Mystery Science Theater En Masse
Special Episode 2: Brewdening Love (Part Eight)
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Note: The main riffer here will be Jessie. (Want some sweet potato soup?)
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22 – Missire.
Jessie: Someone's certainly misfired.
A/N; This is four all my food revouwers.
Jessie: I thought I was riffing a fic! I'm not
reviewing food here!
Manic: You can review our food later.
Not the meen peeple who are evil and hate. I did noting wrang to you but you are being meen to me. SINNARS!
Jessie: Try the list, "heeethan". Try the long list.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Out of the light stepped a man with a long breed and weering crucifix bling.
Jessie: Your average bad rapper?
It was JESUS!!!!!!!!111!!!
Jessie: Oh, for the love of god!
Kyo: God ain't helping you, Jess.
Everyone was studden becase Jesus was satanign there looking at us. He pointed
his finger at wart and he came back to live. I ran over and hugged ward.
“Thank you, jesus,” I said and bowed.
Everyone except Jessie: *flatly* What.
Jessie: I quit. I... I can't read any more of this.
Sonia: But you just started!
Jessie: I don't care. I mean... *sighs* I mean... is there any point in arguing
here?
Sonic: Nope. We're boned, too. We're only listening here, and that's not
helping, either.
“Its K,” Jesus said. He was wereing a long jacket and had lots of gold chains with crosses on them.
Jessie: So... Jesus is a pimp now?
“Were did you come from?” Jenny asked, she was starring at Jesus becaue she was surplused.
All: Try Heaven!
“I have come to earhs to protect you from the coming eval.” He told us then he clucked his fingers and disperse.
Jessie: Next on "Plot Convenience Playhouse"...
Jeus had said he would come back so we had to weight for him.
Jessie: Well, how much does Jesus weigh, anyway?
Manic: Heck if I know.
I was gald Jesus had resorted edwrd. The pope was lefting, he said bye and got in his pope mobile and went away.
Jessie: As long as he doesn't return to this nonsense, I think we'll be in the clear.
We were now weighting for Jesus to come back.
Jessie: He'll probably come back if the combined weight of you, your best friend, Eddie, and Jake's around 400-600 pounds.
Ward went ober to play a song pon the piano.
Jessie: Yes, the first thing you do after being resurrected by the son of the man upstairs... is to play the piano.
I watched him play sexily. He was the best penist.
Jessie: Pfft...
Everyone else except Sonia: *laughing*
Sonia: How many penis references do we need? Is Erin horny or something?
Seriously.
Sonic: Yeah, I'd say so, sis.
He was looking at me with a sexy smile and he kissed my check. I kkissed his check back then there was a pop and Jesus appeered.
Jessie: Instant Jesus! Only $9.95.
“An evil Vampire that does not embarrass the Lord is coming to kull all vampires that fallow the Lords teechings.
Jessie: So... he is embarrassing the Lord. Okay.
Becorse you are all good christinas the Lorf had cent me to protact you from them.” Said Jesus.
Jessie: Are you seriously kidding me?
Miyu: Act Two of "Plot Convenience Playhouse" begins!
I was really scared.
All: Why? You have freaking Jesus!
Evil vampires that warshipped the devil were coming for the good christmans. Even jay looked scared, becoas he had recently satred fallowing Christianity.
Jessie: Alright, who gave me, the "sinner", these
three chapters of heavy Bible thumping? Does somebody hate me up there or
something?
Kyo: I don't know, but I love seeing you squirm.
Jessie: You're a sick freak, Kyo LeMaire.
Kyo: Yeah, now tell me something I don't know.
“These vampores want the world to be rant by santa. They want all christens to deed.” Jesus said.
Jessie: The presents are evil! I knew that that bearded bastard had something to do with everyone being miserable around Christmas time!
I hugled ward cloce to me. I didn’t want the ecil vampires to get him.
THEN JOMS WAS THE WINDOW WITH VICTORIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111
Jessie: Man, if I turned into a window, imagine all
of the peep shows.
Manic: I know.
Sonia: Oh, stuff the perversion, you two.
I creamed and hid under the piano.
Jessie: Now we're going to have to clean the hell
out of that floor or piano.
Cassy: Or buy a new one. I don't want nasty Sue cream on my junk.
All the cvamppies and jay started to fight, and Jesus created a swear in the air and sung it at the BAD VAMPIRES.
Jessie: Most confusing fight scene ever.
More vampires came in the house, I was getting scared, the bad vampires where hear alreedy. There was more of the bad vamers then the good ones. We were going to lose, Then one bitt me on the arm.
Jessie: Hey, does this mean that you'll die now? Because that'll be great!
