Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Black Crow Crew, Episode 8: Sonic: Dead or Alive?

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Sonic: Dead or Alive?

Cassy: Most likely alive. Just like Shadow, it's impossible for Sonic to stay dead.

By:Kari_Kamiya
Author's Note: This takes place after the episode of the doomsday project. This has nothing to do with any of the other episodes of SatAM.

Kyo: Long story short, if you've never seen that one episode out of twenty-six, then you're boned.
Jessie: Way to throw everything on the burner, author.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything about Sonic or the comic book characters. The only thing I own is the characters I make up so don't sue me.

Cassy: Nobody would want to sue her, anyway.
Miyu: What if she used Anne Rice's characters, Cassidy?
Cassy: Oh. Yeah, that's also true.

She saw him fall, he fell into darkness.

Kyo: "Darkness"? Oh, crap! We're not reading that garbage fic that Sonic told us about, are we?

Who is she you ask?

Jessie: We never asked to begin with.

Her name is Tanya, a teenage two-tailed fox who has just begun to work with the freedom fighters.

Cassy: *woodenly* Oh, look. It's another one of Tails's relatives. Wonderful.
Miyu: *nervously laughs*

She looked down the hole in the ground. All she saw was complete darkness.

Kyo: Yep, it's that fic that Sonic told us about. We're screwed.
Cassy: *tosses a razorblade* Here, complete your "darkness" with that.
Kyo: How many of those things do you have?
Cassy: Enough for the "Angsty Past Sues" to off themselves in a Satanic ritual.

"Sonic! Sonic please answer me?"Tanya yelled
Sally fell to her knees and cried. Knuckles was shocked, his best friend and his rival was gone for good.

Jessie: Knuckles? He wasn't in that show. Where the hell did he come from?
Miyu: Why don't you ask Dulcy that same question?

Tails was speechless. His only true hero and friend was gone. He walked up to Tanya. His hands were trembling. "Is he gone? Please tell me he's not gone."he said

Cassy: Yep, he's gone, kid. It's now called "The Tanya Show".

"Tails, I'm sorry. I don't mean to say this but..."

Kyo: *as Tanya* ...you've just won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes! Congratulations, Miles Prower!

"I knew it! That idiot! He knew he couldn't fight eggman alone!"

Miyu: I guess Power Rings didn't exist in this fic, either.

He started sobbing and Tanya just hugged him tight. She looked at the fox for a minute. He wasn't the premature 8 year old anymore. He was 12 years old and maturing into a teenager.

Cassy: Did the Doomsday Project age him that fast?
Kyo: It's either that or the kid's been eating his Wheaties.

"Who will I look up to now when I'm alone? I have no family, I had Sonic and now he's gone!"he sobbed

Jessie: Somebody's forgotten about "Aunt" Sally and "Aunt" Bunnie.

Tanya wiped the tears from his eyes and looked into his sad, blue eyes. "Tails, I have something to tell you, I am your sister."

All: *labored breathing* Luke...

Tails pulled away from her."What? You're my sister? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Miyu: Because "drama" had to be created.

"Because I didn't know that you were my real brother or not. If I would've told you earlier when we first met, you would've jumped the gun and then if you weren't my brother you would've sobbed and cried and would've hated me."

Miyu: See? Wonderful... drama.
Cassy: *rolls her eyes*

"Why didn't you come and find me when I was lost?"

Kyo: Bullshit excuse, coming up!

"Because I got lost too! I tried to find you when you were 8 but I was 12 back then and I didn't know where I wanted to go and who my family was. I had amnesia."

Miyu, Cassy: *flatly* What.
Jessie: *rolls her eyes* At least she remembered that she had amnesia.
Kyo: *gets up* And there it is! I'm leaving, ladies.
Miyu: Hang on, Kyo.
Kyo: *sighs, sits back down* You just love to see me sit through this torture, don't you, Miyu?
Cassy: I do.
Kyo: Your name's not Miyu, Goth Kitty. Keep it zipped over there.
Cassy: *scoffs*

"Oh bullshit!"

Jessie: See, Tails agrees with Kyo! We can let him leave!

"Tails! Whatch ya mouth!"said Bunnie

Miyu: It's not really "said". More like "shouted".

