Mystery Science Theater En Masse: The Movie

Super Special 1: A Cruel Angel's Thesis (Part Five)

--

Note: Your main riffers for this part will be Kyo L., Emi, and James.

--

Chapter 5 - Promises

Kyo L.: Can they promise that this fic'll get better?
James: Now you're just asking for too much, mate.

Shingo hurried through the school hallway, carrying a sack full of sandwiches and coffee-milk.

Emi: I hope that's not for Shingo... because he hates milk.
James: Of course you'd know, huh?
Emi: Well, we are training partners, so of course I'd know.

It has been almost two months already since he's repeated this routine, and dodging through the flow of students has become easy for him now. He rushed out of the school building, still wearing his indoors shoes (required to be worn in every highschool when in the buildings).

Emi: *sighs* Yes, yes, we know. We get it, Mother.
Kyo L.: And so the snark's rubbed off on the gentle purple haired woman.
James: A bit too hard, it looks like.

He turned the corner into the 'secret' garden behind the building, where he usually spent his afternoon breaks. Under the large tree, the appointed place, was a figure, sitting and leaning on the trunk with his back towards the running Shingo, who knew not to shout for the early visitor's attention...because he usually was sleeping there. Shingo crept silently towards the man, and in astonishment, found him not only awake, but reading a book! Puzzled, Shingo crept even closer to the figure and looked over his shoulder at the book. The sight was devastating. A math text book!!?

James: So his tutor was Miyu the math lover.
Kyo K.: Glasses? I'll be glad to have her. At least she isn't condescending.

"Wh....what in the world are you doing, Kusanagi san!?"
"Oh, hey, Shingo. Well, the Mogi tests* are coming up, aren't they? So I was just getting myself ready..."

James: Mogi tests?
Emi: It's a national test that shows your ranking in your class and the country of Japan. You can kind of think of them as those statewide tests that Miss Baxter took when she was in school.
Jessie: I don't miss them, but the only good part about those days was that there was no homework.

Shingo froze in his position in disbelief and in awe. Noticing Shingo's expression, Kyo hurried to his feet and dusted off the dirt from his uniform pants.

"Uh, sorry, what did I tell you I was gonna teach you today?"
"Huh....!? Ah...yes, I think it was the moves for 'Doku Gami'..."
"OK....I'm only gonna show you once, so watch..."
"Yes, sir!"

Emi: ...it's only three parts. *scratches her head* It's not that hard.
Kyo K.: This is coming from the woman who ended up modifying that technique.
Emi: *whines*

It was after school, and the school yard was almost barren, except for the few sports clubs that practiced their daily exercise. Shingo stood in front of the tree and practiced hard on the 'Doku Gami' move Kyo showed him a couple of hours ago.

"Let's see, it went like this, then this...."
"Shingo ku~~n!"
Shingo looked up at the figure that was running towards him.
"Ah, Yuki san! You're leaving pretty late today."
"Yeah, I had clubs today. And I see you're practicing hard too!"
"Of course! I want to be just like Kusanagi-san as quick as possible."

Kyo L.: Remember those words. I bet you that the Sue's gonna do something about that later.

"Well, I hope he's not picking on you or anything", Yuki said as she giggled.
"Oh no, never! I still can't believe that he actually took an amateur like me as a student, though..."

Emi: Again, that's because he was getting free food out of it.
James: He still is, isn't he?
Emi: Anything to make sure that he won't pay a red cent for food. Also, Shingo never doubted himself. *twiddles her thumbs* It's also why Master Kyo actually said that I needed a dose of his confidence.

Shingo slumped onto the dirt ground to catch his breath as Yuki trotted over to sit by him.
"I don't think Kyo's thinking of you exactly as a 'student', though."
"Eh?"
"You know how strong Kyo is...and that's known internationally now! The people around him, like his classmates and teachers, either are too scared to even talk to him, or act friendly to earn his favor.  But thier selfishness is so blunt...all they think of are how cool they'll look hanging around Kyo. But he knows that well.

Rory: That doesn't make any sense!
Kyo L.: Of course it doesn't. How can they be afraid of him and want to hang out with him at the same time?
James: Logic isn't a thing here.

