Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Special Episode 8: Miles "Tails" Prower (Part Eight)

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Note: Don't worry, the fight takes only one chapter '.

Amy: *brings in a table*
Kyo: *scoffs* Better start the drinking game.
Jessie: *as she mixes up a cocktail* You said there'd be drinking, so I'm going to do it. Let's go.

Chapter 21: Ultimate Mech?! Yeah right...

Tails: If you have to spoil your story in the chapter title, just... stop.

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Tails was exhausted after his insane battle with Metal Tails.

All: It was one-sided!
Amy: I wasn't even here, and even I know what happened!

Eggman had succeeded in weakening him, but Tails

Miyuki: ...would get out of this next battle unscathed because he's a damn Gary Stu.

wouldn't just let Eggman take his chaos emeralds and his weapons, at least not without a fight. Tails would find a way to defeat Eggman's Tyrannosaurus Rex robot, he would have to. Then, as always, the voice spoke to Tails.

Sonic: We know, we know, it's going to tell us what happened in the story so far.
Sonia: Don't forget the tired old "he'll never defeat you" garbage.
Manic: And the "he's underestimating you" crap.

"I see... so Eggman first thought that Metal Tails would defeat you. But, when that failed, he figured that you were worn out. And, although that's true, he seems to believe that he'll defeat you with hit "Ultimate Mech", his Tyrannosaurus Rex robot. Again, he's being a stupid fool and underestimating you even more." informed the voice

Sonic, Sonia, Manic: Drink!
Jessie: *hands the triplets her cocktail* Enjoy. *mixes up another cocktail*

"Yeah, that's for sure" remarked Tails

"Don't worry Tails, I believe in you, and I know you believe in your own strength as well. You'll be fine" assured the voice.

Kyo: Of course he'll be fine. Who gives a flying... *grumbles*

Tails just smirked.

Que: "The 13th Dilemma" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

Miyuki: Here we go again. Shoot me.
Jessie: No.

The T-Rex robo came after Tails stomping, trying to crush Tails with its feet. At first, Tails just ran away from it, then he started running from it in counter-clockwise circles, then Tails finally flew into the air and was flying in counter-clockwise circles.

Amy: What difference does that make? It's a T-Rex. It could attempt to grab Not-Tails with its mouth.
Sonia: Logic, Amy.

But, Tails realized the T-Rex robo couldn't stomp Tails if he was in the air.

Amy: Again, it could use its mouth.
Tails: Again, stop using logic.

So, Tails stopped, rushed towards the T-Rex robo and slashed up the T-Rex robo with intense duel aerial slashing combos.

All: Double drink!
Jessie: *takes two shots* Two. We're going to start from scratch here.

Tails wouldn't stop. It seemed like he wasn't even hurting the T-Rex robo, but, he still wouldn't stop, and, Eggman had no way of pushing Tails away.

Tails: So much for my intelligence. "I'd" exhaust myself with this nonsense.
Manic: It's okay, man. You're a Stu.
Tails: Don't compare me with this terrible clone, Manic.

Eventually, though, Eggman was able to push Tails away by having the T-Rex robo cross slash Tails with its claws, but, Tails was able to block it by putting his weapons out in front of him in an X shape, but, Tails was still sent backwards a couple of feet.

Kyo: And then he got smacked into a wall, knocking him out. Then the T-Rex robot flattened his ass like a pancake.
Sonic: Wishful thinking, man.

The T-Rex robo tried to come after Tails and slash him with its claws, but Tails just flew in the circles again to dodge. Eventually, Tails turned around and parried the T-Rex robo's claw slashes with his weapons. Tails quickly counterattacked and intensely slashed the T-Rex robo's torso again with intense duel aerial slashing combos,

All: Double drink!
Jessie: *takes two shots* Four.

and wouldn't stop again. Eventually, the electrical energy was sparking all over the T-Rex robo. Eggman couldn't believe it.

"What?! But I thought Tails was worn out?! How does he still have all this strength left?! It's unreal!!" gasped Eggman

All: He's a Stu!
Kyo: Fuck me, everyone's dumb. I don't wanna be here.

Eggman tried to have the T-Rex robo chomp Tails, with its teeth!!

Amy: *throws her hands up* Now it does it!
Miyuki: You'd write better fight scenes, Amy.
Amy: Yeah, but they're not my thing.
Sonia: You'd still fare better.

Tails quickly, and was barely, able to dodge by quickly flying to the left side. Tails was shocked, wide-eyed, and speechless.

