Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 1: Ultimate (Part Three)

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Warning: You have reached Part Three of this riffing, which contains excessive violence and a character death. Proceed with caution.

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3. On the Fifth Day

Amy: Of Christmas?
Sonic, Sonia, Manic: ...
Jessie: Congratulations, Amy. You now know how I felt that day.
Cassy: I guess they were given five golden rings as well, huh?

Everyone in Knothole got ready for what was coming.

Kyo: Christ, author. You just made it sound like they deserved it.

It was the fifth day.

All: Duh!

Sonic, Knuckles, and Tails stood in front. "You guys ready?" Sonic asked, looking at his friends.

Sonic: *as himself* Because if you're not, I can always hire stunt doubles.

"Yeah. Let's do this." Knuckles replied, looking sternly ahead.

Manic: *as Darkwing Duck* Let's get dangerous!

Tails said nothing. "You okay Tails?" Sonic asked.

Sonia: *as Tails* You do know that I'm not even a teenager, right? This is technically child abuse, man!

"Y-y-yeah."

Amy: Hey, Tails must've joined Shadow under that waterfall!

Knuckles told the young fox, "You know, you don't have to do this."

"Are you kidding?" Tails said as the straightened up, looking at the two. "And leave you guys here alone to fight Dusk? No way."

Jessie: *in a bored tone* Doesn't matter if you stay or not. He's too powerful.

Just then, a line of trees began to fall.

Miyu: *in a gruff voice* Hey, this here's now the property for a new building...
Everyone else: *snickers*

Dusk came out of the forest and stood in front of them, laughing maliciously.

Cassy: *as Dusk* Ah... hahahaha... *coughs* Damn tree debris.

"I see you have a new recruit. But where is Shadow? Did he realize that he is no where near as powerful as I am?

Miyu: *adjusts glasses*
All: Shut... the fuck... up!
Manic: Please!

Ha. A faker and a coward. How sad." Dusk then began to laugh even louder.

Sonic: *irritated sigh* "Faker", says the uncreative line stealing Shadow recolor.

Sonic, Knuckles and Tails became enraged at Dusk's mocking.

All: No kidding!

"Don't you dare call Shadow a coward!" Sonic exclaimed, clenching his fist.

Jessie: *as Sonic* Look, people who are stuck in traffic jams aren't cowards, you!

"Well, what else would you call someone who runs away from an opponent?"

Amy: Well, what else would you call an annoying recolor who won't shut up about how powerful he is?
Manic: *plays a drum riff*
Kyo: *as Jon Stewart* Boom!

"Shut up and fight!"

Sonic: Well, I would at least prefer the "shut up" thing to take effect...
Cassy: *claps* Thank you, dude.

Knuckles said as the three pulled out seven chaos emeralds and fifty power rings. With a flash, they had turned into Super Sonic, Hyper Knuckles, and Turbo Tails.

Miyu: Oh, darn. I can't clap my hands to believe anymore.

Dusk chuckled at the trio's transformation.

Kyo: And this is the same guy who turns into Chaos's diseased offspring when he transforms. Yeah, you're no better.

"I see you are supplying the chaos emeralds and power rings. Oh well. Saves me the energy!"

All: *sighs* Please kill him.

Dusk charged at them and threw a punch. Hyper Knuckles grabbed the punch, and Turbo Tails came and began to punch Dusk in the stomach. They both jumped out of the way, and Super Sonic rushed with his hand charging an energy blast. Dusk dodged him, but then Super Sonic turned around and fired the blast, hitting Dusk in the back.

Sonic: Nobody cheer yet. I have a feeling that this's just going to get worse.
Everyone else except Miyu: No crap!
Sonic: Well, excuse me!
Miyu: Oh, my!

"Losing steam, huh Dusk?" Turbo Tails said.

Sonia: This has got to be the one fic in which I hate the protagonists as well as the antagonist.

"Fool. I'm just warming up!"

All: Blah, blah, blah...

