Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits, Episode 5: Sailor Moon: A Culture Reborn (Part Two)

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Warning: This chapter has a bit of death in it. It's not in explicit detail, but it might make some readers uncomfortable. (Spoiler Alert: Don't worry. The victim gets better in Part Three.)

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Rosalina was now trembling so Sensarity stood up and helped her down the stairs. One by one the people of the audience followed her to the site where construction would begin. Rosalina motioned for Sensarity to back up a little. Putting her hand in front of her, Rosalina glowed with golden power. Her staff appeared. Pointing her golden staff she whispered something that nobody else could hear.

Akiko: I'm pretty sure that's what whispering is.
Miyuki: The last "whisper" blew Emi and her group out of their seats.

Suddenly the bottom part of the sanctuary appeared. Sensarity put her hands in front of her and began to glow golden as well Rosalina and Sensarity looked at each other and smiled. With there power combined the sanctuary was built with pure golden power.

The statue of Sailor Universe was placed inside and one by one the people of the audience brought in flowers and candles in memory of the Sailor Soldier of protection.

Tails: Soldier of Protection? *reads Miyu's notes* That's supposed to describe Sailor Jupiter. These Sues are stealing canon titles from canon characters now?
Tomoko: They stole everything, Prower.

The only person that understood Universe was Rosalina herself and the people, her people, knew it.

Miyuki: But not Elena, her supposed best friend.

Collapsing onto the floor and full of tears Rosalina just laid there weeping. Sensarity knelt down with her and lifted her chin. Rosalina looked into her daughters eyes and knew that Universe is with them in their hearts.

Akiko: All hail Queen Mary Sue!
Tomoko: Hell, no.

Lord Deon helped Rosalina and Sensarity up off the floor.

Everybody made their way back to their seats and once again Rosalina took a stand at the podium. “The next issue is the replacement of Sailor Universe…my daughter,” turning to her, “Sensarity will be the replacement of Sailor Universe. She will be know as Sailor Evolution.”

All: What a dumb name.

The audience all gazed at Sensarity. Sensarity walked to the podium to make her speech. “I know that you all were either close to or just knew her, I am here to replace Sailor Universes’ place in the trio but I am not here to take her place in your hearts. I will try my best as the new protector of Galaxy. I don’t know what our enemies are up to now but, I know that we can stop them and stop them for good.”

Akiko: Yeah, about that... there's the incident on "Rindas~", then there's the Wicken Sisters, then there's Sailor Crescent... did we forget about all of those things? I mean, this track record of dealing with enemies really isn't that good.
Tails: That's the problem with these fics, Akiko. They drop plot threads like they drop bad food.

She turned away and the audience stood up and clapped their hands. She turned back around and began to cry. Once again she began to speak, “I never thought that you will all accept me as one of your Sailor Scouts. Now I know that I am truly one of you, we are all family.”

Tomoko: This ain't the Olive Garden, lady.

Sensarity cried not because of sorrow but because she knew that she was loved and also that she finally has a chance to shine her light on the world. She thought to herself: This is my big chance to prove to them that I can do a good job and that I won’t let them down. With enough training I can do anything I set my mind to.

Miyuki: Training? You're technically a Sue spawn. Training is one of those dumb "pleb" words.

Sensarity and Rosalina returned inside the palace. A guard turns down the corridor heading straight towards them with a message in hand. “Your highness, this message was just delivered for you. It’s from her royal highness Queen Caranovia,” the guard said handing the letter to Queen Rosalina and turned away. Rosalina looked down to whom it was addressed to and surprisingly it wasn’t addressed for her but, for Taracovia.

“But how could this be. She knows that she is a statue,” Rosalina said full of bewilderment.

Akiko: Maybe she hit her head and forgot.
Miyuki: They did forget all the plot threads.

Looking at Sensarity she knew that it was time that she made her first visit to the new city of Nakomia.

Tails: I thought it was a planet.
Akiko: They did hit their heads!

“Sensarity, I know that this is addressed to Taracovia, but I believe it is meant for you,” Rosalina says looking at Sensarity, holding out the letter for her to take.

Tails: Why didn't she address the letter to Rosalina? It would've been much easier.
Tomoko: Quit using logic, Prower. It's worthless in these dumb fics.

“But, mother how could it be for me. I’m not the goddess,” she said looking at her mother.

“I know, but you are taking her place so now you must fulfill all of her duties as protector. Now there is one last thing that we must do before we set off to Nakomia,” Queen Rosalina said.

“And what is that mother,” Sensarity said as she opened the letter.

