Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 4: Defying Destiny (Part Two)

--

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.

Amy: Look, we know you don't own it three chapters ago! Do you have to put the disclaimer in every chapter?
Sonia: Apparently, yes. I guess the author thinks that her readers have a memory span that rivals goldfish.
Sonic: You're referring to the "Twilight" fandom, sis. I'm pretty sure that most of the fans already have goldfishy memory spans.

Thanks to xxRorscachGFxx for helping me. You rock!

Manic: Keep rockin', baby!

I'M SICK OF EVERYONE SO SHUT UP!

Manic: *mock whining* No, you shut up!
Sonic: Eh, I'm sick of you too, lady. Guess we're even.

Buy to my good reviewers thank you so much.

Amy: Sonic, tell the delusional author what she's won!
Sonic: A free padded room!
Manic: *imitates audience cheers*
Sonia: Oh, come on. Anyway, yes, we can tell that she's only here for praise. Looks like critiques are "bad".

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 4

Sonia: No more title jokes, Manic.
Manic: Aww.

Everyone was silent. Edward glared at Rafael. Rafael opened his palm in a backing-off gesture.

Sonic: Sonic was bored. Sonic hated this narration. Sonic yawned.

"Apologise." ordered Edward, his face grim. Rafael shoved his hands into his pockets and slouched his broad shoulders

Manic: Do all shoulders need to be broad?

"Sorry." He smirked at me.

Amy: *in a booming voice* This is God. Stop using my name in vain, you simpletons!

Then he turned and walked away.

Sonic: And then he was jumped for his lunch money.

Jerking away from the wavy-haried girl, the mismatched eyed girl stormed off in the opposite direction.

Manic: Wait, I'm confused. Can I get a map or something to understand this sentence?
Sonia: Eh, just brush it off. It's not that important.

"Sorry 'bout that. Rafael was being an ass and it pissed off Akasha.

Amy: Who?
Sonic: I don't know... I just stopped guessing.

I'm Pandora by the way." We shook hands and she left us because of class.

Sonic: Yeah, considering that you have five minutes between passing... you're super late.
Amy: Wait, why wasn't the fight broken up? I mean, they're in the hallway, right?
Sonia: The school faculty does not exist, Amy.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked. I was about to hug him when he took a step backwards from me.

Sonic: *woodenly* Oh. Poor you.

Stung, I turned to leave.

Sonia: So... Edward's a bee now.

"Wait!" cried Edward but it was too late.

Sonic: *as Serenity* Because I had already shoehorned myself in the way of a different canon couple.
Amy: *as Serenity* Yes, like... Kyo Kusanagi and Yuki...

I sprinted down the hall as fats as I could which was really fast and ran into the lot.

Manic: *as Maury* Edward, you are not the father!
Sonia: Well, that was a wonderful picture of run-on blandness.

The pain of being insulted like that made it so hard to breath.

Sonic, Sonia: Oh, well!
Amy: Wait, you're insulted because he won't hug you? You're a wuss, Madame Sue.
Manic: *as Maury* We'll be glad to help you find the father of your child...

Inhaling then exhaling, I turned and rested by back against the cool rusting metle of a chevy truck.

Sonia: Then the truck started, and Serenity was run over.
Amy: One could only hope.

Then I noticed the skinny jean-clad legs 2 metres infront of me.

Sonic: You could at least spell out "two"...

Looking up, I came face-to-face with non-other than Bella Swn.

Manic: Wait, is it "Guess The Name" time? Is it "Bella Sewn"?
Sonic: *imitates buzzer*

Startled I stood up.

Sonia: *as Serenity* And then I sat back down.

"I see you like my car." She bemusedly said while I dusted myself off.

Sonic: I gotta look up "bemusedly". Is that even used correctly?
Sonia: No. Damn thesaurus abuse.
Manic, Amy: Drink!

"It ain't bad I shrugged. "I've seen better."

Amy: *as Serenity* Like Edward's. Edward's!

I watched Bella tense.

Sonia: Up.

"I want you to stay away from Edward."

Manic: Eh... you're in a badfic, Miss Swan. You may wanna try a different request.

"Ha! Blow me!"

Sonic: *imitates the sound of a cocking shotgun* How about blowing you away?

I barked harsh laughter

Amy: *claps her hands, barks like a seal*

while Bella turned on her back to me.

Sonia: Oh, now you're just laughing at her stupid back.

While she was walking away, she turned one last time to say something over her shoulder.

Manic: *as Bella* Wow, you're a bigger clingy brat than I am! That's quite a terrible feat, you know.

"If you play with fire, you're going to get burnt."

Amy: Hey, didn't Kyo say that?
Sonia: If he did, he would've spelled "burned" correctly.