To me, he doesn't seem to have a close friend lately... especially since Mr. Daimon is out of town and Benimaru-kun seems to be so busy. I know best that Kyo's the type that wouldn't say a word to someone he don't likes.....so, the fact that he's teaching you his fighting techniques tells me that he thinks of you as a pretty close person to him.

Emi: Yeah... no. He originally trained Shingo for the heck of it. Also, the free food thing.

I think Kyo thinks of you as a little brother, rather than a student...."
"A 'little brother'...."
"Disappointed?"
"No, not at all!"

James: This fic will disappoint me. And isn't it high time that we get to the Sue already? Two scenes without her is two scenes too many!

Shingo flashed a vibrant grin at Yuki as he jumped up to his feet.
"Well then, I shouldn't let my 'big brother' down, should I!?"
With that, he resumed his practice with more energy as ever. Yuki silently smiled at the sight, and got up to her feet. In the middle of her walk to the school gates, she turned back at Shingo.

"Shingo kun!"
"Yes?"
"Kyo might seem to be unfriendly at times, but he's actually a really good person in nature. Please be patient with him, OK!?"
"Yes, ma'am!"

Kyo L.: If only this fic centered around the canons and some well written OCs.
Emi: That's a pipe dream, Mon... er, Mr. LeMaire.
Kyo L.: Eh. Just call me Kyo.

That night, at Kyo's apartment. Kira tapped her finger against the desk impatiently as she watched Kyo fidget in his chair.

James: *as Kira* When are you going to take your pants off?! Hurry up and make love to your Sue Mistress!
Kyo K.: *makes a face*

"Mou! You've messed up the equation of this problem too!"
"Eh, really!? I studied that one during lunch break today..."
Math was naturally Kyo's 'neck' in studying. He always felt that something in his DNA reacted violently whenever he sees numbers, and always catches his mind drifting away during classes. But somehow, his detatchment with the numbers seemed to be worse today.

Emi: So of course the Sue has to be a jerk to him because how dare he has difficulties in a subject! Jesus, not everyone can be perfect like you, you twit.

"OK, I'll figure this problem out, so watch how I do it....are you listening, Kyo?"
"Uh...yeah."
He watched Kira's hand whip through the problems at unbelievable speed (that is, to him).

Kyo L.: *rolls his eyes* And of course she can do it with no problems at all... even though she was living in the fuckin' mountains all her life. This is bullshit.

"Got it?"
"Huh?"
Seeing Kyo's very puzzled expression, Kira couldn't help a big sigh escape her lips.

Emi: Hey, Sue. Ever thought of explaining the solution to him step-by-step?
James: That's logic, Emi. You know that Sues need to have everyone know everything or they're "lesser" beings. No wonder people like having Miyu as a tutor.

Di.....ng!

The two looked up at the door, and then at the clock. 12:52 am
"You get regular visitors at this time of the night, Kyo??"

James: Whoa, has he been hitting the Red Light District?
Emi: *lightly elbows James* Come on, Mr. Daniels.

Kyo shrugged equally puzzled as Kira, and lugged to the door. The door flung open to reveal Shingo standing in the doorway. Kyo's eyes widen.

Kyo L.: *as Kyo* Huh. I was expecting another Sue to drop by, but hey, I guess you'll do.

"Konbanwa (good evening), Kusanagi-san! I was in the neighborhood, so I just dropped by...."
Shingo said as he passed by a dumb-found Kyo and began to take his shoes off.

James: You were in the neighborhood at one in the morning? Yeah, sure.

"Shingo!?  But how do you know where I live...!?"
"Yuki san told me.", Shingo said as he turned around to see an unfamiliar girl sitting in the living room. All he did was blink.

"Hajimemashite (nice to meet you)..." Kira finally said to the sudden visitor. Shingo

Emi: ...responded by Shingo Kicking her out of his master's home.

still stared at her, when Kyo rushed in between the two.
"Uh, Shingo, this is Kira, a childhood friend of mine!

Kyo L.: Bullshit!

Kira, this is Shingo, from my highschool..."
"Eh!? A...domo, Shingo desu....(hi, I'm Shingo)"

Watching Kira disappear into the other room where she had her purse, Kyo and Shingo sat in silence.
"She's very cute, isn't she, Kusanagi san?"