“We must create the portal to connect our world with Nakomia. We best get on our way,” Queen Rosalina made her way to the center of the Golden City. Once there she made sure that she had plenty of room to work. She raised her arms and by the golden power a arch shaped portal appeared. Queen Rosalina placed a sign next to the portal. She read it to herself: This portal leads to the world of Nakomia. All whom have evil intentions will, once through the portal, be transported to a desolate world with no return. Signed Queen Rosalina.

Akiko: *confused* You signed a portal?
Miyuki: And what is it with these folks always wanting to banish random people and sending them to Hell or whatever? Are we sure that they're supposed to be the protagonists?
Tails: Sadly, yes. Luckily, nobody with two brain cells bought that lie.

Satisfied Queen Rosalina, Lord Deon, and Sensarity walked through the portal. All dressed in brown robes.

Miyuki: Hey, what can brown do for you?

(Meanwhile in Nakomia)

Pacing back and forth Caranovia had many things going on in her mind. “I wonder if she received my letter. After all it was quite urgent.”

Tails: Unless that statue is sentient, she didn't get it.

Caranovia’s handmaiden walked into her study with very important information. “Your highness, I have urgent news for you.”

Caranovia turns from the window which she was looking through to face her. “Alright Medley, I’m listening.”

“It has been reported that several, maybe about three people, dressed in brown robes are walking through the town.”

Tomoko: Hold the hell on. If they're supposed to be allies, why're they entering in suspicious threads like that?
Tails: Now who's using logic?
Tomoko: ...damn it, Prower.

“Medley, quickly shut the blinds and lock the doors no one must see my transformation.” Medley bowed and did as she was commanded. “Destiny Galaxy Star Power!” Caranovia quickly transformed into the Sailor Scout known as Sailor Destiny.

Destiny leaves her palace and takes to the streets of Nakomia to find the three mysterious visitors dressed in robes.

Tails: They're not mysterious if we know who they are...

Queen Rosalina, Lord Deon and Princess Sensarity were headed straight toward the palace. When Queen Rosalina suddenly stopped. Lord Deon and Princess Sensarity turned to look at her trying to find the reason in which she stopped. Lord Deon and Princess Sensarity started to walk again. When a voice shouted “Wait!” The two of them, turning back realized that Queen Rosalina was in deep thought.

Miyuki: Since when did any of these idiots ever think?

Queen Rosalina could sense a figure moving toward them with great speed. Thinking to herself: Who is this figure? Where is she coming from? Queen Rosalina spun around quickly only to see Sailor Destiny headed strait toward them.

“I got this one! Universe Ice Evolution!” Serenity shouted.

All: *confused* Serenity?!
Miyuki: They just did not care!

A huge sheet of ice captured the Sailor in a dome.

“Destiny Earthquake!” The dome crashed down on top of her. When the Ice disappeared she was left without a scratch on her. Destiny could see her people fleeing out of the corners of her eyes.

Tails: Wait, why are they doing all of this stuff in front of innocent civilians? I thought the purpose of a Scout was to put the civilians out of harm's way.
Akiko: Jeez, I like a good fight, and I don't even drag random people in like that. What's wrong with them?

Not surprised Sensarity threw off her robe already transformed as Sailor Evolution. “Universe Blue Fire Evolution!” A blue wave of fire struck Destiny.

Tomoko: Pretty sure we already knew that she was transformed. What random jobber goes around screaming "Universe Ice Evolution"?

“Is that all you got. Destiny Meteor… Shower!-“

“Universe Thunder Evolution!-

Miyuki: ...she knows every element? Isn't that supposed to be Sailor Planet's thing?
Tomoko: These hacks are ripping each other off.

Queen Rosalina getting tired of watching the little cat fight,

Akiko, Miyuki, Tomoko: ...
Tails: No comment.
Akiko: Also, why is she standing there watching it? Why didn't she explain herself when the fight began?
Tomoko: Because she's a dumbass, Miyadama.

decides to put an end to it. Raising her arms she stopped both attacks. “I’ve had quite enough of your cat fight

Tails: ...just stop. Please.

now let’s get going, there is much to be done,” Queen Rosalina said.

Sailor Destiny just stared at her, stunned to hear her call it a cat fight.

Akiko: Suethors are just loving that dumb term today, huh?

“I don’t know who you are but this fight isn’t over until I say it is: Destiny whirlpool surface.” Destiny shouted and saw a flash go in front of the mysterious figure.