I watched her grimly as she entered the building, and thought about what Edward would say.

Sonic: *as Edward* Wanna get wasted and compare me to Michelangelo's "David"?
Sonia: *chuckles*

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.

All: We got that!

AN: Please people be nice!

Manic: We are being nice... well, except for Sonic.
Sonic: What?
Manic: Dude, you snored in Chapter Three. At least Roger Ebert would sit through this thing without yawning.
Sonia: No, he wouldn't.

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 5

I avoided Edward for the rest of the day incase Bella carried out her threat.

Amy: What threat?! She has the IQ of a blade of grass! Do you really think she'd actually beat somebody up?
Sonic: Well, you're right, Ames; Serenity really is a wuss. She beat those guys up in the first chapter, but... she avoids Bella. Yeah, okay.
Sonia: What selective memory.

When school finished I walked through the lot en route to my home when I saw the back of Edward,

Sonia: His stupid back.
Manic: We got it, sis.

standing with what I assumed was his family. I thought as much because although they don't quite share the same looks, they all had dark circles under the eyes, they were freakishly pale, and they were all drop-dead gorgeous.

Sonic: Oh, so they're raccoons!
Manic: Rabies: Drop-dead gorgeous!

Edward turned around and met my longing gaze.

Amy: With disgust.

The intensity of his stare made me blush but memories of what Bella had said stung my heart and made me turn away.

Sonic: Uh... is that purple prose? Do we take a drink?
Sonia: I'm going to have to answer "no" to to both of your questions, because that's a run-on sentence. Thanks, missing comma.

I bit my lip and felt tears well in my eyes.

Manic: She only said a common phrase to you! You're so thin-skinned, man.
Sonia: Sticks and stones won't break her bones, but words can surely hurt her.

The look on Bella's face when she threatened me was dead.

Amy: How do you create dead looks, anyway?
Sonic: How should I know?

She mean't what she said.

Sonia: Why is there an apostrophe in the word "meant"?
Manic: You're really picky about this, aren't you?
Sonia: Yes. Yes, I am...

I noticed several emotions flick over Edwards face: Searching, shock, disgust, then rage.

Sonic: ECEC: The Edward Cullen Emotion Channel! Now broadcasting on his face! Check your nonexistent local listings for shows.

"Oh god, he hates crying girls, doesn't he?" I thought sadly,

Sonic: No, not crying girls. He hates the crying game.
Amy: Now think... sadder.

then regained my composure. And with a fake smile

Manic: Complete with fake tears.
Sonia: Uh-oh! Edward's special defense has sharply fallen!

I nodded at Edward and walking towards the exit of the lot.

Sonia: Jeez, I want to correct that sentence so badly...

That is until I felt an ice cold hand grab my wrist.

Sonic: Well, that's what happens when you leave a chalk-white hand in water...
Amy: Sub-Zero? Is that you?

Reeling from shock, I nearly fell over but regained my composure quickly.

Manic: Damn. Should've hit the pavement.
Amy: And then she would've shattered into a million pieces.

"What are you doing?" I hissed and felt him grab my chin and jerk it gently to look at him.

Amy: Whoops. Forgot about that superhuman strength there... her head's jerked clean off.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

Sonic: Lookie here, Eddie. Common phrases are her Kryptonite. She ain't never gonna be "okay".
Sonia: Double negative, Sonic.
Sonic: Thanks, Grammar Police!

"I'm fine!" I lied.

Manic: *woodenly* Oh. I guess we couldn't tell through all of that whining over a common phrase being said to you.

The afternoon sunlight caught the tears on my eyelashes, making them sparkle like diamonds. His face softened, then he leaned down and I felt his cool breath fan my face.

Sonic, Sonia, Manic: Drink!
Amy: Hey, he's been chewing some Winterfresh gum!

A shrill scream interrupted us.

Sonic: Who's watching those "American Idol" auditions over there?

I jumped away from Edward and looked over to where the scream originated from.

Manic: *in an operatic singing tone* Glauco-o-o-ma....!

The whole school was staring at us. With a livid Bella in the middle.

Amy: This is better than the drama on "90210"!
Sonia: Drama fueled by only three people? Yeah, right.

AN: Tell me what you think!

Amy: *makes A-OK sign* It stinks!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight.

All: Duh!

AN: QUIT FLAMING!

Amy: Riffing isn't flaming. Thank you!

I AM ONLY POSTING THIS BECAUSE I GOT A NICE REVIEW!

Manic: All right, who'd you drug? I want answers!
Sonic: And I want the drug in question so I can actually enjoy this fic!

DEFYING DESTINY

CHAPTER 6

I was shocked. Edward was still. Bella stomped over with her fist raised.