Tails: *unfazed* Because it used its mouth? That's it. I need to remove this clone from the planet.
Kyo: Let me do it.
Tails: No, Kyo. This is my problem. It must be solved.
Kyo: ...can I at least burn the ashes?
Tails: *as he pulls out a giant laser* If there are any ashes left.
Manic: Wait, what? I thought you said that you never had killing stuff.
Tails: I modified it for that. Also, you forgot the Chu Chu Bombs.

Tails quickly flew away from the T-Rex robo as fast as he could, because the crazy T-Rex robo came after Tails, quickly trying to chomp him with its teeth!!

Jessie: Didn't you say that like four sentences ago?
Sonic: Stay in suspense, Jess.
Jessie: Yeah, right.

Every time it tried to chomp Tails, Tails had to quickly fly dash to the left or right. Tails didn't know what to do, so he was in trouble. Until...

Miyuki: ...it malfunctioned. I wasn't talking about the dino.
Sonic: This fic already malfunctioned over twenty times.

Tails just stopped. He waited for the T-Rex robo's mouth to open. Tails dashed right into the T-Rex robo's mouth.

Miyuki: And then it chomped down. Blood spurted and bones broke.
Kyo: Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
Sonia: Eww! No!

It had no throat, though, it just had a metal closing where its throat should have been.

Jessie: It's a fucking machine. Did you want it to be anatomically correct?
Tails: I can do that.
Jessie: That's okay, sweetie. You don't have to do that.

Tails X cross-slashed it by dashing.

Sonia: And I slashed it by drinking. *takes a shot of whiskey*

Tails easily sliced it head in two, horizontally. And, since Eggman was in the T-Rex robo's forehead,

Amy: Why are we just being told this?
Manic: Actually... you just found out. We already knew this, Ames.
Amy: ...oh. Sorry.

the forehead was falling toward the ground. Eggman escaped in his flyer, but, the T-Rex robo exploded, causing Eggman to lose his laser chaos emerald he had. Then, Tails seemed to come out of nowhere and snatched the chaos emerald and exited the room.

Miyuki: *bored* Of course he did.

It was a good call, because the T-Rex robo exploded, causing the room to explode as well. Tails really didn't care if Eggman survived the explosion or not.

Sonia: Of course he didn't. Sociopathic nitwit.
Miyuki: Our protagonist, folks!
Tails: I'm pretty sure I'd wonder about Eggman, even if he is an enemy...
Kyo: You would. That diseased flea ball wouldn't.

End Music

Tails exited Eggman's base and noticed that he had the robin egg blue chaos emerald.

Amy: I'm just imagining that it's an actual robin egg instead of an emerald.

Tails smiled, because he knew he just needed on chaos emerald left, but then Tails frowned and got serious again, because he also already knew who had it.

Tails: Time for my serious face! *scrunches his face*
Sonic: Let me guess. I have it.
Manic: *as he flips through the fic's pages* Uh...
Sonic: *takes the fic away from Manic* Don't say anything, bro.
Kyo: You have it.
Sonic: *sputters* Kyo! Come on, man! Why'd you have to say it?
Kyo: Number one, this fic's a bullshit cliché pile. Number two, you said that Manic couldn't say it. You didn't say that the rest of us couldn't say it.
Miyuki: *laughs*
Sonic: ...touché.

But, Tails didn't have time to worry about that right now. The only thing he had to worry about right now was getting back home.

Miyuki: And then his house blew up.
Jessie: James did it.

To be continued...

P.S.: Is Eggman dead?! I'll leave that to you to ponder about... '

Sonia: No. We're deciding on "no". What kind of edgy crap is this?
Amy: Remember, it's the edgy dork timeline.

Note: More airplane levels... ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Oh well...

Jessie: "Oh well"? Why the hell am I reading this thing if this guy's not gonna care about his fic?
Manic: *bored* That question's been asked already. Also, I dunno. Something about "riffing duty" or whatever.
Miyuki: Then it's my riffing duty to treat this fic with contempt.
Sonia: You've done that since the beginning.

Chapter 22: More Airplane Shooting!!

Sonic: Please, no more.
Tails: Too bad. We're getting more.

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Tails had already put his newest chaos emerald into his backpack. He got into his airplane, the Tornado, and took off.

Kyo: And then the engine randomly failed.
Tails: Would I really be that dumb enough to not check my plane's status before takeoff?
Kyo: Not you. That bad clone.
Sonia: We know what the name of his plane is. Stop holding our hands.

He started to exit Eggman's base and headed for home. But, Tails noticed something. No one, not even a mech, was coming after him.

Miyuki: Maybe he just killed everyone. It'll get handwaved because he's the "protagonist".