Edward scremed and pounded into the vampire that bit me.
Jessie: *giggling* Insert sex joke here.
Blodd was fleeing from myt neck and running my nice blue sweeter.
Jessie: So... why aren't you dead?!
Amy: Mary Sue syndrome, Jessie.
Cassy: Either that or she entered a Mortal Kombat tournament.
Edwrd looked so hot as he pounded the bad vampre.
Jessie: Um, I think I'm all set to turn into a
lesbian, guys. Oh, and that means that I'll be smited by Erin. Sounds great.
Sonic: Makes me so happy that I'm not in a relationship right now.
Then i was hutting. My body fell like it was of fire.
Jessie: Oh, you're just horny. Happens to everyone.
Jesus came over to me and put a cross on the bit. It glewed a bright collar then i stopped huffiong. He had saved me from becaming a DEMON WARSHIPPING VAMPIRE.
All: Lame!
Then something happened
Jessie: Like another ass pull?
and all the bad vampires disapered. I stood up and asked Jesus what happened.
Jessie: Do you really have to ask?
“What happened?” I asked Jesus.
Jessie: Yeah, I think we already got that. It's an ass pull, lady.
“They have goed back to satan. They will come for you agen thu.” Jesus said, “I will come back went you need me.” Then he clucked his fingers and went into the air.
Jessie: And then he turned into a chicken.
Everyone was okay so we decided to go play baseball.
Jessie: After you nearly die, it's time to play baseball. Yeah. Okay.
We were a feild out the back. Ward looked so sexy in short shorts and a singlet. I was wereing a nice mini skirt and a nice blue shit.
Jessie: Well, your descriptions are shit.
Ward looked sexy as he held the bat in his hand and swung it up and down.
Jessie: Insert more innuendo here.
Jasser thru the ball at him and ward hit it, then he dstared to run. He rant and then he stoped.
Jessie: Hey, continue ranting! That's why we riff, sweetie!
TYhen Em was going to bad but then Al had a vision.
Jessie: Is it the end of this nonsense?
THE BAD DEVIL WORSHIPING VAMPIRES HAD JAY AND THEY WERE TOUCHING HIM!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Jessie: *sarcastically* Yeah, let him be. He's not light-skinned, anyway.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
Me and jenny are having a party but No meen peeple aloud. Love you jenny <3
Jessie: Then why the hell did you "advertise" it?
23 – resque
Jessie: Is that a French word?
Kyo: By itself? Heck no.
Egnoring the eval Sinnars. From now on I am going to call Roselie, Rose becores it is prettier to call her rose.
Jessie: Or because you're too lazy to copy and
paste.
Amy: Hey, leave my surname out of this, you!
This is witten as a tribut to the best arthur in the world Stephenie Meyer!!!! She is the 1 who creted the best books in the wold called Twilight!
Jessie: And she's also the one who has embedded unrealistic standards into the minds of every idiotic person on the planet.
<3<3<3<3<3
Jenny was reelly pail.
Jessie: So we filled her with water to put out a fire.
She was totally worried about Jay. We got into a grop and discus a plan to save him.
Jessie: Try touching the evil vampires back.
Al’s vison didn’t tell us were he was but we new we would be able to tract him by his cent.
Jessie: And his dollar.
Em and Jasser were going to fallow his cent to find were he was.
Jessie: Maybe he fell into the national debt.
Then Ward and Al and Roselie were going to fight the evil vampires. I didn’t want ward to go. He was to sexah to be kulled.
Jessie: And you're too stupid to live. It evens out
nicely.
Miyu: Somebody's forgotten the fact that he had
basically died twice.
“I don’t want you to go, you might be kulled.” I said sadly
Jessie: He won't die! Or did you forget your free Plot Device Jesus?
“I wont be kulled” he told me and gave me a coddle. He was so perfact, i didn’t ewant to let him go
Jessie: Okay, he can stay, and you can be killed. Don't want that? Then let him go!
Em and Jaser went away, We wached them dispear into the forest. I new they would find out were Jay was being torched soon.
Jessie: Kyo?
Kyo: I had nothing to do with that torching. Don't even look at me.
But I was still reely worried. I wnt over to Jenny and gave her a coddle. She was shaking and crying.
Jessie: Uh-oh, it's seizure time!
“They will find him” I told her caringly.
Jessie: And I sat here confusingly.
Jenny dint listen tho she was so upseat that she coulsnr.
Jessie: What the hell did you just say?
Em and jaspa return and told us that the eval vampires have Jay in a mansion in CANADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Jessie: And the Canadians are now fully insulted. Thanks.
I got on wrads back becorse he was going to hav to run to Canadsa with everyon.
