Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Three Riffers, Episode 8: The New Girl (KRZR24 version) (Part Eleven)

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Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18!! CURRENTLY HERE!! TWO CHAPTERS LEFT!!

Miyu: Oh, so they're almost done with this fic? I wonder why they needed us again.
Manic: Two words: Domestic abuse.
Sonia: And it was supposed to be funny. It only angered them.
Miyu: Oh, my.

Don't own The Notebook, or any character other than Sasha, Xavier/Fabian, or Joe. SEGA owns the rest.

And next chapter/story, I'm gonna try to make the characters less OOC. Feel free to send me tips on how to do that.

Sonia: Now the Suethor wants to make them less OOC. Know what a good tip would be? Delete this fic and start from scratch. Oh, and make sure that your horrible Mary Sue isn't in the rewrite.
Manic: But she's lovable!
Sonia: She made Amy go nuclear. She needs to go to Siberia and stay there, Manic.
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Siberia doesn't even want her.

Blaze's POV

After Shadow found out that I loved The Notebook,

Sonia: That overrated movie?

he started making some plans. I heard this from Amy, who looked so happy when she told me, that she looked like she was about to explode. I tried to squeeze more out of her, but her lips were sealed.

Later, he called and asked if I was free this Saturday. Unless Eggman attacked,

Miyu: We're mentioning Eggman this late into the fic?
Manic: We're finally getting a plot this late into the fic?
Sonia: Way too late for this fic. Reminds me of when "A Story of Destined Love" smashed Kusanagi near the end of the fic because a "real plot" was needed.

I was. He said, to wear something casual, and that left me wondering.

As you can guess, that Saturday, Sasha, Rouge, and I were freaking out about what I should wear (Amy was with Sonic at the hospital. Still. Like, she never left. But Sasha did tell me all the details. SCORE ONE FOR AMY!!)

Manic: Yay, let's ignore the fact on why he's in the hospital to begin with! Freaking over what clothes we should wear is more important!
Miyu: This is incredibly vapid. These people are vapid. Why should we care about these vain people?
Sonia: Must be a different set of "Eight Deadly Words".
Manic: Heh.

We spent hours trying to guess what would be considered casual, and what wouldn't. Finally, we found the perfect outfit. It was a Navy Hollister Whispering Sands , with a white Hollister Point Loma tank, Abercrombie Jordan shorts, and black AE rhinestone flip-flops.

Miyu: *removes her beret, begins to nibble on the beret's designer flower* This is more interesting than this fic.
Sonia: This is truly the most vapid fic that I've... no, we've ever read.
Manic: Damn. You're not even this obnoxious when it comes to designer clothing, sis.
Sonia: And they spent hours on this crap? I can whip up a better outfit in twenty minutes!

Obviously, Sasha and Rouge weren't the only people who thought that this was the best outfit. Shadow was literally drooling after a couple seconds.

Miyu: Is this a self-insert fic?
Manic: I don't know. I don't care, either. This fic's dumb.

It took him a while to realize that I noticed this, and then he gave me flowers. FLOWERS!! I'm not a flower girl, so I didn't know what they were, but they were pretty.

Sonia: He probably gave you a couple of corpse flowers.

And normally, I'm not the type of girl to freak out over what guys do, but Shadow is totally different. HE RESERVED A WHOLE MOVIE THEATER ROOM JUST FOR HIM AND ME TO WATCH THE NOTEBOOK. HOW SWEET IS THAT!! AND HE GOT ME A WHOLE BOX OF STARBURST AND ONE OF SKITTLES, MY FAVORITE TYPES OF CANDY!!

Sonia: *rolls her eyes*
Miyu: *continues nibbling on her beret flower*
Manic: Suethor's just projecting her likes onto the characters, isn't she?
Miyu: Probably.

Now, all I need to do is find out who snitched to him about all this stuff. It was probably Amy.

Manic: What if it was the Sue?
Miyu: Then she's not going to the hospital. The Sue's special.
Sonia: Then I'll be sure to give her a special laser show... to the back of her head.