"Something's wrong. Why aren't any mechs coming after me? When I escaped from G.U.N.'s headquarters, I was attacked by some of G.U.N.'s fighter plans. So, why hasn't any of Eggman's mechs come after me yet?" wondered Tails

Sonia: ...didn't the narration just say this?
Amy: Repitition is supposed to be a learning tool. It's starting to induce insanity instead.
Sonia: We brought that up while you were gone. Yes, it's now insanity.

Tails wondered that too soon. Because, after his thought, he found himself surrounded with red and black Eggman robot mech airplanes.

"Hmph" grunted Tails. Tails really didn't care about this, because he would get back home, no matter what.

Kyo: Shoot him! Shoot him down!
Miyuki: Whoa, Kyo. *pauses* Never mind, you're right. Shoot his ass down!

Que: "Rowdy Rumble" (Kingdom Hearts 2)

Amy: *rolls her eyes*

Once again, as before, Tails would take down the robot airplane mechs depending on how they were attacking and where they were located. If the mechs were far away, Tails would shoot them down with his airplanes long rang homing missiles. If the mechs were close, Tails would shoot them down with either his airplanes regular missiles or his airplanes chain gun.

Sonic: *heavy sigh* This just in: Nobody cares.

Tails easily took out tons of Eggman's robot mech airplanes. He would run into them random places in the sky, just in different formations, like with the G.U.N. fighter airplanes when he was escaping G.U.N.'s headquarters.

Tails: *bored* Yeah, we know... CTRL+C, CTRL+V. *browses on his Miles Electric*

It didn't take long, really, before Tails was able to escape the airspace with Eggman's robot mech airplanes and to fully escape from Eggman's base. Looks like Tails was right. Since Sonic was able to escape from Eggman's base unscathed, Tails was able to, also.

Jessie: But because this is Stu Tails, he did it better than Sonic.
Sonic, Sonia, Manic, Amy: *groans*
Sonia: Does he eat sexier, too?
Miyuki: Wait, what?
Sonic, Sonia, Manic, Amy: "The White Hedgehog". Don't read it. You'll hate yourself.
Kyo: Y'all riffed that shitty fic a long ass time ago. And it still stings, huh?
Sonic, Sonia, Manic, Amy: How about "Ultimate"?
Kyo, Jessie: *groans*
Amy: We thought so.

End Music

Tails finally arrived back home from all the craziness.

Amy: *bored* Thrilling craziness.

Tails parked his Tornado in the airplane garage as fast as he could, and entered his house. Tails instantly crashed onto his bed, to take a long deserved rest.

Kyo: Then he crashed through the bed, and then through the floor... eventually, he entered Hell.
Jessie: Best ending.

But, little did Tails know, that another one of his friends was about to pay him a visit. This one was a really "close" friend of Tails. And, Tails will find out that she'll do anything to stop Tails from "not acting like himself."

Manic: Will she "underestimate" him or some other crap?
Sonia: "Close" friend. How dare this "close friend" say that he's "not acting like himself". Look at those scare quotes. That Stuthor bias is showing.
Sonic: Of course. Can't tell "Tails" that he's out of character.
Miyuki: *stamps her paper* I'm done. I'm so done.
Sonia: Do you want to get your backup?
Miyuki: No. I'm just gonna sit here and probably eat glue or something.

To be continued...

P.S.: That was a hint.

All: *with dunce caps on their heads* Dur-hay!

Care to guess which character it is? It should be obvious, IMO... '

Amy: Cosmo? Cream? It's one of the two. You can't say that it's obvious and not drop a blatant hint.
Tails: We're supposed to be mind readers, Amy.
Amy: Can't do mind reading if it's literally spelled out for us.

Note: Thank you for all your reviews, I really appreciate it. But, to be honest, I just don't think it's going to get any better than in pretty much already is.

Miyuki: So... it's just gonna suck. And we're just gonna have to live with it. Okay. Good.

So, I apologize. Whoever recommend that I show another point of view, thanks, because I ended up using that in today's chapter.

Amy: Oh, great. We're going to the comically exaggerated "bad guys" who are geniunely concerned for Tails, but they're the "bad guys" because the fic said so. We know. We don't need this chapter. I don't need to be here.
Kyo: That's my line, lady.

So credit goes to that person, whoever they may be. I'm trying, I really am. But, I suppose I just suck at fanfiction.

Kyo: *begins to speak*
Jessie: Zip it.

Oh well... anyway... now you'll found out who the "character" is!!

Tails: *looks up from his Miles Electric* Should I care?

