Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 7: Rainbow Eclipse (Part One)

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Note: This fic uses the names from the original English dub (except for the Outer Senshi for some reason) and has a few parts from the manga. Ironically, this fic also uses the term "Senshi" and "Scout" at random intervals.

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Axl: Oh, heaven help us all.

Not the first one I posted
(what do you think I am, NUTS?!?!?! Don't answer that...)

Akiko: Uh... yes? No? Maybe?
Emi: We haven't started yet.
Akiko: Ah, so it's a "maybe".

I will claim this as my baby, my firstborn. This is a drama revolving around a character I created, named, dressed and fed. And boy is she ungrateful...

Miyu: So... we're dealing with a bratty Mary Sue, then?
Akiko: Maybe.
Miyu: Let's be careful here. We may beat the "maybe" joke into the ground.
Axl: Either that or it'll turn into a "yes".

MAJOR thanks to Mary Ann and Corie for encouraging my to write this and actually *post* it! Kudos to me, I know.

Axl: Now I know who to come after if this fic is pure crap.
Miyu: And this author sounds incredibly sure of herself.
Axl: Or full of herself.

Destiny and Sailor Eclipse are ALL mine. I have taken *major* creative license by inserting these two into my storyline.

Emi: No, you haven't. Stop that. Destiny, Sailor Eclipse, and your fic are all yours, but the storyline to "Sailor Moon" isn't.
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Fifty... Shades.
Emi: *moans*

I would also like to say that as I have not had the privilege to read EVERY fan-fic on the net (but I've read a lot, I swear!) that any resemblance Destiny or Sailor Eclipse may bear to any other writer's character is purely accidental and is in no way plagiarism. Everyone cool with that? Great. (I merely seek to prevent any flaming emails sent my way by irrate authors...no missles either! Not to mention that there have been a whole lot of cases of plagerism lately...)

Miyu: And that's until the character is like every other character ever.

Oooo, goody! Let's play timeline!

Akiko: I don't want to, because you'll screw it up!

This is set after Sailor Stars, before the crowning of our favorite monarchs, Neo-Queen Serenity and King Endymion.

Miyu: Question! Anime or manga storyline?
Axl: Like it matters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the other characters we know and love. Big surprise, ne?

Emi: No. And thank goodness.

... indicates thought

Axl: No, don't use italics. That's too much!
Emi: Well, Mr. James, when you consider the Notepad like formatting that we had to correct... there won't be any italics, obviously.

Rainbow Eclipse
by Lyra Matsuoka
Rated PG13 (mild language and violence)

Chapter 1
When Destiny Calls

Akiko: ...I run from it!
Emi: Master Kyo would just say... "screw destiny".
Miyu: That chapter title? Minus three million points for... uh, creativity.
Axl: What creativity?

A lone figure stands on a sidewalk in downtown Tokyo. She appears to be looking toward the horizon; her eyes focused on everything and nothing.

All: *flatly* What.
Axl: Okay, I'm already lost here. I'm scared to look at this and the remaining chapters.

Behind her is the silhouette of a half-built palace, and people move around her, not daring to disturb her thoughts.

Miyu: Because she'll probably beat them up for daring to disturb her perfection.

A passing car creates an artificial breeze that blows long black hair away from her face, revealing porcelain skin and an aquiline nose.

Emi: *throws her hands up in annoyance*
Akiko: *holds up a stop sign* Stop, stop, stop!

Full lips part briefly and reseal themselves as their owner continues to think. Tight black leggings under a form fitting violet jumper draw attention to this strangers astounding physical beauty. Whistles from cars and admiring glances from men and boys alike are directed toward her, but those who catch her indigo gaze turn quickly away.

Emi: *flatly* Yeah, nothing says "empowering" like being objectified by men and boys.
Miyu: This fic didn't age well...
Axl: *puts a pillow over his face, screams*
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* I will now attempt to emulate Kyo and not give any impressions of caring for the remainder of this fic.
Akiko: Which one?
Miyu: Both of them.