Amy: Why is Bella doing the "Black Power" sign?
Sonic: Beats me. I thought she didn't like people of color.
Sonia: Sonic, stop that.

I stepped forward to meet her challenge when Edward blocked me.

Manic: The challenge? Take this pebble from her hand.
Sonia: I thought the challenge was "Out-Swanning Bella Swan".

"Edward, wai—"

"Please Serenity, this is my responcibility."

Sonia: But it's not his responsibility.

The look in his eyes when he said my name made my heart do somersaults

Sonic: Ouch!
Sonia, Manic, Amy: Drink!

"What do you mean your responciblity? Do you regret this?" I asked.

Manic: *as Edward* No, because I'm under some sort of brainwashing.

He flinched and tensed but didn't answear my question.

Sonic: And then he jerked and his heart did somersaults while he was flopping like a fish.

Bella came over and slapped him. Edward didn't even flinch.

Sonia: That's because he was made of chalky cement, remember?

"How could you?" She screamed.

"Bella, I—"

"You what? Got that slut pregnant?

Amy: Huh?! Wait, we're still on the first day here! This fic makes no sense!

How much are you paying her?"

Sonic: *as Edward* Thirty dollars... worth of fish food.

He glared and growled warningly

All: Drink!

at her for slandering my honour.

All: What honor?!

"Its over Bella. I need someone who isn't so clingy and actually knows and understands me."

Amy: Let's summarize this. Edward, who is clingy, is leaving Bella... who is also clingy... for Serenity... who is just as clingy. What the heck is going on here?

And with that her slipped his arm around my waste

Sonic: Enjoy your fecal matter, Ed.
Sonia: Eww...

and pulled me over to his car much to the dismay of the school who was watching the scene unfold.

Sonic: Man... these kids don't have anything else to do, like get an education.

I got a glimpse of a pail Bella being

Manic: ...filled with sand.

comforted by several boys, one of which was tall, tan, obviously native American who was staring into my eyes with such intensity...

Sonia: ...that the sentence would never be completed.
Amy: Oh, great. She's so wonderful that Jacob Black comes out of nowhere just to stare at her. This is stupid.

I got into Edward's car and he drove off. "Are you okay? He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Nice car."

Sonic: Only a man could make her feel better. Hey, and all she had to do was wangst about it!

We chatted for a while

All: About what?!

until he stopped the car infront of a fancy restaurant. Giving me a crooked smile,

Manic: *flatly* Snap.

he looked deep into my eyes.

Sonic: Boring romance crap. Next.

"Want something to eat?" He chuckled softly.

Amy: *as Serenity* Of course. You.
Sonic: Watch it, Pervert Rose!

I gasped and nodded mutely

Sonia: Nodding is a silent action. You didn't have to add "mutely". And on that note...
Sonic, Manic, Amy: Drink!

while he climbed out of the car.

Sonic: Did the car turn into a mountain when we weren't looking?

We went into the restaurant where a rather rude waitress ignored me and eyed Edward like a sack of meat.

Manic: You're a hypocrite, Mary Sue.
Amy: *as Serenity* I need attention! Argh!

"Table for two," He said boredly.

All: Drink!

"Away from the crowd," I added, jerking my thumb towards the usual after-work diners.

Sonia: The waitress wasn't rude at all, but Serenity's being a jerk to her. Great.
Amy: Double standards ahoy, Madame Sue!

"Sure." She eyed me coldly and led us towards the table closest to the exit.

Sonic: A template for smashing Serenity's head into the door, perhaps?

"Somewhere else, please," Edward went all gooey eyed and gaze the waitress a $100 tip.

Manic: I'd like an explanation for Edward's sudden horniness, please.
Amy: You should--
Manic: I'm already relaxed, Amy. You should know that by now.

She blinked "Whoa... thanks." And lead up to the best seat in the house.

Sonic: This also works for politicians when you want something passed. Take note, guys.

"I will be serving you this evening. What would you like to order?"

Sonia: A better fanfic.

A waiter with greasy slicked back hair winked at me.

Amy: Greasy back hair? Eww!

Edward's knuckles went white, if possible.

Amy: Snow white?
Manic: Sun white?
Sonic: White white?
Sonia: White out.

"And what can I get a mighty fine woman like yerself?" He grinned, revealing ultra white teeth.

Sonic: Someone's been taking teeth whitening tips from Ross Gellar.

"Another maître d." Edward got up to complain and I went to the bathroom.

Amy: Jealous much?

I sighed as I made my way down the long hallway with twisting and turning corners, but still classy and not threating like in horror movies.

Manic: In other words, a maze.
Amy: A maze with a long winded description! Drink!