Jessie: If Usain Bolt can't run to Canada that fast, then neither can he. Stop trying to convince me.
I held his perfact body and felt save. I new Ward would protect me from the eval ones.
Jessie: Unfortunately.
Jenny was on Jaspars back. She thout jasser was hot so I new that wold make her fell butter. I fell happy that Jenny wes happy.
It was dark wen we got to canda. All the lights were on in the houses so no one new that there was vampires in the street. We walkled through Canada looking for the manion.
Jessie: Well, damn! That's one quick search party,
huh?
Sonic: And why didn't they recruit me? I'm supposed to be the fastest
thing alive!
Jessie: Unfortunately, a bunch of Sues and Stus decided to knock you off
of your throne, so your services are no longer needed on that.
Sonic: Well, they can all bite my blue behind, then. Thinking that they're
faster than me.
Canada was biggar then forks so I was scared that we wont be abel to find the mansion.
Jessie: No duh! Try the fact that it's a damn country and not a city!
Em still ahd jenny on his back and he looked like he was trecking something. We fallowed him, I healed onto ward reely tight, he was nice and warm (Erin: because it was cold in Canda). He gave me a sexah smile.
Jessie: Yeah, and Russia doesn't experience a summer season. Whatever.
We were walling out of canda
Jessie: ...and into the pits of fiery missed logic...
wen al shoted out, “Ther is the mansion where they ave J!”
We all ran ober to it and looked in the windaw. We could see ja in chains to the wall and the eval vampires were torching him and saying evil SATAN WORSHIPPING WORDS in a weird langage.
Jessie: Was it English?
We went in the frot door and snucked into a room. It was drak except for the fire were the vampitres were.
Jessie: Kyo?
Kyo: I didn't turn into a vampire, Jess. Stop asking me things.
I snaggled into ward, they looked meen and scarry.
Jessie: They sparkle. There's nothing scary about that.
Jay was in the muddle of the room an he was chained so he cooldnt excape.
All: Dur-hay!
Jenny was crying angily. She didn’t want jay to be murdered becorse he had eccepted God into his live. It wasnt fare.
Jessie: Life isn't fair, sweetie.
Jasp and Al were waspering to each other, the were creting a plan to save jayt.
Jessie: With a whole hive of wasps.
But we were outnombered and ther was to humans on the teem so we locked like we were going to lost.
Jessie: And explain how this is bad news to me. Go ahead.
Em wand ross were getting reedy to leep at the evil vampires. The went out.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 Jenny sceemed.
Jessie: *rolls her eyes* Well, that was certainly thrilling.
As em and rose juped out at the eval vampires. Word and al and Jas fallowed. The evel vampires were taken buy supplies but they were still more of them then there was of the good Christine vampires.
Jessie: No relation to the Christian vampires.
Me and jenny snucked passed the fighting vampires and went to were jay was chained up. We tyred to brake the chains but thet were mad of metel and steal.
All: No, really?
The only ones that coold brake it was a vampre. The eval vampires were winning angst us.
Jessie: And once again, tell me how this is a bad thing.
“You havr to run away!” Em said and we did.
Jessie: *woodenly* The thrilling escape.
We snucked back out of the rom and ran out the door and into the town. Everyone fallowed behind us. Wad picked me up and put me on his back sexily. Jas picked up Jenny sexily too and put her on her back. We were all running sexah like away from the evil vampires wen I remambered
Jessie: *as Erin/Joan* ...that I forgot to dodge a bullet sexily!
We had left jay behind.
Jessie: Told you that they don't care about those people that aren't lighter than printer paper.
We all were running
Jessie: You cowards better be running back to save him, that's for damn sure.
<3<3<3<3<3<3
A/N; I hop you liked that chapter jenny I wote it for you because you are awesum and I will pot you in the next chapter Becca I promos. <3. God Loves you
Jessie: Yeah. Sure. Uh-huh.
24 – Sin
Jessie: Yes, I know that I've sinned. Stop rubbing it in my face.
A/N: I am putting Becca in this chapter coz I promossed her that I wold. Love you Becca xoxox. I am still egnoring eval phlemmers that are sinnars.
Jessie: Run from the evil mucus people!
Now I have a new fiern on DA called Mitsu-der-Hamster. She is a nice person and a good christen. She is reely nice unlik you evil phlemming sinnars.
Jessie: But I'm not an evil mucus person! Stop assuming that I'm one of them!
O0o0o0o0o0o0o <- they are cute bubles.
Jessie: Yes, nothing's cuter than "0"s and "o"s.
We were at school and it was raining. I was huggled into Ward and Jenny was with Em in the lunchrom.
Jessie: Um... what about Jacob? Did anybody save his poor tushie?
