Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Two Riffers, Episode 2: The New Girl (SerketChaos Version) (Part One)

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Ohoho
Hey guyss guess who got inspiration for this storyy?

Angelique: *looks around before focusing on the screen* You, obviously?

Thats right I did!

Angelique: Oh, wonderful! Do I get a prize for this, author?

well actually, i was just MORTIFIED at how horribly written this thing was so I decided to re-write it.

Kyo: Oh? Looks like Sony Love came back!
Angelique: Who?
Kyo: It's... nobody important.

*Actually if you wanna get all technical, this is like the fifth time re-writing it without totally changing everything.*

Kyo: Fifth time? Man, that beta must be overworked!
Angelique: Or asleep... like that "Fifty Shades" editor.

1. Meet Keira!

Kyo: Do I have to?

A small girl with short pink quills walked down a long rocky road.

Angelique: Was it edible?

There was a lush forest filled with greenery on either side of her. She looked around, realizing she had gone in a full circle. She sighed heavily, running a hand though her quills.

Kyo: Why do people think that quills are soft?
Angelique: Well, they are Sonic universe quills.

"Great." she muttered, "I'm back where I started. Now I have nothing to do." She glanced over her shoulder at some kids, younger than she, played together. Again, she sighed.

Kyo: Throw some rocks at me. That'll pass the time and a few hospital bills.

"I HATE this!" she yelled to no one in particular, "I'm an out-cast! Why do I even bother?! All The kids hate me just cause I'm an orphan. I don't get what that has to do with anything. I mean most of them are orphans as well...."

Angelique: *confused* Well. That made little sense.

"Heads up!" A voice called.

"Wha-?" was all she could even think of saying before...

WHACK! She was in the head with a dodge ball. Not a nice soft one either, it was one of those hard rubber ones that were always filled with too much air, or to little, in this case however, it was too much.

Angelique: Of course. We can't have our character be hit with little plush balls.

The impact from the ball was enough to knock her over onto her butt.

Kyo: Huh. Could've sworn that it would've caved her skull in.

Rubbing her head she peered up, squinting against the sun. Faintly she could make out one of the town bullies.

Angelique: He had a shirt to prove that.
Kyo: Might as well add a neon sign to his head, too.
Angelique: *laughs*

"No need to say sorry!" He called over his shoulder as he picked up the dodge ball, "Its just Keira!" He looked back to her for a moment before sticking out his tongue at her and running back to his little possy of 'Oh-so-tough' friends. When in reality everyone knew they were cowards.

Angelique: *changes the "y" in "possy" to an "e"* Yet nobody did anything to deal with the guy. Sounds just like real life, unfortunately.

"I hate that guy..." Keira muttered to herself.

Kyo: Yeah, I hate him and his two second appearance, too.

Getting up, off the ground, Keira brushed herself off.

Angelique: *erases the first comma*

Keira doesn't know her parents. She barely even remembers them.

Kyo: *sighs* Well, duh. And quit holding my hand.

All she knows is that her pendant around her neck that she always wares gives her magic powers, and her shrinking and expanding metal staff is from her father.

Kyo: *snickers*
Angelique: Kyo...
Kyo: *laughs*
Angelique: *sighs* You haven't changed a bit. Anyway, how does she know what her powers are... yet she doesn't know her parents?
Kyo: Her dad's ghost told her.

Keira watched for a moment, as the bullies pointed and laughed. Making rude hand gestures and faces. She wouldn't cry. Those fools weren't worth the time or the tears. If only she had leaned that sooner.

"You know what!?" she yelled to them, she couldn't take it anymore! Years of ridiculing had all come to her in a rush and in a moment smaller than the time it takes to blink. She had made her decision. "You won! You know that?! I'm outta here!"

Kyo: Well, dang. She should've hired me. I would've made them piss their pants.
Angelique: And traumatize them for life.

Keira stormed off to her little home- well actually it was more of a shack,

Angelique: Because tragedy, as you all know.
Kyo: Did that shack come from 1-800-RENT-A-SHACK?
Angelique: I guess so.

and gathered her things. It wasn't much, just some food, and a blanket incase it got cold at night. Keira brought her pillow as well, the case could be used as a bag to hold things, and the pillow would just be nice to have.

Keira left the village with out as much as even a backwards glance at it. Every year there was a living hell.

