Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Five Riffers, Episode 2: Street Fighter: No Time 4 Love (Part One)

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1. New Begginings

One time it was 2007.

Kyo: Yes, we know that 2007's come and gone. What's your point?

Matches were starting!

Julia: *deadpan* Oh, the excitement. *normal voice* Kyo, light those matches up, please.
Kyo: When I feel like it. You know, you don't need any matches when I'm here.
Julia: Oh, right.

"Arlight everyone!" said Guile with his muscles,

Amy, Juniper: *snickers*

"Today is the big torunament be sure to enter so we can all fight together."

Keiko: Street Fighter: Fighting Is Magic.

Ken and Ruy were in the tournament. "What say u ryu" said ken. "wut u mean ken" asked ryu? "r u going to fight in the tournament?" said ken again. "heck yeaah" said ryu he wanted to say a bad word in that sentrence but he knew he coul;dnt because that was frowned upon in his contry and it was disrespectful so he just said heck.

All: *staring blankly at the screen*
Kyo: What in the hell did I just read here?
Amy: I honestly do not know, Mr. Kusanagi.

All the street fighrers were tghere.

Julia: Is the author trying to spell "together" or "there"?
Juniper: Maybe that person just wanted to cram the words together.

"HEY CHUYN-LU" shouted blanka with his loud voice box.

Keiko: And here I thought that Kusanagi was going to kill off my brain cells. I'm oddly elated that this fic just proved me wrong.

"hi blancka are u entering the tournament?" asked chun li "u no it" repliyed blanca.

Julia: *annoyed* We got it, everyone in a five mile radius is going to enter this stupid thing. Can we get on with the story, please?
Kyo: What story?

Suddenly there was dark clouds and lightning. but its not raining? then mr bison came out of nowhere and startled everyone! "I will b in the tountameitn" said mr bison yellingly. "ya and we wil kick ur booty!" roared ruy loud for everyone to hear.

Amy: *facepalms* I want a different fic. This is too redundant.

Suddenly a new fighter was there!

Keiko: Oh, so Street Fighter V finally came out.

"helo I am in the tourmnatmetn this year." wow shes so prety thought all the boiz.

Kyo: Suddenly, I immediately want this "pretty" piece of crap to go away.

Then tall the boysz looked at each other all mad cuz they new wut they were thinking.

Juniper: You sure that they were using their brains?
Kyo: That's when Hell's supposed to freeze over, Trainer.

Da guirl was beautyruiful, tall, and pale with logn blak hair she had pale lips and pale blue eyes with big eyeblashes and black eyeshades and a red tattoo dat looksd like it was drippping blod and said 666 on her left bicep. She was waering a tub top wit black n withe stripes and black glovs for fighting. Her nails were black and she hjad on demin short skirt and also big combat boots that were black and she had a red scarf too.

Julia: ...
Juniper: Is this the Street Fighter edition of "My Immortal"?
Keiko: *headdesks*
Amy: I'm going to murder somebody.
Kyo: Yeah... I'll help you hide the body, Piko.

"ur just in time!" said zangief loud. "TO LEAVE!" he said after then laughed.

All: *applauds*
Julia: Finally, somebody has a brain in this thing!

Lots of peop[le started laughing then but other people got madder than before. "shut up zangief!:" roared ken. "juts because u don t like beautiful young women doesn t mean we dotn" then zangief got really quit and looked angry.

Amy: Nice. Her brainwashing powers have already worked, and -- hey! Isn't Ken supposed to be married?
Keiko: That's logic, Amy. We can't have that.

It got redeemably quiet but then el fuerte laughed quietly then zangiref turn and yell "WUT SO FUNNY EL FURETE?" and den el fuierte stepped back and was quiet rest of time. The new girl was quiet too and was sad now that was made fun of and stoof up for but she didn t like attentiomn so she was sad and covered her face with her hair and almost cried but didn t.

Kyo: Bite me, you attention sucker.

Da first tounrament match is beginning! Said intercome. It was .. Guile vs. Honda!

