Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 8: Miles "Tails" Prower (Part Five)

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Note: This chapter might be a little on the weird side.

Akiko: Just this chapter?

You might also not like what happens in this chapter.

Manic: Screw the chapter, I don't like what's happening in this fic.

Just read and see for yourself...

Chapter 12: Tails Kidnapped?!

Tomoko: And if he gets tortured and he dies from his injuries, that'll make this fic a lot better.
Sonic: He's eight... I think.
Tomoko: Still in denial, Hedgehog.

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Tails relaxed and rested up in his workshop and house after his fight with Chaotix. It didn't take him long to be fully rested up, though, since it didn't take Tails long to beat all the member of Chaotix.

Amy: *bored* Yeah. We know. We know about the one-sided fight. Stop holding our hands.
Manic: Lemme guess. More of that crap?
Sonia: Yes. You literally missed nothing.

After he was rested, Tails went outside and sat down on the grass and looked up and just started up in the sky at the clouds.

Manic: Alright, which cloud's gonna look like a--
Tomoko: Don't you start, Hedgehog.
Manic: ...middle finger?

Tails fell backwards, but on purpose, to lie down on the grass and stare at the clouds and sky. Tails wished he could do this every day.

Tails: Then we wouldn't have this terrible fic. Hmm... actually, I'd be okay with that.

But, ever since he got his new weapons he couldn't because of everything that was going on. Tails also knew that this would probably be his only chance to relax. But, Tails didn't care about that all that much. He just wanted to prove to everyone that he shouldn't be underestimated, and so far, he's succeeded.

Manic: *annoyed* Oh... shut up.
Tails: Seriously, there are thirty-six chapters of this.
Sonic: Y'know, friggin' Kira managed to mix her Sue boredom into a proper bad story.
Tails: True.

Unknown to Tails, there was a small UFO-like robot in the sky, behind his view that seemed to be watching him. But, it wasn't the robot that was watching him, because it was just a camera. It was G.U.N.'s robot.

Miyuki: *bored* Wow.

So... G.U.N. was spying on him.

All: *bored* Wow.

Apparently, that camera followed Tails ever since Tails was in Station Square.

Akiko: We could've figured that out. You don't need to spell the suspense out for us.

So... the G.U.N. commander and general must have saw Tails' fight with Eggman's triceratops-robo and Chaotix.

All: *with dunce caps on their heads* Dur-hay!

Meanwhile...

Back in the undisclosed control room,

Sonia: ...which was actually a janitor's closet...

the G.U.N. general was intently watching Tails.

"Tails... you've changed so much in a matter of only a few days. Not only that... somehow, you've gotten stronger as well. You may even be as strong as Sonic and Shadow, but I'm kind of doubtful for that.

Manic: Oh, here we go. Someone has to underestimate him again.

You seem to no longer have any friends. But, your old enemies are still your enemies.

Sonia: I think we've read that part before.

All of a sudden... you've turned neutral.

Tomoko: "Neutral".
Sonia: More like "selfish".

Is it because of those new weapons you have? Either way, our next move is for the best." thought the general.

Sonic: And of course, they're the bad guys because this crappy fic said so.
Tails: I mean, this is G.U.N. However, they've done more good than harm, even if their methods are a bit... unorthodox.
Sonic: Yeah, chasing me through a city and destroying random people's cars with a giant monster truck that can break gravity ain't "a bit unorthodox", Tails.

Then the regular soldier that checked on the general came in.

"Are you sure about this, sir? This could end badly..." asked the soldier

Akiko: One idiot ball, comin' right up!

"Yes, I'm sure. Send the army in, take Tails, and bring him here. No objections, soldier, that's an order." ordered the general.

The soldier saluted then shouted "Yes, sir!!"

Amy: Make that two idiot balls.
Akiko: We'll probably have a pit full of them when this fic's over.

Back with Tails...

