Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Crazy Train Episode 6: Closing Time (Part One)

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Warning: Eh... the author's note at the beginning will tell you the main warning. This fic also contains some strong language.

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This is just a silly little PWP lemon I wrote as a present for a friend of mine. It's pretty bad, but there's nothing wrong with a little yuri goodness between friends, is there?

Axl: Oh, no. No, there isn't.
Tomoko: Jesus, you're giddy as all get out, aren't ya?
Axl: It's a sex fic and we have it? Oh, yeah, the stars have aligned!

And if you haven't figured it out by now, be warned, this is porn. Specifically, lesbian porn. Even more specifically, lesbian porn with a bit of a kink factor.

James: And it's not in the Neo Esaka's hands? We have a fic that doesn't suck, huh?
Axl: *gets a bowl of popcorn* Oh, this is gonna be good!
Rory: *grabs a handful of popcorn* Man, and this is what gets you all excited? What was the last fic you've seen, Ax?
Axl: A shitty "Twilight" fic where Bella got raped and she was blamed for it.
Mai: Disgusting.

Escape now while you can, and don't say I didn't warn you.
Sentences that use these * are thoughts, and CAPS are used for emphasis. Just to let you know.

Mai: Must've been before italics were used better.

Also, I don't own any KOF characters. Duh.
And yes, my mother knows I write this stuff. Does YOUR mother know you read it?

Rory: I don't think that any of our mothers need to know... like that time I took my dad's Playboy magazines.
James: Funny thing, he actually did want to read the articles.
Rory: Yep!
Tomoko: You ignored boobs and paid attention to words? You're something else, Hancock.

Closing Time

"You know, it's shit like this that gets you banned from here."

Vice smiled as innocently as she could manage. "What?"

Ryo Sakazaki snorted derisively.

"Don't play stupid, Vice," he said, leaning against the wall. "King's still really pissed off at you. 'Sometimes the rohypenol settles at the bottom of the glass; you might want to drink it down, just to be sure.' Sound familiar?"

James: She gave her a bloody roofie colada?!
Mai: Only you would know about drugs and poison...
James: Obviously. My knives are laced with it.

"Oh, come on!" Vice objected. "I was KIDDING when I said that!"

"Yeah, but you really DID spike her drink!"

"Well, I just want to go apologize to her then!"

"No way in hell."

Rory: You thought about bribing him?

Vice sighed, and leaned against the wall beside him, realizing her chances of getting past him into King's office were nil. She pouted, idly toying with the bouquet she'd bought, the velvety softness of the rose petals somewhat comforting.

*No way in hell, huh? Well, I'm willing to wait until hell freezes over if that's what it takes...*

Tomoko: James, start freezing the joint.
Axl: Whoo-hoo!

If you wanted to find Vice, you'd look in the Illusion first. She and Mature had plenty of free time these days since the Orochi Clan had been disbanded back in the winter of '97.

Mai: More like "dead" or "sacrificed"... that sort of stuff.

They were currently stuck living with Iori Yagami in his seedy little apartment in Osaka, finding temp jobs where-ever they could. It was NOT a happy family situation.

Rory: Who would be happy living with Iori Yagami... oh.
James: Yeah. Kira Sue.
Axl: Man, screw Kira and her mythology wrecking ass.

"It's your own fault, Iori," Mature would say crisply whenever Yagami complained about them being there. "If you didn't keep injuring our employers, we wouldn't be in the situation we're in right now, would we?"

"But..!" he'd start to sputter, only to have her cut him off again.

"But nothing! True, I have no regrets severing ties with Mr Bernstein, but Lord Goenitz refuses to take our calls! And let's not even discuss what happened with the God." (Orochi, the Destroyer of Worlds and Messenger of the Gods, had been cranky after being awoken from His thousand year slumber, and had intoned, "Screw j00 guyz. i'm g0in back 2 bed.") "It's only fair that you put us up for a while."

Tomoko: Orochi learned chatspeak? Someone better introduce him to online shopping and see if he catches on.

A "while" was going on five years now, and Yagami dispaired of ever getting rid of them.