Juniper: And if this was an actual tournament, Guile would just spam Sonic Booms in the corner... all day long.

Dey went to the match and stared the fight. "u ready, tubby? Ha hah ah ah ah ah!" laughed guile.

Julia: Yes, please finish your grade school insults.

"y U..!" angried Honed. HOnga raised his arms and rammed guile with such force he grabbred him and flung him over his so much head. URGGH said Guile. he got up then quickly kicked honey in the face and homnda stumbed back a little then guile went in for the punch! tacke THIS! and he uppercutted him in the tummy and he went flying in ar. WRUAAAHHHH yelled honada in the air. Then he landed in a BOOM and got up again cuz he knew the fight wasn t over yet. "this isn t over yet" hinda set to guile. "im just getting warmed up!" replied guile.

Kyo: *looks at the paragraph* Okay, ladies... where do I put the quotation marks?
Amy: And where do I put the spellcheck?
Keiko: Try everywhere.

SOPNIC BOOM?

Juniper: *falls out of her seat laughing* He's not even sure about his technique!
Julia: *helps Juniper back into her seat* Oh, the joys of writing.

Said buile and he launched a sonic boom and Honda and it hit hihm and he said urghgh and was angry so he ran to guile and punched him and did combo and did thousand slap and slapped him real hard and fast and guile didn t like it so he punched honad and punchd him and punched him again and kicked and jumped and kicked him. Honad stopped him mid air and blocked his kcik and returned it with a big punch! AHHHHH yelled guil;e in pain as he flew back painly.

Amy: I give up! I give up! Let me read another article!

The fight was not over though because guile got up fast and did combo and grabbed Honda and nearly killed him too but he didn t cuz he just injured him

Kyo: *facepalms* Oh, good god.

and did a cool kick and then punched him again right in the face and Honda was down but not dead but he couldn t get up so it was almost the same thing as being dead but not.

Kyo, Juniper, Julia: *confused* What?
Amy: *strangles the narrator* Stop making me go nuts with your dumb wording!
Keiko: *calmly pulls Amy away* We're only one chapter in, and you're already resorting to strangulation?
Amy: Yes! It's the only way!
Kyo: Y'know, Piko... you need to stay away from Fox Clone. He must be warping your brain or something.

GUILE WON THE TOURNAMENT MATCH! Said intercome and he walked out with hoemr s arm aorund his should and they were both tired and painting but they walked out ok.

Juniper: Yeah, they painted that with their blood.

"good match u guys!" said abel.

Keiko: There was a match?
Julia: *shrugs*

"ty abel ur not so bad after all" said guile.

Juniper: But... Guile battled Honda, I think. I'm really not sure now.

The new gril was shocked 2 see them beat up so bad she didn t know it would be THAT bad she thought.

Amy: It's a fighting tournament, and you were shocked to see them in that state?
Keiko: I think she's beginning to have the "smarts" of Bella Swan and Ana Steele here.

Vega noticed this and said to her r u ok girl and she looked at him he had beautiful blue eyes that sparkled really big but she couldn t see the rest of his face under his mask then she looked away and blushed. Vega smiled undder his mask cuz he knew he was beautiful and it was long time since he say someone react 2 his beauity like dat.

Juniper: I smell a two bit romance coming!
Julia: And that romance will make zero sense because he finds more pleasure in seeing their blood and hearing their pained screams.
Juniper: Well, that is perfect for the "666" lady, Jules.
Julia: *sighs* I forgot about that.

NEXT FIGHT IS ..ZANGIEF VS EL FUETERE! Said intercome. El fuerte lookd shocked!

Amy: *as El Fuerte* Tornado Rojo!
Keiko: *smirks*

Znagief and el fuetere lookd at each other. Zangief had big smile and was evil smile because hje wanted to beat up el fuerte long time now but never got the chance to but now he can. El Fuerte was much smalled the zangief so was scared to figth him but he knew he had to so he tryied to not look scared and just look confident and anhry.

Kyo: Would you get your grimy hands off of me, you hack?

