Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits, Episode 3: Wish Upon a Starr (Part Six)

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Tails: Okay, I finally fixed my device!
Akiko: Hey, good to hear, Tails!
Miyuki: Yeah. Better switch it on so we don't get blood coming out of our ears.
Tomoko: Also, what'd those hedgehogs say about the fic?
Tails: Right, I almost forgot. Sonia and Amy noticed how some scenes were similar, but they decided not to call it a plagiarism thing because massive chunks weren't being copied word for word. Sonia still called the fic "an uncreative hack job", though.
Akiko: Oh, that definitely sounds like Sonia.

Wish Upon A Starr- Part Seven

Chapter Seven- Seven Emeralds- Four Supers

Sonic speeded down the street, nearly knocking people over to get at that Emerald. Everyone wanted to get there first. Sonic finally reached a crowd of people surrounding a construction site, many of which were reporters looking for a good story to air. They were asking various questions but Sonic didn't get an earful. He hovered on his board slightly.

"Careful, Sonic," Chris warned, but Sonic didn't hear him. He slowly crept past people. Finally he saw it. Except Scarlet Garcia did not mention that there were actually six of the seven sitting there in the soil.

Tails: Wait, what? That didn't happen...
Tomoko: Someone's in a hurry to finish this fic. And that's good.
Miyuki: Why?
Tomoko: Because I'm sick of looking at it. Sooner this crap ends, the better I'll feel.

Sonic felt one of his friends was behind him. Whoever it was, they were breathing down his neck.

Akiko: When did Sonic.EXE get here?

"Could you stop that?" Sonic snapped. After about ten minutes, Sonic turned around to see Starr with her cheeks all puffed out and her face was a blue as him.

"Dude, I didn't mean stop breathing," Sonic said worriedly. Starr exhaled, coughed, and fell over. Vector came over and helped her to her feet.

Miyuki: She literally stopped breathing? This girl's dumber than a rock!
Tails: That's an insult to rocks.

"Who's gonna make a move?" Jet asked. Sonic didn't answer.

"I could grab it and kill all the witnesses!" Shadow offered.

Tomoko: What the hell is wrong with you?

"SHADOW!" Starr squawked.

"Okay, fine, we'll resolve this 'peacefully,'" Shadow snorted with much disappointment.

Akiko: Seriously, I don't know who the worst character in this fic is.
Miyuki: Make it a three way tie.

"Guys do you know what this means?" Sonic asked.

"YES! WE CAN ORDER PIZZA!" Jet screamed.

All: *facepalms*
Tails: I don't want to hear another word from you ever again. You can only speak once I am dead.

"No. We only need one more emerald before we all go home!"

"Wha-what?" Chris asked sadly.

"Chris, we're really sorry, but we can't stay here," Amy said.

"We like this planet and everything but…" Cream started.

"We need to go home," Tails finished.

Chris hung his head.

"I understand…" he said sadly.

"Well, hey look at the bright side!" Sonic said, "The Chaos Emeralds are rarely found together like that! It could be years before we get the seventh one!"

Akiko: So "Sonic X" ended in three episodes.
Miyuki: I think a bunch of people would've been okay with that.

"Actually guys…" Starr sighed.

They look at her as she pulled out a red Chaos Emerald.

"Starr…? How'd you get that?" Sonic asked her.

"I bought this dress myself, thanks. I don't plan on giving it to you, you're a boy-"

Tomoko: He's talking about the emerald, you fucking idiot!
Tails, Akiko: *slowly moving away from Tomoko*
Miyuki: You know, you two can hide behind my wall. I think it's big enough now.

"No! Not the dress! The Emerald!"

"Oh. Remember when the Chaos Emeralds were flashing? Well… I don't know, I just… sorta… you know… grabbed it."

"Why?" Knuckles asked confusedly.

Starr shrugged.

"Something told me to," she said.

Miyuki: And if something told you to drink some instant death poison, would you do it?
Tomoko: I wish she would.

"Jet…" Sonic snarled glaring at Jet.

"No, Sonic, he didn't. Some THING told me to."

"Oh… you mean like your instincts?" Jet asked. Starr nodded. "And that reminds me… how long have these 'instincts' of yours been occurring?"