"Shut up Bunnie!

Cassy: Kid needs a good spanking right now.

Tanya, I don't even know why the fuck you wan't to come back after all these years! All this shit about the powers of darkness didn't happen until you came along!"

Kyo: Lesson number one in language abuse... to make yourself sound "edgy", abuse harsher curse words like "fuck" and "shit". Let's go to the online gaming circuit for our field trip today, kids.

"Dammit Tails!"said Tanya "Robotnik knew about the powers of darkness before you guys did, it wouldn't have made of difference if I came or not."

Miyu: Yes, it would've. See, if you didn't exist, there'd be no scapegoat.
Jessie: I guess they're too dumb to realize that Robotnik is evil as crap.

"You know, I really started to like you but now I see that you're just a bitch who's just trying to put her problems on somebody else! I hate you and I wish I never had a sister!"

Cassy: Now if only other canon characters could tell off their Relative!Sues like that...

Tails flew off. "Tails wait!"

Kyo: Go, Willy! Swim away from the fic!

"See what you did by coming here?"said Knuckles
She turned to face him. His face was angry, stern, and on the verge of crying."What are you talking about?"Tanya asked
"When you first came here you were a pest, and you're still a pest now!"
"I thought you loved me."
"I did, until I found out how much of a bitch you are!"

Miyu: Whoa! If I wanted to see this much badly done drama, I'd tune into a soap opera!
Cassy: All canceled, dude.
Miyu: Telenovelas?
Cassy: Yeah, that's your next best bet.

Hot tears fell down Tanya's eyes.

Jessie: Kyo... what did I tell you about boiling random people's tears?
Kyo: Look, I may or may not have done that, okay? Besides, Mary Sues can heal themselves with adamantium.

She punched him in the face and he fell to the ground. "I hate you Knuckles!"she yelled
Tanya ran off in a different direction than Tails.

Cassy: Great, now we have to bring the screwed up family together!
Miyu: I thought she wanted to chase after Cousin Tails! Why is she running in the opposite direction?

Knuckles sat up and looked at the ground, hot tears also falling down. "I didn't mean it."his muttered "I do love you."

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Kyo... I hate you, slept with Cassidy, and now I love you again.
Kyo, Cassy: *confused* What the heck, Miyu?

Tanya stopped by a nearby tree and sat down. "They're wrong. I never asked to come here, I never asked to have a brother or love Knuckles, it just happened."she sobbed

Jessie: *coughterriblesympathywhoringcough*

She remembered how this whole darkness started...

Cassy: Down the road. Down. The. Road.

(Note: This is really the whole story! Tanya didn't know what Robotnik was really up to!)

Kyo: Why can't authors shut up so we can read their stuff? Stop helping us!

Tanya was flying out in the air, looking for the key she lost. Tanya was 16, skinny, black hair, and green eyes.

Cassy: What, we couldn't get a description earlier? Was that too much to ask?
Miyu: And just in case you forgot, fellow readers... Tanya is skinny.
Jessie: There's no such things as overweight Sues, Miyu. Natural fact.

'I hope nobody finds that key, if they do, Mobius is doomed. I just hope nobody-'

Kyo: Man, if the fate of the world was in her hands, I'd hitchhike to another planet, pronto.

A fox came strait for her and they both fell to the ground. "Hey kid! Why don't you watch where you're going?"she said

Cassy: Hey, at least he didn't lose a potential doomsday key!

"I'm not a kid, I'm Tails!"he said
"Tails? As in Tails of the freedom fighters?"
"Yes, I'm a member."

Miyu: Yes, the Knothole Freedom Fighters are basically the equivalent of meeting the patrons of Cheers.

"I need Sonic the hedgehog's help! He's the only one that can help me."

Jessie: Ah, everyone wants Sonic's help. Are the other members that crappy?
Miyu: Unfortunately, yes. They're all useless without Sonic.

"Why?"
"Because I fear that Dr. Robotnik has something very powerful that can destroy Mobius."

Kyo: What'd he do, take it from your nightstand or something?

