Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 3: Love With Good Taste (Part One)

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Chapter 1

"Bulbasaur wait up!" I cried out as I stopped to catch my breath. I have no clue how she can run that fast, I guess being a Pokémon and all.

Tomoko: *claps slowly* Congratu-freaking-lations.

"Bulba" I heard a reply as I saw my little green friend in front of me. "Thanks for waiting" I smiled. Bulbasaur smiled back.

Miyuki: Well, I think I just got instant diabetes.
Sonia: Jumping the gun a little, aren't we?
Miyuki: Sorry.

The two of us were searching for our friend Pearl, we were all about to head out to the Unova region but of course he took of again. I swear someone needs to put a leash on that boy.

Sonia: He probably didn't like you.

"TOPAZ??" I heard a familiar cry as I turned around to see the blonde troublemaker. "Pearl where have you been, we have to get going the plane is about to board." I sighed.

Benimaru: Take off! Take off without her!
Sonia: She probably needed to sigh with that lack of a second comma there.

"Oh sorry, I was just getting some last minute training done." Pearl replied with his usual grin. "What sort of training?" I questioned disapprovingly.

Miyuki: *dumbfounded* Are you a frickin' dunce?
Sonia, Benimaru, Tomoko: Yes.

"Awe man why do you always have to think I'm up to no good?" Pearl whined. "Because you usually are…" I shot back.

Sonia: *woodenly* Oh, the humor.

Pearl was an interesting kid; I met him a while back whilst traveling in Sinnoh. He had just split up with his good friend Diamond who was staying with a girl named Platinum, seemed like there was something romantic going on between them. Ah so lucky, I wish on my journey I would run into a prince charming, someone who was a gentlemen yet at the same time had a playful side.

Tomoko: Is this Match.com: Pokémon Edition?
Benimaru: Probably. And of course, I wouldn't be surprised if she managed to run into her "Destined Love" in about... oh, two minutes.

But for now I am stuck with Pearl,

Sonia: For some odd reason, I wish that you were stuck to a Bouffalant.
Benimaru, Miyuki, Tomoko: A what?
Sonia: Oh, look it up.

okay so maybe I shouldn't put it like that, I mean I do have a little thing for him but he is just SO frustrating.

Benimaru: So you technically don't have a thing for him. Why are badly written women characters have to be so indecisive?
Tomoko: Hey, at least I know what I want.

"Yo Topaz shouldn't we get going?" Pearl asked. I looked down at his watch to see the time. "Yeah let's hurry!" I replied as we both took of to catch our plane to Unova. The Unova region was somewhere I was really looking forward to going to, after all it's the birth place of my profession.

Miyuki: Oh, here we go with the backstory...

You see I am a Pokémon Connoisseur, what I do is test the bonds and relations between a Pokémon and its trainer.

Benimaru: She better not be an A-class or an S-class Connoisseur.

So I have been traveling through the regions gaining an understanding on how different places produce different trainers and Pokémon. It has been really exciting.

Sonia: This sounds like some second grade essay. *as Topaz* I went to a lot of different regions. It was really great.

I am originally from a town called Viridian City in the Kanto region.

Miyuki: A town called Viridian City? Oh, that consistency must be off today.

My Bulbasaur was given to me by none other then Professor Oak himself.

All: *wearing dunce caps* No, really?

Professor Oak is a world famous Pokémon researcher,

Tomoko: *brushes herself off* Get your hands off of me. I don't need you to hold my hand.

when he heard that I wanted to be a Pokémon Connoisseur he gave me Bulbasaur so that I would have a Pokémon myself to bond with and to be my traveling companion.

All: *flatly* What.
Sonia: Unless you were starting out as a new trainer... then no.

He seems to be interested in my research so when I get back to Kanto I hope to have a whole bunch of new information for him.

Miyuki: Why is she starting to sound like she's more than a Connoisseur?
Benimaru: I don't know. Besides, it's way too early to even call her a Sue at the moment.