"Um," Starr stared at her feet, "Sixteen years?"

Tails: How are you still alive?! You baffle me!

"GOSH! THEY BANISHED YOU FOR NO REASON!" Jet screamed.

Suddenly a man looked at them and yelled,

"HEY! IT'S THE FREAKY ALIENS! GET THEM!"

Akiko: Didn't know that the Chaos Emeralds warped Paul Phoenix into that universe, too...

"Jet, I'm going to give you a ten minute head start on running for your life," Sonic growled.

"Um, do you think you can catch me?"

Tails: You're asking this question to Sonic. *facepalms* That whole family has the intelligence level of pocket lint.

"I know I can."

"Oh… I see… darn," Jet mumbled.

Suddenly Chris got an idea.

"HEY PEOPLE!" he yelled, "FREE ICE CREAM ON THE NEXT BLOCK!"

"Ice cream?" the man who was now taking hold of Starr's leg and holding her upside down (which, keep in mind, she's wearing a dress so she's trying to hold it so she doesn't have to get therapy for undergoing public humiliation) decided to drop her on her coconut... head… banana… Fox McCloud… Peanut butter jelly time… Toastboy… all the same to me.

Tomoko: *grumbles* Will you shut the hell up already?

"LET'S GO GET ICE CREAM! WEE!" a lady screamed and with that the crowd was gone before you could say, "I'M A PRETTY PANCAKE WITH PICKLES!" …well I am.

Miyuki: Oh, my god, stop with the stupid pancakes and pickles garbage...

"Um… Well that sufficed nicely," Rouge commented.

Suddenly they all heard cackling and looked up to see Eggman. His was in his little flying machine with a claw out to grab the Chaos Emeralds.

"No!" Sonic yelled and jumped towards the Emeralds, but get this… HE MISSED THEM!

"OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE KIDDING!" Amy screamed at me.

Tails: *with a bored look on his face* Why are you back, author?
Akiko: And why do you keep coming into your own fic just to halt the... well, I can't call it a "plot", but you're halting it.

"Um… nope, I'm serious," I said.

(That made Sonic-Boom laugh until she unsurprisingly wet herself.)

All: *bored*
Tails: Please end.

"You fools!" Eggman laughed, "You wasted your precious time bickering and now I'm six steps closer to ruling the galaxy!"

"Not if I can help it!" Sonic screamed.

He jumped up to hit Eggman but he missed again.

"Have you lost your coordination over the trip to this wimpy planet or what?" Eggman teased.

"DON'T YOU TEASE HIM!" Amy shrieked.

"Eggman, I think, you're looking for this!" Starr called and held up her Emerald.

"What are you crazy?" Jet shrieked.

Starr glared at him.

"I think I know what I'm doing," she hissed sinisterly.

Miyuki: Screeching endlessly doesn't count for this, right?

"Ah, so you're betraying them?" Eggman guessed.

"That's right, and Jet's not really my brother," Starr said smiling.

Tomoko: *flatly* Yeah, and I'm in a skin suit. My true form is a stinkin' meteor core.

"HUH?" Jet yelped, "What are you talking about? I know you were there with me sixteen years ago! I know it-"

All: *facepalms*
Tails: Stop. Talking. Forever.

"Jet, notice the total sarcasm in my voice, you birdbrain!" Starr whispered.

"Oh, YOU'RE one to talk…" Shadow mumbled.

Miyuki: You're right. I still wanna punch you, though.

Starr rolled her eyes and kept playing around with Eggman.

"Hand me the Emerald, toucan," Eggman told her.

"No," Starr smiled evilly, "You bring the other six to me."

Akiko: You know, Eggman would've just plucked her up and left.
Tails: Not in this fanfic. He has to be dumb because the plot said so.

Sonic realized what she was doing. He motioned for Shadow to come closer to him and Starr. Jet understood too, he slowly walked towards them. Eggman watched Starr closely, and for a man (I think…)

Miyuki: He is.

who has an I.Q. of 300, he was pretty stupid to not totally catch what Starr was up to. He moved towards her cautiously and held out the six Emeralds to the red one. Starr grinned.