Dusk vanished and reappeared right in front of Turbo Tails. Dusk used an uppercut to get him into the air. Super Sonic and Hyper Knuckles came from both sides, but Dusk just blasted them with chaos energy. When he looked up, he saw Turbo Tails coming with a kick. Barely dodging it, Dusk grabbed Turbo Tails' leg and threw him to the ground.

All: Typical...

Super Sonic came from behind and elbowed Dusk in the back. Stumbling forward, Dusk walked right into Hyper Knuckles' punch.

Manic: You're telling me... that this "powerful" thing just walked into a closed fist like a blind moron?
Sonic: Hope it had brass knuckles in it!
Kyo, Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: *groans*
Sonia, Manic, Amy: Get out, Sonic!
Sonic: But, the poison...!

Dusk backed off from the three fighters,. "I see you've gotten stronger. Unfortunately for you, I am not even at my full power!"

All: Oh, great!
Manic: Will it take him fifty-six episodes for him to reach full power?
Sonic: No, screw that. Give him a nanosecond.

With a flash, he had become Omega Dusk again. "Time to die!"

Kyo: Really? Well, I've saved this cyanide pill for this wonderful occasion!
Miyu: And you better not ingest it, Kyo!
Kyo: You really hate me, don't you, darling?

"Okay guys! We can beat him! We just..." Super Sonic was cut off when Omega Dusk came and kicked him in the stomach. Hyper Knuckles threw a kick of his own, but Omega Dusk just dodged it and threw a punch, knocking Hyper Knuckles into a hut.

Sonic: I guess I should have listened to you guys and went kerplunk on the bridge, huh?

"Am I losing steam now, kid?" Omega Dusk asked as he charged at Turbo Tails. He kneed him in the face, and grabbed him by his tails and threw him towards Super Sonic and Hyper Knuckles.

Amy: As we continue this Gary Stu curbstomp...

"Shadow was the only smart one. He realized there was no way you can beat me. Why can you three accept that?" Omega Dusk asked.

Jessie: *yelling* I can accept the fact that I actually want to rip your bloody heart out with my bare hands and eat it raw!
Everyone else: ...
Cassy: *quietly mews, moves away from Jessie*
Sonia: I guess I don't have to hire Kano for you, then...

Hyper Knuckles, Super Sonic, and Turbo Tails flew at Omega Dusk and began to throw punches. "Now you're just boring me. Surely you've realized you can't hit me."

Cassy: Well, you're boring me because you're still talking.
Sonia: Kyo, can you burn me alive now?
Kyo: Well--
Miyu: No!
Sonia, Kyo: Damn!

Omega Dusk said as he dodged them. He flipped back, and charged at them with his arms out, clothes-lining Hyper Sonic and Turbo Tails. He then head butted Hyper Knuckles, flipped over him, and blasted all three of them with consecutive energy blasts.

Miyu: *yawns*
Kyo: I can't believe that I didn't notice this until now... but when did this Stu turn into Broly?
Amy: Who?
Sonic: In other words, the author's been watching too much "Dragon Ball Z", Ames.
Amy: Oh.

The Freedom Fighters and the Chaotix watched the fight from a distance. "Get ready guys," Bunnie said, "It might come down to us." They all began to get ready in case their friends failed in defeating Omega Dusk, which seemed more likely with each passing moment.

Sonic: Also, the likeliness for an eight person suicide increased by two hundred percent.

Hyper Knuckles, Super Sonic, and Turbo Tails stood, breathing heavily. "This...guy's really tough," Turbo Tails said.

Manic: We got it, he's pow -- tough...

Omega Dusk crossed his arms and cackled. "Do you give up yet? Because this is growing old, in my opinion."

Sonia: Wow... I'm surprised that you actually feel the same goddamn way as we do!
Amy: Hands... throat... strangle...

"...Hell no," Hyper Knuckles retorted.

