Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Three Riffers, Episode 5: Because of You

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1. Mr Are You Alright

A/N: Hello there! This is my first fic ever and well, I beg you to review it.

Leah: Why do I keep getting saddled with an author's first fic?
Mai: Isn't this your second riffing?
Leah: Yeah, but... I think my riffing track record's looking a little odd so far.

Well, I read Tekken 5's official site that Jin is 21 so I'll make it 21, with this fic happening after Tekken 5.

Sonic: *laughs nervously* Yeah, I know that this fic was written before Tekken 6 came out, but... eh...
Mai: *looks at Sonic* What?
Sonic: Yeah, we'll go over that hump when we'll get there.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tekken or any of its' characters mentioned here, just Yoko Amayazaki.

Leah: Thank goodness.

Summary: A martial arts expert. A cleaner of a Shinto Shrine. Jin Kazama and Yoko Amayazaki are complete opposites. But even if they're worlds apart...are their hearts connected to each other?

All: *stares at the screen*
Sonic: *smacks his forehead* Oh. Oh, it's this cliché stuff.

Yoko Amayazaki was walking home when she was blocked by a group of strangers, led by a guy with dyed hair.

Mai: Lesson of the day, folks... dyed hair on a guy is an automatic evil.

They looked vicious, but she paid no attention until the leader demanded money.

"C'mon, give us your money now" the leader said. "Don't you just see me? Look at my clothes! I'm just a janitress" Yoko answered angrily at him.

Leah: *sarcastically* Yeah, that will certainly get you off easy.

"Don't you think we'd be fooled by your little trick? Give us your money," he said while taking a knife. "Or you'll be dead" he continued. "Alright, here's my wallet, and my watch, and my Shinto Shrine ID Card, my Panda Club card, and my Diamond Island discount card" she replied while stuffing her things on his hand. "Alright, you've got money. Now..." the leader said when he was kicked by Yoko. "DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD GIVE ALL MY STUFF TO YOU? NEVER!" she shouted while picking up her things then casually walked away. "Bitch!" the leader shouted. He was really angry. How could a girl kick like that? he thought then whispered something to his gang. "Alright" they said.

Sonic: Uh... what the heck just happened?
Mai: *unfazed* That.
Sonic: Yeah, I can see "that". Where's the pacing?
Leah: We don't need pacing. Just keep fast forwarding until this Jin guy and this Yoko girl swap spit with each other.

The next day...

All: *rubbing their necks* Ouch!

"Your shift's over" Yoko's boss said when she completely examined the Shrine. "Thank you" she answered. "Remember to take care, Yoko" the boss said. As Yoko walked to the dark alley where she was nearly killed last night...

Mai: "Nearly killed"? She just kicked him in the crotch and ran away!
Sonic: Yeah... no. I've seen the "nearly killed in an alleyway" thing before, and it wasn't in this fic.

"You? Again?" she said to them. "You're going to pay miss" the leader said again. "Who are you anyway?" she replied. "Hwoarang. Now, where were we?" he said while taking out his pocket knife.

Leah: *looking through some notes* Huh... these notes from the Tekken 3 manual say that he made his money from dishonest gambling wages. Basically, he picked street fights for money and all of that. *opens a bag of chips and dip* So... yeah. We already have someone who's out of character.
Mai: I think Sonic's going to know what'll happen next.
Sonic: Yep. Just like in that fic, the "twu luv" will save her. This is already dumb.

I need to buy some time. Yoko thought then she got an idea.

Mai: Let's see what her two brain cells came up with.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" she shouted at him.

Mai: *blank stare* Christ, what an idiot.
Leah: *facepalms*
Sonic: Yeah...

"Don't play dumb with me!" Hwoarang shouted. "Uh...alright. Do you need a background information about me in case you would change your mind?" she said to him.

Leah: *deadpan* "Comedy".
Sonic: *woodenly* My sides.

"Grrr...you're really getting on my nerves! ALRIGHT!" Hwoarang said. "I work at a Shinto Shrine. Would you mind sparing my life?" she said to him while smiling.

Mai: You know... in a normal situation... she would've been stabbed by now.
Leah: Yeah, too bad this is supposed to show how "witty" and "spunky" she is.

"NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY!" he said then pointed his knife at Yoko's neck. He raised it up, ready to kill forcefully when a hand stopped him. It was Jin Kazama.

Sonic: The buildup, ladies and germs! Seriously, I got the same image with Emi, Kyo, and that guy that nearly killed her in the alley in that fic! Where's the originality?!
Mai: Originality? In a fanfic? You must be dreaming, Sonic.
Leah: I'm a bit more concerned about the missing descriptions...

"Ouch! HEY THAT HURTS!" Hwoarang said to him then Jin punched his face.

Sonic: The fight scene, guys. It's, uh... what is it, actually?
Leah: It's stupid, that's what it is.

"GRRR! I'M GOING BACK KAZAMA AND I WILL BEAT YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL!" Hwoarang shouted then he ran away with his gang.

Sonic: That just sounded like a bad superhero cartoon.
Mai: *as Lex Luthor* I will get you next time, Superman!

"Are you alright?" Jin said to her, then Yoko punched him on the stomach. "I don't need your help Mr. Are You Alright! I could've done that myself. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm going to follow your orders!" she shouted. "Do you want to get killed?" he said. "YES!" she said then threw her backpack on Jin's head. "DON'T SHOW YOUR FUCKING FACE ON ME ANYMORE!" she shouted then left. Jin Kazama opened her bag and saw her Panda Club card. "Yoko Amayazaki...now I know your name" Jin said then took the card.

Sonic: *stunned*
Leah: What an ungrateful ass. That's how you thank someone who saved your life?!
Sonic: Man, Kyo was right. Those "Grrrl Powah!" Sues really can make everything worse.
Mai: It's even dumber when you realize that she just threw her stuff on him and left. Now Jin knows who she is just because she was acting like a moron!
Leah: That's because she is a moron. Remember? She also gave Hwoarang her occupation... and walked into the dark alley on purpose.
Mai: Yeah. We had to create "conflict".

That guy...grrr...just because I'm a woman...grrr...Yoko thought then she threw her pencil. But it's kinda nice that he "saved" me. Yoko thought then she dozed off to sleep.

Leah: Oh, screw you! He actually saved you, you stupid asshole! If he wasn't there, you'd be dead at the very worst!
Mai: I don't like her. I don't like her. I wish she'd fall off a cliff. I already don't like her.
Sonic: Yeah... thank goodness this is a short one. And did she just pass out in the middle of the street? Where the hell are we?!
Mai: *re-reads* Uh... I'd like to say... a black hole.

At the Mishima Mansion, Jin was busy drawing Yoko.

Leah: *double facepalms* Kill me.

"Why can't I ge the face right?" Jin said to himself and after a few more erases, he finally drew her. "Yes. Now, by tomorrow, I can find you" he said then kept the drawing in his bag.

Sonic: He's probably drawing her so he can eliminate her for doing that crap. You don't mess with the head of the Mishima Zaibatsu, Jerk Sue.
Mai: What?
Sonic: Yeah, Jin took the reins of the Mishima Zaibatsu after the fifth King of Iron Fist tournament... and started a world war.
Mai: Huh. Should we find the part where he summons a satellite and obliterates her with it?
Sonic: I'd like to, but you know that's not in this fic.

The next day, again...

All: Ow, my neck!

Yoko was walking to the Shinto Shrine when she saw "Mr. Are You Alright" talking to a woman while showing a piece of paper when she overheard their conversation. "Have you seen this girl? Yoko Amayazaki is her name" he said. "I've seen that girl! She's one of my employees" the woman replied. She put her hand on her head and went to the nearest trash can to hide.

Mai: *as Axl* Oh, bite my furry tail. *normal voice* You were just fine punching him in the gut yesterday. Now you want to hide?
Leah: She's a bigger coward than the Cullens. *as Yoko* Oh, it's okay for me to beat him up, but he better not lay a hand on me! That's abuse!

"Can you tell where she is?" Jin said. "Oh, she'll arrive in 5 minutes, her shift's at 9" the woman replied with a grin. "Thanks" Jin answered then sat near the bench where Yoko had been hiding. She was unlucky, as Jin was eating. He opened the trash can, finding Yoko.

