Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 8: Miles "Tails" Prower (Part Eleven)

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Note: This... might be a little emotional...

Amy: Yeah, right.

Chapter 30: Dark Cosmo?!

Sonia: And it's spoiled! *sarcastically claps* Great job!
Akiko: Okay, I'm up. What'd I miss?
Miyuki: I don't want to know.
Tails: *hands Akiko a paper* All you need to know is here. And Miyuki? You're going to have to know.
Miyuki: *groans*

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Tails still couldn't believe that Cosmo was alive, as he was still on his hands and knees and still crying a little.

Tails: And all of this emphasis is still annoying.

It seemed like the best thing to ever happen.

Amy: *bitterly* Like Cassy said... you don't deserve happiness.
Manic: Well, the title spoiled it. Just wait for the rug pull.

To Tails, at least. It also seemed like a miracle. Cosmo was back. But, how? Well... Tails seems to not be asking himself that, when he probably should.

Tomoko: Dragon magic.

"Heh heh, pull it together Tails. You're happy to see me, and you can't believe I'm back. I get it, okay?" suggested Cosmo.

Sonia: One, how is that a suggestion?
Sonic: Two, she's still wooden. A cheap guitar could outact her.

Tails knew Cosmo was right. Tails quickly got over it, got up, and grabbed his weapons while he was getting up as well. Tails looked at Cosmo, and was smiling a pretty big smile.

Manic: I guess the weapons gave him super puberty, too.

"Um..." started Cosmo "You seem to have changed"

"Yeah." remarked Tails

Miyuki: *while reading over Akiko's shoulder* Yeah, for the worse.

"And, for the best, it seems. I could tell you were badly underestimated

Manic: *sighs heavily, mixes up a Sonic Screwdriver*
Akiko: He's gonna hate that word for the rest of his life now.

by your friends. But now, you've pretty much prevented it now, huh?" realized Cosmo

Akiko: By alienating them. Great job. Some "friend" he is.

"Heh. You've still got it, huh?" realized Tails, as he rubbed the back of his head with his right hand

Tomoko: I already know what joke's coming. I don't need to say it.

"Yup, I guess I do" smiled Cosmo

Tails and Cosmo just stood there, smiling at each other, not saying anything for awhile. Until Tails finally got serious and stopped smiling and had a serious look on his face.

Tails: I think the fic's on repeat. Who hit the table?
Miyuki: Someone reverse the fic! I wanna know if it'll play some satanic messages!
Tails: It's giving out satanic messages right now! We don't even need to do anything!

"Cosmo, did you see those dragons?" asked Tails

"Yeah, I did" replied Cosmo

"You wouldn't happen to know where they came from, or who's controlling them, would you?" asked Tails

There was a small smirk on Cosmo's face, but Tails didn't notice it.

Sonic: Intelligence level: Zero.
Amy: How does someone go from rivaling Eggman's intelligence to... this?
Miyuki: Simple. This fic exists.

"No... I'm afraid not..." replied Cosmo

"Oh... okay..." remarked Tails as he looked down at the ground

Sonia: And yet he believed that fake Cosmo. See, that's the trademark of Gary Stus. Their penis... or penis substitute... almost always makes them dumb or turns them into complete assholes around their love interests. Yes, he's allegedly eight, but he's suffering from that infamous trait.

"But, don't worry. I'm sure the perpetrator is around here somewhere, right? Want to look for whatever it may be together?" asked Cosmo

"Sure!!" smiled Tails

Akiko: *stops reading* Uh... he killed dragons? And one more thing... he's dumb.

Cosmo started to walk away, and Tails followed her, and Tails was smiling. The voice contacted Tails again.

Manic: Oh, no. Go away.

"For awhile now, I've felt that you've missed someone really dear to you for a long time now. Is this that person?" asked the voice

"Yup. Her name's Cosmo" informed Tails

"I'm happy for you" informed the voice

Tails: *flatly* How informative.

Tails followed Cosmo for only a short while. Tails stopped, and noticed something he should have noticed a long time ago, but was to caught up in the fact that Cosmo was "back."

Akiko: Yet another spoiler. Seriously, this fic's bad at building suspense.
Tomoko: It's bad at building everything else, too.

Her skin... looked scaly. Like that of a dragons. This pissed Tails off.

Miyuki: Not our fault that you were too damn horny to notice.
Sonia: Horny simpleton.
Sonic: *snickers*

He couldn't believe it. Not only did this "dragon" trick and lie to Tails, but also it impersonated his loved one, Cosmo. Tails snapped.