"Yeah," Super Sonic added, "We'll...fight you until we win!" Just then, they began to flicker, and then they had become Knuckles, Sonic, and Tails again. "Crap! We ran out of power rings!"

Manic: *throws hands up* Way to go... a convenient cop out's coming. You're doing a good job with your Stu, Shadow Pfft.
Sonic: Uh, I don't think that's the author's name, bro.
Manic: Come back to me when I give a crap about the name.

"How sad," Omega Dusk said, "Killing you will be easier now. Oh well." He ran at them and punched Tails in the stomach. He then hit Sonic with a roundhouse and fired an energy blast at Knuckles in a matter of seconds. They landed on the ground, and didn't get up. "Now, if you'll excuse me," Omega Dusk said, "I have a king to kill. If you're still alive when I get back, I'll put you out of your misery."

Kyo: *ignites a flame* Oh, I'll certainly put an end to someone's misery... and it's got "Gary Stu" written all over it.

The Freedom Fighters and the Chaotix watched as Omega Dusk walked towards them. Only a few feet from them, he stopped and observed. "Is this all? I was expecting more."

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* I wish that you would cram your banter into a specific part of your body, but that would be too much to ask, right?

"We may not look like much, but we'll beat you!" Amy yelled, wielding her hammer.

Amy: *holds her hammer* Urge... to kill... rising...

"Oh please. I am the ultimate life form. Haven't you heard? There is no way you can win!"

All: *gets up*
Cassy: Um, you do know that we can't go outside, right?
Sonia: *activates her keytar laser* Yes... but we're going to attack the screen! Do it!
*Everyone uses their abilities to try and break the screen, but unfortunately, it's unscathed in the end.*
Kyo: Ah, jeez. It's... everything proof!
All: *sits down*
Jessie: *sighs* We really are doomed.

"Where there's a will, there's a way!" Ray yelled as they all charged. Mighty picked up a fallen tree and threw it at Omega Dusk, but the hedgehog just held up his hand and laughed as the tree split. Rouge flew at him and threw a kick, but Omega Dusk just dodged it and kicked her in the back. He then grabbed her and threw her into a tree. Antoine ran at Omega Dusk and swung at him with his sword.

Sonic: Can I go to sleep now?
Manic: At this rate... we don't care if you do, bro.
Sonic: *yawns* Cool.

"Do you think a sword will actually do any good?" Omega Dusk said as he grabbed the sword and lifted Antoine off the ground by it. "Now tell me, how do you wish to die?"

Amy: *as Antoine* Vith a side of bacon. Ees that cool?

"I vish to die ov old age..." Antoine said nervously.

Cassy: *imitates buzzer*
Sonia: Oh! I'm sorry, we're all out of that wish. Care to request another?

"Too bad. Wishes don't always come true." With that said Omega Dusk held up his hand and blasted Antoine in the chest, leaving a gaping hole.

Kyo: Congratulations. You've now turned Antoine into Evil Ryu.

"Twan!" Bunnie yelled, tears streaming from her eyes as she extended her arm to punch Omega Dusk. He had to let go of Antoine's limp, smoking body to block the punch.

Jessie: Yeah, thanks for reminding us that he's dead. Really appreciate it.
Amy: *wakes Sonic up* Why not? Maybe he should've blocked the punch with the body, too. Salt the wounds.
Sonic: *mumbles* What'd I miss?
Amy: About four sentences.
Sonic: *flatly* Thanks, Ames.

Bunnie then charged at the powerful hedgehog

Everyone except Sonic: Would you shut up about that?!
Sonic: If I hear that stupid word one more time, I'm going to run somebody over with a pickup truck!

and threw everything she had at him. Omega Dusk's laughing only intensified Bunnie's rage. "Stop laughing, you monster!" she screamed as one of her punches finally connected, but had no effect.

Miyu: *rubs head* So, when somebody finally hits this jerk, it has no effect. Thanks, Shadow Puft!
Cassy: Dude, I don't think that's the author's name, either.
Miyu: My headache's too big to care about that, Cassidy.