All: *blown out of their seats*
Tails: Ow...
Akiko: *as she adjusts her hair* What the heck was that?
Miyuki: Ugh. That's the dumb THX thing that Emi talked about.
All: *sits down on the couch*
Tomoko: I'm not being paid enough to deal with this crap.

The flash appeared to be Sailor Evolution whom took the hit for her mother.

“That speed, it’s…so familiar. Your powers…mother?” Destiny collapses and begins to feel the warm tears running down her cheeks. She couldn’t help but remember her mother. Recollecting herself, “Forgive me, for I didn’t know.

Akiko: You never asked! Who attacks first and asks questions later?
Tails: This doofus does.

Anyone who uses my mothers powers is welcome in Nakomia.”

Miyuki: *as Sailor Destiny* But those peons who're seeking asylum from a war-torn planet? Screw 'em.

Queen Rosalina walks closer to Sailor Destiny. Kneeling down to help her up, Sailor Destiny is able to see the face of the unfamiliar figure. They all went back to the palace. Once inside the visitor commanded for the doors and windows to be shut. As soon as the doors and windows are shut the figure takes off the robe.

“Lord Deon, its nice to see you again,” Destiny cried.

Tomoko: I forgot that he existed. What'd he do, just stare at the bright and shiny lights coming from the "catfight"?
Miyuki: Yep.

“Caranovia, we have much to discuss,” the other figure said.

“How do you know my name?,” Sailor Destiny said as she powered down to the Queen she really was.

Miyuki: You're the queen of an entire planet, you blockhead. Do the math.

The remaining visitors removed their robes. Caranovia stared in amazement to see Rosalina and another woman within her palace when the city was in a state of collapse. Rosalina flowingly walked over to Caranovia and gave her a gentle hug.

Akiko: She "flowingly walked"? Did my hair just turn purple?
Tomoko: And glitter might come out of your nose when you sneeze.

“I have some good news for you. Do you want to start with the introduction of the new scout, the portal, your mother, your city or the surprise? You know what, I think we’ll save the surprise for last.”

Tails: I'm not looking forward to this "surprise".

As she finished speaking Rosalina gestured for everyone to sit. So they all took seats at the table in the center of the royal study.

Caranovia sat at the head of the table where a pile of papers awaits her. “I’m not sure what to say it’s all to overwhelming. I have many problems to deal with myself so I hope that you have not brought any bad news with you… just this morning I have received terrible news from a star not far from Nakomia requesting our help or they’ll attack, but I don’t want to get you involved Queen Rosalina. It’s just that when I look at my city, it reminds me of the day I lost my mother. I never really thought that being queen would be so much work.”

Tomoko: Why bother? You morons are just gonna sit on your asses for three more fics before you'll do anything about it.
Miyuki: Wish I could avoid work by saying that I'm allergic to it.

“Well my dear, being queen is never going to be easy. There are a lot of responsibilities that one must fulfill.

Akiko: These people have responsibilities?
Tails: Well, they do, but they don't care.

No I didn’t bring any bad news with me this time. Does your people know about your scout identity?” Rosalina questioned as Caranovia’s handmaiden came in with refreshments.

Akiko: Didn't you transform in front of your lover without caring in the last fic? Isn't that a tiny bit hypocritical?

The handmaiden approached the table to see a woman dressed in a silky golden ball gown, golden bracelets and jewelry, brown hair with one part in the front which had a golden highlight to it. The woman’s hair was elegantly long and the woman had excellent posture.

Miyuki: Because we needed another Suetiful description. *in a mocking tone* Oh, she's just a servant who's going to meet the sparkliest Sue that ever sparkled!

As she sat the tray on the table she turned to see the face of the one she familiarly knew from the portraits hanging in the gallery.

“Medley I’d like you to meet the Queen of Galaxy… Rosalina.”

“It’s an honor to meet you. I…I…I’m sorry for disturbing you.” Medley’s cheeks reddened and she made a curtsy and quickly made her way toward the door.

Queen Rosalina stood up and said, “Medley… I don’t want you to feel as if you were disturbing us. It is nice to meet you. Maybe later we can talk for a little while.”

As soon as Medley left and Rosalina returned to her seat she began to speak. “Medley is the only one I trust around here besides my uncle. They’re the only ones who know my scout identity.”

“Tell me how I can help you out with your city. I want to help restore it to it’s beautiful condition it was in when your grandmother was in reign.”

Tomoko: You mean that it wasn't being restored already? Guess they're still doing the "sitting on their asses" part pretty well.

