Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 2: Brewdening Love (Part Eleven)

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Note: Sonia will be the final riffer to go solo here. (Her dish happens to be an apple tarte Tatin served with an optional scoop of vanilla ice cream.)

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31 – Suplieses.
A/N: STOP IT NOW YOU MEAN SINNARS THAT KEPT SENTING ME NESTY NOTES SAYING MEEN THINGS ABOUT MY STORI AND ME. YOU JUT HAT ME BECASE YOU WISH MY STORI WAS URS. FUK OF SINNARS.

Sonia: Yes, I certainly envy you because you're typing like a two year old with a terrible nicotine habit.

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Edward turned a coner and we went into a differant street that dint go to the jail.

Sonia: Was it out of this horrible fic?

"Wear are we going?" I assed askingly.

Sonia: I am going to choke her chokingly.

Ward just guggled and dint say anything.

Sonia: Unless he really said, "Why the hell am I giggling?!"

I was staring to get warriored.

Sonia: But you're certainly not a knight.

All these evil foughts pooped into my heed about were Wady was talling me.

Sonia: Well... her brain is smelly mush.

Mabe he dint love me anymore and was going to kull me.

Sonia: Actually, that's not a bad idea! Follow up on that, Edward!

But then we wen into a new town that had lots of shops and houses.

All: Damn.

We parted in the carpart and Ward tolled my hand. He led me alone the street and took me into a shop. It was a resturunt. We were setted at a table.

Sonia: *sarcastically* No, this doesn't sound like the restaurant scene from "Twilight" at all! Why the heck do you ask?

"Oder something to ate." Wadd talled me and I pucked up the menu.

"I will have the low-fat spagetti." I said to the weighter. (Erin: Becase I dont want to ate to many calorgies.)

Sonia: I'd like to see all of the horrid calories in this fic.

Ward got us some drinks of collar. But Wad dint dsrink it becase he was a vampier.

Cassy: So why the hell did he order it?!
Sonia: He probably doesn't want to blow his cover, Cassy. Never mind the fact that he didn't do a good job at that to begin with.
Cassy: Oh.

My fod came and I ate it eatingly.

Sonia: I facepalmed facepalmingly.

I was so hunger that I dint care weather the spagetti was low fat or now.

Sonia: Well, if you're incredibly hungry, cutting back on calories actually isn't the best option.

Ward watched me Sexahily as I ate seductively. He smelled eroctically at me and I feltngood.

Sonia: I think she needs to do a bad food porn show with Kathryn.
Manic: *shudders* Man, Kat couldn't do that right! Er -- Joan's going to make it even worse!

"so why did u brin me to this expansive resturunt?" I assed him happy.

"Becase you are sexah and i love you." Ward said smilingly.

Sonia: Well... at least it was a little better than Serenity's take on it.

Ward paid the money and we walked to the beech sexah like. We were halding hands and everthing.

The waves were pounding the sand and it was rumantic like. The sky was starry and sexah and Ward looked gegoress. I wanned to caddle him heeps.

Sonia: What the hell? How is the sky sexy?

We stod on some rocks and ward raped arond me from behind. He breathed on me and it smelt good, like rarsberrys. He snuffled in my hair and said

Sonia: *as Edward* This is the most boring romance scene that I have ever done.

"You smel reelly good." Then he went in fount of me and bent down on one nee and he had my box in his hands.

Sonia: Uh... are we doing a stealth sex scene here?
Miyu: I surely hope that's not the case.

"Will you marriage me?" He assed in a sexah vouce.

Sonia: Yes, because this is a Sue fic.

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AN: OMG wat will Erin say?????

All: Yes, obviously!
Sonia: Wait... what will Erin say? If this fic really didn't paint the Suethor as delusional before, that just cemented it.

This is so exsiting.

All: No, it's not.

The next chaper is going to be reelly good and exsiting too.

All: No, it won't.

Isnt Ewad sweat? <3<3<3

All: No.

32 – Aswers.

Sonia: Honey, you left out an "n".

Erin: I am not goin to give in to the pessing of the meen sinnars that what me to dye.

Sonia: This "meen sinnar" likes it when her tye-dye shirts are purple. Thank you.

Cos I am gooin to kep righting my stori weather u like it or not becase peeple like my stroi

Sonic: Today's weather report is full of fail and God.
Sonia: I'm waiting for people who aren't willing to snark on it. Do I see anybody like that? No? Didn't think so.

and you are just meen sinnars that r inmanure and like to puck on peeple.

Sonia: Says the racist homophobe.

SINNARS ARE EVIL

Sonia: Therefore, you are, too.

