Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 8: New Allies or New Enemies? (Part Three)

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Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or anything.

... - Anna's telepathic bond

/.../ - Sakura's telepathic bond

'...' - thoughts

Italics - dreaming

Recap:

"Were you able to finish?" Anna asked. Sakura nodded.

"Let's go," was all she said.

Miyuki: *groans*
Kaoru: I forgot to count that as a sign. Well, it's not too late. *sighs* Eighteenth sign... the writer assumes that the reading audience can't comprehend the previous chapter or click the back button.

CHAPTER FOUR

At the Park

"Mercury...Aqua Rhapsody!"

"Jupiter...Oak Evolution!"

The ice and leave attacks combined to hit the youma. It created a small explosion and when the smoke cleared away, they all gasped.

"It barely even phased it!" Mercury said.

Cassy: *bored* No duh, dude.

"We're going to have to try the Sailor Planet Attack!" Venus yelled.

"Right!" everyone agreed.

Benimaru: Question.
Kaoru: Yes?
Benimaru: About this "Sailor Planet Attack"... what is it?
Kaoru: It's often used as a last resort for the Inner Senshi, and it usually succeeded.
Benimaru: Now that you said that it usually succeeded... I have no faith in it here.

"Moon Eternal Power!"

"Mercury Crystal Power!"

"Mars Crystal Power!"

"Jupiter Crystal Power!"

"Venus Crystal Power!"

"Saturn Crystal Power!"

"Uranus Crystal Power!"

"Neptune Crystal Power!"

"Pluto Crystal Power!"

They all glowed their respective planetary colors, then their power combined together. "SAILOR PLANET...ATTACK!" they all yelled together. Their powers pooled together to form one massive beam of energy. The attack created an even bigger explosion than before and they had to close their eyes because of the smoke. When the smoke cleared away, they opened their eyes and stared in shock. The youma got weakened, but...

Benimaru: It's still standing. Calling it.
Miyuki: Yeah, I think we all called it. After all, they're not the Sues. They're supposed to suck.
Cassy: Even though it's set after the fifth arc and they've saved the planet many times without their help?
Kaoru: Yes. It's a Mary Sue fanfiction, after all. And there's our nineteenth sign... their best attack doesn't work.

"It's still standing? How can it still be standing?" Uranus stated in disbelief.

Cassy: ...this is freakin' stupid.

The youma started charging at them, but none of the scouts had enough energy to get up and dodge.

Suddenly, they saw a silver blur run by and the scout they know as Sailor Star stopped in front of the youma, sticking out her foot and tripping it.

Cassy: *twitches*
Benimaru: *facepalms, sighs*
Miyuki: Wait, so Sailor Planet Attack failed, but tripping the youma worked?! You know what?! This fic is ass!
Kaoru: *sighs, looks in her teapot* Out of tea... *sets up another pot*

She then called out, "Sailor Galactica, hurry! We have to do this before it gets back up!"

Miyuki: *grumbles* Can't believe that tripping the damn youma had a better effect. Tripping. This crap ass fic...
Cassy: They must've been playing Smash Bros. Brawl if that's the case.

The other sailors were confused.

Cassy: Yeah, so were we.

'What do they have to do?' was what a lot of them were thinking. They saw Sailor Galactica jump out and stood facing Sailor Star.

Sailor Star's POV

...Sakura, what are we supposed to do?... Anna asked nervously.

Miyuki: You upstage them. You know, just do the same thing that you've been doing since the beginning of this stupid fic.

I gave her a small smile to try and reassure her. /Don't worry, Anna. We're going to have to make them more powerful so they can defeat the youmas without needing out help every time.

Benimaru: They've been defeating villains long before your overpowered behinds showed up. Why is this a problem now?
Kaoru: Because this is a Mary Sue fanfiction.

I need you to help me by gathering some of your regular energy so we can power up their transformations to the next level. Now hurry!/ I said quickly.

Cassy: Uh... you freakin' kiddin' me, dude?
Kaoru: Sounds like a twentieth sign now.