The two flew off to Knothole. She saw Sonic talking to Sally."Oh thank goodness I found you."she said"I need your help, I need you to help me find the key that I lost in Robotropolis."
"Why?" Sonic asked
"Because that key is the gateway towards the gateway betweeen this world and the next. It Robotnik finds it, Mobius is doomed. The next world is a demon world where all evil lives."

Cassy: Yep, we're boned. We can all go home.
Kyo, Miyu, Jessie: There'll be no home left, you!
Cassy: Oh, yeah.

"We'll help you."

Miyu: Yes, and Sonic and company trusts her at the drop of a hat. What is this nonsense?

Later that night, Sonic and Tanya snuck into Dr. Robotnik's lab. "I thought he might've gotten the key."Tanya muttered"We have to get it back."
"How?"asked Sonic"He has the key right by his table."

Kyo: And no, we don't need an explanation on how he managed to get his grimy mitts on the key. Who needs a backstory, anyway?

"I sneak over there and grab the key while you crate a distraction."
"Why do I have to do it?"
"He hates you the most."

Cassy: And how the hell would you know that, dude?
Kyo: Sues are psychic, Cass.

"I'll grab the key and you do the disraction."

Jessie: I think we got that, sweetie. Our attention spans aren't crappy.

"Wha'd ya want me to do? Dress up as a gypsy and dance like Esmeralda from the Hunckback of Nortre Dame?"

Miyu: What's with the Earth media on Mobius, author?

Five minutes later...

Cassy: He dressed up like whoever from whatever was just mentioned.

"Go!"whispered Tanya
Tanya pushed Sonic out there in front of Robotnik. Sonic wasn't himself. There he was with black boots, black fishnet stockings, black skirt, red tube-top, black gloves, white wig, and pink lipstick on."What is the meaning of this?"asked Dr. Robotnik

Kyo: *horrified* My god, Sonic's a prostitute!
Miyu: Oh, stop it.

"Why this is just me for dancing."said Sonic in a fake, high-pitched voice

Jessie: Yeah, with a stripper pole.
Cassy: *mutters* You're one to talk.
Jessie: Bite me, Morgan.

'Old Robotnik thinks he's a whore! This is the geek!'Tanya thought

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Hey... at least geeks can make boatloads of money.
Kyo: Why do you think I stopped making fun of them?

She snuck over to the table the key was at. She grabbed it and signaled Sonic to come on. There was a remote control in the floor and Tanya slipped on it.

Cassy: You slipped on a remote control? How clumsy are you, dude?

Doing so, Robotnik looked behind him and saw the falling girl. "So, coming back for the key? That's the fake, I have the real key in my hand."he said
He showed the girl the key that he had in his palm.

Jessie: Ah, stock villiany... when you can't think of any other terrible evil deeds to write about.

Tanya focused her eyes on Sonic and her eyes told him to run.

Kyo: *as Hank Hill* Those were some strange eyes, I tell you what.

Using his super-speed he grabed the girl and ran back to Knothole. "That sucked."said Tanya, after helping Sonic out of the costume

Miyu: Um, and nobody made the effort to try to snatch the key? What the heck, people?!

"This is odd, how did he know that you were coming?"asked Sally

Cassy: Ass pull psychic powers.
Miyu: Or maybe it's because he owns surveillance cameras!

"Don't even ask me, I'm not a computer genius. But I think he might've gotten smarter because that key does make you somewhat smarter."

Jessie: It's too bad that the key didn't help her redundancy issues.

"That's a change."muttered Sonic
Two days later...
Knuckles flew down from Angel Island.

Miyu: He flew? He's not Superman! Come on!

He saw Sonic next to a vixen.

Kyo: I have a different word for that.

As the vixen ran off, he walked up to Sonic."Hey Knux. whassup?"asked Sonic

Cassy: Somebody's been watching way too much "Martin".

"Something's wrong with the master emerald. I think it has something to do with the unusual things that's been happening in Robotropolis."

Kyo: Nothing "usual" happens in Robotropolis. What kind of crack are you on?

"It's been two weeks, this girl named Tanya claims that this key is the portal between two worlds."
"Huh? This sorta sounds like that legend."
"What legend?"

Miyu: I'm glad you asked that! Let's open the "Mary Sue Plot Hog Handbook", shall we?

