Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Nineteen)

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Note: Your main riffers for this chapter are Manic, Kyo L., and Tails.

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Chapter 19 - Tomorrow Meets Revolution!!

Kyo L.: Can I lead my own revolution by getting a guillotine so we can try to get the Sue's head chopped off?

Terry looked up at the high ceiling of the cave, turned back to see the entrance so far behind, and stared at the marbled sandstone walls again.
"Didn't know there's a cave like this under the Grand Canyon...."
"Heh, hard to believe, isn't it? The Colorado River usually blocks the entrance so no one can enter this sanctuary, you see. Hang on, we're almost at the shrine....."
Itsuki answered with a muffled voice from the cigarette stuck between his lips. Blue Mary, trotting close by him, coughed from the smoke in nuiance.

Manic: Why... are we... in America?
Tails: I have no idea. Then again, the canon Orochi legend's been stretched, anyway. I mean, a French woman's one of the Four Heavenly Kings, and Orochi's vessel is a boy from Sweden. *shrugs*

Ktsu..n      ktsu...n

The sound of their shoes hitting the solid floor echoed in the long tunnel. Kim stared at the strange patches of light that glowed on the walls and ceiling, and leaned forward at one of them for a closer look.
"Oh, that's glowing moss, Kim san. Looks kinda pretty, huh? They grow only in dark places with clear water and air. But don't get too close to them, they're poisonous."
Itsuki warned his companion, though he didn't look back.

Manic: Ah, so we found what created Kathryn!
Sonic: Jeez, bro. I forgot about the glowing fungus that made her.
Sonia: No wonder we keep getting Mary Sues and Gary Stus.
Amy: As horrible as my so-called sister was, she's now competely insignificant compared to people like that Sue Kira and that Stu Benji.

Kim jerked back from the fuzzy glow and laughed blankly at himself. Terry chuckled at the sight.
"But this is a strange place.....it seems so quiet and strangely holy..."

Kyo L.: Yeah, it's full of holy shit.
Manic: *laughs*

The Kagura office a couple of days ago. That strange girl named Kira was explaining the details of this bizzare mission to those who were willing to participate.

Tails: *crosses out "strange girl", writes "giant Mary Sue" above it* There. It's fixed.
Kyo L.: Great. Just what we needed. A stupid flashback. Wasn't this mission being explained in the last chapter?
Manic: Yeah, but we apparently needed more details.
Kyo L.: Well, why the hell didn't the Suethor put this in the last chapter?
Tails: You're using logic, Kyo.

"You will have to break up into teams of 2~3 and go to the shrines with a Guardian. I don't care if you go in your original teams or switch partners around as long as we have 7 groups.

Tails: Defeat eight guardians... but go into seven different groups. Okay. *confused* Yeah, that makes sense!
Kyo L.: Sue's so dumb that she can't even count to eight. Wow.
Manic: I'm with Akiko; maybe someone is guarding two shrines.

In the shrine the Guardian will merge with the crystalized energy and transform into a dragon. Please defeat the dragon at any cost."

Manic: ...never mind. Now we're back to the "she can't count to eight" thing. Forget it.

"A~ndy!"
That high-pitched voice. It's gotta be Mai.

Kyo L.: And thanks for holding my hand, Stephenie!

She jumped onto Andy and curled her arms around his.
"We're teaming up this time!"
"Huh!? Well, I guess that's fine, but...."
"Honto (really)!? Great!!"
Andy scratched his head watching Mai hopping around him with joy. A firm hand grasped both of them on the shoulders.
"Fine, fine!  I guess the team editting of this team's done!"
"What!?"
Mai's jaws dropped. It was Joe, with his trademark smile glued to his suntanned face.

Tails: Wow, everything's either plastered or glued to someone's face.
Manic: Yeah, this was that time where everyone thought that purple prose was going to work. It just looks dumb now.

"Y, you're coming with us!?"
"What, you're leaving me out of the fun, pal?"
With an impossible-to-hide disappointment, Mai's cheeks puffed.
"Well, it's fine with me, bud, but what about bro?"
Noticing himself mentioned, Terry stepped into the conversation.
"Oh, don't worry about me. I'll team up with someone el...."
Terry felt a sudden tug on his arm.
"You're teaming with me, handsome boy!"
"M, Mary!?"
"I needed a team mate, too, you see. Yamazaki's been missing for a couple of days now, and Billy's in a state of shock it seems, seeing his staff burn up like that. So, what do you say, Terry?"