"NOW!" she yelled.

Sonic and Shadow flew up and not only grabbed the Emeralds but transformed into… SUPER SONIC AND SUPER SHADOW!

"Whoa!" Chris awed, "That's so cool!"

Tomoko: It's also dumb as hell. Well, not their super forms... you know.

"Yeah!" the man from the crowd said. (Apparently the crowd came back after they figured out there was no ice cream.)

Akiko: That's because I took it all.

"Big deal!" Jet yelled.

"What, do you have a super form too?" Super Shadow smirked.

Jet grinned and turned into… SUPER JET!

"Drat," Super Shadow mumbled.

Tails: Why the heck would Jet have a Super form... out of nowhere?
Miyuki: Author bias.

"I want to come with you!" Starr called.

All: No!

"No!" the other three supers yelled.

Miyuki: Oh, wow. Fic agreed with us for once.

Starr frowned and folded her arms.

"Well, why the heck not?" she growled, "Is it because I'm a girl?"

Akiko: Grrrl Powah!
Tomoko: ...I'm so sick of that "because I'm a girl" bullshit. It's not because you're a girl. It's because you're so damn annoying!

"Yes!" Super Shadow exclaimed.

Tomoko: Never mind, you get to die first. Ever had an anal probe with chains before?
Tails: *scared* Oh... no...

Super Jet shot him a dirty look.

"Starr, no," he told her, "We don't want you to get hurt, Shadow won't admit that but it's true."

"Whatever…" Super Shadow murmured.

Akiko: This must've been the Shadow that graduated from the School of Misogyny.

"You're my only sister and I swore on my life to take care of you."

Starr still frowned.

"Since when are you so sappy?" she asked.

Super Jet stared at her confusedly. Starr sighed and transformed into… SUPER STARR! (Ha ha, get it? 'Super Starr?' Ha… okay, not funny.)

Miyuki: *flatly* Oh, wow. A pun.
Tails: Of course she gets a Super form. At least it required all seven, because I've seen bad characters that can do it with only one emerald, or even worse, no emeralds.
Akiko: Like Dusk the Stuhog?
Tails: *shudders*

"WHAT IN THE?" Super Jet screamed.

"Ooh, didn't see that coming!" Eduardo (from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends) said shoving a spoon of cereal into his pie hole.

Miyuki: ...the hell is this? We didn't need random characters from another universe!

"Go back to the Foster's section!" Bloo yelled.

"Aww…" Eduardo sighed and slumped off.

"Okay… that was really weird," Knuckles said.

Akiko: That was stupid. And where the heck did Knuckles come from?
Tails: It's one of those instant Knuckles packets. Just add water.

Super Sonic, Shadow, Jet, and Starr nodded. It then occurred to them that Eggman was still there and they would need to kick his buttocks.

"Come on guys, we're all in this together… right?" Super Starr asked.

Tomoko: That line better not fuel a crappy joke...

Super Sonic and Shadow merely nodded. Super Jet grinned and started singing…

"We're all in this together, once we know that we are, we're all stars and we…"

Tomoko: What the hell did I just say?

"Dude, stop it," Super Shadow snapped.

"He was watching 'High School Musical' this morning," Super Starr explained.

"Oh… AW HE WAS WATCHING A MUSICAL!" Super Sonic teased.

"Shut up…" Super Jet hissed.

"Okay, guys! Focus!" Super Starr snapped.

Akiko: Wish this fic had a focus.
Miyuki: It's too blurry to be focused.

Super Shadow choked down a laugh. Super Starr glared at him and held up a green flame in her hand. Shadow frowned and crossed his arms and muttered under his breath (possibly a few cuss words. Admit it! He swears on Shadow the Hedgehog!)

Tails: You make it sound like a TV show instead of a video game.
Tomoko: Would've made me toss my own TV out, anyway.

Finally the four flew towards Eggman with a powerful force. Eggman moved aside and caused them to crash into the road.

"You dimwits, did you seriously think I was going to just approach you with this gadget?"

"What do you mean?" Super Sonic asked rubbing a scrape on his knee.