We both raised out arms and started transferring our energy towards the center in between us, where a glowing ball of our energy started to form. Soon enough, when it reached the right size, we stopped the flow of energy. Then I concentrated and the ball of energy dispersed into nine smaller balls of energy. By then I was feeling pretty drained.

Miyuki: *plays a tiny violin* Yeah, poor you. So tired from being perfectly overpowered.

Each ball of energy went to one of the scouts and created a new brooch or transformation pen. Just then, I heard an angry roar behind me. I turned around, just in time to see the youma's claws rake my front, injuring me and in the process, cutting the silver band. It fell away to expose the eight-pointed star on my forehead.

Cassy: Yes! Yes! Kill the perfect Sue!
Benimaru: A little bloodthirsty, aren't you...?
Cassy: Yes, I am.

Pluto's POV

I stared in shock at the eight-pointed star on Sailor Star's forehead.

Kaoru: How many times do we need to know that the star was eight-pointed?
Benimaru: Millions of times. Just like how we needed a recap at the beginning of every chapter.

'Princess!' I thought but that wasn't the only voice I heard in my head. 'Uranus, Neptune, Saturn?' I hesitatingly asked in my head.

Cassy: They're dead. Sue killed 'em.

'Pluto!?' Now that was pretty loud.

Next, I heard Uranus in my head. 'How on Earth are we-' but Saturn cut her off.

'No time now! Talk later!' We all nodded in agreement.

Miyuki: I'm lost.
Benimaru: Join the club, Miyuki.

Normal POV

"Sailor Star!!" Sailor Galactica yelled out. Sailor Star didn't respond of move.

Cassy: Good. Hope she stays that way.

"All of you, transform quickly! Just listen to your heart and the words will come to you," she yelled out while running to her partner's still form.

Miyuki: Oh, sure, help your Sue partner in front of everyone. And of course, her partner in crime had to help the canons in secret.
Kaoru: Mary Sues are certainly humble, aren't they...?

"Look out!" Jupiter yelled out. Galactica saw the attack heading towards Star and quickly dove in front of her, protecting her from any more harm. The blast of fire hit Galactica and she screamed in pain.

Benimaru: *playing poker with Cassy* So... are you discarding or not? You have a bit of a stone face there.
Cassy: Yeah, yeah, I am. Quit your worryin', dude. *tosses two cards into the discard pile*
Benimaru: Just saying.

When the fire was gone, Galactica was slumped over Star's body, covered in burns.

Kaoru: *stunned* What the...?
Cassy, Benimaru: *continues playing poker*
Miyuki: *scoffs*
Kaoru: So... whenever a character is in pain, you all simply ignore it?
Cassy: Take it from a riffing vet, Kaoru. We just don't care if Sues or Stus get hurt.

"Come on, everyone!" Sailor Moon yelled. "We've got to protect those two and defeat the youma!" Everyone nodded quickly and raised their transformation brooch or pens into the air.

"Universal Moon Power!"

Miyuki: *replaces the Earth in the Universal logo with the moon* Huh. What do you think?
Cassy: Nah, it won't do, dude.
Miyuki: *shrugs* Well, I tried.

"Mercury Eternal Power!"

"Mars Eternal Power!"

"Jupiter Eternal Power!"

"Venus Eternal Power!"

"Saturn Eternal Power!"

"Uranus Eternal Power!"

"Neptune Eternal Power!"

"Pluto Eternal Power!"

Benimaru: Question.
Kaoru: Yes?
Benimaru: How did the other Senshi get their eternal forms?
Kaoru: Only Sailor Moon reached "Eternal" in the anime, but in the manga, the others got their "Eternal" forms from Sailor Moon herself. She used the Eternal Tiare and the Silver Crystal to do that.
Benimaru: Well, then. *sighs* This is just going to get worse, isn't it?
Kaoru: Yes, I believe so. And that cements our twentieth sign. Not only are the canon characters weaker than the Sues, they need the Sues to power them up because of that.

In a flash of rainbow lights, there stood the Eternal Sailor Scouts with Universal Sailor Moon in front of them. The inners and outers stood in what Eternal Sailor Moon used to wear, but in their own planet colors. Instead of tiaras, they all had their planet symbols glowing on their foreheads and their white wings had a hint of their respective colors in them.

