Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Three Riffers, Episode 8: The New Girl (KRZR24 version) (Part Five)

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Chapter 9

Thank you reviewers for doing your review thing. Especially Sonikka!! You get a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig chocolate chip cookie (or whatever your favorite food is)!! Anyways, also thanks to Emily.T.Hedgehog, Caos Gal55592, and Champion of Justice, for reviewing!! I really appreciate it. I haven't really given a description of my characters yet so here it is. I've been really bored lately, so I'm gonna update the chapters sooner. But, I'm gonna go 2 camp for a week, and so after the next chapter, don't expect to hear from me for a while. Sorry. I'll try to finish this story before mid-September. And don't forget to review and let me know whether or not you want a sequel or not. PLEASE!! I can't finish the story unless I know if there's going to be a sequel or not. The whole story depends on you the reviewers!! So don't forget!!

Amy: Now that? *points to the paragraph* That is rambling.

Sasha

Species: Hedgehog

Tails: Because every OC's a hedgehog.
Sonic: Or a fox.
Amy: *holds up pictures of Rory, Miyu, and Kyo L., laughs nervously* Oopsie.

Gender: Female

Weight: Unknown

Eye Color: Deep Blue

Color: Hot Pink (if you search hot pink on wikipedia, and look at the square, the middle color on the bottom row. yeah, that's the color)

Tails: Since that's not there... I'm assuming that it's "Deep Pink". Hex triplet #FF1493 and Red/Green/Blue variants of 255, 20, and 147, respectively.
Sonic, Amy: *confused* Huh?
Tails: *shows the color on his Miles Electric* This.
Sonic, Amy: Oh!

Favorite Activity: Shopping

Sonic: Sure it wasn't "being obnoxious", "doing illegal activities" or "causing people in a five mile radius to go homicidal"?

Outfit: Baby blue Abercrombie shirt (short sleeve or long sleeve depends on season), skort

Tails: I'm seriously wondering if this is a self-insert Sue now...

Age: 15

Favorite Quote: That's classified information. (that's the quote)

Amy: *flatly* Ooh. Witty.

Xavier

Species: Hedgehog

Gender: Male

Weight: Unknown

Eye Color: Dark brown

Color: Red and orange.

Favorite Activity: Making inventions

Outfit: Imagine Sonic's outfit

Age: 14

Tails: "Imagine Sonic's outfit"? But Sonic only wears gloves, socks, and shoes!
Amy: So... he's a recolor of Sonic?
Sonic: Original character, do not steal!

Joe

Species: Hedgehog

Gender: Male

Weight: Unknown

Eye color: Blue

Color: Gray with old age. Used to be dark blue mixed with purple.

Favorite Activity: Sleeping

Outfit: See Xavier, except loafers for shoes.

Age: 65

Tails: You know... it would make sense if those bios were in the beginning of the fic or in the profile. It doesn't make any sense to slap them in the middle of the story. It's just jarring.
Sonic: This whole fic is jarring!
Amy: And there's another recolor of Sonic!
Sonic: Original character, do not steal!

I'm done. On with the story!!

Shadow: WAIT!! WHY DID YOU PUT ME IN A TUTU EVEN THOUGH I STOPPED TALKING??

Me: Have you ever heard of artistic license??

Amy: An artist you are not.

Plus, it wouldn't have been as funny with anyone else in it.

Tails: It was never funny to begin with.

Sasha: And you lost our bet.

Me: What/which bet??

Sasha: Well, he bet that I would say classified information 4 times or more in the last chapter. And if he lost, he would wear a tutu. Thus, the tutu.

Shadow: But the chapter didn't end by the time I was in tutu.

Me: Good for you. It's not like it matters, you still lost.

Shadow: Good point.

Amy: What's with these stupid and random bets?
Sonic: Probably just there to torture Fake Me and Shadow for the Sue and the Suethor's amusement.

Sasha's POV

Amy: *groans*

I was back. In The Closet.

Sonic: Okay, R. Kelly.

For the second time today. I don't know why, or what I did wrong, but I was back.

Tails: We have a list. We have a giant list.

The second time wasn't as scary as the first. I found a couple more pictures. I found another video, and some kid named Tails was in a hospital bed, and turns out, it was the same day as the other pictures I found earlier. This Tails was in a cast, and his leg was hanging upwards, and he described how he got there. I'll never underestimate the power of her hammer.

Amy: Why the heck would "I" put Tails in the hospital?
Tails: It's probably your "Sonic Battle" self.
Amy: *shudders*

The good news is, I dared myself to touch one of the skulls, and when I picked one up, turned it around, I saw a label that said "Skull Stress Balls". I sighed in relief. Because it isn't really a good thing if your related to a serial killer. Not good at all.

Sonic: And you're off your rocker. Does it run in the family? Are you related to Kathryn? I want answers!
Amy: They can be related to each other, but I'm never acknowledging those two as "family".