Kyo: *attempts to play a tiny violin* Oops. Lili... I broke the violin.
Angelique: *stammers*

She would go and find some where that would accept her, and over time, they would hear her wounds.

Angelique: I can't hear the wounds. And what kind of mutant wounds do you have, madam?
Kyo: Must be similar to that talking wart from one of those commercials.

Time went by as the girl traveled all over. She met some real nice people and made some new memories.

Kyo: *sarcastically* But we don't have time to listen to those stories. Screw that!

The one that were the most prevalent in her mind however, were still from her years at the village. Nothing seemed to erase them.

Kyo: *rubs a giant eraser against Keira's head* Is it gone yet?! Huh?! How 'bout now?!

She wanted to settle down in nice place somewhere and just start over, but she just couldn't bring herself too. None of the places felt... right, to her. She needed a place that felt like home. Something she hadn't felt since she was small.

Angelique: She could get something like that one Mary Sue had. What was that thing again?
Kyo: *mutters* A mansion. And she ain't getting a mansion.

Wanted was the key word. She could have stopped with some nice people a couple of times but she couldn't.

Angelique: Wait, she wanted a home... with nice people... but refused to settle with them? Huh?
Kyo: I don't know. How the heck else are we going to riff more chapters?

Something kept her going. The sense of adventure, danger, not knowing what the next day would bring...! It all coursed though her veins, and it made her feel... alive.

Kyo: So BASE jump, then.

It was late at night. The critters of the night just awaking and Keira perched up in a tree just dozing off. Keira stared up at the night sky, strangely bright even for out in the forest, away from the city smog.

Angelique: Well, that's because the smog blocked all of that natural light.

"Mmmm, this is the life..." She murmured before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

In the dream, there were blue flashes all over the place, fast ones. Faster than fast! Keira felt like she had to run to keep up, run with everything she had. Like in all dreams, however, the more she ran the farther away the spastic blue ball was from her.

Kyo and Angelique: Sonic's running.

Waking with a start she sat upright. What kind of dream was that?

Kyo and Angelique: *unfazed* It was Sonic running.
Kyo: Christ, I hate symbolic dreams. Miyu doesn't even have those!

There was mist shrouding the tree tops still as the sun just came to a rise. Keira's clothes we're slightly damp from the morning dew.

Kyo: *wiggles his eyebrows* Sure it was just the morning dew?
Angelique: Oh, cut that out.

Brushing her quills free of any dew she sat on the branch. Just staring.

Angelique: Those sentences just confused me to no end.
Kyo: They weren't sentences, Lili.

Keira blinked, "Well..." she started to herself, "Its a new day, Keira." Smiling softly she got down from the tree and started to walk. To where, she didn't know, but she had a good feeling.

"After all, everyday brings new adventures."

Kyo: That was until she stepped into a huge fault line. Whoops.

Hommggg. Why is everything so hard on this site

Kyo: Personally, I blame the Author Alliance.
Angelique: I blame Critics United.

wtf is this?
I remember a time when "replacing chapter" did not mean
"REPLACE ENITRE CHAPTER SO THE AUTHOR WHO DOES NOT HAVE THE ORIGINAL ANYMORE CAUSE HER COMPUTER DIED WAY BACK WHEN CANT KEEP IT THE SAME."
FFFFF

Kyo: I don't. Then again... I never signed up to begin with.

Lololol Its funny actually, Ive been on this site so long, that it cant remember when i added most of my favourites..
I have no idea what I wrote at all.
So here's me guessing at what I wrote. I have a vague Idea of what might have happened.

Angelique: Better than nothing, I guess.

2. Hiya Sonic!

Angelique: *adds a comma*

Keira strolled though the dense forest and soon she found herself at a temple. It was large and gave off a mystic aura.

Kyo: Because all temples are mysterious and give off auras like that.

For some reason she was compelled to go climb it.

Angelique: If that temple collapses, don't run up to the courts with a lawsuit.

As she walked towards it she was thrown back by a blue blur and Keira found herself in a muddy puddle.

Kyo: *woodenly* Oh, look. It's the blur from her dream. Who could have guessed?

Looking around for the very rude blue blue she saw nothing.

Kyo: Yes, he's the rude one for not even noticing you. I don't know, lady.
Angelique: I didn't know that the color blue was incredibly rude.
Kyo: Hey, that--
Angelique: Yes, I know that it rhymed.

