Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 8: Miles "Tails" Prower (Part Ten)

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Slight warning: Apparently... "Tails" somehow managed to go out of character even harder. In the last third of this part, he kills animals without a shred of remorse (but it isn't written in explicit detail).

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Note: Part 2...

Chapter 27: Spinning!!

Amy: Fic's already spinning out of control.
Sonic: Fic left the planet's orbit and it's shooting towards the Sun.

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Tails brushed himself off a little, then got serious again

Tails: *scrunches his face*

and got ready to fight Sonic some more, as he got back into his fighting stance. Sonic, of course, was shocked again as he was wide-eyed and speechless. But, he stood up anyway, got even more serious,

Tails: ...don't make me scrunch my face again.

and got back in his fighting stance as well. Looks like this fight was just getting started... but... the voice contacted Tails again

Sonia: Do we seriously have to place emphasis on every other word here?
Manic: Yes, yes, and yes.

"You see? I told you." remarked the voice

Miyuki: Yeah, yeah, now go away and quit padding this "story" out.

"Yeah, you did, and I regret not believing you, but, this is really ONLY getting started" informed Tails

"Yes, I know, but, now that you're using the power and that you're completely confident in yourself you may have nothing to worry about" informed the voice

Akiko: What power?
Tomoko: Probably some unknown Gary Stu power.

"Yeah, MAYBE" remarked Tails

Que: "Live and Learn" (Sonic Adventure 2 Main Theme)

Sonic started spinning really fast clockwise.

Manic: Twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

Tails knew what Sonic was going to try to do, and Tails just got even more serious.

Tails: Grr... never mind, I'm just going to rip my face off.
Miyuki: I don't know, the "Mortal Kombat" thing isn't a good look for you, young man.

Sonic rolled toward Tails, he was trying to hit and crush Tails!!

Amy: *as she pulls out her Piko Piko Hammer* I can do that better.
Tails: I think you're more on the obliteration side, not the crushing one.

But, Tails just easily dodged the spins by sidestepping and jumping into the air.

Akiko: *bored* Of course he did. You know what, I'm just going to go to sleep now.
Sonic: Uh... really?
Akiko: Yep. Let me know when this stuff ends. *goes to sleep*
Tails: Uh, Aki--
Tomoko: I wouldn't try to wake her up if I were you, Prower. You're just gonna get a nasty case of static shock. And since you have fur, you'd look like a bigger fluff ball.
Tails: I see. *presses a button on his Miles Electric* Hello? Miyu?
Miyu: *appears on the screen* Oh? Hello, Cousin Tails. What's the matter?
Tails: We're going to need Kyo again. Akiko... um, she fell asleep because the fight scenes got too boring.
Miyu: Sleep induced boredom? That definitely sounds like her. Kyo will be there shortly.
Tails: Thanks. *as he switches off the communication* By the way... Sonia, Manic... prepare to drink.
Manic: *sighs as he begins pouring shots* I'm not ready for this.

But, Tails knew he had to stop Sonic and this attack, or he would keep doing it, which Sonic did for about three minutes. Until...

Amy: ...Not-Tails croaked because his heart exploded from stress.
Sonia: Best ending... that's never going to happen.

Tails sidestepped another spin crush attempt by Sonic and wailed on him with his right weapon, easily stopping Sonic's attack,

Kyo: *as he enters* It took him three minutes to just hold out a hand so he could stop a blue ball from spinnin' around?
Tomoko: High IQ, LeMaire.
Kyo: Heh. Sure doesn't look like it. *as he sits next to Sonia* Don't mind me, I'm trying to sit as far away from Akiko as possible. Miyu warned me.
Sonia: As she should have. You want my shots? You get to take a drink every time "X Cross Slash" comes up.
Kyo: Free alcohol? I get to read shit and cram booze down my throat? Sure, I'm in the mood to speed up my brain death. Let's go.

which Tails then quickly turned into his same intense combos as he did before. His intense duel ground slashing followed by his intense duel aerial slashing combos, ending the same way as before, with

Manic: ...four more shots for me.
Amy: No. Five. One for "combo", four more for "intense duel" stuff being used twice. That's five.
Manic: Aww, come on! *takes five shots*
Amy: Twenty-seven. How are you feeling?
Manic: I... ain't much of a drinker. I'm kinda feeling a bit woozy.
Miyuki: Do we need to get Rory?
Tails: Uh... I think Manic should pass his shots to Kyo if he wants.
Kyo: Yes.
Manic: Okay, sure. Save my liver, kill your brain. Deal.

his X cross slash

Kyo: *takes a shot of whiskey*
Sonia: It begins.

that forced Sonic to hit the ground and he hit it hard.