Tails was actually having fun relaxing. That is until tons of helicopters appeared out of nowhere.

Tomoko: They flew into the the sky and hovered near you, dumbass.

Tails quickly jumped up and got his weapons out and got in his fighting stance. He watched as tons of soldiers jumped out of the helicopters with their guns and landed on the cliff Tails was on and pointed their guns at Tails. Tails saw the "G" on their uniforms and instantly recognized it.

"G.U.N.?! What the hell do they think they're trying to pull?!" wondered Tails

Sonic: Remember, this is how Tails talks.
Tails: What? No, it's not.
Sonic: Go with this bad fic, buddy.
Tails: Uh... no. You don't want to follow it, either.
Sonia: He's right, Sonic.

Que: "Sinister Shadows" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

Tails was just unbelievably taking out the army. With kicks, slashes, and crazy, but creative, slash combos.

Akiko: *bored* Uh-huh.
Miyuki: *bored* Top tier action scenes here. We're gonna run outta riffs for this stuff.
Tomoko: Wait a sec, that's a shot right there. *takes a shot* How many now?
Tails: Thirty-two.

At one point, Tails even extended his blades to the size of the platform and spinned around counter-clockwise taking out tons of soldiers.

Manic: He also may have killed some, but he's the hero. This crappy fic says so.

But, a soldier jumped out of one of the helicopters and landed behind Tails and hit Tails in the back of his head, knocking him out. The soldier bagged Tails in a brown sack, grabbed the helicopters ladder, and the helicopter flew off toward G.U.N.'s headquarters.

Everyone except Tomoko: *cheering*
Tomoko: If that's the audience's response... just quit writing.

End Music

Amy: Ending this fic would be better.

At G.U.N. headquarters...

Tails was awake, but in a jail cell. His weapons were taken from him, and he had no way to break out.

Manic: And then he died of starvation or edgy withdrawal or whatever the hell happened. Screw him. The End. *stands up, stretches* Ah, best ending ever. *leaves*
Sonia: *stares at Manic in confusion*
Manic: *returns with a glass of juice and a sandwich* What?
Sonia: I'm just surprised that you didn't catch a bus and leave.
Manic: Oh, trust me, sis... I still wanna do that.

It frustrated Tails more than he already was. Tails was angry with G.U.N. for not only kidnapping him, but for taking his weapons and his backpack with his chaos emeralds as well!!

Tails went back up to the bars and put his hands on the bars.

"Steel huh?

Akiko: Yeah, that's what bars in a cell are usually made of. I thought you had a 300 IQ.
Miyuki: It's on layaway.

Tch. If only I had my weapons... Grr!! Damn G.U.N.!!" thought and growled Tails.

Miyuki: Someone get this rabid fox a tranq shot.

Tails started to walk back to his bed, but then... a light formed in Tails' hands!! Tails closed his eyes to prevent from being blinded. When he opened his eyes, he widened them, because there were his weapons!! Tails was speechless.

Amy: Because "Tails" here needed to be an even bigger Gary Stu than he already is.
Tomoko: What kinda bullshit... ugh. *facepalms, groans* Why am I still reading this crap?
Amy: Because something hates all of us.

"I told you. You're the chosen one for this weapon. Only you can hold and use them." reminded the voice to Tails.

Manic: *annoyed* We know. Shut up.
Akiko: Never thought I'd see the day where some evil talking swords can pad a fic out.

Tails actually smiled. Tails easily cut through the bars and escaped. He walked for a bit until a soldier spotted him. The soldier noticed that Tails had his weapons back.

Sonic: Y'know, for someone who once broke into Prison Island, he should know a thing or two about sneaking around.
Tails: Sacrificing intelligence for raw power is usually a thing in these bad stories, if I remember correctly.
Sonia: This was mentioned already, but... yes, it is. It gets even worse if the "protagonist" is supposed to be smarter than everyone else.