Cassy: *looking at the actual designs from the manga* Oh, the Suethor couldn't be more off with the Eternal Senshi. Aside from Sailor Moon, they never had wings.

Sailor Moon's fuku was pretty much white with gray. She still had her crescent moon but the red orb-like jewels weren't in her buns anymore.

Miyuki: The jewels weren't stuck in her butt? Is that what it said?
Kaoru: *stunned* No, Miyuki... no.

Everything else was pretty much the same. Her pure white wings stayed too.

Benimaru: Um... shouldn't Sailor Moon have some color in her wings, too? I thought that she was supposed to look more "elaborate" than the others.
Miyuki: That's logic. Quit using that.

Uranus smirked. "Why don't we test our new powers out?" she said, pulling out her Space Sword from the sub-space pocket. "Uranus...Space Tornado!" she yelled, slashing the sword through the air quickly. The air that separated from the sword slash formed into a tornado that collided with the youma, throwing it around inside it.

"I'm with you, Uranus," Mars said, raising one finger into the air. A circle of fire started to form around it. "Mars...Inferno Ring!" she yelled, grabbing the ring of fire and throwing it at the youma. The fire grew to fit around the youma, then it trapped it. When the ring touched the youma's flesh, it burst into a flaming tornado with the youma trapped inside. After the fire was gone, the youma was covered all over with burns and dazed.

Cassy: *looks around* What, no author's note? I'm shocked.
Miyuki: Man, these attack names are pretty dumb.
Kaoru: Well, it was based off of the dubbed anime. It's going to sound a lot worse in a minute.

"Mercury...Swirling Icicles Blast!" Mercury yelled, a blue ball of energy appearing in between her hands.

"Neptune...Aqua Streamers!" Neptune shouted out, holding her mirror up.

Cassy, Benimaru, Miyuki: *flatly* What.
Kaoru: I warned you.

Streamers of water shot out from the face of her mirror talisman, while many icicles shot out of the blue energy ball in Mercury's hands. The attacks combined together, with the icicles swirling around every one of the water streamers. All of these streamers hit the youma at once. Once all of the water and ice were gone, the youma had cuts from the icicles and was thoroughly soaked all over.

"It's my turn!" Jupiter cried out. "Jupiter...Thunderstorm Strike!" The Jupiter symbol glowed before it shot a green beam of light to the sky above them. Thunderclouds formed quickly with two lightning bolts striking the youma. The thunderclouds disappeared as quickly as they came. The youma was electrocuted, with the water making it even more painful.

Benimaru: Well, there's no kill like overkill, huh?

"Venus...Love Chain Wrap!" Venus shouted while flying into the air. When she was mid-air, she flapped her wings, blowing a small gust of orange tinted wind in the direction of the youma's feet. Heart-linked orange chains seem to come out of the ground and wrapped itself around the youma's feet, preventing it from moving away from the spot.

Cassy: Okay, seriously? Dude, Sailor Moon didn't fly in her Eternal form! What gives?
Miyuki: *shrugs* Let's be honest here... we have all stopped caring.
Cassy: Yeah.

Sailor Moon put out a hand and a staff about the same height as her appeared in it. She aimed it at the trapped youma and called out, "Universal...Moon...Planet...ANNIHALATE!"

Miyuki: Yeah, that spelling was annihilated.
Cassy: *plays a rimshot*
Myuki: Yeah, thanks.
Benimaru: Okay. "Universal Moon Planet"? The heck is that? The moon isn't a planet!
Kaoru: Well... just read the attack's description.

A beam of light with what seemed to be some of the elements the other scouts represented mixed into it shot out of the top of her staff and hit the youma dead on.

Benimaru: Well, I guess it makes sense... I guess.

It screamed out as it was obliterated and left behind ashes or dust, whatever it was.

Cassy: Narrator, you're as funny as a poop joke. Shut up and say that it's dust.

"YEAH!!!" everyone shouted. "We did it!"

Miyuki: *as the Senshi* Time to kiss the Sue's perfect asses again!