Sonic: ...should've started a drinking game for that, too.
Amy: Our audience is going to die. *turns to the audience* If you're not drinkers, please substitute for a non-alcoholic beverage of your choice. We will not judge you.
Sonic: We should've done that disclaimer a lot earlier.
Amy: Yeah, but we're just making ourselves miserable for everyone's amusement.

Sonic jumped into the air and was spinning clockwise really fast again. Tails gasped, was wide-eyed, and was speechless. He knew what Sonic was trying to do.

Miyuki: Spin like hell outta this fic.
Tomoko: Maybe he can just rip the damn space-time continuum and we can all leave.

Sonic spinned and came at Tails really fast.

Kyo: As Akiko would say... lewd.
Sonia: He's eight.
Kyo: Don't be surprised if that so-called eight year old curses later. Just warning you.

Tails was able to quickly, but barely, able to sidestep out of the way. Sonic was trying to hit Tails with his annoying Homing Attack!!

Sonic: We would like to repeat that there are no author biases in this fic--
Amy: Who're you trying to fool, Sonic?
Sonic: *snickers* Nobody.

Tails quickly started to run in counter-clockwise circles around the area. But, it was working because Sonic always just barely missed.

Tails: Then it wasn't homing. Do you know what "homing" means? His attack always locked onto something!
Sonic: Yes. Enemies, rails...
Manic: ...bottomless pits...
Sonic: I can explain. It's the camera's fault. And the bad hit detection.
Sonia: Excuses, excuses.
Sonic: Hey!

Tails didn't know how to combat this at first, so, this kept up for quite some time; approximately five minutes or so.

Tomoko: How long is "Live and Learn"?
Tails: About four minutes and thirty seconds, if I remember correctly.
Tomoko: Then these fools are just fighting with no music now.
Kyo: Don't worry, the voice is probably replaying the music.

Tails knew he couldn't just let this keep happening, so he would have to try something, so, he did.

Miyuki: More "duel" drinking combos for Kyo are coming right up!

Tails abruptly stopped running in his counter-clockwise circles. Sonic came at him, and Tails slashed him in a horizontal left to right slash with his right weapon.

Sonia: Once again... we know what horizontal means.

Which stopped Sonic's attack again, which Tails quickly followed up with his same intense combos that he did before, ending the same way as before as well, forcing Sonic to hit the ground hard again.

Kyo: Here we go! I'm going to pick up where Manic left off. That makes...
Amy: Twenty-eight. One shot because the word "combo" was... abused.
Kyo: *takes a shot*

Sonic jumped up.

"Sonic Wind!!" shouted Sonic

Tails knew what Sonic was going to do, and, he was about to escape, but, he thought of something, and just stood still.

Sonia: Don't make me beat the hell out of you for the comma abuse.
Manic: Again.
Sonia: Again.

A huge blue tornado formed and blew around Tails, but, Tails quickly jumped and use his tails to blow himself out of the tornado giving him extra speed that sent him right in front of Sonic which Tails quickly took advantage of. Tails did his same intense combos again and ending the same way as well again, which forced Sonic to hit the ground hard again.

Kyo: *takes a shot* Twenty-nine. No wonder I'm here. These are some seriously shitty fight scenes.
Everyone else: We know.

Sonic jumped up again, but, was tired, hurt, and actually seemed unsure of himself. It was almost over... right?! Can Tails finish Sonic off?

Miyuki: Yes, he will. Quit padding it out.

End Music

Amy: End the silence.

To be continued...

P.S.: Um... don't worry. This fight only takes three chapters, so, next chapter is finale. '

Sonia: Oh, thank heavens. I was starting to get even more bored than usual.
Miyuki: You're already bored. It's gonna be what, boredom squared?
Sonia: Boredom cubed.

Note: This may be the last part of the Tails v. Sonic fight,

Kyo: ...where Tails the Stu wins. We know. We don't give a shit.

but that doesn't mean this fanfiction will only be mediocre again.