James: *facepalms* Oh, for fuck's sake.
Emi: That... that wouldn't be Shingo's first thought.
Kyo L.: It's a Sue fic. It's everybody's first thought. If their first thought doesn't involve shilling this stupid disease bucket in some way, they're automatically evil.

"Huh?"
"...I'm telling Yuki-san."
"Wait a minute, I think you have the wrong idea here!", Kyo exclaimed, waving his hands frantically.
"This is dispicable, Kusanagi san, after having such a nice girlfriend..." Shingo began to tease, half happy to see a more casual-than-usual Kyo, and disappointed to see another girl with him.

James: Oh, we're all disappointed.

"What are you two arguing about?" Kira said from the doorway. "I'm going to Lawson** down the street.

Emi: *reading the footnote* Lawson... a chain of convenience stores.
James: Ah, I see.

With a visitor, I thought it might be a good idea to take a break for a while..."
"I'll go with you, ma'am!"
Shingo said as he jumped up to his feet.
"It's dangerous for a lady to be walking out alone at night."
"Sure, thanks."

All: *thinking*
Rory: *plays the "Jeopardy!" thinking music*
Emi: Normally, I wouldn't say much because that does sound like something that Shingo would do. It's also something that Nikaido-san would do. So... I can't really call that a "fedora moment".
Kyo L.: I know what it really is.
Emi: Yes, Mr. LeMaire?
Kyo L.: It's just another moment for a character to suck the Sue's shit out of her ass.
James: Did you really have to phrase it like that, you angry little fluff ball?
Kyo L.: Yes. Yes, I did.

Kyo watched the two put their shoes on and walk out the door. Just before Shingo shut the door, he popped his head back through the door way and smiled at Kyo. The kind of smile kids wear before they pull a trick on a teacher.
"Ittekimasu~ (I'm going), Kusanagi san!"
With that, the door shut. Kyo knew what Shingo was thinking, and the true meaning of him 'escorting' Kira.
"Hell, be as doubtful of me as you want!", and a cusion was thrown at the door where the smiling face of Shingo was a minute ago.

Emi: Why is Master Kyo throwing a tantrum like a sullen teenager? He would just brush it off and actually tell Shingo the truth! Seriously, it's not that hard for him to say that she was tutoring him!
Kyo L.: This fic made him dumber than his "Esaka Destiny" self! And he was pretty damn dumb there!

"Uh...so, well, how should I ask this...."
Shingo mumbled as he and Kira strolled down the isles of the store. The more he tried to ask Kira about her relationship with Kyo, with a big emphasis on "casual", the more difficult it seemed to him for words to flow out of his mouth.

James: A guy and a lady being friends and only friends? *points at Rory and Cassy* Yeah, totally impossible, right?
Cassy: *sarcastically* Hardest thing in the world, dude.

"I think you want to ask about my relationship with Kyo?" Kira giggled.
"Well, actually, you know..."
"As Kyo said, we're childhood friends.

Kyo L.: And as Kyo Baudin-LeMaire said... that is bullshit.

I've known him for 15 years now..."
"Really?"

All: No.
Emi: You knew that he existed for fifteen years. You didn't know him personally for fifteen years. What is it with Suethors and Stuthors mangling words?
Kyo L.: Considering that the last fic had that jackass Benji not know what the word "lesbian" meant? Yeah, they mangle a lot of crap.

Shingo was still unsure of what to believe in....

James: I want to believe in this fic ending abruptly, but I know that that ain't happening.

The two waited in line with a basket full of microwavable dishes and instant ramen.

Emi: Look at all of that sodium.
James: This fic's already full of sodium. Now we need to add more?
Kyo L.: Hell, we'll be caked in salt by the time this fic ends. The Dead Sea's gonna envy us by then.
James: More like the fans of the New England Patriots will envy us. They literally swim in salt when they don't get what they want.