Mai: Yeah, five years is also the average timeframe to find a good fic.

In the meantime, Vice spent a lot of time thinking about King, trying to figure out ways to get her alone, to get to know her.

Intimately, perferably.

Vice'd shown up alone at the bar tonight for just that reason, waiting quietly at a table for closing time to roll around. She checked her watch briefly, then scanned the bar. It was late; a lot of people had gathered their things, calling it a night. The pert, cute twin barmaids were busy trying get rid of the two remaining customers, a drunken Joe Higashi and his companion (an equally drunken idiot in a pink gi) who sat at an empty bottle-covered table off in a corner.

James: Dan Hibiki. He still hasn't paid off his phone bill, huh?

Other than that, the Illusion was completely deserted.

Well, King was in her office, of course. She had closed out one of the two registers already and disappeared into the back to count out the drawer and start the evening's paperwork.

Vice had seen this as the perfect oportunity to make her move, thinking that King might enjoy a little company. She looked critically down at herself, brushing her hand over her jacket. This tailored charcoal-colored suit was her favorite, one of the few she owned with pants. She looked quite dashing, if she might say so herself, ready to sweep a lady off her feet.

Mai: Someone's been doing their homework. A nod to when she was Rugal's secretary, perhaps?
Axl: Since when have we ever mentioned an author getting things right for a change?
Rory: Aside from the last KOF fic that we've read?
Axl: The last one was "A Cruel Angel's Thesis", Rory.
Rory: ...the one before that.
Axl: Oh. Yeah.

"Does Mature know where you are?"

Vice blinked in surprise for a moment, then glowered at Sakazaki. "What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?"

Tomoko: It means excatly what you think it means, Miss Horny.

"I'm just thinking maybe she wouldn't be too keen on you being here again," he said, folding his arms. "I mean, doesn't she get jealous?" As if that weren't too subtle, he looked pointedly at the payphones near the restrooms. "You should be thinking about how she'd react if she found out."

James: I don't know, jealous lovers can really kill a story.
Axl: Yeah, too bad that that stuff's a trend in stories now.

"Thanks," she said flatly. "You're all heart, Sakazaki."

*Sonofabitch! Why did he have to mention Mature? Now I'm gonna feel all guilty...*

Vice took a deep breath to calm down, reflecting that as far as the Illusion's clientel were concerned, she and Mature were indeed inseperable.

Rory: In more ways than one, of course.

No-one was safe when the two of them were on the prowl together. They exuded a strange, almost incestuous glamour, drawing the attention of everyone whenever they entered the bar. Yagami tended to roll his eyes when they came home laughing over the night's conquests, but he still listened eagerly, didn't he? Sometimes he called them the Twin Terrors.

Vice knew the Illusion inside and out because of said conquests, had discovered with Mature every secluded corner where one could entertain without attracting unwanted attention.

Axl: *intently listening* Go on...

For example, just left of the small stage was an even smaller dressing room where the two of them had cornered Shermie one night after CYS had finished playing a set; Vice dropped to the floor to service her while Mature had paid special attention to Shermie's impressive bosom. That little tryst hadn't lasted very long. After about five minutes, Shermie emitted a few short, high-pitched cries of "Oh!" and damned near broke Vice's neck when her muscular thighs closed around Vice's head.

Axl: *giggling*
Mai: Any more of this and you'll start begging Sonia to write some erotica for you as a gift.
Axl: I wish, but we're nowhere near my birthday.

The ladies' room was another place to hold forth, leaning against the porcelain sinks and making choice comments about people as they came in and out. Vice was sometimes impressed by Mature's knack of singling out who shared inclinations similar to theirs. Once Mary Ryan came in, and Mature extended her the offer of Vice's services; to Vice's surprise, Mary accepted, smiling nastily. Before Vice could blink she found herself on the tile floor, with Miss All-American Cop, one of Southtown's finest, shoving the steel toe of one engineer boot under Vice's nose.

"Shine it for me," Mary hissed.

Vice faltered, then gave a surprised wail as her ass was strapped by Mary's thick leather belt.