Chapter 23: A "Close" Friend No More?!

Manic: It's also a "good" fic no more.

----------------

Tails rested up after all that craziness that he just went through. He definitely deserved it. Besides, it was late anyway.

Sonic: And then the ghosts of bad characters present, past, and future paid him a visit.

The next morning...

Tails exited his house and relaxed on the platform or cliff outside his house.

Sonia: Platform or cliff? Which is it?
Miyuki: Who cares?

It's been a long time since Tails was able to do that, so, Tails was happy. Tails smiled, and he knew he was smiling as well. It's also been a long time since Tails smiled, as well.

Jessie: He doesn't deserve to smile. Not while he's making everyone and the audience miserable.
Tails: *as himself* Sure, I hurt my friends, Eggman's probably dead, and I'm a giant Gary Stu... but I deserve all of this. I am now the king.

Meanwhile...

Apparently the rest of the characters were together and discussing something. But, apparently one person was missing, although, the blue hedgehog know as Sonic was there acting as the "leader" of course.

Miyuki: Yeah, how dare he. Even though the fic is in the "Sonic the Hedgehog" section.
Jessie: And here, his riffer number is... "001".

Everyone seemed to be there. Chaotix, Rouge, Amy, Knuckles, Shadow, and, of course, Sonic. Sonic spoke first.

Manic: *sarcastically* How dare he!

"So, I guess you all lost, huh?" realized Sonic

Sonic: Why's this fic painting me like I'm the leader of a gang of mooks?
Manic: That would be Eggman's thing, but... you know... *shrugs*

Amy actually didn't react to the fact that Sonic was right in front of her, and actually got serious for once.

"Yeah, but, you don't understand..." remarked Amy

"That's right. That fox has gotten unbelievably strong in such a short time" added Shadow.

Sonia: Not to mention "unrealistically"...

Sonic looked at Shadow seriously.

"What about you? How did you survive?" asked Sonic

"What, have you not learned yet? I don't die that easily." informed Shadow

Kyo: Yeah, the fangirls and fanboys resurrected him. I blame the latter group for that shitty "Shadow the Hedgehog" game that came out.
Miyuki: What about the fangirls?
Kyo: Mary Sues went and humped his ass. That's why we ended up with shitty fanfics like "Sabrina's Adventure".
Sonic: And "Meet Shyloh". And "Sky Blue"... and "Always You". I didn't riff the last two.
Kyo: Yeah. Because I riffed "Sky Blue".
Miyuki: Oh.

"Of course" remarked Sonic

"By the way..." started Amy, but Sonic interrupted her

Everyone except Sonic, Manic, and Tails: You asshole!

"Where's Cream?" asked Sonic

"You don't think..." gasped Amy

"So, she's decided to take things into her own hands? Not what we planned..." remarked Sonic

Amy: Seriously! This is not a legion of supervillains! What is this fic?!
Jessie: It's crap.
Tails: Tell us something that we don't know.

Back with Tails...

All: No!
Kyo: So much for this chapter focusing on everyone else.

Tails went down to the main ground of the Mystic Ruin. Then, he saw a tannic rabbit with yellow clothes on. She had a blue choa with her, and she didn't look happy. It was Cream, and her choa, Cheese.

Sonia: Number one, it's spelled "chao". Number two... we already know what Cream looks like. Why are you writing if you can't even get basic spellings correct?
Manic: Charmy's a girl for some reason now.
Sonia: *scoffs* Stop.
Manic: Lady, don't scoff at me. I didn't write this crap.
Sonic: *snickers*

"Cream..." realized Tails as he got serious

Tails: *scrunches his face* Grr!
Miyuki: Keep working on it.

"Tails, what do you think you're doing?" asked Cream

"You don't understand Cream. Everyone underestimates me,

Manic: Shut up!
Sonia: *flatly* Don't yell at me. I didn't write this crap.

in fact, I'm pretty sure they underestimate you as well" informed Tails

"That's understandable, and you're right,

Amy: *kicks over the table* No, he isn't! I swear to-- *explodes into a shower of glitter*
Tails: *sighs as he brushes the glitter off of his Miles Electric* At least that was better than destroying another screen.
Jessie: *as she gets out a small vacuum* There goes the booze. *vacuums the glitter, dumps the pile on a seat*
Amy: *reforms, shakes the excess glitter off of her head* Oof. That vacuum ride made me dizzy.
Jessie: *as she sets the table upright* Sorry, sweetie. I just wanted to see what would happen.

but, do you really need to collect the chaos emeralds to do so?" asked Cream

"Actually, maybe" started Tails

Sonic: What do you mean "maybe"? Nobody in this series collects those things for sport... except for Rouge.