Kira glanced at one of the magazines on the rack, and began reading it.
"Hey, Shingo-kun..."
"Yes?"
"Isn't this....."
"Oh, Benimaru san? Yeah, he's in the showbiz now. He's really good-looking and stuff, so he's really popular lately."
"I see...and what about the other...?"
"Ah, Goro san, you mean? He's in the mountains right now to concentrate on his martial arts skill, Kusanagi san said."
"Hm.."
Kira shifted her focus back on the magazine.

Emi: *as Kira* Looks like I can't steal their souls yet. Darn.

"A, shimatta~! (darn)", Shingo exclaimed as the automatic door glided open.
"I'm sorry Kira san, I forgot that I needed some mustard at home. Do you mind to wait for me out her for a minute?"
Kira offered to hold the pastic bag full of junk food that Shingo was carrying.
"Sure, take your time."
"Thanks!"
With that, Shingo rushed back into the store, almost hitting himself with the confused glass door that was about to shut on him.

Emi: Oh, Shingo.
James: *flatly* Oh, look. Her escort left her all alone in the dark.
Kyo L.: Which means that a bullshit cliché will be coming up in three, two, one...

Kira trotted over to the small railing in front of the store where the customers parked and chained their bikes to, and sat on an open area of railing. It wasn't long for a pack of drunk guys to walk up to her.

Kyo L.: Bingo.

"Hey babe, what's up?"
She looked up at them, glanced back at the store's enterance to see if Shingo was anything near coming out, and looked back at them.
"Are you talking to me?"
"Yeah, you, girl. Wanna have some fun with us?"
The other four laughed slovenly as they stood around her. Kira smirked as her eyes gleamed with content.
"Sure I was getting kinda bored out here...but I'll teach you what fun is..."

James: Oh, my god, she's a succubus.
Kyo L.: *laughs*
Emi: Can you really call her a succubus if that's what Mary Sues actually are?
James: Well, you have a point, but it's practically literal now.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!...uh, where is she????"
After making a fool of himself by talking to the bicycles outside, Shingo blushed. He looked left, then right for Kira, who was no where to be found.
"What the hell?"
He noticed a plastic bag sitting on the asphalt, and trotted up to it. The exact same ramen and junk food he bought a minute ago filled it. The bag sat in front of a small dark passage way that lead to the back of the store.
"Ki....Kira san?", he called into the black ally.
"Damn, I have a really bad feeling about this!"

Kyo L.: The Sue's fine. Get to the part where their asses are all kicked.

He threw his bag down onto the asphalt with the one Kira was carrying, and dashed into the passage way. The passage had no light to guide him, but he managed to run without falling. The thin ally came to an aburpt right turn, and Shingo stopped to catch his breath.
Absolute silence.
(Oh please, oh please, be safe, Kira san!) Shingo screamed in his mind as he popped his knuckles. Closing his eyes, he turned the passage.

James: *sighs* She's fine.
Emi: This really isn't suspenseful at all.

"Are you alright, Kira san!?"
"Of course I am."
Shingo's eyes opened with at the casual responce from the dark. Kira stood their with a big grin, arms fold. Shingo squinted his eyes to see the lump that was behind her...the drunkards that were hitting on her just five minutes ago, stacked on top of each other!
"What the.....?"

Benimaru: Oh, for the love of... *facepalms*
Manic, Kyo L., Axl, Rory, Akiko: *booing loudly*
Cassy: *laughs at the booing*
Akiko: It's called "King of Fighters" and that fight happened offscreen?! That's so dumb! *continues booing*
Cassy: *falls out of her seat as she laughs harder*
Emi: I think they spoke for us. Don't you think so, Mr. Daniels?
James: Of course. Let's just move on.

"Whoa, no wonder you're Kusanagi san's childhood friend! I can't beleive you took on those brutes alone, and come out unscratched!"

Kyo L.: *rolls his eyes* Of course she gets out without getting hurt at all. Mary Sues aren't allowed to have ugly scrapes on them.
James: This fic's got so much crap in it. Might as well call it "A Cruel Angel's Feces".
Emi: Pfft...
Kyo L.: *laughs* Oh, good one!

"And you didn't beleive that I was friends with him for a while, there", Kira added.
"Well, you know..." Shingo scratched his head, blushing again.

Emi: In your case, "friend" actually means "lapdog", Sue. We can see through your lies.