Faintly she could hear someone calling for someone else.

Angelique: Mr. Sonic? Your chili dog order is ready!
Kyo: *as Sonic* Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!

"Sonic!" Then a pause, "Sonic! Wait for me!" Keira watched as a yellow fox appeared from the trees. He had soft blue eyes and two tails. Two tails!

Kyo: If she starts gushing over those tails, I'm going to lose it.

"Hello," The fox said, snapping Keira back to reality, "Did he knock you over?" He laughed, extending a gloved hand towards her. Keira shyly grabbed it and the yellow fox helped her up. "Sorry about that." The fox said sympathetically.

"It's fine." Keira replied wiping the mud off her as best she could, "At least you came along and apologized for... who ever that was. So, thank you...?" She trailed off hoping her helper would give up his name.

"Tails." He said, "I'm Tails, and the guy that knocked you over was probably my friend Sonic."

Kyo and Angelique: "Probably"?
Kyo: Well then. Tails already has memory loss at eight years old. Poor kid.

Tails grinned sheepishly, "I have to get going, but... it was nice meeting you..." Tails trailed off just as she had.

Angelique: They're not drunk, are they?
Kyo: Hope not.

"Keira. It was nice meeting you too,Tails." Keira extend her hand and Tails shook it happily. She watched him take off towards that blue blur, or Sonic... who ever that was. It was interesting though, because Tails used his, er, tails to propel himself to go faster!

Kyo: *sternly looks at the screen* That is not new to us. And get your hands off of me.

The girl continued to pick at the mud now caked onto various parts of her body and clothes.

Angelique: Did she fall into some quick drying mud?
Kyo: I guess so, Lili. What a special mud pile.

It sucked because her shirt was- notice the key word, was, white.

Angelique: *mumbles* Must I be guided into this like I am a child learning how to comprehend things?
Kyo: Yes.

After dubbing herself "clean" she started to climb up to the top of the temple.

Kyo: Then Sonic caused her to fall into another mud pile.
Angelique: There's a mud pile on top of a temple?
Kyo: Yes.

It was old and looked like it had been abandoned for years and years.

Kyo: East Asia: Old Temple.
Angelique: East Asia: Deserted Temple.

Once Keira had managed to scamper her way up to the top she sat her self down and allowed the refreshing breeze sweep against her quills.

Angelique: Then the mud dried slightly. Mold her into whatever you wish!

Swinging her legs she just took in her surroundings. Everything was so pretty, she hadn't seen anything like it before!

Kyo: And then the Titanic sunk after she declared herself queen of the world.

Well, It would have been nice if it wasn't for the constant sound of explosions and yelling. What was that anyway?! Keira stood up to look around and locate the problem. Her eyes narrowed, she recognized that blue blur! Tails was probably with him too...

Keira decided that it would be best to go see what exactly was going on. So, she climbed her way back down the ruins and headed over towards the noise.

Angelique: Someone was playing loud music out of their car, so the neighbors decided to do something a bit unusual.
Kyo: Hire James to blow up the offending car in question with a bazooka?
Angelique: Indeed.

She pushed her way though the under bush and came out into a clearing on the other side of the forest. Her eyes went wide, what were those... things? Those giant robots?! Keira had never seen anything like them before. Tails and his friend seemed to be fighting them and slowly she moved to be closer to them. Unfortunately for her she stepped on a very badly placed twig.

Kyo: Great. She twisted her ankle like a bad B-movie horror girl.

Everything seemed to stop for a brief moment. That blue blur finally was in once place long enough for her to see that it was in fact a blue hedgehog with brilliant jade green eyes.

Angelique: Huh... "jade green"? Isn't that a bit redundant?

At the same time, Keira saw the robots stop their attack and focus all their attention on her, and she knew she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Kyo: Welcome to Compton in the 80s.

"Look out!" Tails yelled but before she knew it something had grabbed her from behind and was lifting her off the ground.

Angelique: Kyo?
Kyo: Yeah, I've heard of that kind of Sonic porn.
Angelique: Kyo...
Kyo: I said "heard", not "saw", Lili.

Squirming and trying to see what was grabbing her she saw that it was a bald fat man with a giant mustache of death, and small beady evil eyes hidden behind some shades. With more struggling she managed to grab her expanding metal staff and give him a good hard whack over the head.

