Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 2: Brewdening Love (Part Three)

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Chapter 7 - Family Tyes

Sonia: No relation to the correctly spelled television show of the 1980s.

Hey everyone!!!!1 I've got over 20 rewievs, that's epick!

Cassy: Who wants to bet that most of those reviews were flames or constructive criticism?

To the fake Christian who doubts my faith - How Dare YOU dowt my faith!?!?!11

Manic: Uh, I think there are plenty of reasons to doubt it.
Everyone else: And then some.

I shal not be put of the Lord's paht because of FAKERS lik you.

Sonic: Why does everyone and their dog have to steal that overused "Faker" line of mine, huh?

Believe means that we have to stick togather and be nice, so be nice and nt bitchee if you da reel deel mmk? THANK YOU! ;)

All: You're not welcome.

Thank you all 4 reeding this far; I'm reely happy and God Bless You All! Have a nise day and please, NO MOR FLEMMING!11111

Amy: I don't know who this "Flemming" person is. Is it possible for you to give me a hint here?

"Go, and do thou likewise." Thnks all! :3 xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jessie: Jeez, hate, love, hate. What's with all the mood swings here?

ooo "Bear one anotter's burdens." - Luke ooo

Sonia: I'm pretty sure that Luke spelled "another" correctly.
Kyo: Oh, I know what we're burdened with...

It was da next day and I was having brekfast (Erin: Coco Pops, yah! :D)

Miyu: Who in their right mind would mix Cocoa Puffs and Corn Pops together?
Manic: Tastes like a diabetic coma!

and dad passed me the molk. He still seamed a bit mad, but as I said last chapter he can be an asshole so I ignor him.

Cassy: Says the asshole.

"So Joan tell me more aboat Edward." Asked Dad.

I was scholked! Dad has never wanted to know about my boyfrends b4;

Sonia: Plural. Again, she has boyfriends.
Manic: *sarcastically* What a heathen.

it was so unlike him to give a shit even when he was not drinking!

Amy: Maybe it's because he doesn't want to see you turn up dead.

"Well" I started, "He's about my age, he's in a few on my classes and he's really ubeh hawt. We met a while ago and now we r going out!"

Miyu: All thanks to the new "Dating Game"!

I didn't tell him about the pormiscuity though, because it wasn't Edwerd's falt I just smelt that god for him.

Jessie: *coughhussycough*
Kyo: Speak for yourself, Jess.
Jessie: At least I use protection, Fox Boy.
Kyo: At least you do.

I thought and frowned because it seamed it might be hard to overcome da bloodlust.

Manic: Just replace your blood with oil. I'll get Sektor and Cyrax to help you out.

"That is grate Jone! I am hapapy for you!"

Cassy: Yes, I'm happy that we're grating Joan, too. Uh-huh.

"Thanks dad!" I hugged him then left because he'd hit the bottle soon and becum a total fuckhead. Sometimes i wonder if he's even my fater.

Sonia: And sometimes I wonder if you're even a good narrator.

Edwred was at school when we arrived, and he introdouched me to his family propper.

Amy: Intro... douched? Won't that hurt a lot?
Kyo: It depends on where you stick it, Amy.
Amy: *cringes* Yeah...

"Hey I'm everyone, Joan!!

Sonic: If she is everybody, then we are so boned.

And I'm currently dating your spunky bro here!" I said and hugged him tightly. He blushed and huggled me back. :3

Miyu: He... blushed?
Jessie: It beats listening to him giggling, I can tell you that much.

"Yeah, I herd." Said Rosalie.

"Has he told you we're Vampires?" Asked Alice askingly.

Kyo: And then my brains leaked out leakingly.

"Yah he has, and apparently I smell hawt!" I roared happily.

Sonia: Care to repeat that? Maybe some trackers like James didn't hear you loud enough!

Everyone laurfed but then went serious. Emment told me seriously: "It's tru tho. I suffest you be careful until we adapt to your scent. We have to b carful around you for a while mmk?"

