Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Egg Spiral Crew, Episode 15: Sailor Sun (Part Seven)

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Episode 2 - Eternal Sailor Sun

Tails: But... I thought that she already became Eternal Sailor Sun... *holds his head*
Amy: Your brain's breaking again, Tails.

Chapter 1

Since Ana just had her hair cut Amy's size, nobody noticed her except for Serena.

Sonia: And why does she have to have someone else's hair style? Why can't she have an original hair style?
Manic: Because Mary Sues aren't original.

When it was lunch, Serena came out with Ana and they joined the rest.

"Who's this Serena?" asked Mina
"You don't recognize her," said Serena as she was smiling, "It's Ana!"
"But she died!" said Lita surprised
"She got a hair cut since her hair was singed a couple of times!" yelled Serena

Sonic: I'd laugh if that line didn't creep me the heck out.

All the scouts looked at her closely and realized that it was Ana! Everyone was amazed that she was alive. Everyone started poking at her.

Tails: Stop it, stop! Stop poking the human MRSA virus, please!

Serena explained that Ana had Saturn's rebirth power except she doesn't turn into a baby.

Sonia: Of course she doesn't. She had to quickly return to her proper Sue self.
Manic: Yeah, we can't have the canons gaining their rightful places in this fic for even a minute.

"Your planets also gave me a new power when I rebirth myself! I can turn into Eternal Sailor Sun!" said Ana very happy

Amy: But... you already... never mind.

"While you were dead, I am able to turn into Eternal Sailor Moon on my own. I have a new brooch!" said Serena as she was showing it off.

Amy: The problem wasn't that she showed her brooch off, because she always had it on her school uniform. The problem was that she announced that she was Sailor Moon out loud during school hours. I'm sorry, but... why do Suethors and Stuthors always have to knock her IQ down to the level of a doorknob?
Sonic: Because they hate her, Amy. You also forgot that the Sue yelled out that she was Sailor Sun in public, so now we have two dummies.

Then Ana took out hers. It was silver with a Celestial Star in the middle made out of a rock that was unknown to Earth. It was a stone from the moon. It looked like it was water but solid. It was in a shape of a heart.

Manic: Okay, so Serena doesn't get a description of her brooch... but the Sue does. And we had to stop just so we had to read that crap.

"Wow! Our planets formed your stick into that!" said all the scouts at once
"Amazing huh!" said Ana

All: No.

"I met all your parents on the moon in soul form of course," said Ana, "They are watching you guys all the time and they're very proud of you. Here, they wanted me to give you these."

Sonic: Please don't give us drawn out or boring descriptions that we won't care about...

Ana took out 8 different brooches. Venus's looked like it had positive energy with the sign of Venus in the middle and was shaped like a heart.

Sonia, Manic, Amy, Tails: *groans*
Sonic: *whines as his ears droop forward* Why?

Mercury's was made out of a solid stone water type rock. It had the sign of Mercury and was shaped as a heart. Mars's looked like Fire and had the sign of Mars and was shaped like a heart. Jupiter's looked like lightning and leaves. It had the sign of Jupiter and was in a shape of a heart.

Amy: Will someone please stab me in mine?
Tails: I'm not doing that. Anyway, these are just copy and pasted descriptions! The only difference are the elements from each scout! This is stupid!
Sonia: You're right, but it's also padding.

Saturn's was a dark purple with the sign of Saturn in it and was in the shape of a star. Uranus's was not exactly gold but it was like it and it changed colors in the sun. It had the sign of Uranus in it and it was in the shape of a star. Neptune's was turquoise with the sign of Neptune in it and was in the shape of a star. Pluto's was dark green and had the sign of Pluto in it and it was in a shape of a star.

Manic: Do the stars burn up? Because my brain is burning out.

"Where's mine?!" whined Serena

Tails: ...you already showed off your new brooch earlier... *facepalms, groans* Why is this fic still going?
Sonic: Because we're hated.

"You already have it," said Ana giggling.
"Just say, for the inners: Inner planet Heart Power, Make Up! For the Outers say: Outer planet Star Power, Make Up!

Amy: ...but... the Outers aren't here. Why... never mind.

In a far distant planet
"Mom! Am I the most beautiful person in the universe?!" wined a 13 year old girl named Violet
"Why don't you take a look in the mirror that your father gave to you. It tells the truth, like one of the talisman the Messiah used to have," said Violet's mother.

Manic: Oh, great. Now it's "Snow White: Sailor Moon Edition"!

"Mirror, tell me who is the most beautiful person or people in the universe." commanded Violet looking at her mirror

Sonic: It ain't gonna be you, kid.

The mirror then showed her a picture of the Sailor Scouts and Soldiers.

"I'll kill them all so I can be the most beautiful!" yelled Violet

Sonia: Today's word is "pettiness".
Manic: And it starts with the letter "p", which is what this fic is.
Sonic: *snickers*
Amy: It's also brought to you by the number five. Yes, five, which happens to represent the number of riffers who are still struggling with this fic.