Within her unfocused eyes is a wisdom that surpasses all things known to man. Infinity is reflected there and eternity is seen in her regal bearing.

Akiko: *blankly stares at the screen* ...shut up, fic.

The rude honking of a horn draws her out of her reverie, and she turns slowly to continue down the street.

Miyu: And then my boyfriend ran her over. The End.

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Meanwhile, in another part of the city, a happy couple strolls arm in arm. A beautiful young woman, blond hair in pigtails and odangos and a slender young man with dark hair and endless blue eyes walk in companionable silence through a beautiful park.

Axl: *tosses the pillow and a dunce cap aside* It's Usagi and Mamoru. *looks at his notes* Oops, dub names... Serena and Darien. Anyway! We know who they are!
Akiko: "Endless blue eyes"? What, so he has millions of eyes all over his body?
Axl: Ew.

Pausing for a moment, the two share a loving kiss under the full moon. A park bench provides a comfortable place to sit and talk while waiting for the hour to strike. When it does, they rise and head across the street, toward what appears to be a favorite restaurant. As the sliding doors part to allow them admittance, a dark head snaps up. Indigo eyes follow this couple as they walk toward a corner booth. As the couple begins to look over the menu, a cold light appears in the indigo eyes and a graceful hand reaches for a teacup.

Miyu: Is she... stalking them?
Emi: Yes, Miss Prower. Stalking's okay because she's the Sue.
Axl: Okay, we got it, fic! She's graceful! She's beautiful! Her eyes are indigo! And she's bugging the mess outta me!

So, there they are. Pretty Solider of Love and Justice Sailor Moon and her protector and true love Endymion. My, my. I had thought they would be...older, perhaps. More formidable, certainly, though I feel power emanating from them both. It would not do to underestimate them. I must not fail again.

Axl: Why are we in the first person perspective for no reason?
Akiko: Those're supposed to be thoughts. And I don't like her thoughts. They sound weird.
Emi: And where's the punctuation for the thoughts? You said that there would be ellipses, Suethor!
Miyu: Too much effort.

As the stranger gazes out the window, her eyes become unfocused and her stare is blank. Lost in memory, she sips her tea, more out of habit than thirst. Unbeknownst to her, an aura of sadness surrounds her, and one patron of the restaurant feels it strongly.

"Darien, look at that girl," Serena said, her eyes fixated on a lithe form sitting alone in a corner booth. "Do you feel it? The sadness, it's almost like despair."

Akiko: Oh, here we go. Here we go with the "tragic past" garbage!
Emi: We don't know if there's a tragic past.
Akiko: Oh, you know there will be one!
Axl: And of course their first words in this whole fic are about the damn Sue. Stupid spotlight hog.

"Yeah, I feel it. She must not want to talk about it, though. She's all alone," Darien replied, glancing at the girl.

Miyu: *bored, gestures to her riffmates* Oh, look. We care. We care a lot.

In the instant that he looked at her, Darien felt a shock of recognition shudder through his body. He had a brief picture of a flowing cape in every color of the rainbow and the most beautiful eyes. Not quite blue, but not violet either. More a perpetually shifting combination of the two. Almost like indigo...

Miyu: *sighs in frustration* Indigo, indigo, indigo...
Emi: *rubs her forehead* We got it, Suethor! We don't need to be told how beautiful your Sue is every five seconds!
Akiko: Yeah, and when I think of an eclipse, I think of the rainbow!
Axl: Great. Now the Suethor can't tell color? What the hell?

The moment that thought came to its climax, the girl stood, leaving money on the table to cover the check. She donned a black leather jacket and headed out the door.

Axl: *slams a different pillow over his face* Take note that the jacket is important because leather is teh edgy.

At the same second, Darien and Serena both noticed a small leather pouch lying on the seat of the booth where the girl had been sitting. Serena stood, ran across the tile floor, grabbed the little bag and rushed after the her.