"I think we are getting close!" Pearl said anxiously. I looked out the window to see land, and I could not contain my excitement.

Benimaru: That is the fastest plane ride ever.
Sonia: I knew it. They're riding Sonic Airlines.

"I can't wait!" I cried out, "calm down you're turning into me" Pearl and I both laughed.

Tomoko: *laughs weakly, stops* Please kill me.

Once we had landed we decided to head out to Striaton City.

Sonia: If they landed in Mistralton City -- which would make the most sense because planes fly in and out of that city -- I'm going to choke somebody.
Miyuki: I'm afraid to find out the distance between those two cities.
Sonia: Trust me, it's a long distance.

This was where the head of the Pokémon Connoisseur union was. I had called ahead of time so they knew I was coming.

Tomoko: Oh, of course. She's always ready and wonderful... and she's all sunshine and flowers. *shudders like Sideshow Bob*

I have already received my degree in being a Connoisseur, I myself am in the A-Class

Benimaru: *facepalms* Wonderful.

but my dream is to be an S-Class and to be able to have my own shop in Kanto,

Sonia: Because that dream is original, don't you know.

I want the whole world to know the profession of a Connoisseur. It's interesting how I came about wanting to be a Connoisseur.

Miyuki: *moans* Oh, no...
Tomoko: She just loves to hear herself talk, huh?
Benimaru: Wait, we're going to go into a backstory... while we're already in a backstory?
Miyuki: Yo, dawg, I heard you like backstories!
Sonia: My head hurts now.

When I was little I came to the Unova region, I must have been around the age of 8 at the time. I met this boy in Striaton city and the two of us became friends, he told me all about being a connoisseur and how it was his dream to be the best in the world. He was such a kind person and truthfully one of the reasons I wanted to be one. He was my first love… I'm not going to tell Pearl this though, but I hope to find him when we get to Striaton.

Benimaru: *sighs* Oh, you'll find him. Trust me.
Tomoko: This stupid fairy tale love crap is driving me nuts.
Sonia: Oh, so now this girl will have at least two guys falling for her. Is this a stupid love triangle? What the heck is this?
Miyuki: I don't know, but I know it's going to make me fall asleep.

It had been a couple days of traveling but we were getting closer to Striaton City.

Sonia: Oh, just get there! Stop talking so much!
Miyuki: And my neck hurts for some reason.
Sonia: It's the time whiplash.

Pearl and I had just stopped for a lunch break. I had bought a few things in a town we had passed a while back. I wasn't the greatest chef in the world… Truthfully I suck! But at least I am better then Pearl, he just burns everything.

Miyuki: *sarcastically* Of course. Boys can't cook, they just burn everything.
Benimaru: *raises an eyebrow* Yeah. Sure.

We had all of our Pokémon out and they were enjoying some Pokémon food. My team consists of my Bulbasaur, a Jigglypuff which I caught at the base of Mt. Moon in the Kanto region. A Pichu I was joined by in the Johto region as well as a Jumpluff. In Sinnoh I caught a Drifloon, he can be a bit shy but either way I love all of my friends.

Tomoko: Translation: Cutesy shit.
Sonia: Hey, this is a fluff fic.
Tomoko: Fine. Cute crap.

Just then I heard some ruffling in the bushes. "What is that?" Pearl asked. "I guess it's a Pokémon" I replied as a cute little grey Pokémon came out of the bush. "IT'S SOOOOO CUTE!" I cried out as the Pokémon gave me a weird look.

Miyuki, Tomoko: *vomits in their own paper bags*
Sonia, Benimaru: *cringes*
Sonia: That cute overload really must be doing a number on them.
Benimaru: I... yeah, I can tell, Sonia.

"I think it's a Minccino" Pearl replied. "What a little cutie, would you like to join us for some lunch?" I asked. The Pokémon nodded with a smile in reply. "How cute is this little guy" I spoke with hearts in my eyes. "Cute, so why don't you try to catch it?" Pearl asked.