The new girl was hoping that znagief would get butt kicked to him on a silver paltter but she knew that wastn going to happen because el fueerte was tiny and zangief was jainormus. El fuerte was cuyte though, built good, she thought, zangief better not break his face!

Julia: What a brat. How dare someone not like the "666" girl!
Kyo: Welcome to Sue Land, Coordinator. If you don't like her, you deserve every horrible thing that's coming your way.

Zangief and ele fuetre enter the ring. "come on little man show me wut u got!" sed angief intimidatinyly.

Juniper: Uh-oh. The author's keyboard has some water in it.
Keiko: Good. Maybe it'll stop this monstrosity.

El fuerte clenched his fists and got ready for da fight. Both of them raised fists at each other. "BRING IT ON!" yelled el fuerte.

Amy: And den fuerte's face waz brokn.
Kyo: Yep, this fic's getting to you, Piko.

2. Frends

Julia: Don't mistake that for the popular NBC show "Friends".

The fight was starting to begiging.

Keiko: *throws off her dunce cap*

"HA HA HA" laughed zangief big. DING DUNG DUNG goes the bell that ,means the starts figghting.

Juniper: *singing* Clang, clang, clang, went the trolley! Ding, ding, ding, went the bell!
Kyo, Julia: *stares at Juniper*
Kyo: Trainer... do you have coffee running through your veins or something?

EL FUerte took steps back and dig jumps off walls then landed begind Zangief because Zagnief is too slow though.

Amy: Please throw me off of the Empire State Building. These fight scenes are horrible.
Keiko: What fight scenes? I'm only seeing gibberish.

EL FUerte did swift kicks and fluips and did TOSTADA PRESS! E, Fuerte went SLAM on Zangeif and that made zANGIEF angery. "GRR UR GONNA GET IT NOW" roared zangierf to intimidate el fueire.

Kyo: *pulls out a Rubik's Cube*
Keiko: Looks like you replaced that melted one, huh?
Kyo: I'm glad I did, Tsukino.

el Fuerte did dodge his attacks for while but though he did so he couldnt block the cyclone! OHH YEAH said zangief as he did cyclone.

Amy: Did Zangief just turn into the Kool-Aid Man for a moment?
Julia: Or Randy Savage. That would make this fic a lot more enjoyable.

el fuerte was thrown bakc into air but landed again and fell on the ground.

Kyo: Yeah, that's what gravity usually does, you hand holder.
Juniper: Wait, he landed and fell? *gasps* Whoa, he's a time wizard!

from off the ground he was on he got ofrf the ground and stepped up with his feet ont he ground.

Keiko: *begins looking for aspirin* That sentence made absolutely zero sense.

el fuete charged at zangief and try do lucha libre move on xangief bu65t znagief was too heady so zabngief picke up el furerte by his tummy and droped him on his head!

Julia: *as she plays with her Zigzagoon* Yes, tell me more about this thrilling battle.

EL fuERTE WAS HURT BUT NOT DOWN.

Kyo: *removes his earplugs* Yeah, thanks for shouting at us.

zsanief was laugh and wa,ked to el fuetre whoiw was on the ground all of him on the grouwnd trying to get off the ground but not succersful. whehn zangief was over by el fuetere he raised leg to kcik but then el fuetre rammed his leg that was on the ground and knocked zangiref over on the ground.

Juniper: I think we need to run that through Google Translate.
Amy: No, we don't; it'll break it. Remember the last time Google was down? People flipped their lids!

sudently el fuetre got up off the ground and moved back quick beucase then zangief got up from off the ground. "grr im gonan git u now!" zangeif growled.

Keiko: Well, that brought a very unpleasant image.

they both fought long thimge when finnaly the match was almost over when ken yell "HURY UP U 2 HA HA HA" and eveyrone mad at ken so ken say "wut u lookin at". eveyrone was excite. they were cheering for them too!

