Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Riffer Recruits, Episode 3: Wish Upon a Starr (Part Five)

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Wish Upon A Starr- Part Six

Chapter Six- Our Cover is Blown!

Tails: What cover? Jeez, this fic's jumping all over the place!

"I'm boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored…" Starr whined.

Miyuki: How do you think we feel?

"Me too," Cream sighed. The team had been sitting upstairs in Chuck's lab since the day they came to this world, yesterday. Tails sat looking at all of the unique machines.

"That one looks like it needs repairing," he said to himself.

"AUGH! See? Tails can occupy himself! Sonic can run so fast that the human eye can't see him! What are WE supposed to do?" Starr shrieked.

Tails: *as himself* Leave. Your screeching is distracting me from my repair work.
Tomoko: Never heard you go there before, Prower.

"I can take you fishing," Big offered opening the door. Starr flung her boomerang at the doorknob, just barely missing Big's hand.

Akiko: Wait, you're bored, Big offers you something, and that's how you respond? Rude.
Tails: I changed my mind, I don't like Starr any more.
Miyuki: That's what happens when you get hit with Jerk Sue traits.

"No you don't, we have to wait until Chris comes home from school!" she scolded, "Or else I'd be roaming the mountains by now…" Big sighed and closed the door again.

"Amy, where's Knuckles?" Chaoia asked.

"He's a loner, he went off by himself to explore, like Sonic," Amy sighed.

"THIS ISN'T FAIR!" Starr shrieked, "I'M THE TRAVELLER! I WANNA GO TOO!"

Tomoko: Jesus, someone better stop her screeching before I toss her into a damn bonfire...

"Hey, guys!" Chris greeted.

"Oh, good," Jet said, "Now that you're home, maybe you can catch my flying sister," he said pointing at Starr who was running around the room screaming about her boredom. (Hee hee, Sokka line.)

Akiko: *bored* Stop the author's notes, please...

"Um, sorry I'm late, I just found out my parents are coming back home tonight!" Chris said excitedly.

"So?" Shadow rudely commented.

Miyuki: If I punch him, will it count as animal abuse?
Tails: Akiko spars with Kyo LeMaire on a regular basis, so I think that's a no. Just don't punch the defenseless animals.

"So? They're never home. My mom's an actress and my Dad is the president of a Microsoft company," Chris explained.

"I'm so happy for you, Chris!" Cream smiled.

"Chao Chao!" Cheese added. (Me too!)

"I'M BOOOOORED!" Starr wailed once again.

All: Shut up!
Tomoko: God, I need to shove some metal down her throat!

"We know, we know…" Jet mumbled.

"So, we just stay here when you're parents come?" Tails asked.

"Uh… yeah," Chris answered. Starr shrieked and fell over on her face.

Miyuki: I guess you want the eleven herbs and spices now, huh?
Tomoko: Yeah. Go get 'em.

"You're lucky," Amy said enviously, "We hardly know OUR parents. Only Cream is closely connected with her mother." Cream sniffled remembering that she was separated from her mother. Jet flinched and gave a weak cough. Starr got up off her face and made another suggestion.

"Can we at least go into another room?" Starr asked completely oblivious to the subject.

Akiko: Rude.

"Well, no. Mr. Tanaka or Ella might see-"

"AUGH! THIS ISN'T FAIR DANGIT!" Starr wailed and thrust her boomerang into the air. It bounced off the walls trying to hit anyone it got close to. When it missed Chris, it flew out the door and there was a sound of glass shattering.

"Whoops! Sorry!" Starr panicked.

All: *stares at the screen*
Miyuki: You're making a tapeworm look like a better character, I hope you know that.

"Master Chris? What are you doing up there?" a woman's voice called.

"Oh, shoot. JUST A MINUTE, ELLA!" Chris called back, "Quick! Hide in the closet!" Every one rushed into the… I guess it must've been pretty large considering it can hold Big the Cat and everybody else except Tails…

"What am I supposed to do then?" Tails panicked.

"Uh- BE A PLUSHIE!" Chris said quickly. Tails plopped down on the floor motionless with a very adorable looking face. (Squeakie!) With that the door opened, revealing a maid in a blue dress.

Tails: *sarcastically* No, this definitely didn't come from "Sonic X". Why do you ask?
Akiko: So we're definitely ripping whole plots off now, huh?
Tails: Yeah. It's no longer a fanfic, it's now just a lazily copied script.
Miyuki: So... does that count as plagiarism?
Tails: Hmm... I don't know. I'll have to ask Amy and Sonia about it.