"I'm sorry. Did that miserable excuse of a Mobian mean something to you? Well then let me help you join him!" Everyone watched in dismay as Omega Dusk tore Bunnie's robotic arm off, leaving her on the ground in shock.

Manic: Okay, now we're just entering "Kill Bill" territory here.

"You bastard!" Mighty yelled as the charged at Omega Dusk and threw a punch, which Omega Dusk easily dodged. But Mighty continued swinging his arms, hoping to land a blow. Eventually the two stood in at grip lock, equally matched for the most part. "What's so damn funny?" Mighty asked as Omega Dusk snickered.

Cassy: Gary Stu commences the usual ownage in three... two... one...

"You're pretty strong," Omega Dusk replied. "I'll have put an end to that." He then put his feet up against Mighty's chest and began to push off, still holding onto Mighty's arms. Mighty screamed in pain as a loud pop filled the air, signifying the dislocation of both of his arms.

Everyone except Kyo: ...
Kyo: Okay, here's how the murder-suicides will work. Jessie and I will perform the killings before we off each other with the cyanide pills that are under my seat.
Jessie: Really, Kyo?
Kyo: Yes.
Jessie: *sighs* I'm not going to murder my friends. And even if I did, I'd have a hard time discarding their bodies.

Espio turned invisible and tried to sneak up behind. Omega Dusk could only sigh as he elbowed the chameleon in the stomach.

Sonic: Hey, I have an idea! Let's count all of the ass pull powers that Dusk contains!
Miyu: Why do we need to count, Sonic? Let's just settle with the number "infinity".
Sonic: That actually sounds like the most logical answer, Miyu.

"I have a disappearing act too. Want to see?"

All: No.

He then disappeared and rematerialized behind Espio, kicking him in the back of the head. Desperate, Espio grabbed his shuriken and hurled them at the hedgehog, ho caught them in mid air. Omega Dusk then threw them back at super fast speed, leaving Espio defenseless as the blades pierced his skin.

Sonia: Why do we have to waste our time by reading these stupid paragraphs? He just owns everyone.
Sonic: I think my time's been wasted on riffing it. I have better things to do, like inhaling that poison.
Amy: Would you stop with that poison?

Vector charged at Omega Dusk to aid his fallen friends. A savage look in his eyes, the crocodile tried to close his jaws around Omega Dusk's head. The powerful hedgehog,

Miyu: *adjusts glasses*
All: Would you cram the "powerful" crap?!
Cassy: Christ Almighty, dude! Use a thesaurus next time!
Sonic: I wonder who's good at making pickup trucks that can boot somebody down a block or two.

however, held Vector's jaws open with his hands. He then pushed Vector's upper jaw up and his lower jaw down, breaking both of them instantly.

Kyo: *as Kazuya Mishima* You should really keep your mouth shut.
Everyone else: *heavy sigh* Next!

Amy came next, swinging her hammer wildly. Omega Dusk dodged the hammer easily, and then hit Amy's wrist with a chop. Amy fell to the ground, clutching her swelling wrist, which was obviously fractured.

Amy: *grumbles* I... hate... this... recolor...

Rouge flew at Omega Dusk, but he punched her in the stomach, sending her flying into the ground. Seeing Antoine's sword, Omega Dusk grabbed the weapon and stabbed it through Rouge's wing and into the ground. Turning around with a kick, he then shattered Ray's knee.

Sonic: You know what? Forget curbstomping Dusk. Can we just give him a slow and painful death instead?
Amy: I'm giving Kyo that honor.
Kyo: I'm touched, guys.

Sally and Julie Su watched in horror at the brutality of Omega Dusk.

Sonia: You know, this is extremely repetitive.
Manic: Because you can see... oh, screw this.
Cassy: Uh... you didn't break, did you, dude?
Manic: No, I'm fine.