"It shall come to pass that a child with enough strength and power shall overcome the great evil and all will be restored. But fear that without the key, harmony will not be restored. The key of darkness shall seal all evil away when it has been put in the right hands of it's rightful owner. Beware of the darkness, it shall try to steal the key. If the key is held by the darkness all will be lost."

Jessie: Care to translate that?
Cassy: If a bad guy snatches it, darkness, blah, blah, blah.

"Knux., no offense...BUT THAT WAS THE DUMBEST PROPHECY THAT I'VE EVER HEARD!"

Kyo: Fair translation, Jess?
Jessie: Fair enough.

"It's true."

Miyu: Want to bet?

"Hey Sonic!"said Tanya
She ran up to him and held the notebook in her hand."I've got great news!"

Cassy: Are you going to be nuked? Because that'll be the best news ever, dude!

"Who's the babe?"asked Knuckles

Kyo: The plot thinnens.

"Oh man! It's Knuckles the Echidna, the guardian of Angel Island! I've always wanted to meet you!"

Jessie: It's the most annoying groupie ever! Everyone, give her a round of applause!

"Like you were saying about the great news?"asked Sonic, annoyed

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* If the news has nothing to do with this fic ending, I'll be one impatient... vixen.

"Oh yeah here's the thing, only I can open the portal, so really he can't do anything with the key without me."

Kyo: And the Mary Sue meter rises!

"That's great news?"

All: Heck, no!

"Yeah, I mean Robotnik doesn't know where Knothole is so he can't really pinpoint where I am."

Kyo: And coming up on "Plot Device Theater", we have... the sudden location of Knothole!

In Robotropolis...
"Blast! If I had captured that brat maybe I would be ruler of this world by now!" yelled Robotnik

Cassy: Last time I checked, Sonic was at the top of the list. Why's some random chick bumping him off the "pedestal"?

"S-sir, if I may say."said Snively
"What is it?"
"I've found the location to Knothole. Whoever you're looking for might be there."

Kyo: See? "Plot Device Theater" works its wonders once again!

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?
"I don't know sir."
"Of course you don't, you're an ididot."

Kyo: "I don't know, sir." *facepalms* Are you kidding me?
Jessie: Ah, an average father and son conversation... if they were father and son.
Miyu: Uncle and nephew.
Jessie: Same thing, kind of.

"Then why is Sonic beating you all the time?"
"WHAT WAS THAT?"

All: He said, "Then why is Sonic beating you all the time?"

"N-n-nothing sir."
"Better be...now, we need to find a way to trap that vixen. Snively, do you still have that robot that we used to 'clone' Princess Sally?"
"Yes sir, in the junk pile."

Miyu: Why in the world is the Sally robot clone still there? If it has nothing to do with the other episodes, then why is--
Cassy: Let it go, Miyu.

"Hmm...well, find the robot and fix her and find a identity to capture. How about another vixen or even a young hedgehog girl? Maybe we'll even capture Sonic as well as the vixen."

Jessie: Look, I know that "vixen" is the correct term for a female fox, but Robotnik sounds like a sexual creep the more he says it.
Kyo: That and looking for young hedgehog girls.

He walks of gloating about his master plan and leaves Snively to his work.
Back in Knothole...
Tanya was training to become a freedom fighter. She sat at a desk, waiting in case of any emergency transmissions. "Some job..."she muttered.

Kyo: Because Sues aren't suited to do desk jobs. It's a fact.

She took out her research notes and her legacy book. Suddenly, a fuzzy transmision comes in. "Hello? *static* is anybody there?"
Tanya dropped her books and papers and looked up the moniter."Yes, is there something wrong?"she asked
"I-I need help *static* I'm in Robotropolis!"
The pictures fade out. Tanya rushes out to Sonic, he resting in a hammock next to a lake."Sonic! Somebody's in trouble in Robotropolis!" she yells
"What?"
"I recieved this distress call from Robotrioplis. This hedgehog girl needs help."
"Amy..."
"Who?"
"Nevermind...let's go!"

Jessie: *woodenly* Wow. I'll be on the edge of my seat for this one.

Sonic sped off. Tanya flew off in the air.