Shadow's POV

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I didn't know Amy. For example, the minute she found out that both Blaze and I liked The Notebook, she confronted me and told me that I should ask her out on a date to see it. Preferably, in a rented out movie room. And when meeting with Blaze, I should have flowers. Lilies, carnations, and purple asters preferred. (Originally, I was going to take Blaze to Saw V,

Manic: Why? This fic's basically the same as "Saw"! It's horrific, just like "Saw"!
Sonia: I wish that Sonic was in this room, just so I could see his reaction to jinxing himself.

because I had been really wanting to see the movie (Sonic: Sure, that's what they all say. . .),

Miyu: Shut up, Fake Sonic. *suddenly confused* Wait, isn't he supposed to be in the hospital?
Sonia: Don't tell the Suethor about her inconsistencies. This fic's a jumbled mess, anyway.

but Amy nearly killed me. Even though seeing blood, guts, wounds, bruises, and other things of the sort on a daily basis,

Manic: Uh-oh, our Amy got to the Sue.
Sonia: What do you mean, "uh-oh"? That sounds like wonderful news!

Blaze is terrified of scary movies such as these.

Miyu: Because girls hate horror movies.
Manic: This fic is full of bad clichés.

And according to Amy, if I had asked her, she would have said yes, and then would not have been able to fall asleep for a couple years. . .if she was lucky.)

Manic: Just do a Vulcan pinch on her. That helps.

Next, her cousin Xavier, who came from where Sasha lived,

Sonia: Well, duh! The Sue and her brother are siblings! There's a high chance that they'd live in the same area!
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* So... they came from Hell?
Manic: Well, we know that one half did.

hooked us up with an advanced set of Bluetooth headsets, so that she could hear everything I'm saying, and I could hear everything she's saying. He also gave me a mini-camera to stick on somewhere in the theater so that Amy could see what was happening. I managed to put it on the seat two rows behind us.

Sonia: You know, this is supposed to make everyone quirky, but it's just making me hate them even more. Spying, felonies, assault... why am I supposed to care about these people?

The movie started, but all I could think about was Blaze. The way her eyes watered when Alice's parents told her she was not allowed to go to Noah, when Noah decided to. . .never mind. I don't want to spoil it for you. But you get the idea.

Miyu: I don't care.

Before I could get completely lost in her eyes however, Amy whispered into my ear, "DO IT!!" Blaze started, but when she looked around, she saw nothing out of the ordinary. Her gaze went back to the movie screen, and then I knew; it was time to do the infamous move. You know, the one when the guy yawns, and he puts his hand around the girl's shoulder. Yeah, that one.

Manic: Prepare for "comedy".
Miyu: *flatly* I can't wait.

I didn't know how she would react to it though. I mean, sometimes the girl slaps the guy's arm, and then moves to the next seat. You never know. And then, she could label me as a sketch, and avoid me for the rest of her life. To state the obvious, that would not be a good thing.

Sonia: What is with this stupid slang? What the hell is "a sketch"?
Manic: A creep.
Sonia: Then why the hell didn't he just say that?!
Manic: Because we had to be hip and radical, sis! Hang ten! *waits for a high five from Sonia*
Sonia: *frowns*
Manic: *as he puts his hand down* ...I'm sad now.

Somehow, I mustered the courage to do it, and she actually reacted positively to it. She moved closer to me, and lay her head on my shoulder.

I literally blanked out. I mean, I haven't had anyone do this for a while ever since Maria died. Actually, there was that time that Amy tried to make Sonic jealous of me. She informed me about it, and then when she tried it, nothing happened. Mr. Oblivious didn't even notice.

Miyu: Why is everyone blanking out when someone's kissing or doing something else that's romantic? Did a neuralizer hit them while they were being romantic?
Manic: *sarcastically* Yes, because those details are icky!

Blaze's POV

I was so shocked that Shadow did that. (Not that I minded.) He seems like the reserved type of guy who would never do such a thing. But, as I said earlier, I didn't mind.

Sonia: No, you thought that. Then you said it.

In fact, if he was going to do that, he chose just the right moment. Noah and Alice were meeting for what could have possibly been their last time, and it was just such a cute moment to do that.

Miyu: Unfortunately, we're more interested in the movie than the characters.
Manic: Can I riff on that film? It'll be a lot more fun than riffing this fic!

Now, you may ask why I decided to respond to that. Well, looking back at it, I really don't know. It just seemed. . .right at the time.

