Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Black Crow Crew, Episode 16: The Power of Love (Part Four)

--

7. The Ghost vs the Assassin

Alex , Helena , Kokoro and Kasumi left the hotel to see if they could locate the source of the monsters but little did they know that they were being watch by a foe and a friend.

Jessie: *flatly* The suspense is killing me.

Ghost had read all of the files about Christie he knew she was a cold blooded killer who killed because it was fun

Miyu: Uh, no. She's an assassin. She gets paid to do it. She doesn't kill for the heck of it.
Cassy: Well, it's said that she does enjoy her job. But that would make her a serial killer if she wasn't being paid.

and he also knew that she would try to kill Alex just to hurt Helena and Ghost would not let that happen.

Akiko: Because if the Stu died, Helena would get her canon personality back. That would not be allowed!

He knew Alex before the sentinel program before Alex lost his family he was a kind person but after they were killed Alex became cold and was only focused on revenge but now he was healing

Kyo: He fucking eviscerated a guy a chapter ago! Don't you dare talk to me about that "he's healing" bullshit!

and Clinton codename Ghost would not let his best friend lose his new family even if it kills him he will help Alex and Helena in any way he can.

Jessie: Dance, puppet, dance!

So as Christie was tracking them Ghost was tracking her until he saw her stop on a ledge and aimed her rifle. "Bye bye ." She was about to pull the trigger when she was knocked off the ledge by Ghost.

Cassy: Of course. If anyone thought that she was gonna be successful, you're either dreaming, drunk, or high.
Kyo: Can I be all three of those so I don't have to continue reading this?
Cassy: Nope. You're gonna suffer with us, too.

Christie landed on her feet. She looked up to see what pushed her only to see ghost with a gun pointed at her. "Well what do we have here? A new player in the hunt?" Ghost was in no mood for games so he fired his gun. But Christie wasn't dead. "What!" Ghost kept firing but his shots weren't getting through. He noticed that she had energy shields. "What the shields? How did you get shields?"

Miyu: I'd also like to know about this nonsensical "confrontation".

Christie smirked. "Wow and I thought you sentinels were supposed to be smart well I guess I gave you too much credit oh well." Ghost switched to his custom carbine rifle and took aim. "Any last words?" "Turn around." "Do you really think I'm going to fall for that?" He then noticed a large shadow appear over him and he looked up. Christie was still smirking. "I tired to warn you." Ghost was then eaten by a giant worm like creature. "Not again." was all Christie could hear. "Lightweight." She then picked up her rifle. "So my prey where did you go?"

Akiko: Wait, he's been eaten before? Well, that means that he's not dead.
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* He's the Stu's friend. Of course he's not dead.

meanwhile outside the city

Alex and Helena had split up from Kasumi and Kokoro so they could could cover more ground. "Alex can I ask you something?" "Sure Helena. What is it?" "If we could have kids what would you like to name them?" Alex was thinking. "Why are you asking me this anyway?" "I just wanted to know." "Ok boy or girl?" "Girl" Alex looked to the ground for a second. "Well for a girl I always liked the name Laura." Helena smiled. "I like that."

Jessie: The problem isn't that they've been together for a year. The problem is that there's no damned chemistry! Also, I thought that the Stu was infertile!
Cassy: Dude, you know that that garbage was only there for the "drama" element.

"So can I ask you something?" "What is it you want to ask me?" "Well why do you love me?" Helena was surprised at Alex's question. "Why? I can't answer that." "Why not?" Helena shook her head. "Because there are too many reasons but the top of the list is that I feel that we are soul mates bonded together by love forever and nothing will get in our loves way.

Kyo: No... just... no.
Akiko: *sticks two Lego pieces together* Gotta tell the audience that they love each other every five minutes.
Miyu: I seriously don't believe that these pod people love each other. We're not seeing any development in their "relationship", and they don't have any meaningful discussions. They don't even gel properly! The only thing that this "relationship" has is the fact that the Stu has controlled or usurped every single aspect of Miss Douglas's life! This is absolutely ridiculous!

Does that answer your question?" Alex was blushing. "I guess so."

All: No, it doesn't.

Helena was about to ask something else when ground started to shake.

Cassy: Uh... even nature has to interrupt her?

"Alex what is that?" "Earthquake maybe." Then the worm creature came out of the ground. "Ok maybe not. Run!" Alex and Helena ran to the side. "Alex was is that thing?" "I don't know but stand back."

Kyo: *as the Stu* Stand back while I fight that thing with my penis sword! Be still, frail woman who already knows how to fight!
Miyu: Are we reading the fifth or sixth draft of "Outcast Saga" now?
Akiko: *bored* I don't know, but the "pushing women out of the way so a man can shine" stuff is getting really old.