Manic: *attempting to type* Um... liek... ttly. BFF?

I nodded, and Jenny pooped into my mind.

Everyone except Jessie: Eww!
Jessie: Well, her thought process is crap.

I had to tell Jaser! "Oh btw Japster," I told Jasper adorabliy,

Amy: Well, the third time's the charm.
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Even though the second time was unintentionally offensive.

"My friend Jenny thinks your a big and sexy guy. I'll tell her abot the Christian Vampire thing and you 2 can date ja?" He blushed and nodded. (Erni: See Jen-Jen, I DID THIS FOR YO!!! ;2)

Cassy: And then a shot rang out. Witnesses claimed that it was embarrassment on the Internet.

We were getting along great after awhile and soon we walked into the Cafeterra.

Manic: Made from real Earth!

I was talking about the girls and dressing tips - I was wearing a long white sweater with a flooing red skirt and stocksings and heals, and my hair was in epik ponytails and I had red mascara. They were wearing nice things too.

Sonic: This just in: Nobody cares.
Kyo: Yeah, and notice how Erin -- I mean, Joan -- got all of the detail in what she's wearing while everyone else got the description finger.

We talked and talked,

Sonic: And I grew bored and became impatient...

and then they all froze, and Edward........smacked me to the ground!!1 :o

Kyo: Yes! I don't know why I'm so excited about that, but yes!
Miyu: Oh, my! As if Edward wasn't already abusive, we have to deal with that random... um...
Jessie: That "why did you make me hurt you" crap?
Miyu: There we go.

THEN THROUGHT THE WINDOW CAME JAMES AND JUMPED RIGHT INTOP OF ME!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111

Amy: And then an awful sex scene was written!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Manic: Can we have a "b" placed before all of those "o"s there?

Hope you like that, and I hope you like th dayt wifth Emment Jenny! :D

Cassy: *sarcastically* Yes, wish fulfillment with a fictional character is extremely virtuous. You're on the right path to life.
Amy: Never mind that it's the wrong "brother"...

An thanks to all you out there, really I love you all.

Kyo: And Erin'll be off of her meds once the next chapter begins.

Next chapte is an EPIC FIGHT BETWEEN.................EDWARD AND JOMES! :O Dun Dum Dun!

Jessie: It won't be logical until the word "fail" is after "epic".

See, I'm deviating from da book now.

Miyu: *sarcastically* Plagiarism is wonderful, children!

I'll be using 'creative sinnarios' now!

Sonia: Note that those words are in quotations.

ENJOI! :D

Sonic: And the next rage face begins in one nanosecond.

Chapter 8 – Music

Kyo: I hope that "Taps" is the choice. Hey, does anyone here know how to play the trumpet?
Cassy: *slowly raises her hand*
Kyo: You?! But how--
Cassy: I've been playing since I was nine. Parents made me play it.
Kyo: Well, then. Go, Gothic Satchmo Cat.

Eirn: The excliting conclusion to the fight in the previous chapter! :O

Amy: Conclusion? The fight didn't even start!
Manic: Of course she'd be the only person who would find this exciting.

Also, again thanks to all who have red this far - may the Lord bless you and the Lord keep you until the tim comes you passeth unto his relm.

Sonia: The Lord also suggests a healthy dose of spellcheck.

Also, Jenny says hi! xD

Sonic: And I'm saying that you should get on with it.

ooo "Fight the good fight." 6:12, Timothy 1 ooo

Miyu: Oh, my! We have an actual Bible passage here!

I screamed loudly as Jomes crashed into me.

Cassy: And then he sped off. Worst hit-and-run ever.

I fliaded my arms around, and his teef came out and RIPED INTO MY ARM THOUGH MY WHITE SWEETER!!111

Amy: Well, your sweater's not made of diamond! Of course he'd go through it!

