Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Black Crow Crew, Episode 6: miharu's story of star comand (Part Three)

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Chapter 5 the birth

Miyu: Chapter Five: Minute Ten Begins.

(( a/n: ok i included some character development in this chapter for miharu i rly rly rly hope u like it! ^_^

Cassy: I really, really, really know I won't.

ok but srsly people rly rly rly need to stop being mean its rly bad NYYAANN! TT_TT))

Kyo: Like, really.
Cassy: For serious.
Jessie: I'd like to know where she obtained that extra set of eyes.

miharu and xr had been married for over 7 momths now and since they were married they had gotten prengnan tand had bought a house that orbitted starcommand so xr and miharu still could work there at star command becasue they loved theuir jobs and they loved to work for star command.

Jessie: The Baxter Files, Episode One: The Case of The Missing Commas.
Cassy: Oh, and I think you forgot to mention that they loved to work for Star Command, author.
Miyu: "They had gotten pregnant"?
Kyo: Great, now the robot's knocked up, too? Could this be any more screwed up?!

miharu and xr had bought a house

All: We got that!

and they had a big couch in the livingroom for the 2 of them and the livingroom was painted green and blue and it was really pretty.

Miyu: *pushes glasses up* To you, yes. I'm not sure if the entire reading audience thinks that it's an attractive appearance.

the house had 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms and it had a kitchen and a livingroom and a porch and a movie room and a balcony.

Kyo: If she's not going to pop her kid out in any one of those spots, I don't want to hear about them.
Miyu, Jessie, Cassy: *stares at Kyo*
Kyo: What? You ladies are acting like I've never said anything nuts before.

miharu and xr's room was painted red and gold because red and gold were the colors of miharu's eyes when she wasn't changing feelings but she was sitting in the room one day and then her eye colors flashed all of the colors of the rainbow before stopping. her red eye turned purple after it flashed the colors of the rainbow and her gold eye turned green.

Cassy: How much more of this filler do we need?
Jessie: Should I drink to every long-winded description, too?
Miyu, Cassy: No!
Kyo: I would.
Cassy: Oh, we know that.

"nani? what is this?" she said as miharu looked in the mirror at her new eyes "they changed color nyan~!"

Miyu: Why the heck is she surprised? I thought she could change her eye colors at will.
Jessie: Too bad she couldn't expand her memory at will.

xr rolled up to miharu and said "they must have changed color because you are going through so many changes with your new child on the way!"

Cassy: I wonder what the eye colors will be for the stereotypical pickles and ice cream craving.
Kyo: Green and white. Got another question?
Cassy: Nah, I'm cool.

miharu sighed and said "yes i guess that is right" and then her eyes flashed all of the colors iof the rainbow again before they changed to the colors white and black

Jessie: All this and more, tonight on "Scrambled Television Eye Theater"!

"nanniii?" miharu screamed "they changed again nyaaan?"

xr laughed a bit because miharu was being a bit silly right now

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* "Silly"? Try "painfully annoying", and then get back to me.

but it was ok because he loved her.

Cassy: And then she stalked somebody for no reason, but that was okay, too. Hell, everything she does makes her wonderful! Maybe her poop turns into money, too!
Kyo: Um, Cassy? Your rage is at a twelve. I'd like you to tone it down to an eleven.

( a/n: aawwwwww! )

All: Black Crow's Note: Noooooooo!

so xr and miharu started to decorate the rest of their house they went went to earth to go to the mall to buy some furntature for their new house. so they beamed down to earth and

Miyu: ...Scotty made a cameo!

miharu even though she was preggnentant she still looked really really skinny even though her kid was in her belly. but you couldn't tell she was 8 months preggernant!

Cassy: Oh, no, no, no... this girl really needs some Biology classes. Now.
Jessie: But that's no fun! Who wants to read about logic?

"oh xr i trhink that we should get some new clothes for me and you!"

Kyo: *sarcastically* I guess we don't need clothes for the baby. Stupid leeching kids, always asking to be fed and loved.

miharu said and then her eyes flashed all of the colors of the rainbow and then they turned the colors blue and pink. miharu sighed because she was getting so confused at all of these color changes.

Cassy: Can we just pluck her mood ring eyes out and sell 'em on eBay?

"oh dont worry miharu!" xr said to her "i am sure that your eyes will be back to normal after you have our wonderful baby girl!"