Akiko: So she turned into a purse? I knew it! She didn't act like a human at all!

"Serena..." Darien groaned, amazed as always by how fast she could move. With a sigh, and a signal to the waiter that they would be back, Darien gave chase.

"Wait! Stop! Oh, miss, please wait!" Serena called. "You forgot your bag!"

Miyu: She probably left it behind for convenience's sake.

Darien continued chasing after his love, gaining on her with every step he took.

The girl stopped and slowly turned. Darien stopped in his tracks, mere steps behind Serena. Her eyes he thought Just like the eyes in my vision. Indigo.

Emi: *sighs*
Axl: *as he removes the pillow from his face* I'm going to slap myself in a moment.

"Were you calling to me?" the girl questioned in a voice that sounded like delicate wind chimes.

All: *annoyed* Stop that, Suethor!

"I was sure that I left the café with all my possessions."

Akiko: This acting is more wooden than a tree.

"No, you dropped this little pouch," Serena said, with a wide and friendly smile.

Emi: *removes the comma after "said"*

"Oh, my. I would have hated to lose this. Thank you very much for returning it," the girl returned Serena's smile politely, seemingly careful not to become too familiar. She wasn't cold, but she held herself at a distance.

Miyu: Yes, and I'm Peyton Manning.
Axl: Hey, congrats on breaking those records!
Miyu: *yanks the pillow away from Axl*
Axl: *grins at Miyu*

Darien gazed at her, puzzled and wary, and took the few steps that brought him to Serena's side. Cautious for a reason he was unable to explain, Darien felt his body prepare for battle.

"I'm Serena, and this is my boyfriend Darien," Serena bubbled, reaching back for his hand, completely oblivious to the tension in the air. Darien surrendered it without struggle and laced his fingers with hers. The girl stared at their intertwining fingers and gave a little half-smile.

"Pleased to meet you both," she said. "I'm

Axl: *as Destiny* ...bugging the crap out of these riffers here with my Sueness.

Destiny."

Akiko: What a meaningful name! *hits Miyu, Emi, and Axl with a toy sledgehammer* Remember how meaningful it is! Remember this for later!
Emi: *takes the sledgehammer away from Akiko* Yes, yes, Akiko. We unfortunately know. Besides, the main characters always had meaningful names, so I can't hold it against the Sue or the Suethor.

Darien met Destiny's eyes and was taken aback by the icy hatred he saw there. But he was sure he had been mistaken when he blinked, because the only expression in Destiny's eyes was pleasant and friendly.

Miyu: Yes, that's because you're in public. Just wait until you're alone.

Still a bit cool, and definitly withdrawn, but they were strangers, after all. He was a surprised when Destiny raised her arm and extended her open hand to him. Feeling uneasy, Darien raised his free hand and extended it toward Destiny When their hands met, Darien was assailed by another image, this one of the figure in the rainbow cape carrying a woman in a long white dress across a barren landscape. Destiny withdrew her hand and the vision ended abruptly.

Akiko: Oh, great. Now she's a part of his past? What is it with Sues doing that?
Axl: And what is it with Sues abusing rainbows like they're unique?
Akiko: *tries not to laugh* Sues? Unique?

"Thank you again for returning this to me," Destiny said, gesturing with the hand that held the pouch. "It was a gift from a dear friend and I couldn't have replaced it."

Emi: Yes. A "friend".

"We were glad to help," Serena chirped, her perpetual smile never fading.

"Well, have a pleasant evening," Destiny smiled again, tucked the pouch into her jacket pocket, turned, and began walking down the street once more. Darien realized that he had been watching Destiny intently, and smiled sheepishly when Serena pulled on his arm and looked at him quizzically. Arm in arm, Serena and Darien returned to the restaurant and put Destiny out of their minds.

Axl: We'll feel a lot better if you put her outta this fic.