Kyo L.: Granted, Yamazaki's a friggin' criminal, but... he's also part of the tournament. And nobody's going to bother to look for him?
Tails: And Billy does enter a cowardly state when he throws his staff after he executes a certain move. It was only shown in the first Fatal Fury game. But of course, we all know that he was only pulled out of this fic because he dared to fight the Mary Sue and hurt her "one true love". And anyone who does that is instantly "wrong".
Kyo L.: Well, to be fair, Iori would've kicked his ass again. And you know what else is stupid?
Manic: What?
Kyo L.: Billy's staff can let out fire. So why the hell is he freaked out over fire?
Tails: Uh...
Manic: It's Mary Sue fire, Kyo.
Tails: What Manic said. Also, the Sue humiliated Billy. Maybe the Suethor doesn't like him. And you all know that everyone who tried to call out the Sue in this fic was humiliated, right?
Manic: Old Suethor tactic, Tails. They always bash the characters who actually use their brains.

Andy answered instead of his burning-red brother who was scratching the head of his nose.
"That's great. Take care of that thug from me, Blue Mary."
"Sure!"
".......Sorry to barge in, but can I join your team too?"
Kim interrupted them with a stern face.

Manic: Oh, my god, why is even here? It's just useless filler, man! It's all, "Hey, can I join your team?" This is the whole friggin' flashback!
Kyo L.: And that's why I hate flashbacks so damn much.

"Of course, Kim, but what about Chang and Choi?"
Kim said nothing, but just gestured to look behind him. Mary leaned sideways to see what he was pointing at. Chang and Choi were both tied to a pillar in the center of the room with Chang's huge iron ball and its massive chains.
"Arrgh! We wanna go and get wild too~!!"
"Wh, why can't we go too, Masta Kim!?"
"Silence! How can I take men like you who're shouting 'kill' and 'tear apart' and such foul language to such a sacred battle!?"
Seeing his 'students' pout and whine, Kim could only shake his head and sigh.

Tails: ...there's nothing sacred about this canon wrecking.
Manic: Though that scene would actually happen.
Kyo L.: I would give some brownie points, but I'd snatch them right back.

"Ho ho, I guess I'll watch over these two for you then."
Chin strolled by, lighting his long pipe. Athena whirled around in amazement.
"What, you're not going either, Master!?"
"Hm, all this fighting is making me a bit tired, child. An old wretch like me should leave the heavy work to youngsters like you."
"Master's not going?.......Which means this journey's gonne be just me and Athena...."
"AND a Guardian! Mou, Kensou! Don't get any strange ideas!"
"OW!!"
Kensou cringed at the sharp pain that pierced his foot. It was Athena's heels.

Kyo L.: And that's where I would've snatched the brownie points back.
Athena: *pouts* Oh, come on! I'm not like that!
Tails: Oh, wonderful. Athena's out of character again. She would never abuse Kensou like that.
Manic: That Suethor bias is at work again.

"Besides, leaving these two behind with no one to watch after them will make you lose your concentration on the fight, eh, Kim?"
"Thank you, Mister Chin."

Kyo L.: Yeah, Manic's right. What was the point of this damn scene? It was just people teaming up! This whole scene should've been cut out!

Mary tugged at Terry's T-shirt sleeve.
"Hm?"
"Let's come here together again. Just the two of us, OK?"
Terry felt his face turn disturbingly red again.
"....if we can get out of this alive, sure."

Manic: Yeah, nothing's more romantic than dealing with Orochi!

"Sorry to interupt you two lovebirds back there," Itsuki chuckled as he turned back "but we're here."

The narrow passage suddenly widened into a spacious room, seemingly carved out of the earth itself. The red and black bands of the walls showed the magnificent beauty of the natural rock the room was nestled in. In the center of the 'shrine' was a massive rock that thrusted out of the floor, with umber and seinna streaks in it. A thin hole was drilled directly above the stone, and a transparent beam of light splashed onto the smooth surface.