Alex activated his plasma chain gun. The gold gun came to life. Three barrels of six began releasing plasma at an amazing rate. Within seconds the creature was full of holes and fell to the ground dead."Wow Alex is there anything you can't do?" He smiled.

Cassy: The shilling. It's getting old.
Jessie: And it's pissing me off.

Then he noticed movement in the corpse. "Stay here also activate a gun please." She nodded and got her SMG out. Alex got close to the corpse.

Kyo: And then it reanimated itself and ate him. The End.

"Ah dammit not again." He let out his war blades the two crystal green blades came out of his right forearm then hes left. He started cutting into the corpse right arm left arm and so on until Ghost fell out. "Oh man that was awful." Alex shook his head. "Ghost how many times have I had to cut you out of a giant creatures stomach?" Ghost got to his feet. "26"

Miyu: *laughs halfheartedly* Humor.
Kyo, Jessie, Cassy, Akiko: *flatly* My sides.
Miyu: By the way, how did he get eaten and survived so many times?
Akiko: And how did he avoid getting hit by those bullets?
Cassy: It's... logic doesn't exist.

"I thought so. How did you get in there?" Helena came over to them. "So what is going on?" Ghost looked down. "Well I was tracking Christie who about to put a bullet in your head Alex.

Akiko: It was for the good of the world! You should've let her do it!

So I stopped her but when I shot her I found out she had energy shields then this worm thing ate me." "Wait how did she get energy shields?" Helena asked. Alex thought for a moment "Well she works for Donovan and he was allied with Titan and now has control of his armies and his tech so that makes sense that his flunkies would have that tech."

Jessie: That makes absolutely zero fucking sense.
Akiko: Wait, I thought that it was spelled "Titian".
Miyu: Correcting mistakes is a myth, Akiko.

Helena's eyes widened. "Alex what about Kokoro and Kasumi? If she was tracking us then there's a chance."

Kyo: *as the Stu* Why are you talking, ornament? You're supposed to be seen and not heard.

Alex cut in.

Kyo: I was being sarcastic, you asshole!

"They are being tracked too." They heard clapping. "Well done war machine and I thought you were just a handsome face." The three of them turned. "Banshee?" Alex and Ghost said in unison.

Jessie: And who the hell is she?
Cassy: *sighs* Another OC that nobody cares about.

Banshee stepped out of the shadows. She was about 5ft4 and had blood red eyes and short brown hair. Her Armour was a reddish black with red lights. "Alex who is this?" Banshee's eyes turned to Helena. "So this is the girl you fell for? I was expecting better."

Cassy: Oh, Christ. You went and activated the Stu's penis rage, dude!
Akiko: I'm going to feel sorry for her. And I don't think that the Stuthor was intending to make the audience feel sorry for her.

Alex lunged with his war blades. "Oh crap!" She tried to get out of the way but Alex was too fast. He cut into her and pinned her against a nearby tree. Banshee was coughing up blood.

Miyu: *sarcastically claps* Our. Hero. What a psychopath.
Jessie: I hate him so much.
Kyo: No kidding.

"Kill me and her sister dies." Alex removed his blades but ghost ran up and kept her pinned. "I got this Alex you and Helena get out of here." Alex nodded and grabbed Helena. And they ran back into the city.

Kyo: Context? Fuck context! We don't need that!
Cassy: So... have you all realized that the only two women who fought in this trash were the bad guys?
Jessie: And they were both beaten up and choked out by the Stu. Don't forget that.
Miyu: This fic has tons of accidental misogyny in it. I don't know if it's going to be an Epic Failure fic, but it's still pretty bad.

Meanwhile back at the hotel

Kasumi and Kokoro went back to the hotel. "Well that was a waste of time." Kasumi said as she sat down on the couch.

Kyo: You're talking about this fic, right?

Kokoro sat next to her and let out a sigh. "We can hope that Helena and Alex are having better luck." Kasumi nodded in agreement. Just then Helena and Alex Came though the door.

Akiko: This is the worst play ever.

Helena looked at them. "Are you two alright?" Kokoro and Kasumi looked at each other confused. "Why wouldn't we be Helena?" Kasumi asked. "Well at least they're ok." Alex said. Just then he got a call from Ghost. He set his phone to speaker. "Ghost where are you." I'm at what looks like a science lab." "Where's Banshee?" "She wasn't being helpful so I left in a very small cell."

Jessie: Remember those details that we could've seen onscreen?!
Cassy: Dude can't write his way out of a wet paper bag.

"Ok so what's in the lab?" "Well it's empty it looks like they packed up in a hurry. Hmm I found a map it looks like they moved to a remote island but I can't tell where. In the mean time I would suggest finding a place to hold up until we find their base." "Will co war machine out." Alex then turned to the girls. "So all of this was for nothing?" Helena asked.