Cassy: Too bad there are no electrical towers in Mobius.

When they arrived in Robotropolis, she saw the hedgehog girl standing and being held by the SWAtBots."Let me go you stupid robot!"she yelled
"Amy!"said Sonic
"So nice of you to join me, hedgehog."said a voice

Miyu: Look, we already know it's Robotnik. We're not stupid.

Dr. Robotnik walked up to the young, pink hedgehog. He pulled out a dagger and stabbed the girl in the stomach. "Amy! NOOOOO!"yelled Soinc

Kyo: Really? That was supposed to be thrilling?

Robotnik stepped from the girl and walked into the pitch black darkness. Tanya and Sonic ran to the fallen hedgehog. He held Amy up to his legs."Amy, please, hang in there."he whispered
"Oh god..."

Cassy: Oh, god... this is hilariously bad.
Jessie: No, it's just bad.

"Sonic...I...I...I hate you!"
"What?"asked Sonic
"You're not an Mobian? Who are you?"yelled Tanya

All: *flatly* Robotic Amy.

'Amy' pushed Sonic off of her and pulled the dagger out of her stomach, circuits fly everywhere."Help! Sonic!"

Jessie: *in a monotonous tone* Help... save me... Sonic... Help... save me... Sonic...

He looked and saw Tanya, being restrained by a couple of SWAtBots."You were so easily tricked hedgehog."said Robotnik
In a flash of light Tanya, the SWAtBots, and Robotnik dissapeared.

Miyu: And the plot continues to... thinnen.

Later in Knothole...
"And you just left her there?"yelled Knuckles

Cassy: Yep. Say goodbye to her, Knux.

Sonic had gotten back to Knothole and just explained the whole story."Knux., there was nothing I could do."Sonic said

Jessie: Yes, you could've! You could've... watched her die a slow death!

Sonic knew that Knuckles cared a lot for Tanya for the past two weeks. He knew just how protective he was of her. Sally's hand rested on his shoulder. "Don't worry Knuckles, Tanya wil be fine. She's smarter than she looks. She'll find a way out."

Kyo: Prove it without a stupid ass pull. Got it?

Back in Robotropolis...

Jessie: Where everything was on sale for ninety-nine cents for today only...

Tanya was in a laser cage in the control room of Robotropolis. Robotnik was circling the cage. "So fox girl, you know how to work this key?"

Miyu: *dressed in a magician's outfit* Yes, she can! Also, she can mangle the plot just, like Amy Rose's "sister" can! But you must ask for one request at a time; there are too many Black Hole Sues out there.

He held up a golden key. "Yeah, so what?"asked Tanya
"You know exactly what I want."
"I'm not telling you the spell."
"You'd better tell me or Knothole will be history!"
"You're a liar."
"Oh am I?"

Cassy: *as Robotnik* I know you are, but what am I?
Kyo: *as Tanya* A doo-doo head!

He snapped his fingers and a monitor showed the location of Knothole."Knuckles..."she muttered
"So what will it be fox? The spell or Knothole."
"Alright I'll tell you...

Miyu: Yes, in order to pull out world threatening things from Mary Sues, you must point to the one person that she lusts over!
Cassy: Thanks for killing us all, you horny ninny.

Father of Chronos, guardian of time
Lend me the power to open the demon world."
"That's it?"

Jessie: *as Robotnik* I mean... that's a pretty stupid spell.

He looked at the key."Why isn't it working?"he asked
"You know the angles, you figure it out."

Cassy: *in a stuffy tone* And what's next on "Plot Device Theater", Sir Kyo and Lady Miyuki?
Kyo: *shrugs* She nukes everything with a holy light?

She grabbed her compact mirror and bounced the laser off the metal and onto the control room panel. Sparks flew everywhere. The cage stopped working.

Miyu: I think we could've figured that out when the sparks flew everywhere!

"SWAtBots! Get her!"yelled Robotnik
Tanya ran as fast as she could. Seeing an opening in the ceiling, she used her tails and flew out.

All: *woodenly* The dramatic escape.

In Knothole...

Jessie: Where everything was on sale for fifty cents...

