Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Three Riffers, Episode 8: The New Girl (KRZR24 version) (Part Six)

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Chapter 10

Sorry about the not updating thing. After I came back from camp I was grounded for two days, and then I was rarely on the computer. Sorry. Anyways, STORY TIME!! Since last chapter was just the girls talking, I'll take you to the boys point of view.

PS, since I'm still not sure how the story ends, I'm going to be writing shorter chapters. Advanced warning.

Tails: You... couldn't make a storyline?
Amy: Hey, some people write as they go. It all depends on the writer.
Sonic: And I've rarely seen the "write as you go along" thing done well.

Sonic's POV

Sonic: And this isn't going to end well. Prep the Bleepka.
Amy: *holds up a nearly empty bottle of Bleepka*
Tails: *blinks* Huh!
Sonic: Uh... fine, give me the Bleeprin tablets for later.
Amy: *produces a new bottle of Bleepka* You forgot about my Hammerspace abilities, didn't you?
Sonic: I don't know how I forgot that. And you've been using your hammer a lot lately.

After we set up the TV, I decided to ask Tails for some help.

Tails: My fic self took that literally and sent him to a mental facility. He was suffering from extreme OOC-itis.
Amy: With a dash of douchebag.
Sonic: It's a lot more than "a dash".

I needed to find out if it's possible to hack into someone's email without actually knowing their password.

Tails: I don't think that's possib--

He told me yes, and he showed me how to do it. (He hacked into Shadow's email. There were no emails except chain mails. Most of them from me. And all of them were unread. Weird.)

Tails: Isn't that illegal? We have these people in this fic comitting felonies, and they somehow aren't in jail?!
Sonic: It's a Mary Sue fic. Logic's long gone.
Amy: And of course Sonic has to be really stupid in this fic as well. He sent chain mails.
Sonic: Suethors really love to make me stupid, huh?
Amy: Unfortunately.

Later on that day, Knuckles came over, and we hacked into Sasha's email.

Amy: Where's the FBI? Where's the CIA?
Tails: On strike and invisible.

She had told Silver her email address, and I heard it and wrote it down. We went to the sent messages, and sure enough, there was a cute couples email. When we opened it, all we saw was that whoever she sent it too, she had used BCCs, so we couldn't find out.

Sonic: What's a "BCC"?
Tails: Blind carbon copy. If your address is in that field, nobody can know that you recieved that copy of the email.
Amy: Huh. So the Suethor did do some research. And that makes me wonder... it's like the Sue expected to be hacked.
Tails: This fic's getting more uncomfortable by the moment.

We went to the bottom, and saw that there was a little button to press. It looked like a mini picture of Amy and Silver. I quickly pressed it, wondering what it could be. The computer immediately went crazy. It started to make blaring noises, and it started to look like a police car. It stopped, and the screen went blank for 2 minutes. When it turned back on, there was a huge picture of Sasha laughing.

Tails: *screams*
Sonic: Are we watching a horror film?
Amy: This whole fic is a horror film!

Words started coming up, and in a Darth Vader-like voice, this is what it said:

Sonic, you are such an idiot. Did you think that I didn't notice that when I gave Silver my email, you were listening very carefully? I'm no idiot. The computer should go back to normal soon, but next time you try to hack into my email, I'll know. And you'll pay. You too Knuckles. So watch it.

PS, if you don't sign out now, your computer might spontaneously combust a.k.a. blow up.

Tails: Yeah, fight felonies with felonies! *narrows his eyes* I hate this cast.

PPS, give Tails my email address, I have someone who he might want to meet.

We signed out right after we read that. It seems that the scariness factor runs high in the family. Amy with her hammer, Sasha with her . . . stuff. I have to be more careful.

Wait. . .how does Sasha know Tails??

Sonic, Tails: *looks at Amy*
Amy: I would never rat my friends out to be warped by a Mary Sue. *mutters* Fic me, on the other hand...