“Well I want to restore the buildings and pass new laws and I want all the children that are in the orphanages to live here in the palace to keep me company. Wait… who is she?” Caranovia gestured towards the Sailor Scout not yet introduced.

“Well, I was thinking on sending a galaxican advisor to live here, with your permission, to keep me informed of any new events that take place here in Nakomia. This advisor will be a well trusted friend of mine and will be linked between us. This Scout next to me,… is your mother’s replacement, my daughter Sensarity. She is known as Sailor Evolution. I would like for her to spend some time here to learn some of the Universian ways since she will be using some of your mother’s powers. What do you think?”

Caranovia looking a bit furious clamped her fists together. “Well has she really told you who your real mother is?”

Akiko: Uh-oh. That's logic, so that's gonna be wrong!

Turning pale Evolution looked down messing with her skirt then said, “Yes, she has but I don’t care about that woman. She is not my mother… Rosalina is.”

Tomoko: "Sensarity is kind and caring," my ass.

“You see Caranovia you can’t turn my own daughter against me. You see I raised her and gave her everything she ever needed. In her eyes I am her mother.

Tomoko: Yeah, but saying that stuff is still an asshole move, lady.
Miyuki: Who is her biological mother?
Tails: A deceased woman named "Princess Sensara". She actually wanted to keep the child that she lost. She cared about her, and now her daughter just spit on her dead body like that. It just made her sound rather... cold.
Akiko: It almost sounds like Rosalina... brainwashed her. 
Tails: Wait a second! Sensara's death was in the second fic, so I need... *picks up Sonia's notes* ...ah, there we go. *reads* Apparently, Rosalina and Sensara were enemies. Looks like your brainwashing theory isn't that far off, Akiko.
Akiko: And she's supposed to be the protagonist?
Tails: She's a Sue, so it's allowed.
Akiko: This is disgusting.

Now I would like to help you in restoring your city, it is just a matter of telling me when and where to start.” She replied to Caranovia. “You must not be scared to tell your people who you are. If you lie to them now and they find out the truth later, how will they come to trust you Caranovia?”

Akiko: You brainwashed Sensarity, so how are we supposed to trust you?
Tomoko: Only the main Sues are allowed to do the asshole moves, Miyadama.

“I don’t know, I’m afraid that they will think unkindly of me because I am a scout, a powerful one at that. I just don’t think it is a good idea your majesty. What will happen to me if I do tell them and everything goes wrong?”

“You will just have to tell or just try to show them that you are not just their queen but their protector as well. You know, Caranovia, the past isn’t always destined to be the present and the future. I think it is time for you to make some changes. Tell your city that you are not here to cause them grief, pain or even take things from them, but to simply help them gain things and to live happier lives; that is how they will come to trust you.”

An alarm sounds off and Caranovia jumps to her feet. Guards come through the door way unannounced. “Your Majesty we have trouble in the market place! Some of the guards from Zaracova’s regime have broken loose from the jails and are raising havoc.”

Miyuki: She's powerful... but a bunch of mooks easily broke out of jail.

Caranovia and the rest of her guests immediately fled from the castle and gathered in the Market place. “Stop immediately! I am the reining queen of Nakomia. Stop immediately or else!”

“Hah the pathetic princess finally returns to Nakomia! Haven’t you done enough to your people by forgetting them Princess Taracovia?” The 5 guards laughed and stuck there swords into a small boy killing him instantly.

Akiko: What the heck is this?!
Miyuki: She's powerful... but she let a little boy die.
Tails: She's supposed to be the "upgrade" of Mini Moon. Where's the Silver Crystal? Isn't that supposed to heal or restore or resurrect?
Tomoko: If you're forgetting basic stuff from the series that you're wrecking, find a new hobby. 'Cause writing just ain't your thing.
Akiko: Dumb thing is that the renegade guards almost had a point, and then they wrecked it by killing that poor kid! Ugh!
Miyuki: Still, this is a ham-fisted attempt to stamp "Blatantly Evil" on their foreheads.

Caranovia gasped. “Mother give me strength! I call upon the power of the immortal goddess Taracovia, help me rid Nakomia of this evil force! Destiny Immortal Power!” She had transformed into the Immortal goddess Caranovia. Her body was clothed in a pink shimmering evening gown. Her long pink hair pointing up toward the heavens. “You have outstayed your welcome! I’ve warned you and you didn’t listen!” With the wave of her hand she gently pushed away the crowd out of harms way.

Miyuki: She's powerful... but she used her power to gently push folks out of the way like a light breeze.
Akiko: Wow, this is dumb.
Tails: All of these fics are dumb.

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