Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Two Riffers, Episode 1: Bloody Moon (Part Two)

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Warning: You have reached Part Two of this riffing, which contains attempted rape and a minor sex scene.

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4. battle of love

Manic: *laughs, holds his sides* Oh, stop! You're killing me!

Hey gaiss! thanks fer da reveiws!11!

Sonia: Which were mostly negative, I believe...

i hope it continues 2 git moar!:)

Sonia: And they will continue to be negative.

"uhhh." I said in shock. "qwere you cheatin on me with the wherewolf?" edwrad asked me.

Manic: Dude? Dude? Y'all weren't really together. So...

"omg I'm so sorry Edward, but I like him too." I said sadily as I cried rainbow blood.

Manic: *grips his side of the armrest* Stop with the seizure blood!

Carlise then pointed at us and said to me "get out!1!111 if your gonna cheat, then I wont let it be on my son!11! Get out!"

Sonia: Ignore the fact that the Cullens are liars and cheats in canon, readers.

I then slipped on a short black dress

Sonia: *as Lenobia* ...without any underwear.
Manic: *smacks Sonia on the back of her head*
Sonia: *rubs her head* Manic!
Manic: Fair game, sis.

and ran out of the room with my arms around my big boobs.

Manic: Wait, she's wearing a dress. Why does she need to hold her fun bags?
Sonia: The logic left the moment she said her whole name.

Edward pushed carlise out of the way. "wait!1! I love you Lenobia!" he then was running after me as fast as he could.

Manic: I really hope that the tattoo removal surgery will be painless for you, Edward.
Sonia: It will. Don't worry about it.

"edward im sorry" I said when he caught up to me. "but me and Jacob have a lot in common and I think I love him too…."

Sonia: *scoffs* Think. She's thinking. Hornier Bella thinks that she can think.

Edward wrapped his arms around me tightly. "But he can't possibley love you the way I do."

Manic: *as Edward* Thy cannot possibly love thou the way thy do!
Sonia: Wrong badfic, Manic.

\ "well…. I think he might. He said he'd always protect me with everything he's got" I replied

Manic: *sarcastically* Oh, but he's poor. How can he possibly protect you with his poorness and his... brown... ness?

Edward ran his hand through my beautiful hair and kissed me on my flawless porcelen cheek.

Sonia: Now I want Amy's hammer.

"I have to go. Tell your new boyfriend he better watch his fuckin back." And then he was gone.

Manic: But not before he twirled that sexy curly moustache!

"Wait! Don't go!1!11 I'm perfect for you!11!" I screamed after him.

Manic: Can't be perfect if you're doing somebody else. Just saying.

This was a shocking moment, the first time a boy I liked walked out on me. Wtf.

Sonia: *sarcastically* Yes, I truly feel sorry for you. Look how much I care.

I then decided to walk my way to Jacobs house. I think he'd understand.

Manic: Spread 'em further; he'll really understand.
Sonia: *hits Manic on the back of his head* Tasteless joke, Manic!
Manic: *rubs his head* Okay, sorry!

I called Drakina on my black cell with an MCR logo on the side and

Sonia: ...I bludgeoned her to death with said cell.

told her everything that happened while I walked. She pivcked me up in her car then and drove me to Jacobs.

Manic: By the way, she was wearing--
Sonia: Already been established.

"I luv ya girl," I said to her (but not THAT way!111 Pervs!).

Sonia: I'm surprised that she's not pulling a Jessie with all of that humping around.
*Almost instantly, Sonia's phone rings.*
Manic: *laughs* Sis, Jessie left a text!
Sonia: What does it say?
Manic: *reads* "I heard that, you vain little spore."
Sonia: *laughs nervously*

and I hopped hotly out of her car

Manic: *as Lenobia* ...and into the toxic waste...

and knocked on Jacobs door. Through the outside of the house, I could hear jackob blaring hawthorne heights in his room, so I just walked in his house. His dad wasn't there cause he was out getting milk.

Manic: Some house protection you got there, Billy.
Sonia: Did you forget? *sarcastically* They're brown and poor. They can't afford a security system like the white and rich Cullens, you know!

"Jacob? Its me Lenobia, I need to talk to you" I said as I walked to his room, which was locked.

Sonia: Might as well break it in. I do have super strength...

I used my super strength

Sonia: Oh, Hell's bells.

to kick the door down and that's where I saw Jacob with a knife in his hand and his wrists covered in blood!