Miyu: Why do Mary Sues never want a baby boy? It's such a mystery.
Kyo: Because the Sue spawn has to be made in the Sue's likeness.

miharu smiled at xr and then she kissed him and then she looked down and then she moaned because the baby was cumming out of miharu

Kyo: And then the baby came... in such a wrong way.
Jessie: Um... is anyone else seriously getting squicked out at that thought?
Miyu: *gets up* That reminds me, I left some beans in the oven!
Kyo: Don't try to run off with that pregnancy riff, Miyu.
Miyu: *nervously laughs, sits back down*

"oh xr oh no the baby is cumming~~!" she screamed and then

Cassy: ...I began to dry heave in a paper bag...
Kyo: Ugh. You want some soda crackers and ginger ale or something?
Cassy: Yeah, that'd be nice, dude.

xr took her hand and rushed her to the shopistal because the baby was on its way

Jessie: Now tell us something we don't know.
Miyu: That's got to be the most unique misspelling of "hospital" I have ever seen.

xr and miharu got to the hospital and miharu was in so much pain because her baby was cuming so soon

Kyo, Jessie, Cassy: Stop the nasty thoughts!
Miyu: At least spell "coming" properly! We'd be a lot less grossed out if you did, author!

so miharu was about to turn into her cursed demon form because she was in so much pain but xr said "no miharu you cant youll hurt the baby if you turn into your dmeon form!" so miharu was ok with the pain but only for xr and the baby

Cassy: But she did anyway, and the sick Sue spawn was nuked from existence. The End.

she was crying and in so much pain because the baby was cumming out!

Kyo: Christ Almighty, that misspelling again...

42 was delivering the baby from miharu and 42 told miharu to push!

"push! 42 said and miharu groaned

"push!" 42 said and miharu groaned again!

"push!" 42 said and miharu groaned again and again!

Kyo: He went down the edge of the row, turned the lawnmower ninety degrees at the end, and then mowed the next row.
Miyu: Cloud turned the lawnmower ninety degrees and then mowed the next row.
Cassy: Cloud turned the lawnmower ninety degrees and then mowed the next row.
Jessie: Cloud turned the lawnmower ninety degrees and then mowed the next row.

so finally a baby girl who was a cyborg because she was half robot half neko demon half god - so she could shape shift - came out of miharu.

Cassy: What was that? The author needs to take biology and math lessons? Alrighty, then.
Miyu: And now we're rapidly approaching minute twelve... where the spawn grows as fast as a beanstalk.

miharu was so glad but she passed out from all of the pain so xr held the baby and said

Kyo: *as XR* Damn. She didn't die during the birth.

"i will name u izumi" he said and then cried

Jessie: *takes a shot* Unfortunately, the only research the author did was for Japanese names. This is incredibly sad.

however in the corner of the room savvy and 42 were angry at xr for marrying miharu

Jessie: Oh, and nothing beats warping the hell out of female characters to the point that they're jealous of your Sue.

"we should get back at him" savvy said to 42

"we should" 42 whispered back

Miyu: They should... with a poorly contrived plan and plot device!

- TOOO BEEE CONNTUNNUEED! -

Kyo: Please... please shoot me in the face with bees.

y?

Cassy: Y nawt?
Miyu: I don't know why! You're the author! You tell us!

chapter 6 - the tragety

Miyu: There's already a tragedy. You see, Spelling and his best friend Grammar died in a horrible slaughter today...

((a/n: ok im back again!! ^_______^ i hope u all like my new oc izumi!!!!!!!!!!))