"But how?! We took those from you!!" gasped the soldier

"Let me remind you..." started Tails "I'm the chosen one for this weapon. I'm the only one who can hold it and use it."

All: *annoyed* We know!
Manic: There's thirty-six chapters of this bullshit. There's thirty-six chapters of this bullshit.
Tails: We... *sighs* ...we know, Manic.

The soldier pointed his gun at Tails, but Tails disappeared. Tails reappeared at the soldiers left side and kicked the soldier's left side of his face with Tails' right foot. The soldier was easily knocked out.

Akiko: Wait, he can suddenly teleport? What's next?
Sonic: He replaces the people on "This Old House". He'll slice up some wood in seconds.
Amy: Yeah, but he's no Norm Abram.

Tails knew what he had to do. He had to find the G.U.N. general. Because, wherever the G.U.N. general was, his backpack with his chaos emeralds was there as well.

Tails: That doesn't make any sense! Why would the general have the Chaos Emeralds with him? They would be locked up in a heavily guarded space! *as he messes up his fur* Why is everyone so dumb in this incredibly ridiculous fic?!
Sonia: Once again... it's so Tails the Stu can shine.
Tails: That bad clone's dumb, too!
Miyuki: Yep. Everyone's screwed.

To be continued...

P.S.: Yup, there's actually another level coming up.

Tomoko: Oh, no. Not this bullshit again. I just... I can't. *pulls out another bottle of sake*
Miyuki: And yet, you're gonna do it. Why?
Tomoko: Because I don't want to remember this crap, Fujiwara.

Note: Attention new readers: I can only update once per week, sorry :(.

Amy: I wonder what we could've done if this fic was new and being updated.
Sonia: We'd have a week to scrub the last chapter out of our heads, but we're stuck taking one huge, unhealthy dose.

Chapter 13: The Foolish G.U.N. General

Sonic: I'm so tempted to switch out, and I'm about to take a page from my own sis here. If you have to insult any characters to make your horrible one look better, you've messed up. How many times do we have to say this?
Tomoko: Too many, and people still ain't listening to that bit of advice.

----------------

Tails started to run through and he used his tails to propel himself even faster. He decided to just move forward, since he didn't have his chaos emerald locator, which was in his backpack as well.

Tails: Why would I have my locator with the Chaos Emeralds?
Akiko: It's not you, Tails.
Tails: I know, but I still have to ask these questions.

Tails also took out his weapons to attack anything that got in his way. He exited the jail area and entered the inner area of G.U.N.'s headquarters, where he found G.U.N.'s weapons. G.U.N. robot mechs, G.U.N. walking mechs, and, of course, G.U.N. soldiers.

Sonic: G.U.N. cheesecake. G.U.N. bad writing. G.U.N. G.U.N. G.U.N. G.U.N.
Miyuki: Whole chapter might as well say "Tails slices up G.U.N. stuff" about a billion times.
Sonia: *mutters* Shooting myself with a stun gun would be better than reading the rest of this schlock.
Manic: Get in line, sis.

Que: "Dance to the Death" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

The G.U.N. soldiers in the area were the first to attack him, so Tails decided to get rid of the soldiers first. Since they were, basically the easiest.

Amy: You kill them, and I'll kill you.
Sonic: Whoa, Ames. Lighten up the threat a little.
Amy: Okay, I'll smash that fake fox into a fine, bloody paste.
Sonic: ...are you sure that you lightened that up?
Amy: Yes, I did. He'll feel no pain.
Sonic: *stammers, sighs* Never mind...

Tails ran toward them, disappeared and flew the dived toward them as he kicked them and slashed them with his weapons. Eventually, Tails took out the soldiers.

Akiko: *bored* Of course he did. What else is new...

Then Tails quickly dashed toward one of the robots and stabbed it with his right weapon and put it into the robot, then, spun around clockwise and threw the robot at another robot, destroying them both.