I scrome and failed my legs about and somhow hit him in the groin and he got off.

Jessie: Oddly, I assumed that the groin would be the hardest part on male vampires.
Everyone else: *stares at Jessie*
Jessie: Stop looking at me.

Da girls dragged me away as best they vould, and everyone else was screaming and running arond withe room!

Miyu: *pushes glasses up* You know, I don't remember James tormenting people in various public locations.

Jomes rawred at me and I could see da Blodlost in his eyes and it was scarry!

Sonia: This sentence was just as scary. Look at how it was written!

I got up to may feet and Jasper protected me as Iminant and Edsare came onto Jams!

Cassy: Imminently, he ate some lovely jams with Sir Edsare.

Emmertt smacked the fukca into the ground

Sonic: Oh, great! Primavera's the narrator now!

and Edward jumped on top of him and started beating him pu!

Manic: He beat his poo? Eww.

Edward looked so sexi as he pounded into Jawms.

Kyo: Whoa, that's not a fight! Didn't know that Erin was into that sort of stuff!

I was cring because I was sad that Edward would be hurt.

Jessie: I was crying because this was basically "Plot in a Box".

JAMES KICKE DEDWAD OFF!!!!111 :O :O :O :O!

Amy: I didn't know that she had four faces. Maybe we should talk to the MIB about this.

THERE WERE FLYIG EVERYWHERE!!!!111

Sonia: Peter Pan could do a better job than this.

Da tables got nocked over as they flew about the room, and everyone was strill screaming who had staied.

Miyu: So everyone screamed at everyone else because they stayed? I'm confused.

Alice and Rodemary escorted me to the doors.

Jessie: Rosemary. The lobotomized sister of Rosalie.

“What are they going to do to him?” I asked alice.

Cassy: Eat him... in more ways than one.
Miyu: Cassidy...

“They are going to burn him if they kick his ass!” Jasser told me.

Kyo: And nobody asks me to commence burning rituals.
Manic: Well, that's because you're one notch away from becoming an arsonist.

I knew they would do that too kill him. So he wouldn’t try to ate me again.

Sonic: So why the hell did you ask in the first place?

Jenny took me outside and we sat on a table outside.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Yes, I'd surely love to go outside... and run far away from this nonsensical monstrosity.
Sonic: Yes, in order to solve all of your problems and to get the "bad guys" away from you, you just go outside.
Sonia: I really wish it was that damned easy.

I was nervous not only because of Edward but because I was still kind of beleding from Jame's bite, and they were Vampires.

Kyo: No, really? What was your first damn clue?
Cassy: And apparently, hospitals do not exist. Wonderful.
Miyu: And shouldn't Joan/Erin be a vampire or dead now? Never mind, I forgot that there was no actual plot.

But then Edward came over to me and haggled me.

Amy: Wow, girlfriends certainly do come at lower prices!
Manic: Last time I checked, that's not how gold digging works.

“It’s okay he is gone now. Ement is going to take care of the body. Why don’t you come back to my place?”

Jessie: What, no detailed fight scene? What the hell?
Sonia: Wow, this is boring... just like the actual book.

Ok i said and went with Edward to his house.

Kyo: And then he ate her, right? At least let my pipe dream come true here!

The parents were out hunting for dear

Miyu: ...John.

(Edward tol me that's how they eat, they don't eat people which makes me happy) and went to the lounge.

Sonic: And that made us unhappy.

The girls went somewhere and so did Jsaper - we were alone.

Amy: Yep, no effort. Just magically alone.
Cassy: Now Emmett's a girl, too? Whoa, this writing's off the wall here.

I was still a bit sad but Edward hugged me and i felt better.

Manic: You're going to have to do a lot better than that to make me happy.
Sonia: How about some Cookies and Cream ice cream?
Manic: Awesome.

"Why did that happen? Who was that Edward?" I asked unhappy but in his arms.