"Do you want an engraved invitation?" asked Mary, and brought the belt down hard again. "Come on!"

Tomoko: I'm starting to wonder if I should do that to a certain princess now...
Rory: Uh... you do you, Tomoko. I'm not gonna judge.

Vice needed no further encouragement. Her pulse pounding in her clit and her face flaming red, she had laved her tongue over Mary's boots while Mature watched with amusement. As far as Vice was concerned, Blue Mary was Lady Mary after that. She hoped one of these nights Mature would agree to let Mary drag her handcuffed out of the Illusion and sling her over her motorcycle.

Tomoko: Yeah, I'm really thinking about it now.
James: Jeez, Axl's gonna die of blood loss before this fic ends.

And the back room where the pool tables were... There was a story THERE. One night Yagami had joined them, and they sat drinking under the glow of one of the hanging stained-glass lamps. Who should come walking into the room and straight over to them but Chizuru Kagura, wearing a near-scandalous red dress that showed off her well-turned dancer's legs. She was focused on Yagami, then stopped short when she saw Vice and Mature.

"I didn't know you were... entertaining, Yagami..." Kagura's cultured voice slurred slightly. She'd clearly been drinking a bit. "I should leave you alone."

But she hadn't left. She just stood there, looking at them all through narrowed eyes.

Vice still didn't know what had possessed her to say it, but she gave Kagura an evil grin and said, "You want to sit with us, Yata? Too bad we don't have an extra chair. Of course, you could always sit on my lap."

Mature choked on her Gibson and shot Vice a lethal look.

Mai: Uh-oh.
James: "Uh-oh," what?
Mai: One of Mature's dislikes happens to be the Kagura family.
James: No wonder.

Kagura tottered a bit on her heels, then surprised them all by mumbling, "Ah. Well, I'm not too heavy..." and perching herself on Vice's knees, wrapping one arm around Vice's shoulders.

Whatever Kagura had been drinking had certainly hit her hard. She was very open to suggestion, the possibilities of which Vice found highly entertaining.

Mature did not.

"I'm not going to sit idly by and watch you sport with that Shinto cunt," Mature had snapped, snatching up her coat and angrily thrusting her arms into the sleeves. "I'd sooner sleep with Rugal again.

Axl: So she is Adel and Rose's mom!
Rory: Ha!

If you know what's good for you, love, you'll leave with me now." And she stalked out of the bar.

Yagami, on the other hand, found this completely hysterical. He set himself up just in front of the doorway, glaring dangerously and snarling at anyone who tried to see what was going on in the dimly lit pool-room.

James: Of course he's the only guy who gets to look.
Rory: *as Iori* Mine!

Vice laid Kagura out on one of the pool tables, hiking up her skirt and stroking between her thighs. "There's no reason we can't put the past behind us, is there, Yata?" she purred, teasing her fingers over the thin fabric of Kagura's underwear. Plain white cotton; Vice wasn't particularly surprised. "After all, we're both reasonable adults, aren't we?"

Tomoko: *while watching Axl shove a big handful of popcorn into his mouth* Most of us are.

"Yes," moaned Kagura, moving her hips against Vice's carresses. "Yes. Yes."

"I'm glad you agree." Vice reached into the other woman's underwear, insinuating two fingers into the welcoming slickness of Kagura's cleft. "Mmm... Nice and tight. You've been a good little priestess, haven't you?"

"Oh!" Kagura clutched frantically at her breasts and tossed her head, her thick black hair making a whispering noise against the green felt of the table-top. "Oh..."

Vice ripped aside the cheap cotton. "We'll fix that."

Mai: That's a very odd definition of "fix", isn't it?
Axl: Hee, nope!

After a few hours, during which she had the priestess calling her "Ma'am" and using "Please" and "Thank you," Vice set Kagura back on her feet, straightening out her skirt and letting her wobble away as best she could. Yagami immedietly abandonded his post by the door and dragged Vice out to the bar.

"That," Yagami laughed, ordering beers for both of them, "was fucking beautiful."