Sonia: *as she's filing her nails* Absolute shocker.
Tomoko: *bored* I'm on the edge of my damn seat here.

He decided to take out the rest of the robots with his weapons and slashing them. Tails went into the next room and encountered his first big G.U.N. walking, shooting mechs. But, when the mech tried to shoot Tails, Tails just zigzagged dashed toward it and slashed it in half, vertically, north to south with his left weapon. He did the same to the other mech as well that was in the room.

Amy: The weird part of this scene is that the words have finally changed up a bit, and it's still boring. Like, we know what "vertically" means. You didn't have to tell us that it was north to south.
Miyuki: Yeah, we do. How else can we understand the immense genius of these fight scenes?
Amy: Sonia's rubbing off on you, Miyuki.

Tails went through the area just easily taking out the G.U.N. soldiers, robot mechs, and walking mechs, until...

End Music

Sonic: ...he had a heart attack and croaked.
Amy: *looks at Sonic*
Sonic: See, I lightened it up.
Tails: Hypocrite.

Tails cleared a huge room full of enemies.

Manic: Yeah, I think we got that.

There was one robot left. But, Tails got out of his fighting stance; because... the robot looked familiar to Tails. The robot turned around. Tails was right, it was E-123 Omega!!

Manic: Suspense doesn't exist in this fic. *sighs* Yo, I'm out of riffs.
Tails: We aren't halfway done yet! And you left for a part! How are you out of riffs?
Manic: Look at it, Tails. Just... look at it.
Akiko: I'm pretty sure that the Stuthor tried to sell this fic on its fight scenes alone and nothing else.
Tails: Yeah, and it's a giant husk that is full of holes.

"Omega..." remarked Tails.

Omega scanned Tails, recognized him, then realized "So... you escaped Tails"

"That's right. Is there a problem?" asked Tails as he was about to get in his fighting stance. Until...

"No. I'm glad you did. Are you... alright?" asked Omega.

Tails was shocked

Tomoko: Yeah, someone is actually concerned for your selfish ass. I'd be shocked, too.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Uh... Omega, are you okay? What are you doing here anyway?" asked Tails

"G.U.N. took me in and "hired" me to help them with their problems."

Tails was about to get in his fighting stance again, but Omega continued

"But... I didn't approve of what they did to you." informed Omega

Amy: *claps loudly* We have character shilling! We finally have the cherry on top of the dumpster fire sundae!
Sonia: Why... would G.U.N. kidnap Omega and force him to work for them? That's way out of character for that organization.
Amy: We need more out of character "antagonists", of course!
Akiko: Wait, so... everyone concerned is evil and need to be beaten up because how dare they show concern! And everyone who kisses his butt are "good", even though he's clearly doing things that he normally never does! Excuse me, why am I supposed to like this guy? And look, look, I know that we're saying the same stuff over and over here, but this stuff needs to be repeated!
Sonic: You can say it until you're blue in the face. Bad writers with big egos will never listen.

"Do you know where the G.U.N. general is?" asked Tails

"Actually, I do" replied Omega

"Can you lead me to him?" asked Tails

"Sure. Follow me." answered Omega.

Tails was happy that he still had a friend who he could trust.

Tomoko: Even though he should've abandoned your stupid ass, you tainted little piece of sh--
Sonic: ..aaaving cream.

Tails followed Omega through the rest of the base, and Omega even helped take out the enemies in their way with his missiles and his strength. Until...

Miyuki: ...a commercial break happened.

Tails and Omega were in another huge room. The G.U.N. general showed up from a platform that came up out of the ground, the ground opened up to reveal him. The G.U.N. general was in a strange mech. The mech was diamond-like with diamond-like arms and legs. The whole mech was diamond-like.

Manic: *sarcastically claps* Great descriptions, man. Award winning descriptions.
Tomoko: I bet you that those diamonds are fake. Kirishima would have a fit.
Sonia: Why is the general an exaggerated version of Lex Luthor? What is this nonsense?
Akiko: Tails 64: The Giant Rings.