0o0o0o0o0o0o Thyne loves Ward 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

I gassed,

All: Eww!

\"YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111 I said to Ward sexah. I couldnut weight to marri him.

Sonia: Good! Now elope in Vegas and get it over with!

Iit was reely exsiting. Ed smelled at me in a sexah way. We left the restrunt.

Sonia: The restaurant?! I thought you two were at the beach!

When I got hom I went to bed and had a wired dreem.

Manic: I did, too!
Sonia: No more Red Bull for you, Manic.
Manic: Aww.

There was a moon and a big woof that was jay, he was holing sadily but it was hot in a bad way.

Sonia: Look, no human's really going to find anything erotic about animals... unless you're Princess Elise.

He cam up to me and looked into my eye with a big crying eyes.

Sonia: Now his magical eyeballs are staring at the Cyclops. I've learned something new today.

Then he told me he loved me more then ward loved me.

All: *flatly* How convenient.

I woke up scariedly and new I had to see Jay, I snucked out of the rom and took the ferri to were jay lifed. He was aseep when I walled in his room but I wok him up.

Sonia: Yes, I think that's what you're supposed to do to get people to talk to you. Also, why are you going into his room while he's sleeping?

"Jay," I said sexah like.

Sonia: Oh, dear heavens! Stop trying to cram that stupid sexy "fact" down our throats!
Amy: Hey, I thought he was being touched by "evil vampires" in Canada! How the heck did he make it back home?!
Cassy: Really, Amy... you should just relax.

"Yeh?" He said sleepy.

"I think I am making a misteak in marring Ward, I thing I love uyou."

Sonia: *sarcastically* No, this doesn't sound like a botched version of "Eclipse" at all!

Jay looked at me with sexah rust eyes.

Sonia: That's what happens when they're underwater for too long, you know.

"You have to brake of the engaugement. He told me all series like, I had neva herd jay sond so series befour now.

Sonia: Of course, since I'm "reading" the third "book" in this "saga"!

I was crying wet tears becase I was so confussed,

Sonia: As opposed to crying dry tears.

I loved to peeple and that wasn't Christina.

Sonia: But I thought you hated LGBT folks.

But I wanned to marri Wardy but I loved Jay at the same time. What was I goin to do?

Sonic: Try merging them into one person. Saves the trouble.
Sonia: Or how about this... dump one of them!

Then I remambered something

Sonia: Unless it has anything to do with writing this story properly, I'm not interested in hearing it.

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Erin:

Sonia: Oh, dear heavens! It's so bad that she doesn't even know what to say!

34 –Pretender

Kyo: It jumped from Chapter 32 to Chapter 34? Where the hell is Chapter 33?!
Sonia: This is Chapter 33, Kyo.
Kyo: Well, damn! She can't spell, and now she can't count!

AN: THIS IS ABOUT THE EVIL SINNAR PRETENDING TO BE JENNY. U R NOT JENNY, CUZ JENNY IS HAWTER THAT U AND U R MEEN AND EVIL. GO AWAY AND STOP PRETENING TO BE JENNT>

Sonia: I certainly love her magical "see through the Internet" power there.

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Me and Jenny where walling down the stret.

Sonic: They were... plastered!
Everyone else: Shut up, Sonic!
Sonic: Heh.

Jenny was with Fenando and I was with Ward and we wear all halding hands. Then Jenny jumped out from behind a door.

Sonia: Huh? Wait, is this another bashing chapter?
Amy: I hope not.

"NO JOAN, THAT ISNT THE REEL JENNY, I AM THE REEL JENNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1" She scremed scremingly.

Sonia: And then I beat myself beatingly.

With the other Jenny was Jay, they were halding hands. Jay looked at Jenny next to me and said

"WHO IS THAT?"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD" I YELLE. "THIS IS THE REEL JENNY, SHE IS WITH FATNANDO."

Sonia: This is sounding a lot worse than those typical "clone" stories. At least they didn't magically know who the impostor was.

Jay looked all hot and sad and confussed, "But she said she was the reel jenny,"

I was getting anger becase peeple fought i dint kno my best friend foever.

Sonia: Well, we're sorry that they're not psychic like you, Miss Mary Sue.

"that jenny next to you is accualy a devil warshipper." I told jay and then Jenny went weird and turning into VICTOAR.

Sonia: Next on our "Crack Fanfic Matinee", it's "Victor/Victoria: Devil Warshipper"!

She had big fats and wanned to suk my blod and kull me.

Sonia: Yes, high cholesterol can certainly kill you.

