Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Three Riffers, Episode 6: My Real Love

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SonAmy: My Real Love

Rory: It's probably real fake, considering the story that we have.

I know I wrote alot of SonAmy stories. I'm a huge fan of SonAmy.

Tails: There's nothing wrong with that, actually.

And one more thing, I don't hate Sally.

Manic: Yeah, but there's something wrong with that.

I don't own Sonic or related characters.

Manic: *inserts canned "Thank Goodness!" riff here*

Sonic the blue hedgehog was in his room; sobbing for what his girlfriend Sally did to him.

Tails: *sarcastically* Well, we're off to a wonderful start here.

"H-H-How c-c-could she d-do th-this to me?" Sonic sobs hard; he could feel his heart breaking into pieces. He and Sally became a couple for three months.

And right now, it wasn't going very well. He didn't want to remember for what Sally did.

Rory: Let me guess. She cheated on him because she's a "whore" or some other lame word.

(Flashback)

Sonic was on his way to Sally's house; in his hand were some pretty flowers, for his girlfriend.

Manic: *removes his dunce cap* No, I could've sworn that they were for the guy who runs the shop down the corner.

Once he found Sally's house, he walks up to the door to knock. But all of sudden, he heard a moan and kissing sounds.

Sonic was so shocked; is Sally cheating on him?

All: *staring at the screen*
Rory: *slack-jawed* Weren't we just basically told that Sally was cheating on Sonic?
Manic: More or less, yeah. And this fic is really going out of its way to insult our intelligence, isn't it?
Tails: *while opening a program on his Miles Electric* Yeah, pretty much.

"No, no, it can't be…" Sonic looks through the window; he saw his girlfriend was making out with a brown hedgehog.

This made his heart stop, he couldn't believe this. How could Sally cheat on him?

Tails: Because the story said so.

Sonic loved her so much, but she betrayed him by kissing another guy. Sonic couldn't take this anymore; he rips up the flowers and throws it on the ground.

He had tears in his eyes, he ran off.

(End of Flashback)

Rory: Yeah, uh... I'm pretty sure they were doin' more than kissing if they couldn't see him ripping up some flowers and running off.

Sonic's heart was in so much pain. He wanted to die; he dashed to the kitchen and takes out a sharp knife.

As he was about to stab himself; he heard a knock on the door. He ignored it and focuses on killing himself.

Tails: Uh...
Manic: You're gonna kill yourself over a three month relationship?
Rory: Why not? Bella Swan tried it and look where it got her.
Manic: It got her ultimate Mary Sue powers, Rory.

All of a sudden, the door busts. It was Amy Rose, the pink stalker that chases Sonic.

Tails: *sarcastically* Yeah, that's a completely flattering description of Amy, author. Are you sure that you like writing about Sonic and Amy?

She quickly ran into the kitchen and saw Sonic with a knife. She knew what he was going to do; she ran to him and kicked the knife out of his hand.

Rory: Amy knows martial arts, huh?
Manic: That's what happens when you constantly riff with a bunch of other fighters.

"Sonic! Are you crazy? Why would you do that?" Amy yelled at him.

Rory: Yes, and... well... because he's pretty much OOC.

She noticed that he had tears in his eyes. He looked so sad and heartbroken.

All: *removes their dunce caps*

"S-Sonic…are you okay? You look…..sad" Amy said, she went up to him, giving him a hug.

*A giant paper dunce cap covers the three riffers.*
Tails: *sighs in annoyance, focuses on his Miles Electric*
Manic: Man, this is stupid.
Rory: *as he tears through the cap with his light spear* You're telling me. I should divide this paper later; it'll save me some money for some blueprints.

Sonic sobs quietly; he hugs her tightly, since he needed comfort.

Manic: *annoyed* Okay, author. You wanna stop holding our hands now?! Jesus!
Tails: Jesus isn't available right now...

"Sonic, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Amy asked in concern.

Sonic didn't respond, he buries his head on her shoulder.

