Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits, Episode 4: Roguishly Possessed (Part One)

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Note: This fic is the sequel to "Wish Upon a Starr". If you want to refresh your memory, the riffing is here. It's a seven part riffing.

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Roguishly Possessed- Part one

Chapter One- Spying

Author's Note: Hello! I'm a cookie! But that's not important unless you're hungry. Here it is! DA SEQUEL! (Weak fanfare of kazoos)

Tails: That kazoo just summed up my feelings. Thank you.
Akiko: You're not that peppy today, huh?
Tails: My last fic was "Thanksgiving!". The last fic that Miyuki and Tomoko riffed was "Moonlight warrior". And you had "The Power of Love". Between the four of us, you had the fic that was the least terrible.

This chapter is going to switch points of view in the middle, and the beginning is going to have nothing to do with the title, just a brief continuation… um… yeah… …WHILE YOU'RE HERE WOULD YOU LIKE A FREE COMPLIMENTARY BLOOMACNCHEEZ CO. PEN THAT ONLY COSTS TWENTY BUCKS?

All: No.

Sonic-Boom: HAPPY JACKET TIME!

bloomacncheez: Yesssss…

Um… anyway… previously for those of you who read sequels before the original…

Akiko: Is this like the time where the head writer and her sisters accidentally watched the second part of "It" before the first part?
Miyuki: Wait, what?
Akiko: She said that the last person who rented the movie put the parts in the wrong boxes.

The Sonic gang met up with a toucan that turned out to be Jet the Hawk's long lost sister. A couple of guys fell head over heels for the girls. Sonic Team was blasted to Earth thanks to Jet not that I'm pointin' elbows (points elbow at Jet.) They met 12-year-old Chris Thorndyke and his family. Sonic, Shadow, Jet, and Starr revealed Super forms (Don't call Jet and Starr Mary-Sue's anymore, please)

Akiko: Translation: Don't give me critiques!
Tails: In any other situation, that's just the code for "My chracter's definitely a Sue!". However, Starr only had Sue traits. Every decently written character has them. She just wasn't a full-blown Sue like most bad characters are. Seriously, we can name three bad Sonic characters that are worse than her right now.
Miyuki: Kathryn. Sasha. Dusk. Boom. Done.

and defeated Eggman temporarily. Now, they're meeting Babylon's current princess, Windy the Falcon.

Tomoko: Long story short, you only had to watch the first three episodes of "Sonic X" and stick her and her brother in them.

"She's… a PRINCESS?" Starr gaped.

"Yes! That's why I've been so afraid of her," Jet said.

"You were afraid of a GIRL?" Shadow snickered.

Miyuki: I forgot how much I hated you.

"Dude, I thought you liked her!" Knuckles barked.

"THE HECK I DO!" Jet exclaimed.

"So…" a voice said, "You figured it out?" It was Windy, who had been listening from the doorway.

"AAH! WINDY! WHAT DID YOU HEAR? PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T HEAR THE FIRST PART!" Jet shrieked ducking behind Starr. Starr rolled her eyes and bonked her brother on the head.

"I heard everything," Windy admitted.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jet screamed. Starr grabbed him by his beak.

"GOSH! PEOPLE IN ANTARCTICA COULD HEAR YOU!" she hissed rubbing her… "ears."

Akiko: So let's yell even louder!
Tomoko: *sighs, gets out a pair of noise canceling headphones* I forgot how noisy those squawkers were.
Tails: I also forgot that you wanted to cook them.
Miyuki: Well, the last fic was forgettable in a sort of "meh" way. Guess its only saving grace is the fact that there are a lot more fics that are worse than this.

Down in Antarctica…

"Bob, did you hear something?" an Eskimo asked.

"Yeah, Tre, I heard a 'noooooooo.' You know, one of them dramatic ones," Bob said.

Tails: Okay, I chuckled. Hey, it's funnier than any humor that Sasha attempted.

Back at the Thorndyke's…

"Wow… that was really weird," Shadow blinked.

"Yes… yes it was," Sonic said rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Tails: It was funny without you extending the joke needlessly. That's how comedy works, you know.
Miyuki: Doesn't really work if you have to explain what comedy is.

"So, why are you here? Shouldn't you be at the throne?" Tails asked.