Miyu: Yes, I'm sure that hugs enable you to be in the recipient's arms.

"That was James. He is a problem vamtpie from another clan. He still ates people.

Amy: *as Edward* But we don't care about those poor victims because they weren't you or Bella.

But now he is dead and he'll nether bother you again. But now listen, there is something I want to show you."

Sonic, Manic, Kyo: A dead body?
Sonia, Amy, Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: *flatly* Piano solo.

He walked over to the radio and turned off Relient K, then walked sexah to the piano.

Sonic: *singing* I'm too sexy for my walk...

I was excited as he sat down at his piano and started to play a song.

Jessie: I hope it's the "Funeral March".

As he played it became clear Edward was such a good penist.

All: *laughing*
Miyu: *nervously adjusts glasses* Oh, my, my, my!
Manic: Best misspelling ever.

It was B Minor but i couldn't recognise the song. It soundsed nice and organy like Catherdrals sometimes have playing.

Miyu: How can piano playing sound "organy"? I'm not understanding that.

It was so beautiful that i cryed again, but in a good way.

Kyo: I cried... because nobody would splatter her ass over the pavement.

As he played to me and i smiled happy and forgot what had happend earlier.

Sonia: Yes, it's easy to purge the fact that you almost died earlier!

The window smashed open and OH NO IT WAS JHAMS AGAIN!! ;'o

Amy: Ah, the power of odd resurrection. Neat.

(Erin - HE RUINS EVERYTHING FOR JOAN@!)

Cassy: And I'm supposed to care how...?

"ARGH!" I creamed and

Manic: ...somebody left to get some towels for that mess.
Miyu: ...I nearly vomited.

ran behind Edward who stood up from his piano and started to fight James again.
"I thought Emmlet burnt him!!1” I sad sadly as Edward threw him back out the window and leppet after him.

Jessie: How the hell would you know?! You didn't see it!

I ran out too to watch as Edward bashed James again. His fists smashed into and already broken faice.

Sonic: Well, you gotta admit, that part had more effort than Steph Meyer's crap.
Sonia: Barely.

Then out of no where came Em

Cassy: ...inem.

(Erin - Ok I'm shortening it to Em because I have troulve with his name - I do this for you, kind reeders!)

Kyo: No, you did it because you're a lazy bastard.

and Rose and Alice and Rose.

Amy: Oh, so Rosalie cloned herself!

They grabed james and kniocked him the fuck out. >:3

Miyu: And we're back to Mrs. Meyer's style of writing... with curse words and emoticons added.

‘He will stay dead this time.’ Edward told me as he ran over to me and swept me into his arms. "He wont hurt you agsin."

Manic: That's what you said the last time, you doof.

I nodded and kissed him and he kissed me back and he took me inside again anfd to his room.

Jessie: Are we getting another boner killer scene?
Cassy: Doesn't matter. No guys had any boners while they were reading this.

He put me on his bed and layed me down. And sat next to me, he stroked my hair as he hummed to me.

Sonic: Guys? Is Eddie acting a lot less... uptight?
Kyo: Yep. And it's scaring me a bit.

I was still upset by all the fighting but he made me feel better. I went to sleep next to Edward. Edward told me he would question Em how James could stillbe alive in the morning.

Sonia: Maybe it's because he didn't tear him apart and burned him like he was supposed to do!

When I woke up it was dark and I realised I was back in my own house. Edward was sitting nexct to me smelling at me. I sqat up in bed.

Miyu: You can't squat and sit. Make up your mind, please.

‘Did you bring me hear?’

Amy: What?! Did you say that there is fear?! Speak up, will you?!

‘Yes I did”
‘you’re so sweet’ I told him and coddled him playfully.
‘so are you.’ He told me and laid next to me.

Kyo: I'm pretty sure that I got diabetes after reading that.

I looked at how sexi his hair was and how sexi his eyes where. He wasn't wereing a shirt. I flicked his nose softly playfuly and he liked my finger and protented to nibble it. I giggled and he did too. Then I feel asleep again.