Manic: Well, he just pulled a random OOC Draco.

"omg jake what are you doing!" I asked in shoock.

Manic: What the hell do you think he's doing, you motherfuker?

Jacob groaned and took of his skull-candy MCR head-phones and stopped cutting.

Manic: Wait, he can't afford all of that stuff! What the heck?!
Sonia: It's Mary Sue Land, Manic; they can get what they want. Anyway, I still think that he should've continued; anything to get himself out of this warped nonsense.
Manic: Well, I still think it's better. I mean... he's sleeping with somebody who isn't a child!
Sonia: Well, that is scary.

"I heard you did it with Edward, my long-time rival since grade school." He said sexily.

"But how?" I asked.

Sonia: Magic.

"I have super sensettive ears and can hear every where!" he said deprezzingly.

Sonia: Okay, so it's almost magic.

I started crying years of rainobw blood,

Sonia and Manic: *now wearing sunglasses*
Sonia: Might as well keep these on for the rest of this riffing... oh, and I might as well do this...
Manic: What are you doing?
Sonia: *now in a sunhat and swimsuit/sarong outfit* Suiting the mood. It's also pretty fashionable.
Manic: *shrugs*

until someone stepped into the room it was…

Manic: ...Volsemort and da Death Dealers!

EDWARD!

Manic: Oh.

"You BASTERD!" Edward yelled at Jacob and stepped forward. I couldn't tell what Edward wwas going to do.

Sonia: Aside from his attempt to beat the living daylights out of Jacob?

Jacob jumped up from his bed, blood running down his hand.

"You don't want to mess with me SPARKLELER!" Jacob replied angrily.

Manic: I think that Jake's having a stroke there.

Just then Jacob transformed into a werewolf and tackled Edward out of the house window. They landed on there backs on the field behind Jacobs house as I watched from the broken window. Edward started

Manic: ...to make out with him.
Sonia: *chuckles*

punching the wolf in the nose while Jacob was trying to bite Edward. Jacob and Edward stood back up. Edward kicked Jacob in the junk. Jacob spat blood in Edwards face.

Sonia: Now we're resorting to "Geraldo" tactics here.

Jacob bit Edwards shirt off revealing his awesome build.

Manic: Now it's "Jerry Springer" material.
Sonia: All we're missing is a lesbian oil wrestling match.
Manic: I will so host that.
Sonia: As you often say.

Edward gain a lot of scars because of it. I saw all his tattoos now.

Manic: She was also missing the one located on the tip of his junk.
Sonia: I do not want to see that.

"OMFG STOP IT YOU TWO!"" I screamed as I hopped out the window gracefully and hopped down onto the field.

Sonia: She used her breasts as airbags in case she ruined the landing.
Manic: I kinda want to see that. And I only want to see that because it would be hilarious and terrible at the same time.

I stepped between the two of them and shot fire from both my hands to separate them.

Sonia: Just wait; she's going to have every power ever.
Manic: I would like to hate that, but I can't for some reason.

Jacob leapt back and spun into the air and became a human (he was naked again heehee).

Sonia and Manic: Heeheeheehee... shut up.

The fire lightly scortched Edwards pants, which he then threw off cause they were useless now.

Manic: But the next person bought it at... a fire sale!
Sonia: *facepalms* I hate you, Manic.

He stood there in his south park boxers.

Sonia: They probably had Cartman on them. You know, he can be compared to Cartman; he's spoiled, he's a schemer, and he deserves to get his butt kicked.

I was really pissed, my face was burning with anger. Edward and Jacob just stared at me, dumbfounded….

Manic: ...because their hard-ons were showing.
Sonia: *double facepalms* Stop talking, Manic.

wat you thinkkkk?

Sonia: I think it should've ended right there.

thanks to cathrine for giving me ideas!11!111

Manic: Ideas for what? Copying a blatant badfic poorly?
Sonia: Well, people are making money hand over fist for crummy ideas nowadays. Take that as you will.

5. Omg! WTf

Sonia and Manic: LOL.

haii vamp lovahs! heres five! :D

Manic: Five what?
Sonia: Five whacks to my head, I hope.

I sighed with anger.

Sonia: And then she threw a tantrum.

Jacob and Edward walked towards me. "What in the bloody hell was that?" Edward yelllled, flicking his black flowing hair into the wind while adjusting his south park boxers.