They were finally on their way back to Kyo's, and the apartment was already in view.
"Shingo kun, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Why do you idolize Kyo that much?"
"Hmmm..." Shingo thought about it for a minute.
"Until I met Kusanagi san, I was just any other teenager, with no talent in particular.

James: Now, that's a lie. You're not a Kardashian, Shingo.

I wasn't less than anyone else, but nothing more, either. Then I saw the King of Fighters last summer and saw Kusanagi san fighting. For the first time, I felt I wanted to be like someone else. I don't know if strength is what I wanted, but since then I wanted to be like him."

Kyo L.: Guess he couldn't find any Air Kusanagis.
James: *snickers*

"Do you look up to Kyo?"
"Yes, above anyone in the world!"
Kira smiled at Shingo, who was speaking passionately.
"It's just that I can't get those flame to come out....without that, I think I'll never be like Kusanagi san....I practice a lot, but..."
"Yes, I can tell you practice..."
Kira said to herself . She fell silent for a minute, then suddenly faced Shingo.

Emi: No, no, do not tell me that she's going to do what I think she's going to do!
Kyo L.: Do what?
Emi: Let's just keep going. I want to confirm my suspicions here.

"Shingo kun, can you keep a secret?"
"Huh?"
"Can you? Especially to Kyo?"
"Uh...I think so, but why....."
Without hearing Shingo finish his statement, Kira slid her finger onto his forehead.
"Then, close your eyes and think of Kyo for a minute. Think of how much you respect him."
Still confused at what is happening, Shingo closed his eyes. He felt Kira's cold fingers touch his forehead.
"......"
Kira mumbled something Shingo couldn't make out. He felt his whole body getting hotter. Kira finished her spell and took her finger from his head. The kanji "Hikari (light)" gleamed where her fingers touched, and slowly faded.
"What was that?"
Shingo finally asked as he felt the heat from his body reduce to normal. Kira winked at him.
"Just a incantation....when your feeling to be like Kyo becomes high, your wish'll be granted."
"Huh....?"

James: Uh... what the hell just happened?
Emi: ...she just gave Shingo the ability to summon flames. I don't know why she used the kanji for "light" when there's kanji for "fire", but still.
Kyo L.: Man, this is some straight up bullshit. This Sue just ruined another character's development in the process.

"We're back~!" The two exclaimed in unison as they opened the door. Kyo lifted his head from the motorcycle magazine he was reading in the living room.
"What took you so long?? I'm starving!"

Kyo L.: And you didn't eat your own leg because...?
James: Would he really do that?
Kyo L.: *points at Kyo K.* Not that Kyo. *points at the screen* That Kyo doesn't have two brain cells to rub inside of his rattled head, so I'm surprised that he didn't practice bein' a cannibal on himself while they were gone.

"Ok, ok, I'll microwave these now, then."  Kira said as she set the plastic bags on the table. Shingo shuffled into the living room and plopped down on his knees by Kyo. Kyo didn't look up.
"Sorry I doubted you, Kusanagi san."
"I knew you'll figure it out."
"....Kira san seems to be a really nice person."
"You think so?"

Emi: I don't.
James: Well, time to get smited, you evil harpy. You know the drill; you don't like the Sue. Time to die.

Shingo nodded in assurance. Kyo smiled, then glanced to check Kira was in the other room.

"Yo Shingo, can you do me a favor?" he asked in a whisper.
"Yes?"
"I want you to keep Kira a secret from Yuki."
"Huh? But I thought you two had nothing between each other?"
"Yeah, we're just friends. Nothing secret.

Kyo L.: *whispers* Bullshit.

But what would a girl think if she found out if her boy friend was hanging around another girl? I just don't want to worry her. Not now, net yet...."

Emi: *sighs* Oh, my goodness. Why do we have a silly plotline like this? This is honestly turning into an episode of "Melrose Place" or something. *as Kyo* Oh, oh, we're just friends, but please don't mention this to Yuki! *normal voice* Um... Mr. Hancock?
Rory: That doesn't make any sense!
Emi: Thank you.

--

Continue to Part Six
Go Back to Part Four
Go Back to MST 'EM: The Movie Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page