Eggman grinned and pressed a button on the machine. There were a few whirs and then the ground began to rumble. The others fell over while the supers floated in the air examining closely. The asphalt cracked open and a large aircraft emerged. Eggman floated into the cockpit and laughed evilly.

"Why don't you behave and go ahead and let me destroy this city?" he smirked.

"FAT CHANCE!" Super Sonic yelled.

Eggman rubbed his bald scalp sighed, "Why do they always skip the shortcut?"

Miyuki: Because they need more words for this fic.

Then he pressed another button and small missiles shot out from the wings of the machine. All four supers put up their force fields and blocked the explosions. Super Shadow made the first move. He pulled up an immense amount of energy and formed it into a ball. Then, he tossed it at Eggman's ship. It damaged one of the missile pits but nothing else. Then Super Jet made his move. He pulled out his leaf…thingies… and

Akiko: ...and we were doing just fine until the narrator shrugged and just wrote "leaf thingies".

caused a large whirlwind to crash into the front side but it caused minimal damage. So, Super Starr made her move. A stupid move.

Tomoko: Well, stupid birdbrains make stupid moves all the time...

She flew towards her target to get a powerful hit. That WOULD have been great and everything if she hadn't been totally oblivious to the fact that Eggman was aiming a laser canon straight at the first person to make this foul move. Super Jet instantly saw this error. He flew towards Super Starr and pushed her out of the way as Eggman fired. Super Sonic sent out a beam of energy and neutralized the effect of the explosion.

Tomoko: We were this close to a free dinner.
Akiko: It would've been overcooked.

"So, Sonic, was that your move?" Eggman asked him. Sonic smiled.

"Not quite."

Sonic formed a large ball of energy and looked to the other three.

"Listen guys, I'm going to need for all of you to send out as much energy as you can, (and, Shadow? That doesn't mean go kill yourself again!) And fire at the cockpit! Got it?"'

Tails: That joke could've worked without the parenthesis.

"Right!" they replied. They pulled out balls of energy and they all fired at the cockpit simultaneously. At first nothing happened. Eggman winced and looked back and forth for a sign of damage. Super Sonic gaped. It wasn't possible! But then the ship started getting static and then it blew up and sent Eggman hurtling through the air.

Miyuki: Well, that was... pretty cartoony.
Akiko: And pretty cliché.

"Whew," said Sonic returning to his normal state, "That was rough."

"Yeah, but we're unharmed," Jet agreed.

"And everyone's happy!" Starr squeaked.

"I'm not," Shadow snorted.

"But you're NEVER happy!" Starr snapped.

Akiko: We finally agree on something!

"Not true, I'm happy when people get hurt and die, or at least suffer, like THAT low life," he said pointing at me, who was searching the cracks of the sidewalks for crumbs of pancakes and pickle juice.

"Um, okay…" Starr said.

Miyuki: Okay, what the hell is wrong with this guy? Look, I didn't like the random author appearances, but I also didn't want to beat the tar out of her!
Tomoko: It's a weird day when the screechy birds are only the second and third worst characters in this thing.
Akiko: Kyo-chan isn't even this vicious.

"That was amazing!" called the man from the crowd. They looked around and saw thousands of people cheering for them.

"Perhaps we judged you too quickly," said another man in a business uniform, "Allow me to introduce myself, I'm the president."

"Your George Bush?" Shadow asked.

"No! I'm… some other non-titled guy."

"Ah. Gotcha."

Tomoko: Yeah. Sure.

"Anyway, you've truly been an inspiration. You should be made heroes!"

"Yes I am," Sonic grinned.

"Yes I am!" I said.

Miyuki: Get out!

"Shut up, no your not," Sonic-Boom told me.

"You got that right…" I sighed walking slowly off set.

"I hereby dub you- the heroes of Station Square!" the president exclaimed.

"Cool! Where do I sign up?" Chaoy squealed. Shadow slowly took him off set.

Akiko: So this fic is just a bad movie or TV show?
Tomoko: Nah, it's a bad dream.

TO BE CONTINUED…

This is it, one more chapter before the sequal!

Tails: You misspelled "sequel"... oh, no.
Tomoko: Why the hell does this crap need a sequel?
Miyuki: To torment us until we die of fright.
Akiko: More like boredom.

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