"Tails, I noticed you're the only sane one here besides Shadow,

Akiko: *scratches her head* I can believe that Tails is sane, but not Shadow. Being an obnoxious jerk isn't "sane".

but if you read stories you'd know why," Windy replied, "A princess's life isn't that great. We have to learn how to walk, talk, dress, eat, swim, shoot arrows, dance, LEARN…"

"You have to learn how to learn?" Tails asked.

"What the Fred Fredburger?" Vector asked.

"And what's worse, my parents were going to make me marry this uneducated freak (besides bloomacncheez) who was obsessed with himself," Windy said getting angrier just thinking about it.

Tomoko: Someone's doing a little self deprecation over there.
Tails: Well, you do have to laugh at yourself for comedy. Just don't hurt yourself too harshly.

"So… you're basically single?" Jet asked.

"Um… yes, I guess you could say that," Windy replied. Jet grinned.

"So… would you… want to… do an activity with me?" he asked shyly.

Miyuki: I'm gonna get the pogo sticks.
Tomoko: Really, Fujiwara?
Miyuki: It's not what you're thinking.

"Hee hee, you want to go on a date?" Windy giggled, "Okay that sounds great."

"WOO HOO!" Jet whooped.

"Those poor confused Eskimos down in Antarctica," Starr mumbled putting her hands over her ear holes.

Tails: Don't forget us. We still have to hear this stuff, too.

"NO!" a voice from outside shrieked. The others perked up and went to the window to see what made the noise.

"What the heck…?" Sonic said. Knuckles looked back and forth through the window.

"There's no one out there," he reported.

"The voice sounded familiar," Tails said.

"I know, but I just can't quite put my finger down on it," Jet said thoughtfully.

Outside…

"WAVE, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO KEEP IT DOWN!" Storm yelled.

"OOH! THAT LITTLE WANNABE FALCON! Does she really think she can win MY Jet?" Wave hissed.

"YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX!" Storm told her.

"AND YOU NEED TO FIX YOUR 'LOUD HOWARD' PROBLEM, DOPE!" Wave thundered. Storm just whimpered quietly. Wave sighed.

"I'm sorry, it's just I don't know who that girl is but she's taking Jet from me, as if Starr wasn't enough," she apologized.

"BUT THE BOSS HASN'T SEEN STARR SINCE HE WAS TWO! AND SHE'S HIS SISTER! SO YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM I LIKE COOKIES!" Storm shouted.

Tails: My... ears...

(In case you didn't read the previous story, Storm has a screaming problem.)

Tomoko: Yeah, our destroyed eardrums were enough of a hint the last time.

"That's true, you're actually starting to make sense," Wave said with a smile.

"PIE ARE SQUARE! AND TRIANGULAR!"

"Okay, don't ruin it."

Akiko: Oh, that ship has sailed a long time ago.

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT OUR ANCESTORS SAID, 'BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR! ULTIMATELY, WE ONLY GET THREE TRUE WISHES!'" Storm quoted. Wave had a light bulb illuminate in her head.

"That's it!" she exclaimed.

"WHAT'S IT?"

"Come on, Storm!" Wave said grabbing her Extreme Gear.

"WAIT FOR ME!" Storm called jumping clumsily on his own Gear.

Later at the Babylonian Temple… don't ask why it's on Earth, it's just there…

Tails: Is it in New York, where the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade takes place?

"WAVE, DIDN'T WE KILL THE BABYLON GUARDIAN?" Storm asked.

Miyuki: *with a pair of headphones on* Uh... did they?

"No! You can't kill a genie!" Wave explained, "We just defeated him temporarily."

"OH!"

There was a sudden pulse through the air and a growl filled the vast emptiness of the temple.

"What do you low lives, want?" it boomed, "Haven't you made enough of an idiot of me already?" The Babylon Guardian floated out of the shadows-

Shadow: AAH! THAT'S SO INHUMANE!

Tomoko: I'm almost tempted to make a choke collar and put it on him.

Um… okaaay.

The Babylon Guardian floated out of the… darkness and towards the swallow and albatross.

"AAAAAH!" Storm screamed in a girly tone.

"No, we came here for a request. A 'wish' as you call it," Wave answered suavely.

"Oh, I see," the guardian replied immediately interested.

"DO YOU SEE FLYING COOKIES WITH BUTTER TOAST?" Storm asked.

Akiko: Um, what?
Tomoko: Don't think about it too much, Miyadama.

"…is it just me or did he devolve a few notches?" the guardian asked.

"No, that's not possible, he couldn't be stupider," Wave snorted.

"I see… well, what do you wish of me?"