"You guys are so mean, you didn't give Pluto or me a chance to try," Saturn pouted, still holding onto her glaive.

"Oh, sorry, Hota. Next time, you'll get a chance, alright?" Neptune said. Saturn nodded happily.

Benimaru: We don't need a "next time". Just tell Saturn that she can fry the ashes.
Kaoru: Well, that is literal overkill...

Suddenly, they heard an evil laugh behind them and turned around to see...

Miyuki: A better fanfic?
Benimaru: The end of this fanfic?
Cassy: The Sues' perfect and sparkly heads on a pike?
Kaoru: It's Prince Diamond. I don't know why this author expects us to forget things.

Another cliffhanger.

Benimaru: *facepalms* Are you freaking kidding me?
Cassy: *points at the screen* Ha! Look, even the Suethor's bored of putting cliffhangers in her own work!

Sorry, but I got tired of trying to think up what to write next and typing it all down.

Kaoru: This has to be... I can't say it.
Miyuki: Extremely fucking lazy?
Kaoru: I wouldn't phrase it like that myself, but yes.

Don't worry, I'll try to update the next chapter during the next 2 or 3 days. In the meantime, review this story or chapter!

Cosmos270

Miyuki: Okay, here's my review... did we need some Sues to power up the Senshi that have saved the world multiple times over?
Cassy: Yes. Because they suck without the support of Mary Sues.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or anything.

... - Anna's telepathic bond

/.../ - Sakura's telepathic bond

'...' - thoughts

Italics - dreaming

Recap:

"You guys are so mean, you didn't give Pluto or me a chance to try," Saturn pouted, still holding onto her glaive.

"Oh, sorry, Hota. Next time, you'll get a chance, alright?" Neptune said. Saturn nodded happily. Suddenly they heard an evil laugh behind them and turned around to see...

Kaoru: This is tedious.
Cassy: This whole stupid fic is tedious.

CHAPTER FIVE

"Diamond?!!" the inners, Pluto, and Sailor Moon shouted. Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune realized that this was Prince Diamond of the Negamoon.

Kaoru: *sighs as she pours herself another cup of tea* I was incredibly suprised. *turns to Cassy, Benimaru, and Miyuki* Weren't you?
Cassy, Benimaru, Miyuki: Eh, whatever... *grumbles*

Sailor Mars could sense the evil vibes he was radiating.

Miyuki: Because people from the Black Moon Clan from the planet Nemesis certainly didn't radiate evil vibes!
Kaoru: Well... they were misled by a murderous being...

"What are you doing back?" she yelled out angrily.

Benimaru: I'm surprised that Mars remembered. Sue fics often turn everyone's brains into applesauce.

Diamond didn't seem to take notice of her words though. He noticed Sailors Star and Galactica lying still on the ground. He started to float down from his perch on a lamppost towards the two sailors, but unfortunately (for him, that is), he got interrupted.

Cassy: Do we have a sign for hand holding yet? *glares at the author's note* Because I clearly lost count!
Kaoru: We do now. *sighs* Twenty-first sign... the author won't stop holding our hands.
Miyuki: removes her dunce cap* You're telling me.

"Saturn...Glaive...Ribbon...Snake!" she yelled out in anger. From the blades of her Silence Glaive, dark purple ribbons came snaking out. The ribbons combined to take on a snake-like form and then it hit Diamond. The force of the attack pushed him out of the air and he hit the ground. He jumped back up, slightly injured from the attack Saturn gave him.

Cassy: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it'd hurt him, considering that he hit the damn ground and all...

He glared at them all. "I'll be back," he said angrily, disappearing into thin air. When he was gone, everyone went to the still forms of Sailors Star and Galactica.

Cassy, Miyuki: *confused*
Benimaru: Wait, what? That's it? That's all that you're going to do? *facepalms* Oh, this is confusing!
Kaoru: *in a bored tone* Thrilling.

"What are we going to do?" Venus asked nervously.

Cassy: Let 'em die. Screw 'em.

"First of all, we have to heal them, they're hurt," Sailor Moon said firmly, grabbing her brooch. When she was about to raise it into the air, Mercury gasped.