Having been begged to by Sonic and Knuckles, the two agreed to watch safely from afar. "We have to do something!" Julie Su exclaimed as she grabbed her pistol.

Jessie: That's it, sweetie! Just one bullet between the eyes!

Sally responded, "What can we do? We have no chance against that monster!" Julie Su sighed helplessly.

Amy: She sighs helplessy, I sigh in frustration.

"I'm done here," Omega Dusk said as he looked at his fallen opponents. Antoine was dead, and the rest of the Freedom Fighters and Chaotix were crippled.

Sonic: And the world falls... to Captain Dickhole.
Kyo: Shall I make him extra crispy, then?
Sonic: Amy gave you the honors, man.

A voice from behind him caused Omega Dusk to turn around. "Hey, we aren't done yet."

Miyu: We're from the Anti-Mary Sue and Gary Stu gallery. We were sent to obtain some "material" of sorts...
Cassy: Jessie, please collect him.
Jessie: *smiles, adjusts her gloves* Gladly, ma'am. Now, Dusk... this will only hurt you massively and please everyone that's reading this garbage...

Omega Dusk crossed his arms as he watched Sonic, Knuckles and Tails walking towards him. It was evident that the three were in immense pain.

Kyo: No duh, considering that Dusk's the wretched offspring of Broly and Chaos!

"You three can still stand. Amazing."

Cassy: And you still won't shut up. Amazing.

"What the hell have you done to them?" Knuckles asked.

Sonia: *as Dusk* I have ass pulled them, because I am powerful. Any new questions?

"They thought that they could beat me. They have learned their lesson."

All: Blah, blah, blah...

"That's it!" Tails screamed.

Sonic added, "We are going to take you down once and for all!"

Kyo: *as Kusanagi* What have I told you about fighting with your anger...?

As the three charged, Omega Dusk muttered, "It seems you three really want to die."

Amy: Look, Shadow Pizza! We know that they'll get their asses kicked! Do you have to make this stupid fic any more repetitive?!
Sonic: His name is -- oh, never mind.

Sonic, Knuckles and Tails attacked Omega Dusk with everything they had. Sonic threw rapid kicks, but Omega dusk grabbed his leg and slammed him into the ground. Knuckles threw a punch with everything he had, but Omega Dusk ducked and kicked him in the head. Soaring through the air, the echidna landed next to Sonic.

All: *yawns*

"Sonic! Knuckles!" Tails shouted. He turned around and saw Omega Dusk right in front of him. He attacked, but it was no use. Omega Dusk just grabbed him and threw him next to his fallen allies. They all looked as Omega Dusk flew into the air, charging an energy ball.

Jessie: Why didn't I notice this connection sooner?
Sonia: What?
Jessie: Apparently, Dusk is a Pokémon that knows the Energy Ball technique.
Sonia: Huh.

Sally and Julie Su watched in horror as Omega Dusk unleashed the blast. "Oh my god..." they whispered, and then began to weep hysterically.

Manic: Nope, you don't have to try and assist. Thanks, ladies.
Miyu: Um, Sally's not a battler.
Manic: Oh. Well, then. Thanks for nothing, Julie-Su.

"Okay men," Geoffrey St. John said, "We are the only thing that is left between that monster and the king. We need to kill him now."

Miyu: And then they fail, right?

"Kill me? Surely you are joking." Omega Dusk was standing mere feet away, chuckling at the thought of these soldiers beating him .

All: Shut up!

"Fire!"

Kyo: Commit suicide!
Everyone else: Yeah... no...

It was amazing that Sonic, Knuckles and Tails were still alive.

Amy: It was amazing that this fic was still going after all of this boring repetition.

They tried to get up, but couldn't muster the energy. Just then, they saw a figure walk by them.

Sonia: It was rather slim.
Cassy: Another Sonic? On diet pills?
Sonic: *in a falsetto voice* Oh!

"We were wondering... if you were going to come." Sonic said, coughing.