Knuckles sat at the lake of rings. He was thinking about her, how cute she was, how nice she was to him, how alike they are, and how skinny and slender she was.

Kyo: I was thinking about setting something on fire... mostly "Knuckles".
Cassy: And we got it; she's freaking slim, author! Stop rubbing that crap in our faces!

He saw something flying in the sky. He saw a young vixen."Tanya! Is that you?"he yelled

Miyu: No, it's Dumbo. What do you think?!

The vixen flew to the ground.

Jessie: *as the author* Did I forget to mention that she was a skinny vixen?

Knuckles held her in his arms."Whoa! This is sure a great surprise!"she said
"I missed you kiddo!"
"Oh? Is the great Knuckles worried about a kid?"
"You're not a kid."
"Then why do you call me kiddo?"
"Because I'm older."
"Hmm...so what am I?"

Kyo: *irritated* Ennuyeux! (Annoying!)

"A young vixen."
"Good call."

Jessie: *gets up* I'm hitting the bottle. See you in the morning when I have a hangover, guys.
Cassy: *forces Jessie back into her seat* I'm not dealing with that again, dude.

The two were about to kiss until Tails showed up. "Tanya! You're back!"he yelled "Why are you hugging Knuckles?"
Tanya examined the two of them, blushed, and pulled away from him."N-no reason."she said, laughing nervously

Kyo: You see, Tails... ah, we're going to need Uncle Manic for this, too. Let's find him, shall we?

The three walked back to Knothole. Sonic was standing, impatienly tapping his foot. He noticed the vixen.

Miyu: *cleaning her glasses lenses* I am seriously getting tired of reading that overly abused word.

"Tanya? How did you excape?"he asked

Cassy: Plot hole.

"Light energy."she replied

Cassy: Exactly. Plot hole.

"Huh?"
"I'll explain it to you later. I've got some bad news."
"What is it?"
"Robotnik knows the spell."
"What?"
"But there is a good side to all this."

Kyo: What the hell do you mean, "there's a good side"? You told him the spell, you moron!

"Which is?"
"Well, even if he does open the portal, he'll just die."

Miyu: And the magic show continues.

"What are you talking about?"
"Robotnik's energy won't be strong enough to open the portal and, even if he does survive, he'll be weak and vunerable so the demons will eat him."

Jessie: What. The. Fuck.
Miyu: *places her face in her hands* Oh, my goodness. I don't know how much more I can read. Please tell me that this is ending soon.
Cassy: Sorry, dude.

"Wait, if Robotnik get's eaten, won't the key be eaten too?"
"No, the key in indistructable. Even it is eaten, It'll just come back."
"How?"

All: Ass pull.

"Pure magic."

All: Exactly! It's an ass pull!

"So we just sit back and wait for Robotnik to open the portal."
"Well, there is one little problem."

Kyo: *angry* Oh, what the hell is it now, you?!

"What is that?"
"If he is truly evil in his heart, he will be the controller of that dimension. So what we need to do is, stop Robotnik from opening that portal."

Jessie: You knew he was evil, you were confident that he would die if he tried this, and yet... you forgot that he would be able to control the dimension if he was truly evil?
Cassy: Frickin' moron, dude.

"Just how much reading do you do anyway?"

All: None.

"A lot. If I'm ever to suceed as a treasure hunter, I have to study on anchient history."

Cassy: Too bad she failed in logic.

"Well, I guess you know about the Chaos Emeralds."
"Wait a minute! That's it!"

Miyu: Oh, no... leave those poor gems out of this nonsense, please.

Tanya ran of to the hut she shared with Sonic.

Cassy: And of course, the Sue must live with the main character.

She looked around. "Oh! Why does Sonic have to be such a junky?"she yelled

Jessie: Why're you asking? You live with him!

She looked around the floor, pushing some of Sonic's sneakers and socks out the way. She found some papers and ran out the door.

Kyo: Oh, goody! Maybe we'll find the damn plot written on one of those pages!