"I wish that that stupid falcon and toucan would DIE!" Wave snapped.

Miyuki: Well, any goodwill this fic had just went out the window, huh?
Tails: There was goodwill? Anyway, you're right; we can't go one fic without a canon member hating an OC.
Miyuki: Bonus negative points if the jealous one is a canon lady, obviously.

"Uh, yeah about that… there are some rules about the wishes you make…

Rule number one:I can't kill anybody… so don't ask.

Rule number two: I can't make anyone fall in love.

RULE NUMBER THREE: I can't bring people back from the dead; it's not a pretty sight. I DON'T LIKE DOING IT!

Other than that, you're cool," the guardian said. Wave's eye twitched.

"DIDN'T YOU COPY THOSE RULES, WORD FOR WORD FROM 'DISNEY'S ALADDIN?'" Storm yelled.

"SSH! You'll get me in trouble with my lawyer!" the Babylon Guardian hissed.

Tomoko: Huh. Well, at least it wasn't copied from a Wikia page or something.

"YEAH WELL WAVE JUST DIDN'T GET HER CAFFINE TODAY SO SHE'S REALLY CRANKY!"

Akiko: Guess who else is cranky? *points to Tomoko*
Tomoko: *sighs heavily*

"Do you really have to scream everything?"

"Yes, yes I do," Storm said.

"You just talked!" the guardian exclaimed.

"I did? I mean, I DID? NO I DIDN'T!"

Miyuki: It was nice while it lasted.

"Well, isn't there a way for me to win over Jet?" Wave asked.

"You could wish to be princess," the Babylon Guardian offered.

"WOULD YOU QUIT WITH THE ALADDIN THING ALREADY!" Wave snapped.

"Hm, well… there is one other alternative…" the guardian said thoughtfully.

"Yes?" Wave asked anxiously.

"IS IT THAT SHE CAN MARRY ME INSTEAD? CUZ I'D HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT!" Storm squealed.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIDN'T WISH THIS, I AM FIXING YOUR SCREAMING ISSUE!" the guardian roared and shot a beam at Storm. Storm stumbled and fell over unconscious. Wave stared at Storm's limp figure.

Miyuki: *claps loudly* Thank you!
Tails: *holds his ears* Ow, ow, ow...
Miyuki: Oh, sorry, buddy. I just got a bit too excited over that.
Tails: Well, I don't blame you, but still... ow.

"I'm not sure I want to trust you with this anymore… is it really going to hurt?" she asked cautiously.

"No, not for you anyway," the guardian replied.

"Well, I don't really want anybody HURT…" Wave said.

"Didn't you ask for them to die?"

"That wouldn't hurt!"

Akiko: I don't think she knows what "death" means...

"Ugh, my head…" Storm groaned waking up. Wave ran to him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yep, I'm fine actually…" Storm grinned.

"You're not screaming!" Wave smiled. Storm grinned even wider.

"I'm smarticle! (copyright from americanidiot013)" he cheered.

Miyuki: He's a smart testicle?
Tomoko: ...I'm not even gonna try to respond to that.

"I wouldn't go THAT far…" Wave hissed, "So, what your other suggestion, Babylon Guardian?"

"Hypnotism," he cackled. Wave grinned evilly.

"Are we going to have the falcon and Starr break his heart?" she asked.

"HECK NO! You bring them here, I zap them, you control their every movement and conversation, tear them away from their little friends, ruin their reputation, whatever, and they'll be yours," he listed.

"So… bring the falcon and Starr here and-" Wave started.

"No, Jet and Starr. Not the falcon! It's against my policy, see."

"Why not her? She's the one I hate," Wave said getting angry.

"You don't understand, there's just something about her you don't know. She's just kinda Babylon's future.

Akiko: "Kinda" is probably being used loosely here.

Besides, doesn't Storm want Starr?" the guardian pointed out.

"Meh, true…" Wave said.

"Woo woo woo woo…" Storm muttered twirling around on the floor.

Tails: Criminy. He's turned into a terrible version of Curly Howard.

"So, are you up to the task?" the guardian asked. Wave paused…

And nodded…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Tomoko: I'm not looking forward to the rest of this.
Tails: Oh, come on. It's not the worst setup to a story.
Tomoko: The story's not the real problem, Prower. The dumb author's notes and the fact that everyone's acting like they have an IQ of less than fifty will be.
Tails: Oh. Right.
Miyuki: Yeah, I don't think we're going to like those.

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Continue to Part Two
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