Kyo L.: *annoyed* Just say that it was a fucking cavern! Jesus fucking Christ! We don't need that many sentences describing what a cavern is!
Manic: *cracks up*
Tails: Well, to be fair, it's not too bad. It's actually a proper description.
Manic: He's always had a low tolerance level.

Blue Mary walked up to the stone and gazed at it in amazement.
"Is this tiger-eye?  What a beautiful piece....."
"'Guess this is the crystalized Orochi energy Kira was talking about?"
Itsuki smiled at Terry's question.
"Yup. Well, there's not much to marvel about here. Let's get this over with."
"That's fine with me."
Kim popped his knuckles.

Kyo L.: That sounds more like something that Terry would do, not Kim.

Itsuki silently rested his left hand on the huge stone and closed his eyes. It seemed like his body glowed just from the contact with the overflowing energy from the rock.
"The soul of the great Serpent that sleeps in the Earth, answer to my call. Show your strength through my body. In the name of the Guardian, Rise now, spirit of Midgard!"

Manic: *excited* Are we gonna watch a Thor movie now?
Kyo L.: You wish that you were watching one.
Axl: Also, you all know that Midgard is based off of Norse mythology, thanks to Manic's excitement there. So now we have Norse, Greek, and Arabian mythology, with stuff from the Bible... mixed in with Japanese mythology. Suethor. Stop. Please. This is terrible! You cannot tell me that you know the Orochi myth in this universe while mangling it up!
Tails: ...she does, Axl. There are files on her archived webpage that talk about the actual Orochi myth and the KOF Orochi myth.
Manic, Kyo L., Axl: ...
Manic: ...what...?
Axl: *facepalms* Shoot me.

Streaks of light exploded from the stone as it crumbled under Itsuki's words. The shower of stone enveloped Itsuki completely, and as the debre was about to settle, a long amber thing slithered from the pile of rocks.

Tails: *confused* You were too lazy to describe what it was, so it's just a "long amber thing". *sighs* Oh, the laziness is astounding.

A huge serpent covered with golded scales loomed over the astonished trio.
"Wh, what the....!?"

Manic: And then we have to cut it off because suspense isn't a thing in this fanfic.

"What the HELL is that!?"
Joe shouted with round eyes.
A huge serpent draped of royal blue scales slowly slithered out of the fountain in the center of the shrine situated just under the Parthenon.

Axl: ...so they're in Greece. Know what else is ironic? The Parthenon was dedicated to the goddess Athena.
Tails: And there's the fact that Princess Athena was inspired by said goddess... and the Athena who's with us is...
Athena: Yes, it's said that I'm a descendant of her.
Kyo L.: Oh, the delicious irony. Suethor really didn't think this stuff through.

The water that poured from the walls like a curtain all shivered in the presence of its master. The Liviathan has finally awaken.
"The....huge clump of sapphire disappeared too!"
"Then that's Shizuku!? She merged with the energy of water to transform herself into that!!?"

Kwaaaaw...!!

Manic: Oh, so she turned into a crow. Okay, then.

The dragon bellowed as if to answer to its former name. With the shriek, the curtain of water behind the serpent distorted severely, and splashed towards the fighters. Mai tried to brace herself from the impact with her paper fans.
"Kyah!"
"Hurricane Upper!"
The sudden current of wind hit the bullets of water and dispersed its momentum.
"Now it's my turn! Kachosen!!"
Streaks of flames followed the fans as they soared towards the great dragon. But before the fans got near the huge body, a wall of water roared in front of it, blocking the devine beast from the flames.
"No way!"
"'Seems like we need to try harder....!!"

Tails: Maybe you can try not using fire against a water dragon...?

Rmbl,blblblblbl.......

The walls shook violently as the huge Salamander roared from its slumber.

Axl: Salamander? That's yanked from... Medieval Europe. Oh, my god. This is some serious chop-suey mythology.
Manic: Did the Sue just send the fighters to a chase around the world or something?
Kyo L.: Anything to get 'em out of the way so she can hump Iori in private.

"Like, oh my god!!"
Yuri shouted as she stumbled onto her back from the instable floor.
"Look at its scales, Yuri! It's exactly like that big-ass rock that looked like a ruby!....is this Ruka!!?"
"I didn't hear anything about fighting a monster!