"NOOOOOOOOOO, WARDY HALP ME!!!!" I creamed and ward went in from me and started foughting with victori.

Sonia: I seriously tried to process that sentence... and the gears in my brain decided to stop working as a result.

Fenano gabbed Jenny and ran away with her and Jay was halping Ward fight. Ward was holding onto victora wile Jay pounded into her, beating her so she would go away.

Sonia: Ugh... that's the worst "sex" scene I have ever read.

Ward and Jay left victoria in the gutter and came for me. We have to get you home. Ward said and she put me on him.

Sonia: Is Edward a shape shifter now?

Then he was running fast and sexah and climbed throu my window and put me on my bed.

Sonia: I can never understand why everything's so sexy to her.
Manic: I'd hate to see how she'd describe his farting.
Sonia: Don't start, Manic.

"stay with me I assed him.

"Okay I will. He said then he codded me.

All: Clingy much?

The next day I was going to the jail to get my dad. Me and ward were looking sexah together and we where dressed in the same cloths, I was wearing a full length sexah black dress that made my boobs stand out so the judge would let dad go homo. I wore a gold necklass that Ward got me that was made out of reel gold. It sparkled like he did.

Sonic: Nobody cares about your clothes, Mary Sue! Shut up about that!
Cassy: Wait, her breasts were poking out so her dad would "go homo"? Also, what the hell? I thought that it was a "sin" to show off your body like that!
Kyo: "Do as I say, not as I do" happens to be the motto of asshole characters everywhere, Cass.
Sonia: So... Edward was wearing a dress, too? Hey, don't worry, I'm a huge fan of drag queens.
Amy: I think we know who's been taping all of those episodes of "RuPaul's Drag Race" now!
Miyu: Actually... that was me, Amy.
Amy: Oh.

We got to the jail and went to the fat man on the desk. He looked grumpy and meen. I dint like him.

Sonia: Everybody doesn't have to like you, you self-serving horse's ass.
Jessie: Besides, eight people here already hate her.
Sonic: And then we have the readers... so that probably shoots to a few thousand people.

"Hi we want to get my dad out of jail."

Sonia: Yeah, it's not as easy as it sounds, dear.
Manic: At least try the overused file in the cake thing!
Sonia: Were you in a coma when the metal detectors were installed in the facilities, Manic?

The meen man locked at me and said

Sonia: *as the guard* Where's the "Get Out of Jail Free" card that you received when you landed on Chance?

"Why,"

Becase he is inacent. He dont do dugs." I pleased.

Sonia: If you're aiming for an even worse sentence, I'd suggest adding the word "not" between "don't" and "do".
Amy: "He don't not do drugs"? Huh?
Sonia: Exactly.

"I dunt kno, I will have to se." He said growlerly and anger. He got up from his desk and he smelt like BO.

Kyo: Um, Joan? I never read about you taking a shower, and you love to describe yourself in detail so much... so... do you smell like rotten fish and failure today?
Sonia, Miyu: Kyo...
Kyo: I'm certain that I can get away with two scathing comments when she says five thousand of them.

He came back and said.

"You cant have him," He said

"WHY NOT????????????????" I said sad.

Sonia: *as the guard* He's owned by another trainer. Wait, wrong series.

"Becase he is a cheeter. He dint play his tax."

Sonia: Aren't crooked cops wonderful?
Kyo: *snickering* Yes. It's even better now that the brat's miserable!

I got so anger.

All: Yeah, so?

LET HIM GO@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The man laugh at me and said meenly

No, never. We are goin to kull him."

Sonia: Last time I checked, arson that didn't cause any deaths didn't warrant capital punishment.

You cat kull him." I was hard.

Manic: Whoa! Save that for the bad sex scenes, lady!

He mite be a drunk and meen dad but I hat to safe him from the Fat smelly man and the evil sinnar jail.

Sonia: Jails are locations. How can locations sin?

And then I saw

Sonia: ...the end of this piece of horrid tripe?

BRIAN WAS BURNIGN DOWN THE JAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sonia: Oh. Um...
Kyo: This guy's my new best friend here!
Sonia: Like two peas in a pod... as if we needed more pyromaniacs.

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AN: STOP PRETENDING TO BE JENNY U UGLAH SINNAR BITCH.

All: Look in the mirror, hypocrite!

SHE IS PETTYER THAN YOU AND SHE IS SAD THAT U R PRETENDING @ BE HER.

Sonia: Then she is thin-skinned like I don't know what.

GO WAY BECASE WE DONT LIKE U AND WE HAT U.

Sonia: *rolls her eyes* Oh, yes... that will certainly hurt the feelings of the impostors.

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