Manic: When did Edward turn into James?
Sonia: The first "villain" or Jessie's friend?
Manic: Jessie's friend.
Sonia: Please. James has blond hair... and I'm sure that he's a lot more sane.

Edward went up to me with fire in his tiger-like eyes.

Manic: Get the extinguisher!

"That's it, babe were THROUGH!" he yelllled. I gasped with rainbow tears in my eyes

Manic: Drinking game for rainbow tears?
Sonia: Certainly.
Manic: Drink of choice?
Sonia: I have my tea.
Manic: Cool.

I started to hug Edward but he pushed me back lightly, causing Jacob to catch me sexily.

Sonia: And then he tried to shoot her.

I felt secure in his buff tan arms with masculine wolf hair on them.

Manic: And then some hair balls were hacked up.

"Don't you lay one of your sparkily fingers on Lenobia, bitch-boy!" Jacob said.

Sonia: Did he get his insults from the Kyo Kusanagi School of Swearing?
*Sonia's phone rings once again.*
Sonia: *irritated* Oh, now what?!
Manic: It's the man in question; he said, "Bite me, Keyboard Girl."
Sonia: *sarcastically* What a gentleman.

Bringin my face to his rock-hard abs and chest.

Manic: That's got to be the most uncomfortable pillow ever.

"Don't worry girl, you can stay with me and my dad as long as you want." Jacob said, holding me tightly.

"Lenobia, I don't know if I can live without you, hon." Edward said, choking up tears seductivily.

Sonia: You just broke up with her. Now you're whining about it? Why can't people just make up their minds?

"But you complete me and I complete you." I replied.

Sonia: You complete the qualifications for me to fall asleep in the middle of this fic.

"BUT I HAD HER FIRST!" Jacob roared, bearing wolf fangs.

Manic: Dude, this ain't dibs.

` I started to cry tears of rainbow,

Sonia: Oh, Hell's bells!
Manic: *laughs* Drink!

with my beautiful black hair covering my face.

Manic: Just you wait until I get that electric razor.

Jacob put his arm on my shoulder and we turned around, going back into his home.

Manic: Which was made of toothpicks.

Edward scoffed and adjusted his dusty MCR jacket, jumping into a near-by tree. With his boxers flowing in the air he summer soleted to the falling sun.

Sonia: Superman is ashamed of you.

The moon arrived, it was full tonight.

Sonia: As it always will be.
Manic: They never show anything other than full or crescent moons. What's up with that?
Sonia: Beats me.

Jacob showed me to a guest room after his father came in and Jacob told him what happened.

"It's nice to welcome you to the pack Lenobia, I'm honered!" he said. He was a cripple; I wonder what happened to him.

Manic: Y'know, anything would be a hell of a lot nicer than "he was a cripple".

He wore a black Metallica t-shirt and Avril Lavine pants.

Manic: *dumbfounded* What the shit?
Sonia: There is no "what"; it is shit.

He said I was pretty

Sonia and Manic: *coughing*

and asked if I was Jacob's boyfriend.

Sonia: Wait, huh?!
Manic: Whoa, I knew that something was wrong with Lobotomy!

I didn't reply.

Manic: Obviously.

My new room had a window, unlike my old one.

Sonia: Were you living inside a cube?

The walls were stretched with MCR, GC, BOTDF posters.

Manic: Seriously, this fic makes me want to cut myself.
Sonia: Don't be serious about that. We have limits here.

I couldn't help but howling, Jacob and his dad didn't mind, guess they were used to it.

Manic: Now she has an excuse to cover up those other... unfortunate noises.

It was a Friday and all the preps were singing that god-awful song Friday by Rebecca Black,

Manic: *sings* And Sunday--
Sonia: Sunday will be up your butt if you don't stop singing.

I hate that little prep-whore.

Manic: Y'know... just stop talking, dude.

It was 1st period when things really got weird. We were all drawing drawings,

Sonia: ...of more wolves.

but when Mr. Perkins went up to me….

Manic: *as Lenobia* ...I made out with him! OMG!

"Lenobia, it has come to my attention that every drawing you had in your sketch book was so good, they are all in the hallway cause they are so awesome."

Sonia: *flatly* What.

He said "I need to talk to you in my office."

Manic: Actually--
Sonia: No, don't go there.

