all. This is going to be boring.
Benimaru: You're telling us.

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