I finally found the womans bathroom

Sonic: Complete with cheese!

and pushed open the heavy oak doors to a well lit and pretty bathroom with sinks and mirrors all lined up against the furtherest wall. I washed my face and hands, then began to reapply my make up and brushed my hair with my long white fingers.

Sonic: I'm only taking a drink because this was so long winded.
Sonia: You were supposed to, anyway. "Long white fingers", Sonic.

Looking at the mirror, I replayed the day through my mind. There was something odd about Edward that I couldn't put my finger on...

Amy: Should we do a long web search scene with pop-up ad closings to find the answer?

"Hello gorgeous."

All: Surprise! *quickly singing* Happy birthday to you...

My head snapped up

All: Ouch!

and I spun around to see the waiter behind me.

Sonic: How the hell did he get into the bathroom? Did he phase through the walls?

He gave me the same sickly smile and hurled himself at me.

Amy: Get away, he has smallpox!

I yelped and kneed him in the stomach. Assuming my fighting stance I realized with some disgust that part of my black halter-neck shirt had been ripped off.

Manic: Uh... a guy's trying to rape you, you idiot! Why are you so concerned about your stupid shirt?
Sonic: Mary Sues don't know what priorities are, bro.

"Hey, now now, no need to get angry." He lunged for me again, but this time I was ready for it. I blocked his punch and captured his wrist in my left hand as my right elbow slammed brutally into his outer right elbow, feeling a satisfying loud crack. I smirked and aimed a side-kick into his collar bone. He flew backwards into the white wall beside the door and choked a scream.

Sonic: How do you choke a scream?
Sonia: I'm starting to think that Serenity's been training in the "Dusk School of Fighting".

"You bitch!" He wailed as he grasped his broken right arm and cradled it protectively.

All: Drink!

The then turned to the left and vomited violently; a side affect of a shattered collar bone.

Sonia: But it certainly wasn't a side effect.
Sonic: Is all that stuff in that sentence correct?
Amy: Um... I don't think so, considering that he was smashed in the stomach earlier...

I flicked my hair nonchalantly

All: Double drink!

and walked out of the bathroom only to be met with by a worried Edward. "I heard a noise," He was wild with panick.

Sonic: It was the sound of the audience groaning from boredom.

I stepped a little to my left and revealed the very battered and bloody waiter.

"He tried to rape me," I said casually and walked down the long corridor to enter the main part of the restaurant with a very confused Edward in tow.

Sonia, Amy: Huh?!
Manic: How in the hell can she be so calm when this guy tried to rape her?!
Sonic: You're looking for logic in this fic, bro? That's like trying to figure out if Donald Trump's hair is actually real.

"Clean up in the ladies room.

Sonia, Amy: *singing* I'll be back real soon...

I think someone has made a mess in there," I wrinkled my nose delicately

Sonic: Are we on the set of "Bewitched"?
Sonia: No, and I guess that's another drink. Just because she's shoving the "fact" that she's "perfect" down our throats.

as I told the manager of the joint. Just as Edward finished paying

Amy: Wait... did they even eat?!

we were at the entrance, we heard a shrill scream.

Manic: Uh-oh. Did he just get neutered?
Sonia: *sarcastically* That's what he gets for cheating on her.

"Looks like they found him. " Edward said and we hurried along to his car. I was silent during the ride because I was mulling over the day.... Then it hit me.

Amy: Like a meteor from the sky. Literally.

White skin.

Acute hearing.

Cold hands.

No appetite.

Sonic: *snaps fingers* I got it! He's a white guy who has the common cold!
Sonia: *snickers* No...

And I had seen his abnormally long canines when he had been growling at Bella. I had read Dracula over a dozen times to know what this meant.

Manic: *as Serenity* I'm smarter than you, dumbass Bella... Sewn...?

He hit the breaks

Amy: Them's the breaks.

and we skidded to a stop at a secluded area.

Sonic: And then they crashed into a pole, and then Edward was arrested for a DWI. But of course, he easily got out of it because he flaunts his money like it ain't no thing.

I was numb with shock and he was just looking straight ahead, his knuckles were white from gripping the wheel so hard.

Manic: Whoops, there goes the wheel. Now how're they gonna get home?

Still numb with shock,

Sonia: I don't think we got the fact that she was numb with shock, author. Care to tell us a third time?

I looked into his eyes and licked my dry lips.

Manic: Ever thought of investing in Lip Smackers, Serenity?
Amy: *as Serenity* You want this?
Sonic: *as Edward* Eww, cooties! Get out! Get out!

"You're a vampire."

Manic: *as Serenity* My second guess is that you've escaped from a theater club.

--

Continue to Part Three
Go Back to Part One
Go Back to Origins Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page