Sonia: Know what else would be right? If this chapter abruptly ended.

I was kind of nervous though when Shadow didn't react. I mean, it was like he didn't know what to do. I felt bad for the guy, and started thinking of this way to try to take it back, so he would feel less uncomfortable, when I swear, I heard this loud whisper. It was like someone was in the theater room, but when I looked around, no one was there. I was kind of nervous, because scary movies start just like this, where the girl and her boyfriend are alone in a dark room, watching a movie. Then the girl thinks she hears something, and the guy doesn't, and this happens repeatedly, until the killer shows himself, and they both die a long and painful death, and then the girl's friends come in to check on her, and then. . .

I'll stop now.

Sonia: No, no, keep going! In fact, that's what I want to see!

But, it stopped, and I was able to relax and finish the movie on a happy note. Shadow decided to move in closer and then, through instinct I guess (or maybe that since I really don't like scary movies, I go to the romantic ones instead),

Manic: Because she's a girl!
Sonia: This fic really loves its stupid gender stereotypes. The girls only care about their stupid brand name clothing and hooking up with boys, the boys only care about their "property" and their penises. This is the emptiest fic that I have ever seen, and I'm only a backup riffer!
Miyu: I'm sort of happy that we are. I mean, could you imagine what would happen if we had to sit through this entire fic?
Manic: Man, I'd throw myself out of the window.
Miyu: Don't. Mr. Kusanagi's still out there, and he will throw you back inside.

I placed my head on his shoulder. And it basically stayed that way for the rest of the movie.

When he dropped me off, I decided to give him a hug. Nothing really special. He was kind of surprised, (never under estimate element 119; the element of surprise)

Miyu: Oh, look. A badly done science joke regarding the Periodic Table. *weakly laughs, stops* Stop.

but he went with the flow. And that's how my date with Shadow the Hedgehog ended.

Sonia: *flatly* Yay. *to Manic* Are we done with this crap yet?
Manic: Nope. It was short enough for us to get another chapter.
Miyu: *weakly* Yay.

TWO CHAPTERS LEFT (I'm not kidding this time. I'm dead serious.) I'm going to speed type as fast as possible, but please be patient. Au revoir, et a plus tard. (Correct my French if I got it wrong.)

Miyu: "Goodbye, and later." Huh... isn't that redundant?
Sonia: I hope that your boyfriend doesn't teach her.
Miyu: He'd be too busy swearing at this fic in French to bother!

Chapter 19

I"M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!! And with my second to last chapter. On we go!

SEGA owns all characters save Joe (I'M NOT A PLUMBER, DAMN IT!!), Xavier, and Sasha.

Sonia: *weakly laughs* Oh, look. An attempted political joke regarding Joe the Plumber. *stops laughing* It failed.
Manic: Might as well stick to what she knows.
Sonia: And what's that?
Manic: Nothin'.
Sonia: *elbows Manic* Oh, stop!

Fabian/Xavier's POV

Really and truly, I am regretting coming here.

Miyu: I'm regretting taking my cousin's place for this.

Although I have had the opportunity to stay with my dear cousin Amy, and have received a free video game out of this, I do not enjoy being hated by the most famous person on the planet, and his two equally intimidating comrades.

Sonia: Number one, they're all morons, and number two... I thought that Sonic was in the hospital. How did he get out? There was absolutely no mention of him being discharged!
Manic: Y'know... I'm stunned. How do you screw up a fic that has literally nothing for a plot?
Miyu: By writing useless and childish nonsense?
Manic: Pretty much!

And although Sasha promised that I would not get battered, I have found that Sasha's promises tend to be empty.

Sonia: And yet you still went with that psychopath's boneheaded plan. You're an idiot.

(Had I not been equipped with jet pack that can almost travel at the speed of sound, I would have not returned home in one piece the day I told Sasha's nefarious boyfriend Josh that they were "over".) Nevertheless, I wanted the video game with a passion, so I was willing to sell my soul to the devil.

Miyu: What is with this family? He has a Jell-o spine, and she needs to be burned at the stake like the witch that she is! Why are these people so stupid and unlikable?
Sonia: Unfortunately, I can't answer that question for you, Miyu.