Miyuki: It's already mediocre. And it's getting worse.
Sonic: No, it's lower than worse. Probably center of the Earth tier.

It means it'll hopefully get better.

Sonia: No, it won't.

Just see for yourself...

Tails: I don't want to. Nobody wants to.
Tomoko: That's why Miyadama's still passed out.

Chapter 28: Finale!!

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Tails was still in his fighting stance and still serious, ready to finish off Sonic,

Tails: This isn't Mortal Kombat. We're not doing Fatalities here.
Miyuki: Fic needs a bit more edge for that.
Kyo: Get some of that good old Bludshot.
Sonic: No.

beat him, and finally, truly, eliminate his underestimation.

Manic: *drinks the remaining portion of Jessie's cocktail*
Kyo: I thought that this was my drinking game.
Manic: You underestimate my anger.

Sonic was in his fighting stance as well, and seemed pretty serious as well, but, Sonic seemed pretty tense as well, and he couldn't calm down.

Amy: I'm not calm.
Tails: You being calm during bad fanfics... has never been a thing.

And, as before, Sonic just seemed unsure of himself, and, Tails noticed all of this. So did the voice, too, apparently; because it contacted Tails again.

Tomoko: Jesus, just go away. We don't need your dumb input.

"This fight is over. Sonic is just so unsure of himself, he's to tense, and, he seems scared as well. You're even MORE confidant about yourself, and, you're still using your weapons' power. It's over." informed the voice.

Sonia: I never thought I'd see the day where a voice ends up holding my hand. Seriously, why is this useless "character" even here?
Kyo: To piss your ass off.
Miyuki: *annoyed* It's working.

Tails just grunted "Hmph" and smirked. Because, he knew the voice was right.

Que: "His World" (Sonic's theme; Sonic the Hedgehog 2006)

Amy: That song is about four minutes and forty seconds long. I better not see that "he did this for five or ten minutes" stuff.

Sonic came after Tails, but didn't use his speed.

Sonic: Excuse me?!
Tomoko: You're really out of character now, Hedgehog.

He simply came toward Tails and tried to punch and kick Tails, but, Tails just easily dodged Sonic's attacks by dodging the attacks when the attacks came near him.

Miyuki: *sighs in annoyance* Of course he goddamn did. God, this stuff sucks.
Tomoko: You switching, Fujiwara?
Miyuki: Might as well, damn it. *gets up* Go get her.
Tails: *sighs, presses a button on his Miles Electric* Miyu?
Miyu: *appears on the screen* Oh, my. Who needs a backup now?
Tails: Miyuki. We need Miyuki's backup.
Miyu: She's not going to like being there, but... okay.
Tails: Thanks. *as he shuts the communication off*
Kyo: *smirks* Too bad, she's gonna have to deal with it.
Amy: And you're smirking. That means that I already know who it is.

After awhile, Tails just sidestepped on of Sonic's attacks and easily started his same combos as before;

Kyo: *takes a shot* Thirty.

his intense duel ground slashing combos followed by his intense duel aerial slashing combos,

Kyo: *takes four shots* What the fuck?
Cassy: *as she enters* I didn't wanna be here.
Tomoko: Neither did we. Now look where we are, Morgan. Sit down and have some so-called "fun". Thirty-four, LeMaire.

ending the same way as well, with his X cross slash,

Kyo: *takes a shot* I'm gonna die.
Sonic: Then why'd you take the drinking game?
Kyo: So I could forget this bullshit later.

which forced Sonic to hit the ground and he hit it hard.

Amy: *headdesks*
Cassy: *points to Akiko* What's with her?
Sonia: Boredom induced sleep. Don't touch her unless you want to be a fluff ball.
Cassy: I've seen her boo at bad fight scenes. She literally got bored at them that it caused her to pass out? How bad is this stuff?
Manic: Horrendously bad.

Sonic jumped up and was angry, but was still to tense.

Manic: It's "too". See me after class. Never mind, you're just gonna fail right now.

Sonic dashed really fast towards Tails and Tails couldn't see Sonic, and it could have been bad, but, Tails just relaxed. He stood still, closed his eyes, and just sensed when Sonic came at him and where.