"What was that crash?" she asked.

"Uh, sorry, Ella," Chris said coming up with excuses, "I, uh, dropped my ball," he said picking up a baseball from his desk. Ella looked at him suspiciously.

"Really?" she asked.

"Um, yes," Chris gulped. Ella just smiled then looked at Tails. Tails felt a drop of sweat run down the back of his head but he still remained motionless.

"Ah, when did you get this?" Ella asked admiringly.

"Um, a few weeks ago, Mom mailed it to me," Chris lied. Tails couldn't help it he looked over at where Ella was standing.

"I-it just looked at me!" Ella stammered. Chris thought up more excuses.

"Um, it one that moves its eyes!" he explained. Ella merely nodded and crept out of the room.

Miyuki: This really happened, huh?
Tails: Yeah.

"Whew, that was close," Chris sighed.

"I can't feel my face…" Tails muttered.

"I can't feel my butt…" Amy groaned rubbing her backside.

"I can't feel my anything!" Charmy screamed.

"I can't feel my-" Jet started.

"ENOUGH!" Chris shrieked.

"…arms…" Jet finished.

"Guys, do you see why you can't leave here?" Chris asked. Starr shifted her eyes slowly towards the ceiling in thought, and then answered…

"No."

Tomoko: You're getting on my last damn nerve.
Akiko: You have a low tolerance for everything, Tomo-chan.

"If Ella knew you were here she'd probably call the authorities!"

"I HELP the authorities," Rouge insisted.

"WHAT? You've only been here for a day! But more importantly, they know you're here and where you stay?" Chris panicked.

"I never said that," Rouge said. Chris sighed and then Rouge finished, "But they might."

"Oh, THAT'S just BRILLIENT, Rouge!" Starr snapped.

Tails: *as he restarts his Miles Electric* I'm not going to dignify that with a proper response.
Miyuki: I will. Screechy and stupid. Just the way I hate 'em.

"At least I don't go around breaking antiques with a boomerang." Starr's face turned lobster red and she left it at that.

Akiko: Man, she hit a real record from tolerable to hated, didn't she?

"Hey, Chris!" said a voice, "Guess what! A bunch of animals just came here last night from an unknown planet!" An older man rushed into the room excitedly. He was wearing a lab coat. "This could mean extraterrestrials really exist! And raspberry jam isn't a myth!"

Miyuki: *bored* Oh, look. Another attempt at random humor.
Tomoko: Anything's better than listening to that screechy ass Froot Loop.

Then he saw all of our heroes. Nobody said anything for a long time. Then Starr piped up,

"They have jalapeño jam too, that's a really strange flavor."

"Starr, shut up," Jet hissed.

Tails: *applauds* Thank you! *stops* Wow, I think my group's rubbing off on me.
Tomoko: Don't feel bad, Prower. She needed to shut up long ago.

"You said 'shut up.' We NEVER say that in the game-"

"Starr-"

"Except in the movie when Eggman says it-"

"Starr-"

"Then again, he's a constipated freak-"

Akiko: I think you're making my ears hurt.

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY? WE'VE SAID IT TWENTY HUNDRED TIMES IN THIS STORY! I THINK YOU EVEN SAID IT! SO JUST SHUT UP!"

"Jeez, all you had to do was ask, man, sheesh…"

Miyuki: Seriously, you were being an annoying little tool. You needed to shut up. Just be glad that you aren't in the same room with Tomoko.

With that Sonic rushed in.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Jet said 'shut up'-" Starr began.

Tomoko: Nobody cares. Shut up. *grumbles* Whiny bitch.
Miyuki: Welp!

"No, I mean before that."

"Oh, some guy came in and now we're all just staring at each other and all this silence was really irritating so I told him about jalapeño jam and then Jet told me to shut up and I made a reference to how we NEVER say that in the games like Jet was put in three different positions to say shut up to Storm and Wave and-"

All: Shut up!

"Jet, what happened?"

"HEY! Why aren't you listening to me?"

Tomoko: Okay, that's it! *pulls out her chains*
Akiko: Tomo-chan, wait! Do you really want to murder someone while the whole planet is watching?
Tomoko: Yes, I do!
Tails: This is scaring me.

"EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!" Chris shouted. Everybody shut up. Except the man who was very excited to see the animals right in front of his face.

"AHH! CHRIS! GET ME A SCREWDRIVER!" he yelled.