Vice giggled; her forearms were sore and both hands wrinkled as prunes. "Well, now I've really given Yata a reason to hate me once she sobers up."

Yagami gave a wave and sneered, "The meddlesome tart had it coming. I'm sick of her sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. Serves her right."

He'd then raised his pint of Pora Ichiban and toasted her.

James: We know he doesn't act like that, but work with us here. The fic isn't shit, for Christ's sake.

Back at the apartment however, Vice yelped and ducked flying plates while Mature shrieked, "How could you TOUCH that bitch?" and Yagami bellowed at Mature for using his tableware as projectiles. A huge argument errupted, the outcome of which was Mature demanding that Vice sleep on Yagami's dilapitated couch for a week. Her back was stiff and sore for some time after that, but Vice didn't care; it had been oh so worth it...

Rory: Is it like touching lava?
Tomoko: Anything that isn't gonna kill you or anyone around you is worth it, Hancock. Be a little loose once in a while.

Really, the only place in the bar she'd never set foot was King's office. She'd come in tonight hoping to change that, wearing her best suit and bearing an peace-offering of roses. She didn't know why she wanted King as badly as she did. Sure, there was the conquest aspect, but there was more involved. Hell, King was just beautiful, from those strong, hard-kicking legs to those elegant androgynous features. She was a tough lady who could take care of herself, something Vice could admire. And she was blonde. Vice grinned, now thinking of Mature as well. Blondes were a good thing.

Axl: Someone get Jessie to dye her hair again!
James: She's not going to let you watch, just saying. She likes her privacy.

The only thing that truly prevented her from getting King alone to talk to her was Sakazaki. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, miffed.

*If only I had a distraction to get rid of this bastard... Does he EVER wear anything other than that shredded orange gi?* Vice wrinkled her nose. *Does he ever bathe, for that matter? Even Yagami showers at least once a week. What the hell does King SEE in this guy?*

Rory: Soba noodles.
Mai: I thought that they switched to barbecue.
Tomoko: Yeah. It doesn't suck.

"Ryo."

Vice looked up to find Yuri standing there, clearly dressed to kill. She had never really seen her outside of the tournaments; Yuri's usually bratty, tomboyish attitude had left such an lasting impression that Vice was pleasantly surprised by the sight.

Rory: Well, you wanted a distraction, and you got it.

*That was a damn good trick! How did I manage that?*

James: Plot said so.

Yuri wore a short, dark blue dress that bared her shoulders and just enough cleavage. Her long, dark brown hair was loose, falling in a cascade over one pale shoulder, and a pair of dainty pearl earrings dangled from her ears. She also had her arms folded across her chest and murder in her eyes.

"Ryo, take me home. Now."

"Yuri..?" Sakazaki blinked. "What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to have a date with Ro-"

"Don't even say that namesky right now!" Yuri snapped, holding up one hand. "If I hear it I'm gonna scream! Rat bastard! He takes me out to a nice restaraunt and what does he do? Ogle our waitress!"

Tomoko: Yeah, we needed an excuse to get rid of him so the fic can continue.

"I can't leave just yet," he said distractedly, keeping his eye on Vice.

Yuri glanced at Vice, then rolled her eyes. "I'm sure King can take care of herself. Just take me home, Ryo."

Sakazaki faltered, finding the choice between family obligation and protecting his lover a difficult one.

Rory: Clone yourself. Look at how well Kyo's taking it.
Mai: Far from well, actually.

"Ryo!"

He sighed, slumping his shoulders. "Fine. I'll go get the car."

With a passing glare at Vice, Sakazaki made toward the exit, leaving Vice behind to eye Yuri curiously.

*This,* Vice decided, *is a woman to contend with.*

"Still giving King a hard time, huh?" Yuri said, cocking her head and grinning at Vice. "You don't give up, do you?"

"Nope," answered Vice, returning the grin.

Yuri gave her a thumbs-up. "Well, good luck. Maybe you can thaw out the Ice Queen." She laughed at the raised eyebrow Vice gave her, adding, "I don't care what my brother says, I think King complains a little TOO much when you hit on her. That says one thing to me: REPRESSED! She needs to be taken for a little ridesky, if you know what I mean..."