I was strolling through what the locals call "Twinkle Park", when I was stopped by an unrecognizable fellow. Upon further notice, I realized that he was one of the very intimidating fellows who was friends with Sonic the Hedgehog. Due to the platinum sheen coming off his fur, I think it was safe to say that this was "Silver".

Manic: Man, what're you, a robot? Tails doesn't even talk like this!
Miyu: This guy sounds incredibly pretentious.

He was scowling, and I was slightly nervous. If Sasha had ever mentioned to you that I did karate, it was a total lie. I did an animation program that taught you how to make your character do certain actions, including karate, but I never did it myself. In order to put it in teenage speech, I was "screwed".

Sonia: Someone deprogram this ninny. I think that he has a virus.
Manic: No, sis... he is the virus.

Instead of beginning through speech, he immediately shoved me to the ground. Before I could rise again, he threw me forty feet onto a brick wall.

Manic: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dumbass.

I had barely moved when he had lifted me up into the air, and I crashed down to the ground, face down. Although my reaction time is quite fast (being a "nerd" in high school tends to give you the ability to move quite quickly when necessary to avoid bullies (it also helps if your older sister is among the most popular people in the whole school)),

Miyu: This fic really is full of boring stereotypes. No wonder it's so terrible. We really must be reading a self-insert fic here. I mean, think about it! She's popular, everyone loves her, she acts like a jerk to the characters that the Suethor probably hates and gets away with it... there's no way that this Sue isn't an insert.
Sonia: Unfortunately, we can't confirm that unless we have written proof. So it's just a guess at best.

nothing could have prepared me for this. Ten seconds into the brawl, and I was ready to give up. He was about to attack me again, when out of the blue, a guardian angel came to save me. Normally, I wouldn't call my sister a guardian angel, especially due to the fact that I wouldn't have even be in this situation in the first place. But, beggars can't be choosers.

Sonia: "Guardian angel"? Are you sure that you didn't misspell "Satan's STD infected sperm"?
Miyu: Oh, my... Sonia!
Manic: Yeah, she's fired up here.

Many times, Sasha has been told to pursue the career of acting. She can range from any form of emotions in a matter of seconds, and it is very hard to distinguish whether or not she is faking them, unless one has lived with her for a long period of time. Even our parents have trouble putting the difference between whether she is faking something or not.

Sonia: Know who else did that "should be an actress" bullshit? Kira. And we also hated her guts. But we have never hated her as much as we hate this selfish, emotionally manipulative, vapid, abusive, and downright insufferable form of walking pubic lice!
Manic: "Walking pubic lice"?! *laughs loudly*
Miyu: *as she cleans her glasses lenses* No wonder Amy and Sonia are one and the same sometimes.

So it was actually surprising that there when she started crying, those were raw emotion on her face. It seemed as though she was shocked to see me injured by this unknown fellow.

Manic: *as Xavier, adjusts a monocle* Why, I do say that I seem to have lost this game of sudden fisticuffs! May I have a spot of tea while someone tends to my unfortunate physical state?
Sonia: Why should we care about her emotions when she never cared about anyone else's? I'm sorry, but you can't make me feel sorry for her. Especially since she was the one who put her brother in that situation! Sure, he was an idiot for agreeing to do that stupid role, but it's her fault that she let him get hurt like that!
Miyu: So, um... why are we supposed to like her again?
Manic: I have no idea.

Sasha's POV

Manic: Oh, great. Now we gotta listen to the selfish sociopath.

After Blaze got back from her date with Shadow, I decided to take a walk around the park in this place, to think about what was going on.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Wait, she can think?

Everything was perfect for everyone, except for me.

Sonia: Yeah, how dare you not get everything that you want immediately, you walking corn filled piece of fecal matter?
Manic: Wow, you're being incredibly mean, sis.
Sonia: I don't care. I hate her.

Even little Cream had Tails wrapped around her finger.

Manic: This really is a vapid little piece of fanfic, ain't it?
Miyu: Remind me to never mention that sentence to Cousin Tails.
Manic: Got it.