Tails: *covers his ears* Why is everyone yelling again?

"Um…" Chris said. The man grabbed Sonic and pulled a screwdriver out of my hand while I was trying to master the art of eating macaroni with a screwdriver. I got up and frowned.

"Hey!" I yelled, "I was trying to eat mac n' cheese with that!"

"Dude, bloomacncheez, isn't that cannibalism?" Sonic-Boom asked me.

"DARNIT YOU POLITICS!" I yelled and started trying to master the art of eating jelly beans with a ruler.

Tails: ...what a waste of text.
Miyuki: Starting to think that this fic's now a waste of bandwidth.

"Um… alright forget you," the man said and stabbed Sonic in the butt with the screwdriver.

"AH! HAHA! STOP! THAT TICKLES! OOH! OW! DON'T DO THAT!" Sonic shrieked. He jumped out of the man's arms and rubbed his butt painfully.

"Hey! Get back here!" the man screamed.

"Don't look at me, I'm not in line," Starr said backing off. The man ran after Sonic.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MOMMY! HELP ME FROM THIS INSANE GUY!" Sonic yelled running for dear life.

Two hours later of Sonic being chased around by the guy with a screwdriver…

Akiko: It's always two hours of something. Why is it two hours?
Tails: Guess everyone's copying off of each other now.

"I…give up…" the man panted, "He's… too… fast…"

"Um… I thought we established that two hours ago when you started chasing me…" Sonic said.

"Guys, this is my Grandpa Chuck," Chris explained, "He's a scientist."

Tomoko: Hey, at least Gramps over there got some exercise out of it.

"I had a bad experience with scientists once," Starr said. But when everyone waited for the story she just muttered, "I'd rather not discuss it…"

Miyuki: Man, you're really butting into conversations, aren't you?
Tails: Yeah, she's about to grab the "Obnoxi-Sue" ticket.
Akiko: She already grabbed it.

"Um… okaaaay…" Jet said inching away from his sister.

"See, Grandpa?" Chris explained, "They aren't machines! They're REAL animals, only bigger and from an unknown planet."

"Um, what are you doing?" Chuck asked Tails.

"Oh! Uh- I thought I'd fix up this machine. Sorry," the fox replied shyly.

"Sorry? Why? I've been trying to fix that old thing for years! How'd you do that?"

While Tails and Chuck occupied themselves, Starr came back up to Chris.

"So, now that your grandpa knows about us can we go out now?" she asked.

Tomoko: Only if you step into an oven first. Then you can go outside.
Tails: Are you hungry?
Tomoko: No. I just want her baked at 350 degrees.
Tails: *raises an eyebrow*

"Starr, no. There's a difference-," Chris started. Then a man entered the room.

"Oh snap!" Sonic yelped. The man appeared to be wearing a tuxedo and thin glasses.

Akiko: Tuxedo Mask? Hein?
Miyuki: *laughs* No and no.

"Hello," he greeted, "How are you, Miss Cream?"

"I'm fine, Mr. Tanaka!" Cream chirped.

"Chao!" Cheese added. (I've gotta go to the bathroom! Well… I did…)

"B-b-b-but... how?" Chris sputtered.

"Um, Cheese was hungry last night…" Cream started. (Cheese rudely belched causing Shadow to cough and pinch his nose.)

Miyuki: Good. He kinda needed some sort of comeuppance.

"And when he went downstairs to get something, we got caught." Chris blinked.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" Chris asked. Cream shrugged and Cheese burped.

"Um, does anybody know where Starr went?" Jet asked looking under couch cushions.

"AAH! SHE'S GOING TO BE TAKEN BY THE MILITARY!" Chris screamed.

"NO! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN!" Jet wailed.

"NO! I'VE ONLY SAID I LOVED HER THREE HUNDRED TIMES!" Vector yelped.

"NO! I WANTED TO MAKE HER CHEAT ON VECTOR AND GO OUT WITH ME!" Espio shouted.

"NO! SHE'S ONE OF MY NEW BEST FRIENDS!" Amy cried.

"NO! NOT ON THE FLOOR, CHEESE!" Cream groaned.

Tails: My ears!
Akiko: I think you should start fixing that broken noise device in a minute.
Tails: I should've done that three chapters ago.
Miyuki: Hey, nobody's psychic... well, except for your cousin.
Tails: But her powers don't involve telling the future.
Miyuki: Oh, that's right. Oops.