Axl: And so it begins. The grand dirty scene of our time.
Tomoko: Really jumping the gun there, James.

Vice couldn't help laughing out loud at that, thinking, *I really need to hang out with this girl more often...*

"Hey," she said aloud, "I'm sorry to hear your date went badly."

"Eh." Yuri gave a weary shrug. "I'm actually kinda used to it by now. Robert's too damned suave for his own good."

"You know," Vice continued in a confidential tone, leaning in to put a hand on Yuri's shoulder. "I'm better behaved than Robert is."

Mai: And I have a bridge to sell.

"Bullshit," said Yuri cheerfully, brushing her off. "I've seen the way you act, even when Mature's around." She clapped Vice on the back once, added, "Anyway, I'm outskies; good luck!" and headed out of the bar.

*Does EVERYONE have to mention Mature?*

James: Well, yeah. That's part of the whole thing.

Vice sighed, looking out over the bar again. Higashi and his friend were holding eachother up as they stumbled towards the door, the twin barmaids all but pushing them out.

No one was paying any attention to her...

*Well,* she thought, steeling herself, *Now or never.*

Rory: We wouldn't have a fic if it was "never", right?
Axl: *while drinking his soda* Nope.

She slipped quietly over to King's office door and gave a cautious knock.

"Sally?" King responded.

Vice blinked, then remembered the barmaids. "Uh, yeah," she said faintly, hoping it'd pass.

"Come on in."

She cracked the door to peek in, then stepped into King's office.

King sat at her desk bent over a ledger, her brow furrowed as she scanned the page. She brushed her blonde hair from her eyes, an elegant, careless gesture that made Vice want to pounce on her then and there. She'd discarded her tie, setting it to the side, and unfastened the first few buttons on her shirt.

Axl: And then--
James: Keep your pants on, mate. Oh, right... you can run around without pants.
Axl: Squirrel power, man. Squirrel power.

Nearby sat an untouched drink, an olive floating listlessly in the clear, almost irridescent liquid. She reached out one hand to take hold of it and sip, then put it aside as well and started writing in the ledger.

Vice cleared her throat.

"What is it, Sally?" King began, looking up. She dropped her pen when she saw Vice in the doorway. "How did you get past Ryo?"

"Your watchdog had family matters to deal with."

"What do you want, Vice?" King said, glaring at her over the desk.

"Do you have to ask at this point?" asked Vice, grinning widely.

Tomoko: Conversation's over, everyone needs to go home now.

King snorted. "You're damned persitant. I will give you that." She leaned back in her chair, resting her hand on the desk and drumming her fingers. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't just boot you out now."

"How's this for a reason?"

Vice tossed the bouquet onto the desk, where it landed with a soft, rustling sound, scattering a few petals on the blotter.

King frowned. "What the hell is this..?"

"It's a bouquet of roses."

Rory: And they're all full of bees!

"Thank you, Miss Smartass. Now let me rephrase the question; why the hell did you throw a bouquet of roses on my desk?"

"They're for you, of course!"

"For... for me?" King stared at the roses. "Huh."

Vice smirked, but gave a noncommital shrug, saying, "It's just that I want to apologize for making you uncomfortable." She ducked her head in what she knew was a cute manner and looked at King shyly through her reddish-brown bangs. "I never wanted to do that."

She closed the office door behind her.

"I realize that I've been too pushy," she continued, walking toward the desk, "and I really haven't thought about how you feel. Anyway, it finally dawned on me; just because you look and dress the way you do, it doesn't mean you're, you know, butch or anything..."

Tomoko: Took you that long to figure it out, huh?

"About bloody time you figured that one out," commented King.

Tomoko: ...huh. Fic knows what I'm thinking.

"No, after watching you for a while, I know now what you want."

James: *points at Axl* I know what he wants, though.
Mai: This will probably be the only time he'll be allowed to misbehave, too.

King arched one brow at her, and drawled, "Oh, do you now?"