I didn't stay as long as last time. This time it was only ten minutes. When I was deemed ready to come out, Amy gave me a huge hug, and told me sorry. She got really jealous because Sonic was giving me a lot of attention and thought that he liked me. I told her that even if he did, I would never do that to her. She should know that. I mean, I was with her through so many things, like when her mom died. And when her dad got married to some evil bitch.

Tails: *confused* Huh?
Sonic: Are we in a Disney film?

And when Amy came over to our house (we hadn't gotten the mansion yet) and begged my parents to stay with us, I was begging with her. And when her stepmom trackked her down, and tried to make her live with her so that she could "love her like a mother would" when she was actually going to make poor Amy a slave.

Amy: Did my "father" marry Ragyo Kiryuin?
Sonic: *laughs* We really are in a warped Disney film!

And I helped her run away to somewhere so that she wouldn't be found by that evil, evil woman.

Tails: Is this infodump supposed to make us like her? Because it's not working. I mean, she spent all of these chapters being rude and obnoxious, and we suddenly have this "caring" side.

So to think that I would start dating her crush. . .would be crazy. Wacko. Off the wall. B-a-n-a-n-a-s. Nuts. Cuckoo. And other words like that.

Amy: Shut up. You ramble way too much. Please shut up.

But it was nice that I got to be in the closet for a while, because I needed to think about the possibility of a relationship between me and a certain silver hedgehog. . .

Sonic: I'd rather have you stay in The Closet.
Amy, Tails: Trademark.

Amy's POV

I feel terrible for putting Sasha in The Closet.

All: Don't.

I mean, she's been my best friend since forever,

Tails: Ever heard of "Show, don't tell", Suethor?
Amy: You're telling us that the Sue is "my" best friend...
Sonic: ...and showing us the perfect sacrifice for that giant green sun guy that Sonia knows.

and to think that she would do that to me. That's just downright stupid. So I let her out, and begged her forgiveness. She said it was okay, and she needed the time to think. She called Xavier and they started getting in a heated discussion. This is what I heard (bold is Sasha, italics is Xavier):

Sonic: This isn't going to make any sense, right?
Tails: You know it.

Xavier, I need you to do me a favor. Raddi raddi raddi ra What?? I'm not doing your chores for a month!! Besides, it's not really anything. Raddi ra Ok, can you tell Jared I'm breaking up with him? WHAT THE HELL?? DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR BASICALLY SENDING ME TO MY GRAVE?? Why would you saw that?? Raddi raddi BASKETBALL CAPTAIN, FOOTBALL QB, AND THE SCHOOL'S BASEBALL STAR?? So what if he's all those, it's not like he'd break you in two. Raddi raddi ra, raddi ra BREAK ME INTO 5 QUADRILLION PIECES AND THEN EAT ME FOR MIDNIGHT SNACK. WHY DON'T YOU DO IT??

Amy: What the heck did we just read here?!
Sonic, Tails: Raddi raddi raddi ra raddi raddi ra...
Amy: *makes a face, proceeds to drink some Bleepka*

Because if I do it, I won't be able to talk with him except for on the phone, text, or email, and then it will make me look like a selfish, cold-hearted bitch.

Amy: But... you are a selfish, cold-hearted bitch. Hey, I'm just using your words. I normally don't say these things here!

Would you do it for me?? Fine, but why are you doing this?? You wouldn't understand. Anyways, thanks. It means a lot to me.

Sonic: *as the Sue* And only me. I mean, I like to use everyone for my own amusement because I'm selfish, but you better love me, damn it!

I'll get you that new game you were asking for. Bye. See you soon. Wait, are you still coming here next week? Perfect. . .see you then. Amy, you might as well come out, I know you were listening.

Tails: And the plot thinnens.

Sasha's POV

Amy really doesn't know how to spy on people.

Sonic: I don't think you're in any position to judge other people, so you might as well zip it.
Tails: This is coming from the Mary Sue who scammed an old guy and used a megaphone to wake up the neighbors at five in the morning.

It was so obvious that she was listening in, I mean, I could hear her breathing from the thin wall in the bathroom next to mine. Of course she had a couple questions for me, like why I was dumping the most popular guy in school. Our conversation went like this:

Sonic: I don't care. I don't want to hear it.
Amy: Too bad, you're going to hear it.

Amy: Why are you dumping the "perfect guy" as you called him?

Sasha: A) technically, I'm not dumping him, Xavier's doing that for me,

Amy: Stop trying to change the definition. You're still dumping him.
Sonic: And that's another Mary Sue trait... she's so wonderful that she snagged the school's sports star.

and B) if Xavier's worried about getting pummeled to death by Jared, then he really isn't the "perfect guy".

Sonic: So the perfect guy is a guy who'll beat other dudes up? I don't get it.
Tails: *shrugs*

Amy: Changing the subject.