She laid them on the ground. Knuckles, Sonic, and Sally were looking over her shoulder. "Hmm...yes, this should be it..."she muttered to herself
She grabbed a stick and started writing into the dirt. Sonic was tapping his foot impatiently. The three of them looked down closer. "I've got it!" she yelled, waiving her hands in the air
Unknowingly, she wacked Sonic and Knuckles in their faces. She broke Sonic's nose. "Oops...forgot you guys were there." Tanya said

Cassy: *exaggerated girly giggle* Being clumsy is so cute!
Kyo: Maybe I should call Dick Cheney and see if he's still shooting people in their faces.

"What were you calculating?"asked Sally
"I've found out how to disable the key from using it's full potential."
"How?"

Miyu: *grabs her top hat* Let's see what's next in our magic show!

"Well, according to my calculations, SONIC! WATCH YOUR STEP! YOU ALMOST RUINED MY CALCULATIONS!"

Kyo: Well, maybe he's dizzy from the blood loss because you broke his goddamn nose!
Jessie: *rubs her forehead* And you have papers... but you chose to write in the dirt.
Cassy: Seriously? The fate of the world is in her hands? Fling me back into space, please.

He looked down and took a step back. "Now like I was saying,"said Tanya"The power of the Chaos Emerald has enough power to stop the whole changing process."
"Good calculating. Now there's one problem."

Kyo: *angry* I know! The fic's not ending!

"Which is?"
"How are we going to find a Chaos Emerald?"

Miyu: *digs into her top hat* I predict that... Robotnik has one.

"When I was being chased by the SWAtBots, I saw a Chaos Emerald inside Robotnik's base. So, we should go to his base and wait there for him to use the key."

Miyu: And next on our magic show... oh, forget it.
Kyo, Jessie, Cassy: Good idea, Miyu.

"Sounds like some kind of plan. Tanya, you're really smart."said Knuckles

All: *frustrated* No, she isn't!

"Runs in the family. My mom, Patricia Prower, was a scientific genius, I think she worked for King Acorn."

Jessie: Nobody cares, Mary Sue.

"Hmm...that last name sound familiar..."

Cassy: *points at a picture of Sally* You think, rocks for brains?

Robotnik walked up to the highest platform in Robotropolis."Now! I shall finally rule the world! Hahaha!"he yelled

Kyo: And then somebody pushed him off. The Eggman quickly went "splat".
Miyu: Maybe Snively did it.
Kyo: I'd say so, yeah.

"Robotnik!"yelled Sonic
"Is that you Sonic? Are you trying to spoil my plans again? Not this time! This time you and those blasted freedom fighters have met their match! Hahahaha!"

Cassy: *raises an eyebrow* This isn't the Robotnik that makes me want to crap bricks. Where is he, huh?

"Knuckles! Take Sally and Tails and get to the control room of Robotropolis! I can take care of Robotnik!" said Tanya

Kyo: *crosses his fingers* Please fail... please fail...

Knuckles carried Sally and flew off in another direction. Robotnik held the key high in the air and dark magic flowed out of it. Tanya was floated up in the air and Robotnik was turned into a demon.

Jessie: Yeah, but he's no Dante.
Miyu: Which one?
Jessie: The non-smoking one.

Tanya felt as her body was being ripped apart. "Ahhhh!" she yelled

Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Yes, I'm pretty sure that's what people say when they're being ripped to shreds.

Sonic jumped real high up into the air and smacked Robotnik in the face. He fell over with a thud and Tanya fell to the ground.

Kyo: When a simple pimp slap saves the world!

Knuckles was tapping his foot impatiently, waiting for Sally to hurry up with the central control. "C-c-can you put me down?" asked Snively
Snively was held up by his collar by Knuckles against a wall. "Shut up." he said
"Knuckles this is impossible! Oh no!" said Sally
"What?"
"This place is going to blow up!"

Cassy: By a pimp slap? I'm not getting it.
Kyo: This is all the action we're getting, ladies. Enjoy the tiny bits that we have.

The two ran away and Knuckles grabbed Snively and flew off.

Miyu: If there's three of them, and one's gliding while carrying another person--
Jessie: Someone got cloned, most likely Sally. Don't think about it too much.

Tanya was unconcious and bleeding. "Tanya! Are you ok?" asked Knuckles, worriedly

Kyo: No, thank goodness.