Vice hopped up and sat cross-legged on King's desk, taking the bouquet into her lap.

"I've been going about this all wrong. You don't want people throwing themselves at your feet, you want to be swept off them." She picked a petal up from the blotter, focusing on it as she rubbed it between her thumb and forefinger. "Sakazaki's never brought you flowers, has he?"

King looked surprised. Then she turned her face away, and she stammered out, "He's also never treated me differently just because I'm a woman."

Mai: Tell that to Benji.
Rory: *shudders* I can't deal with any more of that "stay in the kitchen" junk.

Vice struggled to keep the smug tone out of her voice. "Yeah, but does he treat you like a woman?"

"What is THAT supposed to mean?"

Axl: *with a megaphone* It means that she wants to do you!
Tomoko: *snatches the megaphone out of Axl's hands and hits him on his head with it*
Axl: Gah!

"Oh, don't get all mad," Vice laughed. "I just meant that sometimes it's nice to be romanced, that's all." She cocked her head. "So what are you doing after work?"

King was silent.

"Come on, what do you say?" Vice continued. "You finish up here and I'll take you out. How does a late dinner sound? Maybe some dancing? I know this lovely little place where-"

Tomoko: I'll do it if you're only giving me the food part and you're paying.

"Stop it, Vice." King cut her off sharply. "You're not a man."

Vice blinked at the bitterness in King's tone. "So what?"

"So what the hell do you think you can offer me?" snapped the other woman.

"I refuse to accept that as an honest answer," Vice said, shaking her head. "I know you have gender issues, but you can't really be that dense. You know what I'm offering."

"I'm NOT a lesbian."

King's denial had been a bit too vehement, and Vice knew she'd hit a nerve.

"Neither am I, really," Vice countered. "I like to think of my preference as 'anything-that-moves.'" She grinned. "It means always having a date for Saturday night."

James: Yeah, about that... there's this green-haired woman who visits Jess from time to time.
Rory: Oh, yeah? Where does she live?
James: Someplace called "Makai". I have no clue where that is, actually.

King opened her mouth to say something, then appeared to think better of it.

"Look," Vice said softly, trying to put her at ease, "I know you think I'm just constantly on the make, and I'll admit my libido has gotten me into, ah, a predicament or two in the past...

Mai: *as Vice* As a matter fact, I've lost count.

But I really find you a very attractive woman, King." She motioned to the bouquet in her lap. "Maybe flowers are a little cliched, but I bought you these because I want to show you I mean what I'm saying." Vice chucked. "I'm not talking about a grand romance or anything here, but all you have to do is say the word, and I'll treat you how you deserve."

Thin-lipped, her face set, King stared at the bouquet.

*There,* Vice thought smugly. *Let her mull THAT over for a bit.*

Remembering the rose petal in her hand, Vice pulled out her wallet. If nothing else, she'd actually made it into King's office AND had her attention; that was reason enough for holding onto the petal as a keepsake. She stuck the petal into her wallet and closed it with a snap that made King look up.

*Poor thing.* Vice smirked inwardly at the look on King's face. *She looks so confused. Maybe I laid it on a little thick, but dammit, it's true. She IS beautiful, and I DO want to treat her the way she deserves.*

King gave an awkward cough, her cheeks a bit pink, then said at last, "Well, by all rights I should thank you for the roses."

*That's as good an invitation as any!*

Mai: Well, it looks like we will be taking a short break here.
Axl: Agh! Why?!
Rory: When you think about all that soda you just guzzled, don't you need a bathroom break or something?
James: Yeah, we can't tackle this thing in one whole sitting.
Axl: Nope. I have a strong bladder, guys. Helped with my study nights.
Tomoko: Well, you ain't studying right now. Use the damn bathroom.
Mai: *tries not to laugh* I see that you're rather blunt, Tomoko.
Tomoko: Hey, I didn't get through life playing soft. I also don't want to see a piss tape that stars a squirrel, either.
James: *laughs*
Rory: *stunned* Wow. Just... wow. I have no words there.

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Continue to Part Two
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