Sasha: No I'm not, we were talking about Jared, and we're still talking about him. No subject change.

Amy: Damn you and you're reasoning!!

Tails: That wasn't reasoning. Also, it's "your". Also, why are we suddenly in script format? Also... why are we still on this guy who we'll probably never see in this fic?
Sonic: Padding and despair.
Amy: Also, aimlessness. Suethor said that she had writer's blocks, so she's just throwing stuff to the wall to see what'll stick.
Sonic: Maybe she shouldn't have thrown those little bouncy balls.

JK, jk,

Sonic: Oh, my god, we're using teenybopper text speak. Kill me.

anyways, why are you dumping him? Is it coincidental with meeting some of the guys today?

Sasha: Maybe yes, maybe no. . .yes.

Amy: (shrieks) WHO??

Sasha: Sonic.

Amy: Why you-

Sasha: Jk, jk, jk, it's Silver.

Tails: If he takes you to the future... will you stay there forever?

Amy: Good. . .wait bad!! How is your plan supposed to work??

Sasha: You remember how Xavier is taller than you now??

Amy: Oh no, I'm gonna flirt with my cousin who's A YEAR YOUNGER THAN ME!!

Sasha: Yeah, but none of the guys need to know that.

Sonic: It's still squicky.

Plus, when we're through with him, he'll look like he's 18, not 14. He's pretty tall if you think about it. Also, he does karate, so if Sonic gets jealous enough to fight over you, he knows how to defend himself.

Tails: I'm sorry, but... being jealous over any boy who talks to a girl is just... no.
Amy: That's an abusive relationship waiting to happen.

Amy: I hope that doesn't happen.

Sonic: Same here.

Sasha: I do. I wonder who will win. Sonic has the advantage of speed, but Xavier has the advantage of you or me going in to stop Sonic. Oh well, there's only one way to find out.

Sonic: What the heck is wrong with you?! You want a "Nice Guy" to beat up your brother?!
Amy: She really is a sociopath. And I hope that she gets run over by a train soon.
Tails: Then the fic would end.
Sonic, Amy: Good!

Amy: Couldn't Xavier also get in a fight with Silver?

Sasha: It could happen, but it won't. I won't let my little brother get pummeled to death by my crush.

Amy: ...but it's okay for him to be beaten up by a spiny Christian Grey clone. You are horrible, and I hope that someone pours fire ants into your eyes.

Amy: And yet you're willing to let your boyfriend do it instead. . .

Sasha: Josh won't do that. He's too smart for that.

Tails: Who the heck is Josh? And why are we supposed to care?

Amy: Isn't this the boyfriend who was "smart" enough to throw a huge party at his place the day his parents were coming back from a trip?

Sonic: So he's dumber than Rory. At least he threw a huge party while his parents were long gone!
Amy: Unfortunately, nobody stayed to help him clean up the mess.

Sasha: Well, it would be bad for his rep if he did that. And popularity wise, it is not a smart thing for the most popular guy in school to hurt the most popular girl's little brother. The female has a stronger hold on the population's opinion then the male.

Tails: What is this, a bad nature documentary?

Amy: Sash, you're brilliant.

Sasha: I know.

Amy: *promptly whacks the Sue in the face with her Piko Piko Hammer*
Tails: *shocked* Uh...
Sonic: *unfazed* It was coming.
Tails: Anyway... what the heck is she talking about?
Sonic: Random Suecology. It doesn't make any sense, so don't even try to figure it out. All you need to know is that she's pulling stuff out of her butt to make herself sound smart.
Tails: It's not working.
Sonic: I know.

Anyways, keep a low profile, don't stalk Sonic, and flirt with any guy you see if Sonic is around you. That's basically all you need to do. So good luck, and if you do it right, I think we might be able to end this torture session by next week.

Amy: This entire fic is a torture session.
Tails: Wait, so the Sue admits that the stupid plan is a torture session? Why are we supposed to like her again?
Sonic: Because she's a "genius".
Tails: You know that I could spend a half an hour debunking that claim.
Sonic: Oh, I know.

Amy: Love ya cuz.

Sasha: Sleep's calling me, gots to go. Ciao.

And then. . .I fell asleep.

All: *flatly* Thrilling.
Amy: *mumbles* I hope you get night terrors.

That's Chapter 9!! Please review on whether or not you want a sequel. I need to know!! Bye. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!

Tails: Don't write a sequel. Please.
Sonic: If that happens, I'll know how the Black Crow members feel.
Amy: Did they ever want to kill that Sue?
Sonic: Well, Kyo--
Amy: Kyo LeMaire doesn't count, because he wants to kill everything.
Sonic: Jessie killed that Sue... and then she came back to life and fled.
Tails: What?
Amy: How?
Sonic: She's a Sue with a broken Chaos Emerald. You do the math.

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