Angelique: *looks at Kyo, who is now laughing* I figured as much.

"What happened to your hammer, Amy?" He muttered, and then louder with a big booming laugh he said, "No matter, I know Sonic will come to rescue you!" From there it was up, up and away they went, Keira yelling the entire time.

Kyo: Eggman is now Superman.

Though she was wondering who this Amy person was.

Angelique: Amy?
Kyo: Yep. She's the pink hedgehog who left us some mini bundt cakes earlier. And on that note... what the hell color is Keira? She's going to be the new Rina if we don't get a color soon.
Angelique: She has pink quills, remember?
Kyo: *reads* Oh. Right. But what color is she?
Angelique: *shrugs*

An extra robotic arm came from no where and then another, one taking her weapon and another placing a mask over her face, causing her to pass out.

Kyo: Oh. I've really heard of that Sonic porn now.
Angelique: *stares at Kyo*

Sonic looked to Tails.

"Who was that?" Sonic asked, "Do you know her?

"You ran into her earlier." Tails said, "But we don't have time for that! We have to rescue her!"

Angelique: That high school reunion can wait, thank you!

Sonic nodded. "One second, while I finish with these guys." Running at the robots and tucking himself into a tight ball, he went right though their middles, causing them to malfunction and explode.

Angelique: Their middles? Why not their stomachs?
Kyo: They don't exist.

Without pausing he took off after the girl Tails hot on his tail.

Keira came to and found herself in a clear glass tube of some sort. Jumping up she punched the glass, which turned out to a bad idea as all it did was make her hand really hurt.

Kyo: Get your metal rod! That always works!
Angelique: *hits Kyo on the back of his head* Stop that.
Kyo: *rubs his head* Aww, come on, Lili!

"Let me out!" She yelled, all she got though was a dismissive hand wave.

Angelique: That was a step up from the middle finger that she had received earlier.

Well this was just grand. She meets someone new and then gets captured by a fat man who suspiciously resembled an egg. A deviled egg that is.

Kyo: *snickers* Well, she just riffed for me! Two points! No sarcasm.

She searched herself for her metal staff but he had seemed to have taken it.

Angelique: Oh? Looks like Eggman really did put that 300 IQ to work... this time.

Her necklace wasn't much help as all it did was heal people.

Kyo: *stares at the screen* She... can heal people?
Angelique: It could be worse.
Kyo: *suddenly remembers Sabrina, shudders* Yeah, you're right. Let's just hope that she doesn't have a million powers by the end of this thing.

Keira huffed and slumped down. What to do, what to do...

Angelique: Use the Hammerspace to get a shovel and dig your way out.

Time went by and nothing happened. The egg shaped guy sat there and grumbled angrily every now and then, and Keira couldn't do anything. More time went by... Still nothing.

Kyo: *as the Super Street Fighter 4 announcer* Time marches on.

Then, an explosion went off in the background. Then another, and another, until finally the door broke open and Keira saw Sonic and Tails.

Angelique: Well, that was fast. Couldn't we have gone to their point of view to observe the action?
Kyo: Nope.

"Tails!" she cried, standing up quickly. He buzzed right by as did his blue friend. They took down from what she could hear by the yells "Eggmamn" - what a fitting name- with out as much as a hitch.

Kyo: Get your hands off of me, damn it! I know who he is!
Angelique: Calm down, Kyo.

There was a hiss as the glass tube was opened for her. Keira ran to find her metal staff and almost immediately, she whacked Eggman with it.

"Stupid." she muttered.

Angelique: *sarcastically* How charming.

Briefly she thanked the two and then started to wander around looking over a way out.

"Keira," Tails said, "do you have anywhere you have to be?"

"Oh, uh, no." Keira replied looking back at the fox. "Why?"

"Well.. how about you come with us?"

Kyo: I'd say "no", but this is the Sonic universe.

"Yeah!" Sonic said. Supporting his friend, although he wasn't too sure just taking a stranger along with the was the best idea.

Angelique: Looks like he must've remembered that Sabrina person.
Kyo: Either that or that Kathryn brat. She was a bigger nightmare.

"Oh.. well.. I guess I could go with you."

Angelique: *currently reading through "The White Hedgehog"* Oh. No wonder you all hate her. *puts the fic down* Keira, just make sure that you don't rip into Sonic over a picture.

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Continue to Part Two
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