Julia: *still playing with her Zigzagoon*
Juniper: Jules, can you at least try to focus on this fic?
Julia: I don't feel like it. It's terribly written. And besides, you're not chewing that Kyo guy out for playing with his cube there.
Juniper: *looks at Kyo who is still fiddiling with his Rubik's Cube* Oh. Right.

da new girl was sad though because she was mad at zanbief

Keiko: *as the girl* Oh, someone refused to kiss my butt! *normal voice* Go die in an underwater volcano, you whiny brat.

and she didnt want el fuerete to lose to him so she was real sad and thought 'i have 2 do something but i cant wut do i do?' she thought.

Kyo: Hey, that one brain cell's going to get overworked! Watch out!

zangief throw punch.

Amy: Amy are bored.

"EAHHHHHH" he grunted with force of thousand quacks.

All: *stare at the screen*
Amy, Keiko: *facepalms*
Kyo: *drops his Rubik's Cube* What the hell?
Juniper: *stifling her laughter*
Julia: That's it, I'm going to be practically invisible for the rest of this thing.
Juniper: *laughs out loud* That is the best worst sentence ever!
Kyo: Yeah, glad that you're enjoying yourself, Trainer.

it hit el fuerte. URRGH said elf uerte as he get hit. then el fuerte fall onto the ground where he stay ont he ground hurt and mad but not k.o.!

Keiko: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

El Fuerte get up again. finally do combo.

Amy: Sentences still fragmented. Audience leave in disgust.

"EL FUEEEEERTEEEEE" he started to yelled and did backflips. "DYNAMIIITE!" he finished saying as hre finish combo and landed on zangiefr crushing him a little but not a lot bwcause he wasnt all that heavy bevcusa he was tiny mexican like mordecai.

Kyo: Tsukino, why is my head pounding?
Keiko: I'd say it's because of this fic. I'm pretty sure that your cube would cause less of a headache.
Kyo: Yeah, because this requires me to think... with my entire brain.

it hurt ZANGIEF BUT NOT A LOT.

Julia: *frowns, places a dunce cap on her head*

rl guerte was schokc to see zangief still up and off the ground. this time he was RELALY MAD!

Juniper: Yeah. Sure. Where's the end?
Keiko: It's not coming, Mayfield.

zamgoef do combo. IT HURT EL FUERTE REALLY BAD! suddenyl you hear K.O.! new girl was sad!

Kyo: Kyo was elated that the new girl was miserable! And she should be.

el fuerte was k.o.! "NOO" new girl cry.

Keiko: *woodenly* Yeah, I'm sad for her, too.

she left ran fast out the stadium and was cry becaudse el fuerte was k.o.. eveyrone was shock. "ryu run after her." ruy ran!

Julia: Who's talking?
Amy: The wind that usually brushes past him in his win poses.
Juniper: Oh, so it's the announcer.

"hey r u ok/" said ryu to new girl. girl turn round and saw ryu and cry more because he cared abotu her enough to aks her wat wrong.

Kyo: Where's that cat? Hey, Goth Girl!
Cassy: *peeks into the living room* You rang?
Kyo: Yeah, where's your bag of razorblades?
Cassy: I gave them to the other Kyo, dude.
Kyo: Oh. Damn.
Cassy: Hey, they're not infinite! *as she leaves* Just whack whoever's whining with Amy's hammer or something.

"el fuerte not dead u no" ryu said to comfart.

Keiko: Exactly. He didn't fight Oni.

suddenly new girl leap into ryu arms and hug him and cry.

Juniper: Wait, so she enters a fighting tournament... and is shocked that people get hurt in them?
Julia: Wait until you tell her that lava is hot, Juniper. I'm sure she'll be absolutely amazed at that fact.

ryus face looked like wtf is going on but he kenw she was sad so he hug her back. ken walk ouyt. "HA HA HA RYU IS THAT UR GIRLFRIEND" ken laughed. ryu turn round do HADOKEN! it hit ken and ken fall down then ryu hug enw girl agian.

Kyo: *raises an eyebrow*
Amy: And Ryu's now hit with the OOC bug. Good work.

ken get up run over to ryu and girl but talk to ryu. "who is she newai?" he say.