Tails' POV

That was really scary when I heard sirens coming from the computer room. I thought that someone had released some invention of mine that was hazardous to life, and I was getting arrested. I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE ARRESTED!! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT COULD WIPE HUMANITY OFF THE FACE OF THE UNIVERSE!! I'M SORRY!! Thank goodness it wasn't.

All: Unfortunately.
Amy: We'd pool up some money to bail you out!
Sonic: And we'd hire a crooked judge, too!
Tails: Why are you trying to fight felonies with even more felonies?
Sonic: *points at the screen* ...they started it.
Tails: Sonic...
Sonic: It's okay if we don't get caught!
Tails: No, Sonic!

When I went to the computer room, I saw someone who looked a lot like Amy on the screen with words over her picture. Sonic saw me and called me over. He asked me if I had ever met this person. I told him no. So he told me we were going over to Amy's place because we needed to talk to Amy about something. Silver heard, and usually he isn't that interested in going to Amy's house, but he suddenly seemed really excited. I wonder why. Shadow decided to come with us, and then we all went over to Amy's.

Amy: Question. How many times was my name mentioned in that paragraph? I will take a shot for each "Amy".
Sonic: *counts* Five.
Tails: That's not a lot of Amy. Also... I noticed something. The Sue has a physical resemblance to her!
Sonic: Original character, donut steel.
Amy: You were right, Sonic. *laughs as she takes her Bleepka shots* You were right! *laughs maniacally* All of my Mary Sue relatives think that they're adults when they're just snotty, vapid, and idiotic self-serving brats who have the collective mentality of moldy bread loaves, and I hate them all!
Tails: She... she lost it again...
Sonic: It's okay. She'll be fine...
Amy: *sobs* I wish that I was never shot into space!
Sonic: ...I think.

Chapter 11

Wow, I've been really out of it last couple days. Writer's block, another camp, injuring my foot. . .yeah, there was a lot going on. Luckily, I'm back. I'm going to crank out as much as I can before the school year starts, so that I (might) finish before school starts! Yay!! Let's go!! PS. form now on, I'm going to do a recap

All: Why?!
Sonic: That's... we can just click the back button, you know! We're not goldfish!
Tails: Or the cast in that fic!
Amy: What are you talking about, Tails? You're mostly fine in this fic.
Tails: Yeah, but for how much longer?
Amy: ...good point.

When we last left off, Sonic and co. were on there way to the Amy's house. Sasha had been stuck in The Closet (again) for no apparent reason, and been released. Xavier is delivering Sasha's message to her soon-to-be-dumped boyfriend. Rouge, Cream, and Blaze are also on their way to Amy's house (they're bored), and Vanilla is at home trying to hack into Cream's computer (again). And now I'm officially going to begin.

Sonic: *scribbles all over the recap* Blah, blah, blah, nobody cares!

Sasha's POV

All: Help us!

I can't believe it. I have never ever seen such an adorable 11 year old as Cream the Rabbit. I didn't even know about her until today. My so-called cousin Amy

Sonic: *as the Sue* I love Amy, so I'm going to constantly insult her.
Tails: It's like hugging a cactus.

used to babysit her, and they've become uber-close. OMG, she is soooooooooooooooooooo cute. She looks and acts like none of the little brats I have to put up with every week.

Amy: Considering that you're a sociopathic brat, you have no leeway to talk, you walking anal cavity.
Tails: *shocked*
Sonic: Amy Rose has now graduated from the Kyo Baudin-LeMaire School of Rage. Here's your diploma.
Amy: ...can I shove it where the sun doesn't shine?
Sonic: It's your diploma. I'm not responsible for you turning it into a murder weapon.

She's so polite, and she is all-around the most sweetest little pre-teen I have ever met. I have a feeling we could be BFFs. I love that kid.

Tails: And with Amy's reactions... we hate you.

Cream's POV

When I got to Amy's house, Miss Rouge and Miss Blaze were there, along with a really pretty hedgehog.

Sonic: To take a page from Axl's book... you misspelled "vomit inducing", Suethor.