Leah: Well, she did act trashy to him.
Manic: *plays a rimshot*
Sonic: Yeah, thanks, bro.
Manic: Yep!

"What?" she answered angrily. "Well...I was just wondering, would you like your knapsack back?" Jin said then handed Yoko's backpack. "GRR! OF COURSE!" she shouted then gave Jin an uppercut. "I was just asking" Jin said then limped away. "What now? Are you a coward?" Yoko taunted then went straight to her shift.

Mai: That tears it. Do we have this brat locked in a room somewhere?
Sonic: *trying his hardest to not stamp "Epic Failure" on his riffing paper* Y... yes.
Mai: Good. *gets up, leaves the room*
*Sounds of kicking and punching are heard from a distance.*
Leah: *stamps "Epic Failure" on Sonic's paper*
Mai: *returns, sits down* That didn't make me feel better, Sonic.
Sonic: Of course not. That's Kyo's department, Mai. *looks at his stamped paper* Leah...
Leah: *as she's eating her chips* You know you wanted to stamp your sheet. You don't have to deny that.

A/N: Did you like it?

Leah: No, I didn't. I hate this fic. This may be the worst fic I've ever read. And I've only read two fics here!

Well then, submit your reviews now!

Sonic: Oh, you don't want to know what I think. At least Emi didn't punch Kyo in the gut when he saved her!

I'd be happy if you will, I beg you please!

Mai: *stares at the screen* You have a Jerk Sue for a character, and you're begging for reviews? Okay, this is just dumb now.

2. Welcome to Yoko's Doom

Kyo L.: *enters the room, crosses the title out, writes "Asshole Sue Becomes a Bigger Asshole" in its place*
Sonic: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Kyo, what the heck are you doing? And why are you here?
Kyo L.: I heard that Mai beat the crap out of some jerkass and I want in on it.
Sonic: Uh... the room's over there...
Kyo L.: Thank you. Enjoy riffing that thing. *leaves*

A/N: Hi! I'm back for the second chapter! Thanks for the reviews and please enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Tekken or any of its' characters mentioned in this fic, again, just Yoko Amayazaki!

Sonic: Glad that's all you own. Because that series would be horrible if you took hold of that.

Past Chapter's Last Paragraph: Yoko was walking to the Shinto Shrine when she saw "Mr. Are You Alright" talking to a woman while showing a piece of paper when she overheard their conversation. "Have you seen this girl? Yoko Amayazaki is her name" he said. "I've seen that girl! She's one of my employees" the woman replied. She put her hand on her head and went to the nearest trash can to hide. "Can you tell where she is?" Jin said. "Oh, she'll arrive in 5 minutes, her shift's at 9" the woman replied with a grin. "Thanks" Jin answered then sat near the bench where Yoko had been hiding. She was unlucky, as Jin was eating. He opened the trash can, finding Yoko. "What?" she answered angrily. "Well...I was just wondering, would you like your knapsack back?" Jin said then handed Yoko's backpack. "GRR! OF COURSE!" she shouted then gave Jin an uppercut. "I was just asking" Jin said then limped away. "What now? Are you a coward?" Yoko taunted then went straight to her shift.

Sonic: *snores*
Leah: *smacks her dunce cap off of her head* Does this girl think that we're too stupid to click the back button?
Mai: *removes her dunce cap, nudges Sonic awake* Yes. And I'm also surprised that he's snoring through Kyo's evil laughing.

At the Shinto Shrine, Yoko's boss was mad at her. "Yoko Amayazaki, why did you ignore that man?" her boss said.

Mai: She didn't ignore him. She gave him a Mortal Kombat uppercut!

"Well, he, uh...who is he anyway?" Yoko replied.

Leah: *angrily bites on a tortilla chip* Oh, fuck you.

"Like you don't know, Yoko, that man is Jin Kazama, Heihachi Mishima's grandson, the heir to the Mishima Zaibatsu!" the boss shouted. Jin Kazama? Uh...oh...Yoko thought then put a face of anger. "Well, I don't care if he's the grandson of The Flying Dutchman!" Yoko replied.

Sonic: *wakes up* What'd I miss?
Mai: Nothing. Aside from the Jerk Sue continuing to be a jerk.
Sonic: Oh.