Sonic: *sarcastically* Ey, Kyo. He said "come".
Kyo: *sarcastically* Heh. Funny, Sonic.

"Go kick his ass...we'll be fine." Knuckles said. Just then, they fell unconscious.

Jessie: Is there any reason for Knuckles to swear almost every sentence?
Manic: Well, his "Sonic Adventure 2" songs contain rap. Draw your own sarcastic conclusions.

Geoffrey St. John looked around. Most of his men were dead. And Omega Dusk was unscathed.

All: *loudly booing*
Sonia: Terrible. This fic's just terrible.
Kyo: I want my money back!
Sonia: Kyo, this fic was free to read.
Kyo: I know. I just want some monetary compensation for sitting through this!

"I believe you said something about killing me?" he said as he began to fly into the air. "Now all I have to do is kill you," he said as he began to charge another large energy blast, "And then I'll kill the king."

Miyu: *takes glasses off* Yes, yes... you said that already! Now, would you just... shut... up?!
Everyone else: *gasps* Miyu?!
Miyu: *sighs, puts glasses on* I apologize for my sudden outburst, fellow friends.

"You forgot someone." Omega Dusk looked over as he heard the familiar voice. Shadow continued to walk towards Omega Dusk, staring angrily at him. In his hand was the chaos emerald that he always kept with him. Shadow stopped a few feet away from his counterpart and stood defiantly. "You forgot about me."

Sonia: No, he didn't. He thought you sucked because you were stuck in traffic.

"Oh, so Shadow finally decided to show up" Omega Dusk said as he powered down the blast, "It doesn't matter. I'll kill you just like these soldiers."

All: Blah, blah, blah...

Shadow smiled slightly. "That's where you're wrong. I can beat you."

Jessie: *as Shadow* And mace you, and toss you in the dumpster like yesterday's news.

Upon hearing this, Omega Dusk began to laugh uncontrollably.

Cassy: You know what? The next time this jackass laughs, please punch him square in the teeth.
Sonic: How about you master a slingshot and shoot some firecrackers in it. Maybe I should call Bart Simpson...

"How do you expect to do that? That chaos emerald you're holding won't be able to help you."

Amy: Again, says the guy who broke logic and canon in half!

"Professor Gerald gave me the power to defeat you just in case you betrayed him. The only problem is, I need to use my emotions to unlock it."

Kyo: Perfect emotion? It's anger. Lots and lots of delicious, nutritious anger...

"That's too bad. Have you unlocked this hidden power?" Omega Dusk inquired, slightly fascinated at this fact.

Miyu: *as Spock* Hmm, fascinating...

As he began to power up, Shadow replied, "Not completely, but, I learned a trick or two."

Cassy: Whatever happened to "You'll see?" I mean, he's just saying all of his plans right in front of the guy!

All of the sudden, he had turned into Hyper Shadow! "I don't need chaos emeralds or power rings anymore."

Manic: *as Shadow* Because I can break canon just like you!

"Interesting," Omega Dusk stated, "But it's still not enough to beat me."

Cassy: *rocks in her seat* Punch him, scratch him, kill him...
Kyo: Whoa, easy there, Kitty.

"That's why I'm here. I need to use my emotions,"

Sonia: *as Shadow* I have to explain it... in song, baby! Lights, please!

Hyper Shadow said as he clenched his fist and began to fly up towards Omega Dusk. "And you really piss me off!"

All: *cheering*
Jessie: The words of everyone in this theater!

Omega Dusk chuckled as Hyper Shadow propelled towards him. "Very well. Let the fight begin."

Miyu: Huh?
Sonic: Wait a second...
Kyo: You're telling me that we've sat through three chapters of this monstrosity, and this ends on a cliffhanger?!
Sonic: Um... yes?
Kyo: Hell, I'm writing my own ending.
Amy: You may want to hold off on that, Kyo.
Kyo: What're you talking about?
Amy: I've located the fourth chapter.
Everyone else: Crap.
Kyo: Shoot me.

--

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