Violet then called all her monsters and servants and told one of her servants to pick five monsters. Her first Servant was a woman called Garnet. Garnet picked Daimon, Pearl, Toique, Golden, and July.

Tails: And we were so close to keeping them in a gem theme.
Sonia: Is that before or after the Suethor drank Listerine?
Manic: During.

On Earth
The scouts explained that Ana can make herself be reborn and that she has a new power. She's more acquainted with Water than with Fire.

Sonic: This just in: Nobody cares.

All the sudden, Pearl cam out!

Amy: Super boring fight scene, begin!

"Inner Planet Heart Power, Make Up!!" yelled all the Inner Scouts.

Mercury was covered in water ribbons as she transformed then she was in a sailor suit like Eternal Sailor Moon except everything was in different colors of blue. Venus was covered in Love Energy ribbons as she transformed. Her suit was like Eternal Sailor Moon except everything was in different colors of yellow. Mars was covered in Fire ribbons as she transformed and then she was in a suit like Eternal Sailor Moon except everything was in different colors of red. Jupiter was covered in thunder and leaves ribbons. She was then in a suit like Eternal Sailor Moon except everything was in different colors of Green.

Sonic: *snores*
Tails: Uh... should we wake him up?
Sonia: Not yet.

"Outer Planet Star Power Make Up!" yelled all the Outers.

Saturn was covered in Purple stars as she transformed and she was in a sailor suit like Eternal Sailor Moon except everything was in different shades of Purple. Uranus was covered in blue and gold stars as she transformed and she was in a suit like Eternal Sailor Moon except everything was in blue and gold. Neptune was covered in turquoise stars as she transformed and was in a suit like Eternal Sailor Moon except everything was in different colors of turquoise. Pluto was covered in dark green stars as she transformed and she had a suit like Eternal Sailor Moon, except everything was in different colors of dark green.

They were all done transforming, the Inners had Heart Pendants and the Outers had Star Pendants.

Manic: *bored* This is what the fic put the most effort into. This copy/paste crap.
Amy: *nudges Sonic awake* Unfortunately. And it still wasn't any good.
Sonic: *wakes up* Oops. Sorry. What'd I miss?
Amy: Absolutely nothing.

"Super, Dead Scream." whispered Pluto as she did her attack that was like her Dead Scream.

Tails: But... it is. It's just an enhanced version... *holds his head*
Manic: Stop using logic, Tails. It's only gonna hurt you.

She blasted Pearl far away. The scouts ran to where she was.
"Sun fire, water, blast!" yelled Eternal Sun as she twirled around with her arms up, standing on one foot with the other on the side of her knee.
Fire and Dry ice started shooting from around her.
"Aaaaaahhhhhhh!" screamed Pearl as she was scratched and burned.
"Water, coral!" screamed Pearl as sharp points of coral rock started shooting from her palms.
"Nobody uses the Sea for evil." murmured Neptune.
"Aqua, Mirror, Violin, Blast!" yelled Neptune as Water music notes started shooting from her wings.

Amy: Wait, wait, wait, the attack mentions her mirror and her violin, but... it comes from her wings? *rubs her forehead* I don't understand any of this.

Pearl was knocked down and couldn't get up.

Sonic: She better get a Life Alert thing.

"Now it's my turn," said Eternal Sailor Moon.
"Moon, Crystal, Power, Blast!" yelled Eternal Sailor Moon.
Sailor Moon blew Pearl into little pieces.

Manic: Holy crap, we're playing "Doom" now?

"I guess your mother gave you a new destruction chant," said Eternal Sun surprised.
"I guess so, but, how come you didn't finish her off?" asked Sailor Moon surprised.

Sonia: Good question...

"I didn't feel like it.

Sonia: ...bad answer.
Amy: I forgot that we don't have to mop up any puddles while we're here, because... wow, that was one giant wank sentence.

Your mother told me to find the peace. I was finishing them off because I was full of hatred." explained Sailor Sun.

Tails: Really poor answer. Also, that didn't make any sense.
Sonic: This whole fic doesn't make any sense.

"Where are the knights?" asked Sailor Sun hopping that Josh was still alive.

Sonia: Oh, we suddenly care about those bland people again?
Manic: Sure they aren't mindless androids, sis?
Sonia: They might as well be.

"They're at Josh's apartment. He was really brought down that you died. He hasn't come to school in a while." explained Pluto.
"Let's surprise them and also scare them!" said Ana excitedly.

Manic: You're a real horse's ass, Sue. There's no other way to put that.

"I'm not sure that's smart," said Amy.
"Oh, come on, It'll be fun!" said Uranus smiling.

Amy: No, it won't. And when is this dumb fic ending?
Sonia: In two chapters. Just hang in there, Amy.

Chapter 2

The scouts transformed back, went into Haruka's car and drove off to Josh's apartment.

Sonic: I thought that Haruka was Alex. What happened?
Sonia: Inconsistencies happened.