"Sir Heihachi Mishima? You don't have to talk to him so disrespectfully!" the boss said. "Well then, maybe I'll just call him Old Troll" Yoko said. "...YOU'RE FIRED!" the boss shouted then sent the poor girl out.

Leah: Is this fic telling me to feel sorry for her? Sorry, that's not working for me.

"But Davy Jones is..." Yoko said for her last joke hit.

Sonic: You're as funny as a butt boil. Get out.

"Don't return here again!" the boss shrieked then closed the door. "Now what!"

Mai: You look for another job, you insufferable dork. And it better not be stand-up comedy.
Leah: Nah, I hope it is. Think about it; we could throw tomatoes at her and use that giant Vaudeville hook thing to drag her off the stage.
Mai: And we could beat her with said hook.
Leah: *laughs* Genius!

Yoko shouted then toss a stone at the nearby lake when..."HI YOKO!" Asuka Kazama said while passing by on her bike. "Asuka! Asuka! Asuka wait!" Yoko said while chasing her then Asuka put a stop. "What? What?" Asuka said energetically. "Do you have an available job?" Yoko said to her.

Sonic: *as Yoko* Especially one that'll get me fired in two seconds for kicking my love interest just because he said "hello" to me?

"Yup, and it's got good payment" Asuka replied then winked at her. "Oh, really?" Yoko said then Asuka wrote something on a piece of paper. "Go to this address by tomorrow morning, I'll do the negotiations" Asuka said while giving an evil grin. "Negotiations? Do you know the owner?" Yoko said sarcastically.

Mai: If that is sarcasm... I guess that makes me Bill Gates.
Sonic: Really? *shakes Mai's hand* Y'know... I don't know why you looked so happy in your mugshot.

"Yes, he's a near relative! I'll meet you at your home today, give me your resumé!" Asuka said. "Great rhyme, by the way, I've got it right here" Yoko said while handing a long piece of paper to Asuka. "Alright! See you tomorrow at that address!" Asuka said then sped away. What could that job be? Yoko thought then walked home.

Leah: What. An. Idiot.
Sonic: *sighs* Yeah, we all know that she's going to meet up with Jin and kick him in the crotch.
Mai: Seriously, this brat needs some serious help.

The next day, for the third time...

All: Oh, stop with that!

Yoko went to a very large and tall building.

Sonic: *sarcastically* Yeah, that helps a lot with the description.

"This is the place" she said to herself then walked to the Entrance Door. "Who are you?" the security guard said. "I'm Yoko Amayazaki. I was hired here by a..." she said then the guard stopped her. "Yoko Amayazaki huh? Go proceed to the boss' office at the fifteenth floor, at the red door with a gold knob".

Leah: I'll be all set to kick her out of the window when the time comes.
Sonic: Nah, Leah, it's the Mishima Zaibatsu. Just set her under a trap door and push the red button.

"Thanks!" Yoko said then went to the Elevator but then..."Oh, shit. There's something wrong with this one" Yoko said then ran up the stairs.

Mai: I hope she dies of exhaustion.
Leah: Oh, come on, Mai. Aren't you being a bit too harsh here?
Mai: You're right, Leah. I'm sorry. I hope she dies of a heart attack instead.
Leah: Much better!

Ten more laps, Yoko, ten more...she thought then ran faster at the spiral staircases. At last, she reached the fifteenth floor. Let's see, brown door, blue door, oh there it is! Yoko thought again then knocked at the door. "Come in" the boss said. Familiar voice but then, oh well...Yoko thought then approached the door.

Mai: *facepalms*
Leah: *shakes her head as she continues to eat her chips and dip*
Sonic: *as Freeza* How do you function?!

The chair was facing the back which made her suspicious. "What's my job? I'm expecting 10,000 yen or more" she said to the boss. "Personal Assistant" the boss said. "PA? Oh, sure, sure! How much is the salary? I need money badly" she answered.

Sonic: The hell did she do? Spend it all on booze?
Leah: Nah, she probably spent it all on brass knuckles. She needed to punch more guys in their guts because they looked at her funny.

"100,000 yen. Are you sure?" the boss said. "Yuppy yup yup! Now, if you don't mind, you can...uh, show your face now boss" Yoko replied. "For the last time, are you really sure?" the boss said to her. "YES!" she said happily. The chair turned around slowly, then..."Hi".