"Look!" she told everyone.

It was then that they noticed that Sailor Star was starting to glow silver, healing the claw marked injuries on the front of her body.

All: ...
Kaoru: *removes her tea set from the table*
Miyuki: *slams her head on the table*
Kaoru: *places her tea set back on the table*
Benimaru: *facepalms* I hate this fic.
Cassy: *struggles to remove her clawed hand from her face* I don't wanna read another word of this crap! I don't wanna!
Benimaru: You forgot that you can switch with someone, right?
Cassy: Can I do it now?
Benimaru: If you want, but... we don't have that much left.
Cassy: *sighs* Fine. I'll stay.

The glow started to cover Sailor Galactica's body too. Although they were glowing, the scouts couldn't find the source of it.

Miyuki: *muffled* Thought about looking into their asses? Because that's where they pulled out that bullshit!

After all of Sailor Galactica's burns were healed, the glowing dimmed, then went out.

Benimaru: *removes his dunce cap* No, really? I couldn't tell.

"Okay, now that they're healed, though we don't know how,

Miyuki: *screams into a pillow* What the hell?! You idiots! You! Idiots! *continues screaming*

what do we do?" Mars asked everyone. They all thought for awhile.

Cassy: How about you ask them how they magically healed themselves when they wake up?
Kaoru: That's logic...

"Why don't we take them back to our mansion?" Pluto suggested, indicating the place where all four of the outers lived together.

Benimaru: So they can murder and usurp you all once they revive? *sarcastically* Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Kaoru: *holds up a picture of a hospital* Looks like this place doesn't exist in this fic, either.
Miyuki: Look. The anime viewers already know that they lived together in the Stars arc. Stop holding their hands. Criminy, what is it with Suethors doing this stuff?
Cassy: I guess we're too stupid to remember the canon.

"You all need to go to school, but I can stay at home and watch over them." (Trista's a fashion designer.)

Cassy: *irritated* Shut up, Suethor! Stop holding my freakin' hand!
Kaoru: *sips her tea* Well, it looks like Trista did follow her dream. The author did pay a bit of attention to those bios.

"Sure," Mercury said. She received odd looks from the rest of the inners. "It is the most reasonable choice.

Miyuki: *tugs at her hair* No, it isn't!

We can't leave them alone during school and how will we explain them to our parents?" she explained. "Anyway, we should de-transform and go home to sleep. It is a school night after all."

Benimaru: Oh, it was night? Well, I take that back.
Cassy: I lost all sense of time in this fic, anyway. Why do you take that back?
Benimaru: Uh... the hospitals in Japan aren't 24-hour places.
Cassy: Seriously?!
Benimaru: Yeah. My best guess here is that the Suethor accidentally made sense.

Everyone de-transformed, except for the outers, and said goodbye. Soon enough, only the outer sailors of the solar system and the two barely-healed scouts were left in the park.

All: *removes their dunce caps*

"We should get going, too," Neptune said.

"Right," Pluto agreed. "Uranus and Neptune, you'll carry the two while I make a portal back to the mansion." Uranus picked Sailor Star up gently, while Neptune did the same to Galactica. When Pluto saw that they were ready, Pluto waved her Time Staff a bit and a portal appeared in front of them. Uranus and Neptune walked through first with Saturn and Pluto bringing up the rear. They appeared back home in the living room.

Miyuki: If I could make portals like that, I'd never be late to school again.
Cassy: Same here, dude.

"We should bring them up to the spare room," Neptune said, starting for the stairs. "The bed is big enough for the both of them to rest on."

Benimaru: *looks around* Oh, right. We don't have Manic or LeMaire around to make that sort of joke.
Cassy: Though... I think that Axl's read that hentai before.
Benimaru: Is there any "Sailor Moon" hentai that Axl hasn't read?
Cassy: I don't know, actually.

The other three followed her upstairs into the spare bedroom. The room had a lot of space and was a bright yellow color outlined in light green. It had a king-sized bed (is that big enough?)

Miyuki: *annoyed* Yes! Now shut the hell up!

with a table by it. It also had a large window that overlooks the garden in the backyard.