"You're... not Cosmo, are you?" realized Tails

Manic: Dur-hay, you freakin' dumbass. Of course Cassy was right.

"Cosmo" turned around and looked evilly at Tails, with dragon-esque eyes

"Very good. It took you long enough to notice" remarked "Cosmo."

"You... ASSHOLE!!!!!!" exploded Tails

Sonia: And Kyo was right. There's the out of character cursing.
Amy: Too bad the exploding wasn't literal. Could've saved us the trouble.
Tomoko: Says a lot coming from an exploding hedgehog.

"How DARE you trick me into thinking Cosmo came back and was alive!!! Not only that, you've disrespected her by impersonating her!!!" boomed Tails

Tails: Uh, to take a page from Kyo's book... you played yourself.

"Well... you should have know better" started "Cosmo" "You should know that Cosmo is dead and nothing can bring her back"

Miyuki: Wait. The dragon's scolding him for his horniness?
Amy: Yeah, but you know that tricking the Stu is a cardinal sin.

"Actually, you're right. I should of known. However... not only will you pay for what you've done, whatever your ambitions may be will be stopped" declared Tails

Whoever this "dragon" is, it's an asshole for impersonating Cosmo. Let's hope Tails kicks its ass...

Tails: Even the narration has to swear. *sarcastically* Quality writing.
Sonia: Wait, wait, wait, all of this buildup, all of the alienation, all of this game breaker stuff was here... so he could kill some random dragons? This is supposed to be the "glorious" plot twist? This is supposed to be the big bad that literally came out of nowhere?
Manic: Feels a bit Kusanagi-esque.
Amy: Sort of. I think this is supposed to be the main threat that was mentioned in the first chapter and promptly forgotten about until now.
Sonia: Then the so-called big bad has no characterization at all. That means that it's here just for Tails the Stu to beat up! That's absolutely terrible writing!
Akiko: It's the giant space dragon from Randomville!

To be continued...

P.S.: Such language... ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Sonic: You wrote it. Why're you scolding your own Stu for swearing?
Tomoko: And the narrator didn't scold himself for swearing.
Miyuki: Wow. Nice double standard there.

Note: Intense battle.

Tomoko: With "intense duel slashing combos". Nobody liked the shitty fight scenes before, and nobody's gonna like the shitty fight scenes now. Stop trying to hype us up.

And, yet, it may be an emotional battle as well...

Manic: *ignores the fic* Uh-huh. Whatever.

Chapter 31: A Fake Cosmo!!

Akiko: Yeah, we knew that! Didn't have to tell us twice!

---------------

Tails was just unbelievably pissed off.

Tomoko: How do you think I feel reading this junk?
Tails: It's not just you...

He was pissed at whoever this "dragon" was that impersonated Cosmo, and tricked Tails into thinking that Cosmo was somehow alive. Not only that, the asshole was still in Cosmo's form. Which just made Tail even madder.

Amy: Don't make him madder!
Sonia: Just one Tail. Clearly, his name isn't Tails anymore.
Tails: I lost a tail because of all the edge.

He spoke next in a kind of growl, low voice.

Miyuki: We know, you're edgy. Who cares?

"Why are you still in Cosmo's form? You won't show me your true, ugly, face?" asked Tails, but "Cosmo" didn't say anything, so Tails continued.

Manic, Akiko: *sings* Oh, show me your true ugly... the stranger you move, the sweeter you become...
Sonia: Why are the commas so abused in this fic?
Miyuki: And why is he still talking? Nobody cares. Just get to the dumb "fight" and bore us.

"Do you seriously think that if you stay in Cosmo's form, that I'll hold back? I already know you're not Cosmo, so, I'll have no problem slicing you up, and kicking your ass." announced Tails.

Sonic: Clearly in character, folks!
Sonia: Seriously, making a character edgier is just going to annoy the audience.
Amy: Edgy dork timeline. You know that this fic didn't age well because it's from the edgy dork timeline.

"Cosmo" finally spoke.

"You know, I didn't just copy Cosmo's look, which is why I'm still in her form. You'll soon see that I copied much more than that" informed "Cosmo."

Manic: Everyone else? Her soul? Will this get interesting?
Sonia: We've seen this Stuthor's writing level up to this point. We've seen said level decrease as this fic went on. You know that the answer to your last question is a heavy and resounding "no".

Tails got in his fighting stance, and "Cosmo" just stood there. But, the voice contacted Tails again

Manic: Not again!
Tails: Yes, again.