Cassy: Who does this Stu think he is? Miyu?
Tails: My evil clone doesn't need to be a bigger game breaker...

Sonic was trying to use his speed to seem invisible and attack Tails. But, since Tails was calm, he just easily dodged Sonic's attack again.

Sonia: *rolls her eyes* Of course he did.
Kyo: This is some stupid copy and paste bullshit.

This lasted for awhile, because Tails wasn't sure how to combat it. Until...

Sonic: More magic Stu stuff, Kyo drinks. *sighs* We get it.

Tails flew into the air, with his stomach facing the ground

Tails: I'm pretty sure that I always flew like that...
Cassy: Nah, dude. You have amnesia. You never flew like that.

and he did a vertical, counter-clockwise spinning slash with his weapons that really hurt Sonic.

Sonia: And my brain.
Amy: I just banged my head on a table. How do you think my brain feels?

Tails quickly turned it into the same combos he did before, ending the same as well.

Kyo: And it ends the same for me... with another drink. *takes a shot* And that makes thirty-five.

So, Sonic hit the ground hard again. He got up, but, was way to hurt to continue. Tails beat Sonic!! Unbelievable!!

Amy: Whatever. I'm supposed to be impressed by a result that everyone saw coming five miles away?
Tails: Yes. Because... reasons.
Tomoko: *as she begins chewing on a straw* Yeah. Really is "whatever". Might as well riff on a stack of pillows or something.
Tails: Pillows are useful.
Tomoko: Yeah. Fic could stuff the pillows. It'll make good padding.

End Music

But, as expected, Sonic was a sore loser and couldn't believe it.

Amy: *in an extremely low voice* Kyo. Clear the table.
Kyo: Sure--
Amy: Never mind, just forget that I asked that. *screams as she smashes the screen with her Piko Piko Hammer* Die, die, die!
Cassy: *as she buries her face in her hands* Why am I here?
Kyo: Same reason I'm here. That's it.

"No way!! How did you get so strong?! No one should be able to beat me!! NO ONE!!" claimed Sonic

Sonic: *slowly getting angry* I... never... ever... sounded like that. *points to the wall* I'd point to the screen, but it's on the floor. Thanks, Amy.
Amy: *screaming as she continues to smash the broken screen*
Sonic: Anyway... Stuthor... you should've deleted this fic before we got to it. You're getting no mercy from me now.
Sonia: I guess there's no more Mister Nice Hog?
Sonic: No. More. I'm riffing this thing to shreds.

"Well, I guess not anymore" remarked Tails

Cassy: Eat cat shit.

Sonic growled.

"Get over it..." started Tails "I beat you fair and square, so, I suggest you leave in peace. I hope you'll stop underestimating me now, Sonic."

Manic: *begins choking "Tails"*
Kyo: Good! Good! Let the hate flow through you! *laughs maniacally*
Sonic: So much for me being angry. Now, uh... who's gonna stop him?
Tails: *shrugs, browses on his Miles Electric* Not me. Doesn't help that Kyo's encouraging him.
Tomoko: Least I don't have to do it.
Tails: By the way, um... Sonic? Sonia? You do realize that your groupmates are... losing it?
Sonic: My brain's about to break. Don't know about... uh, sis?
Sonia: *puts orange juice and Bleepka in a small glass, drinks it*
Sonic: Never mind.
Tomoko: Coulda sworn that losing it was the Black Crow's job, but I guess I was wrong.

Sonic said nothing as he turned and left the Mystic Ruin. But, Sonic left his chaos emerald behind. Did Sonic do this on purpose because Tails beat him?

Amy: *as she stops smashing the screen* Why would he be dense enough to do that?
Manic: To throw him even further out of character.

Well... Tails had no time to ponder that, because, and earthquake tremor occurred!!

"What's going on?!" gasped Tails.

Cassy: Hope the ground opens up and swallows your ass.
Kyo: He can fly.
Tomoko: He's not that smart, LeMaire. Fic knocked his IQ points, remember?

The tremor stopped after about twenty seconds. Tails then realized something.

"It came from... the mountains?!" gasped Tails

Tails: If this was indeed me, I would reference the "epicenter". The fact that this writer does not know what that means says a lot about this fic's skills.
Cassy: Why would an earthquake originate from the mountains?
Tails: Hmm... we're in the Mystic Ruins... perhaps the activity in Red Mountain could be the culprit?