At first she scared me because she nearly tackled me, and hugged me and started talking about how adorable I was, but then I remembered that random people in the mall do that too.

Tails: I'm surprised that she didn't break your bones.
Amy: Can I smash my so-called cousin's bones?
Sonic: Do you need to sign up for some semesters at the Rage Graduate School?

It turns out that she was Amy's cousin that Amy talked a lot about. She was really nice and she looked a lot like Amy. They could almost be twins.

Sonic: Original character, donut steel!
Tails: She's not a nice person. At all.

Amy was in the shower, so after meeting Miss Sasha, I was going to go. But then the doorbell rang. Since I was closest to the door, I went to go open it, and I saw Mr. Sonic, Mr. Shadow, Mr. Knuckles, Mr. Silver, and Tails.

Amy: Why not "Mr. Tails"?
Tails: Well, she and I are pretty much in the same age range, so I'm not going to complain.

It was really weird to see him there because it was usually Amy going to Mr. Sonic's house, but today, he was coming here. Mr. Shadow and Amy were really good friends, but it was also weird to see Mr. Knuckles and Mr. Silver. Amy doesn't really talk to Mr. Knuckles, and Mr. Silver hasn't really gone to Amy's house before. . .Suspicious.

Tails: Um...

. . .Wait. . .maybe Mr. Sonic came here because he liked Amy, and Mr. Shadow came here because he also liked Amy, but secretly liked Miss Sasha, and Mr. Silver came here to ask Miss Rouge out, and Mr. Knuckles came here to see what Miss Rouge would say, and Tails came here to see me. . .I'm confused. I need to ask Cheese what he thinks about this.

Sonic: *confused*
Amy: Is this more padding?
Tails: I hope not.

Or. . .Mr. Sonic likes Amy, and Mr. Shadow likes Miss Blaze, and Mr. Knuckles likes Miss Rouge, and Mr. Silver likes Miss Sasha, and Tails likes me. But that could never happen because Mr. Sonic always runs away from Amy, and Mr. Shadow doesn't talk to Miss Blaze a lot, and has Mr. Silver even met Miss Sasha?, and Mr. Knuckles always fights Miss Rouge. But for some weird reason, whenever Miss Rouge and Mr. Knuckles leave a place together and Mr. Sonic's there, he always tells them to "use protection". What's protection? And what does it have to do with Mr. Knuckles and Miss Rouge? I have to ask my mommy this. Because whenever I ask Tails this, he changes the subject, and whenever I ask Mr. Sonic this, he runs away, and whenever I ask Miss Rouge this, Mr. Knuckles is there, and Miss Rouge begins to tell me, but he covers her mouth and says she can tell me another day, and whenever I ask Amy this, she tells me that it's something I don't need to know, and I haven't asked Miss Blaze, Mr. Silver, Miss Sasha, or Mr. Shadow about this. So that's why I need to ask my mommy about it. I'm sure she'll tell me. But, first I'll ask Mr. Shadow.

Sonic: *snores*
Tails: You were right, Amy. It was padding.
Amy: *sighs* This fic... is either boring or rage-inducing.
Tails: No kidding. *nudges Sonic awake* I'd rather be bored instead of angry.
Sonic: *quickly shakes his head* Agh, I fell asleep, huh?
Tails: With that paragraph, who could blame you?

Shadow's POV

I blame Sonic. That idiot is constantly telling Rouge and Knuckles to use protection when they leave a place together, and now Cream is going around asking people what it is. That retard.

Amy: *flinches*
Sonic: The "R" word...
Tails: No... comment.

It all started when we got to Amy's house. For some reason, Blaze, Rouge, and Cream were there. When we got in, Rouge, turns, sees Knuckles, and asks him in a flirtatious voice, "So couldn't stay away from me could you." Knuckles blushes, and goes into the kitchen. Rouge follows him, and Sonic yells behind her, "Use protection!"

Sonic: *promptly punches his fic self in the face*
Tails: Uh-oh.
Sonic: *as he massages his hand* Looks like I graduated from the School of Rage, too.