"Sir... give Tails back his possessions" ordered Omega

"You don't order me, I order you!!" yelled the general, then he finally saw who said that

"Omega?! You traitor!!!" screamed the general.

Amy: That didn't need line breaks.
Miyuki: The general couldn't tell the difference between a fox's voice and a robot's voice? *facepalms* Everyone's dumb, the writing's dumb, and I'm losing my mind. Everything sucks.
Tomoko: You're tellin' me, Fujiwara.

The mech whacked Omega with its right arm, horizontally, left to right. Omega had no time to react, so Omega went flying and went through the wall that was way behind Tails. Yes, the mech hit that hard.

Tomoko: Yeah, I'm sure that hit hard, since he's a big ass bot and all. What's with the hand-holding in this crap? I already know how to freakin' read.

"No!! Omega!!" yelled Tails.

Tails then got his weapons out and got really angry,

Tails: *as he puffs his chest out* Grr!
Sonic: *snickers*
Sonia: What is he gonna do, transform into Super Evil Stu Tails? Is he gonna have some voice of the Legion?

and said in a deep voice

"You'll pay for that. I WILL get my chaos emeralds back!!" declared Tails.

Sonia:  ...I was joking, damn it.
Akiko: How cliché is this fic? Seriously!

The general was shocked, wide-eyed, and speechless. But, the general quickly got over it and got ready to fight. He seemed cocky and he wasn't worried. Maybe he should be...

Miyuki: Y'know, if you're gonna make this crap one-sided, why are you writing it?
Amy: So he can never be underestimated ever again.
Miyuki: *sighs* I hate this fic.

To be continued...

P.S.: Sorry for the somewhat late update. I got kinda busy :(.

Manic: And the writing got worse in the process. Yikes.

Note: This... should be interesting...

Amy: *scoffs* Yeah, right.
Akiko: Nothing's more interesting than slashing over and over again.

Chapter 14: The... Overture?!

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Tails was the angriest he's ever been so far.

Tomoko: You mean that he wasn't a whiny piss-ass before?

He wouldn't let the G.U.N. general do this.

Sonic: *confused* Even though... the general already did it...?
Sonia: Stop using logic, Sonic.
Sonic: You're one to talk, ain't ya?

He'd make sure that not only would he get his chaos emeralds and other possessions back, he'd get revenge for Omega as well.

Miyuki: And he will because he's the "hero". Now quit padding this crap out.

"This is our new greatest mech!! Even better than the Diablos!! There's no way you can defeat it or even hurt it for that matter!! Behold... The Overture!!" declared the general.

In the same deep voice, Tails responded,

"We'll just see about that"

Sonia: ...I really don't think this is a Sonic fic now. This is just a bad anime.

Que: "Vim and Vigor" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

Sonia: And that song choice proves it even further.
Manic: You forgot the Stuthor's pen name. Instant knife twister.

The mech started off by trying to hit Tails like it hit Omega, with a horizontal, left to right arm swing, with its right arm,

Amy: We know what "horizontal" means...
Tails: This writing's... stilted.

but Tails just easily flew into the air and dodged it. After Tails dodged it, he quickly dashed in toward the mech and did intense duel aerial slashing combos

Everyone except Tomoko: Double drink!
Tomoko: Damn it. *takes two shots*
Tails: *looks at his Miles Electric* That's shot number thirty-four, Tomoko. I'm a bit surprised that you sobered up a bit to take some more shots...
Tomoko: I know. It's kinda pissing me off, Prower.

that damaged the mech badly. The G.U.N. general couldn't believe it.

All: *bored* We could.
Miyuki: This fic's lame.
Akiko: That's my line, Mi-chan.
Miyuki: *smirks* You don't own it.

"What?! Impossible!! Those simple swords shouldn't be able to damage the Overture!!" thought the general.