I followed, with Drakina and Jacob staring at me from there seats. When I got into the office, I sat down on

Manic: *as Lenobia* ...his lap.

a chair in front of his desk.

Manic: Oh.

The teacher stood back up from his seat, grinning.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked angrierly.

Sonia: Aside from the fact that we're still looking for a plot?

Mr. Pwerkins just laughed, but then I saw from his mouth…FANGS!

ohemgee clifffanger! XDD (lolz like a vamp!)

Sonia and Manic: *facepalming*
Sonia: It's not a cliffhanger anymore, you foolish person.

6. stupid bella!

Manic: Actually, that's pretty true.

haiiii gais! sorri i didnt post recetly i had mah bffl (aka drakina) over nd we get in trouble cuz we weer up all nite n i waz grounded but im nawt nymore!11!111! kay herz da new chaptah!

Sonia: Should've been banned from typing for life.

"So, lenobia," mr perkins said thru his gitted fanged teeth. "I herd you had a bit of vamp in u, and guess wat? I do too."

Manic: Liar! He just put plastic teeth in!

He already did get up out of his chair and pushed me against a wall.

Manic: And then they made out. Because who wouldn't want to get any of that good ol' extra credit, eh?
Sonia: *shakes her head*

"wat do u want?" I asked, annoyed.

Sonia: I want this fic to end. I keep saying that because it's true, damn it!

"I want you" mr perkins said evily as he grabbed mah boob tightly and bit my neck seductivlly.

"no stop" I moaned softly.

Manic: Kusanagi? Emi? Get outta there! We're reading a different badfic here!

Mr perkins started taking off my skimpy black leather top.

Manic: *sarcastically* Because you know, when a woman dresses skimpy, she's really asking for it.
Sonia: *sighs* Makes me want to beat those fools that actually believe that with a shovel.

"your mine now babe" he whisperd, taking his muscular arms and unbuttoning my pants.

"please! Stop!" I begged, crying rainbow tears again.

Sonia: *calmly sipps her tea*
Manic: Dude... it's starting to look 3D to me.

Just then…..

Manic: ...Martial Arts were performed!

Edward bursted thru the the door! "stop right there, betch!" he yelled at mr perkins.

Manic: No, it's just Kyo.
*Suddenly, Manic's phone rings.*
Manic: Crap. What'd he say?
Sonia: *reads while laughing* "You're next, Broccoli."
Manic: *mutters* Bring it. I ain't scared of him.

"oh no! its edwerd!11!" mr perkins said, stepping, away from me.

Sonia: Really? You have no spine.

Edward the punched mr perkins in the face, but that's when he realized mr perkins waz a vamp too.

Manic: *deadpan* Oh, joy.

He yell "don't touch lenobia evar again!111!" and started attacking mr perkins. Mr perkins was no match for Edwards awesome skill and he was knocked out.

Sonia: What a fight scene. You know, "The Kathryn Show" had better fight scenes than this.
Manic: It only had one fight scene.
Sonia: Really? Oh.

"Edward… you saved me" I said, shaking like a leaf.

Manic: It's kinda odd when you look at all of that "Grrrl Powah!" that she was spouting earlier... but the nearly being raped thing gets a pass.
Sonia: Of course it does. Take note, Serenity.

"yeah babe, I'm srry. I read his thoughts and knew there was gunna b troble." Edward replieded. He looked all over my body and got a boner cause I was underessed. He walked over two me and traced, his arms all over my body. "I still love you he said" as he started to take off his pants.

Sonia: Wait! Stop! She almost got raped, and now you want to have sex with her?!
Manic: Sure, why not? Forget all of that "trauma" logic and nonsense! Just bone the guy you like!

I helped take off his shirt and we made out then did it a few times on mr perkin's offices floor. When we heard mr perkins moan while he was unconcios we decided to

Manic: *as Lenobia* ...have a threesome with him.
Sonia: *attempts to hit Manic on the back of his head*
Manic: *grabs Sonia's hand before it makes contact* Yeah, what now, sis?!
Sonia: *flicks Manic's forehead with her free hand*
Manic: Damn.

get dressed aand leave.

Walking out we moved quickly cuz we didn't wanna get caught.

Sonia: They were in school. There should've been a chance for them to be caught already.
Manic: Could've been worse... Mai told me that she caught two people doing it in the hallway when she was in school.
Sonia: Seriously?
Manic: Yeah. She also said something about "her virgin eyes", but I think I was too busy laughing.