Cream immediately asks, "What's protection?" There was such a long silence, that someone would think that there was a funeral happening.

Amy: There is. Because I killed almost everyone.

Then Amy (fresh out of the shower, and with Sonic gawking at her like the idiot he is)

Sonic: *sighs* Amy?
Amy: Yes?
Sonic: Your hammer, please.
Amy: *hands her hammer to Sonic*
Sonic: *promptly whacks his fic self with the hammer, returns it to Amy* Thank you very much.
Tails: We're going to have casualties before we're done here...

asked in a cheerful, yet obviously-trying-to-change-the-subject voice, "So why'd you guys come over today?"

Sonic said, "Well, I actually have to ask Sasha something. Knuckles, you come too."

Amy's face temporarily falls, but she bounces back. She gives Sasha a confused look as she walks by, and Sasha returns it. Amy announced that she was going to go change, and then there was just Rouge, Cream, Blaze, Tails, Silver (looking like he could kill someone cough Sonic cough), and me.

Tails: Sonic wishes that he could kill Sonic.
Sonic: I need to calm down. I haven't snapped this hard since...
Amy: Probably "The White Hedgehog". No, no, it was "A Rare Chance in Life". The Sue in that fic was obnoxious, too.
Sonic: Wow. That was a long time ago.

Cream comes up to me, and says, "Shadow, have you ever lied?"

I told her the truth: I had.

Tails: And that was a lie.
Amy: *smirks*

She then asks me, "Have you ever lied to anyone in this room?"

I tell her the truth; I have. But that was once to Silver, when he asked me if I knew where his Xbox 360 controller was.

All: *flatly* What.
Sonic: End this fic.

I had it, and told him that it was lost. He had to get a new one. Then I "found" it, and gave it back to him. As a reward, he told me I could have the new one. YES!!

Tails: *sarcastically* Yay, scamming people is great!
Amy: Tell me why we're supposed to like this cast. I want one reason.
Tails: Um... what if someone suddenly died? Like Sasha or Sonic?
Amy: I will cheer.

She then asks me if I've ever lied to her. I tell her no (the truth). Then she asks me if I ever would lie to her. Not to damage my reputation in front of the company present (Sonic: cough Blaze cough Shadow: (slaps Sonic in the head) I'm telling a story dimwit.),

Sonic: *flatly* Yay, more fourth wall breaking that is meant to be "funny". *sighs* I hate this fic.

I tell her I won't. Then I find out why she was asking this. She asks me the final question:

"If you have never lied to me, and I can count on you never to lie to me, can you tell me what Mr. Sonic means by protection?"

Sonic: ...we're still on this? You know, I would respond with a joke here, but I'm way too tired.

Rouge and Blaze burst out laughing, and I'm in a ditch.

Amy: I wish I could bury most of you in ditches.

I just told her I wouldn't lie to her, but if I tell her the truth, then I might be hated by Blaze for ruining Cream's innocence. And Amy. But more importantly Amy. Even though I love Blaze with all my heart and soul, if I get Amy angry, I risk losing girl advice, and my life. Being hit by hammer is not a fun experience, believe me. SO, I do the only thing I can do.

Tails: ...is run out of the fic.
Amy: Seriously? Another stupid "cliffhanger"?
Sonic: This fic's really going nowhere.

What does Shadow choose to do? And how will it affect his relationship with Blaze? And what happened to Amy, Sasha, Knuckles and Sonic?

Sonic: Do any of us even care?
Amy: I don't care what happens to these people.
Tails: Uh-oh. You said the "Eight Deadly Words", Amy.
Amy: Well, I'm not lying. I really don't care. I hate this cast, and I hate this fic.

All questions will be answered in the next chapter of The New Girl.

Tails: So... I guess it's time to ask for backups again?
Amy: Yes.
Sonic: Do you really want to switch with your cousin, Tails? You sound pretty fine.
Tails: I guess I do need a break once in a while, right?
Sonic: Sure. *stretches* Time for a break.

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