Tails quickly took the regular blue chaos emerald Sonic left behind, threw it into his backpack, ran to his plane garage, and got the Tornado ready so he could check the mountains out.

The end was near, and, the new threat was approaching. So... can Tails handle this new threat?

Sonia: Who. Cares? *pours another Sonic Screwdriver*
Cassy: *tries to take Sonia's glass*
Sonia: *slams an empty glass in front of Cassy* Make your own damn glass.

To be continued...

P.S.: Meh. I'm trying, okay? ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Kyo: No, the fuck you ain't. You can't write the same shit over and over and over and claim that you're "trying". Just admit it. You're fuckin' lazy.
Sonic: *sarcastically* Hey! That's criticism! You can't do that!
Kyo: Oh, well. Get over it.

Note: This... might be a little sad. Why? You'll see...

Cassy: It's already sad enough. Why should I care?

Chapter 29: Dragons?!

Amy: *makes a face* Really? We're not in the Archie Comics universe.
Sonic: Get ready for some edge, Ames. Remember what you said.
Amy: *sighs* Edgy dork timeline.

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Tails was flying the Tornado to the mountains to investigate the earthquake that occurred. These mountains had tons of rails as well. Apparently these mountains were apart of, if not it exactly, what Tails knew as Rail Canyon.

Tails: *confused* But... wait... huh? Red Mountain's in the Mystic Ruins, not Rail Canyon! Rail Canyon's one of Eggman's bases! Does this person even know what they're writing?!
Tomoko: No. Research ain't a thing here, Prower.

But, the voice contacted Tails again. Seemed like the first time the voice contacted Tails besides before a fight.

Manic: Oh, god. Not that stupid voice again.

"You did it, huh? You beat Sonic, and now, you have all seven chaos emeralds. Plus, I doubt you'll be underestimated EVER again" informed the voice

Manic: Oh, will you shut the fuck up--
Sonia: *slams a Sonic Screwdriver in front of Manic* Enjoy.

"Yeah, you're right. But, it seems like it's not over yet. Something's going on, and I plan to stop it with my OWN strength" announced Tails

Cassy: It's not your own strength if it's enhanced by those game breaking swords, dude. Just saying.

"Hmph. I see. But, I wonder what's going on?" wondered the voice

"I guess we'll find out..." replied Tails.

Kyo: I wonder if I'm tired of this thesaurus abuse, wondered Kyo.
Sonia: You are, replied Sonia.

Tails landed the Tornado, got his backpack, and exited the Tornado. When Tails got out the Tornado, he took out his weapons, just in case. After riding the first area of rails and landing on the next ground area, Tails couldn't believe what he saw. He was wide-eyed, shocked, and speechless.

Tomoko: Anti-Mary Sue and Gary Stu squad found his ass so they could give him a little "rehabilitation".

There were small, black dragons around the area, just, wandering around.

"What?! Baby dragons?! But who... how...?" wondered Tails

Everyone except Tomoko: *flatly* What.
Tomoko: Doesn't help that the damn chapter title spoils what he finds.
Tails: I'm sorry, but the only reference I can find related to dragons in my world are the small baby dragons that Chao can play with to enhance their stats. I don't... get this. At all.

Then, the dragons noticed Tails, and, as it just figures, they came after him.

Kyo: Fuckin'... *sighs* ...as usual, of course they did. Time to drink.
Sonic: I think half of us already got brain damage.
Kyo: You didn't drink, and you still got it.
Sonic: Really? How?
Kyo: You read this whole thing so far.
Amy: Heh. You went and ran right into that one, Sonic.
Sonic: *sighs* Yeah.

Que: "Tension Rising" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

Tails: *sighs, begins browsing on his Miles Electric* Remember that you start at thirty-five, Kyo.

The dragons came after Tails and tried to claw slash him, but Tails just

Cassy: ...dodged, then he slashes, then Kyo drinks. We know. Who cares?

easily sidestep dodged the attacks and easily killed the dragons with slashes from his weapons;

All: *raises their eyebrows*
Tomoko: Did he just murder some damn dragons?
Manic: Yeah, he murdered some damn dragons.
Amy: Tails. Murder. That doesn't go together.

apparently Tails activated the weapons' sharp ability to hurt and kill things again, and Tails realized it has been awhile since he's had to hurt or kill something, but he quickly got over it.