"I can't believe it. Not only has a dragon copied your friends look, it tricked you, which pisses ME off as well. Go all out" suggested the voice

Miyuki: Now everyone's sounding the same. It's just one giant blob of suck.

"I plan on it" assured Tails

Que: "The 13th Struggle" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

Tomoko: Now the suck blob's gonna get bigger.
Akiko: Hope it doesn't consume us. I kinda like not being absorbed by blobs of... suck.

Tails' eyes glew orange and he exploded in the orange aura.

Tails: Once again, it wasn't literal. Darn.

The fight hadn't even begun yet, and Tails was already in the state that he kicked Sonic's ass in. This... may not take long then.

Sonic: Oh, sure, bad enough that you had to open the wounds. Now you gotta salt them, Stuthor? Why do bad Sonic fic writers hate me so much? What did I do to deserve all of this?
Tomoko: Exist.
Amy: Yeah, you're the main character. Bad writers always twist main characters badly. Ask Mr. Kusanagi.

All of sudden, vines seem to come out of nowhere and they tried to whip Tails. Tails couldn't believe it.

Amy: I can. Spank his butt!
Akiko: Lewd.
Manic: *snickers*

So this is what "Cosmo" meant. It not only copied Cosmo's looks, it seemed to have copied Cosmo's moves as well!!

Miyuki: Yeah, that's what happens when copying is applied. Jeez, quit holding our hands so damn much.

Which might be bad, since Cosmo's moves were plants/nature.

Tails: *annoyed* We know.

But, Tails easily zigzag dashed towards "Cosmo", easily reaching her as well. He then really sliced up "Cosmo" with his intense duel ground slashing combos,

Sonia: *takes two shots* I'll pick up where Manic and Kyo left off on their shots. What's the number?
Tails: Thirty-seven now.

which Tails quickly turned into his intense duel aerial slashing combos

Sonia: *takes two shots* Thirty-nine.

after throwing "Cosmo" into the air with an underhand backward slash with his right weapon. He ended it with his X cross slash

Sonic: Who's taking a shot for that?
Miyuki: I will. *takes a shot*

that forced "Cosmo" to hit the ground, and she hit it hard.

Amy: Seriously, we should've added a shot for that one, too.

"Cosmo" jumped up, though, and relentlessly threw the vines at Tails. But, Tails just used his state to disappear and reappear in random areas, always reappearing closer and closer to "Cosmo" until Tails reappeared right in front of "Cosmo" again and did his same intense combos as he did before, ending the same as well. This made "Cosmo" hit the ground hard again.

Sonia: *takes a shot* Forty.
Sonic: Someone's gonna have intense alcohol poisoning when this fic's done.
Manic: Intense duel slashing alcohol poisoning.

But, again, "Cosmo" just easily jumped up again.

Tomoko: We know she's fake. You don't have to add quotations every damn time.

Next, tons of, and huge, thorns started spiking out of the ground that Tails stood on. At first, Tails just ran around "Cosmo" in counterclockwise circles, but, Tails realized it wasn't getting him anywhere.

Akiko: Just like this boring fight scene!
Miyuki: *bored* Uh-huh.

So, Tails flew into the air, since the thorns were in the ground, but, the thorns just grew to where ever Tails was in the sky!!

Tails: Am "I" really that dense enough to not figure that out?
Tomoko: Yep.

So, Tails just landed back onto the ground, ran in the circles more for a bit, then rushed toward "Cosmo" with the thorns following him!! But, Tails reached "Cosmo" and was able to do his same intense combos as he did before again, ending the same way as well again, which also stopped the thorn attack.

Sonia: *takes a shot* And it ended with shot number forty-one.
Akiko: Slashed and comboed to intense boredom.
Sonic: Uh... I think you broke the fourth wall, Akiko.
Akiko: Wait, what?
Sonic: Seriously, the riffing's summary literally says that the reader will be "slashed and comboed to intense boredom".
Akiko: Oh. That's something that I shouldn't be proud of, huh?
Sonic: *shrugs* Eh... eh. I dunno.

So, "Cosmo" ended up hitting the ground hard again.

She got up, but was hurt and falling apart, for some reason. Seemed like it was almost over...

Amy: That's one rusty dragon.

"Cosmo" then threw two huge vines at Tails. These vines were as big as the sliding vines in the jungle areas.

Manic: Hit your head? This fic's here to hold your hand.
Sonia: Into a pit of slime.