Amy didn't hear him respond. She picks him up in bridle style. Sonic didn't know that she was strong to carry him. He shrugs off and held onto her neck.

Manic: When did Amy turn into Sonia?
Rory: I think she did strength training with your sister. Maybe that's why she can swing heavy hammers with little effort now.

She brings him to his room, and gently places him on the bed. She then sat next to him; Sonic clings on her, wanting someone to comfort him. He sobs on her shoulder, pulling her close.

"Sonic…..Sonic, please tell me what's wrong?" Amy pleaded, wanting to know what's wrong with him.

"…..Sally…..she….with another…..guy….." Sonic murmurs, still sobbing again.

Tails: Look, there's nothing wrong with a guy crying.
Rory: It's just awkward 'cause Sonic's bawling.

"Sally was with another guy?" Amy asked.

"…yeah…" Sonic said quietly. He rested his head on her shoulder, closing his eyes.

"When did this happen?" Amy stroking his quills to relax him.

"2 hours ago" Sonic said. He stopped crying, but he still had some tears on his cheeks.

Manic: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was for more than two hours, dude.

"Do you still love her?"

"…I don't know…..I….thought she loved me so much…..but she lied" Sonic's tear slid down his cheek, "It hurts…it really hurts….." Sonic whispered to himself.

"What hurts?" Amy asked, rubbing his back softly.

"My heart…I feel so heartbroken…it hurts…" Sonic said. He sniffles a little.

Rory: He wrote that in his LiveJournal, didn't he?
Tails: Isn't that out of date?
Manic: Yeah, every "hipster" kid writes in their Tumblr nowadays, I think.
Rory: Not really.

"Shh…relax Sonic" Amy still rubbing his back to calm him. She knew that he was heartbroken, and he needed comfort.

Tails: *irritated* We. Know.
Rory: Author, you just told us that he was heartbroken like... three times now! Look, I may get this "I'm so slow to the punch" stuff from Mai a lot, but I don't need it from you!

"….I don't know, Ames…..no one loves me….I just want to die…." Sonic said with a hiccup.

Manic: *sighs, rings a bell*
Cassy: *peeks in* You rang?
Manic: Yeah. You got your bag of razorblades with you?
Cassy: Yep! *tosses the bag to Manic* Enjoy, dude!
Manic: Thanks.
Rory: *picks up a razorblade, tosses it at the screen*
Manic: Whoa, Rory. You're really annoyed, huh?
Rory: Yes. Yes, I freakin' am.

"Don't say that Sonic. There's someone who still loves you" Amy said, pulling away from the hug.

"Who?" Sonic sniffles. Amy smiles at him, drying off his sad tears.

Tails: *without looking up from his Miles Electric* It's her.

"Me" Amy answered. Sonic's eyes were wide open.

Tails: Duh.
Rory: And why the hell is he surprised?
Manic: I think we have the "Sonic '06" version of him with us again. He's just so deaf, dumb, and blind.
Tails: Mostly dumb.

"You? But I thought you had a fangirl crush on me" Sonic thought. But Amy shook her head 'no'

Rory: Does this doofus know what the word "crush" means?
Manic: Nope. That's why we're here, man.

"I don't have a fangirl crush on you, Sonic. I truly love you when we first met. You rescued me from Metal Sonic, back then. I realized that my heart found my true love. It was you" Amy said.

"Really?" Sonic was surprised.

Tails: *still fiddling with his Miles Electric* Uh-huh. Yep.
Rory: *tilts his head back* Gah.
Manic: *as Sonia* This is incredibly nonsensical and contrived.

"Mmhmm. I wanted to impress you, but you were with Sally. So I didn't want to ruin your relationship with her. So I decided to let you be happy with her" Amy said.

"So you stopped chasing me?"

"Yeah. And I still love you. I just thought you hated me for chasing you. So I stopped. " Amy said, as her ears droop down.

"That's not true, Ames. I like it when you chase me" Sonic said.