Cassy: When "sexy" turns into chamomile tea!

As I slept I had a Nighthorse about james.

Sonic: That's okay, I had a Nightgeese once.

He had come back alive and he was shooting at me with a gun and telling me he would eat me agter.

Amy: Why the heck does he need a gun?!
Jessie: Well, that's because everything moves slower or dies when it's shot. Either that or he needed a little assistance because he has a random bad leg.

I was running but i couldn’t run

Sonia: So... you never ran in the first place...?

and then he jumped on me and i went black.

Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Yes, I believe that is what happens when you go too close to the sun. I'm also set to go beige soon.

Wenty I woke up the next morning he was gone, but his scent lingered in my nostrals.

Manic: Whoa, what the heck did you do last night, missy?

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kyo: Oh. So that's where my bowl of Cheerios went.

Thanks agan for reeding.

Sonic: I'm more of a wading person myself.

Anyway, I'm thinking of having a competition!

Cassy: If the competion had to do with not laughing at the story, we just lost.

I want a nother character in my story, so give me a basic description and yeah you'll b in soon. Cya next time! xoxoxooxoxoxoxox

Kyo: *writing in a notebook*
Miyu: What are you writing, Kyo?
Kyo: A basic description, Miyu. Let's see... big breasts, red hair that's in a braid that goes down to her butt, wears a shirt that says "I make this shirt look good!"...
Sonic: Yeah. Can't get any more basic than that, man.

Chapter 9 - What happends because of bertrail

Jessie: Okay, now we're purposely not making any sense.

Ok, I tried ignoring u flaemrs but sereosly - STOP IT. IT ISN'T NICE. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING MEAN WHEN I DID THE GOING TO HELL AND SINAR BIT BUT NOR I SEE I WAS WRITE!

Sonia: Yes, you don't know how to write. What else is new?
Sonic: And all meds are off!

YOU FLAMERS ARE EVIL! HELL FOR YOU LEST YOU CHASNGE OUT WAYS! I AM BETTER THAN YTOU BECORSE I'M RESPONDING TO ATTACKS ONLY!

Amy: Are you sure? You wanted to smite us all, and now you think you're better than all of us?
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Yes, and I believe that I am now Beyoncé.

SO BE NICE OR I'LL REPORT YOUR MEENESS! Epsecially you Phonics, reely!! >: (

Kyo: Phonics: What Erin'll never be hooked on.

Everyone else, who is nice,

Cassy: *as the author* ...and who strokes my easily bruised yet over-inflated ego...

I welcome you back. Enjoy the story! Also, sorry Jenny but Emmery is going to die. :( We'll talk tomorrow when you're over k?

Manic: Hey, I guess we don't have to read anything now! Thanks, you!

ooo "Be ye angry, and sin not." - Ephesians ooo

Amy: Angry's a long shot. I'm just bored.

Today I woke up, got dressed into my blue sheep skin lined sweater, blue Natural fit jeans, the leather uggs and applied Liberal (erin - not that I am oen) blue mascara and Sweet Rose colour lipstick before I waled out early in the morning to da Cullen house to see what was happening because of James.

Sonic: This just in: Nobody cares.

The tazi let me out and he asked for the fare, so I paid him and he left which was good because he smelt like fish.

Jessie: Um, what's a "tazi"?
Miyu: I think she just misspelled "taxi", Jessie.
Kyo: That's it, I'm making sashimi for you all. I would do an insulting fish joke, but that remark made me hungry for some reason.

I walked into the doors and MC

Amy: ...Hammer!

said hello. I said hello back and walked into the lounge room where evry1 was. (Ering: fuck that was an longf descryptshun sorry!)

Sonia: If she wants to see a long description, she should pick up an actual book!

Em was bound and gagged in the middle of da room!