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The rest of the night was spent in pleasant conversation and companionable silence. Both Darien and Serena cherished their time together and their love for each other was visible to all. But throughout the evening, Darien's mind kept drifting back to the stranger with indigo eyes.

Akiko: *groans* That stupid word again...

If he hadn't known better, Darien would have sworn that he knew the girl.

Axl: Of frickin' course. Nobody should forget the scene stealer!

But as he scanned his memory banks for her face, he drew a blank.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* My mind went blank long ago.

When no more visions presented themselves, and his mind was unable to place her, Darien found it easier to put Destiny out of mind.

Axl: Good. Can we quit talking about her now?
Emi: No can do, Mr. James.

The lovers were sorry to see the night end as Darien dropped Serena off at her house. The two shared a goodnight-kiss in the sporty red vehicle, unaware that they were being watched. From the shadows, a woman dressed in a sailor uniform gazed at the sweethearts. She watched dispassionately as Serena emerged from the car and ran up the walk to her front door. Arms folded, the woman waited until Darien revved his engine and roared up the street before detaching herself from the cover of darkness and following.

Akiko: Great. Just... great. It's a stalker Sue!

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Darien was preoccupied as he walked the last few steps to his apartment door. The evening had been wonderful, but the encounter with Destiny and his visions had left him disconcerted. The fact that she still haunted his mind bothered him to no end.

Axl: *annoyed* Do we still have to talk about her? Really?
Emi: Well, it is about the Sue.
Axl: *groans*

She seemed nice enough, Darien thought But those visions can't be just a coincidence, can they?

Akiko: No. She's a stalker, she's connected to you, she's apparently beautiful, and... does anyone seriously care about this?
Miyu, Emi, Axl: *indifferent*
Akiko: Aside from you all. I know you all don't care.
Miyu: I know that you also don't care, Akiko.
Akiko: Well, that's true, too. Heh.

Thoughts similar to this one were still racing through his mind when Darien put the key in the lock and stepped inside his apartment. A fresh breeze caressed his face as he shut the door and removed his shoes.

Breeze? I didn't leave a window open. Curious, and more than a little wary, Darien moved toward the front room. Sure enough, the curtains were billowing out in front of the window. Shocked, Darien reached for the light, and for a few of his razor tipped roses, just in case. Years of battling youma had taught him the value of extreme caution.

Emi: And... she broke into his apartment. Some hero she is.
Miyu: *reads her riffing notes* And not just Youma... the Suethor forgot Droids, Daimons, and Lemures. I'd add Phages, but... *chuckles nervously* ...he wasn't present for those.

"Who's there? What's going on?" Darien called. His hand found the switch and the room was suddenly flooded with a golden glow.

Axl: I guess that "He turned the lights on" was too damn hard to type!
Miyu: And it should be a white light, not... you know, the sun.

Instantly alert, Darien hid the hand with the roses, unwilling to give his identity away to a common burglar. But what the warm lamplight showed him was far more that a simple thief.

A woman stood in his open window. Her long black hair flowed down her back, and over her shoulder, causing a black cloud that covered the upper part of her rainbow cape. Rainbow cape?

Akiko: Did the CD skip? *as the narrator* Rainbow cape! Rainbow cape! Rainbow cape!

"It's you! You're the one from my vision!" Darien stated under his breath. Wary, he brought the roses from behind him and braced his arm to throw.

"Handsome and smart. I bet you graduated top of your class, didn't you?" the woman replied sarcastically.

Axl: *annoyed* I'm about to go Sub-Zero on your ass in two seconds, Mary Sue.

"Incidentally, you shouldn't leave your window open. You never know who might come in and make themselves at home. And I'd have thought that fighting youmas and various other monsters from the dregs of the universe would have taught you to be more careful."

"I didn't leave the window open," Darien replied, in shock.

"You're right. You didn't. So I had to compensate. I hope you have insurance."