Tails: *drops his Miles Electric* What?!
Manic: *stunned* Huh?!
Rory: *double facepalms* Did he just say that it was okay that she stalked him?!
Tails: *picks up his Miles Electric* Yes. Yes, he did.
Manic: No wonder we have so many messed up people today. "Oh, is that person stalking you? Then it must be true love!"
Rory: Can I go bathe with sulfuric acid now?
Manic: Nah, dude. That's for later.

"What? But-"

"I wanted someone to run with me, to increase my running. Whenever you chase me, I noticed how fast you were going. I decided that I want you to become like me. These past years, you were really fast" Sonic smiles.

Manic: Okay, now you can bathe in that stuff, Rory.
Rory: Thank you. I'll do it after the riffing.
Tails: *puts his Miles Electric aside* Did he... did he just turn the stalking into an excuse?! I cannot believe this author.
Manic: Now, I'm sure that's not what she intended to write--
Tails: Sorry to interrupt you, Manic. But it's just... it just feels like an excuse. Anything that Amy does is good or excused in this fic. Everything that Sally does in this fic is supposed to be terrible.
Manic: Well, we are supposed to admonish her for her cheating...
Tails: I get that. But it doesn't make any sense to me. I just think that the author hates Sally and just wanted to make her do horrible things to Sonic.
Manic: *frowns a bit* Yeah. I see your point, Tails. A lot of badfic authors hate her.
Rory: *as he's getting the acid* Reminds me of that fic that Cassy riffed with her pals. Sally apparently used Sonic for his popularity and crap like that.

"Really?"

"Yeah. And I'm really sorry for running away from you. I'm such a jerk to you, Ames" Sonic said with his ears down in ashamed.

Rory: Remember, kids! Stalking is love! Is that person you like avoiding you? Keep stalking them until they say yes! And find their addresses and stuff! Stalk them to their houses, too!
Manic: *turns to the audience* Seriously, don't do that, people.

"You're not a jerk, Sonikku" Amy said, rubbing his cheek with her hand.

Tails: *tersely* Minus a million points for the use of "Sonikku".
Manic: So... we're at negative three million? I've also subtracted two million for the accidental "stalking is love" message.
Tails: Fair enough.

Sonic smiles and closed his eyes, purring and rubbing on her hand.

Rory: Do we really purr, Manic?
Manic: *shrugs* I dunno...
Tails: *looks it up* Huh. Hedgehogs do purr when they're happy.
Rory: Well, I've learned something new today.

"You're better now. I guess I'll go now" Amy was about to leave, but Sonic grabbed her. He pulled her close, and kissed her on the lips.

Amy was so surprised at what he's doing. He's kissing her for real.

Manic: *sighs in boredom* No duh.

Amy waited all these years for her first kiss from Sonic. She closed her eyes and kissed him back. Sonic wrapped his arms around her waist.

Amy put her arms on his neck; as they kissed passionately.

Sonic slid his tongue on her lips, asking for entrance. Amy opened her mouth to let his tongue in; their tongues danced.

As their tongues danced, they moaned.

Rory: Well, looks like Sonic bounced back from his suicidal depression pretty freakin' quickly, huh?
Tails: And this scene is so boring. "As they did this, this happened. As that happened, that happened." Just... what?

They needed oxygen, so they broke the kiss; panting a little.

Manic: Y'know, if they sucked face any harder, they'd choke on each other's faces.

"I love you Amy" Sonic whispers in her face.

"I love you too, Sonikku" Amy said sweetly.

Tails: *stares at the screen with an unamused look on his face*
Rory: *hugs his Extreme Gear board* And I love you, Light Soul.
Manic: *tilts Rory's board back and forth to make it look like it's nodding to him*

Just then, they heard a knock on the door.

(Since that Amy broke Sonic's front door; the person is now inside Sonic's house).

All: *stares at the screen*
Tails: *facepalms* There can't be a knock on the door if there is no door, author.
Rory: I'll bet my board that it's Sally. You know she needs to be bashed by the author -- I mean, Amy.
Manic: Nah, you were right the first time, man.