"I want to prove that I can protect the chaos emeralds with my own power, and so far, I've done that.

Kyo: With shitty writing.

Since they have come back yet again, I also want to prove that I can handle a crisis, whatever it may be, by myself, and, this seems to be the only way to do it."

Tails: Nothing proves your heroism like selfishness.
Amy: I thought this was a series about friends. That's why there are games like "Sonic Heroes". Everyone is connected in some way or form because of Sonic.
Miyuki: Nah, Sonic sucks. Tails is the real selfish hero here. This crap fic said so.

Cream got un-serious for a moment, but, then she seemed to remember something, and got serious again.

Sonia: "Un-serious" isn't a word...

"You got new weapons, right?" asked Cream

"Yeah that's right" replied Tails, he then showed Cream his weapons.

Jessie: You're lucky Cream isn't mischevious.
Kyo: Hell, he's lucky that Manic isn't there. He'd snatch those things up the minute you showed them to him.
Manic: You're not wrong, man.

"Tails, I think those weapons are and have been changing you, and not in a good way. Please, throw them away!! They're hurting you, not helping you!!" declared Cream.

Amy: Yes! She's right! Too bad that this bad fic's going to bash her for telling the truth.

Tails got angry.

"Sonic told you that, didn't he?" realized Tails

Cream said nothing.

"Well you, and Sonic, are both wrong.

Tails: *while still on his Miles Electric* Get off your high horse, you bad clone. She's right. The Chaotix are still right. Everyone here is still right. Those weapons are going to ruin you. *looks up* And when they finally do, nobody will care.
Sonic: Riffing's molded you into... something, little buddy.
Tails: I think it's lessened my tolerance for blatantly idiotic things, Sonic. *resumes browsing*

These weapons have helped increase my belief in my strength and belief in my own, individual, power.

Tails: No, they haven't. *as he looks up* Don't make me come up there... and remove those extra commas.
Sonia: *snatches the commas after "own" and "individual"
Tails: Um, what are you doing, Sonia?
Sonia: *begins hitting "Tails" with the commas*
Tails: Never mind, she did it for me. *resumes browsing*

I won't do something like that just because everyone seems to think I'm bad now, when, in fact, I'm not." announced Tails.

Everyone except Sonia: You are!
Kyo: Christ. Just burn this fic. I don't have the patience for this shit today.
Amy: There's another unnecessary comma...
Sonia: *removes the comma after "when", resumes hitting "Tails"*

Cream seemed to get in her fighting stance now, and Cheese flew away from the two. Cheese had a look of concern on her face as well.

Amy: Uh... you wrote this fic based on "Shadow the Hedgehog" in which Cream refers to Cheese as a "he" in that game. And yet... you get his gender wrong. Just... stop writing. You can't even get basic facts right. You're seriously not cut out for this.
Sonic: Seriously, we're not expecting novel like perfection here. But... this? Whoo. Forget this.
Amy: Also, why is Cheese flying away? Cream relies on Cheese for some of her attacks. That's how she operates. Why is this fic giving her such an unfair disavantage?
Manic: You know why, Ames. The "fights" in this fic weren't fair then. You really expected this upcoming one to be fair?
Amy: Well... no...
Manic: Exactly.

Tails got in his fighting stance as well.

"Do you intend to stop me by force Cream?" asked Tails

Tails: *scrunches his face*
Jessie: So... how anime is this fic?
Tails: Way too anime.

"If that's what it takes to get you back to your old self, then yes" announced Cream

Sonic: And Cream's the bad one why?
Miyuki: Because her brain's working.
Kyo: Hey, wait. Ain't she like... six?
Sonic: Yes.
Kyo: A six year old's smarter than this fucker that's supposed to have a 300 IQ? Amazing.

Tails did not want to, but, obviously, he had no choice. He had to fight his supposedly "really close friend" Cream. This... could only end badly...

Miyuki: She's evil because she didn't bend over and kiss his ass. She's evil because she wants to save his Stu ass. Great writing there.
Sonia: *tosses the commas away*
Amy: *baffled* ...you broke commas?
Sonia: Maybe.

To be continued...

P.S.: ...

Jessie: *sarcastically* Wonderful note. Informative.
Kyo: Best fic. Zero outta ten. I'm getting the hell outta here.
Miyuki: *sighs* Twelve chapters left. I don't know if I can take any more of this crap.
Tails: I understand. Doesn't help that another "fight" scene is coming up.

--

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