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* To quote both Kyos properly... "What an ass."

The woman stepped off the balcony and into the room. Darien heard the crunching sound of broken glass under her feet. He grimaced, and was rewarded with a trilling little laugh.

Emi: *punches Destiny* Oops. My fist that was on fire slipped.
Akiko: Huh. And I thought that I had some control issues...

Unconsciously, Darien began sizing her up.

Akiko: Of course he did. The Sue's hot body mesmerized him, and... whatever.

The woman's sailor suit was identical to those of the Scouts, but her skirt and bow matched her cape. All three were beautiful, shimmering masses of color that shifted and rippled with the slightest movement from their wearer.

Axl: I do not want to hear this stupid shit. *puts on a pair of giant headphones*
Miyu: Axl? Axl!
Axl: *puts up a "Do Not Disturb" sign*
Miyu: *sighs in frustration* I'd use my powers, but that would be a bit much.

In the center of the bow and at the apex of her tiara were star shaped stones that shone with different colors under a filmy white surface.

Emi: We got it. It's rainbow. You do not need to tell us that every single time!
Akiko: "Filmy white surface"? Hey, the Sue needs a cleaning crew here!

Darien was reminded of opals when he looked at them, and found himself faintly hypnotized by the swirling colors.

Emi: Congratulations! You've hit the LSD jackpot!

With effort, he shook off the lethargic feeling and continued his examination of the strange solider.

Miyu: Please don't. I'm already bored here.

There was another star shaped stone at the point where the body of the suit met the skirt in a V. The body of the suit was white.

Akiko: *sarcastically* No, I could've sworn that it was green. *normal voice* Then again, the Sailor Starlights' clothes were black, so... yeah.

Her shoes were a revelation.

Akiko: *stunned, brushes her hair away from her right eye* You all need to see both of my eyes for this reaction.
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* To take a page from Axl's book... you misspelled "garbage", Suethor.
Emi: *snickers*
Axl: *now asleep*

They appeared to be sandals, almost Romanesque. The soles were flat and thick, and they were held to her feet by rainbow colored ribbon of the same material as her skirt and cape. The ribbons crossed over the top of her feet, wrapped around the back of her heel and were then laced all the way up to her knees in a crisscross fashion, like a ballerina's toeshoes, but on a much grander scale. They didn't look terribly practical, but then, high heels weren't either. Darien was willing to bet that the same force which allowed Raye and Michiru to fight in high heels kept dirt, rocks and other debris clear of this senshi's sandaled feet.

Emi: *sighs, begins scribbling in a notebook*
Miyu: Did we need a paragraph on this Sue's shoes? They're just shoes!
Akiko: *knocks Axl's sign away and uses her electric powers to short out his headphones*
Axl: *jerks awake, throws the headphones off* What the heck?!
Akiko: You're not going to let us suffer through this junk alone.

Darien noticed that she carried a scepter like Sailor Pluto, only hers had no protrusions and bore no resemblance to a key.

Miyu: *rubs her forehead* Does this mean that it'll be better than Pluto's?

At the top was another star shaped stone surrounded by a floating heart. The stone shifted colors, just like the jewels on the tiara and bow. The rainbow cape was magnificent.

Axl: Bite my furry tail, Suethor. Don't show me a turd and say that it's a million bucks.

It was lined with white silk, setting off the magnificent colors of the senshi's skirt and bow. At the moment the cape was lying flat across her shoulders, falling in graceful folds to her feet. Glancing up, he saw that the cape was held in place on each shoulder by three small star shaped stones arranged in a triangle.

Emi: *bored* Are we done yet?
Akiko: *also bored* No, Emi. We'll probably have to hear more about her shoes and how we lowly peasants must kiss them.
Emi: Oh, so it's Miss Kirishima in Mary Sue form?
Akiko: *shudders* I hope not.

"Do I pass inspection?" the woman questioned.