I lookeded at Edward and said "I thought you hated me now…?"

"no I don't lenobia I hate that dam wolf boy." He said back.

"but I love him too…" I whispered quietly.

Sonia: This is some "Melrose Place" crap.

"whose it gonna be babe? Me or him?" Edward asked me with seriousness in his eyes.

Manic: Or the hidden third choice... both?

I will looked down. "I pick jacup…." I said…

"I'm sorry lenobia I gotta go." He then ran off coolly as he depressingly rubbed his cring eyez.

Sonia: Wonderful; the fic exposed Edward's true nature... a crying pansy.

* Two weeks later*

Manic: I died inside.

One day at school to weeks later

Sonia and Manic: We got that!

I, was walking with Jacob when I saw it.

Sonia: I saw it as well... that comma's in the wrong place.

Edward was….. walking with another gurl! I gasped! I herd her name was bella swan cause I read Edwards mind.

Manic: Read mine... this fic blows chunks.

She was really ugly with buxck teef and ratty poop brown hair.

Sonia: Well, she does have an ugly personality... but you're no better, Mary Sue.

She dressed like a preppy slut. Omg. I cant believe Edward was datng THAT. I walked up to them while shaking my booty.

Manic: Sis, do you see the irony in that?
Sonia: Yes. Yes, I do. I also want to throw an iced scallop at her face.

"What the fuck are you doing with herrrr?" I asked madly edwad.

Sonia: I don't know why you're asking, considering that you dumped him to be with Jacob...

"lenobia this is my gf bella. Im dating her to get you jelous hun" he wisperd so bela couldn't here.

Manic: Nice to spoil the plan, moron.

I gasped! "no way yer datin this chick! Shes ugly as a fuckin toad!11Z!" I said!

Bella turned around and looked at me. "wtf are you sayin about me? Your like totally uncool" she replied stupidly.

Manic: Like, gag me with a spoon!
Sonia: *holds a spoon* Let's see if that does work.
Manic: *pushes Sonia away* No, man!

"fuck the shut up you stupid whore!"

Sonia: Now she can't even swear properly.
Manic: Maybe she's dyslexic.
Sonia: No, she's just stupid.

I screamed! Putting my fist in the air at hewr! (mwah haha :D)

Manic: Huh?
Sonia: I don't get it, either.

Bella started to cry. But then…. She tried to punch me!

Sonia: Let me know when that's terrible.

I jumped outta the way pulling a kunai kunai outta my back pocket and, throwing it at her.

Manic: Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute!

She got stabbed and tried to doing handsigns (cause we're both ninjas like naruto)

Sonia: *facepalms* Oh, dear heavens.

and she feel backwards as I kicked her very hard and, she coughed up blod. I did handsigns and did saskays fireball jitsu(I can do all the ninjasus like a hokagay)

Manic: If they're in rainbow as well... we're so gonna have a field day.
Sonia: I'm afraid to find out.

she tried to move outta the weay, but I was t2wo, fast for her and it burned her stupid Abercrombie shirt.

Sonia: And you need to move that other comma "outta the weay" as well.
Manic: Red penning much?
Sonia: Well, what else are you going to do?
Manic: Alright, fine. Suit yourself.

No stop!11!111" she whimpered crying on the ground like a stupid cow.

Manic: And you started the fight, you dummy! What is your problem?!
Sonia: Her problem? She is existing.

I brushed my hands on my short shorts and readjusted my leef village headband that was around my wiast. "silly fool I have a jinkurakia in me and im a straonger ninja than u." I replied awesomely with my long gorgeus hair flowing in thwe wind.

Manic: *hums as he shaves Lenobia's head with a razor*

Jacup ran up to me and was like "whoa lenobia tht was relly hawt." He rapped his arms around me and glareded at edwewed. "why the hell do you keep bugging my gurl?" he asked edweed with a glare.

"cuz I don't care about her anymore! I love u bells!" Edward said!

I gasped!

Sonia and Manic: *facepalming* Morons... morons everywhere...

kay vamp-lovers, stay tuner fer maor soon!21!

Manic: I don't wanna.

im tryn to tipe a new chappie up quick by mysef without sugestions frum drakina cause shes gnna b on vacation 4 2 weeks :(

Sonia: She should've waited for two weeks.

happy summah yall!1222!

Manic: I'm not going to have a good one, considering what I have just read.

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