Cassy: Look, the last thing I want to see in anything that's "Twilight" related is an actual bondage scene.

"WTF is goig on?!1/?" I asked loudlty, socked to see him like that - HE HAD BEEN BEATEN HIM IN THE FACE!111 And looked sad.

Sonic: And then he died. Because you told us.

"He did n'tburn Jume!" Edward roared pointing at him with a scrowling fac. "He beatrayd us!"

Jessie: Yes, and Emmett's the bad guy because Edward was a lazy bastard for not making sure that James was gone.
Cassy: And then the Suethor's brain broke when she tried to dechipher Jessie's sensible rant.

I looked at him - cold it be true!?

Amy: No, but the truth is red hot!

I frowned. Everyone in the room looked sad, except Edward who looked pissed and seaxhi.

Kyo: Tch, you should see Miyu when she's angry. Nothing's cuter than being offed "Carrie" style.
Miyu: Oh, I'm not that bad.
Everyone else: Oh, yes you are!
Miyu: Oh, my!

"We trusted him with your life and he betrayed the entire clan!" Edwoed told "And he must die!"

Manic: And then the Sue saves him, right?

It didn't seem fair to me, because even Judas was forgiven - if da Collens were cHristians why couldnt they too forgave?

Sonic: Because they were the Collens, not Cullens. Get your incorrectly spelled family surnames correct, please. Thank you.

"No, give him a second chance!" I proclaimed, "LIKE JESUS DID JUDASS!!1"

Cassy: Can we off the Bible thumping Sue instead? It'll save us a lot of time.

Every1 looked at me, even MC

Manic: ...Breed!

who had bought in cookies for everywon.

Amy: Nothing's happier than bringing cookies to a possible execution.

Edward walked up to me ands put a mussular hand on my soldier.

Kyo: Yep. Now I'm really hungry for seafood.

"Joan we can't let him live. The Load's commandment is 'Thou shall not kill' and he has helped someone try to koll.

Sonia: And she lived as she lived... a total Load.
Sonic: Um, praise the Load?
Sonia: No, not really.

Beyond that he has betrayed the clan -the clan is not a reel family. We are from different people.

Jessie: *as Edward* Yeah, we were all fished out!

But we bound togather because of our values and stuff. He has to di for betraying it all for a meany."

Manic: *as Edward* Not to mention that he took my lunch money one time!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!1" I cried, and cried, and cried! I raqn over to Em and hugged him and told him Jen loved him because I new he was going to die :'(

All: No, really?

Then they surrounded him and killed him with a bat to the head.

Sonic: You can have a body that's hard as a diamond, but your head'll always be squishy.

I ran out, tears flapping from my face as

Kyo: ...they tried to fly away.

I ran through the door and out into the woods, teary and sad!

Miyu: And now we're off to Grandmother's house!

For the first time ever I was annoled with Edward.

Amy: But... you didn't marry him. What's there to annul?
Cassy: *rolls her eyes* Yes, I'd certainly be annoyed if he murdered someone in front of my face.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jessie: Well, how many are rings of fire that we have to jump through?

OMG HOW MEAN! I can't believe Edward did that, but I still lov hymn.

Manic: And He said that you're an idiot!
Sonic, Kyo: Hallelujah!

But Jon (AND SHE IS A DIFFERENT PERSON >: () feels bad. :(

Sonia: Yes, Jon Stewart's a different person.
Miyu: I'd believe you if you would stop switching your character's name with your own actual name.

Lets hope she gets better.

Cassy: I have the razorblades if she wants to do the deed.

Also, ENTER FOR THE COMP!!!!!!!111111

Sonic: What computer?
Jessie: No, it's the competion that we know nothing about.

And again sorrty Jenny! Reely I am.

Amy: No, you're not.

Tomorrow at 1 ok? CYA DOLL! ;)

Kyo: Well, at least she didn't put in the or the address. People would've hunted her down with torches and pitchforks.

--

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