Tails: Kyo?
Kyo: What a fuckin' asshole.
Tails: Thank you. Also... I would never kill without remorse... or kill in general.

Eventually, Tails easily defeated all the dragons,

Cassy: You misspelled "brutally murdered", jackass.

and decided to start rushing through the area now, to find the source, because Tails knew someone, or something, sent out the dragons and was controlling them, and who or whatever it was must be at the end.

Sonia: So you possibly killed some unwittingly brainwashed baby dragons. And you're the protagonist... why?
Amy: You know... because.

So, Tails made his way through the area, fighting and killing more baby dragons.

Tails: *drops his Miles Electric and grabs his ears* What?! Why?! *tugs at his ears* Why is this a thing?! Why is this even a thing?!
Tomoko: He's a fan of you, Prower. I guess.
Tails: What?! No!
Manic: Seriously, how bad do you have to be at writing... to the point where you get on Tails's nerves? This's some new stuff.

While going through the area, the baby dragons tried different kinds of attacks. Their claw swiping, which Tails just combated the same way he did before.

Cassy: With "duel slashing" combos?

They tried to bite Tails, but again, Tails just sidestepped it and sliced the dragon with his weapons. They also tried to burn him with a fire breath!!

Kyo: If only that happened. We wouldn't have to read the rest of this shit. But alas... *gets out a small razorblade*
Cassy: Did you just steal a blade from me, dude?
Kyo: Yes. And if only I had some cocaine to cut up and snort, it would be perfect.
Cassy: Dude. What the hell?

But, Tails just ran around them in counter-clockwise circles for awhile, then quickly forward dash struck them and then killed them.

Tails: *sobs as he gets out a large glass, puts vanilla ice cream in it, and pours root beer over it*
Sonic: Well, that's one way to drown your sorrows, buddy. Maybe you need a break.
Tails: *as he puts in a straw and drinks his root beer float* No. I want to be here until the end. I don't need Miyu.
Amy: Wow. Angry Tails is a rather scary Tails.
Tomoko: Yeah, you'd know about anger, Rose.
Amy: You'd know about anger yourself... "Crow Left of the Murder".
Tomoko: Oh, someone's done their homework. Touché.

In one area, all the baby dragons did was try to fire breath Tails, but Tails flew somewhat into the air and flew around, slicing and killing the dragons.

Cassy: The killing! The murder! The edge!
Kyo: The drugs! I need some damn drugs to go with this booze!

Tails really didn't have to many problems, after beating Sonic, Tails' confidence in himself skyrocketed,

Manic: ...to the point where becoming a mass murderer was great.
Sonia: Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen.

so, Tails felt like he could do anything, and, he was pretty much right. Eventually, Tails reached the end.

Sonia: End me.

End Music

Sonia: No, I said end me.
Sonic: Yeah, why would you want to throw yourself into your own volcano?
Sonia: Because I need to do it.

There was someone at the end. It looked like a plant, but it seemed to be a girl as well. No... it couldn't be... could it?

Tails: *mumbles* Hmm? We're in the "Sonic X" universe now?
Tomoko: Should've known that this would be a dumb mix and match universe fanfic.

"Cosmo?!" gasped Tails

"Yes. It's me Tails. It's me, Cosmo" replied Cosmo

Cassy: Sounds wooden as hell. She ain't gonna be real.

"You're alive?! No way!! It's a miracle..." stammered Tails

Tails dropped his weapons, and the fell on the ground with a metal "Bang!!" Tails fell down to his hands and knees, and started crying.

Kyo: *ignites a flame* I'll give you a reason to cry, you little shit.
Amy: We'd normally go, "Wait, he's eight!"... but he just murdered animals.

He was overcome with happiness. He couldn't believe Cosmo was back.

But... something seemed a little suspicious about it. Was it really Cosmo?!

Cassy: No. Wanna know why? He doesn't deserve happiness.

To be continued...

P.S.: ...

Sonia: You know, suspense doesn't work when you spoil everything with the most unsubtle hints.
Sonic: Great writing.
Manic: Yeah. Gifted.
Tails: *says nothing, drinks his root beer float*

--

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