All: *in a bored tone* Jin Kazama.

"JIN KAZAMA?" Yoko shouted.

All: Duh!

"That's right" Jin said then sniggered. "How? Why? Asuka?" Yoko said in shock.

Mai: We're in the Tekken universe. Asuka Kazama is obviously related to Jin Kazama. Sue... you need to do the world a big favor. Just eliminate yourself from the general population and stop hogging everyone's oxygen, because your stupidity is astounding.
Sonic: Wonder what would've happened if she ran into Jun Kazama.
Leah: It'd probably be too much info for her pea brain, so she'd most likely explode.

"Asuka's my cousin, now, PA..." Jin said then looked at Yoko. "DAMN YOU BIG SHIT ON A FUCKING TOILET! I NEVER ACCEPTED THAT JOB!"

Leah: Hey, dumbass. You did. Yeah, it was all fun and games until you found out that it was Jin.

Yoko said then bit her fingernails while Jin took out a tape recorder. "Oh, really?" Jin said with a tone to her then pressed the PLAY button on the recorder. "Yuppy yup yup!" the recorder said. "YOU'RE...YOU'RE INSANE!"

Sonic: Look in the mirror, hypocrite.

Yoko said then went to the door but then Jin hit a remote and the lock said CLOSED. "Now, PA...can you massage my shoulders? Or you won't get your "badly needed" money" he said to her. "FUCK! ALRIGHT!" she said then went to Jin's table.

Leah: *wearing a pair of earphones* Sue! Stop shouting! My ears are practically bleeding here!
Sonic: Nah, let her keep yelling. Maybe she'll pass out or something.
Mai: Or maybe she'll ruin her vocal cords. Oh, please let her ruin her vocal cords.

Jin took off his jacket. "Who said that you would take off your jacket?" Yoko said to him angrily.

Mai: Uh, he's the boss, you moron. I think he has a right to do that.
Sonic: Unless he's trying to feel her up. Then she has a right to kick him in the twig and berries.

"Well, if you're going to massage me, PA, I want to feel it" Jin said to her. "AARGH!" Yoko shouted then kicked Jin's chair.

Leah: Jin, just fire her so she can drink herself to death on the streets or something. I'm tired of this bint.

The next day, again...

Mai, Leah: *now in neck braces*
Sonic: Hah, I finally beat the time warp! Speed of sound, baby!

Back at Jin's office at 5AM, Yoko was there, looking at Jin's papers. Damn, that big fuck Kazama...

Mai: Oh, we have harsher words for you, Jerk Sue.

she thought then called Ling Xiaoyu. "Hiyee! Who is this?" Xiaoyu said happily.

Sonic: Who would be that happy to get a call at five in the morning? Lady, do you even know what time is?!

"Death row next in line speaking...Xiao, I need your help!" Yoko said swiftly.

Mai: Oh, she's comparing this to Death Row? What a whiny wimp.

"Oh, oh, you want some donuts?" Xiaoyu replied to Yoko. "No, no Xiao! There isn't much time, that big monster is coming!" Yoko answered to Xiaoyu frantically. "AAAH! MONSTER!" Xiaoyu screamed then hung up.

Leah: What was the point of that conversation?
Mai: To show that it, like this entire fic, is a complete waste of time.

"Oh man, big pile of shit.

Sonic: Isn't that what the Sue is?

Wait..." Yoko said then looked at the open window. "That's it!" Yoko said then took off her ribbon which kept her hair in place and slid down the office quietly but then, Jin arrived. "Yoko?" he said to her.

Mai: Jin then found Yoko lying in a pool of her own blood on the ground. The idiot forgot that she was fifteen floors up.
Leah: Ah, well. Welcome to Natural Selection.
Kyo L.: Well. I think I'm done here... hey, Sonic. May want to get Cassy so she can add something to her freaky room.
Sonic: *stammers* Oh, good god. *runs out of the room*
Leah: *calmly eating the remainder of her chips and dip* I'm surprised that we couldn't smell anything that was burning.
Mai: I guess he's truly mastered his powers. And on another note... we're screwed once he truly loses it.

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