Miyu: Yes. Yes, it was. We're on the seventh chapter. There are twelve chapters in this fic. This is a fic that is in the Dead or Alive section. And it's sinfully bland.

"It looks that way." Kasumi then had an idea. "You three should get going I'll see if I can track down some help good luck." She then got up and left the room. "Ok let's get back to the jet." Kokoro said. They checked out and got back to the jet. Alex called raptor back raptor was there is seconds. "Good boy. Have fun?" Raptor nodded. Then the four of the got back on the jet.

They got back to the mansion.

Akiko: Are you telling me that he sent his Transformer thingy... to kill more people?
Kyo: Jesus fucking Christmas, he really is a psychopath.

"Well now what." Helena asked. "Well we should." he was cut off by the phone ringing. "I'll get it." Helena picked up the phone. "Hello." "Good day miss Douglas I was wondering if you remembered that you have an interview on World news in an hour." Helena had forgotten all about that. "Oh I'm sorry it had slipped my mind."

Jessie: What the hell?! Why is this here?!
Akiko: *groans* We really aren't getting any action scenes. This fic is so lame!

The voice was happy " So are you going to be here or not.

Cassy: Wow, you're pretty rude.

Helena looked at Alex he nodded. "Yes I'll be there." "Good see you in an hour." Helena hung the phone up. "Let's get going." "Kokoro stay here." "Why?" "Because if this is a trap I want you and raptor as far away as possible. Got it?" Kokoro nodded. "Good Alex let's go." The two of them git into the car and drove off."

Kyo: And then the car exploded. The End.
Cassy: Keep grasping at straws, dude.

8. The Interview

Helena and Alex arrived at the World News Broadcasting center. They met a women at the front of the building.

Miyu: They met "a women"? Singular or plural?

"Ah miss Helena we are so glad to have you here." Helena was a little nervous but Then Alex held her right hand in his left. Helena was able to relax.

Cassy: Helena. Nervous. Pick one, dude.
Kyo: Also... *as the Stu* Let me, the man, ease your nerves since you can't do it on your own!

The women cleared her throat "Um if you could please follow me."

Akiko: Uh... there's more than one lady?
Kyo: They're sharing a single throat, too.

She lead Helena and Alex into the building. Once inside they were sent into the main part of the studio. The women told them to wait there. Alex and Helena looked around the main room then a women walked up to them. "Hello miss Douglas I am Lilly Cobalt and I am honoured to have you on the show."

Jessie: And she works with Lin-Z, right?
Cassy: They. There's a bunch of invisible women here.

Lilly stood about 5ft tall and had blue eyes short cut blonde hair and spoke with a slight German accent.

Cassy: *takes the megaphone from Jessie* Who the fuck cares, dude?!
Miyu: *takes the megaphone from Cassy* Well, to be fair, basic descriptions are needed here. It's just awkwardly inserted.

Helena gave Lilly a small smile. "Thank you miss Cobalt it is nice to be here." Lilly then looked at Alex. "Hello Alex it's nice to see you again."

All: Again?!

"Nice to see you too Lilly." Helena was very surprised "Alex who does she know you?" Alex rubbed the back of his head. "Well Lilly was a good friend of my mom's." Lilly cut in. "Yes Lisa was a good friend and before she passed she asked me to keep an eye on Alex should anything happen to her or Anthony."

Kyo: Who the hell is Anthony?
Miyu: I'm guessing that he was the Stu's father.

Helena was feeling a little scared to go on to nation television sure she had preformed in front of large crowds but that was opera singing where all she had to do was sing but this was not the same thing this was going on TV where she had no clue what this interview was about.

Miyu: Excuse me?! Opera isn't just singing! Operas have roles and scenes! People don't just sing in them!

Lilly could see the uneasy look in Helena's eyes and had an idea. "Hey Alex you are coming an the show right?"

Akiko: *groans* Agh, he's gonna take over her role again!
Jessie: I'm so sick of this damn Stu.

Alex looked a little surprised "Well I guess I could if you want me to Helena." "Yes I think that would be a great idea."

All: No, it wouldn't.

The uneasiness left Helena as soon as she knew Alex would be right next to her.

Kyo: Because the woman can't do anything unless a man is by her side. Jesus...
Cassy: He's like a virus. He just has to infect everything.

Lilly smiled "Great Ok so just take a seat and let's get rolling. The three of them sat on the set Lilly sat behind a desk while Helena and Alex sat on a leather couch. "Hello and welcome to World news we are here today with Helena Douglas the Head of Doatec.

Akiko: Shouldn't that be in all caps?
Cassy: You mean "DOATEC"? Yep.

Hello miss Douglas and welcome to the show." "It's great to be here oh and call me Helena." "Ok Helena so why haven't you been seen in the public eye recently?" Helena was caught off guard.