Tails: *makes a face* ...weren't you all told that you had to fight a Guardian who would transform into a dragon? In the last chapter?
Manic: *sighs* Yes, they were.
Tails: These people are dumb.
Manic: No kidding.

Who's idea was it to have brother and King san go together in a different group anyway!?"
"That was you, if I recalled...."
Robert mumbled beneath his breath, but dared to say it any louder.
"This is impossible!  We're gonna fight this thing!?"
"You can't say that before we even try!"
The massive Salamader, ignorant of his opponent's panic, breathed out a huge wave of flames which poured Yuri, still slumped on the floor.

Kyo L.: *bored* Well, that's poetic, isn't it?

"Iyaaa~!! (no)"
"Muen shippu, judan kyaku!!"
From the impact of Robert's blow, the Salamander's face made an abrupt turn and barely missed poor Yuri.
"C'mon, Yuri!  Let's go!!"
"Uh, O, OK!"

Kyo L.: Can I get out of riffing this chapter?
Manic: Unfortunately, you can't.

"My God, Raiya....!!?"
King's eyes tried to follow the flight of what was Raiya. Its massive wings hurled it silver body into the air as it loomed over its victims.
"This is the dragon that girl was saying!? The true form of the Guardian.....I didn't know Lilith was a dragon, though..."

Manic, Kyo L., Tails: Axl?
Axl: Lilith's mainly from Jewish mythology. This is no longer mythology chop-suey. Now it's just a mythology clusterfuck.

"Quit making the observations, Ryo! Damn, this is why I didn't want to enter KoF this year!"
King was obviously losing her calm, a first sight for Ryo.
"Nothing's gonna change just by compaining, King. We gotta try!"
"I guess you're right. Iku yo (Here I go)!!"
With that, Ryo began to dash at the heavy dragon.
"Venom Strike!"
King's energy projectile flew past Ryo and towards the suprised Lilith. But the serpent opened its great jaws and created a ball of energy of its own in its mouth. King's venom strike was simply absorbed into the dragon's mouth!
"What the!!?"
"It made a ball of light and 'ate' Venom Strike!?"

Kyo L.: *bored* Of course it did. Might as well start doing your super techniques and call it a day.

Kweeeh....!!

A huge tsunami followed the Liviathan's shriek and engulfed the three fighters.
"Kyaaaa!"
"M, Mai!!"
As the water coursed around them, Andy managed to grab Mai's wrist and pull her towards himself. The force of the water was intense, and Andy, turning his back towards the rapidly approaching wall, slammed into the concrete, taking the unbearable blow in Mai's place.
"Andy!!?"
"Hey, you OK, bud!?"
As the water receeded, Joe splashed to Andy's side, but Andy laid limp in Mai's arms. Joe's eyes ran over his friend's face to find even the slightest sign of life, and grabbed his wrist for his pulse.

Tails: *unfazed* He's not dead.

"...Thank god...!"

Tails: See?

Mai jolted to her feet and faced the churning body of Liviathan. She placed one of her fans between her teeth and clenched on it with intense force.
"Yurusanai!! (I won't forgive you)"
She jumped into the air and fell towards the dragon with immense speed.
"Shiranui Special Move!! Ho-oh no Mai (Dance of The Phoenix)!!"

Gweeh!!

The blue body of the serpent wound and churned, and fell into its own coffin of water.

Kyo L.: See? They might as well do their super techniques.
Manic: ...what is the point of this chapter?
Kyo L.: Nothing. It's just good ol' useless filler.
Kyo K.: *as he looks at the next chapter* Yeah, too bad that there's going to be a second chapter of this boring crap, too.
Tails: *groans*
Manic: *flatly* Great.
Kyo K.: The heck are you two grumbling about? Least you don't have to riff it.
Manic: Yeah, but we still have to see it.

"Chou Upper!"
Yuri's fist jammed into the Salamander's jaw, but....
"Ow.......!"
Robert was too busy saving himself, barely dodging the blinding assaults if the dragon's thick tail.
"And it's fast!!"
"What should we do, Robert!? If we keep this up, we'll be burned out before we land a solid blow!"
In attempt to avoid the attacks from both sides, the two bumped into each other's backs.
"It seems all we can do is give this guy our best shot, at the same time together!"