Kyo: One of them was bad enough... now we have to deal with a terribly conceived spawn?!

~~~~~~~~ Is this it? I'm not sure..

Cassy: Oh, please let this be it...
Jessie: What is she doing with one half of a bobby pin, anyway?

oreta awai tsubasa
kimi wa sukoshi
aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
mou dareka no tame ja nakute
jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

izen to shite shinobiyoru kodoku
uchigawa ni tomoru rousoku
nigiwau ba ni gouka na shanderia to wa urahara ni

tarinai kotoba no
kubomi o nani de umetara ii n' darou
mou wakaranai ya

semete yume no naka de
jiyuu ni oyogetara anna sora mo iranai no ni
kinou made no koto o
nuritsubusa nakute mo asu ni mukaeru no ni

oreta awai tsubasa
kimi wa sukoshi
aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
mou dareka no tame ja nakute
jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

rettoukan to no wakai wa
kantan ni wa kanawanaisa
Jiishiki no teppen ni suwaru
kagami ga utsusu hanabira

furishiboru you ni
kogoreta ai wo sakende miru keredo
modokashikute

meguru toki no naka de
kizuguchi wa yagate
kasabuta ni kowatte iku
kimi wa sore o matasu
totemo utsukushiku
totemo hakanage de

hagare ochita ato no
ubuge no you ni
hi damari no naka de furueru inori
ima wa muri ni dareka no koto wo
ai sou to omowanakute ii no ni

toki ni kono sekai wa
ue wo muite
aruku ni wa sukoshi mabushii sugiru ne
shizumu you ni
me wo fuseru to
kawaita chimen ga namida wo susuru

Why do we feel so alone all the time
Subete wo uketomenakute no ii yo
Why do we feel so alone all the time
koraeru koto dakedo
Yuuki ja nai.

~~~~~~~~

Kyo: Next on "Padding the Living Hell Out of Fanfiction"...
Jessie: I think I found the other half of that bobby pin, guys.

miharu woke up in a bed that had white sheets on it but they were bloody from her baby being born.

Cassy: What kind of cheap ass hospital is this?! They can't even afford to change the sheets!
Miyu: Ironically, the bleeding during birth is the second thing the author got correct.

she was confused because she didnt know where she was and she wanted xr.

Kyo: I was confused because I still couldn't find the plot.

so she sat on the bed and cried a little bit because she missed him so much.

Jessie: And I took a little bit of a shot to dull my pain.
Cassy: Jeez, he's only gone for two minutes, and now you want to cling on to him?

so she hugged herself and then wondered where she and him was.

Miyu: Try the words "they were". I'm sure that it will save you a lot of keystrokes in the long run.

xr took izumi to the nursury but to his surprise she began to grow instantly and became 6 in under 2 minutes!!

Kyo, Jessie, Cassy: *flatly* What.
Miyu: I fear for what event may be in the fourteenth minute.
Kyo: I hope one of those Sues dies in a fire in that timeframe.

"nani?!" xr screamed "izumi-chan, what happened to you?" he asked because his daughter was now as tall as him!

Cassy: She took a crapload of steroids.

"i grew up dad~nyo," izumi said and scuked on her thumb

Cassy: Oh, yeah, she took a crapload of steroids.

"izumi-sama we need to tell your mother!" xr said

Jessie: No, we don't. She probably sent her a psychic letter or some garbage.

but izumi said "no mom already knows we are physicic together"

xr said "so desu ne" and he was very confused because he was not physicic like miharu and izumi

Miyu, Cassy: ...
Jessie: See?
Kyo: You know, this just proves that Stephenie Meyer rips stuff out of bad fanfiction and crams it in hers.
Miyu: But Kyo, this was written a year after that last "book".
Kyo: It's all the same to me. Crap will always be crap.

izumi rolled because seh had xr's wheels and miharu's other parts and things for she was half god half robot half neko demon.

Kyo, Jessie, Cassy: And one hundred percent bullshit.

they rolled down the halla nd saw ty parsex with satoshi and they were making out in the hall but actually they were 42 and savvy in disguise!

Cassy: And the suspense is killed. Thanks a lot, dude.
Miyu: I'm sorry, how can you disguise yourself as a desk who turned into a human, but is basically a desk?
Kyo: *presses two of his fingers to the right side of Miyu's head* Doing this is a more logical answer.
Miyu: *sighs* You're morbid, Kyo.

but izumi didn't know this and xr didn't know thios so they just kept walking past but 42 put a bug on izumi that would slowly drain her life engergy but because she was part god it didn't effect her plus she had an energy shield.

Kyo, Miyu, Cassy: *flatly* What.
Jessie: Maybe I should drink the rest of this stuff now. Forget the crying and gasping.

"nani!" savy said as dressed as satoshi "why didn't it work?!"

Cassy: Because she's a Mary Sue with ass pull powers.

42 said that "she is part god! so she has an energy shield and is all powerful!"

Cassy: I just said that she's a Mary Sue with ass pull powers.

suddenly zurg came out of the closet

Kyo: *laughing* Oh, boy! Man, this version of Zurg was out of the closet and flew off with all of the stereotypes!

and said to 42 and savy who both gasped because zurg was on star command and they were wondering how he got there.