But, Tails just easily dodged them, as they were so big and so heavy, it was hard for "Cosmo" to throw them at Tails and they came at him slow. But, Tails made it seem like one of the huge vines was about to hit him, but Tails threw it back at "Cosmo" by hitting it with his X cross slash.

Miyuki: *takes a shot*

It hit, and crushed, "Cosmo." She stood up, but, it was over.

End Music

"Cosmo" fell apart. Whoever impersonated Cosmo had no choice but to show itself, it its true form now.

Amy: Why are we supposed to be surprised? It's a freakin' dragon! This isn't suspenseful!

Tails got out of his state and out of his fighting stance. But, he was ready for whatever the thing was. Plus, Tails was ready to give it a beating of a lifetime.

But... what kind of dragon was the thing? Tails was about to find out.

Sonic: It's evil. That's it.

To be continued...

P.S.: Impersonator... ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Miyuki: *repeatedly bashes her head on the table*
Tomoko: You're gonna get brain damage, Fujiwara.
Miyuki: Reading this stupid thing's giving me brain damage!

Note: This... may get a little weird, but it still may be intense as well.

Sonia: You know what? Just chug a whole damn bottle of vodka every time the Stuthor claims that a bad fight scene will be "intense".
Sonic: *turns to the audience* Don't listen to my sister. Your organs will thank you.

Chapter 32: Dragons Suck!!

Amy: You know, one of the head writer's friends is not going to like that. She loves dragons.

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"Cosmo" broke apart fully and completely and Tails just stood there, waiting for the dragon to show itself in its true form. Something was coming out of the Fake Cosmo's shell, and, it was quickly growing. Tails instantly knew that it was a dragon.

Miyuki: *headdesks*
Tails: Pretty sure that hand holding is also padding. Seriously, why is this fic making "me" even dumber? When is this going to stop being dumb?
Sonia: When it ends.
Tails: And it'll be dumb even then!

Meanwhile...

The Egg Carrier had shown up in the air in the area of where Tails was. But, it was far away enough that Tails didn't see it, but close enough to see what was going on, on the ground Tails was at. Well, Tails could of seen the Egg Carrier if he looked to the left and looked into the sky, but, he was to serious, plus his main focus was on the dragon.

Tomoko: What the hell kinda sentences are these?! This crap is making no damn sense!

Apparently, Eggman had survived and was still alive,

Akiko: Well, that's good... you know, even though we saw all of that offscreen. So... that's lame.

and Sonic and the other were on board as well. They all went to the window, and saw Tails and the dragon.

"Whoa!! Sweet!! We arrived just in time!!" remarked Sonic

"Yeah, but, what's that thing?!" gasped Amy as she pointed at the dragon

"For once, I'm not sure, Amy" informed Sonic.

Miyuki: Remarked. Gasped. Informed. We didn't need all of that.

No one else said anything, either, so that pretty much meant that no one knew who or what the dragon was.

Sonic: Dur-hay! Jeez, what was the point of that scene? Was it there to just say "nobody knew"? It's padding! Stop padding!
Amy: This fic's really insulting my intelligence, and I don't like it one bit.

Back with Tails...

The dragon kept growing and growing until it reached the size of a tall building!! Then, it stopped growing and glared menacingly at Tails with its glowing green eyes. It was a black dragon as well. A conversation began.

Manic: Ah. It's the Dragonzord.
Akiko: Ha! Yeah, right!

"So, you're the dragon?" asked Tails

Tails: *removes his dunce cap, crushes it* I'm so done here.

"That's right. I am Dragonis" informed Dragonis

Tomoko: A dragon... that's pretty much named Dragon. *sarcastically claps* Fucking. Original. My sister writes better stuff, and she's seven!
Akiko: It's the raptor that's named Raptor all over again.

"Why did you come here?" asked Tails

"I came for the chaos emeralds" informed Dragonis

Sonia: Okay... why do you want the emeralds? We only know that you want them just "because". We need a backstory here!
Miyuki: You don't need one. The giant space dragon from Randomville wants the emeralds because reasons.

"Figures" thought Tails

"To bad. Because I've already go them all. If you want them, you'll have to take them from me." informed Tails

"Hmph. Tails..." started Dragonis "I came here quite a long time ago, and no one noticed"

Tails: Same with the audience.

"That explains why the chaos emeralds reactivated, then" realized Tails

Amy: Offscreen.

"But, even since then, I've been watching you, secretly" informed Dragonis

"What?! You're not the..." gasped Tails as he looked down at his weapons.