Axl: *creates an icicle with his powers* No, but I can pass this icicle down your throat and through your sphincter. Wanna try that?
Miyu: We had to read all of that garbage and that's the first thing she says?
Axl: Unfortunately, yes.

Darien nodded curtly. "What are you doing in my apartment?" he asked.

"Waiting for you of course. I should think that would be obvious."

"All right. So you broke into my apartment to wait for me. Makes perfect sense," Darien snapped. "Who in the hell are you? And what do you want?"

"Questions, questions. Why don't you relax, sit down?"

Miyu: "Relax"? Sue, you broke into his home! He cannot "relax"!

The senshi snapped her fingers and Darien watched as a pillow shot across the room. It hit him hard in the back of the knees, causing his legs to collapse. Darien felt himself falling and was amazed to find that he fell right on the pillow, which was lying calmly on the floor.

Emi: And she can control things with her mind. Wonderful.

Shocked, Darien glanced at the beautiful intruder, whose indigo eyes and full mouth were smirking at him.

Axl: Indigo. I'm going to drink now.
Akiko: Her eyes were smirking?! Holy crap, this Sue really is an abomination!

She leaned casually on her staff, arms wrapped around it.

Axl: That's seriously gotta be uncomfortable.

"That's better. Now we can really get to know each other. I'm sure we'll be the best of friends," she drawled sarcastically.

Miyu: You're not sarcastic. You're not charming. You're annoying.

"To answer your questions, I am a Sailor Senshi after a fashion, no, I am not here to help Sailor Moon, and yes I have an ulterior motive."

Akiko: Oh, she's so edgy, she's sharp!

"Sailor Moon? I don't know any Sailor Moon," Darien said, vaporizing the roses. This situation had all the earmarkings of trouble.

"Oh, really? How very, very interesting. Seems to me that you've been hanging around her for an awfully long time. Say...two years?"

Emi: Hey, Sue... why aren't you in jail? Oh, wait... anime universe. We'll let that one slide.

"Thank you for sparing me the need for a psychoanalysis. You *are* crazy."

All: Thank you!

"So I've been told. A word of advice. Be a little more discreet in your crime fighting activities. Anyone who was *really* interested wouldn't find it too hard to decipher the identities of the Sailor Senshi and the mysterious Tuxedo Mask."

Akiko: *as Sailor Eclipse* Because I'm a Mary Sue! I know all, peasant!
Emi: Well, let's be honest... they don't hide their identities too well in the eyes of a regular viewer. But for someone in-universe to figure everyone out? Yes, that screams "Mary Sue".

"So who are they?"

"Pardon?"

"Who are the Sailor Senshi?"

Miyu: Look, Darien... while it's smart for you to play dumb... you have to realize that the Sue knows everything. I'm sorry.

Darien watched the senshi carefully. Her face remained expressionless for some time.

Axl: And look at our faces. Our expressions are ranging from... *points at Emi and Akiko* boredom... *points at Miyu* frustration, and... *points to himself* outright pissed.

Darien watched her eyes carefully. He saw a flicker of doubt flash briefly. He resisted the urge to smile. Maybe this stupid ruse would work after all.

All: No, it won't.

The stranger frowned slightly, and rose, turning toward the gaping window and the balcony beyond.

"It seems I have the wrong person. Fare thee well, and goddess bless," she called over her shoulder. Darien watched her go from his place on the floor, resisting the urge to to run after her. Instead he simply studied the departing figure with clinical prescision.

Emi: We know. She's beautiful. *pulls out a Rubik's Cube* This cube has more depth than this fic.

"Oh, and incidentally..."

With those words, the stranger turned and lept at Darien, staff raised.

Axl: I think I've read that hentai before. There's lots of Sailor Moon hentai.

Without concious thought, Darien lept to his feet and spun around, hurling two roses at his adversary as he flew toward the broken window.