Miyu: Magic.
Jessie: *slurring* Maybe he's at the bottom of this bottle, too! Hee!
Cassy: Yep, she's wasted.
Kyo: Well, that was fast.
Jessie: *hiccups* Look here, Cathy! I can still riff!
Kyo: I've got fifty bucks that says that she'll throw off her shirt and dance on the table after this riffing.
Miyu: Kyo!
Kyo: What? I'm not telling her to do that!

"i think i can be of assistence ladies" he said and then cackled evily

"but i thought you were miharu's father?" 42 said and then she looked at him like he was the devil

Cassy: *as Zurg* Because I am the devil! I've ursurped his throne, you see!

"but i am evil!" zurg said and laughed again.

Kyo: Whatever you say, Mister Fish. Just flop around in those lies of yours.

"but i thought you turned good?" savy said and then gasped

"but i turned evil again because that is what evil people do!!!!!!!" zurg laughed and they all laughed evily together!!!!

Miyu: *as Zurg* Oh, and may I remind you all that my services require a high-end three course dinner? It's one of the perks of being an evil emperor.

~~~~~~~~

Jessie: *slurring* Whee, let's ride the roller coaster!
Cassy: Yeah. Come on, let's get you to bed so we can--
*An audible thud is heard. It turns out that Jessie has fallen out of her seat and passed out on the floor.*
Cassy: Never mind. Just pass out on the carpet there, dude.
Kyo: *scoffs*
Miyu: *shrugs* At least she managed to get through most of the fic.

izume rolled down to see her mom and she jumped into her mom's arms and started to suck her thumb and said, "MOMMY~NYO!!!"

Cassy: Yes, you too can create your own loving freak show demon spawn with illogical fractions!

"izumi-sama!" miharu said and huhgged her daughter with all of her might but not all of it because she didn't want to crush izumi

Miyu: So she didn't hug the daylights out of her. You could've said that, too.

but izumi could take the pain if miharu decided to hug her with all of her might because she was half god.

Kyo: And I'm fully sick of this fic.

suddenly xr started to cough and fell on the floor shaking

Miyu: I didn't know that robots could have heart attacks or seizures.

"xr-san!" izumi said and started to cry, "what is wrong with daddy?"

Kyo: The victim's out of his original universe! Emergency transfer, stat!

"i don't know but i think i can fix it!" miharu said and went over to xr and gave him a kiss and then cried because the kiss ddint'w rok and neither did her tears!

Cassy: Hey, we have a window of opportunity to smite her now!
Kyo: *ignites a flame* Oh, I'm good at doing that, Kitty.

"what's this?!"

Miyu: *in an announcer's voice* XR may have been malfunctioning from a mysterious bug?!
Cassy: Holy crap, you're rather theatrical, dude.
Miyu: *pushes glasses up* I've studied a little, Cassidy.

miharu said and picked a bug off of xr it looked like 42 and savy had put it there!

Kyo: Coming up on "Detective Do Nothing"...

"those terrible people!! Baka baka bakas!" she said and was really upset because xr was dying.

Miyu: They're basically "murderers", and yet you're calling them "idiots". Good job.

zurg came from the shadows and then said "no he will die!"

Cassy: Yeah, I think we got that, Darth Zurg.

miharu started to cry as xr died in her arms and he cried as well and his last words were "zurg, you will pay!" but then he died.

Miyu: So basically, he died twice.
Kyo: Damn, this fic is so redundant.
Cassy: Crying and dying, crying and dying. Man, I use a casket for a bed, and even I'm finding this depressing.

izumi clenched her fists and said "i will kill you zurg, 42, and savy"

Kyo, Miyu, Cassy: How the hell would you know that 42 and Savy did it?!

== TO BE CONTIUNED!!!!!!!!!! ==

Kyo: There's more?!
Cassy: No, I don't think so. Hasn't been updated in a good while.
Kyo: Thank god!

(a/n: opk i hope u rly like this i'll bring you more soon! NYAAAAANNN~!!! ^_____^ )

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Well, let's hope that "soon" translates to "never".
Kyo: *gets up* Yeah, I'm getting out of here. Maybe we can order a pizza or something.
Cassy: What about Jessie?
*The three sober Black Crow members then look at the assassin, who is sound asleep and is slightly drooling on the carpet.*
Kyo: Eh... she's an assassin. Drunk or not, I'm not going near her.

--

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