When they arrived, Ana took out her locket and put a hat on to cover her hair. They knocked on the door hiding Ana behind Lita and Haruka.

"Yeah." said Greg.
"Greg, It's me, Mirchue, can we come in? We might have something to cheer up Josh a lot!" said Mirchue happily.

Manic: *confused* Who the hell is Mirchue?!
Amy: Wow, the Suethor's really drunk. We have names that're switched and misspelled!
Tails: Not to mention that she was Michelle the whole time...

"Sure, come on in!" said Greg happily that they have something that would help.

The scouts walked in with Ana still hiding. Then Ana stood up and stepped from behind Haruka and Lita. Greg then saw her and recognized her face. Greg's face turned pale and fainted. Then the other knights walked in except for Josh and they all recognized her and turned pale and fainted. The scouts looked at them, hurried, filled a pitcher of water and splashed one full pitcher on their faces.

Sonia: *flatly* "Comedy".
Sonic, Manic, Amy, Tails: *flatly* My sides.

Ana went to Josh's room and knocked on the door.

"Come in." said Josh in a very depressed voice.
Ana then took off her hat and came in.
"Who are you?!" yelled Josh as he was getting ready to fight.

Sonic: It's your hump buddy. Say hello, buddy!

Ana then took out her locked and tossed it on his bed and it automatically opened up and started to play. Except this showed their time together before she died on the moon. It also played a happy song instead of a sad, depressing song. Josh looked at it and then looked at Ana.

"Ana?!" yelled Josh happily.
"I have Saturn's rebirth power. Except I don't turn into a baby when I use it," explained Ana.

Amy: She also had to explain this to the audience in a stilted manner again.

Josh started to pick her up over and over again.
"Uh, Josh, mind if I use your bathroom?" asked Ana
"Why?" asked Josh

"I think I'm going to blow chunks," said Ana as she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Manic: Romance of the century, ladies and gents!
Sonic: Yeah, nothing's more romantic than losing your lunch out of nowhere.
Tails: Maybe she shouldn't have gone on a random Tilt-A-Whirl before she got there.

The others came back, the scouts explained what happened and the knights weren't afraid anymore. When Ana felt better, she went into the doorway where the knights and scouts were.

"Where's your boyfriend Serena?" asked Ana
"He's in America. He's at a college there. I've been writing to him, but he doesn't respond. I don't know why, we're engaged," said Serena worryingly.
"Stop rubbing that in our faces!" said the inner scouts angrily

Amy: Wait, how is that "rubbing it in"? She's actually worried about him!
Sonia: And it gets even worse when you remember what happened to him in the Sailor Stars anime. So that accidentally the team look like a bunch of uncaring idiots.

Chapter 3

In a far distant planet

Sonia: In a not too distant future, somewhere in time and space...

"Drat!" yelled Garnet

"I'm going to have to choose another Monster or else I'll die or be put to sleep forever.

Amy: That's my thought while reading this thing. Are we done yet?
Manic: Almost done, squirmy.

Garnet then called Golden. Golden can turn anything to gold if they touch her forehead.

Tails: No, really?

Her element besides turning people to gold, is Fire.

Sonic: That's kind of out of left field, isn't it?
Amy: This entire fic came from another planet, so I don't know what to think about it now.

Garnet told Golden to go attack and get some energy at the High School.

Tails: The only high school in the entire city. No-Name High School.

"Yes." hissed Golden.

Golden then went into a black portal and disappeared. She reappeared in front of the school posing as a substitute teacher.

Sonia: This is acceptable... because we have a guy with a dead squirrel on his head posing as a president at the time of this riffing.
Manic: *elbows Sonia*
Sonia: Ow!
Manic: Also, you owe Axl waffles for that remark. No squirrel with a brain wants to even be on that dude's head.

She walked in and turned Serena's, Amy's, Lita's, Mina's and Ana's English teacher to gold and took her voice and made it sound like she's sick and called the office and told them she's sick and that she hired a sub named Grace.

All: *confused*
Sonic: What the heck did we just read here?
Tails: We just read one really awful run-on sentence. Do we give this fic an F minus?
Amy: No. We should give it an H.
Manic: More like an "HH" for "Holy Hell".

Golden then hung up, tossed the English teacher's voice back in and hid her in the closet. Golden then walked to a hotel room and stayed there.

To be Continued...

Sonia: And since the fic ends here, she never came out.
Tails: What is it with bad fics and their weird cliffhangers?
Amy: I have no idea. Hey, speaking of bad cliffhangers, feel free to ask Mr. Kusanagi about them, Tails. After all, he ended up stuck in one.
Tails: Why should I do it?
Manic: Because he'll most likely strangle the rest of us if we ask him.
Sonic: Yep. I don't think he's bothered with me since I almost fell on him the other night.
Amy: *twiddles her thumbs* Same here. At least this boring fic's finally done.
Sonia: Finally. Come on, Tails. Let's go find Kyo.
Tails: Wait, why're you coming with me?
Sonia: Because he hates me the least.
Tails: Sure, I guess.

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