Then to new peeple worked in the door. They were becca and Dan (Erin:This is for you becca nd dan).
Jessie: Yeah. Sorry, Jake. Looks like the Suethor screwed you over.
They looked sad beouse they dint know were to sit. I inveted them over to our table. They sat down and introducted themshelves.
Jessie: Is it possible to get to the part where I am actually supposed to care now?
"I am becca and this is my broher dan," Becca said and then she wishpered to me "wo is that hot guy ther. She pointed to jassper.
Jessie: Oh, my goodness! The fic just broke itself!
"Thats japser," i sayed and becca smelled a cute smell at him.
Jessie: I never knew that smells were "cute".
She was reelly preety, she had blon hare and she was wereing a tight green top becoirse she had beg boons and she was wering a sexah anry prunt miniskirt.
Jessie: Unfortunately, that'll probably be the only description that she'll ever get.
We buth guggled and jassper blushed. Dan was talling to al, they looked cute together. I hopped that they would dete.
Jessie: And we shall now continue to screw up what little canon we had left in the process.
Then rose cam in with her boyfriend Charlie. They locked relly hot.
Jessie: Okay, now the canon's fully boned.
I was jeelous even though I was alredy hot.
Jessie: I guess it's time to douse a lot of water on your delusional ass.
We all stred talking to gether btu then it was tiome to go home.
Jessie: *woodenly* The thrilling conversation.
First we all went back to my hose becase I kneeded to tall dad i was goging to stay at edards. He had just came home from the courts were he was a lawyer at.
Jessie: What? He's a lawyer now? How many jobs does he have?!
He was ging to star drining soon so we got my cloths and left qick.
Jessie: Yes, nothing's sexier than a bunch of rags.
We all went to ewards were charlise and Mc
Jessie: ...Sports?
were weighing for us.
Jessie: Still sixty pounds. Damn Mary Sue scale. At least she weighs more than Jasukurini Sakaraemonii.
We were all ging to go to cruch together becaue it would be a familey booding secion.
Jessie: Hey, I thought that church wasn't supposed to be depressing!
I canged into a nice floowing green skirt and a tight green sweeter. Jenny was wereing a black dress and Becca was in a purple dirss.
Jessie: Blah, blah, blah.
We all got in the krullens farry and we drove to the chuch.
Jessie: Wait, do they own a boat or a fairy?
Cassy: I'd say the latter.
Father James Holden was at the chuch weighing for us to arrave. We got out the cart and went insude the chuch.
Jessie: Wait, so it's a cart now? All those people
managed to fit into one shopping cart?
Sonia: Guess that's the new version of compact traveling.
We sat at the frount and listened to Father James. He blessed us and then we coold go home agen.
Jessie: If only the Sunday services actually happened that fast in real life.
I was sting with wad sO we wet to his room.
Jessie: Somehow, that sentence made me lose my appetite.
We wer going topo be sleepen in the sam bed. It was ok becourse i new wrad wount do anytin against our religion now that we had bean blessed.
Jessie: Oh, shut up. You know you're horny, now go and do the deed, you hypocritical Mary Sue.
We caddled in bed and kissed each other on the lip.
Jessie: Just One Lip.
Amy: Just One Fox.
Ward looked so hot, he was wering a beig shirt and nice jeans.
Jessie: Like you're going to care about clothes when you're trying to do it.
He took off his shit so i could look at his prefect chess. He had reelly big mussels and niec skin.
Jessie: Let's see... his chess pieces and his seafood all look like shit. Sounds okay to me.
I was happy becouse he was with me and no-one else.
Jessie: I wasn't happy that this was going to lead to another boner killer scene.
We hugged and kussed some more and then edwrd was lying on top of me. He was tryig to take off my bra. I dint no if i sould let him or not, we had ust bean blessed by the pope.
Jessie: *annoyed* Oh, would you just shut up and do
it?!
Miyu: Why the heck are you cheering for that?
Jessie: I don't know!
"It will be k, we have bean bleassed." Ward said and he took off my bra. I was neerious, i hadn't done thus befour. Ward kissed my check and i kissed his chest. He hand was moving to my pants.
Jessie: And then something stupid happened.
Then the door opened and Jay was sanding there. He locked at what me and ward were doing an said
"ERIN I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMEHTING!"
All: Blah, blah, blah, it's against God's will, blah, blah, blah.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0
A/n: I hop you liked that chapper Becca, I no who nmuch you luv japster.
Jessie: "Japster"? Is he the cousin of Napster?
And dan i wote you in too, u weill be more in the nest chatter. I <3 u.
Jessie: And I don't love you. Glad I'm done with my part.
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