Jessie: Never mind being captured, avenging the death of her mother, and the fact that she almost blew herself up.

"Well I have been busy looking into problems in the company but most of those have been cleared up." "Well it sounds like you have had quite a year but we are getting some calls from the our viewers yes caller number one you are on World news."

Miyu: Wait, we're going to callers after one question? What kind of botched interview is this?

A voice spoke "Yes hello I was wondering you is that sitting next to you?"

Miyu: *holds her head* Argh!
Akiko: *raises an eyebrow in annoyance* Really? Really? We had to go there? We had to put the spotlight on the Stu again?

Alex looked at Helena the look on his face was unsure Helena could tell what he was trying to ask her. "This is Alex my Boyfriend and partner."

Cassy: He's also the partner who's two steps away from being a domestic abuser. Don't forget that.

Lilly's jaw dropped. "Boyfriend well that impressive." The rest of the interview went well.

Cassy: More shilling? Ugh.
Jessie: What was the point of any of this? Why is this chapter here? Why am I supposed to care about this crap?
Kyo: *shrugs* I dunno.
Jessie: You know what? I don't care what happens to these people.
Kyo: And the "Eight Deadly Words" have now been spoken.

Lilly was walking them to their car. "Thanks again for coming on the show Helena." "It was fun." Helena was getting in the side seat of the car. "Goodbye Alex you two take care." Helena and Alex drove off.

Kyo: And then their car exploded.
Akiko: Kyo-chan, you just wished for that! It's not happening!

Meanwhile in a dark room somewhere

Cassy: ...Kyo was torturing the Gary Stu.
Kyo: I wish I was doing that.

Christie was standing in the room looking out of a big window. When Donovan entered the room. "Christie I assume your mission went well." Christie knew that he was kidding he always knew. "You know how it went Victor." "Yes I do which is why I've hired you some back up." "I don't need any back up I just need to get Helena alone or catch Alex with his guard down."

Jessie: You? Against an abusive Gary Stu with a bad temper? Yeah, good luck.

Banshee then appeared "War machine never lets his guard down." Christie turned to see who had said that. "You the hell are you." Banshee smiled. "I'm your back up." Victor could see that the two of them would probably have better odds if they worked together."Ladies please." "Sorry sir!" Banshee was standing up straight and saluting Victor. Christie was eying her. "What is up with her?" Victor was confused as well. "Banshee?" She remained still. It then came to Victor. "Banshee at ease." Banshee relaxed. "Now the two of you will work together got it?" "Yes sir." They said at the same time. "Good now I have a job for you two. I'm sending you two on a mission to acquire a certain object for me." Banshee raised her eyebrow. "What is the object Sir?" "You two will learn more when you get there now be off I have work to do. With that the pair left the room.

Miyu: *flatly* Oh, look. Two women can't get along.
Cassy: Fic's wasting no time hitting all of the buttons, huh?
Miyu: It's rolling over them like a happy pig in mud, Cassidy.
Akiko: Wait, wasn't she in a cell? How did Banshee break out?
Kyo: We don't need details, Akiko. That's for losers who use their heads.

Back at the mansion

"Well that went well." Alex said. "Yes it did." Helena and Alex were sitting in the kitchen. Suddenly Alex got a call. "Yes?" A voice answered "Alex you need to get miss Douglas out of there." The com went down. "Dam. Ok Helena get your things raptor I need you to pack up the gear." Kokoro was wondering what was going on. "Whoa Alex what's going on?" "I have been ordered to get the two of you someplace save. Helena and Kokoro got their stuff packed.

After they got everything packed

Akiko: Thrill as they do... even more packing?! Seriously?!
Jessie: Yeah, seriously.

Helena was looking at the craft in front of the mansion. "Alex what is this?" "A gift it will get us to a place where we can hold up." They got onto the ship.

Akiko: A ship? He has a ship?!
Cassy: It gets worse. Helena has a ship of her own. Well, it's a cruise ship. It's called the Freedom Survivor.
Kyo: What'd he do, sell it to an auction house?! Holy damn, he really does want to make her obsolete!

One hour later

Helena and Alex were lying in a bed. "Alex I love you." "I love you too Helena." The two fell asleep in each others arms dreaming about tomorrow."

Miyu: I'm almost tempted to pour an ant farm over this pile of sugar.
Jessie: Don't. It'll be hell to clean up.
Kyo: Just pour fire ants on those two nitwits instead. It would make the fic more entertaining.
Cassy: It'd give them another reason to shower together.
Akiko: How long until he loses control of himself again?
Kyo: He'll be losing control when the ants are roaming all over his--
Miyu: Thank you, Kyo.

--

Continue to Part Five
Go Back to Part Three
Go Back to Sequelitis Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page