Bunnie Rabbot and Antione ran into the scene, they were waiting for word from Sonic."Whad'ya doin' up there Sugha Hog?" asked Bunnie
"Tryin' to get rid of Robotnik!" he said sarcastically

Miyu: How's that sarcastic if it's true? Even Sonic's humor is lost on us.

Robotnik floated up in the air and the two of them fell down into a hole Robotnik blasted.

Jessie: And back to the "present day"...

"Why did Sonic have to die so soon?" Tanya sobbed "You idiot!"

Cassy: The idiot's calling someone an idiot because of a key that got snatched from her nightstand or some crap. Yeah, that's some good logic to munch on.

Knuckles knelt down beside her and hugged her close. "It's ok." said Knuckles "I miss him too."
Tanya then stood up and grabbed Knuckles by the hand an ran to the hole. "Sonic! He's still alive!" she said

All: Figured!

Sonic climbed up the hole, bleeding with cuts and bruses. "Sonic!" said Sally
She ran to him. Robotnik floated up in the air. "Hahahaha! Sonic couldn't save this world and neither can you freedom fighters!" he said "Now Sonic! Despair and die!"
He had a black ball of dark energy and threw it to Sally.

Miyu: I thought he wanted Sonic to die. Why is he throwing it at Sally?
Kyo: Maybe somebody can throw the Sue in the way so she can take the hit.

Tanya stood right in the way of the blast and fell over. "You litte brat! Next time, dont get into my way!" said Robotnik

Jessie: *as Moe Howard* Hey, why don't you watch where I'm going?
Kyo: Well. Never mind, that's just as good... even though it was written terribly.

"Tanya!" Knuckles yelled
He ran and held her up in his lap. "Knuckles, take care of Tails for me." she said
"What?"

All: She said, "Knuckles, take care of Tails for me!"

Tanya stood up. She knew that the portal to the other world would close if the guardian's blood was spilled.

Miyu: And as our magic show draws to a conclusion...

She jumped into the hole and there was a giant explosion. Robotnik was turned to dust. "Tanya! No!" Knuckles yelled
Tanya was laying on the ground, dead.

Jessie: So she jumped in a hole, but then she's laying on the ground in the next... "scene".
Kyo: Who cares? She's dead!

"She took her life for me." said Sonic

All: Oh, well!

The next day, nobody was happy.

All: We were!

Tanya was dead and gone for good.

All: So?

Knuckles was the most unhappiest of all.

Jessie: Good. Now you can go back to your regularly scheduled personality and job.

He sat next the lake of rings. Footsteps and looked behind.

Cassy: I didn't know that footsteps had eyes.

There, stood the most beautiful vixen he had ever seen. "Tanya?" he asked

Kyo: Oh, no... oh, hell no!
Miyu: Please... no...

She nodded happily. "B-but, I thought you died in the explosion."

Kyo: *speaking through clenched teeth* I was thinking the same damn thing.

"I did. But, when somone sacrafices for someone who is supposed to die, the death moves in reverse and brings the innocent back to life."

All: Oh, that's bullshit!

"Oh Tanya! I thought I lost you for good."
Held her in his arms. "Tanya!" said a voice
It was Tails, he was crying. He ran and hugged his big sister. "You know, I'm glad you're my big sister." he said

Miyu: Then that makes her... my cousin, more or less. This gives me great pain.
Cassy: *holds Miyu's left hand* Repeat after me... it's just a badfic, I should really just relax...
Miyu: *sighs* It's just a badfic... I should really just relax...
Kyo: Yeah. Thanks, Miss Cassidy Cleo.

"Aww..thank you Miles." said Tanya
"Tanya, I hate that name."
"Well, you were given the name, no matter how dumb it is."

Jessie: You've never heard of legal name changes via the court systems, huh?

"Tanya." said Knuckles, laying a hand on her shoulder
"Knuckles, I love you."
The two kissed while Tails had a disgusted look on his face.

Kyo: You should see my face. It's not a pretty sight.

THE END

Cassy: Y'know, this whole fic must've been a text demonstration of shame and laziness.
Kyo: *burns his copy of the fic* Yeah... I think I'm going to look for my missing brain cells now.
Miyu: I don't think you're going to be alone in that feat.
Jessie: No kidding.

--

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