Kaoru: I'm not sure if I should add a sign for descriptions that we don't truly need. I'm on the fence here.
Cassy: I'd add it out of spite.
Kaoru: Well, I'm not spiteful. I'll think about this one.

They set Sailor Star and Sailor Galactica on either side of the bed and covered them with a light blanket so they wouldn't catch a cold. Then they left the room quietly so they wouldn't disturb their rest.

When they were back in the living room, they all de-transformed and dropped down on the couches simultaneously. "So," Amara started, "where should we be starting?"

Benimaru: How about...
Miyuki: Hell?
Benimaru: Hell's not the place I'm thinking about. More like some sort of perfect and sparkly princess land for Mary Sues.
Miyuki: Exactly! Hell!

"Well, I'll assume that we all had a visit from Princess Selenity in our dreams earlier, since we recognized Sailor Star as the princess," Trista said, receiving nods from the others.

Cassy: Well, glad that we got that information out of nowhere, since we only got Trista's dream!

"Who do you suppose the other one is though?" Michelle questioned. All she got were shrugs.

Kaoru: *sips her tea* Well, her Senshi name is Sailor Galactica, so... I'd say that she's related to Sailor Galaxia in some manner or form.
Miyuki: Yeah, because what Sailor Galaxia truly needed was a Sue sibling!
Cassy: If that's the case, I'm surprised that she didn't get her Star Seed snatched out of her.
Benimaru: It's a Sue fic. Logic doesn't apply, you know...

"What about us talking in each other's minds earlier?" Hotaru asked, yawning a bit.

"Why don't we sleep on this for now," Trista suggested. "You three have school tomorrow and you need your rest."

Miyuki: Yeah, that's not important. Go to bed so we can focus on the sleeping Sues.
Benimaru: *confused* That doesn't work that way...
Cassy: Yes, it does, dude. Ask Kathryn. She hogged the spotlight so much that she even nabbed it while she was knocked out.
Benimaru: I would ask her, but Sonia shot her in the head.
Cassy: Oh. I forgot that she did that.

"All right, Trista," Michelle and Amara said, going up to bed.

"Good night, Trista-mama, Michelle-mama, Amara-papa," Hotaru said, following them.

Kaoru: There's another plus.
Benimaru: So what does that bring the score of this fic to?
Kaoru: Negative nineteen.
Benimaru: Jesus.

"Good night," Trista called out to them. She sat by herself on the couch for a few minutes, then left to follow them up to bed.

The Following Morning

Hotaru's POV

When I woke up, it was only about 5 a.m. I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't so I just got out of bed. I got dressed in my uniform after brushing my teeth, washing my face, and brushing my hair.

Miyuki: And then she promptly passed out on the bathroom floor.

I go to the same school as the other inners, just a year younger. It's nice to know that I won't start magically aging anymore.

Kaoru: Tell that to Bella Swan.
Cassy: Nah, her brain regressed. Wait, no, I'm thinking about Ana Steele...

When I went downstairs, I saw that Amara, Michelle, and Trista were already awake. As I sat down at the table, Michelle brought me a plate of pancakes with a glass of orange juice. "Good morning, everyone. And thank you, Michelle-mama," I said.

"You're welcome, Hota," Michelle said.

Miyuki: A scene that didn't have the Sues in it?! Color me surprised!

Normal POV

"Well," Amara said after taking a sip of orange juice, "what do we do about the two scouts upstairs?"

Cassy: Kill them with fire.
Kaoru: None of us have fire powers. And even if I had them, I wouldn't kill them.
Cassy: Kyo would.
Kaoru: That's why you should ask him.

A new voice entered the conversation. "What will you do about them?"

Miyuki: Great. Now the Sues are muscling in on the conversation?
Benimaru: Yeah, we did go a whole scene without them. And to them, that's one scene too many.

Sorry, this chapter is shorter than the others. A friend of mine wanted me to update this today, so I did. Oh well.

Benimaru: *facepalms* Seriously...?

Anyways, review for my story!!!

Cosmos270

Miyuki: It's still ridiculous. That's my review.

--

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