Sonia: Because it's cute. Yes, we got it, fic.

"Well I don't really know how… All of my Pokémon I have with me just decided to come with me… I never really have battled before, only in defense." I sighed.

Benimaru: *facepalms* Oh, my god. You went through how many regions again? And you don't know how to battle aside from defense? *sighs* I give up...

"They why not try now?" Pearl suggested. "I guess it couldn't hurt, Minccino… Would you like to battle me? I would really appreciate it." I bowed as the Pokémon chimed in reply.

Miyuki: In reality, that Minccino probably would've scratched her face.

"Thank you so much!" I gleamed as I then turned to my Pokémon, "who wants to battle?" I asked. They all looked at me with a confused look on their face… I guess like me they have no idea what they are doing.

Tomoko: Because you've kept them in Happy Land for too long, you little gnat.

"Bulba" Bulbasaur replied. "Thank you Bulbasaur…" I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

Miyuki, Tomoko: *annoyed* Oh, my god.
Sonia: This is just sad now.

"You don't have to cry over it" Pearl sighed. "Hey this is a touching moment for me!" I yelled back.

All: Oh, shut it, you!

"Fine fine do whatever you want." Pearl continued to sigh. "Okay Bulbasaur let's start off with…. Er… what were your attacks now?" I questioned.

All: *double facepalms, groans*
Benimaru: It's her starter. Her... starter. She doesn't know her starter's moves.
Sonia: This is incredibly horrific.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Pearl yelled.

Miyuki: Glad you know how we feel, Pearl.

"Ehehe… Sorry, wait I know use Leach Seed" I commanded as Bulbasaur then used the attack. Minccino was now surrounded by a leach seed which was slowly draining its power. Just then it curled its ears down and produced a loud sound from its mouth sending Bulbasaur flying. "Bulbasaur are you okay?" I asked, Bulbasaur then jumped right back into battle. "Use Energy Ball" I knew this attack would work.

Sonia: This person who knows nothing about battling suddenly knows all of this stuff? Oh, I give up.

Bulbasaur had used it once when defending me from a wild Pokémon.

Tomoko: *rubs her neck* Damn it! What the hell was that?!
Sonia, Benimaru: Time whiplash.

Minccino was hit and was thrown back and hit a tree. "Minccino!" I cried out as I ran after it. "Idiot this is where you throw a ball" Pearl belted. "I know but I have to make sure it is okay first." I replied as I held Minccino in my arms.

Miyuki: This girl's dumber than Ash Ketchum. *thinks for a moment* Wait, how is that even possible?!
Sonia: I don't know, but it is.

"You will never learn…" Pearl sighed once again. "Are you okay Minccino?" I asked. "Min min" Minccino replied. "I'm glad… I'm so sorry I hurt you; this is why I don't like to battle…

Tomoko: Oh, you damn pacifists and your cutesy Happy Land nonsense... *grumbles*

But if you come with me I promise to take good care of you!" I smiled, Minccino nodded. "It's great to have you on the team" I smiled again as I pulled out a Poke Ball and tapped it to Minccino's head. She was then caught in the ball. "Take a good rest" I spoke as I held the ball to my chest.

Sonia: That would've made a lot more sense... if she had used a Heal Ball!

"Well you caught it but… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Pearl cried out.

Miyuki: Her stupid Love Powers of Love. Trademark.

"Ehehe that is how I catch Pokémon… I'm sorry" I bowed, "you don't have to apologize" Pearl spoke as he patted me on the head. I felt my face get hot. "Okay…" I blushed.

Benimaru: Good dog. *pauses* Eh... that riff made me uncomfortable there.

Alright back to food!" Pearl dashed over to his seat to continue eating. I didn't care about that; after all I had a new friend.

Tomoko: Oh, good. Now you all can make paper chain links and decorate yourselves with them.
Miyuki: What the heck are you talking about?
Tomoko: I don't know, Fujiwara. I've given up a long time ago.

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Continue to Part Two
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