"Crystal Flame," whispered the senshi, and a jet of crackling white shot toward the roses. The two attacks met and crumbled, leaving a pile of ash and the sent of burning flowers as the only evidence they had ever existed. Darien came to his feet, glass dripping from his clothes. Three more roses appeared in his hand as he glared at the invader.

Akiko: Well, nothing harms the Sue! She knows when you're asleep... and she knows how to avoid being arrested.

"All right, so you know who I am. Fair is fair. What's your name? Or should I call you Sherlock?" Darien queried, his voice rife with contempt.

Axl: Her name is Assho--
Emi: Dante! I mean... Mr. James!

"Sarcasam now? My, but you are full of surprises. Sherlock has a certain ring to it, but as we *are* close friends, you may call me Sailor Eclipse," the senshi retorted, matching his tone.

Miyu: Sure, it's okay for a Sue to act like a jerk, but how dare a canon character try to use any logical retorts!

"Sailor Eclipse? I've never heard of a Sailor Eclipse."

Akiko: That's because she came from the pits of Hell. You know, that's where Mary Sues and Gary Stus reside.

"Wonderful. I have done all in my power to ensure that."

Axl: And now she has to power to wipe memories. Just when I couldn't hate her any more...

"Are you here to try to destroy Earth?"

"Of course not. Goddess, the way you people talk, you'd think that no one had anything better to do than try to take over your planet. You need to learn to trust," the woman chided, clicking her tounge at him.

Miyu: *makes a face* And now you're above everyone?
Akiko: You've got to be kidding me, man.
Emi: *rubs her forehead in frustration*
Axl: *angry* Mary Sue? Eat... a... dick.

"In my experience, people who break into my apartment in the dead of night are not usually the kind of beings that I would trust."

Emi: You know... like Zoicite.

"Point taken," the woman conceded.

"Why are you here?"

"To settle an old score. A very old score."

Miyu: If she's as old as the ancient Moon Kingdom, I'm packing my bags.
Axl: Get a replacement if you do.

"You aren't an enemy of Sailor Moon's then?"

"For the last time, no. I have no grudge against Sailor Moon or her little bodyguards. And do you always discuss the Sailor Senshi with tresspassers?"

Axl: I am going to choke her to death. And I'm going to beat her corpse with a table for good measure.

Darien fell silent. She was right, after all.

Akiko: *facepalms* Oh, no, fic. No.
Axl: *grumpy*
Miyu: *stamps "Epic Failure" on her paper*
Emi: We're only one chapter in, Miss Prower. Surely you can't consider that a failure so soon.
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* When you've been riffing as long as I have, you can tell if a fic's going to fail. And this one is going to fail... hard.

Not much to be done now. But he had a gut feeling about this stranger. Almost as though he knew her somehow...and the feeling wasn't fading.

Emi: Oh, for heaven's sake! She's from his past! We all know this, Suethor! Stop dragging it out!

As Tuxedo Mask, Darien had learned to trust his instincts, and this woman, whoever she was, meant buisness. Never one to beat about the bush, Darien came straight to the point.

"I'll ask you again. What in the *hell* do you want?"

"You, Endymion. Or rather, your bloody, broken body lying at my feet. I want you dead."

Axl: Because when I think about rainbows, I think about death!
Akiko: *as Sailor Eclipse* I want your whole family dead! And your dog? I want your dog dead, too!
Miyu: Uh... Darien's parents are dead in canon.
Akiko: Well. That joke's fully wrecked, huh?
Miyu: *slowly nods*

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So there it is! What do you all think? Mail me and lemme know!

All: *writing mail*
Axl: *reads out loud* "This fic sucks giant monkey balls." What do you think?
Miyu: Are you sure that you don't want to add constructive criticism?
Axl: No. I'm getting straight to the point, just like Darien did with the Sue.
Akiko: *tosses her letter aside* Well, Axl said it a lot better than I could!
Emi: We're not going to let you send that letter, Mr. James.
Axl: Aw, come on!

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