Keiko: Somebody who needs to go away. She needs to go far away.

girl look up with big eyes and tears of blood down her pale face

Kyo: No, no, no... oh, no! No! Not this crap! Anything but this crap!

and say "mi name is Dusk.

Amy: *screams* Not another piece of garbage named Dusk! You will burn in Hell! *attempts to smash the screen with her Piko Piko Hammer*
Keiko: *picks Amy up, sets her on the couch* Calm down, Amy.
Amy: But you don't understand, Keiko! She needs to die!
Keiko: *is unfazed*
Amy: No, seriously! You don't understand!
Keiko: *still unfazed* Well, Kusanagi's right. LeMaire got to you.

im going 2 b a great strett fighter."

Julia: No, you won't. Shut up.

then ken lauigh quielty. "Dusk, u hav 2 not b so sad everytime some1 gets hurt."

Keiko: That's what we said... in a less sappy manner.

dusk wipe her tears. "i no..." she sayid, "i want revenge on zangief. sum1 needs 2 teach him sum manners..!" she say and get up. ryu get up too.

Juniper: Someone's lacking a funny bone.

"revenge is enver a good thing sudk.

Kyo: Well, she does suck.

u need 2 figtht for a worthy cause like ur contry." said ruy.

Amy: This is coming from the guy who fights to improve himself... and that's about it...

"ken y u fight?" "cuz its fun! ha hahaha" said ken. ryu punch ken in the tummy OOF! DUSK SMILE.

Keiko: I don't know what's going on now.

everyone walk out of stadium but el fuete. "where el fuerte?" asked ryu.

Julia: Probably dead, who cares?
Juniper: Jules, they just said that he wasn't dead.
Julia: Oh. Yeah, he's dead.
Juniper: *scowls*

ruy amnd ken and dusk went in the stadioum 2 look 4 el fuerte. where was he? they look everywhere. THERE HE IS! saw a foot sticking out of garbage can. Ryu pull out el fuerte from trash can. Ken laughed!

Juniper: Ken, you can do something else besides laughing.
Amy: Nope. He got hit by the OOC train, too.

EL Fuerte u ok? "urggh... wut happened?" el fuerte say. "zangief bet u and threw u 2 the trash hah ahaha" said ken.

Kyo: Great. So this fic just turned the "Red Cyclone" into a common street thug. Good to know.

"WHAT?" E; Fuerte was shock then took baanan peel off his shoulder and was upset that he was throwed awway. "grr that zangief... i'll get him!" "WOW EVERYOEN WANTS REVENGE ON ZANGIEF" Ken laugh!

Julia: *slaps Ken* Could you please stop laughing at everything?!
Keiko: I think he inhaled too much nitrous oxide before we began this riffing.

"wut do u mean?" el feurte reply. dusk said "i want to defert him!"

Juniper: Because he said one joke. Yeah, everything's hilarious until someone makes fun of the bland new girl.

el fuerte notice her for first time. they look into eachothers eyes for while. ERl Fuertes eyes were browen and almost golden with sparkels and pretty. Dusks eyses looked dead and gray-blue with no sparkls on them.

Amy: If I see one more dumb description like that, I'm going to order a pizza.
Kyo: Do it, Piko. I'm starving.

dusk look away and say 2 him "mmy names Dusk, im

Keiko: ...annoying.

new."

Keiko: Yeah, that works, too. *rolls her eyes*

"well the enemy on my emeny is mi amigo!" said el efuerte with a laugh.

Juniper: But... Zangief and Fuerte aren't enemies. What is this?
Julia: It's nonsense.

zabgief was outside happy about his win! tHat made Dusk and El Fuerte really mad. they were going to defeat him if it was the lats thing they do!

Amy: And then Akuma arrived and performed the Shun Goku Satsu on them. Mary Sues and people who are out of character were two of his biggest pet peeves. After that, he took a Hawaiian vacation.
Kyo: I wish that would happen.

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