Kyo L.: Yeah, with the power of love or friendship or whatever the hell else it's gonna be.

"Yeah, you're right.....whoa!"
Another flood of fire was released from the Salamander. Yuri and Robert dodged the flames by jumping the opposite ways.
"Yo, Yuri!  Keep running the other way! Let's give the sucker our best when we meet up at the other end!"
"Ok! Haoh shoko........"
"Haoh shoko...."
The Salamander, unable to narrow its taget to either one, fumbled its way around as the two dashed around the clumsy beast. As the two met at the other end, the dragon opened its jaws again to cough out another wave of heat.
"KE~~~N!!!"

Vuaaaaa!!

The flood of light that impacted the dragon died out, but the dragon itself couldn't be found.
"D, did we do it......?"

Manic: *bored* Yes, you did.
Tails: What's the point of riffing this now?
Manic: Don't know, don't care.

"Guh!"
"Ryo, you OK!?"
King trotted to Ryo's side who was slammed onto the floor by Lilith's tail. The clothes of both fighters were already torn or burned from the electric waves the dragon produces, showing their struggle vividly.
"God, Ryo don't die on me right now!"
"I'm fine, King....but just playing around like this is getting us no where. I have a plan....."

Kyo L.: And then he used his super technique. Now get to the next damn scene.

Fhooooo....

The dragon bellowed deeply as it landed onto the ground softly, close to the two fighters.
"That's crazy! If we do something like that, you might die!"

Tails: *sighs, begins browsing on his Miles Electric* The suspense is taking me by surprise.
Manic: Yeah, it's so suspenseful that you're pretty much bored to death.

"Then do you have an idea, King?"
".............."
"See? Now, I'm counting on you!"
Ryo jumped back onto his bear feet and ran towards the dragon.

Kyo L.: And then his feet hibernated through the winter.

"W, wait a sec!"
"Heh, I'll have to try my limits, 'cause if I don't, that'll really piss my dad....saying I didn't try to my kyokugen (extremes)!!"
King shook her head as if to clear her mind, and stepped back into her stance.
"D, Double Strike!!"
The two spheres flew again with immense speed, but wasn't directed at Lilith, but instead, to Ryo's back! Gaining the speed of the impact, Ryo hurled towards the suprized dragon's stomach.
"Kyokugen Ryu Ougi (special move)! Tenchi Haoh Ken!!"

Bveee!!

The shadow of the serpent of the man slowly fell to the ground. King dashed towards the growing fog of dust from the ground. She barely saw Ryo's hand, raised with a victory sign.
"Ryo!!"
"Hehe....thanks for keeping the power down on the Double Strike..."
"Of course I did....!"

Tails: Uh-huh. Yep.
Kyo L.: *falls asleep*
Manic: *tickles Kyo L.'s ears*
Kyo L.: *wakes up* Gah! Damn it, I was sleeping!
Manic: Hey, we never said that you could abandon us.
Kyo L.: But there's only one tiny scene left! You're saying that I can't sleep through that?
Tails: Well, that's good. And no, you can't sleep through it.

"Mary, jump!!"
"OK, keep those hands still...."
Using Terry's hands as a jumping platform, Blue Mary jumped high above the huge serpent. Midgard looked up at her, suprized from the sudden movement, and ignorant of the other two just below it.
"Now it's our turn!"
"Let's go, Kim!"
"Ho-acha~!!!"
"Rising Tackle!!"
The impact of the two men's deadly moves made a clean hit on the dragon's jaw. And from above....
"Dynamite Swing~~!!!"
With no time to respond, the dragon's head burrowed into the floor.

"Heh, don't underestimate the power of humans!!"

Manic, Kyo L., Tails: Meh.
Kyo L.: Jesus Christ, this whole chapter could've been summed up as "they couldn't use their special techniques, so they defeated the dragon with their super techniques instead". This entire chapter should've been cut!
Tails: No kidding. It barely served any purpose.
Manic: Yeah, it did. It caused Axl to lose his mind.
Axl: *holds his head, groans* This mythology clusterfuck is giving me a headache.
Manic: See?
Tails: Yes, I do, unfortunately.

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