"Chao…" (Sorry)

"Um, hello?" Starr said.

Tomoko: *annoyed* What the hell do you want now?

"What the-?" Shadow said.

"I've been literally standing here the entire time. Now, Espio…"

"AAH! DON'T HURT! MEEEEE!" Espio wailed when Starr pulled out her boomerang (because it came back like it was supposed to.)

All: *confused*
Miyuki: Please don't tell me that she threatens people now. It'll make me like her even less.

"So… Ella's the only one who doesn't know where we are?" Sonic said.

"Yeah- wait. How'd you know her? You weren't in the room for that episode…" Chris said. It got quiet.

Tomoko: Better get back to building your wall, Fujiwara.
Miyuki: *sighs*

"Awkward…" Chaoy sang quietly. Sonic looked at the floor.

"Um… she caught me," he said. With that Jet, Starr, and Shadow exploded into peals of laughter. They laughed so hard they fell on the floor and could hardly speak or breathe. Amy, Tails, and Chaoia shook their heads not at all amused.

All: *silent*
Akiko: *begins to eat her ice cream*
Miyuki: *groans, presses her face into the wall*
Tails: ...end my misery.
Tomoko: You could always jump out of the window again.
Tails: It would be a lot less painful.

"Wai-wait! Hold on. EGGMAN can't catch you but a little MAID can?" Shadow laughed.

"So-so YOU'RE supposed to be the fastest thing alive?" Jet giggled. (Infamous line that I love and HAD to use.)

"I CAN'T BREATHE!" Starr exploded into tears of amusement.

"Okay, now that we-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the three burst out into more laughing.

"Yes, it's very funny, now shut-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HE-HE GOT CAUGHT BY ELLA! HAHAHA!"

"Okay we get it, now-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AND SONIC SAYS WE'RE SLOW! HAHAHA!"

"Haha, you're hilarious, Starr, now SHUT UP ALREADY!"

"Hee hee," Shadow giggled. Sonic glared at him. Shadow stopped giggling but kept grinning.

Miyuki: Any more of this crap and I'm gonna start cramming bricks down their throats.

"Anyway she was having trouble so naturally I helped her. So, Shadow you can take that stupid grin off your face." Shadow made a (very fake) stupid looking frown and made Jet and Starr roll around on the floor laughing again. Sonic rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath that only Jet and Starr caught.

"Wait, did you just call us 'birdbrains'?" Jet snapped.

"Uh, no," Sonic lied.

"OH YOU ARE ONE DEAD HEDGEHOG! Amy, forgive me for this," Starr said before pulling her boomerang again.

Tails: Seriously... what's with all the Sues always abusing Sonic? Is this a trend?
Akiko: Yep.

"PLEASE! Enough with the ouching already! We've already lost enough minds," Chris said stopping the fight.

"Can I pinch him at least?" Starr pleaded.

"No."

"Smack?"

"No."

"Nibble his ear?"

"GOSH NO!"

"…how 'bout-"

Tomoko: Shut the hell up, will ya?!

"NO!"

"Alright, alright…" Starr growled replacing her boomerang. Suddenly the T.V. flicked on.

This is Scarlet Garcia, reporting for Station Square news. Right here in the city there was a peculiar Emerald found in a construction site. It has been causing the strangest occurrences, such as…

Miyuki: ...this dumb fic existing.

With that a picture of a turned over car flashed onto the screen.

"You guys don't know anything about this do you?' Chuck asked.

"'Course we do! Those are what got us here!" Jet exclaimed.

"Yep, which reminds me. I'd like to say this on ALL of our behalf… Jet this is all your fault," Sonic said.

Tails: This really isn't Sonic. Or Sonic's humor.
Akiko: Dead and deader.

"SHUT UP!"

"Okay, hold on guys," Starr said getting between the two, "We all need to get that Chaos Emerald before Eggman gets it. He will get there first if we sit here arguing about whose fault it is for getting here. And I know you guys will BOTH be mortified if he gets there first."

Akiko: Wait, now you want to be logical? Why do badly written characters have random personalities?
Tails: *shrugs*

Sonic and Jet nodded. So everybody got on their Extreme Gear (with the exception of Chris and Chuck, Chris rode with Sonic and Chuck rode with Tails) and flew towards Station Square Central.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Miyuki: And then Eggman nuked them into orbit.
Tomoko: Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen.
Miyuki: You know you want it to happen.
Tomoko: Yeah, but I also gotta be realistic here. It ain't happening.

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