Manic: And they did, because this is a Stu fic. Screw this cliché bull.

The mech jumped back and shot multiple lasers at Tails, but Tails again just easily flew around to dodge them, but Tails also rushed in toward the Overture as well and did more intense duel aerial slashing combos

All: *sighs* Double drink...
Tomoko: *takes two more shots* Thirty-six.

that damaged the mech even more. The mech was already failing as electrical energy was scaling all across its body.

"This isn't good... he's only done a couple combos and its already failing! This CAN NOT be happening!!" thought the general

Amy: Why would the general use the word "combo" in a sentence...?
Sonia: Again, it's because of this fic's limited writing skills.

The mech jumped back and shot multiple missiles at Tails, but again, Tails just maneuvered around them and dashed toward the mech at the same time. Tails stabbed the mech with both of his weapons and put them into the mech. Tails lifted the mech up over his head, took his weapons out, and did unbelievably intense duel aerial slashing combos. Tails X cross-slashed it into the air further, then disappeared then reappeared above the mech and X cross slashed it again and sent it hurtling toward the ground.

Akiko: I should've mentioned this earlier, but we have "X cross slash" and "X cross-slash". It's like... hyphen and non-hyphen flavored.
Tails: Inconsistency is this fic's best quality.
Akiko: I thought that was the "duel slashing combos" stuff.
Tails: That, too. However, I really wouldn't call that "quality".

The G.U.N. general ejected and watched as the Overture hit the ground and exploded. The general landed and Tails seemed to come out of nowhere as he kicked the general in his stomach with his left foot, stunning the general and also making him bend down.

Sonic: Our protagonist, folks!

Tails then took his left weapon, spinned in a clockwise half circle

Amy: *flailing* Who cares if it's clockwise?!
Miyuki: This fic cares. It cares too much.
Manic: Cares too much to care about nothin' else.

and whacked the general's chin with his left weapon, making him whiplash back and also making him fly backwards a couple of feet. The general hit the ground and slid back a couple more feet.

Sonic: Um, uh... I'm pretty sure that he loses the "protagonist" status by beating the general up like that.
Sonia: He lost it once he beat Amy up.

End Music

Tails jumped on the general's chest and put his swords a few centimeters over the general's throat.

Akiko: Uh...
Miyuki: Guy's got problems.
Sonia: You know, in any other sane universe, he'd be arrested for threatening a government official like that.
Tails: Keyword is obviously "sane".

"Where's my stuff?!" demanded Tails

Manic: Dude, you sound like a crack addict.
Tomoko: "Sound like"? He's loaded up on crack, coke, and meth! Hell, let's make it worse! Give that addict some bath salts so he can start eating the general's face off!
Sonic: Gross.

"In the control center, over there" answered the general as he pointed to a door that was to the east but quite a ways behind Tails.

Miyuki: Maybe that Stu will go south into a pit full of spikes.

Tails quickly dashed into the control room, and got his backpack. He checked to make sure all his chaos emeralds were there. They were; all four of them.

Tails: And they never thought to separate them?! What is this idiocy?!
Amy: I... um... I don't have an answer for that.

Tails dashed back into the room where he fought the Overture, and the general was gone. A huge, and loud, alarm sounded.

Things... were just getting worse...

Miyuki: Good, maybe he'll die.
Everyone else: Not happening!
Miyuki: Oh, come on, let me wish for something good here!
Manic: Wish in one hand, crap in the other. You'll find out which hand fills up first.
Sonia: This fic might as well vomit in both of your hands.

To be continued...

P.S.: Hmph. Obviously it's a bad idea to make Tails mad... ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Amy: And it's an even worse idea to attack a government official, you dummy. Ugh, I'm sick of this bad Tails shilling.
Tails: How do you think I feel, Amy?
Amy: *as she hands Tails a barf bag* You feel like you need one of these?
Tails: Yes, I do.

--

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