"No, actually, I'm not the weapons' voice, but, I did see you get the weapons, and, one bit at a time, get rid of your underestimation.

Manic: *chugs half a bottle of Bleepka*
Tomoko: Jesus Christ. Everyone's gotta sound the same.
Sonia: Again, it's proof of this writer's ability.
Amy: Dragonis could've been the voice of the swords so he could use that as a gateway to brainwash Tails. It would've been cliché, but it would've been something. Now it's just... what's the point? This story has way too many dropped possibilities because the Stuthor simply didn't care. He just wanted to write a fic where Tails beats everyone up and hogs the spotlight. That's not a story!
Tomoko: That's a wankfest.
Amy: Yes! Exactly.

Your friends are fools, treating you as a "sidekick" and underestimating you." remarked Dragonis.

Manic: *drinks the rest of the Bleepka, throws the empty bottle at the screen*
Akiko: Just say that you hate everyone not named Tails, Stuthor. Just tell us.
Miyuki: Never thought that I'd see the day where the "Big Bad" is a friggin' mouthpiece.

Tails looked down. Was this really his enemy? He seems to understand Tails...

Amy: Yeah, let an evil dragon soothe your edgy fee-fees. Um, hello? Did you forget that he impersonated Cosmo earlier?!

"No!! Don't listen to him Tails!! He's trying to manipulate you!!!" shouted Sonic, but, of course, Tails didn't here him.

Miyuki: Didn't hear him, either.

"Yeah, but, I'm not underestimated now..." assured Tails

Tails: You! Are! Dumb!

"Are you sure about that? Deep down I know your "friends" still underestimate you..

Manic: Shut up. Everyone needs to shut up forever.

I don't and I won't." assured Dragonis

"Huh?!" gasped Tails

Sonic: ...why is this "protagonist" dumber than a sack of bricks?
Tomoko: Insult to bricks, Hedgehog. They're actually useful.
Sonic: *mutters* Yeah, we can use them to bean him in the head.

"Join me Tails, and together, we'll take over this filthy, wretched world that doesn't respect you, and underestimates you. Together, we'll force this world to stop underestimating you.

Akiko: *looks at Manic*
Manic: *currently face down on the table, groans*
Akiko: Uh... oh, boy.

With the chaos emeralds help, of course. And, if you want to, we'll make the whole universe recognize your strength." suggested Dragonis.

Miyuki: Yeah, okay, Dollar Store Darth Vader.

Tails was speechless for a bit, then laughed, out loud, really loud. It sounded like an evil laugh, so Sonic and the other tensed up and sweatdropped.

Sonia: Our protagonist.
Tails: Yeah... I'm way out of character. This definitely isn't me.

"He's kidding, right?" asked the voice

"If he thinks I'll join him and become evil, he's dreaming" remarked Tails

Amy: Oh, please! You almost believed him like a second ago! Even the narration said it! We're not dumb! Stop trying to make us dumb!

"Hmph. Well... make sure to go all out" suggested the voice.

"Of course..." assured Tails. Tails took out his weapons, got serious, got into his orange aura state, and stared angrily at Dragonis.

"No way. I can prove to never be underestimated just fine with this moment here." informed Tails

Manic: *groans*
Sonic: Guess that counts as a riff, bro.

"Oh? How?" asked Dragonis

"Well... since everyone is watching us from the Egg Carrier over there, all I have to do... is beat you" declared Tails

Akiko: Yeah, all Stu-like and stuff!
Miyuki: I thought it was a threat that Sonic and his friends would have to deal with. Nowhere did it say that Tails was gonna do this all by himself!
Tomoko: Something tells me that we're going to have to burn a lot of keyboards later.

"So... you knew they were there?" asked Dragonis

"Of course." replied Tails.

Tails: No, you didn't. Stop lying. The jumbled narration literally said that you didn't see it!
Sonia: Jumbled Gaslighting: The Fanfic.

"You'll regret that decision, Tails, because no one in this universe has even gotten close to defeating or killing me" informed Dragonis

Akiko: Great. Tails the Stu's gonna be an even bigger Stu.
Manic: *muffled* Just what we didn't need.

"We'll see..." smirked Tails

Just how strong is Dragonis?!

Sonic: Incredibly.

Can Tails defeat him?!

Tomoko: Yes. This crap isn't suspenseful.

To be continued...

P.S.: I'm... not original, am I? ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Amy: No. No, you aren't. I'd make a whole list to prove my point.
Sonia: We'd be here all day.
Sonic: Because you'd add to the list.
Tails: I would add more to it.

--

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