But no matter what I did, nothing worked with Silver. I was considering giving up (unlike Amy, I tend not to continue chasing after a guy when there are multiple dead ends; however, somehow she managed to cut through the woods behind the last house on the end of the street.),

Sonia: And yet, Amy's considered to be the "dense" one of the two. Pardon?
Miyu: Also, Sue... stop trying to use metaphors. They're not making you sound any smarter.
Manic: This is the same Sue who thought that she was smart because she was yammering about "Romeo and Juliet" earlier.
Miyu: So... not only is this fic vapid... it's trying to sound "smart" at the same time. Oh, dear, dear, dear... *shakes her head* I have no words.

when I heard the sounds of someone fighting. Not wanting to miss it, I hurried, taking out the bag of popcorn that I just bought (hey, you never know).

Sonia: Here, have a seat. Because you really need to sit down, shut the hell up, and learn what humor is. Because I'm tired of this random crap that thinks that it's humor.

When I got there, I was shocked to see that Silver was attacking Xavier.

Manic: Why are you shocked? Your actions just got another person hurt! Of course you won't be called out for it, because you're a Sue.
Miyu: She really is a manipulative and evil thing, isn't she?
Sonia: Incredibly evil.

I was kind of shocked for two seconds before I ran in. Knowing that Silver would probably react the most strongly if I started crying, I started the water works. However, in the middle, I actually started really crying, cause it was my fault that this happened.

Sonia: And she finally acknowledges one of her many deranged actions! Now how about you confess to the rest, Mary Sue?
Manic: Nope. She's not doin' that.
Sonia: She has to realize that this entire thing is her fault. This incident would not exist if she never did that stupid and pointless operation.
Miyu: Let's see... it caused Sonic and Silver to literally fight over Amy, and turned both of them into "Nice Guys" in the process, too. And there's also the incident where it caused Sonic to accidentally kiss the Sue... and she put him in the hospital for that. This whole plan was a giant mess! And she caused it!
Manic: Yeah, and she wanted to see her brother get into a fight with Sonic much earlier, and she said that she didn't want his opponent to be Silver. And now she's probably crying over it because it's not the fight that she wanted. Man, she's never going to get any karma for this.
Sonia: Well, karma's a real bitch. It's going to catch up to her.

I then turned with a fierce expression of rage towards Silver, getting ready to beat the hell out of him.

Then it happened.

Sonia: The fic ended, good riddance.

Silver's POV

To state the obvious, I was fucked.

Manic: Yeah, because you're in this fic!

Sure, I had beaten up this punk, and he was really regretting taking my girl away from me,

Miyu: *coldly* If you never started dating... then she isn't "your girl".
Manic: This fic and practically everyone in it sucks.

but something went wrong. Sasha showed up. And to make stuff worse, she was crying over the guy. Even better? Now, she was really pissed. Everyone but Amy, Cream, Tails, and the press knew the REAL reason why Sonic was in the hospital, and everyone period knew that Sonic the Hedgehog never got bruises or anything broken before. Ever.

Manic: Someone needs to rat that Sue out. I want to see the pitchforks and torches.
Miyu: I sure hope that a world crisis doesn't arrive and they need him. She'll be the reason why the world ended.
Sonia: That world needs to end, because it's beyond saving.

So before she could do anything to me, I decided to save my sorry ass. . .

Sonia: And he's the bad guy. Not the Sue for this disaster that she called an "operation".
Manic: Operation Clusterfuck.
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* That's not how you say "Street Fighter V", Manic.
Manic: Ha!

What is Silver's drastic measure?

Miyu: Running like heck!

How does it help him get out of this huge hole he got into? Does it even help?

Manic: No, really... why is it Silver's fault that the Sue did this?
Sonia: Because the moron with a deflated football for a brain can't take responsibility for her actions.

And how am I going to finish this story in one last chapter?????????

Sonia: Why not delete it and start over? This entire fic is a mess.

All these questions and more will be answered in the FINAL CHAPTER OF THE NEW GIRL!!!!

Until then, R + R.

KRZR24

Manic: I can see why Amy kept chugging the Bleepka.
Miyu: No kidding.
Sonia: I would say that I'd love to see this horrible "plan" blow up in her face, but of course, bad writers always let their horrible Sues and Stus get away with everything.
Miyu: Those three have one last hill to climb.
Manic: And it's proably riddled with bombs and spikes. That's how bad this fic is.
Sonia: *sighs* This fic can't end soon enough for them.

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