"Sonic, are you in here?" it was Sally.

Rory: What do I win?
Tails: Not a new car, we know that much.

"Shit. She's here" Amy whispers quietly.

"Don't worry. I'll get rid of her. Hid in my closet so that she won't see you" Sonic whispers to Amy. She nods and tip toes quietly to Sonic's closet. She hides herself in the closet and closed the closet door quietly.

Once that Sonic checks to see that Amy is in his closet, he walks up to his door to open it.

Tails: Author. Do you want to stop holding our hands now?
Rory: This makes me want to go into the nearest closet... so I can bang my head against the door.
Manic: Don't try that, R. Kelly.

"Sonic, I found these flowers near my door. Was it from you?" Sally asked. As she showed him the ruined flowers.

Tails: *removes the period after "asked" and makes the "a" in "as" a small letter* It's not written terribly, but this author still needs a beta reader.

"Yes" Sonic said coolly.

"And why are they destroyed?" Sally asked him.
"You want to know?" Sonic asked her. She nods.

Rory: *yanks out the flashback and holds it up* That's what freakin' happened.

"Well then, I was heading to your house to give you flowers. As I was about to knock, I heard moaning. Do you know what that means?" Sonic glares at Sally. Sally's eyes were wide open.

"What are you talking about?" Sally trying to act innocent.

Manic: Sally's evil. Remember that, people.

"You know what I'm talking about, Sal. I caught you making out with another guy" Sonic said with anger.

"I did no such thing. You were just imagining things" Sally lied.

Rory: I don't get it. Why do authors like to make Sally a horrible person?
Manic: Because they can't write for crap, Rory.

"No, Sally. I wasn't imagining it. You were making out with a brown hedgehog. I saw you through your window" Sonic said.

Tails: At least that part was consistent.

"It wasn't what you think it was, I swear" Sally lied again.

Rory: Okay, we got it, author. Sally's a... *mumbles* lying whore. *shudders* I'm not gonna say that again, guys. It makes me feel all crummy.

"I'm not buying it. You cheated on me with another guy. I'm breaking up with you" Sonic said with anger.

"B-B-But I-I-I-"

"Leave, Sally" Sonic hissed.

"Sonic, give me a chance! I swear I won't cheat on you ever again! Please!" Sally begged.

Manic: *stares* Oh, good god, I'm getting vibes of that horrible fic again. Stop reminding me of that horrible fic, author!
Rory, Tails: Too late.

"No. You broke my heart Sally. My heart shattered into pieces, and you're not the one to pick up the pieces. What you did was very hurtful. I love someone else, and it's not you. So don't ask who it is" Sonic said.

Tails: Yeah, this is really coming off of his LiveJournal.
Rory: I thought it was Tumblr.
Tails: Still sticking with LiveJournal, Rory.

"WHAT? But Sonic, I love you!"

All: No, you don't.
Rory: Sorry, Pod Person Sally.

"Get out, Sally. I don't want to see you again" Sonic hissed. Sally wasn't going to leave.

"NO! I'm not going to leave!" Sally screamed in rage; she pushed him hard, making him hit his back against the wall.

"….uhhh…." Sonic groans in pain; he falls down to his knees, not able to get back up.

Manic: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, time out! That ain't Sally, man!
Rory: Yes, it is! It's Pod Person Sally! Remember? She's the evil form that kidnapped the real Sally and tied her up in a closet!
Manic: Oh. No wonder badfic authors like to use her in their fanfics.

Amy gasps in horror; she burst out of the closet and blocks Sonic from Sally.

"YOU!" Sally glares at her.

"Leave him alone!" Amy said with bravery.

Manic: "With bravery"? That can happen?
Rory: *shrugs* Sounds like something I wrote in my English class.

"Sonic is mine! You're just a spoiled fangirl!" Sally growls angrily.

Tails: *turns his attention to his Miles Electric* Yeah, that's truly in character for Sally.

"You're wrong Sally! Sonic was never yours! What you did made his heart broken! You're not the one to heal his heart for him! I am!" Amy said as she pulled out her hammer.

Rory: Thanks, author -- I mean, Amy. Yeah. Amy.
Tails: Actually, Rory... you're a tiny bit inaccurate. The author's self-insert prefers Shadow as a... uh...
Manic: Hump buddy.
Tails: Yeah. Anyway, the author prefers Shadow and hates Sally. She's even listed as one of her "enemies".
Manic: I'mma keep saying it, Tails. They all hate Sally.

"I don't care if he's heartbroken. He is still mine! Now move aside!" Sally growls.

"Absolutely not!" Amy shouted.
"Grrrr!" Sally snarls.

Tails: *deadpan* "Facepalm," Tails facepalmed.
Rory: "Ummmm..." Rory blue screened.

"I don't want to hurt you Sally! So please leave!" Amy said.

Tails: You don't want to hurt her... yet you brought out your hammer.
Manic: *rings a boxing bell*
Rory: *chants* Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

"I'm not leaving without my Sonic!" Sally screams angrily.

Manic: *gives Sally a Sonic plush* There you go, your very own Sonic. Enjoy.

She was about to attack Amy, but was stopped by Sonic; shielding Amy from Sally.

Rory: Well, he recovered quickly.
Tails: Yeah, especially since it said that he was "not able to get back up".

"Sonic! What are you doing?" Sally said.

"Get out! You heard what Amy said. She's the one for me, she's not a fangirl. She's a sweet, kind, and caring girl. You Sally are a liar, rude, and selfish. And I don't love you anymore. Now get out, I don't want to see you ever again" Sonic said with anger.

Rory: Yeah, the author must've been having a field day using them as her mouthpiece, huh?
Manic: I'm a bit shocked. They normally use their crappy Mary Sues to do the deed instead. This is pretty new to me... *remembers another fic* Never mind.

"But—"

"I said get out" Sonic repeated again.

Sally gave up; she leaves his house. She was gone now. Out of Sonic's life.

Tails: *reads from his Miles Electric* And then she ran back in the house brandishing a butcher knife. She then maimed everyone who were responsible for making her OOC.
Rory: *hides behind his board* Yeah, what a beautiful story, Tails.

Sonic groans, he was about to collapse but Amy caught him just in time before he hits the floor.

Manic: *fails to catch Sonic* Whoops. Sorry, bro. That lump will go away in about two weeks... I hope.

"You okay, Sonikku?" Amy asked in concern.

Rory: How many millions have we subtracted from this fic again?
Manic: Quit counting. Just go with a billion.

"I think so" Sonic wasn't really sure.

"Here, lie down on your bed" Amy said as she helps him walk to his bed and lie down.

Rory: Wait. So we just magically warped to Sonic's room?
Tails: With the way it's written, it looks like Sonic's bed is in his kitchen.
Manic: *as Sonic* Hey, I needed an easy path to my chili dogs when I get hungry in the middle of the night!

"Amy, can you stay here with me?" Sonic asked. Amy smiles and nods.

"Sure" Amy said; she helped him take off his shoes and puts them on the floor. She also took off her boots and places it next to Sonic's shoes. She wraps her arms around Sonic's waist, snuggling on his chest.

Tails: *deadpan* Thrilling.

"I love you Ames" Sonic said.

"I love you too, Sonikku" Amy said.

Rory: Yeah, I'll love the end of this dull ass fic, to be honest.

They fell asleep; Sonic wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. Resting his chin on top of her head.

The End.

Manic: And we've ended the fic with a sentence fragment. I'm glad that Sonia and Jayleen didn't riff this one. They would've had some serious heart attacks there.
Rory: Red pen marks, huh?
Manic: Man, the whole screen would've been covered with red pen marks.
Tails: No, they'd probably paint the entire screen red. It would save them the trouble.
Manic: Nah, that kind of editing is more up Sonic's alley.
Tails: Yeah, you're right about that.

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